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Iatithi Francis-Miller
Prof. Jeffries
STACC English 100
September 30, 2014

A Step in the Right Direction

Educational Autobiography & Literary Narrative

As a child, I was raised in two homes- two homes that were over 3 hours apart. It was a
twice weekly, three hour drive across the county into another, and a car ride that required much
patience from someone as young as I. I was six and this was the age before backlit electronics, so
I found myself frantic as the last of the sunlight began to disperse in the sky; soon I would no
longer be able to see the once colorful screen of my 2001 edition Gameboy Advance. The notion
annoyed me, what will I do now..? was often the first thing to cross my mind., though I already
knew the answer. There wasnt much else to do but sit in silence in the darkness, avoiding the
inevitable moment my father opened his mouth. Phew! I thought. Crisis averted, as I turned
my head to face the window and pretended to be asleep. How much longer will this work?
My father being the technologically deprived person that he was, eventually found a way
to make his negative opinion of my video game addiction heard. Who would have thought that
he would rather me spend my time reading something knowledgeable as opposed to spending
countless hours playing with two badly pixelated monkeys with a penchant for putting
themselves in danger over bananas. Although I knew how to read and express myself through the
use of words, I loathed the actual act of doing so. When I was younger, I was introduced to
Where the Sidewalk Ends by author Shel Silverstein, a book that resides on my shelf to this day.
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It seems to be only a book filled with short stories that make little sense. However, it was much
more to me that just that, and I credit this book to awakening my creativity and my initial
fondness for reading. Through Where the Sidewalk Ends and the Magic Tree House series, I
came to realize that reading could show a world without boundaries, a world where anything
could happen. Once I realized that possibility, I was overcome with a bittersweet happiness. I
was snapped back to reality every time I closed a book, and I found myself in a world with rules,
walls, and limitations at every turn.
There was a time I believed myself to have been of the fixed mindset; according to Carol
Dweck in The Perils and Promises of Praise the fixed mindset is the idea that ones intellectual
ability is a fixed trait; that you are limited to a certain amount of intelligence. This mindset once
led me to believe that I would never have the ability to become one of the top students in class.
The article stated the following, In the fixed mind-set, students care first and foremost about
how theyll be judged; smart or not smart. Repeatedly, students would this mind-set reject
opportunities to learn if they make mistakes. When they do make mistakes or reveal deficiencies,
rather than correct them, they try to hide them (Dweck 2). This quote summarizes how I felt and
occasionally still feel, when I have to share a piece of written literature or read aloud. I have
found that I tend to try and be a crowd pleaser to avoid being judge negatively, and I am afraid of
being rejected before I have a chance to establish myself.
I found reading tedious and writing laborious, and had trouble seeing why anyone would
enjoy engaging in either of these acts. I felt like there was no way that my attitude towards
reading would change. Unfortunately, unlike Malcolm X, me being alone with books had the
adverse effect. Where he got excited about his new found knowledge he gained from books, I
found myself feeling apathetic. Though, Ive always been a knowledge-hungry individual I
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found it hard for me to acquire knowledge from books. While reading Literacy Behind Bars,
by Malcolm X., this quote caught my eye: It had really begun back in Charelstown Prison,
when Bimbi first made me feel envy of his stock of knowledge. Bimbi had always taken charge
of any conversation he was in, and I had tried to emulate him (Malcolm X 640). When I read
this statement I feel I experienced the same envy Malcolm felt toward Bimbi. I always strive to
preform to the best of my abilities, but it never seems to be enough. Whenever I try to express
myself through words I feel Im never able to fully convey my message and when I try read in an
effort to gather information , I find it difficult to fully comprehend what Ive read. Why is it that
I falter when when either of these things is required of me?
Could it be true that I dont possess the three traits necessary for success? According to
the article What Drives Success? written by Amy Chua and Jed Rubenfeld, Americas most
successful scholars share the following three traits: The first is a superiority complex a deepseated belief in their exceptionality. The second appears to be the opposite insecurity, a feeling
that you or what youve done is not good enough. The third is impulse control Chua &
Rubenfeld 2). If the studies in this article are factual, then I am already deemed unsuccessful. Of
course, it would be easy to blame my failures on something/someone else. However, I do not
believe in placing the blame on others. Me once being a person of a fixed mind-set would have
taken aforementioned article to heart, especially when it states that African Americans are the
bottom tier when it comes to the most successful ethnic groups in America. Though facts are
fact, there are always exceptions. And though I am not an exception yet, I will become one.
In my fathers effort to train me into becoming a well-rounded and well-informed person,
he pushed me into reading articles and books I did not find enjoyable, all while attempting to
have me keep a journal that I was required to write in daily. These efforts were all for naught. I
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started to feel my original attitude towards literacy resurface, and slowly my appetite for
literature start to died out as I grew older; reading became less of an enjoyable pastime and more
a chore and a tool for school. Forced to read books and papers on topics I found stale and
mundane and write reports to coincide with the readings, I was driven away from homework as a
whole. With my loss of motivation, I was unable to force myself back into the school curriculum,
ultimately leading me to drop out of high school. During my three year gap away from school,
Ive had the time to reflect, and after reading another piece by Carol Dweck, Brainology, I
have come to realize that Ive my mindset has evolved from the stagnant and stale fixedmindset to the ever changing growth mindset. The growth mindset is summarized as being
more interested in learning and less interested in always being right and/or the smartest in class.
The growth mind-set allows for, as the name states, growth of the mind, which is a necessity for
me. If I always hold back and conceal my true self though my writing or whatever it may be, I
will never progress.
Should I have been in a situation like the Freedom Writers, in the book The Freedom
Writers Diary: How a Teacher and 150 Teens Used Writing to Change Themselves and the
World Around Them, a situation where students were surrounded by a teacher who was there to
support and motivate them at every turn, I would not have dropped out of high school. In the
epilogue of The Freedom Writers Diary, Ms. Gruwell wrote the following, The students
continued to write and began to forge stronger identities and create a sense of community and
create an outlet for expression (275). This made me think about how, if I were blessed enough
to meet such a teacher I would have been half way to my goal already, and would quite possibly
be a different person; a friendlier less cynical person. In this alternate universe, I quite possibly

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would have found the art of writing much more than an outlet for expression, but instead found
a free and peaceful career as a writer.
Unfortunately, I doubt school will ever be the place for me; I lack the discipline and
patience for a classroom. A higher education is a necessity if I am to reach my career goal, as a
forensic pathologist. I think of myself as walking contradiction. I am a logical person with an
irrational mindset. In an article recently read for class, Critical thinking, I was drawn to the
following quote:
Critical thinkers are clear to the purpose as hand and the questions at issue. They
question information, conclusions and point of view. They strive to be clear,
accurate, precise, and relevant. They seek to think beneath the surface, to be logical
and fair. They apply these skills and their reading and writing as well as their
speaking and listening (Hooks 9).
I pride myself on the ability to think strategically from anothers perspective, to predict what
comes next. Ironically enough, I lack the creativity to see things further than the information that
is offered to me. Critical thinking has always been a part of me and I feel it spills over in to my
writings. I have the tendency to over think things and overflow my writing with too many details.
A flaw Im working to fix. Through STACC English 100, I hope I am able to increase my insight
on literacy as a whole, while learning to enjoy the process and taking baby steps to my allover
academic goal, to graduate from a four year university and enroll in medical school.

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Works Cited
Bullock, Richard and Maureen Daly Groggin, eds. The Norton Field Guide to Writing with
Readings. 3rd Ed. New York and London: W.W Norton and Company, 2013. Print.
X, Malcolm. Literacy behind bars Bullock and Groggin 640-641.
Chua, Amy and Jed Rubenfeld. What Drives Success? Nytimes.com. New York Times. 26 Jan,
2014.
Dweck, Carol S. Brainology The New Psychology of Success. New York: Random House,
2006. Print
Dweck, Carol S. The Perils and Promises of Praise. Early Intervention at Every Age. 2007.
Print
Gruwell, Erin. Ed. The Freedom Writers Diary: Tenth Anniversary Edition. New York:
Broadway Books, 2009. Print.
Hooks, Bell. Critical Thinking Teaching Critical Thinking: Practical Wisdom. London:
Routledge, 2009. Print.