DEATHS-HEAD REVISITED

JANUARY 1, 2014
S. PAUL LUDWIG

for C.

I. heat
our disbelief in
the ghost
does not affect
its appearance
so many years
under the blackened sun
roasted by the billowing smoke
of the mills
so many stone monoliths
looming above
groaning & grinding
echoing out over the wasteland
a ball of napalm
burning back the skin of mother nature
her bones hanging by sinew & tendon
like so many dead
& dying branches
the pavement sweats & swelters
black tar flowing
claiming the surface as its own
soles melt in place
a sickly peel beating in time as the dead-eyed
trudge
ever forward
their chains
fused to the walls of
the furnace
heat rising from the ground
shimmering
above an oasis of
dust
& the ghost moves forward
the shadows have gone
& the sun knows no place beyond high noon;
hanging motionless
for hours
for days
for years
as I look down at my hands
smoldering black
I cannot remember
how it felt before it burned
how it felt when it burned

I cannot remember
how it was before it burned
how to endure
people are not good to each other &
the heat
the heat
rolls in & suffocates
& our young men
die
without ever having
lived
as the air thickens
& the mills burn
& the jungles burn
& our homes burn
& we burn
so many children
playing with toy guns
& boxes of matches
fascinated by the fire
fascinated
even as
our backs sear
our blood boils
our hearts burst
& the ground steams
as the water leaves us
through the shimmering heat
came a stranger
a stranger who beckoned me
into the belly of the mill
& as we descended
I began to remember
I have watched them
watched them beat their heads
against the unbearing soil
split brows slowly
dripping
dripping
dripping
into the cracked ground
I have seen them
begging the earth to swallow them
to give them shade
I have watched their prayers

remain unanswered
& watched the sun
become their god;
watched it bleach their eyes
& cauterize their wounds
I have tried to weep
I have tried to weep
I have tried to weep
& felt my eyes crusted with salt
the water already given up
to the ceaseless sun
& the phantom
& the phantom steps over us
silhouetted against the
charcoal sun
& finally
in
the
shade
we sleep

II. dead
our disbelief in
the ghost
does not affect
its appearance
my acquaintance & I wandered
deeper into the stygian gloom
below the sweltering asphalt
as steel on steel
echoed through the darkness;

the vibrato wailing of a shade

yet unnamed;
my acquaintance stirred at the sound
& by his smile I knew
we stood in a strange hell
yea, though I walk
he gestured me forward
down
down
down
laughing as I stumbled over the uneven stone
slick with blackened blood
his dead smile never faltering
through the valley
soon
more began to appear
dead &dying
released from the walls of the furnace
undead & undying
huddled in alcoves
spectral eyes staring up
as we passed,
dry & unblinking
of the shadow of death
my acquaintance laughed at them as he passed
ridiculed them
as he advanced into the dark
down
down
down
his pace quickening far beyond my own
I will fear no evil
the path began to slope more steeply
only the echo my acquaintances laughter
assuring me of his presence ahead
I called out
first in fear
then in anger
I began to run
the eyes of the dying taking no note

of my passing
instead staring upward
looking for a sun
that had long since
burned
up
for thou art with me
the dead were gone
when I came to a halt
my acquaintances laughter
no longer echoing in the darkness
the flame of his candle no longer ahead
the light of the world above
long gone behind
my legs ached & shook beneath me
alone in the depths where no guns groaned
where the earth stood still & silent
& yet I walked on
thy rod & thy staff
how many torturous miles I walked
I do not know
how far I descended into the abyssal maw
I do not know;
I was certain now
certain I stood in hell
& yet I walked on
searching the dark
for he who had forsaken me
& I felt the horror
they comfort me
the tunnel curved sharply
& suddenly I stood in a titanic cavern
the walls lined with the bleach-eyed dead
all seated in silence
a soft glow permeating the gloom
I paused at the edge
& the horror rooted me in place
the earth is the lords
again I heard the laughter
it echoed through the hollow earth

the sound carrying a new venom

a baleful cry that tightened muscle over bone
& trapped itself in the ribcage
constricting the heart
& yet the dead remained unmoved
peering into a void far beyond the jagged stone
& the fullness thereof
as the laughter amplified I stepped forward
slipping over the stone on my aching legs
& as my acquaintance appeared
through the charcoal mist of this strange subterranean night,
silhouetted before me
I felt a violence rise in me
like bile in the throat
the world
I drew nearer to him
feeling the gaze of the dead pass through me
as the laughter grew in my ears
a terrible, black laughter
the laughter of men in war
a laughter of violence
& of untold anguish
& again I felt the violence rise
as I stood before him
I clasped my hands together
& in doing so
happened
to make
my acquaintance
choke
& they that dwell therein
& as the laughter sputtered
I felt the life leave my acquaintance
& as I let him fall to the ground
the silence returned
& I,
I was left
among
the dead
&I
began
to laugh

& the room echoed

as I fell to my knees
& the phantom
laughed with me

III. wet
our disbelief in
the ghost
does not affect
its appearance
some years later
or perhaps eons
I emerged from the earth
breaching the fallow mud
& coming to rest on loam
far removed
from the heat of the furnace
from the asphalt
from the eternal sun
the air was cool & thick & wet
the sky aglow with an ashen light
a cloud-laden gunmetal gray
& I knew
I had passed through hell
though where I lay
half-dead
sucking moisture from the grass
I did not know
a mountain loomed above me
fading into the mist that hung overhead

its base descending into a jungle just barely shown

at the horizon
old-growth trees standing like soldiers in the mist
silent
&
still
I was alone
& finally I felt
peace
a hollow tramping echoed through the ground
& I awoke
the air still cool & wet
the sky sliding from soft gray
to the steel of a storm-tossed ocean
thunder echoed in the distance
the thunder of forged brass
of the mechanical abominations
& aberrations
that I had left behind long ago
I felt my pulse quicken
matching the power & cadence of the guns
& suddenly I felt a fear far beyond that of hell
I sat up among the grass
& saw them on the horizon
like so many locusts descending on a field
their bootheels shaking the earth
trampling all that stood in their way
rifles slung at their sides
machetes tearing at the earth as they advanced
the first of the plagues
& I began to run
the jungle rushing up to meet me
like a long overgrown battalion
awaiting a commander
& I knew I had lost the locusts
who had bled the field dry
& sped on hungrily
to rape & burn the land
to consume
I passed through the trees
silent & still
save for the soft lullaby of the rain
as it came down through the hollow canopy
& the jungle pulled me in deeper

& suddenly I was no longer alone

they stood between the trees
in limbs
beneath logs
& I remembered the stories of my youth
of the savage
those men who fed off the flesh of others
of the wendigo
who would swallow you whole
skin & bone
yet as I drew near
they shrank from me
women
children
men
their eyes wet & wary
they too had seen the locusts
had heard the guns
they too felt the great upheaval
& had no need to descend into the earth
for hell had come to them
a woman
withered & hunched
broke rank
& as she walked towards me
the crowd swelled inward
& ebbed
a wave of disaccord
washing through in whispers
she folded to her knees at my feet
her arms stretched upward to me
a bundle in her hands
& I bore witness
& I bore witness
& I bore witness
I saw the child
I heard its rattling breath
a pitted sound
through caked soil & blood
I saw limbs hacked off at elbow
& knee
eyes swollen shut
I fell to the earth & wept
& the human tide rose around me
& the phantom

stared
down

IV. lush
our disbelief in
the ghost
does not affect
its appearance
the wave receded
& I washed up on a grass mat
the old woman leaning above me
a cool rag damp on my forehead
a thatched roof
between me & the gunmetal sky
she pointed forward
out the low door
I rose
& stepped forward
the smell of rain & lush jungle
of chemical fire & hot metal
hanging heavy in the air
pushing in from all sides
the mob stood beyond the door
their eyes fixed on me
all of them pointing forward
arms like so many rifles raised
I waded through the human surf
a river sat at the edge of the village
a thin line of fire cutting through the undergrowth
red with the reflection of the sky
eerily still
as the world around shook & screamed
a woman stood at the opposite shore
her pale face like a half moon
framed by tangled raven hair
I called out to her
but the world roared too loudly
she beckoned to me

she beckoned to me
she beckoned to me
& I dove into the water as she turned
& walked into the into the trees
a white gown floating into the black
I emerged from the river
to see the last flash of white disappear into the forest,
moving towards the light far in the distance
the fires
the bombs
the death
like so many moths to flame
I ran after
& the world exploded around me
hell tearing up from the ground below
as craters opened up
& the trees groaned
bayonets flashed in the dark
& men in green died
shadowed against white phosphorus
& the locusts descended
cannibalizing everything in their path
& somewhere men laughed the laughter of the damned
still she ran ahead
the ground underfoot turned to mud
blood mingling with the soil
as though
the earth bled
tracers & muzzle flashes sparked through the air
fireflies in the dreams of a madman
& suddenly I was lying on my back
the world was black
everything rang a clear note
I was not dead
I was not alive
I was not bleeding but the earth bled harder everything bled harder
& the phantom picked me up
& pushed me forward
& I was running again
I could not hear
I could not feel
& I was running again

the flutter of the white dress

had disappeared ahead in the darkness
& I thought of my acquaintance
so long before
& a strange remorse came over me
I stopped
the fire throwing a colossal silhouette in front of me
& I heard
the
laughter
again
I turned to look
feeling a hand wrap around my ankle
& saw my acquaintance lying at my feet
I pulled away & he held fast
& he looked up at me with empty sockets
his gaunt cackle never ceasing
sputtering black blood
gut blood
in terror I lashed out
the drone of engines & gunfire humming in my skull
I do not remember
how many times
my boot
came down
but I remember when the laughter stopped
& my acquaintance was
at last
no more
the sky glowed & my breath was fast in my ears
I turned
& ran again
after the girl with the half-moon face
& the phantom
gave
chase

V. empty
our disbelief in
the ghost

does not affect

its appearance
I emerged into desert
long after the night
had passed into
hazy
sluggish
dawn
the guns were still now
the fires long since strangled into ember
I walked now
softly
the remains of my boots
hanging
from bloodied feet
the fog unfolded ahead of me
salty clay & dust kicked up from the ground
greedily sucking up the damp air
& I could not see the girl with the half-moon face
I could not see the locusts
I could not see the dead & dying
I could not stop
I could not speak
I could only drag forward
the sun rose & fell
& suddenly
the earth fell away ahead of me
& I came to a halt at the edge of a great crater
the earth gaping before me
some primordial maw
long waiting
the bottom invisible through the fog
the walls stretching into infinity
I stared into the hollow
the world around me silent
still
save for a white fluttering
peering through the mist
along the mammoth scar
I walked
along
the
edge
my chest void of organs

the dress lay in tatters

bloodied & charred
fluttering loosely around the
dead-tooth yellow of slender bone
the flesh long since gone
& still my ribcage sat empty
my heart & lungs long since turned to ash
by air thick with napalm
& phosphorus smoke
I do not know
how long I stood
crouched
over her
staring down
staring down
staring down
I do not know
what guttural things I wailed over her
or who I wished them upon
when I rose I looked beyond the rim of the gouge
& the phantom beckoned
& the phantom beckoned
& the phantom beckoned
&
I
stepped
beyond
the
rim