Outcome 4

For the first outcome, in my 1.4 final draft, I did not write in a style that met the prompt of the
essay. I chose to use two Maybelline mascara ads from a different era. In this essay, I completely
failed to explain what my social construction of gender was being displayed in the ad. My thesis
stated, “Both the 2007 and 1936 Maybelline mascara ads demonstrate that women constantly buy
in to the idea that they can alter the appearance of their eyes because society has made them
believe that eyes don’t fit certain standards aren’t naturally beautiful; women won’t have the first
impression of the eyes that will create a personal connection with someone” (1.4 F) My editor
commented on my thesis saying, “You are trying, but this is really just a more wordy way of
saying women like to wear mascara” (Henderson 1). I did not identify a social construction in
my thesis and therefore my entire essay was off prompt. For my revision of the 1.4, I chose two
new advertisements. My thesis statement said, “The 1960 Dacron ad and the 2006 Sisley ad
show that the images of females being used as objects controlled by men has shifted to females
being in the dominant role, using men as objects. This shift shows how society has changed and
how men and women are now equal” (1.4 PV 3). In this thesis I have identified what social
construction I need to explain. The social construction I identified was actually related to genders
unlike the mascara thesis which only applied to women and did not evolve from pressure in
society.