Syahputra

M. Bahrainuddin Syahputra
8 English acquisitions
Ms. Debbie
December 17, 2014
Writing Scenes
Rationale 1:
In the first few line of the first paragraph of the first scene I describe the
situation, setting, place, and time of the scene is in with details. I continue the story
about both Johannes and David tried to escape the camp stealthily. Then I continue the
story into the climax point where Johannes died and from there ended my first scene
with question that leaves a curious feeling. I use a little amount of had and use some
fancy words to make it more interesting and cool. For this scene I think I use half of
Anne Holm style and half of my own so that someone who read this notice that this
writing look like Anne Holms writing, but not her writing at the same time.
1st scene:
It was a silent night, a bleak black night. Pitch dark and nothing to be seen at
the distance. He could see nothing but the shining spotlight on the watching tower.
There were no sparkling stars that night and it was just like an empty darkness. All he
could hear is nothing but his heart beating fast and the footsteps of patrols. He was in
the tip of hesitation and hope. He wondered if they could make it or not. He guessed
that it was now or never, a chance in a lifetime. It was a truly black and silent night
fore there was nothing that truly ignite. The moon was not in sight and it was the
perfect night for Johannes and David to escape suffering and haste toward freedom.
David was hiding in the safety of the shadow watching the patrol going from place to
place and waiting for Johannes to come. Then, suddenly, the electricity shut down and

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the spotlight was hindering their path no more. Johannes was their running down
quickly and silently.
The electricity is down. Now is our chance! Johannes whispered with
excitement.
Ok, Lets go! replied David
So then David and Johannes ran quickly and silently as they could to the fence
surrounding the camp. It was hard to see object and obstacle in their way, as there was
only darkness. They trembled, staggered, and fell down. But thankfully it didnt make
loud sound that could alert any guards. And so they thought. They were almost there,
only a few steps more when a guard shouted, Alert! Alert! Turn on the alarm!
Theyre escaping!
Run! Run! Run David! shouted Johannes
Their hearts were pounding fast and they ran as quickly as they could toward
freedom. They were panicking, but did not look back as they were sure they would
make it alive. They climbed the fence but then a bang of a gun was heard when
Johannes fell down like a corpse hitting the ground hard. Hearing the shot, David
jumped down to save Johannes but then it was too late fore he was dying and his
blood came out rapidly drowning the ground with red color. Be safe, David, I know
someday you will escape and when it happens, be free! the last words said by
Johannes in seconds before his death. He slipped to the safety of the darkness once
more avoiding detection and soon after tears started to fall from Davids eyes wetting
his cheeks. The electricity turned back on and the spotlight was aimed at Johanness
body surrounded by guards including The Man himself was there watching Johannes
sink into death. David felt pain; he was saddened of a loss. His teacher and his friend

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is now gone. There he thought he would never had another chance to escape and it
was the last one ever. But, was it?
Words: 480
Rationale 2:
In this second scene, which takes place after the book, I chose a happy ending
rather than a sad one because simply I dont like seeing Davids journey was for
nothing. I started the first sentence with of course joyful tears continuing what might
possibly happen after the ending of the book. I continue the story by describing the
house a little, describing how is the house. Then I put a picture of David, his mother,
and his father so that should David look at it. I ended by writing David lay in bed and
rest. In the second scene I dont use much of Anne Holms style but use mine more.
But, at least it was a happy ending
2nd scene:
Her eyes burst with tears as she pulled him into her arm and hugged him
tightly. It was not a sad cry, but rather a joyful one as she met her long lost son
thought to be dead. My son. My son, David! I thought I thought he killed you.
That doesnt matter know that youre here. I missed you, my son. I knew it that you
would return to me. She said with her joyful tears dropping like rain. He could not
hold it and so he did cry as well, a joyful cry from both mother and son.
Is it really you? Is it really you mother? Asked David.
Of course I am your mother. No doubt. Replied Edith.
I missed you. I thought I had nobody after my only friend, Johannes died
Im here, now I am here, my son. I am here for you. You must have been in a
long and tiring journey to reach here. Come, come to your new home

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David walked into his new home with his mother and the inside was harming.
The plates were white and shiny, the house was very clean, there was a small garden
in the backyard, and the walls were full of beautiful paintings. One of them attracted
David, a picture of his mother, himself as a little baby, and a picture of a man that
must have been his father. He gazed at it for a long time until his mother said, he is
your father, and he was a sweet and gentle man. Your father was a happy man that
made my life happy, but until that day when they killed him and took you from me,
David. You survived and returned to me. He wouldve been proud of you, David. I am
proud of you. You must be tired, lay in bed for now and rest, I will be cooking dinner
David lay on a soft comfy bed with soft white pillows in his new room. His mother
put the blanket on him, kiss him on his forehead, and said I love you before David
could say it back he had fallen to sleep fore he was extremely tired. His mother left
and cooked in the kitchen. She cried once more. She could not believe that his son is
here. She was happy; more tears of joy fell. She felt, as she was now truly happy
because his son had arrived to her.
Words: 413