NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION

BY STARBUCK

Introduction
Non verbal communication is the single most important aspect of your
game. It alone can often mean the difference between being a successful
pick up artist, and just getting blown out every set and scratching your head
wondering why.
If you dont believe this, next time you walk into a bar notice the guys who
are most successful with women and what they are doing. The way they
walk, the way they stand, the way they sit, the way they look at women.
Everything they do. By the time they approach and open a set, often theyve
already been noticed, sized up and been invited by their targets.
Yep, you heard that right, invited. This is big, guys.
Now, you maybe are wondering how they do this. Are they just naturals? Is
it some sort of God given gift? Do they have e.s.p.? Did they go to charm
school or something? Did they sign up for 4 years in the U.S. Marines? Do
you have to? Nope. Just keep reading.
Of course like any skill some things are innate and you are born with them,
other things are learned behaviors. Non verbal communication is primarily a
learned behavior. In other words we all are born with the ability, but only
some of us have developed it to its potential. Even fewer understand whats
really going on with all this. After you read this short e-book on the subject
you will understand as well. And take my word for it; in my opinion, it will
improve your game as much as anything.
With a powerful skill set of non-verbal communication, you can literally use
any approach, opener, etc... And be well received. Why, because remember,
youve already been invited. And if you havent, she will wonder why she
hasnt noticed you already and will be enthusiastically interested in making
up for lost time.
So what do we mean by non verbal communication?
Non-verbal communication is any non spoken communication that takes
place outside of or in conjunction with verbal communication. It is known
by many sub-categories;

Eye contact
Body language
Facial expressions
Gestures
Posture and body orientation
Proximity
Paralinguistics
Dress
Grooming
And were going to break each one down and explain each to you simply
and in some detail. So you can make it a natural part of your game as well.
Lets start with a brief discussion about situational awareness and how it
impacts your game.
You walk into a bar, head down, slumped posture, eyes looking your feet or
at everybodys waist and walk up to the bar and order a drink. Let me ask
you, what impression do you think youve just made? And what tone have
you set for the rest of your interactions with the others in the bar, especially
those of the female variety.
Yep, youre right, not a good one. For one thing, other than who the
bartender is, you know about as much about whats going on in the bar as
you did when you standing in line paying your cover charge. So I cant
overemphasize this, be aware of your surroundings and how you are
perceived by those in these surroundings at all times. This is called
situational awareness. Yep, youre starting to get an idea of just how
important this stuff is.
Remember a few years ago up in Rhode Island, when the club erupted in fire
after the bands pyrotechnic devices malfunctioned? And 30 people or so
died in the fire. All because they didnt know where the exits were and all
tried to leave out of the front door? Are you one of these people? Not
anymore. Again, this is situational awareness and it is a vital skill to have.
Every U.S. Army soldier and Marine is constantly aware of what is going on
around them, and for good reason. You should too. It works the same
whether you are patrolling the streets in Baghdad, or working a bar in
Chicago. The difference being of course in one circumstance you may get
blown up or shot and sent home in a body bag, in the other you may just get
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blown out of the water by every attractive chick you see, be sleeping alone
tonight, or perish in a fire because Billy dipshit with the band thinks its cute
to set off the equivalent of a flame thrower on stage.
So using your new skill of situational awareness, how should you enter a
room? Head up, shoulders back, relaxed pace, scanning the room, taking a
glance and if possible acknowledging the presence of every attractive
woman in the room. Walk in like you own it, you belong there, and everyone
of any consequence should notice you because you are the man and you
mean action.
Ok, on to the meat and potatoes of non-verbal communication.

Eye Contact
Eye contact skills are among the most important in non-verbal
communication. Having good eye contact skills can mean the difference
between getting laid, and getting blown out like a Chihuahua during
Hurricane Katrina. In other words, having bad eye contact skills is the kiss
of death when dealing with a woman, unless youre her brother or
something.
When you fail to look people in the eyes, it says something about you. It
says you lack confidence and self esteem. It says you are a boy, in a mans
body.
So what are eye contact skills? You look people in the eye when you speak
to them. When you speak to a woman you hold eye contact as long as or
longer than she does. Make her look away or down which is a sign of
submission. This is powerful medicine. If you have had poor eye contact
skills in the past, you will notice the reaction to this one simple change more
than anything.
How do you develop good eye contact skills? Be aware of what youre doing
at all times when interacting with others. Practice looking and speaking into
your own eyes in the mirror. If you have difficulty focusing on two eyes,
move your eyes slightly occasionally or focus on one eye.
Dont stare at people. It makes them uncomfortable. Dont shift your eyes
constantly either. It indicates a lack of congruence, or dishonesty. Act like
the rock of Gibraltar and smile when you look into a womans eyes, like
youre looking out the back of her head or something. It will completely
disarm her. Nope, she wont be forgetting you anytime soon while shes
trying to figure out if youre kin to Jeffery Dahmer, or James Bond and why
youre alone. Ah the power of sexual tension. And what have you done to
establish it? Clever line, elaborate story line, flashed a wad of cash, showed
her the keys to your Maserati, and pulled some e.s.p. on her or something?
Nope, thats just what all the losers think. Yeah, youre getting the idea now.

Body Language
What is body language? Body language in this context is mirroring, gestures
and stride.
Mirroring is basically copying the body language of your target. This helps
to build rapport and comfort as likes tend to attract likes. Dont be obvious,
but try to get in synch physically with your target. This is especially
important in initial interactions when you are attempting to build rapport.
Youre gestures as forms of non verbal communication should be smooth
and congruent. What do we mean by congruent, simply that your walk
should match your talk and the social context you are in. Hand and arm
movements are powerful communicators, but best used with discretion and
grace. Wild gyrations arent the best way to get your point across. They
seem spastic. When in doubt relax your arms and hold them at your side.
Practice walking around heel to toe with a strut, and spirit in your walk. This
is the way you should walk everywhere. Put a book on your head and walk
around the house. Head up, eyes focused, scanning the area.
Dont place objects between yourself and your target. Holding your drink,
crossing your arms, etc. are all barriers to communication.
If you shake a womans hand, shake it firmly and fully. And before you let
go, turn your hand slightly so your palm is up. She should pull her hand
gently away as you slightly pull her towards you (dont overdo this).
Coupled with a smile and eye contact, this can be magic.

Facial Expressions
Youre facial expression should be pleasant at all times. Cultivate the art of
the half assed smile. That is a slight smile. It should be on your face
whenever you are around women. After you make a point, and especially
after a joke or sexual connotation. This disarms people. If you can master the
half assed smile and eye contact your job is half done. If you like to wink, do
so to accentuate a point or to acknowledge a womans presence or interest.
Youd be surprised just how many people in public walk around with scowls
and other ridiculous looks on their faces. Stand out from the crowd. Be
aware of yourself at all times, and remember to smile. Practice this in the
mirror as well.
Laugh a lot, especially around women and at anything that is even mildly
funny. It will make you appear funny even if you arent. An easy laugh is
best. No crazy wild laughing, especially when nothings funny, unless you
want her to think you belong in the loony bin instead of bouncing around on
the Sealy Posturepedic.

Posture and Body Orientation

Youre posture should be erect at all times, shoulders back, chest out,
stomach in. If you dont work out, start. Pay particular attention to your
chest, arms and abs.
Combined with a proper stride, eye contact and smile this is powerful stuff.
You will be noticed by women. You may feel strange at first, exhibiting this
newfound confidence around the opposite sex, and feeling like you may
have to beat them off with a stick. But that will abate as you notice more
attention coming your way, and more lipstick where the sun doesnt shine.
Youre body orientation should always be non-threatening but powerful
around strangers, during cold approaches and while opening. One way you
can do this is in the manner you approach people. Approach from slightly
off to one side, not straight on or from the back. This gives them some
warning of your approach and takes away the element of surprise, which in
the animal kingdom is a sign of attack. You should look for signs of
discomfort and reorient as necessary. As comfort builds escalate by facing
them. If they face you back, and you notice IOIs (indicators of interest)
youre in like Flint. Dont waste it.
During initial interactions with strangers one on one stand to one side, or off
center of your target slightly. Do not face directly, until they start to indicate
comfort with you. They will normally do this by facing you or speaking
comfortably with you. If you notice their discomfort or a lack of mirroring
on their part, reorient your body to theirs off to the side, or face another
direction and turn your head towards them.
If you are in a group, do the opposite. The purpose for doing the opposite is
to establish your dominance to the target. Numbers of people equal comfort
for the target, so you neednt be concerned with her mistaking your body
orientation with aggression. Of course while using the Mystery Method in
particular you may need to alter your approach and orientation, in an effort
to deliver IOD (indicators of disinterest). This is fine, and of course will
depend upon the target.

Proximity
Place yourself where the action is, not where the action isnt. Remember
youre not in Afghanistan and not under mortar and RPG attack constantly.
Move in the direction of your target. Keep out of their personal space until
comfort has been established through KINO or verbal rapport, but within
social space. This is approximately 2-3 feet apart. You can also circle your
target, or walk by your target initially to gauge interest. This is best done in
combination with eye contact and your smile. If your target smiles back and
makes eye contact with you dont hesitate, get over there and open the gig is
on.
This is the socially safe way to play and to gauge interest. Basically you are
being invited to interact. You of course can also use the Mystery Methods
three second rule if you like, or are in a bar or other obvious social context
and immediately open sets. Never hesitate, always have something to do,
youre time is valuable remember?
Sometimes women will use proximity to signal you. They will walk past
you. This often happens during your day game when youre otherwise going
about your business. Anytime a woman walks past you and looks at you,
you should pay attention, be prepared to make eye contact and smile in her
direction. Then get over there and open. No better signal of interest exists,
other than a chick walking up and ripping your shirt off or something.
The closer you are to targets of opportunity the more likely you are to get
noticed, and the easier it will be to approach and open.
Your default assumption should always be that women are always on the
prowl, and you should be too. Remember that next time you want to run out
to the grocery store for beer. And think of how impressed your buddies will
be if you also come back with the blonde bombshell cashier on your arm as
well.

Paralinguistics
Paralinguistics are the tone of your voice, you pitch, rhythm, loudness and
inflection.
Practice speaking at a lower pitch, clear tone, slow rhythm, strong loudness,
and accenting or inflecting words or points.
Monotone is boring to most listeners, speak with emotion and clarity. If you
have a squeaky and unpleasant voice, practice with a friend, a digital
recorder, or lay off inhaling the helium before you go out sarging.
Sometimes it helps to raise the pitch of your voice slightly when conveying
heartfelt emotions or situations. This can be especially appealing to women,
especially from an otherwise strong guy. Be playful, and modulate your
voice to reflect this fact.
Guys, this stuff can mean the difference between being ignored most of the
time, and having little hot bodies virtually following you around and making
passes at you everywhere you go.

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Dress
I can go down, spend $50 bucks at Wal-Mart and be picking up chicks in the
fanciest part of town tonight. What you wear is relatively unimportant. As
long as it is appropriate for the social context you are in, matched,
accessorized, fits and is worn properly.
You should always wear a clean pair of shoes, a belt and a decent watch.
This is standard man gear. Socks are a great idea as well, unless you wearing
specific kinds of shoes where they are optional. The prices of these items are
largely irrelevant. Ive picked up girls in $100 shoes, slacks and a sport coat,
and Ive picked up girls in $17 Wal-Mart sneakers, Levis shorts, a muscle
shirt and cheap sunglasses hanging around my neck. Wear the style that suits
you and your surroundings best. Seriously guys, no pants hanging around
your knees, and your underwear (if you wear any) shouldnt be visible if
youre over 17 or out of High School. And tuck your shirt tail in, unless the
style of the shirt also allows it to be worn out and you want to hide your
small package or something.
If you like jewelry, wear some. I dont personally wear any, but if works for
you and you like wasting your money by all means wear some.

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Grooming
Get a haircut, at least every two weeks. Shave before you go out. Buy an
electric cordless hair trimmer and trim your body hair. Wear cologne if you
like, but use it sparingly. Obtain nose hair trimmers and use them. Trim your
eyebrows. Wear an effective deodorant. Clean the potatoes out of your ears.
Brush you teeth, and use mouthwash if you have it. Lay off the sugary
drinks or drink plenty of water. Trim your fingernails and toenails and keep
them clean. Marine Corps wisdom.., shit, shower, and then shave, in that
order.
Seem like common sense? Youd be surprised how many of your
competitors forget or think its unnecessary. You cant afford too unless.
Yep, you like making love to your bottle of lotion and towel.

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Putting it all Together

Again, you enter a club, head down, slouched posture, fast walk, with a
scowl on your face and your shirt tail hanging out. Youre a bad boy in your
own mind. You have the attitude of dont mess with me, or else. And thats
generally what happens.
You get your drink at the bar and head for the first wall to lean against, by
yourself or with your other loser friends. What kind of message do you think
this sends? Do you think nobody is paying attention? You would be
mistaken. You had might as well go home now. Because the only play youll
be getting tonight is from the bouncers, or the other losers while youre
pissing your hard earned money down the urinal, and dodging the cops in
your half drunken stupor driving home.
On the other hand, you notice another fellow that walks in alone. He strides
confidently, head up, chest out, scanning, nodding and smiling at every
attractive woman he sees. He also goes to the bar and gets a drink, while
making eye contact with an attractive woman at a nearby table. Shes
looking too and smiles, he smiles back. Suddenly hes walking towards her
table and sits down. In 15 minutes they are leaving. What are you and your
buddies doing? Still leaning up against the wall, nursing your drinks and
talking about what a big wad of cash he probably has in addition to his
BMW, a big pecker and a house at the lake. Yeah dream on.
This is serious stuff guys and literally 50% or more of your game. If you
dont learn it, wont matter what else you do. Youll be shot down in her
mind before you can even approach and attempt to open her.
Now, get out there and put it all into action. And never again be the guy
whose only option at the end of the night is back home with his towel and
his bottle of lotion, nursing a hangover while contemplating trading in his
car for a moped because of his recent DUI conviction, wondering when the
women of the world are going to come to their senses.

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