What to Do When She Says "It's

Too Fast" and Wants to Leave

By Chase Amante

You tried to take her to bed, only for her to tell you "It's too fast for
me." Your solution: 5 options that can smooth things out and get her
to stay.

You ran the courtship (up until now) to perfection. Sparks flew when
you talked to her. She laughed at your jokes (and you were wittier
than usual). You remembered to touch, and touched her well. You
took the lead and led her home.

Everything went great -- till a moment ago. Then as you tried to kiss
her, she distanced herself from you. She told you "It's too fast for
me."
You tried to persist; she said "I think I should go."

What do you do? Deep within your gut, you know if she leaves, she's
gone. Your lizard brain knows what happens when you come this
close then fail to close the deal. Yet you also freeze up with fear:
you live in a paranoid feminist society. Many women now view
male persistence as all but analogous to assault. The last thing you
want to be is pushy... especially while alone with a woman you're
only just getting to know.

Must you surrender? Must you let her go... say goodbye to a happy
coupling never to be? Cast her into the wilderness to find a man less
desirable than you, less wonderful than you, who will please her less
than you?

Seems like a tragedy, doesn't it? It shouldn't have to end on so

ignominious a turn.

And while there's no 100% way to change a girl's mind as she's on

her way out, there are a few things you can try. But first you must
understand why, when things had gone so well to that point, she
suddenly balked.

Why She Suddenly Said "It's Too Fast"

"It's moving too fast for me" is an easy out for a girl who wants to
deescalate things. Sometimes it means exactly what it sounds like:
the courtship's moving too fast for her; she'd still like it progress,
except at a slower pace.

Much of the time though it means something else. Instead of

deescalate to then start again at a slower pace, it may be a way to
slow things to a halt while she figures out her next move.
The implication of "it's too fast" is "if we slow down, we can get
together later." She may or may not actually mean that. Whether
she does or not, there's a problem: most guys are not good at
backward speed transitions. They only have one speed: forward... or
else they throw the towel in completely.

So, often, when guys try to take women to bed only to hear "It's
too fast", they hear it as a flat-out rejection. At that point they either
persist with what they were doing before, hoping she'll change her
mind... or they give up.

Women often know this, and use "It's too fast" as a way to end the
seduction without hurting the guy's feelings. But women don't
always mean it this way! Sometimes it's an attempt to end things.
Sometimes she legitimately just wants to slow it down a bit. She will
say the same thing regardless which one she means.

Now... there is a difference between 'token resistance' and real

resistance. Token resistance is when she gives you weak verbal
resistance while she continues to escalate with you physically.
Picture a woman making out with you who breathes out "It's too
fast" as she shoves her tongue down your throat and moans when
you slide your hand down her shirt. 90% of the time, you can ignore
this sort of very light resistance and proceed to intimacy. If you stop,
she may even be confused: "What's wrong?" she says. Or she gives
you that look that asks "What are you doing?"

However, when it's real resistance -- when she states it louder; she
tries to create physical distance between the two of you; she clams
up and stops kissing you back or responding to your touch -- well,
you've got a problem on your hands. She isn't feeling it the way you
want her feeling it.

When you hit a wall of real resistance, it could be because:

 She really does think it's going "too fast", and just wants it to go
a little slower
She wants to back out of the courtship without shooting down
your hopes
She likes you, but it doesn't "feel right", and she wants to stop
and recalibrate

When you get this objection and she legitimately wants to leave, she
will generally make to leave. If she just wants to slow down and
recalibrate though, she will not leave, she'll stay.

You won't be able to keep her if she's made up her mind nothing will
happen with you. Whatever you say or do, she'll leave. Sometimes
this happens.

But if she's still open to getting together with you, you have a shot.

For your part, you have to operate as if she's still open to you, not as
if she's made up her mind against you. Always assume attraction,
even when you hit the bumpy stretches of Seduction Road.

However, at the same time, you also have to operate under the
assumption her objection is real. Something in your escalation has
to change.

Below, we'll talk how to handle the initial "It's too fast for me"
objection.

And then, we'll discuss what to do if it reaches the point where she
says it's too fast and that she's going to leave.

How to Respond to "This Is Too Fast for Me"

When she hits you with "It's too fast", you have a few options to
respond with.
The lighter the resistance is, the lesser a response you can use. We
have two light responses we can turn to:

[. Justification, where you give her a reason why moving fast is

valid

\. Contrast, where you tease her a bit by going tantalizingly

slower

Next we have the intermediate-level response, for when she's a bit

more serious but isn't about to full-on bail on you:

]. Slower but Seductive, where you slow down, yet also get
more seductive and romantic

And lastly, we have our two 'big gun' responses, for strong
resistance (of the 'about to walk out the door' variety):

^. Pattern Interrupt, where you break her pattern and introduce

something different

_. Restart, where you tell her you want to do things over again

Here's how each one works.

Option #1: Justification

Your go-to option for girls who object to the speed of the courtship
should usually be justification for why it's moving so fast.

Sometimes it isn't that she won't get together with you fast, so
much as it is she needs a reason to do so. Justification is how you
give her that reason.

For instance:
 Her: [pulls back] This is too fast for me.

You: Every passionate relationship I've had started passionately.

Or:

Her: [pulls back] This is too fast for me.

You: Two people should never wait when they truly long for each
other.

Justification works if she is already close to sleeping with you and

just needs a logical reason to hang her decision onto. If you can
sense she is turned on but conflicted, justification can do the trick;
she hears your justification, says to herself "Yep, that's a pretty
good reason", and her desire overwhelms her reservations.

Option #2: Contrast

Another option -- and possibly the most fun option -- is to use a

little humorous contrast.

This works best when the objection is token, or not much more
serious than token. It looks like this:

Her: [pulls back] This is too fast for me.

You: You're right. We should slow down.

... then you pull back and just give her little light pecks on the lips
and some very tepid touch. And ask her "How's that -- is this
better?" with a sly smirk.
"How about I just go real slow?"

If you judged right, and she was enjoying the makeouts and heavier
touch, she will either tell you "I didn't mean you had to slow down
that much" or she will outright take initiative of the escalation
herself.

At which point you can milk it for all it's worth, if you like: "Well, I
wouldn't want to move too fast. A gentleman has certain conduct to
uphold!"

A little teasing and flirtation can go a long way.

Option #3: Slower but Seductive

If you can tell she's more serious (serious facial expression, or she
doesn't kiss back or tries to pull away), but she hasn't moved to
leave, you can try the "slower-yet-seductive" route.
She tells you "It's too fast for me"... so you lean away from her, just a
little. Take her hands in yours and rub them. Speak to her genuinely
and romantically.

"What troubles you?" you can ask her, if you want to see if you can
get to the root of it.

Or -- often this is the best -- you can tell her "All right. We'll slow
down", and switch more to caresses and slower touch than what
you'd been doing. You can tell her "We'll go slow."

Or just pull back a bit, look her in the eyes, tell her "Yeah?" then run
your fingertips over the back of her hands and palms and forearms.

Then just escalate on her in a slower, romantic way.

Sometimes this will be all you need to overcome her objections.

Often a woman's objections revolve around attainability; she fears
you don't really respect her. By listening to her and slowing down
when she voices this concern, without stopping or making her feel
bad about it, you can continue to escalate while showing her you're
responsive to her concerns. You show her you do respect her...
without mashing the brakes too hard just because she gives you a
little pushback.

Option #4: Pattern Interrupt

This is the first of two Big Guns for dealing with the worst-case
scenario: she tells you it's going too fast, then announces her
intentions to leave.

This is a somewhat more advanced tactic... although it's really more

similar to logistics, in that if you spend a few minutes to plan it in
advance, it's easy to execute if the situation occurs. All you do is
break out your pattern interrupt.

A pattern interrupt is anything you use that disrupts someone's

chain of thought. For instance, if a guy is about to fight you, and you
ask him "Is your Mom's name Susan?" he's going to pause for a
moment in confusion, which you can use to deescalate things (or
drop him with a quick right hook while he's fuzzy-headed). Or if a
girlfriend is screaming at you for something and you tell her "Wait a
second. Did you leave the milk outside?" you'll see her pause, think
about it a moment (both whether she did leave the milk outside, and
also whether that is an important issue right now), then try to slide
back into the argument but has lost much of her steam. (that said,
don't overuse this technique in your relationships; if you do it will
start to feel to her like you always deflect whenever she brings up
an issue)

That's how pattern interrupts work. Pattern interrupts disrupt the

chain of thought and remove much of the emotional momentum
of wherever someone was headed.

This is good to use when a girl's about to bail, because when a girl is
on that "It's too fast; I'm leaving" kick, you need to break that
momentum before her mind will be open enough for you to change.

There's one trick to pattern interrupts though: they need to be

legitimately disruptive enough to catch someone's attention. If they
aren't, they don't work, and instead look like a lame attempt.

A few examples of good pattern interrupts for when she goes to

leave:

"Wait! Wait. I know you're mad, I just -- I had one thing I wanted
to show you before you left. This is really important to me. Just
wait, look. Come here." Then show her something unusual and
 high attainability -- interesting pictures from your childhood,
some mystical talisman you carry around and how you'd like to
use it to bless her with some problem she's having, some
keepsake that explains your too-fast-for-her behavior (like a
stopwatch you keep to remind yourself that time is always
ticking and life is short, after XYZ life-changing incident
happened to you and made you so much more aware of the
short time we all have)

"Okay, right. But before you leave, let's finish that toast we
started earlier. It's not good to leave things undone." Or some
other thing you left undone -- a game you were playing, a
personality test, a psychic reading, whatever

All these are made easier if you seeded them earlier. If you seeded
the toast earlier, or you seeded your talisman, it becomes easier to
call it back later and use it as a pattern interrupt.

For best results, after your initial pattern interrupt, follow up with a
second pattern interrupt. After she looks at your stopwatch or you
finish the toast, tell her "Hey. Let's go out to the balcony", then take
her out there and have more conversation with her. Build up
similarity. Then have her come closer to you and start to escalate
again.
Break the pattern. Then take her somewhere romantic in your place
and begin your escalation anew.

If this sounds a little involved, don't worry... you can use the same
process over:

Same pattern interrupt #1

Same pattern interrupt #2

It's a routine (a few familiar steps you pull out for a commonly-
encountered situation) you use for these specific cases where
attainability was too low during the escalation and she made to
leave.

If she's absolutely certain she wants nothing to do with you, no

pattern interrupt in the world will suffice, and she will leave.

But if some part of her remains open to you, a good pattern

interrupt can get her to stay -- which can give you the time you
need to get her comfortable enough with you and aroused enough
by you and (most important of all) compliant enough to you to end
up back in bed together once more.

Option #5: Restart

Option #5 is the restart.

That looks like this:

Her: [pulls back] This is too fast for me. [pauses] I'm going to go.

You: Hey, okay, you're right. It's too fast. I really like you though. I
don't want to blow this up. Sit back down and let's start over.
We'll take things at your speed this time. Promise.

This response might seem to go against some of the traditional

thought on seduction. You're supposed to always stay in control
and not yield the frame to her. Acknowledging her objection makes
it real, right?

All that is true; however, if she's about to walk, sometimes it's best
to acknowledge the objection and tackle it head-on.

What this response accomplishes is to hand her back a sense of

control. Where before she may have felt you were ignoring her and
steaming ahead, now she knows you'll listen. You've handed power
back to her; you'll proceed at the pace she would like to proceed at.

Another thing this does for you is to (again) build more attainability.
Because you're willing to listen to her and slow down for her a bit,
she realizes you respect her more.

It won't always work. Sometimes you may need to persist a few

times too before she agrees to give it another shot.
However, this is an option that can work when absolutely nothing
else does.

It's worth keeping in your back pocket to toss out there when she
really is about to walk out the door -- sometimes (though not all the
time) it'll get her to stay and give you another shot.

Conclusion

Just because you hit resistance does not mean you've hit the end.

When she tells you "It's too fast for me", she may mean exactly that.
Maybe she wants to continue to escalate with you... but slower.

However much of the time it means something more along the lines
of "I'm not sure I definitely want to do this yet." She may even use it
to try to back out of sleeping with you entirely.

You must calibrate your response to her objection. Don't go too

crazy with a drawn-out response if it's token resistance; you may be
able to ignore it or give only a slight response to get things back on
track. However, if it's a stronger case of last minute resistance, you
may need to break out the big guns.

To recap, your options for handling "It's too fast for me" are:

[. Justification
\. Contrast
]. Slower but Seductive
^. Pattern Interrupt
_. Restart

The first three work great on lighter cases of resistance. The latter
two are what you want to pull out of your bag of tricks when she's
legitimately about to walk out the door.

It's disappointing to get a girl all the way back home only to have her
throw up last minute resistance and leave. While you can't
overcome that resistance every single time, often you will be able to
-- you just need the right approach.

With these techniques in-hand, you have a fighting chance to not

have her walk out the door and instead stick around for a wonderful
night with you (and perhaps a lot more).

Chase Amante

About the Author: Chase

 About the Author: Chase
Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of

being alone. So, he set to work and read
every book he could find, studied every
teacher he could meet, and talked to
every girl he could talk to to figure out
dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends
(plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He
will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program
in his One Date System.

GET CHASEʼS ONE DATE SYSTEM

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