5 Tools for Obliterating

Suppression and Anxiety

By Cody Lyans

A lot of guys who ask for help with women suppress the value of the
advice they receive in order to avoid a tender issue. In this article I
am going to discuss the tendency to suppress new information in
order to continue with old habits and the unconscious anxiety that
fuels this behavior.

It is about how suppressive behaviors empower anxiety into a

chronic problem and inflate the ego so you never want to LEAVE.

Who's at Fault?
Now, before I begin this article, I want to make it clear that I am not
going to assign any blame to this behavior. Often we suppress new
information out of unconscious fears and reservations, and even
though it can seem to manifest as purposeful evasion, the truth is
more likely that guys who exhibit this behavior are just nervous
about their internal thoughts and the behaviors that stem from
them.

Guys who suppress others who try to help them are often quite
intense, introspective, and rash thinkers, and even though they
might not intend for these traits to badly influence their
relationships, they unfortunately wreak absolute havoc in their
social lives. Often, guys who suffer from this form of anxiety live in
seclusion and try to separate themselves from others emotionally
rather than trying to solve the issue that is driving them to the
behavior and all the consequences that stem from it. And as a result
they keep any indicator of its negative impact on their life
suppressed.

Even though this behavior appears intentional, it is not – they do it

out of fear that if they remove this protective mechanism, for one
thing, they will let everything and everyone else in and lose who
they are. In short, these guys are just doing what we all do: looking
out for themselves – they just lack the requisite self-awareness that
would allow them to better manage their anxiety and, as an
unfortunate result, they bunker down too tightly to ever really take
the chances they eventually will need to to get things right with
girls.

Poor guys, right?

The link between anxiety and suppression is really a rather

unfortunate one. Anxiety influences the temptation to suppress, and
suppression reinforces the intensity of anxiety that is felt until it
becomes an uphill struggle to even acknowledge what is happening,
let alone learn how to decipher the appropriate ways to extricate
oneself from the dangerous double bind.

And even more unfortunate, the “danger” and “difficulty of escape”

from the double bind often captures its victims into delusions of
grandeur and a cycle of self-loathing which feed off and depend
upon each other. The double bind serves as justification for their
heroic journey through the pain, but also as a constant source of
ego nourishment that often crashes, leaving them to be self-
loathing. This feeding off of each need causes him to be a victim of
his own unintentional mistakes and to THINK he needs them.

It can be a dark and disgusting place to be, and, as a result, often

these guys get filled with spite and a feeling of hopelessness and
try to intentionally “strike out” or trick people into “failing” to help
them, so that they can reinforce to themselves how hard THEY have
it compared to anyone else.

In particularly bad cases, it turns into a destructive superiority

complex where ordinary people are seen as people who deal
with no issues, accomplish no great tasks, and are just
products of luck.

It can be a very NASTY condition, or it can be a very POLITE one,

depending on the guy and whether it has fallen upon him, or he was
enabled to persist in that space. It is a particularly crummy place to
be mentally because it very much is BUILT around not allowing
yourself to get helped until the point people pity you, get angry at
you, or quit on you, which only serves to SUPPRESS other people’s
potential to advise, and makes you more confused and anxious
about how to rise out of the slump it all puts you in.

Most guys just end up in a little self-made porno den, muttering,

and feeling disconnected from the possibility of there being a whole
world around them. And they see the outside world as a place full of
jocks, unicorns, and rainbow sprinkles, which they are denied
access to it.

But that is why I write this article: I want you guys to be able to spot
the condition in yourself if and when you have it, and I want you to
understand it as a result of TWO behaviors.

Prison of Illusions
I want you guys to be able to realize that it is actually a rather
SIMPLE problem to have, and even though your ego inflates it to
seem like you are fated to suck forever, the truth is, once you stop
suppression behaviors, a STEADY FLOW of anxiety reducing
hormones will naturally help guide you out of this double bind and
help you feel good about things again. And once you are there, you
can start with a fresh chance to develop, and have the real
probability of growth and better relationships.

Really, at the end, all this condition does is it makes you rash, overly
emotionally intense, and prone to obsessively evasive behaviors.
And all that does is get you in a cycle of self-loathing and mental
masturbation, while also being a bit exhausting and demanding to
the people around you.
It might SEEM impossible to change, but if you really wanted to you
could actually defeat this behavior pattern by:

taking time with people and decisions,

becoming “emotionally balanced”, and
stemming all obsessive and evasive behaviors.

Doing these things WOULD start to crack and break the illusion.

Most guys however are not going to crack the illusion that way,
and they sure as hell won’t do it if told, or if hand held through
the process, because self-aggrandizing illusions are actually
quite a vulnerable thing to break out of and come to accept as
BS. Most people just are not comfortable with people being in that
mental space with them, and would prefer it to stay hidden rather
than be mocked or jeered at when through the other side, which is
pretty understandable if you think about it.

So let us just start with recognizing that this isn’t a terrible

condition. It is actually a very commonplace feeling that for some
people can deepen and unfortunately linger in them long enough
that they get used to it and feel they can’t live without it.

Let us start to realize that, even though we (suffering in it) might

believe our worldview is on point, the likelihood is that it is just a
mistaken loyalty to a set of behaviors, and nothing more.

Because if you start to realize those two things, you’ll start to crack
the illusion and be able to correct behaviors over time until the
balance of power shifts back into your favor again.

The suppression will start to ease up, and thanks to the slow and
steady approach you’ll be able to grow to be above the anxiety at
the pace that is most comfortable to you.

A calm, persistent, and earnest reconsideration of a few behaviors

can get you around the strong anxiety kicks that usually stop your
escape.

And really, that is all there is to it.

However, I’m not going to stop here. Let’s get down to business.

Suppression and Anxiety

Ever get kicked in the balls?

Remember how the pain comes on so quickly and vibrates

throughout your entire body, until you jolt and maybe even collapse?
It makes you queasy and you have to walk around tenderly for a
while...

Suppression and Anxiety, when feeding off each other, are just like a
kick to the balls. Anxiety is the pain, suppression is the disability
that pain creates.

Sure, we CAN make theories about why getting hit in the balls is
about who we are and why we deserve it, but a more prudent
observation to make is, “What is getting hit in the balls?” and “How
can I stop it from happening again without going overboard?”

How does SUPPRESSION work? And how can we make sure an

anxiety spike doesn’t have us at its mercy?

I can’t exactly define it for you all personally, but I can encourage
you to work on some rules and discover your own keys to avoiding
this state of being.

1st Rule: LISTEN

Don’t be CHEAP or “frugal” when it comes to listening to people. It’s

how suppression behaviors slip under your radar and become
integrated into your identity.

2nd Rule: STOP

"HEROING"

STOP threads of thought that

make you seem like “the
hero” in a dark world. It’s how
superiority complexes breed
and get strongly fused into
your self-esteem (leading to
asshole streaks in your
personality).

If you must hero worship

yourself, reduce the amount
you do it, and quarantine it into healthier behaviors that never make
comparisons to other people and are not always present in your
internal dialogue.

3rd Rule: DON'T PAIN-COMPARE

Never use pain as a measure of how badass you are compared to

others. By suppressing other people’s ability to add value without
suffering pain, you severely limit the willing participants in your life
to masochists who like getting hurt, or people too naive to tell you to
go fuck yourself.

4th Rule: ADD POSITIVE PEOPLE

Limit your exposure to BLAME from outside sources. But NOT by

bunkering down in a secluded place. Do it by seeking light-hearted
people, who are NOT acting suppressive, and try to not drag them
down.

5th Rule: ANXIETY ≠ IMPORTANT

Don’t take anxiety seriously. It is only when anxiety becomes linked

with suppression that it becomes like a kick in the balls and screws
with your head. Do not fear what creates anxiety, just stall the
anxiety until you can get clear of suppressive behavior patterns

Let's be Honest
Let’s not lie to each other.

Come on guys.

We’ve all done it, we’ve all been there.

Don’t be a STICKLER about this stuff, stay loose, and don’t hold a
grudge. Grudges just cause this stuff to keep propagating itself.

If you don’t suppress, your anxiety cannot persist as a debilitating

state of affairs, you will wake up, and you will see the behavior for
what it really is, a mistake you made by being TOO RASH.

The real hit in the balls is when you realize you made yourself go
through all that suffering out of a bit of confusion and pettiness. But
hey, don’t worry about it, shit like this happens to the best of us –
the fact you are willing to address the issue is what makes you
capable of being a happy guy.

This stuff isn’t who you are, just ease back, listen, and try to loosen
the grip it has through the behaviors it makes you grow dependent
upon. You cannot RIP it out of you, you have to be patient,
persevering, and earn your way out. And you can.

All the best,

Cody Lyans

READ NEXT: "How to Overcome Depression."

About the Author: Cody Lyans

Girls Chase’s resident “man of mystery”,

Cody shows shy, quiet guys how to turn
these traits into assets. Girls call his style
“cool and calibrated”; he’s adept at smoothly
meeting girls everywhere from the beach to
the dance floor. Cody prides himself on
versatility, and specializes in both fast (~20 minute) hookups, and
slow, sensual seductions. Book a phone coaching session with
Cody today to learn from him directly.

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