7 Ways to Stop Being Nervous

Around Women

To stop being nervous around women, you need to interact with

people and gain a level of social normalcy. You just need more
experience, and here’s how to get it.

Would you like to stop being nervous around women? You’re not
alone.

Every student I’ve taught told me they have approach anxiety. Why
do they suffer? Because they don’t know what to say. They don’t
know what to say largely because they’re nervous.

It’s an evil feedback loop of despair.

If it weren’t for nervous men, I’d be out of a job. It’s the #1 reason
most of us find the seduction community. Not because we want to
be big pimps, have harems, and run a pickup company. We just want
to be able to attract women.
I used to be very nervous around beautiful women.

When I was a kid, I developed man boobs, otherwise known as

gynecomastia. Nothing hurts a young man’s self-esteem like having
tits. Also, I was raised by a single mother and two sisters who
surprisingly taught me nothing about attracting women.

I was horribly insecure, especially around the pretty girls. I couldn’t

talk to them because I’d get too excited. My heart would start
racing, and I’d sweat, stutter, stammer, and have panic attacks. The
girls would just look at me with concerned expressions and ask, “Are
you okay, Tony?” This happened often enough to be a big problem.

I did date a few girls: the ones who basically threw themselves at
me. But because I was so needy, those relationships rarely lasted
longer than a month. I felt that if I screwed up a relationship, it might
be years before I found another girlfriend. Of course, this
desperation drove the girls away.

That is, until I got liposuction, and found the pickup advice forums.

On the forums, I learned about “game.” How to cold approach

women in bars, day game, push-pull, teasing, stories, cold
reads, future projections, and on and on. So I started going out to
practice, to change my life with this new arsenal of tactics,
techniques, and philosophies. This was it, I thought, I’m totally going
to pick up hot women with all this knowledge!

To Get Women, You Must Stop Being Nervous

Around Them
Except when I finally found the balls to confront my approach
anxiety and actually go up to a girl, I was so nervous I could barely
form vowels, never mind remember all the pickup tactics.
 Before I could seduce women, I’d have to learn to
stop being nervous around them.

The nerves killed my game completely.

And they’ll kill yours, too, unless you learn how to

stop being nervous.

#1: Social Rehabilitation

I didn’t see it then, but what I was really seeking was a state of
normalcy. For men who suffer from shyness and approach
anxiety, they must take action to move toward a state of normalcy.
So it's important to understand what "normal" is.

It’s normal to not be nervous when talking to the opposite sex.

It’s weird to be anxious just because you’re attracted.

What happens to a man when he sees a beautiful woman? His heart

beats faster; the blood flows. This is normal. How the mind reacts to
this reveals whether a man is in control of his emotions.

If you have this issue of nervousness around women, does it mean

you’re broken? Are you dysfunctional or genetically damaged?
Different? No. Not at all. You’re not special.

Somewhere along the path of life, you skipped an important social

lesson: how to be “normal” and “calm” in the presence of attractive
women. Some men learn this early, in school, from friends, brothers,
fathers. Maybe they were popular from sports or music. Something
happened in their lives that brought them social validation early on.
Know that you’re not screwed up, you just lack an education (and
perhaps good fundamentals); and that is easily remedied!

Anyone can learn success with women. It just means getting off the
Internet, going outside, and exposing yourself to social situations
with more people.

Stop being nervous around women by meeting more of them.

#2: Stop the Chatter

Imagination loves to dwell on the worst-case scenario. “I don’t know
what to say. What do I say? How do I meet her? Is it okay to
approach her? Could I get her? I want her. But am I good enough?
Blah? Blhhergh bleep, bleep, bloop, blab!?”

Now comes the chatter. Your analytical mind, which seeks

answers to the universal mystery of your aroused libido but
doesn’t have any answers, becomes confused. It asks an endless
list of questions that you can’t answer. You end up like a robot
blowing steam out of its ears. Why does this happen?

If you want to stop being nervous around women, you’ll need to

silence the chatter. Take a breather, learn to meditate to quiet the
tongue, clear your thoughts, and become present in the moment.
Rather than living in the future ("What might happen!?") or the past
("Terrible things happened last time!"), you’ll learn to be in the now.

When you’re in a state of calm, present energy, then you’ll be able

to access all that charismatic energy, intellect, and use it effectively.

#3: Calm the Body

Men approach women with pounding hearts and wonder why they
don’t know what to say. It’s because there’s no blood left in their
brain. It’s all gone to the hands and feet, preparing them to either
run or fight for their lives, not flirt with pretty women.

Notice that when your adrenalized heart races, so does your mind.
This is your instinctual fight or flight mechanism. Its purpose is to
keep you "safe." As stated earlier, learning to control these
emotions is key.

Take a breath. Calm your mind, and you calm your body — and vice
versa. Tell your heart to “slow down.” Once your heart has relaxed
its pace, then you can focus on the girl and your interaction with her.
Take a moment to breathe... and realize you are definitely not going
to die if you talk to her.

Until you’re calm, being seductive is impossible. So as a newbie,

make a habit out of placing yourself into stressful situations so that
you can practice calming your body down.

#4: Immerse Yourself in Sexy Women

I don’t mean take a bath with strippers (though that probably
wouldn't hurt). But to stop being nervous around women, you need
to spend more time with them. This is called Immersion Therapy.

If you’re afraid of heights, go sky diving. If you’re afraid of spiders,

buy a pet tarantula. What else is the fear of approaching women,
other than a fear of women themselves? Ridiculous, isn’t it? I
know 35-year-old entrepreneurs who make 40k a month, and
they’re afraid of talking to college girls. They’ve traveled the world,
bought and sold award-winning businesses, transformed their
bodies, and they can’t talk to a 20 year old without having a panic
attack.

They need to immerse themselves with women.

So wherever beautiful women are, that’s where I want you to be.

Night clubs, bars, yoga classes, cooking schools, shopping malls.
Go out of your way to approach and interact with them as often as
possible, and you’ll be on your way to stop being nervous around
women. You'll fail, and you'll fail a lot. But with each failure comes a
lesson. Failure is a great teacher. Do not fear failure; embrace it!
Then you'll start failing less.

#5: Find a Coach

If you’re not able to stop being nervous around women by yourself,
then perhaps you should hire a dating coach.

A good coach will have a lot of experience working with clients who
have approach anxiety and racing internal ego-chatter, who don’t
know what to say to girls, and more. Sure, they’re not cheap, but
they’ll be more effective than a psychologist; rather than
talking about your past, a coach will help you to take action
now, in the present.

Some coaches act as wingmen, even doing demonstrations in live

bootcamps, and some teach primarily over the phone or even email.
But a good coach will motivate you to take action and transform
your dating life. They’ll hold you accountable and provide valuable
support and feedback while you work to overcome your hangups.

(Note, you can hire me for this, too).

#6: Join Groups/Take Classes

Try standup comedy, improv, Salsa, Toastmasters, to name a few.

Take classes that will challenge you socially and force you to
confront your fears.

Classes also provide much needed positive reinforcement and

social validation. Just don't forget to have fun and goof off.

Personally, I've done a lot of public speaking, standup comedy, and

live performances. These undoubtedly helped me to stop being
nervous around everyone, including women.

There are also college classes, co-ed sports, drinking clubs, etc.
There are many things you can do that will, at least, get you out
of your house and interacting with people. The shared
experiences will make it easier to meet someone get to know them.

#7: Cold Approach

Cold approaching is arguably the hardest (emotionally) but the most
powerful tool to stop being nervous around women. It also happens
to be the most effective strategy for meeting women and taking
them as lovers. The entire men’s dating industry is built on the idea
that we shouldn’t wait to be introduced, but instead, be proactive in
approaching women.

Conclusion
Personally, learning cold approach changed my life, from a shy,
man-boobed weakling, to an international dating coach. With a lot
of focus, work ethic, and belief, you could do the same. You may not
want to be a world-traveling dating coach, but at the very least, you
could learn to stop being nervous around beautiful women.

Tony