10 Ways Guys Waste Time In-

Venue (and Donʼt Meet Girls)

Do you go out to meet girls, but just waste time? Here are the 10
most common ways guys twiddle thumbs instead of collect digits.

Think about the last time you went out to meet girls: did you waste
any time?

Did you waste a lot of time?

Of that last outing of yours, how much time did you actually spend
meeting women, versus... Not meeting women?

This isnʼt to say you need to be an approach machine. And itʼs

perfectly fine, healthy, and normal to go out with friends just to go
out with friends, or even to go to the bar just to have a drink and be
around people. But if your objective is to meet women, there are a
lot of ways you can waste time... And a lot of ways you can turn a
promising night into a big, fat zero.
This articleʼs primarily aimed at picking up girls in bars and clubs,
but much of the advice in here is applicable to day game as well
(and Iʼll use day game examples along with night game ones).

So, if you want to be more aware of things you do to procrastinate

and delay, instead of meet your future naked bedmate, here are 10
of the most egregious ones guys are guilty of.

#1: Nurse Their Drinks

“As soon as I finish this drink, Iʼm going to talk to every girl here.”

The first thing a lot of guys do when they get into a bar (or a café) is
head straight to the counter and order something. Thatʼs fine, I do
this much of the time too (especially if the venue is kind of dead, or
if Iʼm there more to hang out with friends than meet girls).
Sometimes itʼs good not to order something immediately, and to
instead just immediately start talking to people, no drink in-hand;
but sometimes you want to dip your toe in the water rather than
plunge in the deep end.
Where you get in trouble is if you buy that drink, then stand around
and stare at the ceiling for 40 minutes.

Thus, itʼs very important to be aware of why youʼre buying a drink:

are you buying it because you like cocktails or coffee? Or are you
buying it because you feel socially conspicuous without a drink in-
hand... Or because youʼre trying to put off approaching anyone in
the venue?

If you realize youʼre doing it to procrastinate, try this: when you go

up to order a drink, also talk to two people around you, right away.

Or, if you realize youʼre doing it to procrastinate, you may also

choose not to get a drink until youʼve chatted up at least three new
people in the venue.

Also be aware – with this and the other nine items to follow – that
you may be doing something to procrastinate and not be aware you
are. Thatʼs when you look at your behavior, ask yourself, “Am I
buying this drink to procrastinate?”, answer yourself, “Nope – I just
like drinks. Totally not buying this to procrastinate,” and then you
proceed to buy that drink and stare at the ceiling for 40 minutes not
talking to anyone anyway.

Social momentum is key – be wary of anything you do that retards

or prevents it... drink-nursing chief among these.

#2: Circle Around a Dozen Times

tfw itʼs the fourth time youʼve walked by in an hour and the
shopkeepers are starting to recognize you.

I often call this ‘prowlingʼ. As in, “Oh Goddamnit, Iʼm prowling the
venue again.” This is where you circle around a place, scoping the
scene and the women out... And then you circle around again... And
then you circle around again...

It may be you havenʼt seen a good spot to head to or a girl you want
to meet. Although much of the time it may be you saw a few girls
you wanted to approach, but they were in sticky approach
situations, or you otherwise had some approach anxiety well up.

Guys do this during day game, too. You have a few city blocks
youʼre circling around, looking for girls to meet, and you cover
them... Then cover them again... Then cover them again. You keep
lapping around them, like a plainclothes cop walking his beat. It
might be you didnʼt see any girls you wanted to approach, but if
youʼve got a good set of blocks to walk, more often itʼs that you had
some approach anxiety or otherwise didnʼt approach the girls you
did see... And instead told yourself something like, “Iʼll circle around
one more time, then Iʼll approach.”

If you catch yourself doing this, immediately go approach a girl and

break this pattern.

If there are absolutely nogirls to approach, then pick a spot and

hang there a while before you start to make people nervous. But
always aim for the approach over picking a spot, because after
youʼve put in all that energy of prowling about (and people notice
when you are), it looks too high effort if you donʼt then meet
somebody. Go meet a girl and people can say, “Oh, I guess she was
the friend he was looking for,” or else just notice that youʼre no
longer prowling and now socializing, and they can take the eye they
had on you back off you again.

#3: “Sheʼs Not Cute Enough”

Itʼs possible you are slightly too picky.

Youʼre standing in a place for 10 minutes, nursing your drink (just

like I told you not to!), and then suddenly you see a girl, wide open,
just waiting to meet someone.

Sheʼs pretty cute, but... Eh. Sheʼs not perfect. I mean, her face is
okay. And her bodyʼs pretty good. But youʼd really like to meet
someone cuter than her. I mean, sheʼs not ugly or anything...
Definitely doable. But you think you could do better.

So, you donʼt approach, and that ends up being the last opportunity
you get the whole night, and you go home alone.

Whoops.

Lower your standards and date hotter girls. If you went up there
and you hit it off with her, I guarantee she wouldʼve gone from, “Eh,
sheʼs cute, but not striking,” to, “Wow, this girlʼs actually kinda hot.
So glad I met her,” as soon as she started responding well and you
started picturing the conquest.

Even if she never gets super into you (or you never get super into
her), you build social momentum by going up to meet her, and you
build preselection, which you can then use to meet other (cuter)
girls in the area.

When you get openings like this to meet a girl, unless sheʼs
heinously ugly or looks like a tub of marshmallows, go say “hi” and
build a little momentum and preselection. You may even find sheʼs
much cuter up close... Or once she starts to rub you the right way.

#4: “Iʼll Say Hi When Iʼm Warmed Up”

Iʼm sure sheʼll still be there later.

This is one thatʼs perfectly valid if you know what youʼre doing...
Which is what makes it so insidious.

When youʼre saying this, do you actually have a plan to go meet this
girl relatively soon, or are you just pushing it off to some indefinite
future point in time?

Most men when they say this are picturing some imagined future
where they are just ‘onʼ socially and tearing it up in the venue. Then,
in that imagined future, at some point, they will run into this girl
again, sweep her off her feet, and all will be magic.

What actually ends up happening is the guy never gets ‘onʼ, and the
chance to meet the girl disappears. Or he does switch on, an hour
later, but sheʼs already left the venue by then.

The only time this oneʼs ever appropriate to use is if you are
actively warming up right now, and you know you can get her
within 5 to 10 minutes. If youʼre pretty sure sheʼs not going
anywhere, but she looks super hot, yet also kind of closed, and
thereʼs another girl or two in closer proximity you can warm up with,
then pivot to this other girl – then sure, yeah, go for it.

But if thereʼs nowhere else for you to warm up, or youʼre not really
going go to warm up right now?

Then this is just an excuse, and youʼre better off going up to use this
girl as the warm-up.

Itʼll get you approaching. Itʼll warm you up. And thereʼs always that
chance the warm-up itself turns into something more, too.

#5: Change Venues Too Often

Maybe the next bar has more.

There is little that drives me nuts more than being out with a guy
who wants to constantly change venues because heʼs trying to
avoid approaching.

I went out with a couple of guys one time, where we arrived at a

venue and immediately I noticed several groups of girls by their
lonesomes throwing out approach invitations. “Oh, this place is
great,” I said to myself.

Immediately, the guy who knew the area said, “Itʼs no good here,
Iʼve got a better place we can go to.”

And I said, “Wait – better than this? Because there are a lot of
receptive women here.” It was late at night already and leaving a
solid venue for anything else at this hour seemed pretty iffy.

But the guy said, “Yeah, no, this next place is awesome. Weʼve
totally got to go there.” And then he sold it really well. So I said okay,
and the group headed over there.

We had to walk for about 20 minutes (and the whole time Iʼm going
this placeʼd better be good), and when we got there it was...
Deserted. The party had ended. The place was pretty cool – it was
this old abandoned cathedral kitted out for parties inside. And we
were able to get in and walk around and check the scene out. But
there was not a soul still in the building except for us. It was a bust.

So then the guy who led us there started going on and on about
another place. And we started walking that way. And I asked him, “Is
this place definitely open? And is it definitely good? Because that
first place we went to was good – there were cute girls there who
wanted to meet someone.”

And he gave a non-committal response of well, I donʼt know, I think

itʼs open, but it might not be, but letʼs go and check it out, at which
point the group rebelled and we all went back to the first place.
Some of the girls at that place we left whoʼd been open previously
had guys with them now when we got back (guys Iʼd seen standing
off by themselves the first time through), but a few of them were
still open, and I pointed them out to the guys in my group and these
guys went up to meet them and they were friendly. Still, the hottest
girls whoʼd been open previously had already been snapped up,
because weʼd left a good venue without even chatting up the girls in
it first in search of some mythical better venue.

This is something I see guys do repeatedly. I used to see it with

students Iʼd take out:

Student: Thereʼs no one here, letʼs go to another venue.

Me: What about that girl... Sheʼs pretty cute, and sheʼs been
checking you out.

Student: I think sheʼs with someone or something.

Me: Go approach her and find out.

Then the guy approaches and about a third of the time heʼs right
and a boyfriend shows up two minutes later. The other two thirds of
the time he and the girl hit it off.

I also see it when I go out with friends. You arrive at a place replete
with girls to meet, and after five minutes the guy is ready to leave.
And youʼll be like, “You sure? Because there are lots of open girls
here. This place is pretty good.” And heʼll say yeah yeah, no worries,
this next place is better, and the next place turns out to be a bust.

Be wary of changing venues too quickly. Make sure youʼve checked

for approach invitations and otherwise open women before you
write a venue off. Sometimes small venues can be great – less
competition, the women are more bored. Much of the time when I
see guys want to change venues, they are wanting to ditch good
small venues for big loud mega clubs with larger populations of
women who are, nevertheless, much more guarded because the
place is so big and so loud and so dark, and because the men there
are so much more drunk, rude, and aggressive.

Good rule of thumb: do at least one approach in any venue you walk
into before you ditch the place. This can help you avoid ditching
otherwise-solid venues and wasting time on the venue-change
merry-go-round.

#6: Long Chats with Friends

But you got to tell your car sex story for the fifth time.

So youʼre there to meet girls, and you brought a wingman or two

along. And instead of approach, you... Have an hour-long
conversation with your wingmen. About approaching women. And
then after that hour-long conversation, none of you feels like
approaching anymore.

I have a friend who coached for Real Social Dynamics, a date

coaching company, and he used to call this being in a ‘chode circleʼ.
The RSD guys love using the word ‘chodeʼ to dismiss any guy who
isnʼt an approach machine; I think itʼs a crude, ugly term (the word
‘chodeʼ, in case youʼre unfamiliar, is slang for what youʼd otherwise
call the taint, or the perineum), but I always get a picture of this
friend in my head, laughing and saying ‘chode circleʼ any time I see
guys allegedly there to meet women formed up in a circle talking to
each other instead.

Be careful about getting too involved talking with friends or

wingmen when the purpose of your outing is to meet girls. Whether
youʼre having a confab with a wing on a park bench during day
game or youʼre standing around in a closed-off circle chatting and
nursing your drinks at the bar, too much time in this position is
deadly for social momentum and makes it much harder for you to
split off and suddenly start approaching later.

Talk to your friends once the night is over (if neither of you left with
a girl), or another time when you meet up just to hang. If the point of
the outing is women, though – well, go talk to women.

#7: Room Scans

Heʼs been doing this for three minutes now.

Nothing wrong with taking a moment to take in the scene, of course.

Itʼs good to scan the room and get the lay of the land.

What some men will get wrong though is posting up somewhere (or
even standing right out in the open) and scanning the room back
and forth like they work security there.

As a tactic, you can use this sometimes to elicit approach

invitations. Itʼs very noticeable, and you clearly signal your desire to
meet someone. However, if you stand there and keep scanning,
and looking around, and checking, and scanning... It makes you
look undesirable.

An effective predator does not stand in the open and keep looking
around. He looks once, for a moment, then fixes on his prey.
Standing there and continually scanning will continually call
attention to yourself (because people pay attention to others who
are clearly ‘on alertʼ), and show you to be an ineffective predator.
Either no girls signaled their openness to you, or you didnʼt catch
them when they did. Either way, you look like some guy whoʼs just
going to stand there and keep looking around the room.

Worse is this technique actually does get less effective the longer
you use it. Girls will throw you invitations when they first notice you
doing it, but if you keep doing it they assume you arenʼt interested
or arenʼt observant or are just too scared to come talk to them.

It becomes an easy way to waste time while feeling like youʼre doing
something... Without actually doing something.

If youʼre scanning the room for more than 10 seconds every 10 or 20

minutes or so, youʼre probably scanning much too much. Use this
sparingly, not in large portions.

#8: Social Butterfly

Right when the girls start to get comfortable, itʼs time for these guys
to go meet someone else.

On its surface, social butterflying looks like exactly what you should
do to get girls in a social venue (like a bar or a party). Flit about,
meet people here, meet people there. Hop from girl to girl. Turn a
cold venue (where no one knows you) into a warm venue (where
everyone knows you – or wants to get to know you).

Thereʼs a difference, however, between being sociable and being a

social butterfly. The difference is this:

The sociable man meets new people, socializes, says hello,

makes small talk and chitchat, and builds up his social
momentum this way. He uses this to meet a girl he likes... And
as soon as he does meet her, he locks in on her, sheds his
socializing, and focuses on creating a connection and moving
things forward with her.

The social butterfly does all this up until the point where he
locks in. The difference is that his goal is not “Leverage
socializing to meet a great girl, then switch girls and zero in on
her”, but rather “Socialize till you can socialize no more.” Thus,
when he does meet a girl, heʼs unable to commit to talking to
her, and instead bounces off her and continues to flit about
socially. She says to herself he just must not have been
interested, and leaves or meets someone else.

The difference is subtle here, but itʼs the guyʼs object. Is your object
to use socializing to meet a girl, or has socializing become the
object itself?

Be very careful not to let socializing become the object when you
are out to meet girls. This can derail you fast – and waste a whole lot
of time.

#9: Eject Too Soon

“Maybe he likes guys?”

Cousin to #8 is ejecting too soon – which you do in the case of

social butterflying, and do in any number of other occasions, too.
Any time youʼre meeting girls, hitting it off with them, and then
ejecting before you get too far into the courtship, youʼre guilty of
this.

This is okay, I suppose, and can get you some reference points if
youʼre brand new. Or doing something really novel for yourself (e.g.,
if youʼve never run into a store to approach a girl you saw through
the window before – if it goes well but you eject too early, well,
sometimes the first few approaches in a novel scenario can be like
that until you get more comfortable, and thatʼs fine).

But otherwise, this is time wasting to the nth degree. Whatʼs the
point of going out to meet girls if youʼre going to bail before you can
get anything going on with them?

I wonʼt talk too in-depth about this one since Iʼve already got an
article up on it. If youʼre at all guilty of this one, make sure youʼve
read it:

Tactics Tuesdays: Do You Eject from Dates or Pickups Too

Soon?

#10: Ignore Interested Girls

She thought the legs, smile, and hair toss would be enough to catch
his interest. Silly girl.

Remember the examples we used back with “Sheʼs not cute

enough” and “Iʼll talk to her later”? Thoseʼre only two of the reasons
a guy may do this. Here are some others:

Heʼs talking to someone else. He doesnʼt want to be

rude and excuse himself to go meet her.

Sheʼs talking to someone else. She keeps glancing

toward him and pointing her body at him, but sheʼs in a
conversation or looking at something. He doesnʼt want to
intrude.
 She seemed interested, then got distracted.
Something caught her eye after she gave him that approach
invitation. Oh well, I guess she isnʼt interested after all, he says.

Sheʼs with friends. Too hard to meet her when there are
other people around, he figures. So he doesnʼt talk to her.

Someone else approached her first. She was putting

approach invitations out there, but another guy swooped in
before he could. I guess sheʼs his now, he says.

Itʼs early / late / the middle of the night. Wouldnʼt want

to approach her at the wrong time, you know.

Heʼs waiting for his friends. They might not be able to

find him if he goes and talks to her.

He hasnʼt ordered anything yet. Donʼt want to be rude

to the venue and not pay for a drink or a coffee before you start
hitting on patrons, that is.

He isnʼt 100% positive she wants to meet him. Only

thing worse than missing out on a girl whoʼs interested is going
up to meet a girl and not having it be 100% on. Right? Oh...

These sound like silly reasons when you write them down. And they
are all silly reasons. Yet, they will pop into your head when youʼre
looking for rationalizations not to approach, and theyʼll usually feel
pretty credible at the time.

The real reason is almost always either approach anxiety or apathy...

One or the other.

However, if you notice any of these ‘reasonsʼ pop into your head,
realize that theyʼre not reasons – theyʼre excuses. And while you
waste time waiting for the reasons to clear, sheʼll have moved on...
Or the day or night itself will have ticked on by.

Donʼt Waste Time

Again, totally fine to just go out to hang out, shoot the breeze with
buddies, or relax. Nothing wrong with that.

Yet if youʼre going out specifically to meet women, and youʼre

wasting time like this – well, youʼre not doing yourself any favors.

Be aware of these 10 time wasters men use:

1. Nurse their drinks

2. Circle around a dozen times
3. “Sheʼs not cute enough”
4. “Iʼll say hi when Iʼm warmed up”
5. Change venues too often
6. Long chats with friends
7. Room scans
8. Social butterfly
9. Eject too soon
10. Ignore interested girls

When you notice yourself doing these, do everything in your power

to cut them out.

Youʼll have a much more productive dating life for the trouble. And a
lot fewer days and nights where you go out aiming to meet cute girls
yet end up with zip to show for it.

Always,
Chase