Bonus - The 40 “Attraction Killers”

These are 40 of the most common attraction-killing mistakes guys make. Most of these
apply to social venues like bars, parties, clubs… or when you’re out on a date with a
girl. Just eliminating these things will improve your results dramatically.

1. Breaking eye contact (especially looking down)

2. Standing or sitting with your legs close together
3. Moving for people when it’s not necessary
4. Slouching when sitting or standing
5. Tight shoulders
6. Keeping your hands in your pockets
7. Fidgeting with your hands and/or shifting from foot to foot
8. “Pecking” - leaning in while talking to a girl
9. “Sharking” - walking around a venue scanning for available girls
10. “Drink Guarding” - holding a drink in front of your chest to guard your body
11. Hiding your hands (crossing your arms or putting your hands under the table)
12. Vocal tonality going up in pitch (like you’re asking a question)
13. Overusing “filler words” - yeah, uh, um, like, etc…
14. Returning to a previous conversational thread after it was cut off
15. Clinging to “conversational lifeboats”
16. Talking too much and not letting her invest more in the conversation
17. Apologizing when you don’t need to
18. Being dismissive or negative about yourself
19. Forming a “chode crystal” (clinging to your friends for safety)
20. Standing around not doing anything
21. Ignoring your friends in a group, not having fun with the people you came with
22. Acting “too cool for school” (taking yourself too seriously)
23. Unnecessary enthusiasm (people pleasing)
24. Being too eager
25. Asking her too many questions, too soon
26. Giving positive body language too soon
27. Chasing her body language
28. Rewarding negative/unreceptive behavior with positive body language
29. Supplicating (buying time and attention)
30. Waiting around for a girl after she leaves
31. Qualifying yourself (chasing her approval)
 32. Skipping ahead in the interaction too fast (forcing something to happen)
33. Polar-opposing insecurity complex (overcompensating for your flaws)
34. Condescending someone’s personality
35. Giving negative body language during rapport (i.e. rejecting her)
36. Not touching her enough
37. Not getting her alone (so you can get physical without people judging her)
38. Being afraid to lead
39. Being afraid to escalate and pull the trigger
40. Being afraid of rejection

Transcript of Coaching Call on the “40 Attraction Killers”

Conor:
All right, hey guys, what's up? It's Conor here. I'm on the phone with Kevin.

Kevin:
[inaudible 00:00:07].

Conor:
We are getting ready to kick off coaching call 18, and I just wanted to say very briefly
we're really excited to have Kevin himself out in Denver joining us at Tao headquarters
full time. Some of you guys have known him from coaching, but yeah, he's coming from
Miami to Join us in Denver and help us grow this company and be total badasses. So,
picking him up from the airport tomorrow and I'm really, really excited. So, yeah man, I
can't wait to have you out here.

Kevin:
Yeah, and I'm super excited. I know I don't sound like it. I'm just really tired. I'm super
excited.

Conor:
I know, I talked to you about 10 minutes ago, and in between now and then I put some
loud music on and drank a cup of coffee, so I'm ready to go now. I'm ready to rock this
call. And I'm also sitting here in my Washington Capitals jersey waiting for the Playoffs
to kick off in about 45 minutes. That's my team. I root for them every year, and I just
shaved today so I'm growing out a Playoff beard. So, growing it during the Playoffs. I'm
not shaving so it's going to be awesome. So anyways. It's on mute in the other room,
but if you guys hear me scream or get super excited, it's probably because they just
scored a goal. So just pre warning you. So yeah. We have a very cool call to go over
today. I'm really excited.

Conor:
The topic of today's call is 40 specific things to stop doing that will instantly make you
more attractive, AKA, the 40 game killers. This is kind of a compilation of something
we've all put together. We've learned from experience. We've had some other materials,
or another call on this a long time ago, and it was actually 30, but I've since added to it,
and now it's 40. And I'd like to just go through them. If you're listening right now, take
out a pen or a paper, or type on your laptop, or whatever. You're definitely going to want
to take notes on these. And this will probably become... You know we tried it recently on
a handout at the last program we taught. It went over really well, so I want to start
teaching this more because it's very specific. Guys love to learn the concepts, and why
things work, but I also like to teach exactly, do this, don't do that.

Conor:
And this is going to be a bunch of things to eliminate from your behavior that will
instantly make you more attractive. A lot of times, we're trying to learn how to do new
behaviors or new things that we're not used to, but a large part of getting really good at
women is about eliminating stuff that you already do that is kind of hurting you or
making it harder for you to attract women. And a lot of it's body language, the way that
you talk, the way that you think. A lot of things are kind of fears that we have that hold
us back. And yeah, they're all very specific so, let's get it going. You ready Kevin?

Kevin:
Yeah. Definitely.

Conor:
Cool, cool. So, number one on the list is poor eye contact. So this is a pretty obvious
one. Everyone's heard this before. We've talked about this all the time, but I'd have to
say, this is one of the most underutilized tools for attracting women is drawing them in
with your eyes and making strong laser focused eye contact. It's very important. When
you break eye contact, it shows that you're nervous or that you're submissive, and
whatever emotional state you're feeling is going to come out in your eyes, and you want
to be able to communicate that to the girl that you're talking to, and people in general
when you talk to them, they read a lot of things out of your eyes. So, you want to
practice making strong eye contact with everyone that you talk to. Even if you think you
do it enough, you probably don't. No one does it enough. You can't do enough of it, and
it really shows a lot of confidence, a lot of sexuality, a lot of sexual confidence, and they
can feel tension. It's just one of your biggest tools for attracting women, that a lot of
times when we get nervous we forget to do. So, pay attention to that one for sure.
What's the next one?

Kevin:
Great. The next one is standing or sitting with your legs too close together. Yeah. I
mean it just looks really feminine. You know, if you're standing and we get some guys
like this, not all the time, but you should notice in yourself. If you stand, and your legs
should be, I like to say, shoulder width apart. Like a good, I don't know, what is that, like
a foot and a half apart from each other. Same thing with sitting. If you're sitting down
and your knees are touching, it just looKs like you're trying to be smaller. You're not
really owning the space. The way you're standing, it looks a lot more manly to loosen it
up. Take a nice shoulder width apart, and we call it a cowboy stance. [inaudible
00:04:52]things over the phone, you would have to see it, but same thing with sitting
too. If you could have your legs separated while you're sitting a comfortable distance, it
looks really masculine, and you're really owning and taking up the space. And you
should feel like you deserve that space. You know, you don't have to get smaller just
because other people are around.

Conor:
Yeah, absolutely you know. It's always a sign of submission or femininity you know, to
not take up the space that's yours. Cool. So, number three is kind of closely correlated
to that. Moving for people when it's not necessary. If you're in a crowded environment,
or just any environment in general, and you move out of someone's way if you don't
have to, like they didn't ask you to... This happens a lot in crowded bars or crowded
places like a bus or a train or something, and it's the same thing as number two where,
you're not taking up the space that's yours, and it's almost like you're apologizing for
your space or complying with people when you don't have to.

Conor:
Now, don't think that you can never move for somebody. If somebody is, let's say you're
sitting on a bench or something, and somebody comes over and is like, hey, can you
move? I need to get by. That's totally fine if they ask you to move, and they really don't
have enough room, but a lot of times, let's say you're sitting on that same bench, and
someone sits down next to you, and you shrink yourself smaller to accommodate them,
that's submissive. It's the same thing as having your legs close together, projecting that
you're nervous, and submitting to them. Don't do that unless you really have to.

Kevin:
Right. It's what you're projecting through your body language. So if you're getting out of
people's way and stuff, are you doing it to be polite? Are you doing it because they
really need to get through, or are you being pushed around? You know what I mean?

Conor:
Yeah.

Kevin:
Like are you the guy in the club or in the bar that everybody is just kind of like, every
time they walk by you have to move, and that would drive anybody crazy.

Conor:
Yeah. Totally. And actually what I found when I started doing more dominate body
language, and taking up more space is that people move for you. If there is a crowded
space, you don't have to move for other people. Make them move for you unless there's
no other options. And that's just much more dominate, and much more attractive. Cool.
So you want to do number four?

Kevin:
Number four. Number four, slouching and sitting or standing. A good way to test this
out, a way to check yourself for not slouching is put your back against the wall, and just
try and get your shoulder blades to touch the wall, and that will allow you to pull your
shoulders back. Slouching just does not look attractive at all. I mean you look smaller,
you don't look confident. Honestly, you talked about number one, eye contact, and now
we're talking about not slouching. Honestly, just those two things, just having dominate
eye contact, and standing straight up, that's my opener. You know what I mean? That's
how I open girls all the time. Yeah, and I don't get out of their way too. Number three,
and I don't get out of their way. I was coaching a guy not too long ago, I was trying to
get him to stop. You know, to stop girls. Like, stop, commit, open this group of girls.

Kevin:
And a lot of times, what he would do, he would just let the girls walk by or whatever, and
I showed him how to do it. And you really have to place yourself right in their path, right
where they're walking, get in front of them. You ake good strong eye contact, you hold
it. You hold eye contact, smile. When you break eye contact, just don't look down. I
mean that's probably another one. And having that posture is so dominant. People
really respond to it. And anyways...

Conor:
Yeah. It just shows that you're not afraid, and that you're completely confident and
comfortable wherever you are which is very attractive. So, where were we, number five,
having tight shoulders. Here's another submissive body language thing. It's also the
reason, which is the next one, keeping your hands in your pockets. So I always tell
students, take your hands out of your pockets because what happens is, when you
force your hands into your pockets, or when you're nervous in general, your shoulders
get scrunched up, kind of like the reaction your body has when it's cold and you're trying
to warm yourself up, and it's just another submissive body language cue that shows that
you're nervous, you're afraid of being attacked, and so you're tightening up your
shoulders as if you're prepared for an attack, or as if you're trying to protect your neck.

Conor:
So, you want to always have loose shoulders, relax them. They'll feel better when you
do this too. You carry a lot of tension in your shoulders, which is why people love to get
shoulder rubs, and shoulder massages, and back massages, because you always have
a lot of tension in there. You don't realize it, and if you could just relax them, roll them
back. Kind of shake them up, and have your shoulders back and down, not so much
that your chest is sticking out, but just so that you're relaxed, and they're not rolled over,
you feel a lot more confident and you look that way too. And that's very closely related
to the next one Kevin, number six.

Kevin:
Keeping your hands in your pocket, right? These are all things not to do. So, keeping
your hands in your pocket, it looks like you're hiding something. Everybody reads body
language all the time unconsciously. It's 60% of communication is body language. So
keeping your hands in your pockets, it's just going to be read as, oh this guy is a bit
insecure, he may be hiding something, he's closed off. I know that using your body
language to your advantage can help in keeping conversation going. You keep your
hands out of your pockets, and you use your hands to talk, it will allow you to be more
expressive. You lead the body so the mind will follow. Also, the touching and escalating
touch, you're breaking a touch barrier here initially. It's better to keep your hands out of
your pockets so you don't have to pull your hand all the way out of your pocket and then
place it on her shoulder. You can have your hands out while you're talking to her, and it
would be very natural. But yeah.

Conor:
Yeah. Excellent point. Anytime you hide your hands, which I think is another one
specifically on this list, because there is other ways you can hide your hands, but
anytime you hide your hands, you're showing that you have something to hide, or you're
not comfortable. It's sometimes a tell of lying, but, anytime you show your hands,
especially showing your palms, it's very disarming and it shows that you have nothing to
hide, and you're very open. And it makes people much more receptive to what you're
talking about. Another one, we start this lift off with a lot of body language stuff. So,
these are all things to adjust your body language as you're paying attention and
changing the way your body moves. Number seven is fidgeting. This is usually fidgeting
with your hands, or shifting from foot to foot are the two most common ones that I've
seen, or that I've done.

Conor:
And this is a result of nervous energy coming out through your body. It comes out
through your hands, through your arms and your legs. A lot of times, we'll do certain
nervous ticks. One that I see a lot that's something that we do to calm ourselves when
we're afraid or nervous is rubbing your neck. That's usually very soothing and it feels
good. Playing with your hair, girls do this a lot. They play with their hair because it's
soothing and it feels good.

Conor:
Any kind of fidgeting that you do. It's okay to move your hands and do things with a
purpose, but fidgeting is more of an uncontrolled movement that you're not even aware
that you're doing, and a lot of times it takes someone else pointing it out because it's
subconscious. You don't realize that you're doing these things. But, whenever you're
under pressure, and you feel nervous, a lot of times. I used to gesture really hard with
my right hand, doing like a karate chop, an ax motion or a karate chopping motion, and I
didn't realize until someone told me that I was doing that. It was uncontrollable, and it
was just because I was nervous, and that energy was coming out, and it made my
motions look very rigid and very afraid. So, start to pay attention. It's helpful to have
somebody else point it out to you, so you can point it out to your wing man, and he'll
point it out for you. That's what we're here for as coaches too, and we can tell you these
things when we see you in person.

Conor:
Usually the best way to get rid of that is to relax and slow down everything that you're
doing. And it might feel weird at first. That's kind of the same thing as using filler words,
which is another one on this list, where you don't realize that you're doing it. So just
slow down, take a deep breath, and try and just move and speak a lot slower until things
slow down for you, and you can be more calm and relaxed, and eventually those things
go away. I think reprogramming a habit takes about three weeks. So, if you can do that
for three weeks, you won't have that problem anymore.
Kevin:
Yeah, I mean fidgeting, it comes out in all different kind of ways. Usually we're doing it
because we're just trying to find another excuse to look down. I don't know if guys in the
call are familiar with the idea of eye accessing cues, but whenever you look down,
you're accessing the emotional part of your brain. So, a lot of times, guys will fall into
this downward spiral or this negative state. They're not feeling all happy, and everything
so they look down, and usually, it will be, they start to peel the label on their beer, or
they start to play with the paper from the straw. They'll start to crumble it up or
whatever. Or even being on your phone too man. That's just another way to zone
yourself out, to just take yourself out of being in the moment.

Conor:
Yeah. Have you've ever seen anybody at a business meeting or a class with a pen that
clicks? Clicking a pen, anything that you are sort of absent mindlessly doing with your
hands, or absent mindlessly doing with your body that you're not really paying attention
to, but it can be annoying and show that you're nervous.

Kevin:
Right.

Conor:
So, let's move on. The next three are really awesome. I think most guys will really get a
lot out of these, starting with number eight.

Kevin:
Number eight.

Conor:
You want to take that one?

Kevin:
Yeah, eight is pecking. Pecking is leaning it really. We call it that because you look like
one of those birds that keeps pecking. This is unattractive just because you're putting in
way too much effort. In the beginning you're leaning all the way in. Taller guys usually
have more of a problem with this, because you got to lean in and be heard, and also
talk to the girl as well. I mean, there is not a problem with leaning in, as long as you
qualified her. Hopefully you guys are familiar with the idea of qualifying.
Kevin:
Qualifying is when you establish mutual attraction. You've given reason as to why you
actually like her. You don't just walk up to the girl and you're like, okay, let's hang out
you're awesome. You don't even know her. Once you get her to qualify herself, it's like
she works for your attraction. You know, she works for it. She gave you reason as to
why to like her. You qualify her, you show interest, and then you can lean in, and then
it's welcome. It's not just like, I'm talking to a girl and then all of a sudden I'm leaning in.

Kevin:
It just looks needy. You know. It's just like you're doing all the work, and she doesn't
have to do anything. It looks a lot more attractive to lean back and have a girl lean into
you.

Conor:
Totally. Yeah. This is all in attraction in the very beginning stages where if you're
chasing too much with your body language, you're leaning in too much, it shows
neediness, which is unattractive, as we've established. For the next one, also something
you don't want to do during attraction, or really ever, is when you're at a bar and you are
walking around basically scanning the room for girls, and it's very obvious, and we call it
sharking. Sharking is basically if you've been, or if you've seen guys that have basically,
not talking to anyone, and walking around the room, or being in a conversation but not
speaking to the person, and they're just kind of scanning the room and scanning the
room for girls, checking out girls.

Kevin:
Yeah.

Conor:
We call it sharking. You can't see me right now, so it's hard to describe over the phone,
but it looks like a shark on the prowl kind of moving through the crowd, and the guy
always do this when they're looking for girls to approach. But the problem is that while
you're doing it, you're not interacting with anybody else, so you have low value, and
you're also appearing very need and very reaction seeking. So you don't want to do
that. Instead, when you're in a bar or a crowded environment, you always want to be
interacting with somebody. And you can check people out, check out girls while you're
talking to somebody else, or while you're speaking on the phone or doing something
else. Then it simply doesn't look like you're checking them out anymore. You can be a
lot more discreet about it. In fact, girls know this intuitively, and they do it really well
where you'll never see a girl obviously scanning the room or checking people out, but
they do it very subtly and very discreetly while they're talking to each other because
they know that it's creepy to be seen checking people out. Make sense?

Kevin:
Yeah. I mean when I see a girl looking around, that's like an easy approach for me. I
don't know why, but I just get that feeling. I'm just like, she's looking for somebody to
talk to. You know? That's what it looks like. I mean, I want you to say something about
sharking because I went out last night with my friend, and we went out to the club. He
knows that I'm going to talk to women and flirt and everything, so he goes into the club,
and we're on the dance floor. Just hanging out maybe dancing a little bit, but then he
would just be looking around, just looking around and it's just so distracting. And one
way to combat this is to be there with your wing man.

Kevin:
Talk to your wing man, joke around with your wing man. I'm dancing, I'm joking around,
I'm being silly. I'm singing along to the songs and stuff. Look, I'm not jealous of the
attention or anything, but it's a lot better for him to pay attention to me, and to be with
me, and be my boy rather than looking around for girls to approach. Girls are going to
coming around, or you could walk around and meet girls. Either way they're going to be
there. I just think it's important to realize that people go out to have a good time, and if
you're... Sorry I was reading something. People go out to have a good time, so if you're
the good time, they're going to be going out looking for you. You shouldn't be looking
around for good times [inaudible 00:19:25].

Conor:
Absolutely. Yeah, and as long as you're bouncing around having a good time, people
will be looking at you instead of you looking at them, which makes you high value in
everybody else's eyes. Yeah. Cool. So the last one in this kind of body language stuff is
drink guarding, which is basically, anytime you're holding a drink, a lot of times we
subconsciously just hold it in front of our chests because it feels comfortable.
Regardless of the reason, what we're communicating to other people is that we're
nervous, so we're going to guard ourselves. It looks like you're guarding yourself. It's the
same effect as if you cross your arms. It looks like you're skeptical or you're guarding
yourself. You're worried. It's kind of a worried look. And it just looks submissive. Again, it
looks like you're afraid of getting attacked, so you're putting something in front of your
chest which is a vulnerable part of your body. So, a much better way to be to look more
confident is you just put your drink down, or hold it at your side so it's not in front of your
body. That's a pretty easy one to get rid of.
Conor:
And then I guess there's one more body language one I want to go over, and then we'll
talk about conversational stuff, and that is hiding your hands. I said this earlier with
putting your hands in your pockets. This can also be seen when, if you cross your arms
and you put your hands kind of in your underarms a little bit, or if you're sitting down,
you put your hands under the table or behind your back. Anytime you hide your hands,
you're communicating that you have something to hide, which makes it harder for
people to trust you, or harder for people to open up to you. So, a really good thing to do
instead, and I've started doing this all the time, when I'm teaching especially, and I
learned it from Josh, from watching Josh and how he moves, is that I'll gesture with my
palms out, and I'll show everyone my palms all the time.

Conor:
I kind of shake them around and clearly put my hands out in the open. And it basically is
communicating. This is body language communicating, hey, I have nothing to hide, you
can trust me, and it makes people more comfortable with you. Kevin, you want to do 12
through, I guess I don't know, the next couple of lines?

Kevin:
Yeah, totally, totally.

Conor:
Cool.

Kevin:
So we're on number 12. That would be poor vocal tonality right? You don't want to have
poor vocal tonality. Poor vocal tonality is either being too soft spoken or ending your
sentences on an up note so everything sounds like a question. It doesn't really sound
like you're sure of yourself, and it sounds a little feminine. It's like you want to end
everything in a downtown, and you sound reassuring and confident. Yeah, no. As far as
vocal tonality, I'd rather you be louder than being too soft. You have to be heard in order
to engage girls. It's just like the only way man. So, the next one is number 13, over use
of filler words. Filler words are like, um, so, like. If you use the word like a lot, it gets
annoying for me just even hearing it. And those things, those are just filling up space
between thoughts, ideas, sentences, whatever.

Kevin:
People tend to do that because they don't want to be cut off. So they'll hold the floor by
saying, um. And it just looks needy because it shows that you're not used to having
attention. So, if you lose the attention, you're probably never going to get it again, that's
how you feel. So, it's like, you have to be okay with people cutting you off and just letting
you go. The leader knows not to follow. So same thing with fidgeting and what you were
talking about earlier controlling your body language, just slowing things down, that really
helps take control of the fidgety movements and everything. Same thing with talking. If
you slow down your rate of speech, it can really build a lot of anticipation, those
pregnant pauses, getting rid of filler words.

Kevin:
What do we have next? Number 14, and this is playing into what I was already saying.
When returning to a previous conversational thread after it was cut off. And this is really
powerful, whenever you're talking about a topic, say for instance, and I'll just use the
same example of yours. Say I'm talking about Miami, and I'm like, okay, I'm from Miami
and it's really cool. I go out to the beach and I could get a suntan. And the girl is like, oh,
suntans, I had a friend that used to work at the suntanning place, and she had a really
good job there, and now I want to get a job there. I don't have a job right now. I've been
looking for work. The job market is really hard. Right, she changed the topic. If all of
sudden, she was done with her idea, I just went back to Miami, just like, oh yeah, but in
Miami, you need to get a job there.

Kevin:
So, it sounds like I didn't listen to her talk at all. You want to listen, just let the
conversation flow. If somebody ever cuts you off in the middle of your story or your
topic, just let it go. Just say, for instance, I'm talking about my childhood, or I'm talking
about my first kiss or something, and then her friend comes over and cuts me off, and
then says something. I'll give it a minute, I'll just hold it for a second. And then she'll be
like, oh, so what were you saying again about your first kiss? So now the story is
welcomed. She actually wants to hear that. I'm not just some guy that's just telling
random stories. It's qualifying it. So that's a pretty powerful technique. You want to do
the next three?

Conor:
Yeah. Sure. That's a really good point too. That number 14 where, if somebody cuts you
off and then you immediately try and go back to it, it shows neediness. It shows that
you're not really confident, and not comfortable, and you're having the conversation.
Whereas, and this was a hard one for me to learn, which is why I put it in there, is if you
get cut off, unless somebody says, hey what where you saying? I never go back to what
I was saying again. I just kind of let the conversation go with the flow. And it's kind of
like, I think we were talking about some sort of improv technique before where you
never negate anything or say no to anything. So, if a conversation wants to go a certain
direction, just go with it. Don't try to control it and bring it back to what you want to talk
about. Unless somebody says, hey what were you talking about? In which case it's okay
and it's not needy anymore because they asked you. And it's kind of very closely related
to the next one, number 15, which is clinging to conversational life boats. And what this
means is basically trying to take a topic that is working for you in conversation, and just
beat it into the ground and not talk about anything else.

Conor:
And guys do this a lot when they're not used to talking to a girl, and they find maybe
something they have in common, or they're talking about something or maybe they're
flirting with her and they have a nickname for her or some sort of fun game that they're
playing. Whenever you find something in a conversation and it's working right? It's going
really well and you're enjoying it, if you go with that too long, if you hammer it into the
ground, and you don't push the interaction forward and let things evolve, you'll take
something that was working and you'll ruin it. You'll over do it. You'll over game. This
happens a lot when guys are learning how to banter, and they find, wow, calling girls
funny nicknames makes them really laugh, and they like me a lot. And they start to get
good reactions right? It's kind of a form of seeking reactions, where you get a good
reaction, and if they keep doing the thing that got you the good reaction, and you do it
again, and again, and again, like you're afraid to lose that reaction. And usually every
conversational topic, whether it's in rapport, banter, or flirting, or whatever, every
conversational topic, you can run out it's lifespan and kind of lose it after a while.

Conor:
So, don't run your conversations in the ground. Don't be afraid to change the topic and
talk about a lot of things, especially if it makes you uncomfortable. Just keep going with
the conversation, and don't try to beat a dead horse if that makes any sense. And the
next one, number 16. So I think Kevin and I are probably both guilty of all the time, is
talking too much. Talking too much. Basically again, it conveys neediness. First of all, if
you're doing all the talking in the conversation, you're not giving a girl any chance to
invest, any chance to talk to you and add something to the conversation. In which case
she won't value you. She won't be as attractive, and she won't care as much because
she has no role to play in the conversation.

Conor:
So you always want to start a conversation by carrying the weight and doing most of the
talking, but once you qualify a girl, and start moving into a more mutual conversation,
you want to make sure that there's at least a 50/50 exchange, and you want to be able
to, just as much as you're talking, you want to be able to sit back and listen and let the
other person talk. Nobody likes to feel like a dancing monkey where they are just
carrying the whole wight of the conversation and doing all the work. It's tiring, and it's
need and unattractive, and if you end up doing that a lot, than you need to step back
and let the girl talk to you more. You're doing too much, you're not letting her do
enough.

Conor:
So, number 17 is saying sorry too much, apologizing too much. I mean, it's just kind of a
verbal form of the body language thing, what I was saying. Don't move out of people's
way if you don't have to. Don't apologize for shit if you don't have to. If you really screw
up and insult someone, or make a mistake, or there's something where you should
apologize, that's okay. Own up to it and go, hey, sorry about that. But a lot of times,
saying sorry too much is a form of qualifying yourself. It's a form of submission. It's a
form of saying, hey, I hope you like me. I really hope I don't offend you, so I'm going to
apologize for shit even though I don't have to.

Conor:
So, unless you really need to, which is hardly ever, don't apologize. Confident, dominate
guys rarely apologize for anything unless they really screw up. And I'm going to talk
about one more, and then I'll let Kevin do 19 because it's awesome. Number 18, we call
this the Nebraska rule, and this is being dismissive or negative about yourself in any
way. I think Brad told me this one, and he came up with it because he was hanging out
in the Midwest, or hanging out with a bunch of people form the Midwest, and they were
just really negative and kind of, they talked about themselves and where they were from
in a really negative way. He'd be like, oh, where are you from? We're from Nebraska.
You know, it's not that great. It's kind of boring.

Conor:
Talking about your job, about your friends, about yourself, about where you're from,
anything about yourself, you always want to be upbeat, and positive, and proud of it.
You don't have to be a clown and say, oh my God, it's fucking best thing ever, but don't
say negative things about yourself. It just communicates that if you don't like yourself,
why should anybody else. And I find a lot of people doing this, and it's submissive, and
it's unattractive.

Conor:
So, always find a way to talk about yourself in a positive light to other people. It's not
bragging. This is another thing too. People do this because they're afraid of bragging
right? They don't want to be arrogant, but, when we're afraid of being something,
sometimes, so we overcompensate in the other direction right? So, don't
overcompensate for being arrogant, or trying to be super humble and modest because
that just comes across as you're worthless. You're kind of communicating to people that
you have no self worth or self esteem, and that's not attractive at all. So, pay attention to
that for sure. And then, you want to talk about 19?

Kevin:
Okay. Number 19. Forming a chode crystal. It's like circling up with friends for safety
right? That's what it says here. A chode crystal right? So, chodes are pretty much what
we call a bunch of guys who are choding out. They're just not approaching girls, they all
will form it. It will be like two or three guys and they're not approaching any girls, and
they just decide, hey, we're all going to hang out and not go around and have a good
time. I mean, I understand if you go out with your friends, and you want to have a good
conversation with your friends, you guys are having a good time or whatever, but,
there's a difference when, especially if we're on a boot camp or you're going out and
want to test out some new stuff.

Kevin:
You know, you end up hanging out in the corner with your friends or your wing man, and
the longer you wait to approach, the harder the night is going to be. Get that first
approach out of the way immediately when you walk in. Just get it out of the way,
because it's always the hardest. First approach is always hard. Get it out of the way.
Whatever. If you get rejected who cares. It's like the same thing with touch. You know,
the longer you wait to touch, the weirder it's going to get. The same thing with your mind
when you walk into the club.

Kevin:
It's like, what's easier? If you walk in and say, hey, whats up to the two girls immediately
to your left, and then you keep that social liability and you stay in the moment, and you
keep being social, you keep approaching people as opposed to walking into the bar,
going into the corner. I don't know why I always say corner. 30 minutes pass, 35
minutes pass, and you're hanging out with your friends, and you guys are talking about
talking to girls. It's just so much pressure. You're going to make things real hard.

Conor:
Absolutely man. Can I add something real quick?

Kevin:
No. Yes.

Conor:
Works every time.

Kevin:
Yeah.

Conor:
I think you told me the term chode crystal. I don't know if you made that up or heard
that, but I like that term a lot, because the term chode, it's just really humiliating, and it
really is a deterrent. So when you think about that and say, hey, don't chode out, or
don't form the chode crystal, and you really think about that term, it's so negative and
humiliating that it will really force you to be like, okay, definitely not going to do that. I'm
not going to be a fucking chode. I'm not going to be a chump. And really, like Kevin said,
there's nothing wrong with hanging out with your friends and having fun with the people
you came with, but if you're going to be in there standing around in a group of people,
you better be having fun and talking, and interacting at a high level, and really having a
good time.

Conor:
A lot of times, be honest. Sometimes we circle up with our friends because we're
nervous, and we're like, we'll all hang out here together. Man, every group at bars does
this, especially in the beginning of the night before people are drunk, and they're no
brave enough. Everybody circles up because they're scared you know? Girls will do it.
They're afraid. They're nervous in the environment, and you feel safer circling up
together. But don't do that. You never want to try and feel safe. You never learn
anything or grow if you're trying to feel safe. You always want to push it, and you always
want to be approaching and interacting.

Conor:
Man, as soon as you realize that it's happening, just say to your friends, guys, fuck this.
Break up the circle. Let's go try to get girls right now. Let's go. Sorry I'm blowing my
nose, number 20 is pretty closely related too, which is standing around not doing
anything. Right? There's no faster way in a bar, a party, or social environment to lose
value than to stand around not doing anything. Now if you're standing around, and if
you're not talking to anyone, you better be doing something. You better be walking
somewhere, moving somewhere. I mean, if you're standing in line for the bathroom say,
you're not losing any value because you're doing something right?
Conor:
So, if you're standing there with your drink, and you're not talking, and you're looking
around, and you're not doing anything, you have very low value, and you're also going
to get inside your head and start making excuses, and start having a negative process
form. So, anytime you realize that's happening, get up, start moving, start doing
something, and most importantly, start talking. Start interacting. You always want to be
interacting. You always want to be raising your value on your state, not letting it drop. It
just makes everything much easier. So that's pretty self explanatory. Do you want to do
21?

Kevin:
21, ignoring your friends in a group. That's probably what I talked about earlier.
Remember when I was talking about sharking? I'm hanging around with my buddy and
he's looking around for girls to approach. It's like you can go up to the girl or you could
not. Or, she could come by and you could say hi to her, or you could not. There's no
point for me to be hanging out with you and you're... Oh wait, no, we're talking about
ignoring friends in their group.

Conor:
Yeah.

Kevin:
I mean, that's a good point too. Now you don't necessarily want to ignore your own wing
man, but yeah. No, I had that wrong actually.

Conor:
[crosstalk 00:35:37]. You got it right, you got it right. Don't ignore your own friends, that's
what it means.

Kevin:
No, no. Oh, ignoring your friends in a group, but either way I'll explain both. Say you
approach a group of girls, maybe like two girls right? You walk in, you say something
nice. If you start talking and then your buddy comes in a few seconds later, and say
your friend tries to get your attention and you just ignore him, and you keep talking to
the girl, or you keep listening to your [inaudible 00:36:09]. It just lowers your friends
value, and it doesn't look good on you because you shouldn't be lowering your friends
value. I mean, it reflects negatively on you, the way that you treat your own friends. You
want to give them first priority because you know them. You probably haven't even
qualified these girls, so they don't deserve that kind of attention.

Kevin:
And then the other point that I was trying to make is just, yes, if you approach a group of
girls, you want to make sure to at least acknowledge every single one of them, because
there's going to be one that is kind of zoning out, and she's kind of losing interest, and
she just like yeah. She'll be the reason you get blowned out. The most unresponsive
chick in a group, you should make sure you pay attention to her, and giver her a little bit
of value, say something cuter, or a banter line or something. Just make sure you get her
attention because wants she loses interest, she's going to give the girl eye, the girl
code. It's like, let's get out of here girls. You don't want her to do that.

Conor:
I hear you. Definitely.

Kevin:
[inaudible 00:37:14] too.

Conor:
So yeah. I want to move this along and make sure we get through all of them within the
hour. I'm going to take the next handful of these and go through them, and if you want to
say anything just cut me off and ask a question or whatever. Number 22 is acting too
cool for school. This is taking yourself too seriously. A lot of guys think that they need to
be super smooth, and sometimes they take the whole non-reactive thing too far, and
they just don't react to anything, and it looks like they're stuck up. It looks like they're
arrogant and there's nothing that girls hate more than guys who think they're just hot
shit, or if they're arrogant. It's good to be confident, to like yourself, and convey
confidence, and even a little bit of cockiness, but if you think that you're too cool for the
environment, man it just comes off like you're trying to be James fucking Bond, and
nobody wants to talk to you. Everyone thinks you got a stick up your ass, and really, you
got to be able to laugh, and have fun, and entertain yourself, and entertain the people
around you. So that one is pretty obvious.

Conor:
Number 23. The next handful of them are closely related. I'm going to go through these.
23, unnecessary enthusiasm. Now, it's obviously good to be enthusiastic, and animated,
and charismatic and everything, but a lot of times, and I'm guilty if this one at some
point, is, if you're over the top, if you're kind of a dancing monkey as we say, or you're
trying too hard, unnecessary enthusiasm comes across like you're trying too hard to get
a reaction. Anyone that has to try too hard has lower value because you should be
trying less hard, and you should be making the people around you try harder to get your
attention. So unnecessary enthusiasm is really a form of seeking reaction and trying to
please people, trying to make sure that everybody likes you.

Conor:
24, closely related, is being too eager. This can be trying to jump into rapport too soon.
Like, trying to have a real conversation with a girl before you've qualified her or gotten to
know her. Being way too eager to get to know her, especially before you've qualified her
is just a classic sign of showing lower value right? Why would you be really eager to get
to know someone or have their approval if you don't know them yet? You haven't
qualified them yet or given a reason. Being so eager can also come across in your body
language. Let's say I'm talking to a group of people. This is mostly really important with
attractive girls. Let's say I'm talking to somebody and an attractive girl says my name.
Do I finish what I'm saying, or do I let her interrupt me and immediately start talking to
her? How fast do I turn around to acknowledge her?

Conor:
In the past, a girl would try and get my attention and I would immediately give her my
attention because I valued her more than what I was doing. Let's say you're in a
conversation and a girl comes over and tries to talk to you. If you're in a conversation,
it's very high value to just say, hey, I'm talking, hold on one second, I'll get you in a
second. That's very high value, and a lot of guys forget that because in their minds it
happened so soon, they think well, this is more valuable than what I'm doing right now.
That is what you're conveying when you're being so eager is, this girl is more valuable
than what I was already doing, which shows that you're lower value.

Kevin:
Right.

Conor:
25. This is a very specific form of being too eager. 25, answering questions too early or
too quickly. Before you've qualified a girl and given a reason to get to know each other,
that you're both attracted to each other, if you answer a question too quickly, you're too
eager. If you answer a question too early, you're jumping into rapport too soon, you're
too eager. So that's pretty self explanatory. It doesn't mean don't answer questions or
be a dock about it, it just means remember that before you can have rapport, you want
to build attraction, and a lot of times that means not answering someone's questions,
and letting them steer you into rapport too soon. Sometimes it's really fun, and a nice
fun banter game to play, to not give them a straight answer right off the bat.

Kevin:
That's really fun.

Conor:
And then finally... Actually, you not what? Kevin, do you want to do the next couple?
They're all pretty related.

Kevin:
Yeah, I'll do the next two.

Conor:
Yeah. Okay.

Kevin:
Number 26 is giving positive body language too early. So that's just facing her
completely, your toes pointing towards her. You don't want to give her negative body
language until she's earned it. So, you want to talk to her over your shoulder. You want
to be able to give her your back at times. Don't completely face her or lean in like I said
earlier until she has qualified herself. Now she's worked for your approval. It's just
another way of getting her to chase you. You're flipping the script when you do a lot of
this stuff, so it just makes your value be the seduction really. It just makes it that much
more powerful. So, number 27, chasing her positive body language, right? So, the
positive body language is her completely chasing you right? So say she starts to turn
away, chasing her positive body language would be, walking around her to be in front of
her. Right?

Kevin:
Just because she is turning away from you, you don't have to reposition yourself to get
in front of her. You can mirror her body language and start turning your back on her too.
It just looks super needy trying to chase her body language. She should be getting her
to chase yours. So, number 28 is rewarding negative or unreceptive behavior with
positive body language, right? Yeah, so this is all playing into the same stuff. If she does
anything you don't like, don't reward her, right? So, rewarding her would be giving her
positive body language. Rewarding her would be qualifying her and showing her
interest. Rewarding her would be touching her, right? Touching is another reward. So, if
she does something` you don't like, then you should take all that stuff away right? You
should give negative body language, and then once she does something you like, then
you change your habits to rewarding her.

Conor:
Yeah, that's a really good point. I want to add something to that real quick.

Kevin:
Yeah. [crosstalk 00:43:11].

Conor:
Basically, what Kevin is saying is, this is all body language. A lot of times, if girls are
testing a guy, or they're giving him some shit, you never want to verbally take anything
away. A lot of times, if a girl does something you don't like, you don't react to it at all
right? You don't show that it effected you in any way, which means you don't react
positively or negatively. You just continue on doing what you would have done if she
never said anything. If you show it in your face, or you react to it verbally by saying
something, trying to get her back or buy into it, what you're doing is, you're buying into
her frame, or you're accepting that she is either rejecting you or giving you some shit.
You're rewarding her for what she did. So a lot of times, guys get confused and they're
like, well shit, I don't want to reward bad behavior, but how do I do the opposite, how do
I kind of punish bad behavior, and the way that you do it is, to carry on talking about
whatever you were talking about, doing whatever you want, don't react to what she is
saying or doing, but remove some of your positive body language.

Conor:
So, if you're facing her, turn a little bit away. If you're touching her, stop touching her.
This is really powerful when you are in a group too. Right? Think about it like this. If
you're talking to a girl, you've been on the receiving end of this all the time. If you're
talking to a girl, and all of a sudden you sense that you're losing her attention right?
What do you do? You're like, shit, I'm losing her. I'm losing her. I better step it up. I
better say something to get her back on board. I better salvage this. I'm losing it. You're
basically communicating to her the same thing. You're saying, hey what you're doing
right now, you're losing my attention.

Kevin:
Right.

Conor:
I actually had a friend who used to basically say that to girls. It didn't work. You want to
be saying it with your body language, not your mouth, but he would literally say to girls,
eh, you're losing me. And they would get kind of combative with him, and be like, yeah,
fuck you. But you're saying the same thing with your body language. It's just much more
powerful because it's read directly at an emotional level right? So, you're basically
saying, hey, that's not going to work with me. Try harder to get my attention or you're
going to lose me, and it always, always makes a girl step up and buy into your frame,
and start cooperating more. That make sense?

Kevin:
Yes it does.

Conor:
Cool. So let's do number... What are we on, 29?

Kevin:
29. Yes. supplicating them

Conor:
Cool. We got 11 more to do. I think we got time here.

Kevin:
Yeah, let's try and get like one every minute.

Conor:
Yeah. I think so. Cool. Go ahead and do 29.

Kevin:
29. Supplicating. So supplicating is buying time or attention. Really, buying a girl a drink,
and you haven't qualified her, you don't know her, you buy her a drink just so she could
talk to you. It's super needy. I keep saying that, super needy. But yeah, I mean, it's not a
problem though to buy a girl a drink after you've qualified her and showed some
interest. I actually had an amazing interaction. Oh, God damn it. I know we got to move
on, but I had a great interaction last night, and honestly it was like, we started flirting. I
qualified her. She was so into it. I was into it, and I brought it to the bar, and we bought
a drink, and it was great. She has no idea that I'm leaving Miami, but whatever. Move on
to the next.

Kevin:
Number 30. Waiting for a girl when she leaves. Right? I mean, this is all before
qualifying, because, once you've qualified a girl, you've got some rapport going, she's
got interest in you, There's mutual attraction, yeah. You wait for her. That's okay. If she
has to go to the bathroom and leaves her purse or something, she probably wants to go
home with you that night, so it's not a problem then. But, say you just approached the
girl, and you just started flirting, and there's no qualification happening, and she is like,
wait right here, I'll be back, don't wait right there for her. You should be able to do
whatever the hell you want, you could be like, oh, well, then meet me over here.

Conor:
[crosstalk 00:46:52].

Kevin:
It should being a leader. Women want leaders, right? So, 31 is qualifying yourself.
Qualifying we already talked about. It's just a subtle way of bragging, but what are your
intentions right? Or not even what are your intentions. A lot of people don't even
understand what they're doing when they're qualifying themselves, but, we're just trying
to get value externally. We're trying to sell ourselves through some other means besides
just being high value. We're trying to be our guy. So, like, I have this, or I have that, or
I've done this, I know this person. So you can qualify. You can qualify yourself, but not
until she has qualified herself first. So, just practice being able to have a conversation
without having to sell yourself, or over clarify yourself, trying to justify everything. Okay,
so, number 32, skipping steps in the map of interaction. Right, so you have attraction,
rapport, and seduction. If you skip attraction and you go straight into rapport, you might
have been friend zoned

Kevin:
. If you have attraction, and you skip rapport, and you go into seduction, you may
encounter last minute resistance because she may not trust you. Right? If you're into
attraction, you pump up her emotional state, you build rapport, but you don't go into
seduction. You don't close. You don't pull the trigger, she's going to feel rejected. All
right? I mean, you could take each step in the map of interaction one at a time, and you
could practice one at a time, but when you want a full pickup, or a full interaction, and
you want it go the way you want it to, make sure you handle each part of the interaction.
Next, number 33, polar opposing insecurity compensation. Probably you guys are not
going to be able to right that down, but pretty much, what it means is that poler
opposing, so, say for instance, you were always a really nice guy, and you're like, well
okay I'm going to change. So you're going to be super asshole. It's just doing the
complete opposite of something, and it's just overcompensating for some kind of
insecurity that you have. Right? But, the only qualm I have with this is the fact that,
sometimes guys do need to exaggerate your own behaviors just because you probably
won't ever be able to do it as much as they think they are.

Kevin:
Like as far as touching, a lot of guys don't touch enough. So take it to the extreme. I like
to say, exaggerate to calibrate. If you're not loud enough, talk super loud, and then it will
start to figure itself out, but as far as overcompensating, I've dealt with this in my life
personally. I was always like a really, really nice guy, and then I thought to be a real
male I have to be super tough and everything, push people around and be hard. But
then I found that I was just doing that because I didn't want to be pushed around myself.
So it's both sides. When I started being assholish, I'm playing into some kind of
insecurity, you know?

Conor:
Yeah. [crosstalk 00:50:04].

Kevin:
Number 34, and then I guess you get the rest. Number 34 is condescending. Being
condescending to someone's personality. I mean that's pretty self explanatory,
especially if you don't know that person yet, and you're just approaching them, and
you're kind of like... You know what? I had a good interaction last night. It wasn't
condescending, but it was kind of dickish. There was a girl, she had these cute glasses,
and I was like, oh, I have the cutest glasses, and then her friend was just so not into my
approach. She was just like, what the fuck? But I just played it off and I told her, I was
like, look you're cute too [inaudible 00:50:38] glasses you're still awesome. I could have
been a dick about it, and I could have been, just because the way she was trying to
reject me to her. [inaudible 00:50:54] being a bit condescending when we're not getting
what we want. So yeah. Just be conscious of that. [crosstalk 00:51:03].

Conor:
Yeah. I just want to add to what you were saying and then I'll wrap it up. Yeah. Really,
the reason I have this one on here, condescending to someone's personality is, a lot of
times, guys go overboard with their banter. And, you should tease a girl playfully, but a
lot of times guys take it too far and they end up insulting the girl. And like Kevin said in
the one before, "Sometimes you got to exaggerate to calibrate" Right? Sometimes
you're going to overstep the boundaries, but that's how you find out where the
boundaries are, and a lot of times, they're further than you think. So, you'll probably
screw this up. We screw it up still sometimes.
Conor:
You know, we always have had moments where we have gone too far, but once you go
too far, then you can step back and see where the line really is. But, condescending to
someone's personality is basically just teasing them in a way that makes them feel bad
about themself instead of a way that is playful and adds to the interaction right? So you
can tease somebody, but try not to do it about something about their personality, at
least not right off the bat because it's really easy to get offended by that especially in the
attraction when they don't know you that well yet. That's really important. Cool. So,
number 35 is bantering or giving negative body language during rapport. So, obviously,
banter and negative body language are great ways to show non-neediness. They're
ways to take away some of your tension. Basically you've taken away rapport, which is
great in attraction.

Conor:
It shows non-neediness. It shows non-approval seeking behavior, which is perfect. If
you do that in rapport, remember once you're really in rapport, you have qualified,
you've accepted each other right? IF you do that in rapport, you're now taking away
from that acceptance, and it feels like a rejection, right? It feels bad. If you're having a
real emotional conversation with someone, and they laugh at you, or make a joke, that's
going to feel harsh. That's not going to feel very good at all. It's going to feel like they're
not taking it seriously, and it completely breaks that trust connection that you were trying
to build. Imagine if you were opening up. If Kevin was opening up to me right now and
telling me something really personal and I laughed and made a joke about it, he would
think, okay. I'm not going to do that with Conor anymore because he doesn't get it. He's
not somebody that I can trust.

Kevin:
Right. I would hate you likely.

Conor:
Yeah, well it sucks. That would suck for you. And a lot of times, especially when you're
practicing banter, a lot of times our guys can get really carried away with bantering, and
they'll do it at the wrong time and really hurt a girls feelings. So, be careful with that. And
it's the same things with negative body language. If we're sitting really close together
and you're telling me to stay and it's important to you, and I start turning away like I'm
not paying attention to you, same effect. You're going to feel insulted like, what the fuck,
this guy is not paying attention to me, why not? This is important to me. So, take it
seriously in rapport. It doesn't mean get really super serious. It just means take
someone's feelings seriously, and don't not pay attention or take away. [crosstalk
00:53:42]. You're rejecting.

Kevin:
Actually this is the other night, and I know we're pressed for time, but the other night
real quick, I had a conversation with this woman like a friend of mine's mother, and she
had cancer you know what I mean? And she was going to pass away soon, and I just
met this lady, and we were playing into rapport immediately, because it's like me and
you. And it's like, what you got to do man, is just be there, shoulder to lean on man, just
totally giver her your full attention, you know?

Conor:
Yeah.

Kevin:
And be accepting. But anyways, yeah.

Conor:
Cool, so let's do the last five, and then we'll take some questions if guys want to ask
questions. I think there's already a few at least. So, number 36, not touching enough.
This one is pretty self explanatory. If you've been on a program, you've gone over all the
ways to physically escalate, and if not, you will, but basically the point is, right off the
bat, from all of your interactions with women that you are attracted to, you want to
establish a a frame. And that frame is, I'm a man. You're a woman. This is an attractive
conversation, and we like each other. And the best way to establish that frame, you
can't really conversate it.

Conor:
You can't really say it. You cant go up and say, hey I like you and you like me too. The
best way to establish that is to touch, especially touch and escalate that touch in a way
that shows that I'm not just your friend here. I have an intention with you and I like you
and that's going to be reciprocated. It's really important, and if you've ever had a
problem with falling into the friend zone, that's the biggest reason why. Guys that are
afraid to touch, and afraid to show interest right?

Kevin:
Right.

Conor:
Number 37 is not pairing off, or not isolating. All right, and this is a huge one, especially
in a crowded environment like a bar or a party or somewhere else. If you get a girl out
on a date, cool, that's isolating right? You have a one on one interacting, but you could
od that right after you meet a girl too, just by taking her somewhere else where you both
could have a one on one interaction. A lot of times, you could have a wing man help you
with that by occupying her friends. A lot of times it's just as easy as taking her by the
hand and saying, let's go over here. Or you might say, it's really loud in here. I can't
hear you. I'm really enjoying this conversation. I cant hear you. Let's go over here. I'd
really love to talk to you more, there's a lot going on, I got to sit down. Come sit down
with me. Let's go outside and get some fresh air. Let's go to the bar. Whatever reason
you want, but sometimes it's just as easy as saying, hey, let's go over here for a
second.

Kevin:
Right.

Conor:
Number 38 is closely related to this, but it applies to the whole interaction, and that is,
being afraid to lead. Right? It's your role as a man to lead things forward, which is why
you want to understand the map of interaction so you know where to go right? You
know how to move it forward. You know what comes next, but a lot of times your
interactions will stall out because you're not pushing them forward. Don't be afraid to
lead. Understand that you have to lead, otherwise it's not going to go anywhere
because she is not going to do it for you at all. The fact that she has to do it for you, she
won't be attracted to you. She'll think you are submissive or feminine. You're playing the
female gender role, right? So you always want to be leading in everything that you do all
the time. You want to add something?

Kevin:
No, no, I was just saying right, Just agreeing.

Conor:
Yeah. Totally. Cool. Let's do the last two, and then we'll wrap this up. Number 39, being
afraid to escalate and pull the trigger. The way I look at it is, when you're talking to a girl
and you like her, and you're doing all these things, there's going to be several moments
over the course of the interaction, and it's unpredictable when they happen, sometimes
it could be right away, sometimes it could be 10, 15, 20 minutes in, and hour in. Who
knows. So there will be a window of opportunity that one is up for you to physically
escalate, and by this I mean starting to touch her in a more seductive way, starting to
lead her around physically and kissing her, and making a move.

Conor:
And you know, guys always want to know, when do I make a move, and they get
confused as to when. Well, there will be windows of opportunity, and when that window
opens, for instance, she is looking at you. She's got wide eyes. You have her full
attention. She's laughing at your jokes. She is obviously attracted to you. Things are
going well. You have connections, and you're asking yourself in your mind, should I kiss
her? Should I go for it? Should I make a move? Is now the right time? That's the window
of opportunity. And if you don't make a move while the window is open, the window will
close right? It's basically the same thing as rejecting her in rapport right? If she is
showing signs that she is attracted to you and she wants you to make a move, and you
don't take those signs, if you don't make a move when the time is right, she'll feel like
she put herself on the line and you did not take it. You rejected her, and a lot of times
girls will get more difficult with you, or they'll lose attraction with you if you don't escalate
when the time is right, and when you should.

Conor:
And usually, guys are always like, the next question is, cool, when is the time? When is
the time right? Well, on the one hand, you can look for all the signs that we have taught
you guys about how to know if she is attracted to you. And we did a whole call on this
earlier.

Conor:
So, go back and review that. But also, you never want to wait for signs. You always
want to just be the one pushing forward and leading. So, a lot of times you create that
window by escalating and pushing it forward. And a girl just wants to see that. If a girl
likes you, she wants to understand that you're going to make something happen. Your
intention is, I'm going to make something happen here. I'm not going to be a wuss. So,
you always want to be pushing it forward, and don't be afraid to pull the trigger and go
for it. Go for what you want.

Kevin:
[crosstalk 00:58:52]. Oh sorry.

Conor:
Go ahead.
Kevin:
No I mean, I always say, girls will notice you for being a man before she respects you
for being a pussy. You know what I mean?

Conor:
[crosstalk 00:58:59].

Kevin:
You got to fucking man up and just fucking go for it. And dude, I tried to kiss a girl last
night and that face was right there, and I had my arms all over her, and I lean in for the
kiss and she is like, "Not now." Like all sexy and cute, and she was like, a little too fast
man. It was like bro, they want you to show the interest. They want to know. They want
to feel like women, and you got to make her feel like that. Maybe you get rejected or
whatever, but she'll respect you for going for it always.

Conor:
Yeah. And that's just another time where our fear of rejection comes up. You're like,
shit. A guy had messaged me today with a question actually. He goes, "Should I just put
all my chips on the table and go for it?" And obviously the answer is yes. You know,
your chips should always be on the table. You should always be going for what you
want. You should never have to hold anything back or hide anything. You should be
unapologetic about what you want as a man, and not be afraid to go for it. Women find
that incredibly attractive, and obviously that's what is going to get your results and get
you what you really want in this life, actually going for it.

Conor:
A lot of guys are like, how do I get this girl to go out on a date with me? Or how do I get
this girl to kiss me? Have you asked her out? Have you tried to kiss her? Just make a
move and go for it. And don't ask, don't apologize. And a great way to get over that fear
if you have it is to put the blame on her. You know what? I'm just a man. This is what
men do, and if she doesn't want me to kiss her, well, it's her fault. She shouldn't be so
kissable. She shouldn't be so attractive. You know, she is cute.

Kevin:
Right, right.

Conor:
I'm just a man with my basic desires. She is incredibly attractive. Of course I'm going to
try and kiss her. How could she blame me for now wanting to make a move. I'm just a
man. I tell myself that all the time, and it's the truth. It's not a lie or a trick. It's truth. So
just admit the truth. You want her? Go for it. It's the only way it's going to happen. And
this is very closely related to the last one on the list which is huge. Every guy knows it.
I'm constantly reminding guys of this all the time, but, one thing you want to stop doing
is being afraid of rejection. You're always going to get rejected. It's never going to stop
happening ever. [crosstalk 01:01:03].

Kevin:
You're always going to get rejected.

Conor:
You could reduce the rate for instance. [crosstalk 01:01:05]. The better you get at this,
the less often it will happen, but it will always happen, and there's nothing you could do
about it. So accept that now, and understand that the less afraid of rejection you are,
the less often it will happen, and the more you'll be able to just live your life and do what
you want, and go for the women that you want in this way that I'm saying where you're
leading, you're not apologizing. The biggest thing that holds guys back, and this is why
it's the last one on the list, and I want to wrap up by talking about it. The biggest thing
that holds guys back is being afraid of rejection. And when you're afraid of rejection,
you're owned by that fear. You don't do the things you really want. You don't approach
the girls you really want, and of course if you don't approach the girls you really want,
you're never going to get them. Right?

Conor:
They're not going to fall into your lap one day. You have to go get them. If you're afraid
of it, it holds you back from taking action, which is huge. So, if there is one thing I could
tell a guy for how to get better with women really fast, it's just understand that every guy
is always going to get rejected, but the guys that get good just don't care about it
anymore. It doesn't effect hem. It doesn't effect their self worth, or what they think about
themself. Kevin and I still get rejected, and we're really good at this, and we do it all the
time. There's no chance in hell that I can never get rejected because there's a lot of
parts about an interaction that you can't control right? But don't worry about it. Do what
you want anyways, and stop being afraid of that.

Kevin:
Totally. I mean it goes in to the whole like, being too cool for school. Like you were
taking yourself way too seriously and not joking around, and you get rejected, your ego
is broken. So it's just like, don't take things so seriously. I get rejected and I look like a
retard man, and I just start laughing, and whoever I'm with is just like, that's hilarious.
You know? It's just like you start laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

Conor:
Yeah. Absolutely. Cool. So, anything else you want to add because I want to answer a
few questions since we got a little bit of time here.

Kevin:
No. That's good. Let's get into the questions there actually.

Conor:
Cool, cool. So, Brad from Austin. Oh, he asked two questions. These are good. And I'm
thinking it will be at Austin next week, which, I will be coaching. So Brad, looking
forward to talking to you. I can't talk to Brad right now because he asked this online. So
we're just going to read the questions. He said, "Where is the line between strong eye
contact and creepy staring?" You want to answer that one?

Kevin:
Yeah, yeah. Sure. Sure. Creepy staring. I mean, creepy staring is kind of like, if you're
looking at a girl, and I mean, it is your intentions as well. You got to be able to know that
at any moment you could get up right now and just go talk to her, and it's not a big deal.
Keeping creepy eye contact comes from the idea of hovering. You know those guys like
you were talking about, or we were talking about chode crystals, or guys sharking, or a
guy just standing around not doing anything. You know, that's very low value, and they'll
start looking at the girls they want to approach, and they never approach.

Kevin:
So that could be real creepy or whatever. But, I mean if she is not looking at you, she's
not going to know that you're staring at her, and then also, if you guys do make eye
contact, just, smile and wave at her. One of you guys is going to break eye contact first.
You want her to break the eye contact first. I don't think eye contact can be creepy
unless you have some real bad intentions. If you're an ax murderer or something. As
long as it's real genuine, it's just like, okay, this guy is attractive. I don't think it would be
creepy at all. It's only creepy if you're looking her up and down, checking out her ass,
and your tongue is hanging out of your mouth and stuff. Yeah, that might be a little
creepy.

Conor:
Totally. Yeah. I think the line between creepy and confident is one, if you look at
somebody for too long and don't say anything, that's kind of creepy. Like Kevin said,
smile and wave, do something to get her attention, and make sure that she is looking at
you, and kind of force her attention. Let's say she is across the room and you can't talk
to her right now? Smile and wave, and just make a note of it to go talk to her soon
because that girl would be really easy to approach and she is telling you, hey, I want
you to come talk to me. That's obvious. And secondly, if she is close enough that you
can talk to her right away, talk to her right away.

Conor:
I never try to wait longer than three seconds with making eye contact with someone
before I talk to them because yes, if you stare for too long it is creepy. So, just start
talking. That's the line. Cool. So I had actually had a just bunch of questions as we were
going and I just kind of duped them all in the list. So this is cool. It's cool. By the way,
anyone that's on the phone, you press star two to raise your hand to ask a question if
you are on the phone. And if you are on the web, there's a little box you can type
questions into and I'll see them. So, a couple more form Brad, and this is cool Brad,
because we'll be at a program I'm guessing next week. So you get to see all the stuff
happening in real time and get a lot of experience, and I'm looking forward to meeting
you. He had said, "How do you handle pecking when you are sitting at a table?" Well,
it's a good question actually. What do you think Kevin?

Kevin:
I mean, just don't lean in. I mean, she's sitting in front of you. You can lean in once
there's mutual attraction, and qualification. I like you, you like me. I like you because
you're a real easy girl to talk to, and we could probably spend all night talking. You know
you're so interesting. And she is like, "Oh, thank you." Right? And then you could lean
in. I mean, other than that, just keep your back straight, roll your shoulders back, and
down, keep your head up, keep your head straight. You know that's all it is. Just speak
louder if you want to be heard. I mean, whether you are sitting at a table or standing up,
or any situation, pecking is just when you are leaning into someone more than they are
leaning into you which just conveys that you're needy.

Kevin:
You're more needy than them. You're investing more. You're trying harder than they
are, and it's very obvious to someone who talks in the body language, and you can see
people doing this, and you can tell, oh that person is trying too hard. It's okay if you're
leaning into each other, right, this is what I do all the time. [crosstalk 01:07:13].
Conor:
Here's a couple solutions. One like Kevin said, speak up, speak louder so you don't
have to lean over, because volume is a big reason why people start doing this. Two,
lean to the side so you're not leaning forward. It looks like you're a pecking chicken.
You're just kind of leaning to the side. That definitely conveys something different. And
three, which is what I do all the time is just make her lean into you, or lean into each
other, which is a great way to start touching. I love talking into a girl's ear and having her
talk into my ear. I think that's sexy. It builds a lot of sexual tension and physical touch.
It's a great chance to just get close together. Sometimes when I'm talking to girls and it's
loud in a bar, it looks like I'm hugging the girl because I kind of am hugging the girl
because I can't hear her. So I'm just pulling her into me and it's kind of intimate. It's
sexy. It's a nice way to get physical really fast and be able to hear achroacyte really
good.

Kevin:
[crosstalk 01:08:00].

Conor:
A few more questions here that I want to get through. Oh, and there's somebody that's
calling for [inaudible 01:08:04]. Filler words. Does the phrase, you know qualify as a
filler word? I hear everyone say this. Short answer is yes, definitely.

Kevin:
It does, but the thing is it creates confirmation to [crosstalk 01:08:18]-

Conor:
Ah, good point, good point.

Kevin:
To get people following you in a conversation, especially when [inaudible 01:08:24], and
you say, you know, and they either head nod, or they say yes. I just said it right now. It
keeps people following along. I don't think it's a bad filler word at all actually. I mean,
filler words are just that. When you're holding court and you're holding people's
attention, I mean I did it right now. It's just a lot more practical just to not have. And the
forward so, I think that is the most unattractive one because it's just kind of like, so, um.
It's kind of like you are trying to keep the conversation going even though you don't
have anything to say. If I ever say the word so I'll do it very sarcastically. I'll be like, so.

Conor:
So. Right, right.

Kevin:
You know what I mean?

Conor:
Yeah. I think it's different depending on how you say it, because like he said, if you say
it for a reason, like to get someone's confirmation, it builds compliance and it helps them
follow along with you. When I'm coaching, or when I'm speaking on a call, or talking,
they're trying to hold attention. A lot of times they will say, do you know what I mean?
Or, does that make any sense? Right? And I'm looking for confirmation, you're following
me right? You're still paying attention, right? You're getting what I'm saying. It's great in
rapport. Does that make any sense? Do you know what I mean? And the person says,
yeah, or they nod, or they confirm that they're following you right? That's important.
That's for a good reason, but a lot of times people say, do you know? Do you know what
I mean? You know? You know?

Conor:
And it's again, seeking approval or seeking a reaction, and basically saying, is this is
okay? Am I okay right now? Can you confirm that this is okay? And you don't want to do
that uncontrollably. You want to do it for a good reason. And then the last question that
you guys want to hear, the last question is pairing and isolating, which stage in the map
of interaction is it best to do this? Right after you qualify and you're trying to build
rapport, because a lot of times it's really difficult to have a one on one interaction when
there's a lot going on, when her friends are right there. She might be worried about her
friends judging her or her attention is divided. You want her full undivided attention, so
you do that after you've qualified and you want to build rapport. Make sense?

Kevin:
Yes sir.