Are You Nervous with Women?

Stop Overthinking
By Ricardus Domino

Does meeting women

sometimes seem like rocket
science to you? Do you get
nervous with women and trip
over your own two feet?

Wow… there is so much stuff to

read, so many things to work on
internally, so many things to
consider at every step of the
way when talking to girls…

And one single mistake can be

fatal, and lose you a girl that was
totally into you.

No, far be it from me to tell you

that this skill is incredibly easy, and that you need to “just be
yourself” and run “natural game”… if that worked, none of us
would be here right now.

At the same time, there is also something that is worse than not
knowing what to do… and that is “paralysis by analysis:” when the
fear of doing the wrong thing leads you to do nothing at all, which is
obviously also going to get you no results at all.

Or you think you need just a little bit more information before you
can finally start going out and meeting women.
Or maybe all the information doesnʼt paralyze you, but you do lose
track of all the things you should be doing on a date and end up
stuck in your head, or even more nervous and stiff because
youʼre thinking too hard about what to say next.

Iʼve been there… Iʼm a pretty analytical person, and so I got stuck in
that pattern too for a while.

And because I donʼt want you stuck there for long too, hereʼs how to
avoid it.

Nervous with Women

Armin commented on the blog:

“What if you hit a low point and get stuck in a cycle of just
forgetting what to do next or just constantly not trying to do one
of the many taboos you preach about?

And you might try so hard as to not "chase a girl" "invest in" "be
fun" "open vaguely" that you just lose yourself in this process.
When before you where unconsciously pulling girls with the
steps you were talking about but without knowing anything about
these "keys".

Once realized that "this step might be a mistake" or "doing that

to her is not worth my time", I've put myself in a state of mind
that only says what can go wrong. Like say youʼre on a date that
you get worked up in a different reality and fail to address the
girl's needs or be true to yourself that you just still end up losing
her.

This might be more of a psychological problem, but I think this is

why a lot of guys that might know what to do correctly in order to
 get the girl but still mess up anyways when they persist.”

Armin raises a very real concern here when it comes to getting

down first adequacy and then expertise with women… there really
ARE a lot of things to learn, and a lot of things that can go
wrong.

I mean – if getting good with women was merely a matter of reading

a list of things to do when youʼre talking to a girl, everyone would
have the dating life of a rock star…

But you know what they say; brick walls are there to stop other
people.

If it was TOO easy, you couldnʼt ever get an “unfair advantage” over
other guys by learning this skill set, after all.

All that said, Chase and I have spent A LOT of time and effort to
make dating as simple as possible… even though we did not know
each other when we were practicing the social arts, we have arrived
at many of the same fundamentals, and we have distilled a lot of the
complexity down to simple steps and principles that anyone can
implement with some practice.

Rocket Assembly

When I first started going out for the sole purpose of approaching
girls in 2002, I learned from “naturals” – from those guys who just
instinctively know how to talk to girls, and who somehow seem to
always end up with a hot girl at the end of the night.

And that was a very good way to start learning… I didnʼt plan my
dialogues ahead of time; I simply went up to girls and struck up a
normal conversation. With some practice, I got a bunch of make
outs, and from time to time I would even get a girl to go to bed with
me.

A couple of years later, however, I started meeting seducers who

were way more systematic about the entire process… and my first
response was to laugh it off.

M3, BHRR and IVD… wait, how exactly does being a nerd help with
getting girls? (If you donʼt know these acronyms, donʼt worry… they
wonʼt be on the mid-term.)

After seeing these guys in action, however, I realized there really

was something to the idea of having a solid plan and not leaving
entire conversations completely up to random chance… the
guys who had mastered these complex techniques slept with four to
eight new girls per month… with absolute consistency.

They were never nervous with women, there were no dry spells, and
there wasnʼt much luck involved… they were systematic (see: "How
to Make Her Want You") and prolific.

I had to admit that both approaches worked really well… my natural

friends certainly got results, but so did the guys with the more
systematic approach.

Over the years, I found that itʼs only when you marry them both that
you get some real dynamite to be able to meet a girl and seduce
her with consistency.

And once you do that, THEN itʼs time to simplify everything, and boil
everything down to the essentials again.

GirlsChase.com is the result of that entire process.

Your Brain Canʼt Count to Four!

The shocking truth about human evolution is that only our
neocortex, the outermost layer of our brain, has actually
evolved since we were cavemen. All the other parts of our brain
are still the same as they were then… and thatʼs the reason why we
want to eat fatty foods when weʼre on a diet, and why you want to
call that girl thatʼs being elusive even though Chase told you not to
chase women!

Whatʼs more… our brain unconsciously also still counts the way
cavemen do - it knows only four digits: one, two, three and many.

As soon as the human brain is confronted with a number that is

larger than four, the conscious mind needs to help out to handle
all the extra processing. The number three, on the other hand, is a
small enough chunk for our subconscious to handle.

When youʼre talking to girls, youʼre facing a dilemma – on the one

hand, you are practicing new skills, and there are a lot of skills to
practice… on the other hand, you need to be in the moment
when youʼre talking to her, and you canʼt be stuck in your head
overthinking some complex model of seduction theory.

And the solution to this analysis paralysis, to getting nervous with

women when you can least afford it, is to never leave the house with
more than three things to work on.

For example, today you may want to remember to

1. Keep good posture…

2. Open by giving girls a compliment (use a direct opener)

3. …and setting one sexual frame once she opens up to you.

 If these are three
things youʼre
currently struggling
with, then you
should work ONLY
on these three
things at any one
time… any more
than that, and your
brain will be too
busy juggling them
all to actually focus on the girl in front of you.

But wait, you might say, what if Iʼm not working on anything and Iʼm
still nervous with women?

Well, what youʼll find is, the instant you start taking things youʼre
targeting to work on out with you, your nerves go way down. Howʼs
that work? What happens is that when youʼre out talking to a girl, or
out on a date, and itʼs just you and her and your ONLY goal is “get
her to like me,” youʼre going to start tripping yourself up and
scrambling every time you think youʼve made even the slightest
mistake.

You become all butterfingers and belly butterflies, so to speak.

But now imagine youʼre on a date with a beautiful girl, and instead of
“get her to like me,” your goals are “keep my posture straight, and
give her a few genuine compliments, and set a sexual frame.”
Suddenly, your mind has things to focus on other than
something it canʼt entirely control – how much she likes you –
and with a feeling of control over the interaction, and targeted
things youʼre working on, a big chunk of your nervousness recedes
away.

So one way to stop overthinking the process and dramatically

reduce nervousness with women, while still improving your skills
and abilities with women and dating very systematically, is to
simply FOCUS on specific elements that need the most work
right now.

Then once you have mastered these three elements, move on to the
next pieces of the puzzle, until you eventually reach a point where
you donʼt really have any serious weak points in your game
anymore.

Let Your Brain Do the Work Anyway

We have firmly established that your subconscious mind is pretty

dumb when it comes to doing heavy-duty neocortex work…
however, it is pretty smart when it comes to running things on
autopilot.

Your digestion, your breathing, your heart… all run without your
conscious awareness, and they do so with impeccable precision.

But whatʼs more… you can also tie your shoe laces, or brush your
teeth, or even drive your car without your conscious awareness, and
also with impeccable precision.

These latter skills are more interesting in this context, because they
are skills you did, at one point, not possess… they are skills you
had to acquire and practice.

Yet now, theyʼre automatic.

And thatʼs really the miracle of the subconscious mind… it takes

over any task the conscious mind passes on to it. Once you have
spent enough time thinking about something and practicing it
consciously, your autonomic nervous system will start doing it
for you, and without so much as your awareness.

What if seducing women became something that happened

automatically for you, and without you having to think about it?

Well, just like driving a car or playing a game or brushing your teeth
or responding aloud when someone asks you how your day is going,
it can.

Now letʼs look at how we can achieve that.

What Learning Really Means

In NLP (neurolinguistics programming), learning is not defined as

knowing what to do… it is defined as actual behavior change.

More than that: you have only really learned something once you
have implemented the new behavior as a habit.

And once you are at that level and the subconscious does take over,
then your conscious mind is free again to seek out the next skill to
drill and automate.

If that sounded convoluted, Iʼll give you an example:

Maybe setting sexual frames seems complicated now, and maybe

you have to think about it and concentrate to do it right and you get
nervous with women that youʼll try to do a sexual frame but wonʼt
pull it off… but with time, your behavior will change and eventually
become habitual.

Your subconscious mind will do the work for you, and at that
point your conscious mind is free again to focus on the next
skill.

And in this way you can automate one skill after another, gradually
but consistently... youʼll never even think about the “what ifs” and
crazy contingency planning loops your brain goes through when
youʼre nervous and uncertain (itʼll just all happen automatically) and
your dating life will improve right along with these skills.

Focus on Fundamentals First

The final way to avoid becoming nervous with women through

overwhelm and overthinking is to put your complete focus on the
fundamentals… especially when youʼre first starting out, but it also
pays to come back to fundamentals from time to time when youʼre
already intermediate or advanced… I still do sometimes.

Youʼve heard that 80% of your results will come from 20% of your
efforts… and a big part of these all-important 20% are your
fundamentals, and your vibe.

Fundamentals are things like good posture, a confident handshake,

solid eye contact, and so forth… while your vibe is your charisma,
and your ability to control your emotional state and project it onto
other people.

Maybe you have heard of Coach Wooden… he was considered to be

THE best basketball coach that ever lived.

And you know what he had his super star basket ballers do during
training?

He had them practice hundreds of free throws.

He had them practice the basics and the fundamentals a million

times.
“But I can do free throws!” theyʼd opine.

“Okay…” heʼd say, “letʼs see you do them. Do 400 of them.”

Itʼs no different with social skills. Sometimes it pays off to just walk
around greeting people, or asking for the time. Sometimes it pays
off to just hold normal conversations and focus on your voice tone
and your body language.

The REAL Story of the Tortoise and the Hare

If the tortoise and the hare were competing against each other in
real life, the tortoise might win the race as well, and without
cheating… simply because in real life, endurance is often more
important than speed.

Especially when it comes to developing a new skill set… which is a

marathon and not a sprint.

That means that you should calculate a good half year before you
start seeing significant results, and several years before you get to
be anywhere near mastery…

…which, again, is really good news and should not deter you
because itʼs deterring everybody else and thus eliminates most of
your competition - if you can just be one of the few that stick with it
and become the real life embodiment of the meaning of grit.

And getting better at picking up women is a skill set, same as any

other… focus on no more than three skills at a time, and put a
great deal of emphasis on your fundamentals and your vibe.

From there, it is merely a matter of taking enough action… just keep

making gradual refinements over time, and you will keep getting
better with every month that passes.
If you can only improve your skills by ONE percent per day, you will
be TWICE as good as you are now just over two months from today.

Do the math.

Keep yourself at methodically improving your skills with women, and

being nervous with women will quickly become a thing of the past.

In fact… get good enough… and before you know it, women start
becoming nervous with you.

And thatʼs when you know youʼve made it.

Onward and upward,

Ricardus

About the Author: Ricardus Domino

Ricardus was one of the most prolific and

respected coaches in the menʼs dating
advice industry. Heʼs dated some of the
planetʼs most beautiful women, ranging
from a Miss World contestant, to a model
for Coca-Cola, to one of “Brazilʼs Next Top
Models.” His specialty is daytime street stops. He is most
remembered for his “Are you single?” opening line. Ricardus is
currently retired from the dating advice industry.

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