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    Revista MAD 089

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
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    48 views52 pages

    Mad 089

    Uploaded by

    Lucho
    Revista MAD 089

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
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    of 52
    No. 89 Sept. 64 at |\ HAVE YOURSELF A | POLITICAL PARTY é With £ om ‘ALFRED E. MENA, FOR PRESIDENT" Kit I POO BEEBE RRO ER ROR OEE LAOREET TWO (YES, 2) 13" ¥ 25" FULL-COLOR CAMPAIGN POSTERS Lo icchiddciork iota aac a ica A 2%" FULL-COLOR £ SIX (VES, 61) CAMPAIGN ; LAPEL TABS #2 BUTTON SBa f = i : : t t t BUMPER STICKER ALFRED E. NEUMAN > PRESIDENT \ fron on ont One Dollar Yes, $ 1.°° SPREE ERE ROO ZL ORE STATE. ZIP CODE. career - a NO. OF KITS AT $1.00 BACH: ____ AMOUNT ENCLOSZD: NUMBER 89 SEPTEMBER 1964 ‘Nowadays, « man pays a luxury tax on bis bifold, ax income tax on what e puts into it, and a sales tax swhenever he takes anything out!"—Alfred E. Neuman WILLIAM M. GAINES publisher ALBERT B, FELDSTEIN editor Jom rurwaw art direclor LrONARD aRENNER production JERRY DE FOCCIO, NICK SIECLN associate editors MARTIN J SGHEIMLAN luis RICHARD BERNSTEIN publicity LORIA ORLANDO, CBLIN MOREL, NELSON TinABO ceriptions te wsual gang of idiote DEPARTMENTS ‘A FLEE CIRCUS DEPARTMENT The Phewgitive BERG'S-EYE VIEW DEPARTMENT The Lighter Side Of Water Sports CAR WATCH DEPARTMENT The MAD Drive-In Movie Primer DON MARTIN DEPARTMENT Alone In The Washroom For The First Time One Fine Evening In Lovers’ Lane The Private Eye ‘ FAIR GROUNDS FOR COMMENT DEPARTMENT World's Fair Pavilions We'd Like To See JOKE AND DAGGER DEPARTMENT Spy Vs. Spy Spy Vs. Spy Vs. Spy LETTERS DEPARTMENT Random Samplings Of Reader Mail MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT Drawn-Out Dramas MICROFOLK DEPARTMENT ‘Another MAD Peok Through The Microscope OLD FOLKS AT HAM DEPARTMENT ‘The MAD Academy Awards For Parents OY-VAY ALL BOATS DEPARTMENT A MAD Guide To Power Beating STRIP TEASERS DEPARTMENT Comic Strips They'd Really Like To Do TALK OF THE TOWN DEPARTMENT ‘The Sights And Sounds Of The U.S.A.—Hollywood, Calif. THEY'LL SEE US INHALE DEPARTMENT ‘When The Cigarette Industry Fights Back **Various Places Around The Magazine 3 Sect end fo MAD on ee eer ee VITAL FEATURES WHEN THE CIGARETTE INDUSTRY FIGHTS BACK Po.4 ‘ACADEMY ‘AWARDS FOR PARENTS Pg. EAT AND. SPEND MONEY DRIVE-IN MOVIE PRIMER WORLD'S FAIR PAVILIONS WE'D LIKE, TO SEE Pa. 26 AMAD GUIDE TO POWER BOATING Pg. 31 PHEWGITIVE (AMAD TV, ‘SHOW SATIRE) Pg. 43 LOSE YOUR SHELF-CONTROL (AND FILL YOUR LIBRARY WITH LAUGHTER) WITH THESE 18 MAD BOOKS td Taxes an AT YOUR FAVORITE BOOKSTAND—OR YOURS BY MAIL MAD POCKET DEPARTMENT 850 Third Avenue New York, N. ¥. 10022 PLEASE SEND ME: 5 MAD in Orbit ‘20d 10% extral TENCLOSE 35¢ eee ‘ALSO PLEASE SEND MI [1 The MAD Reader] The Bedside MAD Fighting MaD Cl MADStrikes Back) Son Of MAD The Voodoo MAD Inside MAD 1D The Organization MAD) Greasy MAD Stuff 1D Utterly MAD Like MAD. 1 Three Ring MAD 1 The Brothers MAD Thelides Of MAD Citoutann seppeee Don Martin Bounces Back 1 ENCLOSE 50¢ FOR EACH NAME, ADDRESS. erry. STATE ____ Check or Money Order only “No 'Cash Accepted! On orders outside the U.S.A. inl Pod LETTERS DEPT. ‘COASTING UPHILL?? 400g 460. MAD wa sie massing ‘ous and cosaaiierale Today, MAD has froalened ro include everything, conse quently itis rteaningles. MAD endures Snly because itis coasting on the name i ‘once made famous. All he clode who send you complimene obviously do. noe t= ember the MAD of od Marty Piercy Los Gatos, California BIG WHACK ON THE HEAD I think your efforts are spotty and often juvenile, and it appears that a deadline is ‘more imporeant than a punchline a times. ‘Your humor is often forced and heavy. handed. When you hie the mark, you ob literate i. Seeve Duna, Hartford, Connecticut BIG PAT ON THE BACK Tam writing cis letter in procest 0 the finks who keep on sending in leters fon how cheap and immature your mag azine is, and also t0 the fnks who buy your magazine for the sole puspose of hunting up mistakes and typographical etrors. Tn my opinion, anyone who dares to be diferent i this mundane misera sly society deserves # great big pat on the bac instead of the usual kick in the pants, which is all that some people seem to be willing to give these days. I chink you magazine is the greatest thing to ever hit the market. Not only is it diflereat, but itis witty, humorous and intelligent. Any fone who can think up the gags and satiric Philosophies thar MAD writers do cet tainly deserve some kind of credit Mo Miles, Toronto, Canada IT KENT BE! No medical evidence ot scientific en- Jorsement has proved any other trash magarine superior to MAD! Ben Goldstein Philadelphia, Penasylvania, [ALFRED E, NEUMAN FOR PRESIDENT ‘You might be interested to know that when the students here ae King Phillip Junior High School vored on who they wanted for President of the United States dlusing a recene poll, Alfred E. Neuman polled a larger amotit of votes than did Romney, Stassen, Sen. Ribicoff, Mr. Ellis (our school Principal), Dizzy’ Gillespie, Cassius Clay, and even’ Adlai Stevenson. ‘Paul Basch West Hartford, Connecticut ‘A RECORD-BREAKING MAD GANG When 24 of us started out ia an at tempt w break the record forthe "World's Longest Monopoly Game,” we found that we needed a way to pass the time berween shifts. A copy of MAD did the trick. Ie wasn't until after we'd broken the old roc- Od that we realized we'd all gone nutty. Mainly because we kept on playing to set a new record of 336 consecutive hous Our nearest competitor, 2 St. Louis group, finished with 162 hours. Ie just shows you what reading your “trash” can do for 3 Broup of otherwise normal people ‘Connersville Marathon Monopoly Champs Connersville, Indiana EUAN teeny i Normal paople who set out to break the record for the "Werld’s Longest Monopoly Gamo," that il—Ed, EDUCATIONAL AID Being a medical student, I presently own subscriptions to two periodicals which [feel can most enhance my eduea- tion: "The New England Journal of Medicine” and "MAD." May 1 say that after spending a dificult evening. with your magazine, I find it most relaxing to while away a few hours over a medical textbook Vernon J. Kraus Cincinniti, Obio IT ONLY HERTZ WHEN HE LAUGHS In a recent issue, you ran a magnificent “Avie® ad which I enjoyed heartily, as did iy three children who are all subscribers to your magazine. On the walls of my office hang the best Avis ads, and T have reserved a place of honor here for your “Avie” satire Robert C. Townsend, Pres ‘Avis Rentacar Long Island, N.Y. ‘quick cure MAD Magazines should be sent to all the horpitals. in the country. When the sick people in them see how bad off MAD5 writers and artist are, they're sure to feel beret Gary Gissell Concord, California ANGRY MAGAZINE “Angry Magazine” in the June issue (No. 87) was without a doubr the fan- nest piece of macerial your magazine has ever presented, When I read i, 1 suffered fn acute case of hysterics. Ie’ time thatthe hidden, pent-up violence of the American public was exposed. That ic cinnor stand Violence is so much malarky. One look at ur television programming and our newspapers proves this Jolin Apernathy & Rober: Carson Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Congratulations! I's about time that somebody spoke up against all the an and hate that exists berwoen the people of che world. And that's just what you did in jesue #87. I'm speaking of course about “Angry Magazine” which so wonderfully poked fun at the senseless andy at times, stapid arguments which are always in the publics attention, And anyone who dis Agrecs with me is going to geta rep in the jaw Richard Kavooras Oklahoma City, Oklahoma MAD FOLOAN | wane co congratulate you on your new feature, the “MAD Fold-Ia.” Ir is sheer ‘genius T especially Like the way the pat {graphs below each picture change as the pictures do when they are folded ia t0 make a clever and appropriate comment. Keep them coming, George Terrance Chicago, Ulinois 1 don’t like the idea of including @ MAD Fold-fn" because it ruins che cag: azine. I know that a simple solution would be not «9 fold it, but ues like me get ‘curious about how itlooks and reads when ies folded in Riley Forsythe Atlington, Virginia How about buying—heb-hoh—two copies?— Ed, Tam appropriating this correspondence in reference tthe "MAD Fold-In" which appeared on the back cover of No. 87. Not meaning © sound abusive or degrad- ing, the "Fold-In" at first seemed a bie enigmatic. But once I collected my thoughts, I realized chat ehis was truly a masterpiece containing an exorbitant amount of studious labor and creatviy Jaffee isa paragon of ingenuity, and be has propitiated me chrough his astuce wit. Congratulations on a job well done. Iam sure that if you were to discontinue this Species of feature, great consternation ‘would descend upon my cerebral intellect. q We tried folding in this letter, but it fill didn’t make sencel—Ed. Please addres all-correpandence to: MAD, Dept. 89, 850 Third Avenue ‘New York, New York 10022 JUST BECAUSE YOU MISSED THE LAST ISSUE ON THE NEWSSTAND? SUBSCRIBE TO LRALEID AND GET § ISSUES FOR THE PRICE OF 8, OR 24 ISSUES FOR THE PRICE OF 20— MAILED RIGHT TO YOUR HOME! .==-n=suse coupon or duplicate -. MAD SUBSCRIPTIONS 850 Third Avenue New York City, N. ¥. 10022 1 enelose $2.0." Please enter my name on your sub- sition Ht, and mam the nest 8 ssues of MAD 1D Lenclose $5:0.** Plesse enter my name on your sub- scription list, and mail me the next 24 issues of MAB! NAME. ‘ADDRESS. ciry. STATE. ‘Oude US. $2.0, ms NOW...3 FOR 50¢ bet yur, ech on te ete the a an Zip Code. Sore by ew Yor MY 10822 ‘THEY'LL SEE US INHALE DEPT. i inki ing wi .d other (yechh) diseases may ientit idence linking smoking with cancer ani y ee ee ee ee es Some New Ad Tactics WHEN THE CIGARETTE ng akan ae iacrgi gree bei cies omunce is yours if youl only smoke. Since real ee Tmvocked ths appenl cold, sheyt try the apponte tx THE “AGED” APPEAL Depp ea 2] GREAT TOBACCOS MADE 60 WONDERFUL YEARS REARE ‘been smokin’ three packs a day ofthe: 60 years, an’ | feels jus’ fine! In fact, up here in the hil worry nonel I'm all o here Chesterfoggies ev'y day los’ 60 years would've been mighty dull }© puff on! Yessirree! So you shouldn’t age—an' if has survived, you probably will too! Ane SAYS HIRAM POTLATCH OF UPPER PRET, ARKANSAS, ANOTHER OLD, LONG-TIME CHESTERFOGGIE SMOKER! fer the las’ MAD have unlimited faith in the ingenuit i l genuity of advertisers and their li i bedrest cae to peta becky ake care ple Roeaaterse We’re Sure To See... INDUSTRY FIGHTS BACK Acie sity npc veciag the etn nv te ia ‘ovate ippea-nis iene ne ea felon canon “smoking break” while gathering himself f ering himself for another peck Climber or skin diver or some such thrillseeker taking a into the faves of death Sine the "2packeaday mat” ie tow known to be takinga bigger chance, we may son se: THE “ULTIMATE-MAN-OF-ADVENTURE” APPEAL mses «=~ UPFRONT THAT COUNTS! She’s fascinated — intrigued —as all women are by aman who laughsatthe odds, a man who spits in the eye of statistics and titters in the face of 's a man who loves to live dangerously ...in short, a man who smokes! So why don’t you light up today—and see what happens? WINSOM IMPRESSES GOOD... LIKE SMOKING A CIGARETTE SHOULD! | Another sure-fire approach we can counton sceing will be of self-discipline mecessary to Kick the “smoking habit.” the warning to women of the ravages caused by the strain Future TV dramatizations like the following will use... THE “MY—YOU’RE-LOOKING-LOUSY” APPEAL Fannyl | haven't seen you since Madge, you Took] ‘Simple! | started smoking again! | She's right! What ey es reams uarneamnetenn [il eet atetencen ioe ere | erate Be eee area eee ee cee Scare) | Saece'et | | uamrpbenraee Eset |ofewnmen oki aon | Tania Reasctcaeser lil amaneiccrtes ) oss tens neag aie A Another approach will he embodied in the ad campaign that points out the futility of trying to outwit fate—mainly: THE FATALISTIC “QUE SERA, SERA’’ APPROACH EVERY INCH A REAL SHMOE! (No. 121n The “You Can’tWin, SoWhy Try?” Series) got very nervous about it For the next few wooks, he strug: so he di to give it up and survive even desires . . . strived to suppress them . . . and fhe made himself miserable in the attempt. became a nervous wreck. But he quit smoking! One day, as he was walking along Main Street, pausing every so often to suck in fresh air through recently-revived olfactory nerves ‘AND NOTHING YOU CAN DO (LIKE QUITTING SMOKING) IS GOING TO CHANGE IT! SO LET'S FACE IT, SMOKERS! WHEN YOUR NUMBER'S UP, YOUR NUMBER'S UP! SO LIGHT UP AND ENJOY—ENJOY WHILE YOU CAN! REMEMBER, LIFE IS SHORT! You can bet that resourceful ad men will also turn the tensions ofthe nuclear age co their advantage with .. THE “COMPARE-THE-SCARE”’ APPEAL The Most Important Shape In Smoke Today! “we “With that Z to worry about... who's gonna worry about this. 2!” cH ots ra y ‘And lastly, we're sure to see the approach calculated to touch upon what most people fect is really important THE “HELP-SAVE-AMERICA-AND-YOUR-POCKETBOOK” APPEAL Listen, fellow taxp because this story concerns you! ‘When enough people give up smoking, cigarette factories are [And your pocketbook! You've heard alot of talk about the s0- ing to start closing down, and thousands of tobacco workers, called medical benefits of giving up cigarettes .. but have farmers, paper manufacturers, salesmen, package designers, you ever stopped to consider wnat this means in economic: copy writers and vending machine operators are going to be terms... in the things that really count? Watch, and learn! |__| thrown out of jobs. And what are these cast off Am song to do? They're going to go on relief! ‘And who pays the taxes to support lazy bums on relief? You | [ So SMOKE, friends! Encourage others to smoke! Smoke and smoke do, my friends—you and al your fellow taxpayers! So before | | some more! Smoke for a healthy no-nonsense economy! Smoke to {you quit puffing, stop and think! What's more important— | | preserve our American Way of Life! Remember, anybody wito tries physical health or fiscal health? No right thinking American || to undermine our American Way of Life is a Red—or atleast he will have fo think twice about that? 2 Pinkol So maybe we better take a hard look into the political boeliets of scientists who say it's bad to smoke, and MICROFOLK DEPT, In response to many requests (mostly from the writer, and one from a germ), MAD once again presents a close-up look at that wonderful world-within-a-world — in — ANOTHER MAD Peck Through The MICROSCOPE Tenever seems to occur to them that this invisible shield might protect us, too! ‘Better get the Bomb Squad over here right away, Chi ‘nut planted a tiny time pill in the Cough Control C Maude— havea green thumb! You always have the 2 rettiest ‘Crest—shmest! Either you meet your cavity quota h fungus on or I'll find someone who can! the block! ner dodget the family Whate OLD FOLKS AT HAM DEPT. FEW months back, Hollywood bestowed its annual awards for the best acting performances of the year. Now ‘we don’t want to take anything away from Hollywood (except maybe Jayne Mansfield), but those movie stars are strictly amateurs compared to the really great actors and actresses of our country—namely, American Parents! Who else gives such exhausting emotional performances day after day without let-vp? What other actors can do the some scene over and over for years, carrying on even though their audiences are bored to death. Indeed, American Parents are the great unsung performers of our time. And so, in order to salute them, we now present: THE MAD ACADEMY AWARDS FOR PARENTS Tadiesand Gentlemen. welcome ro the First Annual MAD Academy Awards for Parents! Here, in the overstulfed, garishly-decorated living room of Mr. and Mrs. Wilbur Nasal, overlooking thetr other threeand-one-half uncomfortable rooms, we have gathered to honor those people whose acting performances best illustrate the time-honored and traditional concepts of arenthood. The winner in each category will receive this lovely [carat solid, gold plated statuette~"The Mommy” And now ...on with the show! [1 i Gey, MN “THE SLOPPY ROOM"—and the are: Mrs, Elsie Gladbuck for her memorable performances in her "You're Just Impossible! routine ing performance in her famous “And This Is The Thanks I Get!” routine~ What do you think | @m, your personal maid? Don't change ‘You think all have to do is pick up after |[ Their ]| the subject! you? Your friends should see how you keep | rooms || it's YOUR Your foom!'l bet theie roams areneat! | “are || room tha Til bet thelr rooms are clean! Ill bet— | worse! | talking about 'Do | ask for thanks like some parents for ]| Not much, the fine home, good food and excessively high allowance | give you? Nol Do | want thanks for eatering to your every whim— for going without things so you can have whatever your heart desires? No! But just Tet me ask a simple thing ike cleaning up your own lavish room-—and what happens? P| le | ‘The third nominee is Mrs, Olga Biffle for L ‘And the winner is... Mrs. Rose Septic for her great her "Ie Would Serve You Right!" routine~ (2) 9 overdone bit—screaming “I Can't Do A Thing With Him! you're content tohave your room look ike || Big talker! Will you please do something about your Last woek ’ cyclone hit it, that's all right with me! tweara ‘ried! But it's" || when! I'm simply going to leave everything right ini at ‘a brick wall! Ift've asked || got a 93, whore you drop itt And when the pile gets || the beach ‘Ve asked hima milion times |] in Solid [JE high enough, 'm going to throw itall out! |] and she has is room! But your son is always |] Geometry, | ‘And you can walk around naked fora | carel ‘too busy! You know what he needs, your son? || | was ‘A good smack, that's what your son needs! |] HER SON! I “The next category is “GETTING RID OF THE KID FOR ‘THE SUMMER’=and the frst nominee is Mrs. Alice Corker for her heart-rending "Its You We're Thinking Of" scene— =e ———s { Daring, your leaving hurts us more than it hurts You! | yout How do you think we'll fell summer long. tell without our litle man around the house? But usell don’t worry about us! We're happy to sacrifice so sieat Wu ean have a wonderful summer at compl itn = e September! want to thank you so much for ‘this award! I'm really a very lucky woman! | have a wonderful husband, a marvelous son, every: ‘thing a woman could ask for! ‘When | court all my blossings— Sorry wo interrupt, rs Septic but we only give one acing | Sard toa nominee! familiar “Son, 1 Wane To Be Prowd Of You!" scene. memorable rendition of “Suddenly My Baby Is A Mant” TI No tears now, Son! Men aren't supposed to |/ Would | | can’t believe it... my litte Larry going to sleop-away Sry Remember, you're carrying on a prnud, camp! Oh, how time flies! But 'm not the kind of mother tradition at Camp Wa-Pa-NaPi. When 1 was who wants to keep her child a baby so she can feol young! ‘a camper there, | won the Athletics Gold [ The second nominee is Me Witte teats 8 J “The third nominee is Mrs. Harold Sperling for her ‘You're growing up, son! It's happening so fast | can't, ‘Medal and the Bost Camper Award! | expect a so. sor Ihe bensenhe & the same from you so don’t disappoint met ‘aap tractr of ow obtall age! ‘want you to come back with some trophies! ‘ad the winner... May. Donald Vetr for ber Thankyou This 1-afa gol pated expect ooking Poe ce ace earoge |__| | stnnmnsuel os eoetinutf ante rete coos y retlagaton repace i our ovely serene 18h Conary ‘nortan tay rich hustone al he mony stuns decarated roots osu brand nev past Calo note ne | sost stop hinting about te wonderul ime wel ‘wank “Upper Nauvenu Riche” section You tudat that Cheap samp you wettest anna mantis create morlecrenana pos a | *intye county Aline ten etnorer i oe om new nasa po thre Dott you west ws - ] "wobeprout othocanpyou go er Bort you wo soe by Saati ad es now alana arouses nena cee eh toot Bon tyou want tat Bort You? The nox category isfor “COMING HOME LAT! iam eae Ee ES ict. The first nominee is Mrs. Hortense Inlay for her : inspiring “I Could Drop Dead For All You! : je Into A Nervous Wreck! What do you care that | sweat all day over pees ‘Thank God you're home! | imagined all sorts || Yeah, | ‘a hot stovel You were supposed to be home of things! No matter how big you get, you're || I'd be half an hour ago! Instead of waltzing in ‘tll my itle boy—and a mother can'thelp || alot late, you should get down on your hands. |} having for Worrying about her littie boy! I'm petefied || safer ‘and knees and begrateful you nave suche || dinner? when I think of you-jate at night—out on || if was ‘devoted mother! Well, this is the end! For that highway with all those reckless driverst all care, you can eat your dinner cold her performance in “OF Gourse 1 Understand!” brilliant performance of “What Did 1 Do To Deserve This?” Zadar. b 8 [pier lam ‘Very nice! Staying out till all hours! || Mother, when a girl | | I'm sorry {sit jate? If your father, the Bank | vemriaea mate mt ateatoand || aieseiensati| [Rr secy | mabeegezar en ene ll into asocalwhinine other parents? || ‘eleven, she testo, f) | foolate, || all. what do'hours mere ot less mean | finds out soteearinaema cee | anewee | | Sate || Shetemottttmmeccrre Pen _ “Good Night” to each other! Don't "The next category is “THE ECONOMY CAMPAIGN’—and ‘wonderful award! '¢ love to the frst nominee is Mr. Lewis Zimba for his touching. Say a few words, but | must | And you're c pantomime performance ia "It's Tao Much To Bes wish home! My daughter ie. | afraid they’ce ‘alone there with that rich | necking? boyfriend of hers! z B Hold it, Ruthie! | think my father oe is trying to tell me something! Thank you for giving me this [he ‘The third nominee is Mrs, Steph | for his explosive “What's The Use Of Talking!” matchless performance in “When We Were Your Age! Ter nany nes mat eps ooquem— conan] [Fre soto evs ametvnocoms tne | Doe Celene rm vvoton see [=| Gein | | meactirnctadatteecaicany | at sia ani aeeveuasesin are || Sut 4act Jocingne| | yu ycoesemie Sse ci honey | ors far end out the other! Toathpaste costs, | $01 Oaat |" pg Comes too easy! Why, when yourfatherwae_ | Maybe rmonoyandmaneycceurtgat sve! | Thsvert, [apni | | Seountmeree uma we gegeaeycae | oye Or don't you care??!! Lac a and then maybe for an ice cream soda! That's || better cea, tietayeloor sentterpant” | Sa J And the winner is... Mra. Phyllis Freeble for. & hher great performance in "Upset: Who's upeet” Thank you all for this wonderful award, and dike | & totake this opportunity to express my gratitude to | Ty ony aon hilton tat dear sweet boy whose nstiwy ad depth of emotion hove won hin the in your brand new suit? You think | care that it TL HIT MEE ‘admiration of every psychiatrist we've sent him tof cost $08 of your father's nararnad money! You|| BEAT MEL ONLY yor makiou tos Wertovs morvent poet | "chink tm apeat that Wl take $15.0" $29%0 || STOR TAS rewonve't? You tink! mdistirbed thatyou || ORIENTAL =v - disobeyed my orders? You think I'm angry...? || TORTURE! ‘You think it bothers me that you played football || 1 CAN'T TAKE [The second nomination goes to Mr. Gerald D. Asp for his nominees are: First—Mrs, Mary Ann Kreevich in her iitstanding pestormance'in “Lee Tall This Thing Out unforgettable “Listen To Me When I'm Talking To You!” | 1 eeoyouresi eiting—andsoiethe garage! You know whet you |, | $2” you would Wi regrded your wine merely are? You're a good:for nothing loafer! Your father and | could drop expect you to respect mine—and cut the lawn? Am ibeing | = from exhaustion and you wouldn't ift a finger to help ust If you're lunreasonable? Is thet asking too much? Actually, i's @ much this bad nove, what will you be 5 like tous when you're grownup? [EE ti Dlageriaue than ust the lawn! Sure, could pay a gardener $10 to cut the grass— but what would that do? ‘A complete stranger! = ; Radin Gace oleracea Tle [Next here i Min Richard Klaus in “The Ulsan. 8 A heehee np Se Who doyou tink you are the Queen of Seba Is beneath [Run along and have funt Gee, Mom, you to help withthe dishes? Are you afraid you'll sol your windows! First, Il ea you're in é 52 Well, from now on, everyone inthis and God knows what that will do to my Bi pretty bad or else she can move out! Then I'll climb to the root and pray that one shapel You ‘ - a of my dizzy spells doesn’t come over me. Then /] ought to hire _ U'ilput up the windows-if my heart nolds out! || “someone to Don't you get sarcastic es with me, young lady! 11am happy to accept this “Mommy"* on behalf of my Self-sacrificing mother, who unfortunately cannot bbe with us here today, She's in Miami Beach ‘suffering through her semi-annual 3-month vacation! Welt, that’s it, folks! As the ceremonies marking the First Annual MAD Academy Awards For Parents draw to a close, and the recipients and || hopefuls rush for the exits so they can get home quick and start screaming. |/ ‘and raving and carrying on ... trying to qualify for next year's coveted |Jawards, we bid you all good-bye! Remember, watch for our coming Awards Ceremony where we salute the people responsible for all thie fine acting the ereators—the writers—the directors of allthis domestic drama ++ mainly the teenagers themselves! atone in a waSHRoom FOR THE FIRST Time CAR WATCH DEPT. According to a recent MAD survey, hardly anybody reads the introductions to these articles. In fact, we discovered that there is only one person in the whole country who reads the introductions to MAD articles. You, Sonia Muffleknopf, of Evanston, IIl.! Hi, Sonia! It’s nice communicating with you like this. And Sonia, guess what? We just learned that you are really Anastasia, the sole surviving member of Tsar Nicholas’s family. There are $7,000,000 worth of Russian crown jewels waiting for you under the letter box at the corner of State and Lake Streets in Chicago. Pick them up at your convenience. Don’t worry—not a soul knows about this. The U.S. Government has authorized us to contact you this secret way. So, good luck, Sonia, with your new- found fortune. Just remember, while you are driving around in your shiny Cadillac or roaming thru your 40-room mansion with the swimming pool, that you owe it all to reading introductions to ridiculous MAD articles like this one, which presents . . . See the Drive-In Theater. ‘See the nice ear parked init See the nice man and lady in the car. What a lovely couple they are. The man and lady are married. How do we know they are married? Because they are in the Drive-In Theater ‘And they are not necking! ‘See the other nice man and lady. See them kissing Kiss, man and lady, kiss. What a pair of kissers! This man and lady are not married. No, sir! Then again, they could be married — But not to each other! LESSON 3. See the children in pajam: Why are they wearing pajamas? So they will sleep in the back seat While their parents watch the movie. See how nicely they are sleeping. See how they talkin their sleep, See how they fightin their sleep. See how they sleep with their eyes open. ‘Tomorrow they will sleep with their eyes closed In school! LESSON 4. ‘Thats’ what it’s called at a Drive-In. ‘The owner has a cuter name for it Ho callsita "Gold Mine’ Eat, people, eat. ‘Chomp, slurp, gulp. Doesn't it remind you of feeding time at the 200? Only the animals have better table manners ‘These people eat as if this is their last meal Considering the quality of the food, For many of them—it is! very car has a speaker, See the angry man. Gree! Gree! Gree! The angry man is smashing the speaker! Why is the man so angry? Because the movie he is watching is called ‘Gidget Goes Crazy” And, unfortunately, his speaker works! See the funny man. He has made a funny mistake. He has driven off But he has forgotten to remove his speaker fom his ear door. The speaker wire has snapped And the man is driving home with the speaker Hal Hat Hat But some speaker wires are very strong ‘When drivers forget to remove these speakers from their ear doors, ‘They drive home without these: They also drive home without t LESSON 5. See the Amusement Area. ‘See the children having fun. ‘Amusement Areas serve two valuable func ‘They allow youngsters to get rid of excess energy ‘And they allow youngsters to play in the night air ‘This usually leads to two important results: Dirty pajamas. ‘And pneumonia! LESSON 6. EAT AND SPEND MONEY See the Drive-In Movie screen, Ittells you how many minutes to show time. ‘And how many minutes to the next announcement, (Of how many minutes to show time. Ivalso tells you about the fabulous Refreshment Center. And Phil's Garage on Main Street ‘And Ernie's Meat Market on Maple Avenue. ‘And Henry's Funeral Parlor on Eim Drive. ‘Aren't you glad you're not home watching TV With all those lousy commercials? the rain come down. Splish, splash, splosh. See the windshield wipers working. Flip, fap, lop. Hear the defroster fans blowing Rerr, er, 7 You can’t beat a Drive-In Movie fora cheap evening. It only costs $1.00 per person to get in, Plus $4.85 For using up 15 gallons of gas And the defroster fans will blow Without running down the battery LESSON 10. “The show is over. See all the cars leaving at once. Smash, crash, blamm. What a funny collision. tis a312-car collision. ‘Tomorrow the owner will close his Drive-In Theater. Inits place, he will open an auto junkyard. Hes off to. grand st Look at all the lovely merchandise he has. 19 BERG'S-EYE VIEW DEPT. THE LIGHTER SIDE OF Vim gonna commit ‘suicide! Then he'll Teel sorey! Wow! That's the first time | ever went snorkel-| ing! What an experience! it's opened up a whole new world for me! ‘Are you out of your skull?! Surtboarding is a dangerous |/ ‘sport! | could get Killed! | ve been swimming in these waters for years, and | never realized what was Under the surface! SPORTS ‘Okay! You ean stop now! | got the Pieture! We understand! We'll both keep our eyes open! ae ac r LAST ONE TO THE Hep He beter by Ws nat mater yore ee er FLOAT IS A ‘a mile! | thoug! of H It's a She oie we AA ROTTEN EGG! you said she was @ matter of B-O-Y! ras areal crush record for the Sen shee on Big Georgie! | | SO:yard Freestyle! SCREECH I}: [roucezy on sournanan) [aust seven mis exrune How lucky you are ie te afford your own Tean’t get them away oe from the lawn sprinkler! Hey, Dad! | just speared 2 big black fish! Look! now BLOW OUT HARD! TALK OF THE TOWN DEPT. If you happen to live in a foreign country, you probably know a great deal about America. That's ited States spends a fortune on its Information Service to tell foreigners about n American, you're stuck! There's no Informa- wom naman Sere Yost nt eatind votre eeasaone CD WR e an ' ey & ‘Wea’ Fi anc, 0 i COZY — My, Sy Lo

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