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EDNESDAY lunchtime and

Im heading to a busy bar on
Dublins Dawson Street for
a date. A first date. A blind
first date. I am sick with
nerves. Afraid that my
sweaty palms will give away
how nervous I am, I wipe them on my
jeans, before taking a deep breath and
pushing open the heavy doors to the
bustling bar.

A quick scan reveals tables crowded with colleagues getting a spot of lunch, a couple sitting
by the window, lingering over a bottle of chilled
white wine.and a man alone by the bar.
He is handsome, dark hair, about 45, clean-

V1

by Danielle
McGrane
shaven and dressed in chinos and a sky-blue jersey. I walk towards him and his face lights up.
Marie? he enquires. I nod and we smile at
each other nervously. He points to an empty
table and, as he leads me over, his hands gently
brushing the small of my back and I get a quick
whiff of aftershave.
Coffee? he offers enthusiastically. Another
nod from me and soon enough two steaming
cups appear. The relief on our faces as it arrives
is obvious, at last something to take our attention away from this awkward situation. The

Daily Mail, Saturday, April 28, 2007

small talk begins. He asks if I found the place

easily enough, I say I did and he mutters
something about the traffic.
But ten minutes in we were chatting with
ease, making plenty of eye contact, and, dare
I say it, flirting. I like him. He is easy to talk to.
Im sure most people can relate to this
moment, the initial blind date. The small talk,
the nerves, the palpable awkwardness.
Constantly asking yourself do I like him, do we
have chemistry? Does he like me? Its a rite of
passage in any relationship but this isnt any
relationship. There is a catch.
This man is married and, as far as he is concerned, so am I. And as he had put it so eloquently to me, this was only ever going to be a
casual friendship with a strong physical side.
Translation: no-strings sex, once a week in a
hotel room.
And, apparently, he is not alone in
this quest.
Recent figures suggest that as many
as one in ten married Irish people are
either thinking about or conducting
an affair and hundreds of them are
going online to do so. In America and
the UK, there are dozens of sites
offering a form of online dating, aimed
exclusively at married men and
women wanting to stray. British sites
now offer Irish chatrooms and business is brisk.
One such site: Illicitencounters.com,
last month signed up its 250th Irish
m e m b e r. J u b i l a n t , a s p o k e s m a n
announced: The figures have gone
vertical in the past few months. It
may be that there are just a lot of very
frustrated Irish people out there
Apparently it is professionals who
most regularly use the site. Our clients
arent just from Dublin, explains a site
source. They come from rural areas as
well. Two weeks ago, we had five
people from Kerry join over two days.
And these are very normal people;
theyre the type youd see strolling
around your local supermarket.
Thinking about some of the men who
frequent my local Spar, I shudder, but
its hard not to be intrigued. I log on.
The illicitencounters homepage features a white background, with no
garish colours or flashing ads. Alongside the welcome note which reads,
Married but feeling neglected? In
need of some excitement? is a picture
of a couple walking along a beach.
It all seems quite tame considering
its ultimate aim is to match up people
for sex.
There is even a disclaimer. Warning:
Not everyone is suited to having an
affair, they are not an alternative to
working on or ending a marriage, not
all affairs have a positive effect on a
marriage, some can be very damaging. Always consider other people and
if you are going to have an affair,
please select your partner wisely.
Pe r h a p s i t h e l p s t h e w e b s i t e s
creators sleep better at night.
Perhaps not surprisingly the site is
free for women to register, but men
have to pay E90 for a month.
Even so there are still about five
times more men on it than women. I
begin the registration process, and
decide to cast myself as a yummy
mummy-type. The specifics usually
demanded on regular dating websites
are asked for, hair colour, eye colour,
drinking/smoking preferences, age,
language, education though all that
is strictly required is a username. I
call myself up4fun79 5ft 2in dark
blonde, with a slim figure and long
hair and decide I could pass for 27
instead of my actual age of 24.
As I fill it all out, I create a character
for myself, a young mother who got
married before she had seen much of
the world but who would never leave
her husband because her children
need a stable home life.
The first section I fill in is Ideal Partner and after listing the usuals, great
sense of humour and like-minded, I
write: There has to be someone else
who is genuine, like me, someone who
feels trapped and that this is like a
light at the end of the tunnel.
Then its time to write my sob story
before I insert the line, While I feel
affection for my husband Im not in
love with him anymore and would
love to meet someone to put some
passion back in my life.
Within an hour I have received five
emails from different men. Although

some are based in the UK, there are a

few in Ireland and the British guys are
keen to state that they come over to
Dublin a lot on business.
One such man, who calls himself
irishgent, writes: I can usually find
time in my day to meet up with a
yummy mummy so if you read my
profile and think to yourself, this guy
sounds nice, without too much of a
commitment, you can have some fun
and enjoyment in your life again, then
let me know.
Its all fairly tame, but the message
is pretty clear.
One email I get from Frisky a
34-year-old based in the UK reads I
love an Irish accent! Jim from Kerry
asks me if Im interested in swinging
with him and his partner, needless to
say I dont respond to him. Smiley
from Dublin tells me hes looking for a
one-night stand and maybe more.
And looking at the profiles submitted
by other women, it appears the gentler sex is no less forthright. Foxy
from Cork writes, I love good sex,
company and pampering. Scarlett
from the UK is even more honest. Her
profile reads, I have a very high sex
drive and want someone that I can
enjoy being very adventurous with!
In a strange way, much of this feels
more honest than the outpourings
one usually finds on regular dating
websites. There wont be any flowers,
candle-lit dinners or declarations of
love. But if you want to, as I soon
found out, you can enjoy daytime
trysts in seedy hotel rooms.
One man who calls himself Rob tells
me my profile really hit home and
explains his own situation in two sentences: Its difficult for us (partner
and myself) to have a conversation on
anything of substance. I feel really
alone and it bothers me.

NDY emails me and writes,

Im not looking to get out of
anything, just got married too
young, Im looking for regular
DISCREET fun in Dublin,
have a lot of daytime free etc. Let me
know if u interested.
Within the first week Ive had emails
from about 20 men, all looking for
discreet fun. The next step is chatting online to these guys. The website
allows you to converse with other
users and the requests come thick
and fast.
The first chat with the aptly named
Bullet bypasses the usual pleasantries and consists of pictures of him
mooning at the camera.
So I browse some of the other profiles some more. In Friskys profile, he
admits wanting No-strings-attached
sex and that hes looking for someone
who wants some excitement. Teasy
from Co. Antrim claims to be a
happily married man who is looking
for a mature lady for a good time.
I plunge in by chatting with a man
who claims to be an Irish surgeon.
Yeah, right. And Im a supermodel. He
tells me that hes more mates with
his wife than anything else and that
his physical needs arent being
looked after. Then he pushes me in to
giving him my phone number, but
I decline.
The next man tells me hes amazed
that people post pictures of themselves on the website, and that hes
very nervous about being caught.
Nerves aside, Dubguy * (See below)
is quick to test just how open-minded
up4fun79 really is.
So are you open to new things? he
begins. Of course I respond and he
answers, What about a threesome?
It emerges hes dead serious, and
that he thinks we could find our third
person on this site quite easily. Taken
aback, I decide to string him along for
a while. We arrange to chat again the
following day, and he tells me a little
about his relationship Im in a
20-year marriage but there is
absolutely no physical side, he says.
Im looking for a discreet friendship.
I feel I have to ask the obvious But
why discreet if its only friendship
youre after?
He responds: I mean a friendship
that includes good sex!!
He also admits that he has had a few