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Megan Kosinski
TE 802, Sec. 15
Student Work Analysis
PART ONE
Assignment
The archetypal comparison essay asks students to respond to one of the following
prompts: (1) Compare two texts that feature heros journey archetypes (2) Compare two texts
that feature creation story archetypes.
Goals
The following list illustrates my goals for student learning leading to and through this
assignment: (1) SWBAT describe, recognize, and discuss defining standards for the archetypal
heros journey and creation story (2) SWBAT develop and extend a thesis comparing and
contrasting two texts (3) SWBAT identify and use organizational patterns and transitions.
My literacy survey indicates that the majority of my students watch television and movies
frequently (73%). Therefore, most of my students are already familiar with archetypal plots,
characters, and themes, even if they do not recognize these as patterns. Their previous
knowledge regarding these archetypes has promoted a generally high level of interest and
engagement and also provided a foundation for text-to-self connections. Moreover, most
students are relatively strong with regard to many of the Standard American English
conventions, but the majority need to refine their formal writing skills. Some focus areas
include organizing different types of essays, use of transitions/transitional sentences, and
detailed (yet concise) thesis statements. Also, the curricular goals for English 12 students are
the CCSS for grades 11-12, which encourage students to produce clear and coherent writing
and to develop their writing through planning and revising.
This is a summative assessment that takes place near the end of our Archetypes/Ancient
Literature unit. We spent several weeks examining archetypes in different creation stories,
contemporary texts, The Epic of Gilgamesh, and the novel Life of Pi. Then, as a separate (but
connected) assignment, students filled out one of three outline templates and turned these in
for feedback. Afterwards, I modeled an introduction, a conclusion, and transitional
words/phrases before students drafted their own. Finally, students were asked to combine
these parts into a fully fleshed out comparison essay. We gave them three days in the media
center to work on this assignment. In future units, we will revisit some of the common
structural mistakes (such as comma splices and essay consistency) and require students to
apply appropriate organizational patterns and transitions. We will also ask students to note
similarities and differences among the various texts we read together, so their comparison skills
will be revisited.
Design (Reflect)
As they are patterns among hundreds of texts, archetypes lend themselves to
comparing and contrasting, and they can be examined thoughtfully in a comparison essay. My
mentor teacher and I decided that we would let students select their own texts, believing that

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this would promote more investment in their thesis and essay. However, we required all
students to analyze their texts with an archetypal lens. Moreover, before students could write
their essays, they had to get their thesis approved on their outlines. (The thesis needed to
introduce the two selected texts and the archetypal focus.) Students were also required to use
their outline as a foundation for their comparison essay. This provided an organizational
backbone for their papers and enabled me to grade them on their application of the selected
essay template.
This assignment allowed me to assess students application of archetypal concepts,
organizational patterns, textual examples, and SAE grammar conventions. However, this
assignment did not allow me to see if students actually read/watched and understood their
selected texts; much of the textual and archetypal information could be gleaned from online
summaries.

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Archetypes Comparison Essay
Note: There is no assignment sheet for this comparison essay. This assignment was completed
through a step-by-step process across the span of two weeks; directions and instructions were
given verbally, displayed on the daily PowerPoint, and sometimes modeled. The following
material represents the sequence of essay-related instructions and scaffolding.
Students essays need to respond to ONE of the following prompts: (1) Compare two texts
that feature heros journey archetypes (2) Compare two texts that feature creation story
archetypes.
A previous assignment required students to write an outline that responded to this prompt. I
modeled three comparison essay outlines, and we completed these example outlines as a class.
Then students were asked to fill out one of the templates that would best suit their own
selected texts and topics. Students submitted these outlines and received a grade and feedback
for moving forward. Then I gave students several handouts, including one on introductory and
concluding paragraphs and another on essay transitions (please see attached documents).
Students received model introductory and concluding paragraphs, and I showed them how to
apply various transition words. I asked students to draft their introductions and conclusions for
the next class.
Students introductions should include a hook, context/topics, and the thesis. Also, their
conclusions need a restated thesis, restated topics, and a thought-provoking question or
statement. Each body paragraph needs a topic and three apt details and examples. The topics,
details, and examples should all correspond with the students outline template.
Finally, I asked students to combine and elaborate on all of their raw material: OK, so now you
all basically have a rough draft of your essay. You drafted out your introductory and concluding
paragraphs, and your outline includes your details and examples for your body paragraphs.
Remember: if you used a whole-to-whole or similarities-to-differences template, your essay will
be four paragraphs long. If you chose the point-by-point template, it will be five paragraphs
long. Please remember to incorporate appropriate transitions throughout your paperdont
just throw them in there randomly. They should make sense, and I think youll notice that they
will add a sense of flow and organization to your essay. This being said, the assignment is due
on Friday at 3:00PM. Youll have the rest of the week to work on this in class. Please make sure
it is in your Turn-In folder on Google Docs.

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PART TWO
The Selected Students
Student A has been struggling with English 12. He is behind on his assignments and is
generally unmotivated in the classroom. Knowing that he needed extra support on this
assignment, I helped him with his outline and gave him my approval to move forward with the
paper. However, his comparison essay did not meet my expectations.
Student B has a B in English 12. Although she keeps up with the assignments, she is
often distracted in class and is frequently absent. Her comparison essay is representative of her
typical work and met my expectations. Even so, some parts of her paper are inaccurate and/or
lacking adequate detail or explanation.
Student C has an A in English 12. While he sometimes jokes around with friends in
class, he is generally productive, and he participates in my mentor teachers Songwriters Club.
His comparison essay illustrates a solid understanding of archetypal plots, and his assignment
exceeded my expectations.
Student Interpretations and Patterns
Even though the essays differ in quality, these three students seem to have interpreted
many of the assignments key components similarly. For instance, each of these students used
an organizational pattern to construct his or her comparison essay. Students A and B used the
whole-to-whole template while Student C used a similarities-to-differences template; these
essays also include introductory, body, and concluding paragraphs. All three students compared
two texts and alluded to the archetypal plots we discussed in class. There is also evidence that
suggests all three students used their outlines to organize their essays, although Student As
paper only minimally reflects his outline.
Student A received an I for Incomplete on this assignment. He followed an
organizational template and briefly referred to the archetypal plots (e.g. call to adventure and
trials), but his interpretation of the assignment did not meet my expectations. Looking beyond
the awkward, confusing wording and the lack of essay flow or coherency, his thesis did not
adequately introduce the heros journey archetypes. His essay also failed to directly address and
compare three archetypal stages within his selected texts, and he provided few textual examples
to support his statements. Moreover, Student B and Student C both received passing grades,
earning a B and A, respectively. These students essays are relatively easy to follow, and they
clearly compared two texts and their archetypal stages. However, Student Bs comparison essay
contained several textual inaccuracies, and some statements required elaboration and further
detail to demonstrate true understanding of the texts and archetypes. On the other hand,
Student C was both thorough and thoughtful in his analysis, and he used precise language and
textual examples to support the majority of his statements.
Throughout these students essays, I noticed the following patterns.
Awkward or confusing sentence structures: All of these students received awkward
wording or confusing wording comments on their essays. Run-on sentences can be
found in both Student As and Student Bs papers, and there are a couple instances of
awkward wording in Student Cs paper.
Missing or misuse of punctuation: Each of these students received comments
regarding their use (or nonuse) of punctuation. Commas seemed to be particularly

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tricky for students. However, punctuation errors were relatively rare in Student Cs
essay, suggesting that he understands most common punctuation conventions.
Each of these students decided to use Life of Pi: While students were not required to
use Life of Pi as one of their texts, my mentor teacher and I strongly suggested this as
an option because we discussed many of the novels archetypes in class. This choice
likely means that students enjoyed the text and/or they thought that the work we did
together in class was applicable to the assignment.

Individual Student Performance/Responses

Student A
Student A is often distracted in class, and he seems to either ignore or rush through his
English assignments. Based on our conversations, I know he did not keep up with the nightly
reading, and his essay illustrates a shallow level of textual knowledge. This student has told me
that his English homework is not a priority, and I believe this is reflected in his writing.
Student A used a whole-to-whole organizational template, and his paper illustrates the
appropriate number of paragraphs. His paper contains multiple relevant ideas and statements,
and these can and should be elaborated on. However, he needs to revise his awkward and
confusing sentence structures and directly explain how the archetypal stages are fulfilled by his
textual examples. This paper also contains errors with regard to formal and Standard American
English conventions.
I learned that this student needs assistance with essay conventions (e.g. topic sentences,
transitions, etc.) and sentence structure, and he could also benefit from a lesson on commas. He
seems to have some ideas regarding the Heros Journey stages, but it is likely that these stages
need to be reviewed and reexamined. In addition, I learned that he enjoys The Hunger Games,
which is both a little surprising and uplifting.
Student B
While Student B has told me multiple times that she could not wait to get out of English
12, she generally fulfills most assignment requirements, and her comparison essay is
representative of her typical work. Nonetheless, Student B was not keeping up with the nightly
reading, and that is reflected in the few textual inaccuracies that appear throughout her essay.
Also, because she is in my focus class, I knew that her wording could sometimes be confusing
and/or awkward, and I have left her feedback regarding this issue previously.
Student B effectively used a whole-to-whole organizational template, and she addressed
three archetypal stages per each selected text. She incorporated several appropriate textual
examples, although she should have elaborated on some of these further. Additionally, she
applied transitional words and phrases effectively, and these add a sense of flow and
organization within her paragraphs. There were also a couple comma splices, which seems to be
a common error among English 12 students. Additionally, her paper reminded me that I need to
incorporate a lesson on crafting relevant topic and concluding sentences within body
paragraphs. Her topic sentences seem almost random, and her concluding sentences are
nonexistent.
Through her paper, I recognized that my model introductory and concluding paragraphs
influenced Student Bs style and writing; she basically imitated my pattern and made it her own.

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Like Student A, Student B could benefit from a lesson on sentence structure and commas.
Moreover, I learned that this student has a good understanding of the various archetypal stages
and transitional words/phrases. Before reading her outline and essay, I did not know that she
was interested in The Hunger Games.
Student C
This student pays attention in class and keeps up with the nightly reading. Accordingly,
his paper is accurate regarding both Life of Pi and the archetypal stages. Generally, he exhibits
thoroughness and creativity in his assignments, which is demonstrated in the textual examples
and precise word choice throughout his archetypal comparison essay.
This student effectively used a similarities-to-differences organizational template. He
included plentiful textual details to support the majority of his statements, illustrated a solid
understanding of the archetypal stages and transition words, and maintained a sense of flow
throughout his essay. There were a few instances in which punctuation was missing or misused
and a couple sentences that could be reworded more clearly, but there were no errors that
distracted from comprehension. (His second body paragraph is also missing a concluding
sentence, which is another reminder that I need to include this element in future instruction.)
While I knew Student C was diligent about his work, his essay seemed particularly thoughtful,
and I learned that he has mastered many archetypal concepts. Through his paper, I noticed that
he has internalized many writing conventions and developed his own style; if he were up to it, he
could potentially help other students with their writing.

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Student A
Life of Pi vs The Hunger Games
Through all trials and crises that goes on in the world today theres not too many people
that can call themselves heroes at the end of the day. Heroes can come in many different
shapes and sizes and can be anyone. The life of Pi by: Yann Martel with Pi really showing his
animal skills and having this wicked connection with a tiger. The Hunger Games starring Katniss
and her role of being put in that green light of stepping into that survival mode that she never
knew she had.
With everything going perfect u couldn't have asked for a better life. with pretty much
living in a zoo Pi was living his dream, and never looked back. Pi had a connection with animals
that no other human did, and if u werent him then u wouldnt understand. When he was called
to his adventure that really changed him and helped him develop into a new person. Going
from land to sea is a major difference, but wasn't nothing Pi couldn't adapt too.
With everything going the on around her Katniss was one of those quiet heroes. She
loved her family and friends, and would even put her life on the line for someone she cared
about. With katniss being kinda the underdog in the game no one expected her to have the
skills she did with a bow with a little determination and aggression she was an expert with a
bow. It also didn't help that she also found someone she cared about in the middle of battle.
Whether its strength, pride, or just being brave are the type of words they would be
described as. Through all the trials and tribulations they were put through they both overcame
them and showed the miracles of a hero even though knowing they will never go back to having
the same old nice sweet moods and sense of humor because of this experience, but as long as

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they were alive. in both the Hunger Games, and with the Life Of Pi they both had similar
features, and can both relate to the crisis and adventures.

Student B
Heroic Young Adults
Have you ever had to fight for your district or get stuck stranded at sea with an adult
tiger? You probably have not had to do these things but Pi from the Life of Pi and Katniss from
the Hunger Games have been brave enough to do these things. In the Life of Pi, Pi departures on
a journey from his home in India. Pi must also try to survive at sea when he gets stranded. Even
though these are two are similar there are a couple differences in their journeys and how they
go about it. Like Pi Katniss departures to the capital but unlike him she goes to play in the Hunger
Games, also she goes through some trouble within the forest and forces to survive. These
stories; Life of Pi and the Hunger Games both display archetypes of a heros journey.
Many of us have had to make sacrifices, but not like what Pi had to do for the zoo. He
departures from India on a boat to help save the zoo, because it was not making enough money.
While Pi is on this boat he goes through lots of trials and tribulations. One of them is him getting
stranded and finding out that he is stuck with an adult Bengal tiger that is named Richard Parker.
Pi sometimes goes a little crazy trying to survive with no necessities, one example is when he hunts
for fish and gets his foot cut from a reef he then cuts an animal so he can use its blood to heel the
bottom of his foot. Now that is brave and creative on his part but he did pick up lots of survival
skills at sea. While surviving Pi begins to learn how to treasure things, such as when he hits land it
is one thing that he treasures the most besides his prayer rug, treasure is something we all cherish.

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Although being mature is one thing some of us struggle at, it was pretty easy for Katniss
from the Hunger Games when chosen to fight for her district. Just like Pi Katniss leaves her home
but unlike him she has to leave to the capitol to the games. She displays braveness and is a
model for most young people especially for girls. Katniss teaches us that braveness and being
strong is not just for men. Similar to Pi, Katniss discovers that she has to go through lots of trials.
One of these difficult situations is when a forest fire begins in the woods and she has to either
get it to stop, which is nearly impossible without water, or simply get as far away from the fire as
possible. This is something we usually do not have to do so it really shows how brave she is. Just
like many of us Katniss treasures things too. She begins to have a relationship with peeta, and it
is one thing she treasures the most that is not an object.
These are the stories of two very heroic people who experience the same stages of a
heros journey through their archetypes. The two of them leave their comfortable lives and
homes to a whole new adventure. For Katniss it means fighting for her district in the Hunger
Games, learning how to survive and the courage to go on. For Pi it means losing everything he
had to be stranded at sea and quickly learning how to live with an adult tiger. In conclusion they
both had ordinary lives that quickly turned into journeys of the unknown.
Student C
When Worlds Collide
The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your
adventure. said Joseph Campbell. Those who do choose to accept their adventure are met with
great strife and even greater reward. Both Life of Pi by Yann Martel and Django: Unchained
directed by Quentin Tarantino display many of the archetypes of the Heros Journey. In Life of Pi,

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Pi experiences a call to adventure, a return to the regular world, and bountiful rewards. In
comparison, Django goes through stages of the Heros Journey that are similar in many ways and
different in many other ways. These two stories, along with countless others, follow the Heros
Journey as if it were a sort of literary blueprint.
Life of Pi and Django: Unchained display a few stages of the Heros Journey in similar
ways. The first step of the Heros Journey in which these two stories show similarities is the
Assistance stage. In Life of Pi, Pi is assisted on his journey by his father and two men who went by
the same name: Mr Kumar. One of the Mr. Kumars was a Muslim baker. From him, Pi learned
about the importance of faith, which helped him overcome both the physical trials he faced on
his journey, and his own fear. The other Mr. Kumar was an atheist. From him, Pi became well
rounded, having a respect for both the secular and divine belief systems. Pis third teacher was
his father. From his father, Pi learned how dangerous all of the zoo animals are. He learned how
especially dangerous the tigers are. That knowledge is one of the tools that Pi can credit his
survival to. Similarly, in Django: Unchained, Django was assisted by Dr. King Schultz, a bountyhunter disguised as a dentist. Initially, Dr. Schultz liberated Django from his enslavement which
started Djangos adventure. Without Dr. Schultz, the story would not have happened at all.
Another stage of the Heros Journey that the two works have in common is the Result stage. The
result of Pis adventure is that he becomes master of surviving at sea by making it out of his
ordeal alive. Likewise, Djangos result is that he becomes master of bounty hunting by
eliminating all of his enemies. He also becomes a master of the real world in a sense, because he
becomes a free man and liberates his wife. The third stage that these two stories have in
common is the Return stage. On Pis return to the normal world, he is met with frustration,

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because people dont believe the story that he tells of his adventure. Djangos return is also met
with frustration as many people dont believe that he is a free man. Despite these trials and
tribulations, both Pi and Django triumphed over their adversaries in similar ways.
Even though Life of Pi and Django: Unchained have very comparable characteristics,
there are also a few differences in the ways they follow the Heros Journey. The first difference is
the Call to Adventure stage. In Life of Pi, Pi is reluctant in accepting his adventure. He doesnt
want to go to Canada to start a new life and he definitely doesnt want to be bound to a life boat
for hundreds of days. In contrast, Django vehemently accepts his adventure. He is very adamant
about becoming a free man and saving his wife. He doesnt think twice about it for a minute.
Another stage of the Heros Journey where Life of Pi and Django: Unchained contrast is the
departure. Similarly to the call to adventure, Pis departure was unintentional. His ship sank and
he was left as a castaway to fend for himself. Django departed from his normal world on
purpose. He was given the option to be free and help out the stranger who killed his master so
he took it. He left his old world to enter a mysterious new one and he prospered. The final area
where these two stories differ is between the goals and treasures that both characters in the
two works seek. Djangos ultimate goal is not only to be a free man, but rescue his wife from the
Candy Land plantation. In doing so, he kills everyone who gets in his way (and some who didnt)
and he ends up getting the girl. In Life of Pi, Pi wants only to make it out of his ordeal alive and
his treasure is his survival and his experience.
Although one story takes place in the deep south at the apex of the American slavery era
and the other sets its stage in the ocean in the 20th century, both Life of Pi and Django:
Unchained show many of the archetypal stages of the Heros Journey. Pi and Django both go

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through trials and tribulations that test the very fabric of their character and they gain treasures
that are immeasurable to those who didnt experience them. The literary skeleton of the Heros
Journey constructed these two stories and it is prevalent in many more in our society.

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PART THREE
Responding to Students
For this assignment, I responded with Suggestions on Google Docs. I added necessary
punctuation, deleted misused punctuation, commented on interesting observations and wellwritten paragraphs, pointed out awkward sections, and offered recommendations for how
students might reword particular sentences and phrases. I warned students ahead of time that I
would be leaving plentiful feedback. As seniors, this may be one of their last chances to receive
thorough feedback on a paper before going to college, and I wanted them to be aware of their
strengths and weaknesses as writers. In this way, students could seek help in particular areas
and make appropriate changes within their future products. The majority of my comments are
reflective of the social and evaluative orientations in particular (Sperling, 1996).
Student A: This students essay received numerous comments regarding Standard
English and formal essay conventions, requests for elaboration, and my expectations for
completing the assignment. At the end of his paper, I explained why the assignment was
incomplete and offered him an outline to use when revising the assignment. I also provided a
couple suggestions of how he might reword or rethink some of his confusing and/or awkward
sentences. I tried to be explicit about the areas he needs to revise, and through my suggestions
I hoped to give him guidelines and a structure for moving forward. He has not yet revised his
paper or approached me about my comments, so it is difficult to tell whether or not my
decisions were effective. I assume he will be frustrated when he notices his grade, but I hope
that he will understand my perspective and expectations as he reads through my comments
and suggestions. During the upcoming week or two, I will meet with this student, ask him to
read through my comments, and then conference with him, helping him to develop a paper
that is acceptable to us both. As always, the problem will be finding time in our schedules, but
this is a required assignment, one that this student needs to complete before he can receive a
grade in the class.
Student B: While reading this students essay, I left her a number of comments regarding
Standard English and formal essay conventions, requests for elaboration, and textual
inaccuracies. I also left suggestions for how to rephrase or rethink some of the more confusing
or awkward statements. While I left plenty of constructive feedback, I also highlighted the
things she did well. For instance, I wrote the following comment in response to her
introduction: Contains all elements of a good introduction. Nice job. Ideally, my feedback will
help this student to consider the importance of clarity and accuracy in ones writing. Until she
writes another paper (or rewrites this one), I will not know if my evaluative decisions were
effective. In all likelihood, this student will not revise her paper, but I hope to support her
growth as a writer through future mini-lessons on some of the structural elements of writing
and MLA citations.
Student C: In response to this students essay, I posted a variety of different comments.
Through my feedback, I praised his textual examples and well-written statements, directed his
attention to awkward/confusing sentences, and informed him about the standards of formal
writing. (For example, in one of my comments I told him to avoid contractions in a formal

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paper.) My intent was to provide the student with constructive advice that he could use within
his future writing. Although I drew attention to many of the aspects he did well, there is always
room for revision and growth, and I wanted to challenge him to think differently about some of
his phrasing. I believe my decisions were at least somewhat effective, as the student thanked
me for my thorough feedback and echoed my sentiments when I asked him if my comments
were helpful: Getting that kind of feedback is how you learn and improve, right?
Furthermore, this student will likely benefit from my future lessons on writing conventions and
citations. If we are able to incorporate peer editing workshops in the future, I may pair him with
a struggling student and take advantage of his strengths as a writer.
In the case of each student, my intent was to raise awareness and promote their growth
and thinking as writers. As I responded to the assignments, I exemplified multiple teacher-asreader orientations. For instance, I invoked the social orientation when I embraced the didactic
and teacherly role within my comments (Sperling, 1996, p. 23). This occurred when I reminded
students of textual events or asked them to elaborate on their thinking. Additionally, my
evaluative orientation is obvious within my feedback, as I assessed their ideas, organization,
style, and grammar. Looking forward, I plan on addressing several of these more common
areas for revision with the whole class. (Comma splices are first on my list!)
Informing My Future Practice
If I were to teach this unit and assignment again, I would prepare an actual assignment
sheet with a checklist of student responsibilities. Based on the conversations and questions I
received, I believe multiple students struggled with receiving directions over time. Therefore, it
may have been helpful to also combine all the instructions and requirements on a single page.
Students responded positively to my model introductory and concluding paragraphs, and
many used them as a guide for their own writing. As such, it may be helpful to model an entire
comparison essay for students. In this way, students could see my expectations regarding the
amount of textual details and use of vivid, specific language. We would discuss this model as a
class and highlight topic and concluding sentences, transitional words and sentences, and the
integration of relevant quotes.
Additionally, I would like to incorporate a day of peer-editing. Many students neglect
revising and editing, and workshopping should encourage more of these important parts of the
writing process. I may try to pair stronger writers with students who are struggling in one or
more areas, and during this time I could hold individual conferences with those students who
want more feedback and guidance.
As for my evaluation of students comparison essays, I believe I left too much feedback. The
amount of comments is not only intimidating (and possibly frustrating), but it also likely
dissuades many students from reading and internalizing my advice. If my comments encourage
students to improve their clarity, organization, and mastery of Standard English conventions, I
doubt that most students will know where to begin. However, if I limit my feedback to just one
or two areas, my expectations may seem more reasonable and achievable to students. Moving
forward, I would like to approach students products with a lens for feedback, meaning I will
only comment on the major aspects of the particular assignment. In this case, I should have

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focused more on the archetypal analysis and the essay organization. Other areas, such as
formal essay conventions and rules of punctuation, could be addressed with the class later.

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Sample of Student As Feedback

Sample of Student Bs Feedback

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Sample of Student Cs Feedback

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References
Sperling, M. (1996). Revealing the teacher-as-reader in response to students' writing. The English
Journal, 85(1), 22-26.