Running head: TURNING POINTS IN ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS

The Exploration of Turning Points in Online Relationships

Aaron R. Breuer
University of Wisconsin-La Crosse

Abstract

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This study focused on turning points in online relationships and the way in
which those who engaged in online dating reduced uncertainty regarding
self-reported important topics. The results of this study found that there were
a wide variety of self-reported turning points and important topics to discuss
with a potential partner as well as a general time frame for both partners to
agree to a physical meeting, overall honesty in self-representation and ways
to reduce uncertainty. The most common turning points described by
interviewees were: first contact, first contact outside of the dating site, first
physical meeting, and first contact following the first meeting. The most
important topics of discussion listed by interviewees were: common interests
and hobbies, compatible lifestyle and a mutually agreed upon direction and
expectations for the relationship. The most common time frame for both
parties to agree to a meeting was one to two weeks, after a series of direct
questions to reduce the uncertainty on important topics. This study also
found that a majority of people who engage in online dating present a highly
accurate amount of self-representation and seek a higher degree of honesty
from potential partners in comparison to traditional relationships.

The Exploration of Turning Points in Online Dating

Online dating use has grown with the availability of the internet. With
peoples lives becoming increasingly busy, they may turn toward the internet
and online dating. In fact, according to Broussard (2011) of Match.com, 40

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million people use an online dating service, which equates to about 40% of
the total United States single population. Likewise, according to the New
York Daily News, one-third of married couples met online (2013). Online
dating is also present in the lives of busy college students who split their
time between jobs, class, homework, sleep, and a social life. Online dating
allows students to meet and make contact in short durations and at their
convenience. The asynchronous communication format allows students to
pursue dating at their leisure. The asynchronous communication of online
dating is defined by Huang and Hsiao (2012) as online communication [that]
does not require the real-time participation of [those involved]" (p. 15). The
number of dating sites has also increased, and some of the more popular
sites include Match.com, Plenty of Fish, and OKCupid. The online format has
replaced the old fashioned print personals with advertisements via online
classifieds such as Craigslist or Backpage and advertising sites such as
Match.com and eHarmony on television.
The rise of internet dating has even spawned several books regarding
the Dos and Donts of online dating. Kingston (2009) is one example with
her book The Dating Game- Internet Style. Dating sites allow users to find
others who share a wide variety of unique interests, presenting a whole
medium for romantic communication. However, online dating also comes
with many questions and uncertainties, including possible deception of
online users. Along with uncertainty comes important firsts with this format,
such as deciding when or if to meet people face to face.

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The first meeting is an event that in relational research is known as a

turning point. According to Baxter (2001) in reference to Bolton (1961), A
turning point refers to a transformative event that alters the relationship in
some way (p. 4). In online dating, the first turning point will determine the
nature of the next decision, to continue the relationship or to terminate it.
While any number of factors may play a role in relationship decisions, the
purpose of this study is the turning point of the first physical meeting and the
results that follow.
Review of Literature
Communication research frequently focuses on relationships,
technology, and the communication associated with each. As the forum for
communication changes, there are numerous opportunities for new relational
research. Online dating is one of these opportunities. Recent research in
this area has focused on many different theories regarding online dating
such as uncertainty reduction theory, computer mediated communication
(CMC)/social information processing Theory (SIP) as well as a general interest
in who chooses to participate in online dating. Many studies such as
Antheunis, Schouten, Valkenburg, & Peter (2012) use both uncertainty
reduction and CMC, as do, Gibbs, Ellison, & Lai (2011) in their work. This
demonstrates a wide variety of different approaches towards online dating,
yet none have focused on turning point theory. For the current study, online
dating is defined by to Sautter, Tippett, & Morgan (2010) as the use of
websites that provide database of potential partners--typically in close

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geographical proximity--that one can browse and contact, generally for a

fee (p. 555).
The ability to meet new people and develop relationships online
extends to great distances and even across the world. However, there
comes a time when individuals may wish to meet to determine the direction
of the relationship. The first meeting clearly serves as a turning point. In
order to understand turning points in this context, other definitions and
literature include computer mediated communication (CMC), specifically in
regards to the social information processing theory (SIP), relationship
development Theory, and uncertainty reduction theory and turning point
theory.
Online Dating and Computer- Mediated Communication
Computer-mediated communication is defined by McQuail (2010) as
any communicative transaction that takes place by way of a computer,
whether online or offline, but especially the former (p. 552). This notion is
furthered by Ramirez, Zhang, McGraw, & Lin, (2007) who stated that
computer-mediated communication (CMC) is often used as means for
pursuing relational goals including relationship development and
maintenance (p. 493). This form of communication can lead to problems,
however, because according to Adkins & Brashers (1995), In a computermediated environment, language is especially important because the
information exchange process is conversational, yet a sender can only
encode a textual message (p. 289). In fact, according to Gill & Oberlander
(2003), Impressions of personality formed following task orientated

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synchronous computer-mediated communication found that they were less

detailed but more intense compared with those from face-to-face
communication (p. 457). Computer-mediated communication is the primary
medium through which all online dating communication takes place.
Therefore CMC must play a vital role in any research concerning the
communication of online dating and has rightly been one of the most
researched topics regarding online dating as is demonstrated by the
numerous studies presented above. While CMC covers a wide degree of the
communication that occurs in the online forum, social information processing
theory expands on the groundwork of CMC and helps further explain how
people present themselves online.
Social Information Processing Theory (SIP).
According to Walther, Deandrea, & Tong (2010), the social
information processing (SIP) theory of CMC (Walther, 1992) characterizes
CMC as adapting to the absence of nonverbal cues. (p 4) Walther et
al. state that those who engage in CMC change their language and timing to
express affective and socio-emotional messages. Their research also
established that when CMC users are so driven, they (a) adapt into
discourse information about themselves, their emotions, and their attitudes
(e.g., Walther, 2007; Walther, Loh & Granka, 2005), and (b) draw inferences
based on others uses of such cues in order to form impressions and develop
relationships (e.g., Ramirez, et al., 2007). (Walther et al., p 4) Walther et al.
2010, also reference research by: Gill & Oberlander, 2003, Adkins & Brashers,
1995, Selfe & Meyer, 1991, and Hancock, 2004 which have identified a

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variety of language cues that evoke a variety of personality impressions

online, such as: extraversion, power, status, sarcasm and irony, respectively.
More simply stated, SIP is a communication theory which stated
computer-mediated relationships can grow to be as strong as regular
relationships, just at a slower rate, roughly 4:1. This ratio is confirmed by
Hancock (2004) who stated CMC takes almost four times longer to complete
the tasks (p. 458). Walther et al. (2005) agreed relationships can develop
equally as strongly through CMC in comparison to face-to-face when they
stated that the use of emoticons and affective scripts by online game
players was a significant predictor of relationship development in that
environment, accounting for 14% of the variance in users frequency of
friendly or romantic relationships online (p. 37). As the internet rose to its
convenient nature, the way in which communication was conducted began to
change.
At the forefront of the research regarding internet communication was
Joseph Walther, the founder of Social Information Processing theory research.
Walther (1992) determined that through CMC, relationships can develop
through verbal and/ or text messages. The research on CMC/SIP has
continued to explore the effect of non-verbal cues, possibly deception in selfpresentation online and the difference between relational development
through CMC, in comparison to vocalized communication (Walther, et al.
2010). The research regarding CMC/SIP will play a large role in the future
research of this study through the results which indicated that CMC was able
to convey the same messages through different words and using symbols.

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Walther et al., (2010) also determined that even though CMC lacked nonverbal cues, interviewees were able to give even more in-depth responses to
questions in comparison to verbal responses.
The results of the study performed by Walther et al. 2010, also
indicated that there is the potential for people to over exaggerate and
embellish when communicating through an online medium. Embellishment
could lead to problems when the turning point of first physically meeting is
achieved, due to a disconnect between perception and reality. This
disconnect could lead to the turning point either continuing the relationship
towards officially dating or a termination of the current relationship. The
results of the study being performed will help future studies which seek to
understand relationships that form online and help determine the process
these relationships go through, specifically for this study in regards to the
first meeting between two people who met online. The development of
online relationships will be vital in establishing when someone feels as if
their online relationship has progressed to a point which warrants a first
physical meeting.
Online Dating and Uncertainty Reduction Theory (URT).
While there is uncertainty in all new relationships, those who begin
online seem to have a higher implementation of uncertainty reduction
strategies. Uncertainty reduction theory was first developed by Berger &
Calabrese in 1975 and has been a staple of communication research since
(Boucher & Jacobson, 2012, p. 652). According to Goldsmith (2001),
uncertainty reduction theory proposes the desire to reduce uncertainty

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predicts and explains how individuals communicate in initial interaction and

how relationship outcomes are related to communication patterns (p. 515).
Hoffman (2011), who studied the reasons why people decide to engage
in online dating: such as higher internet use as well as levels of general trust.
Studies, such as this, play an important role in future studies by knowing why
people decide to turn to online dating (such as busy lifestyles). It may be
easier to determine how their relationships will develop and likewise when
turning points occur.
Another study that has focused on both online and offline relationships
comes from Pauley and Emmers-Sommer (2007). The results of their study,
in supplementation of studies focused on the role Facebook plays in the
development of relationships both online and offline (Fox, Warber, &
Makstaller, 2013), will provide a great deal of information in how online
communication affects those involved and will allow for a better
understanding of when both parties will feel comfortable enough to reach the
turning points being researched.
Another aspect of online romantic relationships previously researched
and of interest is uncovering who is most drawn to participate in online
dating. According to Sautter et al. (2010), there are specific social
demographics drawn to online dating, such as college students. They also
argued Internet dating has grown rapidly (Sautter et al., 2010, p. 556).
Furthermore, they stated that as of 1999, only 2 percent of American
singles had used some form of online personals services [but] by 2002, one

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in four singles had used Internet dating services in their search for a
potential partner (Sautter et al., 2010, p. 556). This study not only justifies
the continued research of the phenomenon of online dating, but also allows
for a basis of determining which demographics are most likely to seek
romantic relationships through online means, and thus which group should
be targeted for my study.
Uncertainty reduction is one of the most used theories in regards to
online romantic relationships. Studies available on uncertainty reduction in
online relationships focus on the strategies used in online communication to
reduce uncertainty between parties, (see for example: Antheunis et al.
(2012); Gibbs et al., 2011). These studies addressed several active, passive,
interactive, and extractive strategies, examples respectively such as: Asking
a mutual friend for information, viewing an online profile, asking a potential
mate direct questions and Googling the name of a new love interest ; that,
coupled with self-disclosure in online relationships, allow for a better
understanding of the way in which the turning points, such as first meeting,
occur and how they are discussed by the parties involved (Gibbs et al., 2011,
p. 81). Uncertainty reduction for this study simply helps us to see what two
people need to meet physically for the first time. Perhaps they need to talk
and ask questions in order to reduce the uncertainty between them; once
their uncertainty is lowered to a point where the two people involved feel
they truly know one another, they will agree to physically meet, thus
achieving a turning point in their relationship. One study, by Antheunis,

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Valkenburg & Peter, 2010, has even tested models of uncertainty reduction
and social attraction between users communicating via social media sites.
This study has played an important role in understanding of when the turning
point to physically meet is going to occur and ultimately discussed.
While uncertainty reduction theory will not be directly tested in this
study by coupling it with turning point theory, it may be possible to
determine when people are comfortable enough with one another to
negotiate their first meeting. Because there is a large amount of research
regarding uncertainty reduction in online relationships, the results of the
research and methodology can be successfully applied to this study and built
upon to achieve a better understanding of when and why turning points are
going to occur.
Turning Points and Communication
While little research focuses on turning points and online dating, there
has been a vast amount of research regarding turning points in traditional
romantic relationships. For example, Baxter (2001) used turning point theory
as a basis to examine relational development in heterosexual romantic
relationships. Her study focused on how turning points are experienced in
heterosexual relationships and the significance of these turning points.
Baxter & Bullis (1986) discovered the presence of 26 unique turning points in
interviews with 80 people. This Baxter & Bullis (1986) study along with
Baxters (2001) study showed how turning points may affect commitment.
These studies provide the foundation for the current work in the field. In this

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case, the turning point of first meeting and future relational direction is
unique given the context of online dating communication.
A prior study by Baxter and Erbert (1999) examined turning points with
a similar methodology to Baxters afore mentioned work. Related
communication research on turning point theory and relational development
provide additional insight for the current study. Vaughan (1986) examined a
wide variety of turning points in intimate relationships and argued for
patterns across romantic demographics. The work was finished before the
age of the internet, but still has laid the groundwork for the research to be
applied to those dating online. The methodology for turning point theory has
been focused far and wide with the ability to encompass a large degree of
different types of turning points from meeting to breaking up (Dailey,
Rossetto, McCracken, Borae, & Green, 2012). There have also been studies
which use turning points to examine changes in relationships, such as by
Bullis, Clark, & Sline (1993). While most studies focusing on turning points
are authored by Baxter and are focused primarily on college age students,
this study by Bullis et al. (1993) recognized that there needs to be a wider
age range when taking the results of those studies and applying them to the
population as a whole.
In order to combat an overgeneralization based on studies focusing
only on college students, Bullis et al. (1993) used turning point theory in
regards to persons over the age of twenty-five in romantic relationships.
While many studies focus on turning points from beginning to end of a
relationship and the effects associated with these turning points, such as

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turning points resulting in a break-up and beyond (Kellas, Bean, Cunningham,

& Cheng, 2008), none incorporate these same types of turning points in
regard to online relationships. This lack of research leaves a major void in
communication research. The research currently being conducted furthers
existing work on turning points in romantic relationships and demonstrates a
need to expand the research to encompass online relationships. Previous
work fails to address the differences that may be present when these
relationships move from an online to physical forum, which is why the
research into turning points in online relationships is needed. These studies
have provided the foundation for future studies which can use their method
and procedures to apply this theory to new and developing forms of romantic
relationships, such as online dating.
Research Questions
From the literature reviewed, it is clear; there is a large amount of
research on the development of relationships online. Prior research has
focused on the development of online relationships, such as Kang and
Hoffman (2011), and Fox et al. (2013). However, the previous research has
failed to focus on when those involved in online relationships decide to not
only physically meet for the first time, but also decide to be become an
official couple or dismiss the relationship entirely. The first physical meeting
is a very important turning point because it likely determines the future
direction of the relationship. Turning points have been identified in a wide
variety of relationships, such as Bullis et al. (1993), Baxter (2001), and
Baxter and Bullis (1986), but have yet to be applied to the more recent

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phenomenon of online dating. As is true with any relationship, online

relationships, like their more traditional counterparts, have turning points
which can be observed and explored. This leads to the first research
question:
RQ1: What personal turning points are reported by participants who
use online dating websites as they consider their communication with
potential partners?
Once these turning points have been determined it is possible that the
first meeting may lead to a committed relationship or perhaps dissolution of
the relationship entirely. There are many factors that can influence this
decision such as honest representation of self and whether the parties
expectations were fulfilled or unfulfilled following the first physical meetings
between the two individuals.
RQ2: How do those who use online dating websites communicate
about meeting potential partners face-to-face?
Methods
For this research study a very simple yet strict methodology was
followed to ensure that I as the researcher performed a study that was not
only consistent and accountable but also easy to replicate. The first step in
my methods process was to create a series of questions in a semi-structured
interview form in order to most successfully address my research questions.
Following the completion of these questions I created an interview protocol
and informed consent which was designed to inform potential participants of
what to expect in terms of the interview as well as any potential discomfort

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that may arise. Next, I submitted these items to the Institutional Review
Board (IRB) for approval. Upon the approval of my proposal, I began to
recruit potential participants.
Participants
Following IRB approval I began the search for my participants through
Facebook as well as personal referrals. After receiving potential interviewees
I contact them through Facebook and text messaging to see if they were
interested in being interviewed for my study. I received eleven responses
indicating a willingness to participate in the interviews. This study had a
population which ranged from the age of 20 to the age of 45, with an
average age of 26.8. This study was performed with a nearly even ratio of
men to women but was a population consisting of only Caucasians, living in
South-West Wisconsin. For those that agreed to participate in the study I sent
them the informed consent form, which they then read, signed, dated and
sent back. After receiving the completed informed consent form I began
working with the interviewee to set up a time and form or location for the
interview.
Procedure
After determining a time and location/medium for completing the
interview I began to complete the interviews. A majority of my interviews
were completed via digitally recorded phone calls due to the relative ease
and complications in scheduling between the interviewee and myself. For
these interviews, I located myself in a small room with no external noises
and requested my interviewee do the same if possible. This allowed for
clearer recordings and less miscommunication due to outside noises. I also

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performed one interview via Skype Messenger and followed a similar

procedure as for the phone calls. However, for two of the interviewees the
interview was performed face to face. For these interviews I tried to find a
neutral and quiet site in order to ensure the least amount of distraction or
interruption. Both interviews were conducted on the University of Wisconsin
La Crosse campus, one in a small study room of Centennial Hall and the
other was conducted in a small room located in Murphy Library.
Analysis
Following the completion of the interview, I as the researcher, listened
to the audio recording of the interview and transcribed the interviews word
for word into text format. In this process I also established pseudonyms for
each participant to ensure confidentiality. At the completion of all the
interviews and all subsequent transcription, I printed each transcript and
read through them all several times in order to identify a variety of common
themes which helped to answer my research questions. I then cut out each
time an interviewee mentioned anything that related to a given theme. After
cutting out each utterance I pasted them onto notecards, which were labeled
with the pseudonym, interview number, interviewee age and gender. By
sorting these utterances into themes I was able to find common patterns of
interest and deduct from these patterns what factors were important to
those who used online dating, mostly in terms of how they communicated
and the turning points they felt were most important in their relationships.
This idea was inspired by Baxter (2001) who acquired her turning point data
by a retrospective interview technique (RIT). RIT is a process which asks

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each individual participant to identify all of the turning points in his or her
relationship since the time of first meeting (p. 8). Similar to Baxter (2001) I
waited until closure had been reached on the first turning point then
continued asking participants to identify in an identical manner the second
and all subsequent turning points up to the present ( p. 8). This organization
helped me discover which themes were most important, determined by the
number of utterances relating to each given theme. The theme with the
highest number of utterances was determined the most important and this
pattern was continued until no themes remained.
Results
The intention of this research project was to address two research
questions presented by the researcher which are What personal turning
points are reported by participants who use online dating websites as they
consider their communication with potential partners? And How do
participants who use online dating websites communicate about meeting
potential partners face-to-face?
Research Question One
The first research question focuses on the belief that once turning
points have been determined, it is possible that one of them, such as the
first meeting, may lead to a committed relationship or perhaps the
dissolution of the relationship. There are several factors which may influence
this decision such as honest representation of self by both parties as well as
whether the parties expectations were fulfilled or unfulfilled following the
first physical interaction.
Research Question 2

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The second research question looks to explore not only the medium of
communication which participants use but also what information needs to be
shared between the parties before they feel comfortable enough to meet the
other person physically.
Following the completion of the interviews and the subsequent
categorization of themes in the transcripts, five main themes were found
which related to the aforementioned research questions those being: Major
turning points in the development of online relationships, Reducing
uncertainty with online partners, Important topics of discussion, the amount
of time before discussing meeting, and finally honest self-representation.
These five themes were present in some way in nearly all of the interviews.
Turning Points
For the first theme Major turning points in the development of online
relationships interviewees discussed events they felt altered the direction
and/or nature of their online relationship. Many participants discussed the
first form of communication outside of the online meeting, for example if
they met on a dating site the first text message, phone call or becoming
friends on Facebook. Kelli, age 45, stated, We emailed back and forth for a
little while which was scary at first because he has my email. This sentiment
was echoed by Dale, age 24, who stated the big thing for me was always if
you can make the transition from maybe just messaging each other back and
forth to more texting or talking on the phone even.
There were several other turning points mentioned one of the most
important being the first physical meeting. According to Greg, 21, a major
turning point after the suggestion of a meet up would be the meet up itself.

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Laney, 24, agreed when asked about any turning points she could think of
she replied I would say that definitely when we first met in person and then
when we went out on an official date, that was another turning point.
A third turning point discussed by the interviewees was the end of the
first date or meeting in which the future direction of the relationship was
primarily determined. This could end in several ways, including termination,
such as what happened with Laurie, who decided to terminate the
relationship stating, in reference to the relationship It just wasnt what I
wanted and there was no spark and we wanted different things out of life.
However, on the opposite spectrum was Shayna, 44, who stated that after
the first date
I knew that I wanted to continue the relationship because he was
willing to drive three

hours, one way, just to see me and drive three hours

back and not push to stay

overnight or anything like that so there was no

question about that but it was I just

knew. We knew.

Uncertainty Reduction
The second major theme found throughout the interviews was ways in
which participants communicated and went about reducing the uncertainty
about not only the situation but also important information about the other
party. The major sub-theme regarding this main theme was the notion of
security measures. Participants often commented on the importance of
taking security measures in order to ensure that the other party was indeed
who they claimed to be. One interviewee, Joe, 20, stated that often times
when talking to people online You kind of just expect the worst. In order to

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combat this notion many described the importance of pictures, primarily in

the form of Snap Chat. This is demonstrated by Ally, 20, who stated Snap
Chat is nice because they have to send a picture in that moment and you
would be able to tell if they are snapping a picture of a picture. She also
mentioned the importance of Facebook stating, You can get a lot off
Facebook. She continued mentioning I think that Facebook really tells you a
lot about someone from what type of statuses they post and stuff. You can
kind of figure out how they treat other people and what they are involved
in.
Important topics
The third major theme of this study was the discussion of important
topics. This theme was classified by the participants listing off a variety of
topics they considered important to be discussed before any physical
meeting was agreed to. This encompassed a wide variety of topics ranging
from what potential partners were seeking, common interests to need to
know information. This was probably most well stated by Shayna, who said,
I wanted to make sure that we had the same values and I wanted to
make sure that

how I raised my kids was in line with how he raised his. I

knew that if two people tried to

make a blended family and their

parenting styles or their beliefs were complete opposites that it wouldnt

work. So I wanted to make sure our values were in sync and

that we had

enough interests in life that once the kids were grown and gone we would
be able to enjoy life together rather than just kind of look at each other
and say wow I

dont even know you anymore so we had enough in

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common that we could maintain a relationship even without that kid level
there. And I wanted to make sure he was a

person that would help me

raise my kids not just come into the relationship with me alone.
Time before meeting
The fourth theme that was found was the notion of time between the
first contact, such as on a dating site and when the parties first started
discussing and planning the first in person meeting. This topic was important
because it allowed for the interviewees to discuss the general timeframe as
well as progression between first contact and meeting. While there was a
wide range, anywhere between a few days and several months, the average
answer was approximately one to two weeks before it was discussed and
anywhere between a twenty-four hours and two weeks before the actual
date occurred. On the more immediate end was Loraine, 24, who reported
the topic of meeting was brought up within the first two days. On the
extensive end, was Shayna, who stated we first started talking in June and
we didnt even start talking about meeting until early November/late
October. However, the average amount of time reported was between one
and two weeks. This time frame was reported by several interviewees, such
as Dale, who said that he and his partner started talking about meeting up
a week and a half or so after we started talking. This implies that generally
enough information is exchanged within the first week of communication to
warrant an in person meeting.
Honesty in self-representation
The Fifth and final theme discovered by this study was the notion of
honesty. This theme was quite unique because nearly all the participants

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expressed a general fear that the person they were talking to online would
be misrepresenting themselves in some way. However, this study found that
a much higher percentage of people were genuine versus disingenuous. Greg
stated that
Contradictory as it may seem and using the internet and the
anonymity of it when

searching for people like that, it seems like the

people I met online craved honesty

more than the people I met in real

life.
This sentiment is echoed by Angie, 22, who reported having met over 30
people from an online forum that people are pretty accurate. And that
usually you have a pretty good sense of how the person is. In fact, Daryl,
27,a man who had over 50 first meetings with people from online claimed, I
only had two times that were bad, like somebody used a picture of
themselves from like ten years ago or something and they dont look
anything like their picture anymore. So overall, a general degree of honesty
in self-representation was reported.
Discussion
This study was able to discover a vast amount of information regarding
online dating, specifically focused on turning points as well as uncertainty
reduction in online dating. The first theme of turning points which
encompassed a wide variety of topics informed the researcher that turning
points are quite unique to each situation and every person. While there were
a few turning points that continually came up such as the first contact
outside the site, exchanging of personal information such as a telephone
number, as well as the first meeting and contact following the first meeting

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each situation developed differently. The turning points also seemed to

happen in a variety of different orders which indicates that turning points are
not only based on the situation but on the different needs and desires of
those involved.
The second theme regarding uncertainty reduction actually offered the
opposite of the results found in regards to the turning point theme. There
was a large degree of consistency between responses. Most people indicated
a direct line of questioning in order to make sure the two parties were
compatible before attempting to continue further. This point was
demonstrated by Shayna who stated that her questions were very direct; I
wanted to know and so did he She continued describing that:
We wanted to make sure that the kids in his life were going to be okay
with all of this

so we asked very direct pointed questions that led to some

very deep, very heated

discussions at times about what we believe

and what we dont

Interviewees also discussed the use of Facebook, text pictures/Snap Chat,
Google, online court system and word of mouth. This means that with the
advancement of technology the resources used to reduce the uncertainty
grow. This could lead to an even larger increase in the use of online dating in
the future, an idea explored previously by Kang et al. (2011), a study which
examined predictors of online dating use.
The third theme was the discussion of topics people felt were
important. Most people also discussed the importance of common interests
and common goals, at least in terms of relationship direction, as well as the
importance of discussing, family and jobs or school. The topics reported

TURNING POINTS IN ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS

24

were relatively similar and were not unlike those discussed in traditional
relationships. This means that even though online relationships are created
through non-traditional means, the general concepts required to start a
romantic relationship do not change and are perhaps in fact more prominent
as they are discussed prior to any physical meeting.
The final two themes of time and honesty were two of the more
interesting and perhaps surprising of the bunch. Surprisingly, participants
reported on the most consistent basis that they were willing to address the
potential of meeting within a week to two week span. This meant that their
level of trust became high enough in that week to meet someone who they
had never actually met. This means that enough uncertainty was reduced
through a variety of means in the week for a participant to feel comfortable
and safe enough to meet a complete stranger. There was also a pattern that
newer technologies seemed to play a large role in this decision. This notion
has also been found in previous research in regards to Facebook and Google,
by Fox et al. (2013) and Gibbs et al. (2011) respectively. Through the ability
to send pictures as well as video chat from the safety of their own homes the
uncertainty was greatly reduced. Furthermore, this in turn seems to have led
to a greater deal of honesty from participants of online dating. With the
development of these newer technologies people are less able to falsely
represent themselves and are better able to show a potential partner who
they truly are and may in fact allow people to demonstrate who they are
more clearly than in traditional relationships.

TURNING POINTS IN ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS

25

The first research question of this study was What personal turning
points are reported by participants who use online dating websites as they
consider their communication with potential partners? This research
question was focused on discovering what major events those who
participated in online dating felt were most important. For this question,
many people listed specific events they felt were major turning points but
also touched on many other events which could be considered turning points
even when they did not explicitly state them. This research question allowed
for this study to determine many of the events that generally take place
before someone is willing to meet or pursue a relationship with a person
whom they first met online. This encompassed not only after the first contact
online but also before. Many reported that they viewed the other persons
profile before deciding if there was any potential interest. Surprisingly, very
few participants mentioned any regard to physical attractiveness. In fact, Ally
stated this about people who were seeking just physical attraction:
Well like some of them the messages were more about like appearance
wise and that

was not really, that was what threw me off. Like someone

who is not very interested in a real relationship, more of just like hanging
out kind of thing.
After the first physical meeting, however, most participants agreed the
relationships progressed the same way as any traditional romance would
with the exception of the informing others of how they met.
The second research question was How do participants who use online
dating websites communicate about meeting potential partners face-to-

TURNING POINTS IN ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS

26

face? This research question was very encompassing and was really seeking
to discover what criteria participants of online dating look for and discuss
before agreeing to meet a complete stranger for the first time in person. This
question was very broad and ultimately was able to discover a wide variety
of different criteria that those engaging in online relationships report as
important in meeting a potential mate. This allowed for the discovery of the
topics which people discuss, the amount of time it takes before people feel
comfortable enough to meet as well as a general level of honesty from the
person that an individual represents themselves to be online in comparison
to the person they actually are.
Limitations
The major limitations of this study are primarily the demographics of
the participants. Those who participated in this study were all Caucasian and
residents of the South-West portion of Wisconsin. This means that many of
the participants had similar upbringings and likely similar ideals of the
region. By incorporating a greater amount of diversity in terms of ethnicity
and location, there may be a greater diversity of important topics or degrees
of honesty in representation. Another limitation of this study was the
average age. All participants were between the ages of 20-45, with the
heaviest emphasis from 20-24. By incorporating those ages 18-19 as well as
a larger degree of those 24 and above a new study may find different results
in terms of time taken before meeting or important topics to discuss before a
first meeting.
Future Studies

TURNING POINTS IN ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS

27

Future research on this topic can build upon the results presented here
by expanding on the themes found in this study as well as incorporating a
larger and more diverse population. Future studies may also benefit for a
more systematic approach to the idea of the role that new technologies are
playing in the realm of online dating specifically in regards to the turning
point of first physical meeting as well as the degree of honesty reported by
those who engage in online dating. As these technologies improve and those
who are better able to use them begin to develop an interest in dating, and
turn to non-traditional forms such as online dating to fulfill this interest;
researchers may find new levels of reported honesty or developments in the
amount of time between first contact and the willingness to physically meet.
As technology expands so too will the population able and willing to use
online dating, thus creating a larger research pool which may yield new
results or a greater degree of confirmation in the results presented above.

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Appendix
Interview Protocol
1) Could you please identify the turning points in your relationship from first contact to now and
describe how you were feeling at each point/what lead to the development of these turning
points? (RQ 1)
2) What factors led to you agreeing to the turning point of the first meeting/date? (RQ1/2)
How long did you talk before the subject of meeting was discussed? (RQ 2)
What topics did you feel were most important to discuss before agreeing to physically
meet and
how did you reduce uncertainty regarding these topics? (RQ2)
3) What were you feeling prior to the first meeting and how did this affect the communication
between the two of you, specifically in regards to reducing uncertainty? (RQ2)
4) What were you feeling during the first meeting? (RQ3)
Did this have any impact on the communication during the date? (RQ2)
5) What were you feeling after the first meeting (turning point)? (RQ3)
How did this affect the future direction of your relationship? (RQ 3)
6) How did first meeting affect your relationship with the other person? (RQ3)
7) How did your first meeting affect your opinion of the other person? (RQ3)
Did you decide to continue or discontinue your relationship on a romantic level and
why? (RQ3)
Clearinghouse:
Is there anything I missed or anything you would like to add?
Is there anyone you might suggest for an interview on this topic?