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Abstract
This study focused on turning points in online relationships and the way in
which those who engaged in online dating reduced uncertainty regarding
self-reported important topics. The results of this study found that there were
a wide variety of self-reported turning points and important topics to discuss
with a potential partner as well as a general time frame for both partners to
agree to a physical meeting, overall honesty in self-representation and ways
to reduce uncertainty. The most common turning points described by
interviewees were: first contact, first contact outside of the dating site, first
physical meeting, and first contact following the first meeting. The most
important topics of discussion listed by interviewees were: common interests
and hobbies, compatible lifestyle and a mutually agreed upon direction and
expectations for the relationship. The most common time frame for both
parties to agree to a meeting was one to two weeks, after a series of direct
questions to reduce the uncertainty on important topics. This study also
found that a majority of people who engage in online dating present a highly
accurate amount of self-representation and seek a higher degree of honesty
from potential partners in comparison to traditional relationships.
million people use an online dating service, which equates to about 40% of
the total United States single population. Likewise, according to the New
York Daily News, one-third of married couples met online (2013). Online
dating is also present in the lives of busy college students who split their
time between jobs, class, homework, sleep, and a social life. Online dating
allows students to meet and make contact in short durations and at their
convenience. The asynchronous communication format allows students to
pursue dating at their leisure. The asynchronous communication of online
dating is defined by Huang and Hsiao (2012) as online communication [that]
does not require the real-time participation of [those involved]" (p. 15). The
number of dating sites has also increased, and some of the more popular
sites include Match.com, Plenty of Fish, and OKCupid. The online format has
replaced the old fashioned print personals with advertisements via online
classifieds such as Craigslist or Backpage and advertising sites such as
Match.com and eHarmony on television.
The rise of internet dating has even spawned several books regarding
the Dos and Donts of online dating. Kingston (2009) is one example with
her book The Dating Game- Internet Style. Dating sites allow users to find
others who share a wide variety of unique interests, presenting a whole
medium for romantic communication. However, online dating also comes
with many questions and uncertainties, including possible deception of
online users. Along with uncertainty comes important firsts with this format,
such as deciding when or if to meet people face to face.
Walther et al., (2010) also determined that even though CMC lacked nonverbal cues, interviewees were able to give even more in-depth responses to
questions in comparison to verbal responses.
The results of the study performed by Walther et al. 2010, also
indicated that there is the potential for people to over exaggerate and
embellish when communicating through an online medium. Embellishment
could lead to problems when the turning point of first physically meeting is
achieved, due to a disconnect between perception and reality. This
disconnect could lead to the turning point either continuing the relationship
towards officially dating or a termination of the current relationship. The
results of the study being performed will help future studies which seek to
understand relationships that form online and help determine the process
these relationships go through, specifically for this study in regards to the
first meeting between two people who met online. The development of
online relationships will be vital in establishing when someone feels as if
their online relationship has progressed to a point which warrants a first
physical meeting.
Online Dating and Uncertainty Reduction Theory (URT).
While there is uncertainty in all new relationships, those who begin
online seem to have a higher implementation of uncertainty reduction
strategies. Uncertainty reduction theory was first developed by Berger &
Calabrese in 1975 and has been a staple of communication research since
(Boucher & Jacobson, 2012, p. 652). According to Goldsmith (2001),
uncertainty reduction theory proposes the desire to reduce uncertainty
in four singles had used Internet dating services in their search for a
potential partner (Sautter et al., 2010, p. 556). This study not only justifies
the continued research of the phenomenon of online dating, but also allows
for a basis of determining which demographics are most likely to seek
romantic relationships through online means, and thus which group should
be targeted for my study.
Uncertainty reduction is one of the most used theories in regards to
online romantic relationships. Studies available on uncertainty reduction in
online relationships focus on the strategies used in online communication to
reduce uncertainty between parties, (see for example: Antheunis et al.
(2012); Gibbs et al., 2011). These studies addressed several active, passive,
interactive, and extractive strategies, examples respectively such as: Asking
a mutual friend for information, viewing an online profile, asking a potential
mate direct questions and Googling the name of a new love interest ; that,
coupled with self-disclosure in online relationships, allow for a better
understanding of the way in which the turning points, such as first meeting,
occur and how they are discussed by the parties involved (Gibbs et al., 2011,
p. 81). Uncertainty reduction for this study simply helps us to see what two
people need to meet physically for the first time. Perhaps they need to talk
and ask questions in order to reduce the uncertainty between them; once
their uncertainty is lowered to a point where the two people involved feel
they truly know one another, they will agree to physically meet, thus
achieving a turning point in their relationship. One study, by Antheunis,
Valkenburg & Peter, 2010, has even tested models of uncertainty reduction
and social attraction between users communicating via social media sites.
This study has played an important role in understanding of when the turning
point to physically meet is going to occur and ultimately discussed.
While uncertainty reduction theory will not be directly tested in this
study by coupling it with turning point theory, it may be possible to
determine when people are comfortable enough with one another to
negotiate their first meeting. Because there is a large amount of research
regarding uncertainty reduction in online relationships, the results of the
research and methodology can be successfully applied to this study and built
upon to achieve a better understanding of when and why turning points are
going to occur.
Turning Points and Communication
While little research focuses on turning points and online dating, there
has been a vast amount of research regarding turning points in traditional
romantic relationships. For example, Baxter (2001) used turning point theory
as a basis to examine relational development in heterosexual romantic
relationships. Her study focused on how turning points are experienced in
heterosexual relationships and the significance of these turning points.
Baxter & Bullis (1986) discovered the presence of 26 unique turning points in
interviews with 80 people. This Baxter & Bullis (1986) study along with
Baxters (2001) study showed how turning points may affect commitment.
These studies provide the foundation for the current work in the field. In this
case, the turning point of first meeting and future relational direction is
unique given the context of online dating communication.
A prior study by Baxter and Erbert (1999) examined turning points with
a similar methodology to Baxters afore mentioned work. Related
communication research on turning point theory and relational development
provide additional insight for the current study. Vaughan (1986) examined a
wide variety of turning points in intimate relationships and argued for
patterns across romantic demographics. The work was finished before the
age of the internet, but still has laid the groundwork for the research to be
applied to those dating online. The methodology for turning point theory has
been focused far and wide with the ability to encompass a large degree of
different types of turning points from meeting to breaking up (Dailey,
Rossetto, McCracken, Borae, & Green, 2012). There have also been studies
which use turning points to examine changes in relationships, such as by
Bullis, Clark, & Sline (1993). While most studies focusing on turning points
are authored by Baxter and are focused primarily on college age students,
this study by Bullis et al. (1993) recognized that there needs to be a wider
age range when taking the results of those studies and applying them to the
population as a whole.
In order to combat an overgeneralization based on studies focusing
only on college students, Bullis et al. (1993) used turning point theory in
regards to persons over the age of twenty-five in romantic relationships.
While many studies focus on turning points from beginning to end of a
relationship and the effects associated with these turning points, such as
that may arise. Next, I submitted these items to the Institutional Review
Board (IRB) for approval. Upon the approval of my proposal, I began to
recruit potential participants.
Participants
Following IRB approval I began the search for my participants through
Facebook as well as personal referrals. After receiving potential interviewees
I contact them through Facebook and text messaging to see if they were
interested in being interviewed for my study. I received eleven responses
indicating a willingness to participate in the interviews. This study had a
population which ranged from the age of 20 to the age of 45, with an
average age of 26.8. This study was performed with a nearly even ratio of
men to women but was a population consisting of only Caucasians, living in
South-West Wisconsin. For those that agreed to participate in the study I sent
them the informed consent form, which they then read, signed, dated and
sent back. After receiving the completed informed consent form I began
working with the interviewee to set up a time and form or location for the
interview.
Procedure
After determining a time and location/medium for completing the
interview I began to complete the interviews. A majority of my interviews
were completed via digitally recorded phone calls due to the relative ease
and complications in scheduling between the interviewee and myself. For
these interviews, I located myself in a small room with no external noises
and requested my interviewee do the same if possible. This allowed for
clearer recordings and less miscommunication due to outside noises. I also
each individual participant to identify all of the turning points in his or her
relationship since the time of first meeting (p. 8). Similar to Baxter (2001) I
waited until closure had been reached on the first turning point then
continued asking participants to identify in an identical manner the second
and all subsequent turning points up to the present ( p. 8). This organization
helped me discover which themes were most important, determined by the
number of utterances relating to each given theme. The theme with the
highest number of utterances was determined the most important and this
pattern was continued until no themes remained.
Results
The intention of this research project was to address two research
questions presented by the researcher which are What personal turning
points are reported by participants who use online dating websites as they
consider their communication with potential partners? And How do
participants who use online dating websites communicate about meeting
potential partners face-to-face?
Research Question One
The first research question focuses on the belief that once turning
points have been determined, it is possible that one of them, such as the
first meeting, may lead to a committed relationship or perhaps the
dissolution of the relationship. There are several factors which may influence
this decision such as honest representation of self by both parties as well as
whether the parties expectations were fulfilled or unfulfilled following the
first physical interaction.
Research Question 2
The second research question looks to explore not only the medium of
communication which participants use but also what information needs to be
shared between the parties before they feel comfortable enough to meet the
other person physically.
Following the completion of the interviews and the subsequent
categorization of themes in the transcripts, five main themes were found
which related to the aforementioned research questions those being: Major
turning points in the development of online relationships, Reducing
uncertainty with online partners, Important topics of discussion, the amount
of time before discussing meeting, and finally honest self-representation.
These five themes were present in some way in nearly all of the interviews.
Turning Points
For the first theme Major turning points in the development of online
relationships interviewees discussed events they felt altered the direction
and/or nature of their online relationship. Many participants discussed the
first form of communication outside of the online meeting, for example if
they met on a dating site the first text message, phone call or becoming
friends on Facebook. Kelli, age 45, stated, We emailed back and forth for a
little while which was scary at first because he has my email. This sentiment
was echoed by Dale, age 24, who stated the big thing for me was always if
you can make the transition from maybe just messaging each other back and
forth to more texting or talking on the phone even.
There were several other turning points mentioned one of the most
important being the first physical meeting. According to Greg, 21, a major
turning point after the suggestion of a meet up would be the meet up itself.
Laney, 24, agreed when asked about any turning points she could think of
she replied I would say that definitely when we first met in person and then
when we went out on an official date, that was another turning point.
A third turning point discussed by the interviewees was the end of the
first date or meeting in which the future direction of the relationship was
primarily determined. This could end in several ways, including termination,
such as what happened with Laurie, who decided to terminate the
relationship stating, in reference to the relationship It just wasnt what I
wanted and there was no spark and we wanted different things out of life.
However, on the opposite spectrum was Shayna, 44, who stated that after
the first date
I knew that I wanted to continue the relationship because he was
willing to drive three
knew. We knew.
Uncertainty Reduction
The second major theme found throughout the interviews was ways in
which participants communicated and went about reducing the uncertainty
about not only the situation but also important information about the other
party. The major sub-theme regarding this main theme was the notion of
security measures. Participants often commented on the importance of
taking security measures in order to ensure that the other party was indeed
who they claimed to be. One interviewee, Joe, 20, stated that often times
when talking to people online You kind of just expect the worst. In order to
that we had
enough interests in life that once the kids were grown and gone we would
be able to enjoy life together rather than just kind of look at each other
and say wow I
common that we could maintain a relationship even without that kid level
there. And I wanted to make sure he was a
raise my kids not just come into the relationship with me alone.
Time before meeting
The fourth theme that was found was the notion of time between the
first contact, such as on a dating site and when the parties first started
discussing and planning the first in person meeting. This topic was important
because it allowed for the interviewees to discuss the general timeframe as
well as progression between first contact and meeting. While there was a
wide range, anywhere between a few days and several months, the average
answer was approximately one to two weeks before it was discussed and
anywhere between a twenty-four hours and two weeks before the actual
date occurred. On the more immediate end was Loraine, 24, who reported
the topic of meeting was brought up within the first two days. On the
extensive end, was Shayna, who stated we first started talking in June and
we didnt even start talking about meeting until early November/late
October. However, the average amount of time reported was between one
and two weeks. This time frame was reported by several interviewees, such
as Dale, who said that he and his partner started talking about meeting up
a week and a half or so after we started talking. This implies that generally
enough information is exchanged within the first week of communication to
warrant an in person meeting.
Honesty in self-representation
The Fifth and final theme discovered by this study was the notion of
honesty. This theme was quite unique because nearly all the participants
expressed a general fear that the person they were talking to online would
be misrepresenting themselves in some way. However, this study found that
a much higher percentage of people were genuine versus disingenuous. Greg
stated that
Contradictory as it may seem and using the internet and the
anonymity of it when
life.
This sentiment is echoed by Angie, 22, who reported having met over 30
people from an online forum that people are pretty accurate. And that
usually you have a pretty good sense of how the person is. In fact, Daryl,
27,a man who had over 50 first meetings with people from online claimed, I
only had two times that were bad, like somebody used a picture of
themselves from like ten years ago or something and they dont look
anything like their picture anymore. So overall, a general degree of honesty
in self-representation was reported.
Discussion
This study was able to discover a vast amount of information regarding
online dating, specifically focused on turning points as well as uncertainty
reduction in online dating. The first theme of turning points which
encompassed a wide variety of topics informed the researcher that turning
points are quite unique to each situation and every person. While there were
a few turning points that continually came up such as the first contact
outside the site, exchanging of personal information such as a telephone
number, as well as the first meeting and contact following the first meeting
were relatively similar and were not unlike those discussed in traditional
relationships. This means that even though online relationships are created
through non-traditional means, the general concepts required to start a
romantic relationship do not change and are perhaps in fact more prominent
as they are discussed prior to any physical meeting.
The final two themes of time and honesty were two of the more
interesting and perhaps surprising of the bunch. Surprisingly, participants
reported on the most consistent basis that they were willing to address the
potential of meeting within a week to two week span. This meant that their
level of trust became high enough in that week to meet someone who they
had never actually met. This means that enough uncertainty was reduced
through a variety of means in the week for a participant to feel comfortable
and safe enough to meet a complete stranger. There was also a pattern that
newer technologies seemed to play a large role in this decision. This notion
has also been found in previous research in regards to Facebook and Google,
by Fox et al. (2013) and Gibbs et al. (2011) respectively. Through the ability
to send pictures as well as video chat from the safety of their own homes the
uncertainty was greatly reduced. Furthermore, this in turn seems to have led
to a greater deal of honesty from participants of online dating. With the
development of these newer technologies people are less able to falsely
represent themselves and are better able to show a potential partner who
they truly are and may in fact allow people to demonstrate who they are
more clearly than in traditional relationships.
The first research question of this study was What personal turning
points are reported by participants who use online dating websites as they
consider their communication with potential partners? This research
question was focused on discovering what major events those who
participated in online dating felt were most important. For this question,
many people listed specific events they felt were major turning points but
also touched on many other events which could be considered turning points
even when they did not explicitly state them. This research question allowed
for this study to determine many of the events that generally take place
before someone is willing to meet or pursue a relationship with a person
whom they first met online. This encompassed not only after the first contact
online but also before. Many reported that they viewed the other persons
profile before deciding if there was any potential interest. Surprisingly, very
few participants mentioned any regard to physical attractiveness. In fact, Ally
stated this about people who were seeking just physical attraction:
Well like some of them the messages were more about like appearance
wise and that
was not really, that was what threw me off. Like someone
who is not very interested in a real relationship, more of just like hanging
out kind of thing.
After the first physical meeting, however, most participants agreed the
relationships progressed the same way as any traditional romance would
with the exception of the informing others of how they met.
The second research question was How do participants who use online
dating websites communicate about meeting potential partners face-to-
face? This research question was very encompassing and was really seeking
to discover what criteria participants of online dating look for and discuss
before agreeing to meet a complete stranger for the first time in person. This
question was very broad and ultimately was able to discover a wide variety
of different criteria that those engaging in online relationships report as
important in meeting a potential mate. This allowed for the discovery of the
topics which people discuss, the amount of time it takes before people feel
comfortable enough to meet as well as a general level of honesty from the
person that an individual represents themselves to be online in comparison
to the person they actually are.
Limitations
The major limitations of this study are primarily the demographics of
the participants. Those who participated in this study were all Caucasian and
residents of the South-West portion of Wisconsin. This means that many of
the participants had similar upbringings and likely similar ideals of the
region. By incorporating a greater amount of diversity in terms of ethnicity
and location, there may be a greater diversity of important topics or degrees
of honesty in representation. Another limitation of this study was the
average age. All participants were between the ages of 20-45, with the
heaviest emphasis from 20-24. By incorporating those ages 18-19 as well as
a larger degree of those 24 and above a new study may find different results
in terms of time taken before meeting or important topics to discuss before a
first meeting.
Future Studies
Future research on this topic can build upon the results presented here
by expanding on the themes found in this study as well as incorporating a
larger and more diverse population. Future studies may also benefit for a
more systematic approach to the idea of the role that new technologies are
playing in the realm of online dating specifically in regards to the turning
point of first physical meeting as well as the degree of honesty reported by
those who engage in online dating. As these technologies improve and those
who are better able to use them begin to develop an interest in dating, and
turn to non-traditional forms such as online dating to fulfill this interest;
researchers may find new levels of reported honesty or developments in the
amount of time between first contact and the willingness to physically meet.
As technology expands so too will the population able and willing to use
online dating, thus creating a larger research pool which may yield new
results or a greater degree of confirmation in the results presented above.
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Appendix
Interview Protocol
1) Could you please identify the turning points in your relationship from first contact to now and
describe how you were feeling at each point/what lead to the development of these turning
points? (RQ 1)
2) What factors led to you agreeing to the turning point of the first meeting/date? (RQ1/2)
How long did you talk before the subject of meeting was discussed? (RQ 2)
What topics did you feel were most important to discuss before agreeing to physically
meet and
how did you reduce uncertainty regarding these topics? (RQ2)
3) What were you feeling prior to the first meeting and how did this affect the communication
between the two of you, specifically in regards to reducing uncertainty? (RQ2)
4) What were you feeling during the first meeting? (RQ3)
Did this have any impact on the communication during the date? (RQ2)
5) What were you feeling after the first meeting (turning point)? (RQ3)
How did this affect the future direction of your relationship? (RQ 3)
6) How did first meeting affect your relationship with the other person? (RQ3)
7) How did your first meeting affect your opinion of the other person? (RQ3)
Did you decide to continue or discontinue your relationship on a romantic level and
why? (RQ3)
Clearinghouse:
Is there anything I missed or anything you would like to add?
Is there anyone you might suggest for an interview on this topic?