PREFACE

DISCLAIMER

This book is designed to provide information and motivation to our readers. It is sold
with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged to render any type of psychological, legal, or any other kind of professional advice. The content of each chapter and
video is the sole expression and opinion of its author, and not necessarily that of the
publisher. No warranties or guarantees are expressed or implied by the publisher's
choice to include any of the content in this volume. Neither the publisher nor the individual author(s) shall be liable for any physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or
commercial damages, including, but not limited to, special, incidental, consequential
or other damages. Our views and rights are the same: You are responsible for your
own choices, actions, and results.
All of the information presented in this book is for educational and resource purposes only. It is not a substitute for or an addition to any advice given to you by your
physician or health care provider. Before making any changes to your lifestyle, diet or
exercise habits and before implementing any information from this book or the videos
contained within it, you must consult your physician. Please understand that you are
solely responsible for the way information from this book and the videos contained
within are perceived and utilized and you do so at your own risk. In no way will the
author or any persons associated with this book be held responsible for any injuries
or problems that may occur due to the use of this book or the advice contained within.

ii

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

The following people had a tremendous influence on this book, and without their
time and generosity the book would not be the same: Peter Senn Yuen, Sandy
Humenuk, Michael Hausler, Mike Moosbrugger, Mary Scott, Kim Wilson, Patrick
Donohue, Sandy Fiore, Vanessa Fiore, Maya Fiore, Nala Fiore, Joe Fiore, Carol
Fiore, Bill DiGiacomo, Matt DiGiacomo, Phil Vinogradov. Thank you all.

iii

 2015 by Adam Fiore

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the publisher
except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
www.adamfiorehealth.com

iv

YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL

Recently I was in the middle of my typical Monday morning routine. This meant
that I woke up at 5:40 AM to return a few emails from the night before, woke my
family up at 6:00 AM so we could enjoy breakfast together, took my dog for her
morning walk at around 7:30 AM, and then answered more email and returned phone
calls from my home office between 8:30 and 9:55 AM. Between 9:55 and 10:00 AM, I
unsuccessfully tried to convince my wife to take a quick break from her work to have
sex with me. One of these days she's going to say yes.
5

Most weekdays at around 10:00 AM, I drive to the gym for my daily workout.
One of the things I truly love about being at the gym between 10:00 and 11:00 AM is
that there tends to be quite a few entrepreneurs working out at that time of day, and I
enjoy hearing their stories as well as getting inspiration for ideas and opportunities
related to my own business.
On this particular Monday morning, as I was driving to the gym I passed the car
of a good friend of mine who was on his way to work. We both slowed our cars a little
and rolled down our windows. He shouted, "Are you on your way to the gym?", and
when I nodded he shouted again, "You're living the dream!!".
My friend is 100% correct. I am living the dream and I have been for the past
several years. Living the dream is much more than simply having a lot of money or
having your health, because both of those things can be taken from you in an instant.
Living the dream means having a balance of health, happiness, and financial and
professional success. It means knowing in the deepest depths of your core that you
have the ability to overcome any obstacle, no matter how devastating or unexpected.
And it means having special relationships with people whom you can share the
lifestyle with. Living the dream is a lot of fun but it's simply not enough for me
anymore. I want to share this lifestyle with others so that they can experience what it
feels like to be healthier, happier, and more successful. I want to share this lifestyle
with you.
One of the things that inspired me to write this book was a quote I read from
serial entrepreneur, Peter Diamandis, who said: "The world's biggest problems are
also the world's biggest business opportunities. Today anyone who is passionate
about solving a problem can make a dent in it".1 Diamandis was encouraging
entrepreneurs to take big swings at the world's biggest problems.
Stephen Hawking, the renowned physicist, recently said that the greatest threat
to humankind is our own behavior, and that we need to replace aggression with
empathy, which brings us together in a peaceful loving state.2
So while other entrepreneurs are trying to solve the world's biggest problems by
making technological advances, I believe we must first address the changes that need
6

to be made within ourselves. Because technology in the hands of a sane peaceful

society is a wonderful thing, but technology in the hands of an insane violent society is
just going to amplify the insanity.
We currently live in a society where the majority of people are either unhealthy,
unhappy, or unsuccessful. Just watch the evening news and you will see that disease,
depression, and poverty are all major problems affecting our society.
And yet, there seem to be more books than ever geared toward helping us
become healthier, happier, and more successful. With this wealth of information
available at our fingertips, why doesn't it seem to be working?
The reason it's not working is that teaching people how to become healthy,
happy, and successful is not enough. We need to inspire people if we want them to
commit to making real meaningful changes in their lifestyles. In other words,
inspiration is what allows us to overcome obstacles. One thing that inspires people is
learning from those who have overcome similar challenges to their own.
I anticipate that some people will want to know what makes me qualified to help
them become healthier, happier and more successful. I wrote this book because I have
experienced the pain that comes from being unhealthy, unhappy, and unsuccessful (I
discuss this in great detail in Chapters 2, 4 and 5). Over the past few years I have:

had to endure the immense stress that comes from leaving a safe secure
job to start my own small business

had to deal with the shock and fear of having my wife be diagnosed and
treated for breast cancer

had to overcome a legal battle that consumed most of my time and

threatened to shut down my small business

And yet, none of these ordeals came close to breaking me or my family. In fact, I
have continued to become healthier, happier and more successful in spite of these
challenges. By trial and error, I have developed a road map that anyone, regardless of
7

age, sex, or income level, can follow to find health, happiness, and success. Today I
am one of the healthiest, happiest people you'll ever meet and I own and manage a
successful business that affords me an outstanding quality of life. This doesn't mean I
don't have bad days; it just means that my good days far outnumber the bad ones, and
even the bad days aren't as painful as they once were.
I'd like you to use your imagination for a minute. Just imagine if:

at the age of 46 you could look AND feel better than you did at 21

you could work from home or the beach or anywhere you want, and
have the freedom and flexibility to have more time to do whatever it is that you're
truly passionate about

you could make more than enough money to enjoy an excellent quality
of life AND put money away for a secure retirement

you knew you could handle any obstacle that came your way, no matter
how devastating or unexpected

your most important relationships had more depth and meaning,

including your relationship with yourself

To many people this probably sounds like a fantasy, but I can tell you beyond a
shadow of a doubt that having all of these things is possible and that it does NOT
require any special talent or being born into a wealthy family.
I can tell you this because I have all of these things in my life right now, and I
was NOT born into a wealthy family and I had never been an above average performer
in any job I'd held....until I developed this road map to health happiness and success.

This road map to health, happiness, and success is divided into four quadrants:
Overcoming obstacles
Fitness and nutrition
Healthy relationships
Rewarding career
Each of these four quadrants will have a whole chapter devoted to it. Each
chapter will begin with real world examples of how that particular quadrant can make
or break your efforts to become healthier, happier, and more successful. Next I will
outline the steps I have taken to master that particular quadrant (as well as the
challenges I faced along the way). And finally I will interview a subject matter expert
for that particular quadrant and share their expert advice. It is crucial to note that
each one of these four subject matter experts are living examples of what it's like to
live a healthy, happy, and successful lifestyle. They are not just teaching people
something they learned in college or grad school; they are inspiring people with
strategies that have worked in their own personal lives, as well as in the lives of their
clients.
In Chapter 2, we will discuss how the inability to overcome obstacles is the
number one reason that most people are unsuccessful in trying to achieve a healthier,
happier and more successful lifestyle. The examples you'll read of the obstacles faced
by both myself and former professional football player, Mike Moosbrugger, will surely
resonate as they will be similar to obstacles that we all have to face at one time or
another (although the obstacles that Mike had to overcome go far beyond anything
I've ever had to deal with). You will come away from this chapter inspired and
equipped with the ability to overcome any obstacle in your life.
In Chapter 3, we will go in-depth into the fitness and nutrition plans that will
deliver life-changing results, with the help of an incredible personal trainer and fitness
professional, Mary Scott. In addition to Mary's detailed advice, I will be sharing the
workout that has been delivering amazing results for me, as well as the foods and
meals I've been eating. Every exercise in the workout I share will be supported by a
video demonstration embedded right into the book. I'm 46 years old and Mary is 50,
and both of us look and feel better than we did at 21. Both men and women of all ages
will come away from this chapter with everything they need to look and feel better
than they did at 21 as well.
9

Some people have asked me, "Why even include Happiness in the title of the
book? After all, it goes without saying that if you're healthy and successful then you're
going to be happy". Well, that's not necessarily true. I can think of many people I've
known, both men and women, who were fanatical about their fitness and successful in
their career, yet they seemed to be perpetually trying to fill a void in their lives by
trying to buy happiness. These people were missing one key quadrant from the road
map: healthy relationships. In Chapter 4, we will sit down with an expert in the field
of healthy relationships, Kim Wilson, to discuss how our relationships with our family,
friends, co-workers, and ourselves can have an enormous impact on our health,
happiness and success. For example, I love the fact that social media can connect us
and allow us to share with others who may be thousands of miles away. But social
media can also have a negative effect on our relationship with ourselves. Many people
begin to tie their self-worth to how many friends they have on Facebook or how many
people "like" their posts. When you post something on social media, you should try
thinking of it like a message in a bottle that you're throwing into the ocean. If what
you posted comes from a place of good intention, then it will end up finding the right
audience. There's no need to check back to see who liked your post and there's no
need to tie your self-worth to how much attention you receive on social media. Don't
look back. Don't look forward. Just look around. You'll be amazed at what you've
been missing.
Others have said to me, "If I'm healthy and happy, then who cares about
success"? It is true that if you could only pick two of the three, then healthy and happy
would be the best combination. However, being unsuccessful in your career can put a
financial strain on both your health and your happiness, and there is no rule that says
you can't have health, happiness, AND success. The ideal situation is to maintain an
even balance between all three, so that your health helps feed your happiness and
success, and your success helps feed your health and happiness, and so on. If your life
becomes too heavily weighted in any one of these three areas, it will have a negative
impact on the other two, so the key is to maintain a healthy balance between all three
areas. In Chapter 5, we will sit down with a true expert in the field of rewarding
careers and starting your own business, Patrick Donohue. Patrick and I will both go
into detail about the challenges we faced in trying to balance a successful career with
an enjoyable quality of life. We will also both discuss our "aha" moment, when we
realized that it was a fear of risk that was holding us back from living the lives that we
10

always wanted. You will come away from this chapter with an understanding of what
it is that's been holding you back from success, and exactly what you need to do in
order to balance financial success and security with a quality of life that you've only
dreamed of.
The beauty of life lies in the adventure. Ironically, the adventure is what scares
the crap out of many people, so they try to plan everything. They even try to plan their
adventures. You can't plan an adventure. It's like when you try to plan an epic night
out with your friends...and it doesn't live up to expectations. The epic nights happen
when you least expect it. Life is the same way. Stop trying to plan it and JUST GO
LIVE IT.
The reason I chose a photo of me skydiving at 14,000 feet for the cover of my
book is that the idea of making major lifestyle changes is probably as scary as jumping
out of a plane for most people. However, unlike jumping out of a plane, there is no
danger in making the lifestyle changes I recommend in this book. The only danger is
in allowing your fear of change to keep you from living the life you've always dreamed
of. So go ahead and jump. You'll be so glad you did.
A few years ago, my good friend, Matt DiGiacomo, lost his life in a car accident.
He hadn't even turned 30 years old yet and he left behind a loving wife and four
beautiful young children. Matt was one of my inspirations for writing this book because he truly was healthy, happy, and successful. I am donating a portion of the
profits from the sales of this book to Brave Hearts for Strong Minds
(www.braveheartsforstrongminds.org), a 501(c)(3) charitable organization that raises
college education funds for young children who have lost an income-earning parent.
After Matt's death, Brave Hearts for Strong Minds raised and collected generous
donations which all went to the college funds of the four young children he left behind.
So when you buy a copy of this book, you are not only doing something wonderful for
yourself, but you are also helping a young child who has to make it in life without an
income-earning parent.
For those who are willing to take an honest assessment of where they are now,
this road map will show you exactly what needs to be done to become healthy, happy,
and successful. I hope you enjoy the book and all the wonderful benefits that come
from putting it into practice.
11

12

OVERCOMING OBSTACLES
Most people want to go directly to fitness and nutrition as the first quadrant they
read about. This makes sense since our society is obsessed with instant gratification.
However, the reason overcoming obstacles is the first quadrant is because it is the
most important quadrant on the road map to health, happiness, and success. Without
having mastered the skills necessary to overcome obstacles, the other three quadrants
are practically meaningless because it is inevitable that you will encounter obstacles,

13

and if you cannot overcome those obstacles you will forfeit any progress you made in
the other three quadrants.
Obstacles are inevitable. Here are just a few examples of obstacles you may
encounter while trying to become more healthy, happy, and successful:
Your spouse, significant other, or friends start giving you a hard time about
exercising and eating healthy (mainly because it draws attention to the fact that they
don't exercise or eat healthy).
You sustain some type of injury that prevents you from exercising.
You are forced to put more hours in at your job, leaving you less hours to
exercise.
Your family welcomes a baby into this world and your entire schedule is
thrown out the window. Suddenly there's no time to slip away to the gym for a
workout.
You or someone you love is diagnosed with a serious disease, such as cancer,
and suddenly exercise seems trivial.
I have personally witnessed many friends and acquaintances who have made
New Years resolutions, gotten themselves into great physical shape, and then stopped
exercising because they ran into one of these obstacles. All progress is then lost and,
even worse, a negative mindset is developed around exercise. I've heard these friends
say "I'm just not an exercise person". But I tell them "you're just a person who hasn't
learned how to overcome obstacles yet".
For most of my 30's I was a pharmaceutical sales rep. I had plenty of time to
exercise but eating healthy was a real challenge for me. Almost every day of the week I
was bringing a catered lunch to my doctors offices, and I didn't have the will power to
keep from eating too many sandwiches, cookies, etc. Then at least a couple nights a
week I was taking doctors out for dinner and drinks and, again, I just didn't have the
will power to keep from eating big meals and desserts. I didn't look unhealthy because
I was spending a lot of time in the gym (too much actually), but I felt like shit and I
knew my body and brain deserved better than the garbage I was feeding them.
On the weekends I would recharge and refuel. I remember coming up with a
plan to eat healthier. Since I was the one ordering the catered lunches, I would order
something healthy for myself and then get the usual sandwich tray and cookie tray for
the rest of the office. At dinners I would order the healthiest thing on the menu and
14

refrain from eating those rich desserts. It all sounded very simple in theory and I truly
had a strong desire to change my eating habits, but I just couldn't do it. Even when I
ordered something healthy for myself at lunch, I would still grab an extra sandwich or
two from the sandwich tray and I couldn't stop eating those damn cookies either.
Same thing for dinners. I would start out with good intentions, but after a couple
glasses of wine I was ordering the heaviest meal on the menu and chasing it down with
a slice of cheesecake. It was an extremely difficult obstacle for me to overcome and it
had me questioning my own will power.
So how did I overcome this obstacle? By taking an honest assessment of my
abilities and coming to the realization that, at that moment, I did not have the will
power to make healthy choices in my current environment. So what did I do? I
changed my environment. I left my job as a pharmaceutical sales rep and took a job as
an executive recruiter (there will be a lot more detail on this job change in
Chapter 5 - Rewarding Career). This job change meant that I no longer needed to put
myself in daily situations where I was surrounded by large amounts of free unhealthy
foods.
Did this mean that I was suddenly obstacle-free when it came to eating healthy in
my new environment? Absolutely not. Now that I worked 8AM to 6PM hours in an
office, my new routine consisted of hustling to the gym for a 40 minute workout
during my lunch hour, and then picking up something healthy to eat for lunch on my
way back to the office. Since I no longer had to entertain clients for dinner, I was able
to eat healthy dinners every night with my family at home. This new system began
paying immediate dividends, as my physique became leaner and more muscular and
my brain became much clearer and more efficient. However, as I said earlier,
obstacles are inevitable. The old obstacles, which I no longer had to deal with, simply
were replaced by new obstacles.
Most of the other recruiters in my office would all go to lunch together at the
Cheesecake Factory or one of the other local restaurants. Being the new guy in the
office and also drawing attention to myself by not joining in on these group lunch
outings, I naturally got made fun of quite a bit. It was exactly the kind of obstacle that
leads many people to give up on their healthy aspirations, just so they don't have to be
teased by their co-workers and friends. Luckily, I have always possessed one of the
most important traits one can have for overcoming obstacles: I don't give a shit what
15

other people think or say about me. That's when I realized that everyone has their
own strengths and weaknesses when it comes to overcoming obstacles. For some
people it would be relatively easy to make healthy eating choices when surrounded by
an assortment of free unhealthy foods, yet for me it was practically impossible.
However, for some people it's extremely difficult to "go against the crowd" and get
teased by their friends, yet for me it was relatively easy. The key is to take an honest
assessment of your current abilities to overcome obstacles, and then put yourself in an
environment where you have the best chance to be successful. By the way, within one
year I had become the top-earning recruiter in the office, and no one was laughing at
me anymore (My income had quadrupled from the time I left pharmaceutical
sales...again, more on this subject in Chapter 5 - Rewarding Career). In fact, several
other top earners who had been part of the Cheesecake Factory crowd began joining
me at the gym during lunch hour.
I've also had to overcome one of the most common obstacles when it comes to
exercising and eating healthy, when my wife and I welcomed our two daughters into
the world. Many people who were once in great physical health, stop caring for
themselves as soon as they have to start caring for a baby. My wife, Sandy, and I had
the same crazy life-changing experience that everyone else has when our first
daughter was born. Our schedules went out the window and we didn't sleep much. I'd
say for the first three or four weeks neither Sandy or I made it to the gym at all, and we
ate more take-out meals than we normally do. And then one day, with our nerves a bit
frazzled, Sandy and I looked at each other and said, "What are we doing here?". Our
baby daughter deserved to have us at our best, and we both knew that in order to be at
our best we needed to be exercising and eating healthy. So we came up with a plan
that would allow each of us to get to the gym for a quick workout, and we committed
to eating healthier again. The key was that we did more than simply come up with a
plan; we committed to each other to execute the plan. The plan worked well and when
our second daughter was born we knew exactly how to overcome that obstacle.
Perhaps the toughest obstacle that I've had to overcome is when Sandy was
diagnosed with breast cancer in the summer of 2012. When you find out that
someone you love as much as life itself has cancer, a million thoughts flood your mind
and it becomes incredibly hard to focus. The first 24 hours after Sandy was diagnosed
was probably the most difficult 24 hours of my life. We were both experiencing

16

feelings that ranged from fear to anger to confusion, and all the while we had to try to
put on a calm front for our daughters who had no idea what was going on.
To say that exercising and eating healthy were the last things on my mind would
be an understatement. The only thing I was focused on was how I could help Sandy
overcome her bout with cancer. Luckily, Sandy became my rock. After her own initial
feelings of fear, anger, and confusion, Sandy became very calm and very confident that
she was going to win her battle against cancer. Sandy and I made a commitment to
each other to begin eating even healthier (lots of kale and healthy greens), and we
both started exercising with an even greater purpose.
Today, Sandy has been cancer-free since her surgery in 2012. She is literally in
the best shape of her life (she's HOT) and I honestly believe that her laser-like focus
on exercise and eating healthy was instrumental in her battle against cancer. More
importantly, she has set an amazing example for our two daughters who witnessed the
entire journey: when life throws you a scary obstacle like cancer, you don't give up
and spend your days complaining about it. You stare that obstacle in the face
(meaning you accept that it's there) and you come up with a plan and you execute it.
There's no point in hating cancer and complaining about cancer, in fact, hating
something and complaining about it is detrimental to your health. The point is if you
or one of your loved ones is dealing with an obstacle like cancer, you cannot let it take
over your life. In order to have a chance against a disease like cancer, you must be at
your best. And to be at your best, your body and brain must be in peak condition.
I hope I've been able to inspire you with some of the obstacles I've had to
overcome on my journey to health, happiness, and success. However, none of the
obstacles I've encountered can even come close to what you are about to read. My
good friend, Mike Moosbrugger, would be considered a healthy, happy, successful
person by anyone's standards. Mike is a former professional football player, was a
star athlete at Wake Forest University, and is currently a managing partner of a
successful private equity firm, as well as a managing partner of a successful retained
executive search firm - and he's still only in his mid-30's! But what's truly remarkable
is to consider Mike's success in light of the fact that he's had to overcome more than
just an obstacle. Mike has endured and excelled in spite of the fact that he's had to
overcome the most horrible tragedy you could possibly imagine. I'll let him tell you
about it.
17

Interview with Mike Moosbrugger on overcoming obstacles

AF: Mike, thanks so much for offering to be a part of this book. I know that your
story will inspire countless others to commit to overcoming their own obstacles, which
will allow them to discover health, happiness, and success. In your own words, please
tell us about yourself, your journey, and how overcoming obstacles has played a major
role in your life. Also, if you can offer any advice to our readers on what they need to
do to overcome their own obstacles, that would be great.
MM: No problem and I'm happy to help! Ive always found it crazy that the
worst thing to ever happen to me, stuff made of nightmares, is also the best thing that
ever happened to me...talk about a trip!
I was blessed to be the youngest of 4 children to the best set of parents a kid
could ever ask for. We were the consummate All-American family; Dad ran a
successful business, Mom took care of the kids, and we listened to our parents. As I
mentioned, I was the youngest, my sister Michelle was next, 3 years my senior,
followed by my brother Tommy, and the oldest being my sister Christine. Though
separated by 7 years, Tommy and I were pretty inseparable. We looked alike, acted
alike, were both athletic, and as a young man I idolized my brother. To me he was like
a superhero and it always seemed like everything he touched turned to gold.
Fast forward to my senior year in high school in 1997 and I had truly come into
my own in the athletic department. I was fortunate enough to be one of the best
players in the state of Pennsylvania and was nationally ranked in the country by
several publications and was being aggressively recruited by top division one schools.
In a move that surprised many people, I spurned the Notre Dames, Penn States, and
Wisconsins of the world to sign a full scholarship with Wake Forest University in
North Carolina. For me the choice was simple: I get to play big-time division one
football in the ACC, I get one of the best educations that money can buy, and if it so
happens that I was blessed enough to get a shot at the NFL, I figured if I play well
enough they will find me. My plan fell right into place as I entered my senior season at
Wake. I was a senior closing in on 25+ consecutive starts at offensive guard, I was on
18

pace to graduate in December, and I was told by the coaches that myself and several of
my teammates all had a good shot of getting a chance to play in the NFL. As a 21 year
old kid, life does not get much better than that!
I spoke to my father every Tuesday morning at 9 am on the dot. It had been that
way for 4 years, and we never once missed a day and never once did that call happen
at 9:01am. It was 9:00am sharp! We would talk about how I played after reviewing
the film from Monday nights team session and he would tell me how many tickets I
needed to provide for the following Saturday, who was coming, and when he was
traveling. To this day, its one of my fondest memories because my father was like a
little kid when it came to college football. He was the ultimate fan.
October 30th 2001, I woke up to be ready to speak to my Dad at 9:00 am and the
call never came. So I reached out to his cell and got no answer. I called our house and
got no answer. I called his office and no one had heard from him. Immediately I
knew something was wrong. I was supposed to take midterms that day and I skipped
them all and sat in the football office with my coaches trying to track down my Dad or
Mom and we couldnt find anyone. Ultimately it came time for me to go to practice, so
I had no choice but to shut it down, pray things were ok, and go head out to the fields.
I finished practice, showered, and was walking to my car with my teammate and one
of my best friends, Vince Azzolina, when I picked up a voicemail from my sister asking
to call her at home. Finally! I thought, "Ill get some answers as to what the heck is
going on", as I dialed my sisters house. After a ring or two, she answered and I asked
what was going on. But she couldnt even speak. In typical fashion, I started to get
angry and pressed the issue, demanding to know what was up. I heard a barely audible
whisper from my sister Christine, Theyre gone Michael...everyone is gone.... I had
no clue what she was talking about. I got angrier and asked her what the hell she was
saying to me, when my brother-in-law, Michael Harte, came on the phone and told me
I was booked on the redeye flight tomorrow morning and I had to come home. There
had been an accident, and my father, mother and brother Tommy were all gone. I fell
to the ground as Vince asked me what was wrong. I vaguely remember Vince grabbing
the phone, and my brother-in-law telling him what happened as he rushed to the
football dining hall to tell the coaching staff.
The next 24 hours are a blur that ended up with me going to home to find out
that my brother, my best friend, my superhero, had fatally shot and killed our parents
and then wrote a note and took his own life.
19

I came to find out that my brother, Tommy, had a drug problem. He was
abusing cocaine, and he had been dealing with this for some time, as had my family.
They had intentionally kept this from me because they wanted my focus to be on
graduation and hopefully the NFL, and they didnt want any distractions. Not a single
day goes by where I dont wonder what the outcome would have been had I only
known. Would they all still be alive? Would I still have a family? Would my football
career not have ended so abruptly? I thought Id sign a multi-year deal with an NFL
team, but I found myself playing for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers in the Canadian
Football League for 2 years before I got injured and was out of the game for a year. Ill
be honest to those that read this...my body was broken but that wasnt why I stopped
playing. It was that my heart was broken. I was completely and totally dead inside.
The joy of football was gone. I was barely existing and certainly wasnt living. Any one
of my friends will tell you that Im a unique guy in the sense that I really dont have
that thing inside of us that makes me feel lonely, in fact, I generally enjoy my time
alone. After this tragedy though, I felt something that is hard for me to codify into
words, even all these years later. Imagine existing but feeling absolutely nothing. No
love, no anger, no hate, no sadness...just pure complete and total nothingness...
So now Im injured, my family is gone, my football career is gone, and my
identity is gone. It wasnt long before I started to use more and more pain pills until it
got to a point where I was taking literally fistfuls of pain killers every day. Vicodin,
Percocet, Oxycontin...you name the painkiller and I'd take it to numb myself. To
really blow your mind, NO ONE knew I was doing this. Not my family, none of my
friends, so I guess for any of them who are reading this, its my coming out party in
that respect.
One night, I was sitting in my living room having just come home from riding my
motorcycle. I was doped on painkillers and I decided it was time to make a change.
My idea of change was to write a letter to my family and friends and decide it was
time to stick a gun in my mouth and take my own life. So I did. I stuck a pistol into my
mouth and with zero pause or hesitation, I pulled the trigger...
Nothing happened. I pulled the gun out and looked at it in amazement. I
remember saying out loud, What the hell?, and then it hit me. I was so
drugged up that I never put the clip into the gun. So when I chambered the
weapon, I never had a clip or bullets in it, so all I got was a dry fire.
20

I sat there until the following morning and just stared. Apparently it wasnt my
time to go. I couldnt believe it...for the first time in years, I actually felt something:
sadness and disgust with myself, and I bawled uncontrollably until I finally fell asleep.
I woke up the next day and looked in the mirror at a face that I didnt recognize. I
dumped every single pill in my house down the toilet and then I got myself clean.
Imagine having food poisoning for days on end and vomiting non-stop. Being hot
and cold at the same time and having everything hurt. I detoxed myself in the privacy
of my own home without anyone knowing. I never thought Id find myself on the
cold floor of my bathroom with my head in the toilet, but I did.
I started this segment out by telling you that my tragedy was both the worst thing
and the best thing that ever happened to me. That may sound a bit confusing so let
me explain. Its the worst for obvious reasons, but its also the best because Im totally
liberated from fear or angst about what my future holds. Ive been to hell, had a good
look around, and decided to come home because there was so much more to life.
Nothing will ever come around in this life time that will be worse than what I went
through as a 21 yr old young man. Something might equal it for sure, but I KNOW I
can get past it now with what Ive learned. Here is what Ive learned and I hope it
helps you:
1. Dont run from pain...run to it.
I realize this sounds counter-intuitive, but theres a method to this madness and
Im speaking from experience. If you push those feelings down like I did, they are
going to come out at a later date and they are going to come out in a much worse way
than if you had just felt them right from the start. God forbid you were diagnosed with
an illness, say cancer, would you ignore it and hope it would go away? Of course you
wouldnt but you also wouldnt take the first opinion you got in order to address it.
Any pain youre feeling is the same thing...feel it organically....dont over feel it or
under feel it....just let it come on. If you need to cry, then cry...if you need to yell, then
yell, and so on and so forth. Be strong....this pain will be useful to you someday so feel
it!

21

2. Take responsibility.
My situation was a horrible tragedy and I know my brother would have done
anything to take it back. That said, no one forced me to react the way that I did. Over
the years, Ive spoken to many groups and I've listened to many stories and there is
one immutable truth that none of us can get rid of: we cannot control what happens
to us; we can only control our reaction to what happens. Talk to anyone and they will
tell you my behavior was justified because of what I went through, but frankly, thats
bullshit. It only set me back from living my life and honoring the memory of my
family, and had I felt my pain in the first place Id be in a better place even today. Take
responsibility for YOUR life and how you react to the challenges life throws at you.
It's just testing you to see if youll run or fight back. Fight back always!
3. Talk to someone.
I dont care who it is: friend, spouse, boss, doctor....talk to someone... anyone.
Its the only way you'll gain perspective on what you're going through. Youll be
shocked that when you come to someone and speak to them from the heart,
EVERYONE will listen intently and try to give you insight that can help you. Worst
case, it will be cathartic for you just to talk about it. Dont shut down like I did, or it
will come back to haunt you. At some point that bill will always come due.
4. Be bold.
As I mentioned before, you dont have to just sit back and take the shit life
throws at you with a smile on your face. Its ok to get angry. Its ok to say
ENOUGH! I firmly believe that is one of the best things you can do in
situations where youve hit a rut or had a tragedy...stand up and say
ENOUGH. Youre amazing. Each and every one of us on this planet has the same
fire that burns inside to want to be better. You just have to tap into it and you can do
it. Dont sit back and wait for someone else to do it. Be your own humble inspiration.
5. Give fake friends the boot.
This is one of my favorites and for anyone who knows me, they will tell you its
true. Sometimes you just need to figure out who your real friends are and then tell the
22

fake ones to stay out of your life. Fake friends aren't good for you, and shame on you
if you allow them to drag you down to their level. If you dont respect and love
yourself enough to not let negative emotional vampires suck you dry, then youve
already lost because youre trying to avoid becoming something that you already are.
Set boundaries and demand that people adhere to them. No one knows you better
than you, and you are uniquely positioned to instruct people what you need and how
to best help you. This is something that I failed to do and it left me so alone that I cant
even begin to articulate it in words that would do it justice. Value yourself and set
boundaries, and have expectations of other people. Youll be surprised at the response
you get when you can do this.
I truly believe in the things that I've shared with you and I hope you've found
some value in hearing my story. Thank you for the privilege of your attention, and I
wish you all the best moving forward. In closing I'd like to recognize a few people who
if they weren't in my life I wouldn't be here writing this: Christine and Mike Harte,
Mora and Brendan Harte, Jay, Patrick, Stone, Azz, Kiz, Matt, Adam, Doc, GP, and
Dawn. Thank you all for not giving up on me and helping me grow as a person. I'll
never forget the impact you've had on my life.

23