1

Alethia Russell
ENGL 4200
Train Wrecked
Steam rose from the warped brown mug, hand-painted with smiley faces and sun rays
around the simple name "Alyssa" as the nimble hand tried to hold the coffee pot steady. She
tightly held her face, but she couldn't have been further concentrated on anything but the coffee
pot. I had never seen her look so tired. Every now and then, she would brush a wisp of hair
behind her ear and the knot of hair at the nape of her neck as if she were checking to see if it
were still there. The salt and pepper look of her hair seemed to age her more than normal next to
the dim light from the kitchen windows bouncing off her skin. I remember when her gray was
the stunning look like Stacey from What Not to Wear, paired with her equally inspired
wardrobe. But now she just looked tired. Like her jeans could stand to be taken in a size or two.
My mom managed to move our entire lives in three weeks almost entirely by herself. I
still couldnt believe my old life was gone.
"Mom, the coffee! Mom! Look at the coffee!" I said.
"Sorry, dear. I'm so sorry, Mom said. Where's your sister?" she said.
"She's coming," I said. I walked to the coat closet and rummaged for the pink pea coat
Alyssa specifically requested for today.
The pitter patter of Alyssa's feet joined us in the kitchen soon after I emerged from the
coat closet.
"Hey, sweetie, you should probably wear your rain boots and then pack those flats to
change into okay?"
"Okay."

My mom reached her arm out to grab Alyssa's coat from me. I moved her out of my way
and bundled Alyssa up myself.
"Sarah said she was wearing her pink coat today, so I wanted to wear MY pink coat
today, because I think mine is prettier," she said.
"Well yours is prettier, but how about we get to the bus stop shall we?" Mom said. I took
extra care to walk at least 10 paces ahead of them despite the calls of Alyssa for her Junie to slow
down. We stopped at the bus stop and mom took one last look over.
"If you have any problems or any questions just ask someone, she said. Don't be afraid.
Junie look after your sister."
I stood arms crossed, iPod in hand, looking off into the distance.
"Junie. June Bug." Mom reached out pulling an ear bud from my ear.
"Oh my gosh would you stop? I'm 16 not five, stop calling me June Bug. Yes. I'll look
after her, I sighed. Now can you move? The bus is coming around the corner. I'm already
embarrassed enough."
My last mutter came unexpectedly. I didn't mean to say that. Ive already done so much.
Mom looked surprised but her lips remained sealed. A tug on the coat from Alyssa softened the
sting of my crass remark. Mom said, One day youll like it here Jupiter. Youll see.

Its cold here, but not like up north. I heard it hardly ever snows down this way. Its just a
dry coldness - the kind that stings your cheek. I sat in the courtyard at school waiting on the first
bell to ring. I watched the girls running toward each other with giddy greetings of How was
your break?! and Did you guys go to the concert?. This used to be my favorite time of the day
at Cedar Creek High. It seemed so foreign to me now. I had barely spoken to my mom since the
accident except to issue instructions for Alyssa. Sometimes I think the accident hurt her more

than it hurt me, or Anna. After all, she practically gave up everything to give us a fresh start. She
has always tried to protect me, and I think the weight of me is finally getting to her. I think the
weight of it will eventually get to me.
I hopped off the table at the sound of the first bell, swinging my backpack to my
shoulder. I heard an oomph and the sound of falling notebooks and fluttering pages.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I heard as I looked to see what I had hit. A pale, redheaded girl
fumbled for her papers occasionally uttering excuse me while the people who had so giddily
greeted each other chuckled in passing her. I bent down to help her pick the papers up and looked
into blue eyes that could steal even the hardest of hearts.
Her eyes darted to the ground and she muttered what may have been a thank you.
Im so sorry, I said. Are you okay?
Yeah, she said. Im fine.
She stepped forward as if to walk away briskly, and in my attempt to leave I blocked her
way. We both went the opposite direction only to bump each other again. As we stood the silence
increased around us, and she said, Uuhh . . . Amberly.
What? I said.
Amberly. My name is Amberly. She held her hand out and said, Its nice to meet you.
Oh, of course. Thanks, Im Jupiter. Yes like the planet. You can call me Junie.
I stood in the January air as the last bell rang for us to enter homeroom. I fumbled
through my tote for my class schedule, holding the paper close to my face and peering around the
courtyard for the correct entrance. Mere seconds had passed when I looked up and the girl was
gone. Some introduction.

The top of the school morning felt impersonal. My teacher didnt acknowledge that a new
student had transferred in, not that I cared. I shuffled through the cafeteria lines at lunch and
found a table to sit at outside. The North Carolina cold was nothing like Massachusetts. I felt
comfortable. Well, at least until I met Caroline. The blonde girl in the tracksuit walked up to my
table in her cheerleader-like voice saying Is anyone sitting here?
I shook my head no but for something in her nature made it clear to me that Caroline was
not the company I should keep. Caroline felt like trouble. Trouble I knew all too well.

Caroline had a glimmer about her. It wasnt the glimmer or glow of a good tan, it was
more of a sparkle in her pale skin. She looked icy, but at the same time there was a warmth that
took my breath and made me want to lean in to feel if she were really as cold as she looked.
So I heard youre the new girl from Boston, she said.
I cleared my throat and nodded, but she looked like she wanted more. So I spoke up.
Yes, actually, I am. Howd you know that?
Oh, I have my sources, she said. I work in the guidance counselors office. I saw your
file.
I froze. What did the file say exactly? Did it say anything about the accident? About the
charges? About the . . . never mind. As the whirl wind of panic built up, I looked for an excuse to
leave the table. Nothing.
You know, Im having a party tonight, Caroline said. You should definitely come by
and meet some people.
Oh no thanks, I have this thing with my mom tonight. Besides, Im not a party person. I
wouldnt add anything to your party, I said standing slowly. Caroline shot up from her seat
placing her hand down to bar mine as I lifted my lunch tray from the table.

Oh, Jupiter. . . That is your name right? You dont strike me for a fool. Its going to be
the hottest party of the year, at least until I have another party. I insist. She leered at me behind
her perfect bangs, switching her head to the side so it fell out of her eyes.
So was the last party I went to I thought.
Well just give me an address. Ill see what I can do, I finally managed to choke up. The
first lunch bell sounded and students began to pick up and throw their trays away. Caroline
leaned back with a smug look of satisfaction on her face. She snapped her fingers and one of her
entourage reached in her bag pulling out me an invitation.
When I got to my locker, I opened it looking into the mirror hanging in the back. The
blur of people walking by could be seen but my eyes were fixated on myself. Keep it together. I
closed my locker door only to meet the same pair of blue eyes that sent nervous signals all
throughout my body earlier staring back at me.
Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you, Amberly said. I was wondering if you were
okay. I see youve met Caroline.
I shook my head and she continued. Sorry about the disappearing act this morning. My
stats professor isnt too fond of tardiness.
I was lost for words partly because she seemed so meek this morning when I knocked
down her books, but most importantly because she reminded me of Anna. I scanned over her
outfit. A graphic tee with a few paint stains on it, her torn jeans and Converse, her obviously
thrifted necklace and chipped fingernail polish. Shabby chic maybe?
You know, if you dont want to talk to me I understand, she continued.
Oh, no youre fine. Sorry. She invited me to her party, I said handing her the invitation.
She opened the invite, rolling her eyes and sighing. You are hereby invited to join Caroline and

her posse as they embarrass the wannabes and soak up each others superficial awesomeness,
she read.
I laughed. She continued with, I know you may have thought you were invisible today,
but actually youre not. Agne High has this thing where the cliques try to recruit as soon as they
see fresh meat. Its pathetic. I know. If anyone has approached you today theyre definitely
testing you.
And you? I said.
What about me? she asked.
Are you trying to recruit me?
No, actually, Im not. I dont have a posse. But you live in my neighborhood. Your next
door neighbors told my mom a new family from Boston moved in and they have a daughter
about my age. Youre the only new face Ive seen. Its you right?
I guess I am, I said shrugging.
Amberly walked on parting off into a room that appeared to be an art studio. Well, if
youre not interested in the party, or if you are interested in the party, I live in the blue house on
the corner. You cant miss it. Come by anytime.
I stopped in the middle of the hallway as I watched her go into the classroom. She was
such a polar opposite of what Id assumed earlier, with her eyes downcast and flushed with
nerves as the crowd walked past. I sat in class the next two periods thinking about Amberly. I
was in no position to turn down friends, but the same could be said about Caroline even though
she gave me the worst vibe. Maybe Ill visit that house on the blue corner.

I helped mom prepare dinner that night while Alyssa sat at her homework table. Mom
was in a good mood. I talked to your father today, he said hell be home soon.

Thats great news! Do you know how soon? My mom fluttered back and forth from the
sink to the island.
He doesnt want to jinx it. You know your father, she said. My father was away on a
business trip. There was a point when I thought my parents would be divorced, and after the
accident I thought it would definitely send them to the courtroom on top of everything else. But
surprisingly it didnt. My mom started to lose weight, probably from stress. I loved my moms
attitude toward starting over. Id only seen her like this once before. A long time ago, when we
were going through the bankruptcy. She lost weight and weakened a little then, but once we got a
fresh start she plumped back up and it was like wed never had a trouble at all.
I also talked to Annas parents today, she said. I could tell she was holding her breath.
They said shes still hanging in there.
I didnt know what to say.
Knocking on the door sent Alyssa flying from the table screaming, Who is it?! I
dropped my utensils on the counter and ran after her yelling for her not to open the door. It was
Amberly and a woman.
Hey, Im Sheila from the house on the corner here. You know the blue one? And this is
my niece Am
Amberly, I said.
Oh great. You two have already met? Listen, were sorry to intrude is your mom home?
My mom finally waltzed from the kitchen in her best hostess voice passing out
introductions on the spot.
My aunt thought it would be cool to bake you guys a casserole. How lame is that?
Amberly said. I was still stuck on the strong resemblance Amberly and her aunt shared. I know

its totally possible she could look like her aunt, but it felt like I was looking at Amberlys older
clone.
You know you have a real knack for staring, Amber said walking into the house behind
her aunt upon my mothers invitation.
Im sorry, I said, I wasnt expecting anyone so soon.
She pointed at my mother and said, Your mom seems to have no problem with
unexpected guests.
Indeed, she didnt. Mom used to hold dinner parties for every major holiday back in
Boston. She was a neighborhood favorite. In fact it was sort of like dj vu. We met Annas
parents the very same way, only Anna and I were about Alyssas age. That was the start of our
friendship. Its a shame we have to start all over again. Amberly and her aunt ate dinner with us
that night. It was just like old times. The room filled with conversation even from Amberly.
Sheila wanted to know everything. Every picture in the dining room was thoroughly unriddled
with tales of the struggle to get everyone photo ready. Then came the picture of Anna and I. My
mom cleared her throat slightly.
Well, Junie, Mom said. Do you want to say? I think you could do Anna much more
justice than I could.
I stumbled over what to say for a second.
Thats my best friend Anna from Boston, I said. We were going to our fall festival in
that photo. Mom, you normally have that out with the fall decorations. I think its time you
switch that out with another one.
Mom changed the subject.

Around six oclock Mrs. Sheila decided it was time to go, but Amberly asked to hang
back. We went to my room and she flopped down slinging her canvas tote in the corner. Why
was she so comfortable with me?
Kicking off her shoes, and sprawling across my couch in the nook, she said, So are you
wondering why Im so weird yet?
I stuttered a little, Not weird. Youre pretty. Im just not sure what I think of you to be
honest.
She laughed and explained that she was once like me. She categorized people. The cool
kids, the art freaks, the band geeks, everything. That was until her mom died.
My mom was always trying to teach me these stupid lessons about being a good person,
and finding yourself, and creativity and stuff. They were stupid then, but when I stopped being
angry they all made sense, she said.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Before we left Boston I hung out with the popular
kids. I wanted so desperately to fit in. My mom was so worried about me when she began
hearing the rumors. I ditched my best friend to hang out with the Caroline equivalent of Cedar
Creek High. I think after all of my screw ups in the fall it was safe to say that I had lost myself.
Hey, what kind of music do you like? I said. I walked over to the built in wall shelving
where my iHome sat and tons of memories lined the shelves. It was mostly photos of my family
and I, and Anna. The photo evidence of my life with the wrong crowd had long been ripped and
torn in a fit of rage since the accident. My Nikon sat in the corner of a shelf with a light layer of
dust on it. I turned down the photo of Anna and me.
You were wearing that in a few of the photos downstairs, Amberly said. She pointed at
my camera. When did you get into photography?

10

Anna and I started learning together in this art class at a community center we used to
volunteer for about a year or so back, I said. Anna was no good behind the camera, but she was
always a pretty good model.
Was?
Oh shit.
You said was. Why isnt she anymore? she asked.
Anna and I were in a car accident a few months back. We collided with some kids from
school. We were passengers, I said. I lived to tell the story. Shes still in critical care. Her
parents just cant let her go yet.
Can you let her go? she asked.
For a minute no one spoke, which was fine with me because I didnt tell the whole story.
I wasnt ready to tell the whole story. Two months have passed and Im still not ready to tell the
whole story. I didnt tell that I pressured Anna into coming with me to a party on my quest for
popularity. I didnt tell that I took the drugs. I didnt tell her that we were really playing a stupid
game, and they told the officers something totally different caused us to collide head on. And I
didnt say anything to defend Anna. I didnt tell her, because I couldnt tell anyone. I couldnt
even tell myself for the first few weeks. I couldnt believe that Id hurt my best friend so much.
After all, everyone at Cedar Creek turned against me. The cool kids I wanted to be like stuck
together even after their parents forced them to severe their ties. But me? All I had ever had was
Anna, and Im not sure if I am going to be able to say that much longer. No, I couldnt let her go
yet.

11

Amberly was chewing her cheek. You guys have a great flower bed outside. I know
theyre not as colorful as they are any other time of the year but your yard is scenic, she said.
Lets go get a few shots in. Think of it as documenting the start of our friendship.
She grabbed my Nikon from the shelf and ran downstairs, helping herself to my rain
boots at the doorway in place of the Converse she had cast aside in my floor. When I finally
caught up with her, she had already picked a spot. She shoved the camera in my hand and began
twirling.
Look, this is silly, I said. Lets go back inside.
Junie, take the picture. Whats the harm?
The harm was I hadnt touched my camera in two months and it felt strange. She danced
wildly through the leaves, kicking and laughing, teasing me as she went. I grasped the base of the
camera and held it up to my eye. No flash. Exposure. Shutter speed. Snap. The remnants of the
winter sunset behind her -- the leaves falling in front of her face -- the grin and beam of her
presence. I captured it. For the first time in months I felt connected to Anna again. No, I couldnt
let her go yet.
Meanwhile, my mother watched from the kitchen window, one hand on her heart the
other over her mouth.

A month had passed and it felt like Amberly had become a regular visitor. I found myself
picking up my camera for everything, just like when Anna and I were together. I listened to
Amberly chat about everything, and admired her for her once I separated it from her similarities
to Anna. My mother seemed a little more relaxed. She offered to send me to counseling once
before I met Amberly, but one day came to me saying she thought I had already sought
counseling in my own way. She was glad to see me with my camera again.

12

I came home from school one day to my mother on the phone in the kitchen.
Yes, I understand, she said. Dinner prep had stopped. She stood at the island biting her
nails and occasionally rubbing her finger across her brow. When I walked through the kitchen
with Amberly trailing she ended the conversation.
Hey, girls, she said. Amberly, I need to have a word with Jupiter. Do you mind coming
back in a few hours?
Sure, Amberly said. Catch you later Junie.
I grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl wondering what the word would be. My mother
returned from the living room. Her face was tight.
Jupiter, she said. I have tried to understand what happened to Anna just as much as the
next person. But the Petersons just called to tell me Savannah told her something she thought I
should know. Is there anything you havent told me? Anything you may not have remembered
then that you think you remember now?
My heart raced. My best friend has been lying in a hospital for almost four months now. I
cant bring myself to speak about her because I know its my fault. Holding on to life until I tell
the truth.
No, I said. Ive told you everything.
Mom leaned on the island with both arms, head hanging low, chest rising and falling at a
fast but heavy pace.
The people in the forensics department said there are some discrepancies in you guys
stories. Theyre saying the tire marks arent lining up with your stories, and someones blood
tested positive for drugs and some compounds similar to masking agents. Jupiter, if she dies you
guys are looking at some serious charges. Shes not getting any better.

13

Oh shit.
My mothers eyes jerked at the sound of knocking at the door.
Go to your room, she said. If you must come down, say nothing unless I say
otherwise.
I was confused. I was afraid. What could Savannah have said? Maybe three minutes later
my mother was calling me downstairs. We had a visitor. The detective from Boston who
interviewed us so many times after the accident.
Hello, Jupiter, he said. Im just here following up on some information and to give
you guys some updates.
The golf ball in my throat wouldnt have let me say anything even if my mom did want
me to say a word.
Jupiter, when everyone was examined at the hospital all toxicology screens came back
regular, he said. After some further testing we found some compounds indicative of a masking
agent in some of the samples. Namely, yours and Savannahs. Ive come to understand that
Savannah was in fact the driver that night correct?
I nodded.
Were you aware that you and Savannah had taken drugs?
Oh shit.
No.
Tell me again how the accident happened?
Ive already told you everything I remembered! I said. Are you saying you dont
believe me?
Because you shouldnt.

14

I dont mean to upset you, he said. I merely want you to understand that in the event
that Anna dies, if there was foul play you and your classmates are in some serious trouble.
Tears welled and my face flushed, I grabbed my camera from the mantle and ran out the
door.
Thats enough for today, dont you think? Mom said. I think youd better leave now.
Let us know if you need anything else.
I ran to Alyssas tree swing in the backyard. My mom came trailing behind me after she
saw the detective out.
Annas parents called earlier too, she said. Theyre thinking about pulling the plug
soon. They wanted to know if you would like to see her first.
I knew it. I have to face Anna. Then maybe we can all let her go.