Kalsi

Does My Religion Define Me?

So, is it true that you guys bathe in milk? I can still remember the

expression on my face every time I heard this question. Were they being serious, or
were they trying to be funny? These are the moments that began to shape my views
of what people thought of Sikhism and my cultural beliefs.

As I had just moved to a new school in October 1997, the teachers already

had the assumption that I needed ESL, which I did not. It was already hard to make
friends being new, but even harder because kids would pick on me. I used to bring
Indian food to school because that is what my grandmother would make for me,
while my mother was at work. Every day, it was a variation of different veggie
sandwiches and they would give off such a strong smell that lingered in my
backpack, and near the students around me. It was a very distinct smell that
consisted of warm spiced cauliflower and potatoes, also known as a-loo go-bi. Eww,
what is that and why does it smell like that? said the kids who had their desks next
to mine. As I discretely took bites of my smelly sandwich, I looked around the room
and was jealous of the kids who would get McDonalds or fast food lunches. I
thought that was the norm, and I thought to myself, why doesnt my lunch look like
that? At such a young age, I felt like an outsider that was being judged in every way
possible. Was I giving the students a reason to think this way, or did they already
have these thoughts about Indian people?

What made these people think that Indians bathed in milk, or went through a

jug a day? Why would they laugh at Indian people at the supermarket? Was I on the
outside of some inside joke? As these questions ran through my mind, I was being
asked why I could not cut my hair or why I had to keep it tied up. I felt like Rapunzel,
minus the whole being locked in a tower part. However, that is how I started to feel
because I felt imprisoned in my thoughts. How could I answer questions about
Sikhism, when I did not even know much about it myself? I just did what was asked
of me, and whenever I asked why, the response would be: because we have to. For
a curious 7 year old, this was the worst reasoning to hear, and that is why I began to
question my values, and the traditions that became so intertwined within Sikhism.

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Was I aiming to please my family, the Sikh community, or myself? I do not know. At
this point, I knew that if I continued to do things based on what my family was
telling me without reason, I would continue to feel incomplete, or different from
everyone around me.

Toward the end of my elementary years, I was being asked questions and

they were no longer about milk, or what I was eating. This time, the questions were
about my parents. In 2003, my parents were no longer together and at this time, it
was uncommon in the Sikh community, and my family specifically. Sikhs dont get
divorced, do they? What, your parents are divorced? Thats different. A new wave
of questions had started, and these questions would make me ask more questions
about Sikhism and faith. This was the moment that something changed in me, and in
a bittersweet way, for the better. If faith and religion could not restore what was
lost, I needed to re-examine what the role of religion was in my life, and what I felt
was more important traditionally, and what would ensure balance in my life.

And so it began, I was beginning to find myself, and what I stood for. The

mold was being broken, and the first step was to cut my hair. This was a decision I
made for myself, and it did not make my parents happy, but it felt like all the weight
of the expectations that were placed on me were cut loose. After this change, it was
clear that it did not matter what I looked like, what I was eating, or if I looked
traditional because by this time students were more aware of Sikhism and open to
new ways of thinking. Although I did not fit the ideals of my religion, I found a way
to balance my beliefs, the customs within my family, and the type of person I wanted
to be.

To this day, I am still discovering more about myself, and the religion I have

grown to respect and show pride in. My religion strengthens the bond between my
grandparents and me, and also allows me to enlighten others when they ask
questions out of uncertainty. Although I question many aspects of the religion, it is
what has made not only my family, but also the Sikh community as connected as it is
today.

It is human nature to question what cannot be seen, and the traditions that

become intertwined between culture and religion. Those kids in my class were

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doing what all kids do, asking questions, questions that I could not answer. Those
people making fun of what I would eat were now asking me to bring Indian food for
them. They now know that milk is purchased for the communal kitchens in temples,
to make yogurt, and even for cleansing rituals. Nowadays, the questions asked of me
are out of interest, and not out of judgment. Now, it is my job to answer those
questions, so that people will not feel like how I felt when I was younger.