The Dance of Marriage ~ Ephesians 5 (Selected Texts)

September 13, 2015 ~ New City Church of Calgary ~ Pastor John Ferguson
Intro: Love, Marriage, & Sexuality: How the Gospel Shapes Our Relationships
Question: When you think of marriage, and the roles that a husband and wife play, What does that look like?
Think of marriage as a dance: Two people coming together with a common purpose rather than two people freestyling doing their own thing in some proximity to each other.
Question: Within the dance of marriage, are there key roles that a husband and wife play?
The answer to that question is Yes.
Everyone comes into marriage with an idea of the roles that a husband and wife play, even if its unarticulated.
Were going to look at a passage written by one of the apostles of Jesus as he gives instructions to Christians who are
wanting to live lives that are pleasing to the Lord, and Christian husbands and wives who desire to have Christ at the
centre of their marriage.
The Dance of Marriage ~ Ephesians 5
1. The text is relevant for all of us, whether we are single or married. As a community of faith, we need to be able
to articulate what the Scriptures teach and help one another live out its teachings: Discipleship.
2. To understand this teaching, we need to understand it within the proper context. So as we work through this
text, well need to grab hold of the three crucial assumptions that give this teaching proper meaning.
5:1 Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children.
1. Jesus makes God known to us as a Heavenly Father. When we believe, we are adopted into Gods family.
2. John 1:12, To all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of
God..
5: 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 8b
Walk as children of light10 and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.
1. The Christian life is described as a walka way of life.
2. 2 Corinthians 5:9-10, We make it our aim to please him.
15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the
days are evil. 5:17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
***Assumption #1: Husbands and wives are walking with God the Father.
5:18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another
in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart, 20 giving
thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.
***Assumption #2: Husbands and wives are being filled with the Spirit.
5:21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
The fundamental posture of the Christian is to walk with God the Father, to be filled with the Holy Spirit, and to
submit to one another out of reverence to Christ. In doing so, husband and wives are submitting themselves to
Christ by submitting to their assigned roles in marriage.

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***Assumption #3: Husbands and wives are submitting themselves to Christ.

Just as there is a mutual submission among Christiansserving one another, encouraging one another,
praying for one another, outdoing one another in showing honourso there is a mutual submission that
husbands and wives display within the dance of marriage. What does that look like?
5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
1. Note, this DOES NOT say that all women should submit to men!
2. But it does instruct women to submit to their own husbands. Why? Is it because men are better? Smarter?
Superior? No. Its for an entirely different reason altogether.
5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its
Saviour.
1. Gen. 1:28-29, So God created man in his own image; in the image of God he created him; male and female he
created them. Ad God blessed them. And God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it
and have dominion overevery living thing that moves on the earth.
Men & women are created equal in the image of God, equally blessed, equally given dominion over the earth.
2. Gen. 2:18, Then the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him.
God creates the woman from the man, and even though the man is given authority to name his wife, she is not
described as an inferior, but as a helper for him. The term helper is most often used in Scripture to refer
to God himself, giving help to people. In this context, man needs help in filling the earth and ruling over it, and
God makes a perfect helper for him.
Fit translates a compound phrase that means literally, like opposite him.

Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage, Male and female are like opposite to one another. They are like
two pieces of a puzzle that fit together because they are not exactly alike nor randomly different, but they
are differentiated such that together they can create a complete whole. Each sex is gifted for different
steps in the same Great Dance.

3. When the Apostle says that the husband is the head of the wife, hes simply stating the truth that though both
husband and wife are responsible for their relationship, the husband is ultimately accountable for (1) the
spiritual health of the family unit and (2) for directing the family in paths of righteousness.
Thats why, e.g., when Adam and Eve both rebelled against Gods rule, though Eve ate of the forbidden fruit
first, God came looking for answers from the man first. Adam was the head, and so ultimately accountable.
5:24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
1. Be careful! There is a danger in taking this verse out of context and making it say something that it doesnt say.
Honey, were going to cheat on our taxes, and you have to go along with me b/c the Bible says you are to
submit to me in everything. No.
The wife is called to follow her husbands lead as he leads her in paths of righteousness, in walking with God the
Father, in being filled with the Holy Spirit, and in submitting their lives to Christ.
The wife is called to respect his unique role in this dance of marriage, and she submits herself to Christ by
submitting herself to her husband in seeking to serve him (a helper fit for him) as he leads the family.
2. Key Point: The wife is called to submit herself to Christ by submitting herself to the servant-leadership of her
husband.
Ladies, you can make your job a lot easier if you say yes to someone who is already a servant leader.
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5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
1. Husbands, the Bible instructs you to love your wife and it shows you what that would look like: Jesus.
Husbands, you are called to love your wife by dying to yourself.
Husbands, you are called to love your wife by living to serving her.

Mark 10:42-45, And Jesus called them to him and said to them, You know that those who are considered
rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be
so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first
among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give
his life as a ransom for many.

Jesus served his disciples by washing their feet. Do you understand what I have done for you? You call
me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your
feet, you also ought to wash one anothers feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do just
as I have done for you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master (John 13:12ff).

2. Your wife should be able to say, My husband helps me to understand Jesus better b/c my husband loves me and
serves me as Christ loves and serves the church.
Men, do you need to apologize to God, to your wife, and even to your kids?
26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might
present the church to himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and
without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his
wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the
church, 30 because we are members of his body.
1. Husbands are called to love their wives as their own bodies: This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.
2. Note the key words: loves her, gave himself up for her, nourishes her, cherishes her.
3. Key Point: The husband is called to submit himself to Christ by submitting himself to lovingly serve his wife.
5:31 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one
flesh. 32This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
The reason why there is such a thing as marriage is so that we can have a living picture of Christs love for the
church, and the churchs love for Christ.
Christ is a loving servant who leads his bride in paths of righteousness, and the Church submits herself to Christ.
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Main Idea: Husbands and wives are called to submit their roles to Christ in their love and service to one another.
Application:
Wives: Ask your husbands, How can I help you? What if it actually was your pleasure to help your own husband?
Husbands: Ask your wives, How can I serve you? What if it actually was your pleasure to serve your own wife?
*** Can you imagine what Calgary would be like if husbands and wives tried to out-serve one another?
Illustration: Hannah & Xings wedding: Part of their ceremony included washing each others feet. They wanted to
communicate the truth that because they desired to centre their lives upon the Lord Jesus Christ, they therefore will serve
one another.

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What if people who knew folks at NCC observed our marriages and said, I want a marriage just like that?

I didn't know there were men who loved to serve their wives. I want to find a husband like that!
If I could find a woman like thatone who was my partner and true helper in life, I could be a better man!
I want to find a wife that I could serve and lay down my life for!
I want a husband that makes it easy to submit myself to his servant leadership.
I want people to look at my marriage and understand the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
I want my marriage to be a glorious dance of love and service to each other.

NCC, may you be a people who seek to submit yourselves to one another out of reverence for Christ, and may
you cherish and delight in marriages that spotlight the eternal dance between Christ and his church.

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