Mayberry Gazette

Mayberry
Gazette
Where the news always has
a sweet surprise or ending!!

Bear-y Hungry Cub

It was almost closing time at the Mayberry Bakery when the employees heard a loud noise coming form the back of the
bakery. Jackson, one of the employees, went to the back to see what was making the noise and yelled BEAR!! when he saw the
wild animal. To their surprise he had found a bear cub eating the three day old pies that were about to be thrown out. Jackson,
they told the local news reporters, was able to warn everyone inside the store to go outside. The employees acted quickly, locked
all the doors of the bakery leaving only the bear inside. They watched as the cub made his way to the front of the bakery and
began devouring the cakes and pies from front glass display. By the time the Wildlife officers arrived to tranquilize the bear and
remove him safely, the cub had eaten half of the display. The employees told the reporter that they had the scare of their lives
while the cub was simply trying to make his way to dessert. Later that afternoon, the Wildlife officers inform the local new
reporter that the bear was bad nourished and underweight. He had been forced to go out of his natural habitat in search of food.
As it turns out, the back door of the bakery was left slightly open and that allowed the bear the easy liberty of accessing the
delicious food! In recent months there have been several cases of bears out of their natural habitat. One thing is for sure, these
employees are going to think twice before forgetting to close the door!
Reporter Fatima Aquino

Dancing Andy
Our very own Andy Taylor will be competing in Dancing with the Sheriffs next month! Hell be going up against sheriffs from
Greensboro, Raleigh, Durham & Charlotte. We asked Sherriff Andy what he was excited about the most, Im excited that the
competition will be held at our very own Cross Creek Country Club. The competition kicks off on Friday
October 2nd at 6pm at Cross Creek Country Club. Tickets can be purchased at the filling station with Goober
and/or Gomer. Lets wish him luck!
Reporter Shannon Branom

Mayberry Gazette
THE TALK OF THE TOWN!
This week the talk of the town was the beautiful country wedding between
Mayberry's very own Opie and Louise! We all knew these two would get hitched
someday. Sunday was the day. The wedding took place at Opie's parents house, Sheriff
Griffin and Miss Bee's backyard. It was decorated to perfection. The guests were to be
seated on fresh bales of hay with Miss Bee's famous quilts for comfort. The aisle was
decorated with that really beautiful baby's breath you can find over off route 89 by the
river if you know where to look. And the altar was something out of a country song.
The branches covering the altar had mason jars with little candles lit in them and there
was white ribbons hanging with these twinkly lights. Louise and Miss Bee did a
beautiful job decorating. It was time for the ceremony and it seemed like the whole town was there. Miss Bee of
course handed out her famous sweet tea with lavender ice cubes. Everyone was seated and here came Opie. He was
wearing a beautiful collared shirt with that pocket square his dad wore on his wedding, and the late Sheriff Griffin
wore on his big day too! Miss Bee walked with Opie and she looked like the proudest momma. Of course the
ceremony wouldn't be complete without good old Rocky walking the rings down the aisle. That old dog had a new
trick that day. Here came Louise, she looked stunning in her peach colored off white dress with a beautiful crown of
babys breath and sunflowers. Her hair was long with those loose girls that only the girls down at Curl Up and Dry
know how to do. Of course the ceremony couldn't go off without one of those football studs making a belch or a
hoot hoot or two. At the reception there was the perfectly braised brisket that the Sheriff wins all those medals for
every year at the fair. It was perfect. Everyone danced and laughed and Bobby Ray even fell over a few times after
the moonshine just got two much. Mayberry's got a new couple in town!
Reporter Kara Mayo

Mayberry Woman Arrested After Causing Scene at McDonalds

Loving it?

Or not loving it?

On Friday, a local house maker, Beatrice Taylor, was arrested outside of McDonalds for
disorderly conduct. The police were called by witness after Beatrice was seen getting aggressive
with an employee. The confrontation began when Ms. Taylor ordered a cheeseburger with no
pickles. When she received her order, she broke out into an outrage to find pickles on her
sandwich. She then began yelling at the employees, jumped over the counter to steal money, and
allegedly started to destroy the restaurant, throwing food and pushing over chairs. Police arrived
moments later to arrest her. She now faces misdemeanor charges and will be released on bail this
Monday.
Reporter

Jenna Adams

Mayberry Gazette

FIFE CAUGHT WITH A PIE IN HIS FACE

Last night, Sheriff Andy Griffin, responded to a disturbance call around 10:59 pm. It appeared
that the neighbors heard an odd noise coming from Gomers station. Since, Gomer himself locks up the
gas station at 6pm each night (he needs to be home for supper at 6:05), the neighbors found it odd to
hear any noises coming from a locked up gas station. At 11:05 pm, Sheriff Griffin responded to the call.
According to the police report, when Sherriff Griffin arrived at the scene, he noticed the back lights on in
the gas station and therefore, proceeded to the back door. As he got closer, he heard grumbling. At this
point, it was too late to call for back up and because he opts not to carry a gun, Sheriff Griffin grabbed the
first thing he could possibly use for a weapon, a tire iron and proceeded to open the back door. He
shouted POLICE! Put your hands up! Only to find that his trusted Deputy, Barney Fife, was sitting at
Gomers back table eating a bunch of Aunt Bees pies Fife had stolen earlier that day! Sheriff Griffin
stripped Deputy Fife, of his beloved firearm and placed him on modified assignment. It is not yet know if
either Gomer or Aunt Bee will be pressing charges.

Reporter Windy Bailey

Meow What Happened?

Aunt Bee was enjoying her nightly hot totty last night when she began to hear yelling coming
from her neighbors house. Now she wants to make it clear that she wasnt eavesdropping but when she heard the
words Im going to kill you! along with some sounds of a struggle; she panicked and woke up Sheriff Andy. Upon
being woken up from a dead sleep by Aunt Bees frantic words, Sheriff Andy grabbed his gun and rushed next door.
After gaining access into the home, it was discovered that the neighbor was yelling at her cat because she was
rudely woken up by her cat peeing on her pillow next to her head. The struggle sounds was from a lamp being
knocked over when the neighbor went to turn on a light. Sheriff Andy deemed that the cats life was in no longer
danger since it was currently the wash room for a time out. After all was calm, it was discovered that Sheriff Andy
had been in his tighty whities throughout the entire episode. Community Service, in the form of linen washing, has
been discussed for the charge of indecent exposure.

Reporter Jessica Vega

Mayberry Gazette

Seniors out of control

With the school year coming to an end and graduation just around the corner, this years senior class of
13 students has turned the quiet town of Mayberry upside down! It started on Friday night when the
Sheriff received a report of some disturbance at the high school. When he went to investigate he found
that every entrance had been barricaded with the students desks. The assailants escaped through a
window moments before the sheriff arrived. The following morning, as the town gathered together for
Sunday worship, it was discovered that a dozen pigs from local farms had been released into the parking
lot preventing parking until all could be rounded up. It is believed that these attacks are just the first of
many.
Editors note: Yesterday morning four goats were found tearing through the community eating everything in their path. It is yet to be
determined if this is related to the rampage of senior pranks mentioned above or just the neglect of Otis to lock his goat pen again.
Reporter Chelsea Upshaw

SUMMERS DONUTS AFTER DARK

Many calls have been reported recently of activity at the donut shop on Willow Ave late at
night. After contacting Ms. Summers
of the activity and she being unaware
of any activity, Fife was on the
job. Fife went to the donut shop every
night around 10 p.m. and didn't see
anything. It wasn't until Sunday night
that while Fife was hiding out in the
kitchen eating leftover donuts that Ms.
Bee came into the donut shop with the
rest of the girls. She didn't see Fife
and the girls sat and played
poker. Ms. Bee went into the kitchen
to get the alcohol and Fife got startled and said Freeze. Ms. Bee was busted. Fife called Ms.
Summers to explain her recent activity and asked if she would like to press charges. Instead, Ms.
Summers came up and joined in the activity; just another night in the life of Fife and one more
donut under his belt.
Reporter Jennifer Zamora

Free to a good home

A duck or a rooster. Duck eats grass, plants, and nuts. Rooster eats grass, fruits, and seeds. Doorbells scare the duck.
Horns frighten the rooster. Both came to my house last Saturday. The rooster fell out of a truck passing by my
house. I ran after the truck, but it was too fast for me to catch up, so I brought it home. That night, the duck pecked
on my door, made the dog jump and bark, and woke up my daddy and me. Duck was wet from rain, so we let it in.
Duck sleeps on the sofa and Rooster sleeps on top of the fridge. Duck likes to watch TV. Rooster likes the radio.
Duck calls all day. Rooster crows every hour. Daddy said both drives him crazy. He said one or both goes. Come
and choose which one you like. Call Opie 336-345-6789.
Posted by Gemma Crowell

Mayberry Gazette