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Day 1
Designing Your Life
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 06/10/2008
The first step you need to take to improve any area of your life is determining your desired
outcome. The title of this series is 31 Days to Better Game but better game has a different
meaning for everyone reading this. In order to fully experience and appreciate the lessons youll
receive over the next 31 days you need to have a clearly defined end result.
Having a clearly defined end result means knowing exactly where you want to be 31 days from
now. How will you look after youve achieved better game? How will you act? What kind of girls
will you be dating? Sleeping with? What will a day in your life look like once youve got this area
of your life mastered? How will you feel? What kind of thoughts will be running through your
mind?
These are all questions that you cannot ignore. This step is more important than any lesson you
will learn from here on out.
If you have had difficulty with talking to women, managing a relationship, building attraction...
or any other area of your life until you develop a clearly defined goal for yourself your mind
will continue producing the same results youve always gotten.
Have you read the book The Secret? Or how about Real Magic? Or Think and Grow Rich? These
three books (if read and implementing correctly) are worth their weight in gold.
These three books all explore the ancient principle that your mind will create whatever reality
you present it. This means that if you consistently think of the lack in your life (of women,
money, and friendship) the universe will continue to provide you a life of lack. But if you train
your mind to see abundance (of women, money) the universe will provide you a life of
abundance.
If this sounds new age and hokey wait a minute. I felt the same way years ago when I was
presented with this concept. But Im going to safely say that it is magic.
I want all of you reading this to put aside your personal opinions and judgments and
reservations. I want you to trust me to give this a chance.
Your Homework
Everyone reading this needs to set aside one hour in a quiet place. Take a pen and paper with
you. You need to close your eyes and spend the next thirty minutes visualizing yourself as your
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Day 2
Developing Inner Game
Written by Cajun
Originally Published: 06/12/2008
Inner game is probably one of the most popular subjects in the community. Its a major sticking
point for nearly everyone who has trouble talking to women and its a problem that can be
difficult to fix as well, since it tends to be rooted in a lifetimes worth of negative beliefs that
are based on things like fear and rejection. Inner game is also a topic that I think can only be
discussed from a personal level, that is, I cant convince you how to think or look at life
differently, only you can, but I can tell you how I overcame the very same problems, and hope
that you can learn from my experiences.
So what is it?
To me, inner game problems boils down to two things: your experience and your mindset.
Every problem you run into with not just women, but life itself, can be attributed to one of
these two areas. Im going to get into both of these, and give some personal insights, so
hopefully by the end of this article youll have a clearer understanding of what exactly it is that
you need to work on to fix your own issues.
Experience:
When people ask me how I developed my Rock solid confidence, I always answer the same;
Practice. When you think about what confidence actually is you realize that it's simply doing
something that youve done enough times to be comfortable with. Its only when were thrown
into situations that are unfamiliar to us that we start to lose confidence in ourselves. The sad
and somewhat ironic reality is that most men are not comfortable talking to women simply
because they dont talk to women! Its a negative feedback loop thats perpetuated by a fear of
what might go wrong. This is bullshit! To be scared of the possible negative outcomes is to be
scared of the very thing that enables you to get better!
Think about it this way; when you were learning to ride a bike, were you too scared to get on
because of a fear that you might fall down? Maybe, but you got on anyway because you saw
how much fun all the other kids were having, even then you realized that the reward was worth
the risk. Well this is the same thing, I remember when I first started out with this stuff I used to
get drinks thrown in my face, told off, or simply ignored. The first few weeks were rough; it took
me a while before I got used to rejection enough that I could understand where I went wrong.
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There is a misused phrase being tossed around in regards to attracting women Looks dont
matter. The phrase should have been worded Looks only matter so much.
There is no denying that physical attractiveness makes it easier for attraction to take place. But
you dont need to be naturally good looking to make a good first impression.
If youve read The Game you know that the first advice Mystery gave Neil Strauss was to
improve upon his look. He had the less-than-handsome Strauss shave his balding head, get a
tan, grow a goatee, hit the gym, and change his wardrobe. If youve seen the before and after
pictures you know what a drastic improvement these simple steps made.
Like Strauss says, Youve got to present your best self.
I wrote a post a couple months ago called 10 Ways to Immediately Make Yourself More
Attractive. I highly recommend reading over that list. The list includes simple to improve areas
like skin color, hair style, smiling, posture and grooming tips. By just implementing these 10 tips
you will begin to not only look more attractive, but you will begin to feel much more attractive.
What I did not include on that list but is equally important is maintaining a fit body. Im not
saying that you have to look like David Beckham but you know deep inside if youre body can
be improved upon. If you look in the mirror and see things jiggling, there is no excuse not hit to
hit the gym. If youre unsure of how to lose that extra weight check out this article about
shedding unwanted pounds if youre looking to gain some muscle read this article on bulking
up for the summer. If you want further information on designing a weight loss/muscle gain plan
read this free personal trainer program-the site has like five hundred articles on every aspect of
weight training and nutrition.
After youve improved upon the areas of your appearance that need some work it's time to
update your wardrobe. I am not a firm believer in peacocking in the sense that Mystery and
Style teach. But I do believe in using clothes and accessories as a way to attract positive
attention. More importantly is dressing in a way that promotes your self confidence.
If youve got little or no sense of fashion than read through our mens fashion articles here at
the site. Weve had a couple fashion consultants contributing articles to make your choices
easier. If youre still looking for more advice than I would recommend purchasing Brad Ps
Fashion Bible.
If you still have questions regarding how to go about updating your life you might find an article
I wrote for my How to Be Popular in High series helpful. Although the article was geared toward
high school students there is advice on creating your image that can be applied to all age
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In a common sales office 10% of the salesmen make 90% of the money. Is it because they are that much
better salesman? No. Its because a successful salesman is constantly marketing himself while the other
90% do their 9-5 in the office and call it a day.
The biggest mistake most guys tend to make while trying to improve their game is they think that it only
counts when they are at a bar or club. They read books, study lines, learn to be alpha but they sit in
their house all week waiting for the weekend to practice game.
I spent this weekend with AFC Adam Lyons from Pua Training in New York. If I had to name the most
inspiring thing I got out of the weekend it was Adams ability to always be on. Adam made the
comment several times that he is game. And hes right.
No matter who he was talking to he was projecting the same charismatic personality. He didnt wait
until heading to the clubs at night to go into game mode. He lived, breathed, and slept game.
Does that mean all you should care about is game? Hell no. It just means that everything you learn
needs to be implemented at all times.
Always dress to impress. Always be chatting up strangers. Always be opening sets. Always strive to make
your conversations memorable. Always be presenting your best self.
A lot guys wonder how come some nights it is so hard to get in state. It is so hard for them because all
week theyve created a pattern of bad posture, poor tonality, boring conversation, approach anxiety,
and AFC tendencies. then they expect to miraculously be the life of the party come Saturday night.
Every lesson that you learn throughout these 31 days needs to become a new habit in your life. If youve
just read an article about flirting; start flirting immediately. I dont care if you have to flirt with your sixty
year old neighbor. you need to always be reinforcing these skills.
Once you get in the habit of always reinforcing the skills youve been learning, you will find that it
becomes a lot easier to get in state since you will be spending most of your time in the right frame of
mind.
More importantly though, is that you will find, like the most successful salesmen, that the best leads
come when you least expect it. If youre always on youll find that youll naturally be attracting more
women into your life. Your co-workers who used to ignore you will be asking you to come hang out with
them. The counter girl at your local bank will be dropping you IOIs.
Always leave the house expecting to meet the girl of your dreams. Because you just dont know when
you will bump into her.
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I was reading Bobbys recent post Never Show Emotion When She Walks Away and all I could
think was could that dude make it any more obvious that he was low status?
Let me explain
When you think of high status males who do you think of?
Donald Trump George Clooney Kobe Bryant your favorite politician
Now if any of these guys had an attractive girl make out with them and run off would they set
around and pout like a tit baby about it?
Fuck no
They are flooded by a large quantity of attractive women in their life and even if you
temporarily took away their money, clothes, cars and made them wear a disguise; any woman
would still be able to read that they are high status within minutes of meeting them by the way
they talk, act and by their body language.
In Wisconsin we deer hunt and my Dad always told me to never cough because a deers hearing
is much better than a humans
Well a womans status senses are far superior to a mans.
Now you might ask why status is so important to women.
Because with high status comes most of the traits women desire in men like security, power,
wealth, fame, social acceptance and notoriety. Not only will landing a guy like that make her life
better, it will make the life of her kids better and even make her friends jealous and envious.
yes, women are actually very competitive with each other but in more subtle ways than
men
So how can women sense your status?
They can sense your supply versus your demand
If you are clingy and needy it shows to them that you have a low demand and a high supply. If
on the other hand you dont give a shit when dealing with a hot girl youre showing your supply
is low and your demand is high.
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I was a very boring guy until I turned about 22. My interests used to lie exclusively in history,
economics and business, and while this proved an asset in my talks with adults, I was
completely stilted when youd throw me into a bar full of people my age. I thought that,
somehow, once a girl sensed how deep and concerned about the real world I was, she was
bound to be attracted to me. Needless to say, I wasnt exactly a huge hit around the college
bars in Ann Arbor, MI.
The inability to be fun and flirtatious is one of the most common problems that men face when
theyre learning to get better with women. To this day, it is issue number one amongst the
clients with whom I work. While they may have some approach anxiety, it is not necessarily
because they are afraid of getting rejected, so much as it is that they are worried the
conversation will flatten out and get boring. Theres nothing worse than a girl who, initially,
seems to be enjoying her time with you, only to see her attention wane as the conversation
starts to get, well, lame.
If youve ever been talking to a woman and thought to yourself, man, Im even boring myself!
then you know exactly what Im talking about here.
A flat conversation is one without any spark, emotion, surprise it is how you might
communicate with your lawyer or your professor. And listen, if you never learned to
communicate any other way, thats fine youre in the company of many other men. But lets
learn how to flirt, and add some much-needed texture to the conversation.
Flirting is conversational play. Its two people talking about anything they want (it definitely
does not need to be logical) and pushing, pulling, surprising and rewarding each other. Flirting
is YOU and HER your personality and hers sharing some basic information and making it
more fun. I like to think of it as taking a flat note, hitting it with a bend, and running it through a
flanger. Swooosh instant texture. But perhaps an example is in order.
DULL, BORING CONVO
F: So where are you from?
M: Right, uh Stains. It's just outside London.
F: Ok how is it there?
M: Its pretty nice. You know, it was a good place to grow up. How about you, where are you
from?
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I think most guys are waiting for some new pick up artist to come out with an innovative, fail
proof, guaranteed to work opening line to say to a woman. Dont hold your breath.
An opener is just the first thing you say to start an interaction. Yes, ideally it will make her
laugh, make you look cool, and create conversation that just flows from it.
But the fact is; there is no perfect opener. But there are perfect ways to approach and deliver
your opening line.
The best approaches are spontaneous. BAM! You see a woman you want to talk to an
immediately initiate a conversation. The reason these approaches are the best is because very
little thought is going into the interaction. The less thought out and planned an interaction is
the more natural and relaxed you will appear.
Once you start scanning your mind for things to say it's over. Youre mentally in the wrong
state.
This is why in the beginning a lot of coaches recommend using canned openers. Personally, I
recommend having a couple canned openers ready for different situations but I would keep
them simple (hey, are you guys friendly?..) and stay away from the classic Mystery or Strauss
who lies more or what 80s pop duo should I name my dog after? Ive found that guys who
are using these elaborate canned openers are getting stuck in routine mode and not going on
to develop natural conversation skills. But that's just my opinion.
When it comes to opening girls Ive found that several things will make all the difference.
1. Proximity. The easiest girls to talk to are the ones you're standing closest to. Most of the
time these girls will be expecting you to open them. As you walk into a venue scan the room for
the best possible spot. You dont want to be the guy doing laps all night with the hungry look on
his face.
2. Spontaneous. The best approaches feel spontaneous. That is the beauty of the three second
rule. If youve entered a bar, and youre in the proximity to a couple girls you want to talk toopen them immediately. The longer you wait the more awkward it's going to be. Even if you
just say you girls look like youre ready for a fun night give them cheers with your glass and
then go back to talking to your friend. Now theyre opened. Open as many people around you
as quickly as you can. This will put you in the right frame of mind. (And build social value)
3. Body Language- The reason spontaneous approaches work the best is because your body
language doesnt have time to get all weird and up tight. Because the approach was
spontaneous you will be sending off really natural body language. You want to make sure your
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The goal of a conversation is to connect with the other person on some level. After youve
approached a woman and have broken the ice with an opening line you need to hook her into
the conversation. You need to get her to invest some interest in talking to you.
How do you get a girl to invest some interest in the conversation?
One of the easiest ways to elicit a response is to make assumptions about her and funny
guesses. For instance, the other night I was talking to a girl at a bar, and I asked her if she lived
in the city. She told me she just moved here from Iowa.
The standard question that most guys would have asked next was how do you like the city?
Instead I said, So, youre here because as a child you had bright lights big city dreams you
imagined yourself strolling down Fifth Ave, swinging your briefcase on your way to your job in
advertising
At this point she stopped me and said Ha-ha, actually I imagined it was a job on Wall St., Im
a finance geek.
So you imagined yourself in a power suit doing lunches with the Gordon Gekko types...
talking about how Intel is down a point?
From there the conversation flowed naturally because I avoided interview mode. I guided her
along. When that thread died down it was easy to transition into another interesting topic.
So tell me what your first week in the city was really like I asked her.
Here she brought up the emotions she felt of excitement mixed with fear.
Using the material she gave me the mix of excitement and fear I was able to transition into
another thread.
Well arent the most satisfying times in life the times you feel that adrenaline? It's like when
you think of your most memorable vacation it probably wasnt a vacation you sat in a beach
chair sipping Pina Coladas... It was probably one where you challenged yourself a bit
Haha, yes being stuck in France not speaking a word of the language... out of money
Oh... that sounds like a good story... do tell!
See how the conversation is naturally flowing from one thread to another? After she spoke a bit
about her adventure in France I told her about my first time in Brazil, and explained the
emotion I felt of being lost on this entirely different continent, and how it almost brings you
back your childhood when things were still new and you had that desire to explore.
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See how easily the conversation could have turned into a high pressured interview if I hadnt
used what she gave me and related it back to her.
You also want to stay away from try hard relating. This is where everything she says you try to
find away to immediately relate to it.
me: Really, I have a friend who went there on vacation last year. What do you do?
her: Im a stockbroker.
me: Oh yea.. I dabbled with stocks online a little. What do you do for fun?
In the example above youre wasting valuable hooks by trying to fill the air with pointless
banter about yourself. Who cares that your friend went there on vacation?
The proper way to handle a hook is to relate it back to her. This is actually a technique I learned
from Richard La Ruinas book The Natural Art of Seduction where he talks about taking things
deeper. Here is an example from my conversation of how I took things deeper.
her: It was this time in France when I was dead broke, didnt speak the language, and
alone for two days wondering around Paris.
me: So you must have felt both the thrill and fear of complete anonymity. So what does
one do when they know no one will find out?
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Bobby Rio asked me to shed some light on building comfort with women. This is just a sampler
of techniques you can use to build comfort with women and isnt meant to be an exhaustive list
by any means. I hope you guys enjoy it and find it helpful.
Two things I hear guys ask about when it comes to building comfort with women are (1)
whether to go indirect versus direct with the game and (2) whether to compliment or playfully
insult the woman. My answer isit depends on your conveyed status. If your body language,
physical appearance, social proofing and/or manner of speech are strong enough to convey
higher value from the moment you walk in the door or open your mouth, sure you can
compliment a woman upon first meeting her. One of my rules has always been that its all right
to put a woman on a pedestal so long as its made clear that youre on the throne, which is
even higher. Or to put it another way, treating a woman like a queen is not a sign of weakness
as long as its crystal clear that youre the king. If theres any possible doubt as to your status
versus her status, however, you will probably want to lean more toward indirect game and
playful teasing and insults.
The more comfortable you get with your game, the easier it will get to convey that youre an
alpha male and a prize with hardly any effort. Until you reach that level of game, however, its
always better to start in the beginning with a little more indirect game and use playful negging
and teasing to bring down your targets status in relation to your status. Eventually though as
you get more comfortable with your inner game and alpha role, you want to get skilled at
knowing how and when to use compliments and direct game as well as using negs and indirect
game.
Daytime Drills
One of the biggest problems men have with building comfort with women is that they put too
much emphasis on the moment of truth, which is the moment of interaction at the bar or club.
Picture yourself as an athlete, say a basketball player, but you never practice or touch a
basketball except during big games in front of a large amount of people. Imagine how nervous
youd be. Imagine how off your game would be. Youd never do that. Youd practice by yourself
for hours when nothing is on the line and not a lot of people are watching. Youd run drills.
Youd take shot after shot after shot in your spare time. Youd do visualization exercises. And by
the time you hit the big game youd feel a lot less pressure on yourself because you mentally
prepared yourself for this moment.
The same applies for building comfort with women: practice when it doesnt count and when
no one is watching and youll be way more confident and perform much better during game
time. Start a conversation every day with a different attractive woman. Aim for 30 seconds.
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Every woman likes a positive man, and often, positivity takes the form of a good sense of
humor. The problem with giving anyone advice about how to become funnier, is that humor is
universally subjective. Meaning, every culture, sub-culture or individual decides what is funny
on their own. Yeah there are exceptions, people can be told by popular media what they think
is funny, but youre not one of those people because youre reading this article.
Here are some things you can do to become funnier, in chronological order:
First, find out what you like. A sense of humor is as unique as your own DNA (simile). They are
usually a complex combination of joke types, body language, interest in shows/movies, and so
forth. This step should normally be a no-brainer, but youd be surprised at how so many people
dislike comedy.
Once you find out what you like, expose yourself to it. Watch those shows and movies that you
love. Watch them alone or with friends and family. Learn how to laugh out loud when you
watch them, even if youre by yourself. I would caution you, however, not to force it down,
meaning if youre not in the mood to watch a comedy show (sitcoms, late night, etc.) then dont
watch it. If you have the problem of never being in the mood then you need to find out why this
is the case.
Note:
If youre never in the mood to laugh, you may have other issues that are keeping you down. I
suggest you speak to a psychologist, doctor or other professional that can determine why your
mood is always down. You might be surprised to learn about what prevents you from doing
what you love. This can be something as serious as depression or anxiety. However, it can also
mean that youre still, subconsciously, dealing with unresolved matters in your life (such as, a
fight with your dad 6 months ago and you havent talked to him since).
After enough exposure, youre ready to take it to the field. Try to avoid copying other jokes
directly those Borat impressions are no longer funny, so dont do them. Unless youre a
naturally funny guy then you can get away with it, but thats a whole different article. If you
must copy, use a variation of what youve learned instead. For example, if you want to do a
Seinfeld joke, dont just start quoting the show. Do your worst and most annoying Seinfeld
voice and exaggerate a Seinfeld-type joke as much as you can. Make it ridiculous and
unexpected.
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Do You Want Faster and More Powerful Seductions? How the 80/20 Principle applies to PushPull and Cocky-Funny?
Weve all heard about the 80/20 principle first developed by Vilfredo Pareto in the context of
the distribution of income and wealth. My experience and observations have shown that the
80/20 rule applies just as well to push-pull and cocky-funny.
After closely observing naturals who are masters at crazily rapid escalations and seductions,
and after a lot of discussions with PUAs who have really tight game, Ive discovered an
important enhancement to the simplistic push-pull and cocky-funny concepts. This small bit of
fine-tuning can shave a lot of time off your seductions and create much stronger, closer
emotional connections.
Heres my thesis statement (yes, Im an academic, lol): If you want to seduce a woman faster
and have her more powerfully attracted to you, the optimal mix for a man who already has his
fundamentals down (his body language, tonality, and basic inner game) and is interacting with a
confident and attractive woman is 80% pull, 20% push.
Im not going to be too strict about the numbers. But more accurately, the optimal combination
depends on how good the mans fundamentals are and how confident the woman is. Its a
continuum with the upper end of the continuum being 80-20 pull-push.
My experience has also been that pull-push is best mixed with humor. Plus, the pull and the
push are opposite manifestations of cockiness. With push, you are cocky enough to think that
you are too good for the girl, so you push her away. With pull, you are cocky enough to think
that you are irresistible to her and to women in general, and you want her, so you pull her in.
Although there is plenty to say about this combination of push-pull and cocky-funny, Ill leave
that to another article. My focus here is on the 80/20 principle applied to the push-pull
dynamic. Ill assume here that its obvious that push-pull is closely connected to cocky-funny.
For the classic book on push-pull, see Swingcats ebook, Real World Seduction. For cocky-funny,
the best authority is David DeAngelo. Check out his ebook, Double Your Dating, and his DVD
series, Cocky Comedy. I assume at least familiarity with push-pull and cocky-funny as described
in these resources. Christian Hudson and Nick Sparks over at The Social Man are about to
release a product that incorporates all the concepts in Swingcat and David D.s books and then
takes it all to another level. Watch at their site for the release. Were good friends, so Im a little
biased, but you can go over there and check it out for yourself:
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The first thing you need to accept about your body language is that right now youre probably
completely unaware of the mistakes that you are making. For me, it took watching myself on
video a few times to really appreciate how many mistakes I was actually making.
The first part of this lesson I want to make you aware of the different ways you are conveying
low status. Hopefully by being consciously aware of these mistakes you can catch yourself in
the act, and quickly correct them. By taking the time to first break any of these bad habits you
may have, you will be making it possible to accept the new habits I will talk about later.
Body Language mistakes
1. Slouching Over. Slouching over is a way of keeping a low profile. Subconsciously people
slouch because they are timid and dont want attention on them. It portrays an image that you
are socially awkward and unable to properly socialize. People try to blend in with the crowd by
slumping their shoulders, bowing their heads, and taking up as little space as possible.
2. Avoiding Eye Contact. Less confident people tend to look down a lot. They do this because it
is a way of avoiding making a connection with someone. They are afraid that if they catch eye
contact with someone they will be forced to talk or smile or do something else beyond their
comfort zone. By avoiding eye contact with people not only are you giving off a low status vibe,
but youre missing out on opportunities to connect with other human beings.
3. Touching Your Face, Fiddling with Things. When people feel insecure or nervous they start
to have trouble sitting still. Their insecurity eats away at them and they feel forced to
constantly be moving their hands. Some people will rub their chin or neck, other people with
run their hand through their hair, others will juggle the loose change in their pocket. Doing any
of these things immediately screams that you are not comfortable in your present situation.
4. Holding Your Face up with Your Hand. This displays the image that youre too bored or tired
to bother holding up your head straight. It displays a lack of enthusiasm and energy towards
life. These are not the kind of people other people want to interact with... as they appear to
have nothing to offer. It can also give off the impression that youre uncomfortable with the
way you look and are trying to hide your face.
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This next lesson was done as a video and be viewed as the link below:
http://www.tsbmag.com/2008/06/28/building-your-social-circle-day-13/
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Before I start, let me just say that this article is NOT going to be some PROFOUND, complicated,
piece of work that Im trying to make sound more insightful than it probably is
It seems that everyone is doing that nowadays and I think that the message that people are
trying to convey is getting lost in the fray.
That being said, here are the MOST important things that if you get down that will make the
most impact in your dating/relationship life bar none.
They are:
The Opinion Opener
Teasing
Your Look (clothes, hair)
Your Body (best inner game changer EVER!)
If you can get these 4 aspects of your game down youll CRUSH most men.
So with that aside let's get to it let's talk a little about my way of teasing women and how
it sparks sexual tension.
(Note: I DO NOT do this for a living. Im not out at bars testing out my latest and greatest
teasing method nor do I really expect YOU to be. This is just a collection of what I KNOW to
be true from my personal life, and the interactions Ive have with guys that arent having any
problems in the woman department.)
First and foremost, the whole point of teasing is to create a fun environment where a women
can loosen up and open up to you.
Teasing is also a great way to shake someone out of a funk, or get them to see that whatevers
going on it their life really isnt that bad at all.
I dont view it as a way to pull a woman down to your level.
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WHY ONLINE GAME ROCKS AND HOW YOU CAN GET STARTED RIGHT NOW
Now that the internet is such a big part of our lives, at any given point in time there are more
women online than there are in every bar in your city combined. So how are you supposed to
go about meeting and dating women from online? Is a woman weird for meeting a guy from
sites like MySpace and Facebook? Can you actually legitimately meet sane AND hot women
from online?
Every time there is a new way of doing something it takes time for people to get comfortable
with it. In many respects the idea of meeting people online is still fairly new, but thanks to the
emergence and popularity of social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook this is all
changing. In fact, there are well over 200 million members on MySpace alone with around
300,000 new users joining every day from around the world. Facebook is close behind with
about 250,000 new users a day. And guess what???half of those are women!
WHAT TYPES OF GIRLS ARE ON THESE SITES?
Social networking sites are different than traditional dating sites. You should really view them
as an online hang out. Just as you would go to the mall, a bar, the coffee shop or a club to hang
out and meet new people, you can use social networking sites to connect with and meet likeminded new friends.
The fact of the matter is the same women you meet out at bars, clubs, bookstores and coffee
shops are on social networking sites. The girl next door, the hot bartender, that cute girl
standing in line at Starbucks today are all online. And because it is continually becoming more
and more socially acceptable these same girls are open to meeting up with guys they met
online.
Its not just for young people either. Obviously these sites are overflowing with women in their
early 20s and 30s, but there are also tons of women between 34 to 44 as well. Do you really
want to miss out on such an easy way to meet all these women? I didnt think so. But it gets
even better
IMAGINE A BAR FULL OF WOMEN HANDPICKED BY YOU
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DO NOT try to sell yourself by talking about how cool you are, the fun things you do, the
beautiful women you hang out with, etc. You will be perceived as trying too hard to gain
approval.
DO NOT write your life story. Girls who dont know you have no reason to spend their
time reading about you. They will most likely see this and say I dont know you, I dont
care. It is better to be brief yet have variety and keep her guessing, than to write your
whole life story and bore her.
Be Diverse
List a variety of music, movies, and hobby interests.
Be goofy. List movies like The Little Mermaid, and music by artists like the Spice Girls.
Show her you are not a tool.
When writing it is better to be brief yet have variety and keep her guessing, than to
write your whole life story and bore her.
You can even leave out your interests, giving her more reason to search for a connection
with you. Going back to the characteristics women screen for, you want to be an enigma
she wants to figure out.
Be Creative
In your About Me section, be creative. Dont say Im new to this whole MySpace/Facebook
thing or all my friends are on here so I figured I would create an account. Talk about things
like, I love meeting new people or I surround myself with positive, fun, spontaneous, and
outrageous people. It doesnt have to be long. Again, we need just enough to intrigue her, but
not so much as to bore her. Make her curious to find out more about you.
Use Disqualifying Statements
Create a small list of disqualifiers. A disqualifier is any statement that demonstrates you have
standards by declaring that the recipient is unqualified or ineligible for you. Having standards
indicates abundance and a strong sense of identity. You know what you want and you have
enough options so that if a girl does not match up, you can let her go. Here are a few examples
of disqualifying statements:
Rules for being my MySpace/Facebook friend:
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Another option is to put up a qualifying statement on your page. Here is one that we have used
and has been very effective placed under the Who Id Like to Meet section on MySpace or the
About Me section on Facebook: If you are cute rather than hot, clever rather than cool, petite
rather than slim, then I would like to meet you. You must show that you have standar
standards.
Women like men who know what they want. If you do not know what you want, now is the
time to sit down and figure it out.
A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS
The pictures you choose to use on your profile are vitally important. In most cases, these will be
a womans first impression of you. Why not make it as good as possible? The following are
some guidelines to follow when choosing what pictures to use:
Use a variety
You want to have pictures depicting you doing a variety of different activities. You d
dont want to
have twelve pictures of you drinking beer with your buddies. It is as if each picture is showing
off a different side of your personality. As we have already learned, women like a man with
some depth to him. They want a man with a sense of mys
mystery,
tery, a challenge to figure out. Your
pictures can make her curious,
ous, and that is one of the most important first steps to attracting a
woman online.
Choose only the best
Choose only the pictures in which you look the best. If you upload ten pictures and you only
look good in three of them, then the other seven are creating a bad impression. It would be far
better to only have those three in which you look your best. If in doubt, put your pictures up on
a photo-rating
rating site like www.HotorNot.com, and see wh
which
ich ones receive the highest rating.
Embed pictures into your profile
We have found that actually embedding pictures into your profile is the easiest and most
effective way to make a great first impression on girls. This allows a girl to get a snapshot of
how exciting and fun you are. Remember, your page is your way of demonstrating how cool
and how socially desirable you are. Use a range of pictures showing different aspects of your
personality. Have some action shots, some travel shots, some of you with yyour
our niece or your
dog, some partying with hot girls, some doing something goofy, etc.
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Day 16
Tips for Flirting Online
Written by Honey
Originally Published: 07/02/2008
Flirting consists of a variety of tactics, both physical and verbal, that can be used in almost any
situation. We flirt for a variety of purposesfrom screening for a long-term partner, to scoring a
one-night stand, to simply being social. The vast majority of our flirting techniques were
developed for situations in which people were connecting face-to-face. However, in todays
increasingly technological world, flirting online has gone from a geeks- or losers-only pastime to
a necessary skill.
There are three main types of online flirting:
1. Pre-emptive flirting: creating a great profile.
2. Early-stages flirting: the first few e-mails and/or texts.
3. Later-stages flirting: keeping the momentum.
Creating a Great Profile
Whether you have a subscription to an online dating service or not, odds are that you have a
profile on some kind of social networking site. Because people are becoming increasingly
accessible online (you can find out far more about far more people in a day via their profiles
than you could in person), its important that you have a great profile. To have a great profile,
you need to (1) come up in as many searches as possible, and (2) deliver the goods once
someone clicks on your profile.
As far as coming up in random searches, its important to understand how search engines work.
Most searches that you will run are keyword searches (though many online dating services let
you set all types of parameters via advanced search forms). Verbs dont usually fare too well in
keyword searches because there are so many conjugations (run, ran, running). If you are the
one searching, to run a successful search you are better off putting in a noun: runner.
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I like to hang out with friends, have fun, and watch movies.
On any given Tuesday, you can find me at BJs brewery with friends, sipping on a
Jeremiah Red and talking about how Robert Downey Jr.s performance saved Iron Man.
When I told my buddy that I thought The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor stood a
chance of being decent, he almost spit his beer out! What a waste of a great porter.
How about you and I go see it and then tell my friend how wrong he was about Jet Li?
Now the first thing youll probably notice is that the second example is much longer. Well,
thats no accident. While you dont want to go on and on, the two big keys to a great profile are
making sure your profile is upbeat (no one wants to date a bummer) and saying something of
substance. For heavens sake, if the online world is like a giant bar, then how can you come off
as a person of value if you dont have anything to offer beyond clichs?
The First Few E-mails
Unsurprisingly, my advice about the first few e-mails (or online chats, if youre into thatIm
not, for reasons Ill explain) is pretty similar to my advice about profiles. List specifics. Tell
stories. Ask questions.
However, one caveat is never, ever, wink at someone, or poke them or any of that gay sh#t.
Man up and give the lady (or fella) some real communication. For anyone whos been on these
types of sites for any amount of time at all, these half-ass forms of communication are reviled
and make you seem wussy (which, if youre too chicken to make a real first move, you kinda
are).
Now, in a seemingly contradictory move, if someone winks at you and you at all like their
profile, you should definitely respond back with an e-mail. You know theyre interested, so half
your work is already done for you! You can tease them about using a wink at some point later
on.
The formula for a great early e-mail is pretty simple:
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If they e-mailed or winked at you first, thank them for doing so.
Say something specific that you liked about their profile, and word it as a compliment ("I
couldnt help but be excited when I noticed that you are an animal lover).
Tell a story from your own experience that relates to what you liked about their profile
(Ive never been a dog person, but last summer I found an abandoned Jack Russell in
the parking lot of my complex. I looked for his owners, but never found them. Now a
year later hes there to greet me when I get home from work!).
As a question that escalates the interaction to the next level, i.e. a phone call or a
meeting, and also starts to build a non-threatening sexual vibe (Maybe we should meet
up at the dog park Saturday afternoon? I promise, only one of us bites).
Im not a believer in asking for the digits but rather proposing the meetup. The reason for this is
that the other person will then offer their digits without you having to weaken your position at
all by asking!
I met my BF on Myspace, and our first couple of interactions followed the pattern above. I sent
him a one-line e-mail, and he e-mailed me back to say that we had a favorite author in
common. After a couple exchanges he tried to add me as a friend and couldnt because he
didnt know my last name. When he e-mailed to ask, I said, Im sorry, I dont add people that I
havent met in person. He said, How about beer on Friday? And that was our first date
The reason that Im going to come out against online chat is that (and I know this is a personal
pet peeve) I hate all that misspelling and textspeak. Type real words, damnit! And since I type
about 70 wpm and hardly anyone else does, its pretty tough for me to come off as anything
except overly chatty.
I like e-mail because you can control the length and content as well as proofread for spelling
and other errors before you hit send. Its just much easier to put your best foot forward when
you use e-mail as your medium. If they suggest chatting, go for itjust remember the possible
cons.
Keeping the Momentum
Once youve met in person, a flirty e-mail is a great tool to keep in touch, sustain momentum,
and keep your interactions light and fun. The big tips:
Again, use real words, spell everything correctly, and make sure youre not e-mailing a work
account.
Keep your e-mails brief and stick to one topic; you should be teasing her with the
promise of your presence, not overwhelming her with super-long e-mails (which also
kind of make you look like a loser who has nothing better to do in your spare time).
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Dont send more than two e-mails per day, and dont you dare send that second e-mail
until you hear back from her first. Again, the goal is to sustain momentum, not to come
across as desperate or stalker-ish.
Keep it light! You should be making deep connections in persontrying to do so over email just makes you a bummer, since so many nuances, tone, and body language is lost
when its just a window on someones computer screen. Tease, make a mild sexual
comment, or just say how much youre looking forward to your next meetup.
Flirting is an art, and the keys are paying attention to the other person, avoiding clichs at all
costs, and knowing when enoughs enough. Best of luck!
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So let me paint the picture. You see a hot chick at a club, shopping centre or the tennis club.
You build up the guts to talk to her, make her laugh and somehow manage to get her number.
You think to yourself SWEET!! Im in.
You end up calling her a couple of days later, like the rule book suggests... to ask her out on a
date. She doesnt pick up. You think 'hey she is busy' and you try again later that same day. You
still dont get a response. So you call again and finally you get an answer. You talk to her
expecting that things are going to pick up where you left off and are utterly stunned when she
starts making excuses as to why she cant meet up with you. She says that she will get back to
you and she never does. You are left scratching your head, thinking to yourself where did it go
wrong?
So here is the thing.
Some of you may be baffled by this whole situation.
To some of you it doesnt make sense.
Well Im going to lay out for you what is REALLY happening and what you really SHOULD be
doing.
Sound good?
Let's get started.
Rule # 1 - Dont Contact Her for At Least 48 Hours
I know it sounds hard doesnt it? But you have to stick by these rules. Because when you can't
wait for the 48 hours you appear needy and in need of a life.
Here is the thing. I have been on dates with guys and literally like 2 minutes after the date they
are msging me and telling me what a great time they had on the date and how they would like
to see me again.
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Text game is an integral part of my arsenal. Before I get started, I want to say a few words
about writing style. Good spelling and punctuation; use it! Dont use cutesy textspeak (ur
instead of your, etc), use punctuation, and supplement your lines with smiley's and other
emoticons. Why the big deal about grammar and spelling? Because if youre using good English,
youre coming from a position of high value and it shows you have a command of language.
Obviously, language is part and parcel of what pickup is all about. This also sets you apart from
the legions of dorks who cant spell worth a crap. I have a few exceptions here. I use a few
acronyms, such as OMG or WTF. WTF is a good one, because you avoid the profanity but still
express surprise or shock.
Also, consider this. Im a bit older, around 30, and the girls I socialize with are high value
woman in their mid or late 20s that are educated. Using textspeak on a 28 year woman with an
MBA would totally de-attract her. To get the high value woman, keep your language as tight as
possible.
Okay, I use texting for the following reasons:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Flirting.
Maintaining a connection.
Escalation.
Quick scheduling or announcements when Im on the go.
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Besides sex, first dates are the most fun part of the game. You have two people who barely
know each other alone and isolated with sexual tension and possibility in the air. Here are a few
things to make them more successful.
1. Pick the right day. Dont try to do a first date on a weekend, especially if you havent kissed
her yet. Weekend dates send the wrong message that you value her too much; ready to give a
primetime night to someone you just met. Plus chances are she will be busier on weekends
anyway. Stick to Monday through Thursday for the first date.
2. Pick the right venue. You can get a lot done taking girls to coffee and ice cream dates, but if
your goal is to get into her pants as fast as possible, you must go for drinks. Start the date at a
quiet bar well after dinner so you dont have to worry about getting food. Even if the date is
short of a blockbuster, its very hard not to get at least a make out if shes had three drinks in
her.
3. Preparation. There is no way you can memorize enough routines for a two hour or more
date, and even if you can it would be a stupid waste of energy. Youre going to have to be, well,
real and this is where I hope your vibe is fun and interesting. If not then dates will be a
challenge. The only thing I do before dates is have two fun routines ready, usually the cube and
some type of fake palm read. I also remind myself of a handful of innocent touching moves that
prime her for the kiss.
Quick tip: On your way to dates call up a couple friends and shoot the shit for a while. Since first
dates are mostly a talking affair, you want that part of your brain ready. The worst thing you
can do is lounge around at home all day in front of your computer and then go out without
talking beforehand.
4. Shes more nervous than you are. Its natural to be nervous, especially with the pressure of
getting laid hanging over your head. But I guarantee you she is more nervous than you are,
simply because shes a girl and we all know the ones who cant even go to the bathroom
without a friend. The more you have your internal game straightened out and believe a girl
should prove her value to you, the less you will be nervous. Think of her on a stage, twirling and
spinning for your pleasure. Whether this is reality or not doesnt matter just believe it.
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A few years ago I was going through a slump with women. It was not so much that I wasnt
meeting any; it was that the ones I was meeting just werent up to my standards. These girls
were falling for me quickly, and I would soon have to break their hearts. It was depressing me. I
was really starting to believe that either there were no quality girls left in the world, or that I
just couldnt attract the ones I wanted.
About that time I went on Match.com. A little while after going on the site I started an online
flirtation with this cute Filipino girl. She would write me these long rambling emails at four in
the morning (that were just the most amusing things to read) and I soon found myself very
attracted to her. We made arrangements to meet.
When she arrived at my house, she was even hotter than her online photos portrayed her to
be. Within minutes of talking to her I was already feeling like this was going to be different. I
was sensing a connection I didnt feel with the other girls.
When we got to the bar, things went even better. The conversation was flowing naturally, we
were laughing a lot, doing shots together, and teasing one another it was genuinely the best
date I had in months. Mid way through the date I was already imagining our future together.
Although I didnt get a kiss that night, she came back to my house for a bit, and the evening
ended on a high note.
The next day I couldnt stop thinking about her. And although it had only been one day since I
saw her, it felt like an eternity. My better judgment told me to wait a day or two before
contacting her again but I couldnt help it, I sent her an email that night. Something along the
lines of had a really great time last night. What day this week do you want to play tennis (we
had talked about playing tennis on the date)
She didnt respond to the email for a couple days. When she did respond, all she wrote was I
had a good time too. You are a really funny guy, She never mentioned the tennis invite. The
night I got her email I called her. She didnt answer so I left a message. She never called me
back. I waited a week then emailed her again Guess we didnt connect as much as I thought
or something AFC like that. She wrote back the next day saying Sorry Ive just been busy.
Youre really nice Im just not sure what Im looking for right now in terms of relationships.
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Sexual tension happens when two individuals feel attracted to each other, but dont have sex,
at least not yet. It doesnt always lead to sex, though usually it does, and could go on and on for
a lifetime without the individuals concerned acting on it. In simple terms, its the chemistry
that happens between individuals who like each other.
When Sparks Fly
Extreme attraction develops under the safe haven of friendship. Friends have several things in
common; they communicate a lot and spend time together. At what point does the attraction
build so that individuals enjoying a platonic friendship just let go and freely act on the
attraction? This happens when sexual tension peaks.
I dated a guy who I shared a wonderful friendship with before going for the plunge. Wed see
each other constantly and while all the things we did were wholesome, there was an
undercurrent of attraction that cant be ignored. In fact, if our wholesome scenes were to be
made into a movie, the viewer would be most likely banging his head on his popcorn saying
get on with it already!
The main trouble is that whenever we are in alone dates, the devil called friendship
conscience comes in to ruin everything. The following words echo through our minds:
Hey, weve known each other too long to let something like a relationship ruin our friendship.
We both know we are not ready for that.
And so, nothing happens, and the onlooker throws his soda at the screen.
Escalating the Sexual Tension
Here are some subtle things a guy can do to fan the flames of burning attraction and cross the
border between friends and friends-with-benefits:
1. At one or the others place, watch a movie with a story line that involves sexual tension Not porn, mind you, but one that has a gripping plot and an explosive love scene. Think Top
Gun (Tom Cruise) and Disclosure (Demi Moore). Or better yet, ditch the romance movies and
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This lesson is going to be a guideline for some general rules when it comes to maintaining your
place. Obviously if you are in high school or college your place is going to look a little different
than someone out of college making $100,000 a year.
While your choice of decor may change, the fundamentals will always stay the same. Your
place should serve a couple purposes.
First, you should feel comfortable there. Although you want create an at home feel for
yourself, you dont want to overwhelm visitors with your personal taste. What your goal should
be is for your place to be a reflection of yourself. Your best sel,f that is.
Second, your place should provide some interesting conversation pieces for those visiting.
Many times you will have someone you barely know back at your place. The easiest way to
relieve that tension is to have a bunch of interesting pictures, furnishing, or decor for them to
comment on.
Third, your place should provide an environment that makes the women feel insanely
comfortable. The more comfortable they feel at your place the more likely they will be to
spend time there.
One of the most important ways to make your place a comfortable place for both you and the
women in your life to spend time at is to keep it clean.
A Guideline for keeping your place clean
1. Dust. Focus your dusting on everything that can be seen. The most important areas are
surfaces that are visible such as corners, floors, tables, TV, sofa.
2. Get rid of stains. Stains just reek of low class. If your floor has splashes of spaghetti
sauce, or your counter is filled with grease get it up. If your couches have stains on
them cover them with some kind of soft blanket.
3. Wipe down windows, mirrors, and glass table. Windows are an easy thing to clean and
will make the room appear much nicer when they dont have dust and smudges
reflecting off of them. The same can be said for mirrors and glass tables.
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Dirty sheets, blankets, and pillows. Especially in the summer time, these need to be
changed often.
Dump ashtrays regularly
Take out the garbage daily
Put gym gear in the laundry room
Food remains should be wiped up immediately
Get rid of all clutter. If there are items laying around that you no longer make use of;
either throw them away or put them in the basement or garage.
Dont leave random stuff lying around. It communicates that you are a disorganized
person.
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Put your clothes away. This is so simple, yet so many of us continue to leave shirts,
pants, sneakers lying all over our bedroom.
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If youre reading this, youre probably looking for ways to obtain more sex in your life. Perhaps
you want something more than just sex or perhaps not. Either way, what separates true sex
from porn is that the former involves touch whereas the latter is viewed through the pixels of a
computer screen. Sex cannot happen without contact and neither can seduction. Too many
guys make the mistake of focusing all their efforts on conversation and while your words may
peak her interest, your touch is what will drive her wild with intense desire.
From the moment a woman lays eyes on you, shes unconsciously wondering how youll be in
bed. Will you take charge as she surrenders her body to you or will you look to her on what to
do? Will you be affectionate and attentive to her needs or will you just slam it in a few times
and leave? Do you actually know what youre doing in the bedroom or will she have to teach
you like all the other guys? All of that is conveyed through your eye contact and touch.
Weve all read the now famous DiCarlo Escalation Ladder (DEL), which will give you the nuts
and bolts of what to do, but not necessarily the mindset behind it. Guys who arent used to
touching women will just lay their hands on her as if theyre in a video game. They earn five
points for every time they brush her arm or tap her back. When I touch a woman, I dont play
for points; I play for pleasure.
When I think of touch, I imagine that my hands are like paintbrushes plastering my emotions
onto her body. Call me the Jackson Pollack of seduction: I paint her arms her arms and torso
now so that I can sprinkle some more on her face laterwith my other special brush. So, when
first talking to a girl, I will often just lightly touch her outer arms and torso with my fingers as
Im talking to her. I see it as expressive: you touch her as you talk to emphasize important
points. That touch is more subtle and friendly, aimed at just making her comfortable and more
trusting. During high points in the interaction, however, your touch should become more
appreciative.
Touch serves two purposes: to emphasize what youre saying to her and to appreciate her. An
example of appreciation could be that in talking to her, she reveals that she works as a nurse.
That immediately peaks your interest as your mom was a nurse and you realize the resiliency
and compassion necessary for the job. Rather than just telling her how awesome that is, you
should also touch her arm and hold it there a few seconds longer than usual and perhaps even
stroke it.
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Body language is one of the most underrated, overlooked, and powerful elements in your social
arsenal. The classic study on the elements of communication by Professor Albert Mehrabian
(1971, Silent Messages Wadsworth, Belmont, California) found that nonverbal
communication accounts for as much as 93% of all communication. Body language itself makes
up more than half of that. So it should come as no surprise that what you say isnt near as
important as how and when you say it. In cold approach pick up, the individual who uses body
language effectively often has significantly better results than his less-enlightened
counterparts. In this article well be delving into the use of body language to convey high value,
how to show interest or disinterest non-verbally, and fixing common sticking points and pitfalls.
Lets begin.
An interesting thing about body language is that it tends to override your verbal. In other
words, people will believe your nonverbal communication more than even what you actually
say. So if your verbally sub communicate high value but your non-verbal says the opposite,
people will tend to trust the body language over the words. While seemingly counter-intuitive,
the fact is most people tend to place more trust in forms of communication that are harder to
consciously alter. We can lie with our words quite easily. Lying with our body language is much
more difficult. Because your body language is so incredibly consistent, women especially have
found that its generally a very effective way to evaluate others. And therein lays both the
problem and the effectiveness of body language. Its very difficult to change, but when you are
successful, it conveys much more influence than other forms of communication.
One of the most effective uses for body language is communicating value. We do this by
consciously altering our behaviors and mannerisms from unattractive to attractive. Imagine two
men, both of equal confidence, looks, attractiveness, and other factors. But one man makes eye
contact when he speaks and the other looks away and fails to make eye contact. Who is more
attractive? The objective is to sub-communicate through our body language that we are highvalue (read: attractive) men. By high-value, we mean that we have high quantities of the
social and evolutionary value to which people respond. A high-value man is one who
encompasses all of the qualities and mannerisms that women are hard-wired to find attractive.
Think: confidence, leadership ability, power, attractiveness to other women, strength, internally
validated, etc.
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You probably noticed as far back as grade school, that girls are attracted to guys who possess a
bit of that bad boy persona. In fact, if youre like most us, youve probably often asked yourself
why all girls like the assholes? or How come the jerks get all the girls?
This is not so say that being a bad boy makes you an asshole or a jerk. The reason most of us
viewed these guys as assholes or jerks is simply because we were jealous and envious that
these guys were always dating the girls that we wanted, while we were getting stuck in the
friend zone. So instead of trying to learn from these jerks whom we werent alpha enough to
hang with, we found it easier to blame society for our lack of success with women, and create
an acceptable excuse for ourselves, women only like the assholes.
Well boys, its time to MAN up!
There is plenty that can be learned from these bad boys. Even if some of their reckless
behavior will never suit your personality, you can try adopting some of their character traits to
increase your attractiveness.
If youve found yourself too often getting stuck in the friend zone, it is simply because that is
the vibe that youve been sending off.
You want to shed your nice guy image?
It is impossible to try to imitate specific bad boy behavior. It will come across forced and
insincere. Instead, put yourself in their mindset. Live life through their eyes.
The Bad Boy trait you should emulate
1. Youre fearless. Most people are insecure. Most people suffer some form of anxiety
disorder. Most people are held back by various forms of fear.
If you want to stand out in a crowd; live a fearless existence. Feel the fear; then do it anyway.
Most of our fears are completely unwarranted. Most fear stems from our need for approval.
We are held back by our fear of losing our job, our fear of being laughed at, our fear of going
broke, our fear of rejection, our fear of ruining our reputation, our fear of making a mistake.
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For the sake of this lesson I am going to make a couple assumptions. First, I am going to assume
that the female friend youre interested in has firmly placed you in the friend zone. I will also
assume that you are actually friends with her and not just an acquaintance. This means you
spend a reasonable amount of time with her, and communicate often through phone, texts, or
Myspace/Facebook.
Bobbys Step by Step Plan
The first thing that you need to do is effectively disappear from your friends life. This means
cut off phone calls, text messages, emails, and visits.
This is to be done without making her feel like youre mad at her. The whole goal is to make her
wonder what is going on in your life that you no longer have time for her. When she contacts
you dont answer the phone call, text or email immediately. Wait a day or two before getting
back to her. When you do talk to her be pleasant, but brief and vague.
You should spend at least one month apart. The better friends you are with this girl, the longer
this process should go on. What you are doing here is confusing her, and the confusion will
cause her to spend more time thinking about you.
Her simply missing you will not be enough to stir up immense attraction for you. While youre
gone you also need to arouse some jealously on her part. Although you will be vague, you
should always be implying that really great things are going on in your life. This is a fine line that
you have to be careful as you walk. She can never feel like youre bragging, trying to make her
jealous, or lying The whole attitude should be that really great things are going on in your
life but youre holding back from telling her because you dont want to make her feel bad.
Vagueness is the key to this part.
Now you need to amplify the jealousy and confusion. A great way to do this is to call her and
ask her to hang out. Assuming enough time has gone, she will be relieved that you finally
called and her jealousy and confusion will dwindle Just when she thinks things are going
back to the status quo... cancel the plans with her. When you cancel dont schedule a new date.
Once again, be vague.
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If you are serious and strict about following the plan I laid out in part one of turning a friend
into a lover then you will have built up an ample amount of tension and anticipation. It is critical
that you immediately capitalize on this built up tension. It is extremely easy to slip back into the
status quo if you drop your guard.
Let's talk about how to capitalize on this built up anticipation.
When you finally decide to hang out with your friend again you need to invite her to an event
that is on your terms. This means inviting her to a party youre hosting or a night out with you
and your friends. The goal of this first meeting is to display the new you in action.
Once youve established a meeting point (bar, club, party) you need to arrive there early. Once
you get to the location you need to establish yourself as the social charming guy of the evening.
Hopefully youll have invited some other girls you know as well. If not, you need to begin
making new friends immediately. When your female friend arrives it is critical that youre
already engaged in some conversation with attractive women. If you havent brought girls with
you, then you need to be an opening machine. I dont care if you have to open every set in the
bar find one that sticks.
When your friend finally arrives you should be talking to some girls. You are to acknowledge
her, but do not immediately run to her side. Let her feel a little awkward and uncomfortable for
awhile. How many times has she done that to you?
I just want to add something in: Do not get too drunk. You can easily ruin everything youve
been working for by losing control of yourself and saying or doing the wrong thing. I would
maintain nothing more than a good buzz throughout the night.
During this evening you should be bouncing back and forth between your friend and the other
girls in the location. For the short intervals that you spend with your friend the conversation
should only consist of light and flirtatious talk. It is important that you spend this time building
sexual tension through teasing her and using kino.
The time that you spend with her you need to be quickly escalating the kino. Sexual escalation
is more effective because it is less ambiguous: hold her hand (use an excuse of looking at her
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If shes comfortable with that or looks at you in a seductive fashion it's on. Go in for the kiss.
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Im guessing since Im getting married in September (lets see how that goes) is why I was asked
to write about managing a relationship for the 31 days series. Apologies in advance for the long
post, but the stuff below is golden. If you are interested in a relationship, be it monogamous,
MLTR, or just a fuck buddy hopefully you can pick something up from this. I am not a guru;
these are just guidelines Ive been taught and implemented that have worked wonders. Im not
re-inventing the wheel here, these are not my ideas. To give credit so I dont step on any toes
or get a lawsuit thrown at me, most of these are Sebastian Drakes concepts.
Here we go
Lets be blunt herewhen women get complacent in a relationship they tend to treat their guy
like shit. If you think Im joking head to the mall on a Saturday afternoon, buy a drink, then sit
down and watch couples interact. Its a mind-blowing experience to watch how some guys get
treated in publicand they put up with it. Heres a true story. One of my good friends got
married a while back. Honeymoon was great, everything was normal. Then she quit her job
and took over the finances. He was GIVEN a $20 allowance per week with the money he
earned. The marriage lasted six months until he finally flipped. Guys, while sad this can be
prevented.
The Vase Concept
This is the best analogy Ive heardrelationships are like a vaseclay and water getting molded
together on a wheel. You only have a set amount of time, maybe two months to make things
how you want them to be. Once the vase gets thrown into the oven and hardened, there it is
and good luck changing it. Were all creatures of habit. If you decide one day youre going to
break the mold with a girl youve been seeing the vase cracksyeah, good luck with that. Its
not that it cant be fixed, it just takes a hell of a lot of time to do it (and this goes double for
friends or ex-girlfriends who already know you). Should put a little perspective on the divorce
rate in this country.
Precedence is absolutely key. We all get caught up in the moment when were with a new girl
we like. Something in our heads wants to make her happy and seek approval. If she asks you
to do something, and this can be anything you seriously dont want to do (going to plays,
singing karaoke, fancy dinners, doing the laundrywhatever). DO NOT do it from day one.
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If you want to have the ability to call a girl up every night of the week for a late night booty call;
you need to be good in bed.
It doesnt matter how great of a pick-up artist you are; if you dont perform in the bedroom you
will never be able to create a life of unlimited options. Sexual options with women stems from
building up a network of women who love having sex with you. Women who still want to sleep
with you even after they realize that youre not boyfriend material. That is true sexual power.
In this lesson I want to give you guys some tips for improving this area of your life. I recently
wrote a post about becoming a better lover where I discussed the art of reading the signs that a
woman is giving you and continuing to push her in that direction.
Above all this is the number one trait of a good lover. You need to be able to recognize what a
woman is enjoying. You need to tailor everything to the girl youre having sex with at this
particular moment. You need to make her feel like you know her inside and out. Even if she
knows youre a player, she has to feel an intense sexual connection with you.
This starts with the kiss. If she is a slow passionate kisser, slow your style down so your tongues
mesh together. If shes an aggressive and dominant kisser sit back and follow her lead. Shell
walk away thinking you were the best kisser in the world... simply because you mirrored her
style.
Youll need to increase your stamina. If you want a mind blowing sexual session it has to last
more than ten minutes. If you know youve got a habit of finishing quickly than make sure you
extend the foreplay. Use your hands and mouth to create intense sexual tension. Explore every
area of her body until she is practically begging for it. Most girls really enjoy receiving oral sex
learn to read the signs she is giving you and get her pussy gushing from the oral.
But even after some powerful foreplay you need to follow up an even more powerful lay.
Increase your stamina and last longer by focusing on pleasing her rather than how good you
feel, using breathing patterns, use positions that youre less likely to finish with, and by
practicing. You also want to build up your energy level as well as increasing your testosterone
level which will only fuel your fire in the bedroom.
Everything listed above are the fundamentals needed to become a better lover. Below Ive
listed some general tips to improve the overall experience.
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There comes a time in every players life where he is forced to end relations with a female he
no longer enjoys spending time with. The irony of this is that you will probably find it is more
difficult to end it with a girl than it was to get her.
It is never easy to end things with a girl and every situation will be different. But there is one
constant rule that does not change.
The longer you wait to end it; the harder it will be.
Now that youre out meeting and dating a variety of girls youll quickly find that you wont be
on the same page as most of them.
This is because while you may view her as practice or fun for the moment or somewhere
to dump your load she may have completely other thoughts running through her mind in
regards to what the two of you have together.
Eventually you are bound to hear one of these 3 evil questions:
1. Where do we stand?
2. What is this?
3. Where is this going?
If youve been dating a girl that you have no intention of making your girlfriend than you need
to change the way you view these 3 questions.
I used to hate when a girl asked me one of these questions. I used to fear it, and pray that
things will roll along at the status quo. I hated the way I had to lie or change topics or be
extremely vague with my answer. And what I hated more, was when months later, when I
finally had the balls to end it, the girl would throw it in my face how I should have just been
honest with her back when she asked where this was going.
Well, now Ive learned to love when a girl asks me one those questions because Ive learned
to just be honest with her.
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Today is the last day in the 31 Days to Better Game series and as a result I want to make your
last task a little reflective and forward looking.
Your task today is to run a SWOT Analysis on yourself.
A SWOT analysis is a strategic tool that has been used for many years in business (and many
other fields) to look at the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats that that business
might have or be facing.
Much has been written about SWOT analysis and how to carry it out (Ill let you do some
searches on Google for it if youre not familiar with it) however let me write a brief description
of how to apply it to yourself.
1. Define Your Mission and Goals
Before you carry out your SWOT its important that you know what your goals are (otherwise
the exercise is a little pointless as youve got nothing to review yourself based upon). As a result
youll want to have done Day 1s task - Designing Your LIfe.
2. List Your Strengths
What attributes do you have that will help you to achieve your goals? What do you have going
for you? What are your strong points with approaching, dating, relationships? What resources
and assets do you have at your disposal? What do you do better than anyone else?
3. List Your Weaknesses
What attributes do you have that are holding you back from achieving your goals? What skills
do you not have as a successful player, pua, or alpha male? What is broken on your game?
What could or should you improve about yourself? What should you probably avoid in your
gaming? What is distracting you from your goals?
4. List Your Opportunities
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