Running head: PERSONAL LOSS HISTORY

Personal Loss History

JoAnn Norman-Metcalf
Ferris State University

Abstract

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Taking an inventory of the personal losses in my life is an intimate expression
of the way I cope with death. This paper contains information about personal
losses I have experienced in my life. It also includes my feelings of personal
loss and how I cope with loss and grief. Personal Loss History
The loss of a person we love is a personal issue. Most often, only we
know what is significant to us, we can only try to begin to understand when
we take the time to do a personal inventory of our feelings. This paper
explores the feelings that I have had with personal loss and some of my
innermost feelings about the first death I remember and the most recent loss
I have had.

Analysis of Personal Loss

The first death I can remember was the death of my grandfather; I was
about 10 years old. The feelings that I remember I had at the time were
feeling of anxiety because I was in a place where I had never been before
and there were a lot of people who I did not know. My grand-fathers funeral
was the first that I had attended. Several things that I remember about that
experience were related to the atmosphere we were in. When growing up we
went to church every Sunday, we lived in the country and were rarely
exposed to the city or any of the fancy churches and clothing they wore. I
remember that we were at a large church with long hallways and people that
were well dressed, men wearing suits and women in large hats and dresses
with all accessories matching. I remember that some of these people had on

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nurses uniforms with white gloves (ushers). It was a very long service which
included a trip to the cemetery, we stayed hours after and went back to the
church to eat. As a child I remember attending several funerals, my parents
felt like death was not something children should be afraid of and that it was
an extension of teaching us respect. The most recent loss by death was that
of my mother-in-law. She was placed in a nursing home about 2 years before
she died and she was at peace. She did not want to be a burden to her
children and was happy there spreading her smile and love with those who
needed it most. It was very difficult for me because she had really wrapped
her arms around me and showed me love and support after the passing of
my own mother who I was very close to. Even though I was married to her
youngest son, she treated me like I was her daughter .We often spent
countless hours together talking and laughing exchanging stories. She was
the person I could share all of my thoughts, worries and fears with without
being judged therefore, she was like having a second mother. Because my
mother and my mother in-law were close friends, we often shared stories
about what a wonderful person my mother was. When I lost my mother-in
law, I felt like I lost my mother all over again. I coped with her death as I did
with the death of my own mother, by living my life to the fullest including :
trying to live the way my mothers would, to be an example for my children
and grandchildren, listen to those I love with an open mind and to love
unconditionally. Because both of my mothers were very sick, the thought of
them being pain free was comfort enough and I believe by living a life that

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includes the creator of all things, I will see my mothers again and this is
what ultimately got me through the times of accelerated grief and sadness.
Of the most important people in my life ,the most difficult death for me now
would be the death of one of my sons whose lives are just beginning .My
prayer and hope is to see them grow up ,live a healthy , Christian life
surrounded by a lot of family and friends and to be a productive member of
society. It is appropriate for me to share my experiences with grief with my
patients when it is evident that they are struggling with the loss of a loved
one. I do not hesitate to share with my patients I believe it is therapeutic for
both of us.

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Analysis of Responses

Our past and present experiences including personal and educational

components influence the way we cope with death. I especially liked an
article I read by Cooper (2013), he talks about people dealing with grief
differently and whether it is a client or someone who is close to you, You
cannot let the burden of death bring you down into the darkness we should
use alternative methods such as laughter, embracing, acknowledging or
reminiscing as a way to express and deal with grief and loss. My personal
experience with loss is that family is a source of unbreakable strength; they
are the key to getting through the tough times. Being able to reminisce, look
at pictures, tell stories, remembering something they said, all keeps
memories alive and sometimes that is all we have. We must find a way to
continue to live our lives regardless of the losses we face.

Conclusion/Summary
Death is inevitable for all living things. Nothing can prepare us when
death is looming. Our current loss is only a reminder of the previous losses
we have had. Our own attitudes about death shape the way we cope with it.
Death encompasses cultural, societal, philosophical and religious beliefs but
also include our own personal attitudes that are formulated and interpreted
differently by others (Dunn, Otten & Stephens, 2005). Death can be looked at
as a final fulfillment of the will of God, or as a significant traumatic
experience. I believe because I was brought up in the church and it became a

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regular part of my adult life, I have thought of death as Gods calling on one
to become an angel in heaven to look over those still living. Giving credit to
family tradition and the upbringing I cherish, and as far back as I can
remember, death is a celebration. My faith serves as a source of comfort for
me; it allows me to express love and joy for this life. In the time of sorrow
there is no question about the significance of God in my life who is my source
of hope and strength. As I age it appears that time slowly strips me of the
world I knew and the people I love. The grief I have experienced in my life
always leads me back to my faith. As an individual and as a nurse, I feel that
God has put me where I need to be, serving as a source of comfort to my
family, friends and to my patients while learning more about myself, how to
serve others and how to embrace life every day that I live.

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References

Dunn, K.S, Otten, C., Stephens, E. (2005). Nursing Experience and the Care
of Dying Patients. Oncology Nursing Forum-Vol: 32(1)
Ferrel, R. R and Coyle, N (2010). Textbook of Palliative Nursing (3rd ed.). New
York, N.Y. Oxford University Press.
Cooper, M. (2013). A Death in the Family. Retrieved from:
http://www.plaintiffmagazine.com/Sept13/Cooper_A-death-in-thefamily_Plaintiff-article.pdf