Developing excellent and effective thesis statements

Definition: thesis statement = topic/concept + opinion

Importance: In essence, a strong thesis makes for a strong essay. The thesis states your
ideas and opinions creating a clear direction and structure to your essay by LINKING the
topic sentences of your paragraphs back to your thesis statement.
The expectations:
Elements of a strong thesis statements
(To dos)

A thesis statement is NOT

Complete sentences
Specific
Take a stand
Communicate an opinion and idea
It can help to provide
boundaries/limitations to your essay

Posing a question instead of

providing a thesis statement
Provide a quotation as a
substitute for a thesis
statement
In this essay I will.
Supposed to be the same as
everyone elses in the
advanced cohort

Location: in the last sentence of your introduction

The steps to develop a thesis statement

break down the

question

plan your
response

develop
your
thesis
statement

Examples of past assessment questions:

Time is a key factor in determining human behaviour. Discuss this statement with
reference to your prescribed text and TWO related texts of your own choosing.
Time: an enduring preoccupation with texts. Discuss this statement with reference
to Baraka and ONE poem of your own choosing.
Time is oppressive and controllable. Discuss this statement with reference to
Baraka and ONE poem of your own choosing.
What insights have you acquired on the nature of time through its representation
in poetry and film?

HW TASK these are the instructions

Evaluate these paragraphs using the criteria below (this is taken from your upcoming assessment
outline) and make an informed judgement (using evidence) on how well these paragraphs reflect
the thesis statement and the question. Both Paragraphs were completed in exam conditions.

Analyses perceptively how time is represented

Compose a skillful response using language appropriate to form

The question: Time is a key factor in determining human behaviour. Discuss this statement with
reference to your prescribed text and TWO related texts of your own choosing.
Sample paragraph 1
Mr Ellis overview of the essay - The following is the second body paragraph of an essay that
argued that lifes limitation by time, our mortality, gave our life purpose and determined our
morality, the driving force behind action. The essay used Oscar Wildes The Picture of Dorian Gray
as a RT. It also showed that, due to the universality of mortality, time was a great equalizer across
different contexts.
A students sample response from last year - In the film, Baraka, recognition of mortality is
expressed differently depending on the culture, time or place. This demonstrates that different
interpretations of time have led to contrasting behaviour. In one scene, a Buddhist monk sits
quietly meditating, alone and completely still. The stillness portrayed in the scene almost makes
the restless modern viewer uncomfortable. The monks recognition of his existence has led to his
focus on ethical, spiritual behaviour. This is portrayed through the slow, natural music and the
salient central focus on the monk. The length of the shot highlights the meditative quality. This
scene contrasts to the time lapsed scene of a busy Tokyo. This scene focuses on the consumerist
behaviour undertaken by humans and how it affects their actions. Their movement through the
station together makes them unidentifiable apart and suggests that their busy, materialistic lives
makes them ignorant of their own existence and morality. The time lapse used demonstrates the
fast pace at which people move and how their lack of self-awareness is replaced by their business
purposes.
Sample paragraph 2
Mr Ellis overview of the essay - This second essay showed that time causes human behaviour,
even when we are trying to overcome its power. It argued that we can minimize the effects of
time through religious transcendence, but can never fully be free from its determination. It was
structured around the three ideas of using time wisely, minmising the effects of time and
transcendence. The response used The Sun Rising as its related text.
A students sample response from last year - In a modern society, more emphasis is based on
spending our time wisely, as different activities force humanity to live at a quicker pace. This can
have a significant impact on human behaviour, as people quickly find themselves carrying out
actions that seem immoral or irrational. An example of this can be taken from a sweatshop scene
in the film Baraka. In this instance, Fricke uses time-lapse photography to record the workings of a
cigarette factory in a third world Asian country. Combined with a wide-shot frame and fast tempo
music, the time lapse conveys a sense of haste and builds emotional pressure. This scene is typical
of a problem faced by audiences in the early 1990s, as financial booms in the Western World
drove a consumer movement. This forced companies to find a cheap solution to keep up with
demans, employing the questionable concept of sweatshops in under-developed nations. From
this example, the effect of time on human behaviour is shown, as these people continually work
and are forced to keep up with company demands on their time. This leaves the audience
uncomfortable and calls them to evaluate human behaviour in relation to time.