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SpencerKovar

TheTimeIFeltLikeAnOutsider

MyexperiencewithatimeIfeltlikeanoutsiderinmylifewaswhenmyfriends
foundoutthatIhadgottenintoASMTech.AfterItoldmyfriendsthatIgotintoASM
TechtheyallthoughtIwasjokingbutafterthatsomethingchangedtheydidnttreatme
astheyhadbefor.Butthatwasjustthestartofit.Afterthattheyalljustdidn'tlikeme
becausetheylearneditwasanactualthing.Twofreeyearsofcollegeandtheyall
becamejealousofme.That'swhentheyallstartedtonothangoutwithmeanymore.I
triedtoexplaintothemmoreabouthowtheprogramworkedandthattheysimplyjust
missedtheopportunitybuttheydidn'tcaretheyjustcastmeasideandshutmeout.So
hereIamjustthinkingthiswillbeanawesomeopportunity.ButitcameatacostIlost
allthepeopleIknewwellandfeltverymuchlikeanoutsider.BecauseIhadnooneto
turnto.Thatshowedmejusthowselfishpeoplecanbejustbecausetheydidn'tgetthe
chancethatIdidbecauseIturnedinmyapplication.SoIstartedtoquestionmyselfonif
Istillwantedtostaywiththeprogramornot.SoIdidIhadnothingtolosenowandit
wouldmakeleavingmyschooleveneasier.

ButmyfirstdayatcollegeIfeellikeevenmoreofanoutsiderIhavenooneI
knowandIhavenoIdeawhattodo.Ikeeptellingmyselfpeoplewillconnectwithyou
andthingswillgeteasierbutitwasjustveryawkwardIdidn'tknowwhatwastobe
expectedofmeincollege.ButIseeeveryonearoundmeinmyclassestheyallknowor
arefriendswitheachotherandIdidn'tknowanyoneIwasallaloneandfeltlikeIwas
justoutoftheloopdidn'thaveaplaceatcollege.ButIcomebackthenextfewdays
andstarttogetintotheswingofthingsandrealizecollegeisnotbadatallit's
highschoolwithoutthecommitmenttohangingoutwithfriendseveryday.Soafterafew
weekspeoplestarttotalktoyoubecauseyouhavethosemomentswhenyoubump
intoeachotherorneedsomethingandturnsouteveryoneinyourclassisyourfriend
theyallhelpyouwhenyouneedtheminclassandeveryoneworkstogethermostofthe
time.That'swhenithitmeitwasallinmyheadthinkingi'manoutsiderandnoone
acceptedme.Butsometimeyoujustgetintothatmindsetthinkingyoursomuch
differentwhenreallyit'sjustallinyourheadandyouhavequiteabitincommonwith
yourclassmates.IwasjustundertheimpressionthatnoonecaredsoIfeltlikeIwasn't
acceptedandthat'swhyIfeltsomuchlikeanoutsider.

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