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HEADLINING
Family Dog SAVES Sheriff from being
Ran over by a herd of cows!
BY: Bri Ochoa

HOMETOWN HERO RETURNS

By: Robert Smith

Hometown Hero John Reece returned

this summer upon request from Principal
Wood Head. Reece graduated from Mayberry
High School 8 years ago with scholarships
to Harvard, Stanford, MIT and many other
Schools both for his part in leading the
school to several football state
Championships as well as for his ground
breaking research on optics that has
allowed for NASA to now be able to further
out in space than they have ever been able
to see before.

As we all know, our farm cows in this

town love the sound of instruments and
music. As the morning parade began in the
town of Mayberry, the cows quickly made
their way towards the street, jumping over
the farm fence. Sheriff (who still was a
little tipsy from the night before) was
stumbling his way towards the parade, when
the herd of cow came running towards him
following the sound of the music! Charlie,
a recognizable dog in this town, and
a local family pet, came running towards
the rescue, pulling Sheriff Andrew Taylor
out of the way from being trampled by the
cows! The cows made it to the parade,
mooing along to the sound of the trumpets;
and Charlie, the golden retriever was named
town hero!
CURRENT UPDATE JUST IN: The farmer, whom
the cows escaped from said, "I don't know
how those daggone cows made it out of that
fence, but I'll be making it higher!"

Principal Woodhead has asked Reece to come

back to be the football coach head of the
gifted science program at Mayberry High.
Reece having made millions of dollars with
his patents and endorsements donated over
500 thousand dollars to the science program
and has agreed to come back to coach and
teach for the generous salary of $1 a year.
Mr. Reece, welcome back.

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Their first week in the area may be one to

Threes company

remember. Both the sheriff, and the fire

By: Lonnia Barton

department were on hand to help out the

Abcocks in their dark hour. What was it

You heard it here first our town of

that happened, you might ask? Mrs. Abcock

Puckerville has some new residents. Not 1,

slipped into toilet seat during the night

not 2, but 3 beautiful little babies. Proud

parents Mary Beth Sue and Larry Butch

and could not make it out despite the

Abcocks' struggles.

Paul Dunlap are excited to bring home their

bundles of joy to their home where they
will meet their 4 brothers and 2
sisters.

The Dunlap clan is growing

quickly.

The excitement all started as

Mary Beth was out front on her porch

tending to her silver medal, county fail
award winning Daisys and Dandelions when
she began feeling some pain.

She hoot and

hollered for Butch out back to help her

as she could hardly stand.

Butch wasted no

time and sprung into action loading her up

in their 4-wheeled truck. Man she was
harder to get up on to that truck than I
thought said Butch. As they raced down
Main Street to the town hospital they
barely made it; her water broke - these 3
little biscuits wanted to come out. Marty
Beths third cousin Skeet told us that the
3 babies are as beautiful as his grandmas
pumpkin pie.

Skeet said Im so excited

Here is what Billy had to say about the

experience, "Boy I tell you what, that sure
was a scare. Daisy got durn' the night to
use the latrine and made a big splash. I'us
just about to come up with a witty jab on

I could spit.

her bowel movements when she started

hollering! Somehow she was just

A Scary Night For The

Abcocks!
By: John Sneed

small enough to slip in but too big to come

out. I grabbed 'er by the hand pulled with
all got. Thought I might rip 'er arms out
before we got my Daisy out of there. We
called the sheriff and apologized the late
manner of our call but I'us all worked up

Last night one of our new neighbors,

over the situation. Luckily he knew what to

Billy and Daisy Abcock had a traumatic

do and had the fire department come by with

incident. The Abcocks recently joined us

some huge medal contraption to get 'er out,

from the deep, south and they live just

I think they called 'em the jaws of life.

seven miles out of Mayberry city limits.

Simpsons move to our city
By: Rosa Zamora-Cuevas

Homero makes his family move to Mayberry

town, when he received an offer to work
better than he has in Springfield town.
Since the beginning of December Homero will
be the new deputy police chief of the town
of Mayberry. The Aunt Bee welcomes the
Simpsons family with a delicious dinner at
her restaurant. In an interview with The

Mr. Peabody was quick to condemn the boys

electing that they should be "shot in the
leg to learn some respect". The parents of
the boys each claimed the other families
son should be responsible for influencing
their child into playing such a reckless
game. Eventually the conflict was settled
outside a court of law as both families
paid for the damages to Mr. Peabody and his
house.

Aunt Bee, she complained about the amount

of food Homero Simpson ate and all the
mischief Homeros kids caused.
By: Rosa Zamora-Cuevas

Mayberry Wedding
DISASTER!!
By: Brandee Meyer

LOCAL FARMER SHOT

Childish Prank to Blame!
By: Jeremy Madaus

Aunt Bea and Otis the Drunk planned to get

married yesterday in Mayberry. Otis the
Drunk was walking up to the wedding ready
to say "I Do" to Aunt Bea, but he got there
and there were dragons shooting fire from
their mouths to Otis the Drunk and nobody
else. Aunt Bea had planned this because she
only was marrying Otis the Drunk to kill
him for money; so she was hoping the fire
would kill Otis, but it didn't. Otis the
Drunk was confused because he thought Aunt
Bea had planned for a Beach wedding not a
dragon wedding. Otis made it to the front
to wait for Aunt Bea, but Aunt Bea wasn't

On Tuesday November 11th, Old man Peabody

was woken up by a .38 caliber bullet wound
in his left leg. While several witnesses
said they heard three gunshots; A shooter
however, wasn't reported. An investigation
was started, but before it was concluded,
two young boy confessed that they had left
some old bullets they found on the nearby
railroad track. The boys said that they
often line up pennies and dimes on the
tracks next to Mr. Peabody's farm, and they
expected that the bullets might explode.

even there because she thought Otis

wouldn't have made it through the aisle due
to the fire. The entire wedding ended up
catching on fire and ruining the entire
venue. It was a disaster for Aunt Bea and
Otis the Drunk.

Mayberry MISSING
Apple Pies!

ZOMBIES IN MAYBERRY?
By: Emily Gonzalez

By: Mary Groseclose

A recent medical outburst has worried

Monday morning when Thelma Lou came

Mayberry officials. When girl scouts

into her pie store she had stepped on a

approached a house to sell their cookies

huge pile of apple filling and slipped and

yesterday morning, a horrifying lady opened

fell. Frantically she had ran to the phone

the door and nearly chased the poor girls

to call Deputy Barnie Fife thinking she had

down the street. The children described the

been robbed. When Barnie had arrived he

woman as having a "vicious facial

went into the back to check the place to

expression with blood around her mouth."

make sure it was safe. All of sudden, a

When asked, the girls described the lady as

loud thump came from the fridge! Barnie

having a bluish complexion with a "hungry

opens it only to find Otis locked in the

look in her eyes". Officials have caught

fridge. He decided that since nothing was

the woman and are testing her unknown

open to barge into the bakery to get some

disease. Sheriff Andy Taylor has replied to

pies and ended up getting locked in the

the incident saying that, "Further

fridge with all the pies!

investigations are occurring and the people

of Mayberry should not be flustered."
More information to come on the
possible zombie apocalypse in Mayberry.

HOTDOG EATING CONTEST CANCELLED!
MONSTERS in Mayberry!
By: Apakorn Ampaijit

By: Joshua Matul

There is a terrifying monster in Mayberry

that make people have not slept in
years.

The officers announced that the

scariest monster does not like flashlight.

So, people in town have been hiding it
their pillow.

Many people have loosed

flashlights, and they are quite upset for

losing them.
time.

Last month, was the worse

People went to bed early and hoped

to fall asleep before it got

dark.

Unfortunately, there were new

monsters came to town, and people cannot

ignore them anymore.

At 11:30 pm, people

gathered at the public library. Soon, the

hunting started.

It took almost 3 hours to

found them- the books named Monsters in

Mayberry.

After contestants fail to eat hamburgers

quickly due to them being too delicious,
the annual hamburger competition was
cancelled. It would appear that having
Chef Ramsay cooking the hamburgers was a
mistake, the only comment he gave was I
knew I should have let my lousy cooks do
the job for me. Many came as they do
every year, however all of the contestants
were quickly disqualified for failing to
eat fast enough. It was the best
hamburger ever! I could not bring myself
to eat it any faster. Replied one
contestant with many others giving similar
responses. The contest was canceled
and ended with less than one hamburger
eaten after two minutes. This led to a
very uneventful tournament with many
disappointed spectators. We plan to order
hamburgers from McDonalds next year,
competition organizer claims in hopes that
people will attend once again next year.