David Zhao

Amazon Reviews
1.

I got a new one in January; sometimes, it restarts by itself, and the alarm doesnt work. I
need to restart to make it work. The screen is easy to break; make sure to get a bulky
cover. Yes, I broke the screen. Recently, I cant make/receive phone calls, but I can still
browse the internet.
So far I have used HTC, Mot, iPhone, and Samsung; so far, the iPhone still has the best
build quality, but I dont like iTunes and iOS.
HTC is next, and then Mot and Samsung.
2.

I got this and decided to play a prank on my girlfriend, thinking it would make her glow in
the dark. Well, long story short, it actually probably maybe kind of killed her. I panicked
and buried her in the cemetery down the street. Im sitting in the living room all mopey
when I hear a noise outside. When I get up to look, I see her walking down the street and
shes glowing! Its a miracle! Im not sure who those other people with her are,
shambling around like mindless drones, but I figured she was going to throw me a
surprise party and maybe apologize for dying. Those other people are possibly her
friends or something. Man this party is going to be huge!
3.

David Zhao
This tool is great; we are an active family and are out and about somewhere every
weekend. With this knife, we never have to worry about not having the right tool at hand
when need presents itself. I almost gave it five stars. However, since we are a family of
five, and there are only four cup holders, the constant fighting over the cup holders is
pretty unnerving. Hence, we gave only four stars.
4.

As a human whose diet strictly consists of meat from mythical creatures, this product is
life-changing. Now that unicorn meat is now produced and shipped to my house, I can
live a somewhat normal life. Before this ingenious invention, I had to move constantly.
Unicorns are not only fast gallopers and fliers, but they are also weekly migrators. Every
week I would have to repack and lug my unicorn hunting gear to my customized unicorn
hunting jet. Just like any hunter would wear camouflage clothing, I too must camouflage
with my environment. Because unicorns most often reside in the clouds, I have to
camouflage myself into a cloud. I dyed my hair white and custom made a cloud costume
with 5,000 cotton balls. My custom-made plane is also covered with over 50 million
cotton balls to remain unnoticed in the clouds. To attract the unicorns, I have to dispense
at least 50 pounds of glitter into the sky. This is all very tedious work. This also gives me
no time for social activities. I currently have no friends and have never met someone
who shares the same dietary needs. However, now that I can easily ship unlimited
amounts of unicorn meat to my house, I have time to live a normal life!
5.

David Zhao
Many of you might be appalled at the idea of killing unicorns and harvesting their meat
for consumption. Yes, they are an unique and adorable species among the worlds
creatures, but did you know that unicorns are directly responsible for the habitat loss of
the endangered mountain chinchilla? In searching for food, unicorns horns disrupt the
very brush that chinchillas make their homes in. Additionally, did you know that unicorns
are an animal reservoir for the spirochete t. magicensis, a pathogen spread by fairy bites
and lined to colon cancer in gnomes? Over 5,000 gnomes die from colon cancer each
year, making it the #2 killer behind orc trampling. Fortunately, cooking the meat at
160F kills the spirochete bacterium, making unicorns safe for human consumption. The
point is that unicorns are a part of their ecosystem and are no different than any other
animal. By managing their numbers, we can preserve the balance of nature and provide
ourselves a tasty lunchtime to bland, tiresome turkey. Personally, I like my unicorn with
Miracle Whip.
6.

I have a neighbor who constantly wants to borrow my van, but he always returns it with
less gas in it than before, so I bought three of these, filled them with crumpled
newspapers, and put some smelly catfish bait in them.
When he asked to borrow my van again, I told him he could in an hour if he would stop
by the dump for me and drop off the stuff in the back. Then I put the bags in the back.
He decided he didnt really need to borrow the van and hasnt asked again.
7.

Several years ago, we loaned some money to my wifes brother. She mentioned that we
would never get the money back at the time, so we just considered it a gift.

David Zhao
They took a vacation and we were watching their house; I placed this head under the
covers of their bed, and within a month of their return we were repaid in full. I went out
and got two more masks: one for my brother and cousin. If we get that money back also,
we will buy a dozen of these.
8.

While on my jet ski in the Chesapeake Bay this summer, I was confronted by a huge ship
moving up the channel. You could imagine my horror when I realized that I had only 1
hour and 45 minutes or so before the lumbering behemoth was sure to pass through my
area. With no place to hide and only a water-jet-propelled small-craft beneath me for
transport, I quickly withdrew my Kindle Fire from the storage compartment beneath my
seat and proceeded to read the book How to Avoid Huge Ships. One hour later and with
only 45 minutes to spare, I implemented the expert advice provided by the author and
turned my jet ski in the opposite direction of the huge ship to avoid certain disaster.
9.

The Three Wolf Moon shirts power is obvious. This video is living proof that you will get
women and fly. Most importantly, my son was born without bones, and when I put this

David Zhao
shirt on him, he grew bones. Dont ask me how it happened, but the magic is there. I
wish I could hug the designer of this shirt and thank him for everything he has done for
my family.
10.

I just picked up my laptop holder from the post office, and Im driving home now. Its OK I
guess, but the bumpy road makes it hard to type, and theres a lot of pedestrians and
traffic that keep distracting me from my computer.
Its probably OK for web browsing or email, but I dont think it will be so useful for more
complex tasks. Oh, and you cant make any sharp turns, so when you turn right,
sometimes you have to use the opposing lane of traffic.

11.

Date: June 22, 2014

Location: McDonalds
Correct Usage: Were Hiring
Part-time Positions