Isaiah Brown

September 10, 2015

Meditation Exercise
The meditation exercise didnt tell me anything I didnt already know about myself. It revealed
the insecurities and uncertainty I have about how my life will play out or how Im going to live.
The first thoughts to come to my mind were images of various anime I had watched throughout
the years. Anime like Naruto and Dragon ball Z appeared majority of the time. Those images showed the
protagonist at their most powerful or when they were most angry. It was like fight scenes from various
fights combined into a fast-paced clip with nothing but flashes separating them. Somehow, I was in the
middle of these scenes at they were transitioning and playing out. One scene included someone getting
punched in the stomach and another included someone getting kicked on the top of their head. No words
appeared in the image, but a sense of power came to me when those thoughts were passing by. In the back
of my mind, power was, still is, one of the things I wanted to know if I have. When I was younger, I
would always see myself as voiceless, scared/afraid and not strong enough. As a child, I lacked a
significant amount of courage to say anything or do anything. In my sophomore year of high school, I lost
my first fight and became very depressed. Now the question has become: am I strong enough to defend
myself? Not only has it become about strength but also about anger and adrenalin. Adrenalin made me
feel alive while anger just drained me.
After trying to push past those thoughts, the image disappeared into the darkness. For a split
second, only silence remained until a familiar song came out of the echo. The first song that came to mind
was, If Today Was Your Last Day by Nickleback. I felt calm and relaxed during this song because of the
melody. The words echoed over and over again, as if someone was asking me the same question and
waiting for my response. When I offered no response, the song started from the beginning again, asking
the same question. In the back of my head, my mind tried to come up with an answer but before it could,
the song started slowly fading away. I was still surrounded by nothing but pitch black. Now it was silent.
My brain stopped thinking about the question and drifted off. Another sound started out of nowhere and
grew louder and louder until the entire darkness was filled with the echo. The word love became clear. I

Isaiah Brown

September 10, 2015

knew that Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding was playing. I couldnt locate where the music was
coming from. I suddenly felt warmth and calmness inside my heart. After the phrase Love Me Like You
Do played two times in a row there was a pause. Another question arose, What are you waiting for? I
got no time to formulate an answer before the song started from the beginning again. Within seconds I
was asked the same question again. This time I didnt try to think about an answer and just listened to the
voice in the song. After playing 3-4 times in a row, the song began to fade away in silence, much like the
previous song did. At this point I felt like I was digging deeper into my subconscious. I finally got a
moment to analyze the different layers I just witnessed or heard. A minute or two passed in pitch black,
but another slow and similar note arose from the abyss. It quickly changed to a fast-paced beat. The first
word I heard was now. It wasnt until I heard the word body that I knew what song was playing:
Body by Tov Lo. The song was telling me how my body was perfect. After hearing that verse, I felt
happy and joyful. The song continued to suggest I had a perfect body for 2-3 more times. Again the song
began to fade away slowly as the others did. It seemed like silence had come to stay this time.
Of course nothing lasts forever and I was haunted with voices asking very difficult questions that
I had no answer to. The first question was asked in a male voice and said Why are you here? What is
your purpose? With no time to respond the first song, If Today Was Your Last Day, came back in full
force supporting the mans question. I still couldnt see anything but I felt myself drop to my knees
clenching my ears shut. I didnt have the answer and didnt know how to get it. Silence vanished as
quickly as it came when another voice came forward with the question, What do you desire?
Immediately after that the second song, Love Me Like You Do, came to support the question asking me,
What are you waiting for? This went on for some time between the male and female voices asking their
questions back and forth. I tried to catch my breath and think clearly but it was no use. Before I knew it,
the darkness in front of me seemed to be flying right by me. I noticed a shining light coming up really fast
and an image was forming in front of me. It was various anime like Naruto, Dragon ball Z, Bleach and
One Piece in front of me. It was almost like the same thing I viewed before except there was no power,

Isaiah Brown

September 10, 2015

aggression or adrenalin with these images. I felt relieved and joyous. It was like I was being entertained
and distracted from my troubles. I felt that something wasnt right and my thoughts shifted to questions
that were asked moments ago in one instant. I remembered that I havent answered the questions yet.
Before I knew it, I was thrown back into the darkness and heard a singular voice. It was the male voice
asking the same question. Calmly I answered his question by saying, Im here to live a life worth living,
to see what beauty this world holds. I heard nothing from him and no music playing. I heard the female
voice again asking, What do you desire? I thought for a split second and answer her question. I want to
be loved by a special someone and travel the world to see everything. I heard a silence. I awoke with
calmness and certainty, after seeing a white light.