Please do not steal this story, God is watching.

PROPERTY OF haveyouseenthisgirl.yolasite.com
Denny / HYSTG's Note: Pardon the grammar, I did not take time to edit this and I
admit my tenses suck.
I know my English is not very good at all but just bear with it. Okehh?XD
***
"So you're dying, what's your plan now?"
"I'll bargain 10 important people with God."
"Huh? Bargain? What do you mean?"
"I'll collect 10 signatures and pass the contract to God when I meet Him."
"I don't get you."
"I hope God does."
10 Signatures to Bargain with God
HaveYouSeenThisGirL 2011
You can't stay forever...
You don't live always...
You are limited...
There is a finishing line.
But after the line, is the beginning.
It takes 10 signatures.
***
( Introduction to the Contract )
It's normal that people die, people leave. Yet the normality we can't accept. We
often say to ourselves, "I want a normal
life" but a lot of us doesn't even know what normal means in life. We're all abn
ormal in our way of thinking.
I am abnormal.
"What's on your mind?"
I switch back to reality when I heard his voice. I turn my head to his direction
and give him a defeated

smile, "Mamamatay na ako diba?"

He twitches for a second then he pats my head, "It's normal."
What I like about him is he doesn't give me lies just to comfort me. What's the
point of telling someone everything's
gonna be alright if it's not, right? He comforts me honestly. The truth hurts bu
t the lies are worse.
"Should I believe your father?" his father is the one who told me that I only ha
ve 2weeks or less to live, his father is my
doctor.
"I don't know, my biological father is not a God. But our Father is." he points
up with his forefinger. I know who he is
talking about.
We're Catholics but the thing is, I am not such a good Catholic. I don't go to S
unday mass neither do I pray or genuflect
when I passby the church. I don't have the Catholic attitude but I do believe th
at there is someone up there that owns us,
my parents told me that when I was little. We call him God.
"If I believe in Him, it only means that I should also believe that these curren
t events in my life are normal."
"Of course. Dying is normal."
I have not expected those words, dying is normal. He even said it abruptly.
I raise my feet and place it on the bench were we are sitting, I hug it tightly
laying my head on my knees, without looking
at him I said, "Are you telling me that I should accept everything? That I'm rea
lly dying?"
He places his hand around my shoulder and kisses the top of my head, "I did not
say you'll have to accept it, what I'm
saying is... do not be afraid of it."
Thoughts flushes in my mind crazily, I find it hard to comprehend with my own th
oughts. I put down my feet then face my
boyfriend and hug him tightly. I've decided something...
"Can I change my birthday to today's date?"
"Moses split the ocean into two so changing your birthday doesn't seem impossibl
e. What are you planning, baby?"
I start crying and sobbing into his shirt, "I want to live, for the first time."

"February 25, 2010 at 3.46pm, happy birthday!" After my boyfriend said that, I b
lew the candle of my cake. I'm

celebrating my first birthday in his room, in his bed. After the scene on the be
nch, he brought me to the nearest church
and pleaded a priest to baptize me again while I was still crying. Though we did
not ask the legal papers to be changed,
with the baptism I already feel like new to the world.
"Can I give my present some other day?"
"Are you kidding me? There's no need for a present, you're more than enough." I
suddenly pull him closer to me and
snuggle him, because of that we fell on his bed. Fortunately the cake was placed
in the small table before we fell so it
was safe from being ruined.
He pulls away some strands of hair that was messily placed on my face and he pla
ces it on the back of my ear, "What
did you wish for?"
"Memories."
"That's cool, am I part of it?"
"Of course, your signature is on my list."
"What signature? What list?" I can see how confused his face is, I don't know if
I can explain this well to him but I'll try
since I've decided of this already...
"Do you remember last summer's youthcamp?"
He nods completely fixed in confusion.
"Do you remember what one of the pastors said on the 4th night?"
This time he responds, "Uhh... yeah but I remember it vaguely. He was talking ab
out something about the life in heaven
or... ah, I don't remember at all."
"The pastor said that when you die, only your soul comes back to heaven."
"Which means?"
"If it's only our souls it means we don't bring anything with us even memories..
."
"Huh?"
"The pastor also said that when our souls meet in heaven, we'll know each other
on that moment but we would not
remember what relations we had on Earth. We are promised to be filled with joys
in Heaven and to fulfill that, we have to
leave our memories here on Earth which are full of sufferings and sadness. The h
appy memories aren't even an
exception, when you die you leave everything behind."
Silence proceeds.

I can hear the ticking of his wall clock. Tick, tick, tick. It has the same rhyt
hm with my heartbeat.
"So you're dying, what's your plan now?"
"I would like to gain my birthday wish."
"Meaning?"
"I'll collect memories."
"You said that according to last summer's youthcamp's pastor, when we die we onl
y bring our souls with us, we leave
everything behind even the memories. So...?"
"I'm not confident with this but I think... I'll bargain 10 important people wit
h God."
"Huh? Bargain? What do you mean?"
"I'll collect 10 signatures and pass the contract to God when I meet Him."
"Signatures and a contract? Bargaining with God? What are you saying, I don't ge
t you."
I close my eyes and pray, "I hope God does."
"And for the 10th signature..." I am in my room, in front of my study table writ
ing the 10th signature owner on a piece of
bond paper that I have claimed to call "The Contract". When I have finished writ
ing the last name, I raise the paper and
look at it for a minute and I let off a determined and hopeful smile.
I place the paper on the table and I stand up from my seat as I take out my phon
e from my pocket and started searching
a name in my phonebook. When I've found it, I click the call button and it feels
like my heartbeat is louder than the
phone's rings.
Ring, ring, ring...
Someone picks it up after 5 or 6 rings. It has been a long time. I wonder if thi
s person still remembers me...

"Hello?"
"Your voice never changed."
PROPERTY OF haveyouseenthisgirl.yolasite.com
***
( First Signature )
"Where are you going, anak?!" upon entering my room, my mom is surprised too see
me in my jeans, jacket and rubber
shoes. My outfit clearly says that I'm going out.
"Mom, I need to go to the park."
Because I have an old friend waiting for me...
"At a time like this?!"
"Oh please mom, don't exaggerate. It's only 7 o'clock in the evening."
"No, you can't go. It's already late. Change your clothes." my mom turns her bac
k on me and is about to leave my room, I
run to
"Mom."
"Can I
"No."
I pout
ur and

her and hold her arm.

she stops, not facing me.
go? Please?" I insisted.
at her response, "Not fair! You usually allow me to go outside at this ho
even late!"

"Don't you understand the situation?!" inbetween her lines, I hear her sob. I do
n't know if she's crying, I can't see her face
neither her tears. I try to turn her to face me and my thought is confirmed, my
mom is crying again.
No, not again but always. My mom is always crying since she knew about my sickne
ss and due date. Why does the
thought of dying makes a person cry? I want to know, what is the saddest thing a
bout death? What is there to cry about
death? What is? Why? Questions.

I embrace my mother and whisper to her ear, "I don't understand the situation an
d I'm not trying to understand it
anymore. It might sound that I'm weary of all of these and I'm like giving up bu
t I'll tell you the truth mom, I'm not dying."
She pushes me a little because she is taken aback from my words, "You're not dyi
ng?! The doctor just said..."
"I just started living life so how come I'm dying? I will die but I'm not dying,
mom. Please do remember that."
"What... what are you saying? I don't understand. You're confusing me! Stop usin
g unfathomable phrases!"
I wipe the tears on mom's cheek and kiss the tip of her nose, "Mom, please let m
e go tonight? Please?"
"I just said you can't---"
"Do you remember when I was in sixth grade, you and dad asked me what happened t
o me and my bestfriend back
then?" I paused, took a breath and continue, "For my response, I told you guys t
hat people grow old and meet other
friends. After that, you didn't ask me anything anymore. If you'll ask me the sa
me question again, I'll tell you a different
answer."
"What's the sense of this?"
"Just ask me the same question again, Mom. Ask me what happened to me and my bes
tfriend back then."
Mom hesitates, looks directly in my eyes then to the wall and looks back into my
eyes again. "W-what happened to you
and her? Why didn't I see you guys hanging out anymore?"
"I bullied her."
Thick and clear. My words are nothing but guilt and regret.
"I---" mom can't even continue her word, she covers her mouth with her right han
d in astonishment.
"I'm a bad girl mom, a bad friend. I want to understand why I did such things so
please, let me go. Please, mom.
Please."
"Are you meeting her tonight?"
I nod, "After 8yrs."
"Then go."

I place my hands inside my jacket's pocket as I walk to the park. I look up the
sky, it's a full moon with lots of stars around
it. The wind is blowing hard , I'm glad I had my hair tied upwards because if no
t, the wind will just undo my hair and it'll
be really annoying. It's so quiet and calm here in the park only the rustling of
the leaves can be heard, there is no one
here. At a time like this, people are usually in their houses eating dinner or d
oing their assigned works, or maybe others
are having a party. Who knows.
I've decided to settle myself in one of the benches here, I start playing with m
y fingers as I wait for her.
Hello?
Your voice never changed.
Who are you?
I was a friend.
Huh?
Don't you recognize my voice?
Is it you....
It's me, your former bestfriend.
I don't remember having a bestfriend.
Then, can we get to know each other and become bestfriends? I'll meet you at the
park tomorrow at 8pm. I would really
want to be friends with you.
When I called her and she recognized that it was me on the other line, her sweet
voice changed in a sour one. I can't
blame her, even if it has already been 8years, the wound I gave her will always
remain a wound. I left a scar in her heart,
I don't know how to remove it. I asked her to meet me here and I'm not really su
re if she'll come but I do hope she will
because I'm here to ask forgiveness.
Tick, tock, tick...

It's 10pm already, is she coming or not?

My hope of her coming begins to waver. I cross my fingers and keep chanting that
, "She'll come. She'll come. She'll
come."
After another half hour, I decide to stand up from my seat. I walk back and fort
h in front of the bench with my fingers still
crossed and kept on chanting. I feel so fidgety.
I stop. I decide to pull out my cellphone from my jacket's pocket and dial her n
umber.
As soon as I've heard the ringing of the other line, another sound plays somewhe
re near me.
[For better imagination, please play: One friend by Dan Seals]
I always thought you were the best
I guess I always will
I always thought that we were blessed
And I feel that way still
Sometimes we took the hard road
But we always saw it through
I start searching the place, I know that song. It was our favorite song, it was
our graduation song in elementary!
If I had only one friend left
I'd want it to be you
Sometimes the world was on our side
Sometimes it wasn't fair
Sometimes it gav-"Oh no!" the music stops but after that I heard a panicky voice that came from o
ne of the bushes near at my left side. I
turn my head to that direction and from the moon's reflection, I see her standin
g near a tree with a troubled face while
she is holding her phone.

"H-hi!" she said stammering and embarrassed.

Sometimes it gave a helping hand
Sometimes we didn't care
'Cause when we were together
It made the dream come true
If I had only one friend left
I'd want it to be you
Someone who understands me
I run towards her, jump to her and hug her tightly. We both fell on the floor, c
rying.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" I keep on saying while my crying face is buri
ed on her chest. I felt her touch on my back
and her hug tightens.
"Do you even know how hard it was to decide whether to go to that bench and talk
to you or just go back home? I was
already here when you arrived and for the last 3hrs, I've been hesitating to sho
w myself to you!" she's shouting to the top
of her lungs, I don't know what emotions she has because I am too filled with my
own feelings to even recognize other's.
"I'm sorry for being so mean to you way back then. I was just afraid to be bulli
ed too. I'm sorry for being selfish and
leaving you all alone. I'm really sorry, I had been such a kid."
"Sssh. We were only 12 back then, so it's acceptable. It's more likely to think
of ourselves when were kids but I guess
that we're not kids anymore, you're not like that from the past anymore right?"
she pulls me away from her and holds me
in my face looking directly in my eyes filled with tears like hers.
"Yes, I still am. I still think of myself and I'm still selfish but I will never
commit the same mistake again. I never succeeded
in finding someone like you..."
And knows me inside out
Helps keep me together
And believes without a doubt,
That I could move a mountain
Someone to tell it to
If I had only one friend left
I'd want it to be you

Someone
And knows me inside out
Helps keep me together
And believes without a doubt,
That I could move a mountain
Someone to tell it to
"Can we both stop searching? It's more than impossible to find our replicates."
she smiles at me. A smile that brings all
hope in my heart.
"Am I forgiven?"
"Long ago. I've only been waiting for you to call me but you never did and I'm g
lad yesterday night, you've finally decided
to patch things up. I miss hugging you like this, I miss you, my bestfriend."
We hug each other again, stayed down there in the bushes crying while the moon b
ecomes the witness of our mending
friendship.
If I had only one friend left
I'd want it to be you
Even if it was that late, we decided to enjoy the night to a 24/7 karaoke bar an
d sung our hearts out in the karaoke. We
enjoyed it so much that we almost forgot the time. We decided to walk home toget
her at around 1.17am. Since her
house is nearer than mine, I am the one to accompany her to her house and walk b
ack home alone.
"Are you sure you can go back home alone? Don't you think it'll be too dangerous
?" she says as she opens the gate of
her house, "If you want you can stay here or I'll ask dad to give you a ride bac
k home."
"That'll be great but I think I'll just walk back home alone. Thanks anyway." I
refused.
"Well then, I'll be heading. Goodnight and Bye."
"Goodnight to you too."she closes the door, turns her back and starts walking to
her house but before she could reach

the door of their house, I stop her,"Wait!"

She turns to me, "Yes?"
I pull out a folded paper and a small pen from my jean's pocket,"Can you sign th
is?"
She walks back to the gate and opens it, "What is it?"
I unfolded the paper to the part of her name and show it to her, "I need your si
gnature."
"For what?"
"I'm collecting signatures."
"For what?" she repeats her question while she starts signing it. "Here."
"Thank you. It's a secret, you'll know in the near future." :3
"Oh! A secret, huh? I'll be looking forward to it. Well then, goodnight again! S
ee you!"
"Bye bye!" she returns to her house, closes the door and I start walking back to
my house.
"Oh! A secret, huh? I'll be looking forward to it. Well then, goodnight again!Se
e you!"
I don't know when we would see each other again. As of now, bye bye.
I take a look to the contract, folded it and put it back inside my jean's pocket
.
9 more signatures and I feel this weak already.
***

| 2nd signature |
"So how was it, baby?"
"Know what, a normal human will find this bargaining sad and desperate but for m
e, I find it riveting." then I smile at him,
"Baby, I'm crazy am I not?"
He pinches my nose, "Sometimes I want to believe that my dad was joking about yo
ur findings."
"Hey, hey. What if he's really joking?"
"Yeah, right." we both laugh at a very stupid conversation.
We're seated on a hammock in our backyard. I told him about the first signature
and he kept on asking me who're the
others but I kept his curiosity intact.
"So, will I be able to sign that contract too?"
"Hmm," my tone is insinuating, "Sorry to say but there werent any space anymore.
"
The usual sensitive him wears the universal scowl and I then burst out laughing
as I pat his arm, "I'm just kidding!"
"Why you!" I run away from him as he tries to tickle me. We run around in circle
like crazy.
"Risa!" we only stopped when mom saw us, "You shouldn't be running like that!"
She gets a face towel and starts wiping my sweat like I'm some 5year old kiddo.
"Mom!" I said kinda abashed, "Stop it, a little sweat won't kill."
"Fine! Go sweat but dont die!"
Mom stomps in the house and left us. I face my boyfriend and whisper to his ear,
"Baby, help me escape on the night of
the reunion party. I want to go, mom won't let me."
I am talking about our school's reunion party, there'll be a reunion party tomor
row to meet our old highschool friends

which happens to be my college friends as well though I did not really have the
chance to finish college because of my
sickness. No one in my former class knows about why I suddenly left school even
my teachers don't have any idea, I
gave them no clue and did not contact them anymore. I was stuck in the hospital
and did not have any chance to see
them anymore, I did not allow visits since I dont want anyone to know about this
monster inside me. I miss them, I miss
my friends, I miss my teachers. I miss going to the place I once hated to go, I
miss going to school.
They all graduated without me and now there's a reunion party. For the last time
, I want to see them and set foot in my
beloved alma mater.
"Sure babe, I'll take you with me tomorrow night."
My boyfriend's also going there since he's also my classmate. We went to the sam
e school since elementary. Yes, we've
been together for that long. Aren't we that inextricable?
"I love you, baby." I'm thankful to God for giving me a beguilling boyfriend.
I gasped, heaved and vomit again.
"Are you sure, you can do it?" my boyfriend asked me in such worried face.
"Maybe?" I smiled weakly, "No, not maybe --- I can do it. Let's go."
He looks distracted, "If anything happens to you, I'm gonna kill you. Seriously
speaking here."
"Haha, is that suppose to threaten me? Come on, let's go now before mom notices
us." as for the plan of sneaking out,
we're gonna use my bedroom window to escape. My room's on the second floor but i
t's not that high so we tied & knotted
3 long blankets together to get us some good slide down escape from my room. I'm
surely gonna be scolded after this
but who cares, getting scolded is something that drifts away fast from our minds
but the regrets will be hard to remove.
I prefer to be scolded than to feel regrets in my heart.

"I feel so anxious." I said as I hold on to my boyfriend when we entered the sch
ool.
I feel like trembling, setting foot again here gives me nostalgia. The school, e
ven small, seems so big to me. There are
too many lights, too many people I can't recognize.
"Baby, we're back." he gave me a reassuring smile, "Our second home."
Lots of things changed, my favorite bench isn't there anymore. The trashcans wer
e not on their proper places anymore.
The buildings got painted. The old offices are now classrooms. Where are the com
fort rooms? They are on the other side
of the school now? Who are these guards, I don't know them. The teachers? A lot
of them changed. Since when did our
school have a statue there?
Almost everything changed. Time passedby that fast and left me without even a wo
rd.
"Hey!" someone suddenly approached us, "You guys! Its you right? Wow. It's been
a long time. You guys are still
together? This is so cool!"
Then one by one as we come near to the center part of the event, I am able to re
cognize people that were approaching
us --- my former classmates.
"Ohgosh, it's reall you! You just dropped out of the school without a word!"
"Hey, I missed you girl! What happened?"
"Hey, I thought you were abducted by the aliens! You just disappeared one day an
d we didnt have any news about you
after!"
"This is so good to be true, girl you don't know how much I missed you! I cried
when you did not show yourself anymore!
I was worried!"

"Back then, everyone in the class was asking the teachers and even the principal
about you! We wanted to know what
happened to you but no one knew. That was so sad!"
"Hey hey guys, calm down." I smiled at them, they were like in chaos shooting wo
rds to me that I myself can't even
comprehend anymore, "I'm sorry about my sudden disappearance. I kinda left schoo
l for some private reasons and hope
you guys would understand. I can't tell you the reasons why but hey the reason d
oesnt matter anymore. Atleast I'm back
right? I missed you guys, instead of telling you something about me why don't yo
u guys narrate something to me about
those days?"
They recounted me everything of the old days they had. It seems so fun, I wish I
was there with them at those times. I
wish I was with them... I wish....
"Please excuse me guys, I have to go to the toilet" I left them on the table and
my boyfriend accompanied me to the toilet
as I vomit again. He doesn't mind if he's entering the girl's comfort room, he d
oesn't mind if people are staring at him.
He's too worried about me to worry about himself.
"I think the night's over, baby. Let's head back home?" he suggested as he pats
my back to easen my vomitting pains.
I give up, I must admit that I'm already having trouble with breathing. I really
should rest now, the night's over.
"Yeah. Just one more thing, accompany me to our former adviser. I need to give h
im something."
"Mr. Reyes," our former adviser in highschool almost had a hard time recognizing
who I was, "Can you please read this
to the class later?"

I hand him a folded letter, "What's this?"

"Something important sir, it's a message from me to the class."
"Uhh, why in a letter?"
"I prefer writing it than saying it. This is a favor sir, last favor so I hope y
ou wouldn't mind. And oh sir, please sign
something," I take out the contract from my small bag and also a pen.
"Sign? Why?"
"I'm collecting signatures sir, some sort of memory collecting. Well, it's not l
ike I can ask the whole class to sign it so as
the representative sir please sign here." I showed him only the part where he sh
ould sign and the rest of the contract, I
had it folded so he won't see what it's about.
"Well, if that's the case." he then signs on the contract and I waved him goodby
e.
A letter to my teachers and to my classmates,
This is so ironic, I remember that once my english teacher asked the whole class
to write an essay with a certain theme
of "What I want to happen before dying", I kinda did not take it seriously. I ju
st wrote there that I want to eat all the foods I
want to eat before dying.
But I am now rewriting that essay, this is now the real essay. I want to tell yo
u guys what I want to happen before dying.
I won't change my essay way back then, I still do want to eat all the foods I wa
nt to eat before dying but I would want to
add some few things.

Before dying, I want to get married -- of course, to my everloving boyfriend. I

am a hopeless romantic, you know that
guys.
Before dying, I want to see my friends and have a nice chitchat with them. Playi
ng back the nostalgias.
Before dying, I want to say sorry to everyone I have hurt. I want to make peace
with my enemies. I want to be forgiven
with my sins.
Before dying, I want to sing on a karaoke bar which I have never done in my life
since I'm very shy with my singing
talent.
Before dying, I want to go the cinema and watch a film together with my whole fa
mily.
Before dying, I want to hug my brother and my sister and tell them to enjoy thei
r lives and take care of themselves. And
to tell my little brother to take care of my little sister as they grow up, to t
ell him to protect his little sister from bad guys
who would want to break her heart.
Before dying, I want to buy a seed and to make a plant grow.
Before dying, I want to shout in the center of the city that I have lived life t
o the fullest.
Before dying, I want to pray to God and thank Him for everything.
Before dying...
I don't know what to add anymore, I have lots in mind. And a lot more to come ma
ybe and if I enumerate everything, it'll
take tomorrow to finish this essay.
Well, this letter is not really about me... it's actually about you guys.
First of all, I would want to thank my teachers for everything. I want to thank
you for annoying, boring me out, confusing

me, giving me headaches with those lessons to study. I'll surely miss those time
s that I panic everytime there's a surprise
quiz. I'll also miss the times that I get a low grade and you guys scold me for
not studying hard. Thanks teachers for your
kind concern, I know you were only strict to us because you want us to have a be
tter future. You teachers are one of the
best type of people here in this world, you nourish us students to be a better p
erson. You taught us not just something
there is on the books but also what there is in life. You are my second parents,
thank you second moms and dads. I love
you, keep on giving a brighter future to your second sons and daughters.
Thank you also to my classmates, need I say more? You are a mix of everything. A
total chaos that I enjoyed the most.
Sometimes we fight for some silly things like who did not clean on the cleaner's
schedule, who was on the noisy list, who
stole the ballpen, who's such a teacher's pet, who did not give his share with t
he class fund. And who would forget the
conspiracies we had during quizzes, exams and recitations? We are always a famil
y rather than a class. There's the
president who never gets tired of shouting & scolding the biggest jock of the cl
ass and taking every responsibility and
protecting us from accusing teachers. There's also the secretary who never gets
tired of writing everything in the board
and rewriting it on his notebook. What about the treasurer? Who hold all the mon
ey and being responsible enough to
take care of it. And the peace makers? Who aren't really peace makers rather the
y are the first ones to create
commotions. The whole class is also my teacher, they taught me friendship and la
ughter. I will miss these guys. I love
them. I love you my dear classmates, I swear if I'd be given another chance I wo
n't escape from the cleaner's schedule
anymore.
And I also want thank the janitors who cleans the whole school and the guards wh
o won't let us go out in class hours. I
did have the chance to talk to them and back then, they told me stories about th
eir life or sometimes they just give me
silly knock knock jokes. They're also a part of my life.
Everything in this school is everything to me.
I lived half of my life here.
I once hated waking up early, going to school, studying and burning midnight oil
s and waking up early again to go to
school.
I hated it and now, I want it all back. I want the old routine back.
If only I knew how sick I would be in the future, I should have appreciated ever
y moments back then.

Yes, I left school because I got sick. And now, I'm dying. I don't really have m
uch time with me anymore and maybe this
is my last goodbye to everyone in my second home, with my second family.
Goodbye guys, I'll miss you.
-Risa
I stepped out of the school, I left it.
"So you're now on the third signature?" my boyfriend asks me as we head back hom
e.
"Yeah, do you want to know who's next?"
***
- third signature
"Time flies fast doesn't it?" grandma exclaims as she arranges the boquet of flo
wers we brought for grandpa's tomb.
I bend down to help her, "Yeah, I could still picture him sitting on the porch w
ith a cigarette in his hand..."
"...then I'll see him and scold him to stop his vices." she adds smiling bitterl
y at the nostalgia. Next week's gonna be my
grandfather's 5th death anniversary. He died from ulcer and grandma misses him a
lot. She visits his tomb almost
everyday. Sometimes it crosses my mind a very troubling question, if I die will
my boyfriend suffer like how my grandma
suffers for the lost of her dear husband? Not just with my boyfriend but also wi
th my entire family, will mom continue
crying even after I die? Will dad still be sad when I'm gone? Will they be able
to move on? Dying is not something that
pains me, the thing that actually pains me is the thought of leaving those who a
re dear to me in anguish of my lost.

"I could still remember, grandma..." I mumble picturing flashbacks in my mind, "
It was around 6 in the evening, summer
of my 15th year... "
"Message sent." I mumbled after sending my message to Deyl, my boyfriend which b
y that time was just a simple friend
to me and my feelings for him was still little and undiscovered. I waited for hi
s response & the other's as well as I sat in
my grandparent's bench on their porch. Our family decided to spend our summer va
cation in our grandparent's house
but for a teenager like me spending my summer in the oldies' house was very bori
ng so I ended up wasting my summer
with my beloved phone texting my friends from school. My grandparent's house wer
e far from home, but not really far but
yes, it is far --- from civilization. I mean it was in a small province where "f
un place" for teens like me did not have a
chance to exist.
"What is so fantastic with that piece of box?" I was kinda surprised when grandp
a talked, I didnt realise that he was
already sitting beside me. Who knows how long he was sitting there beside me, I
was too busy texting.
I wore a sweet & slightly addled expression as I turned to him, "You said someth
ing, gramps?"
He shook his head in disbelief, "Having that box in your hand always,"
"Cellphone," I corrected.
"Whatever that is," the oldies don't really remember techology terms at all, "Ho
lding it always and having your head
bowed down all the time. My dear grandchild, you're missing out one of the great
est view in the world."
"Huh? What's the supposed to mean?"
He pointed forward and I look to where he's pointing, "That's why I don't like h
ow time changed our life, technologies
appeared and we worshipped it too much that we came to the point of bowing our h
eads to it. Technologies made us
less of an observer, we don't appreciate the marvelous things around us anymore
because we bow down our heads to
superficial things."
I felt a sudden goosebump as I watched the sun setting down to rise up on the ot
her side of the world. I never had the

chance to see a sunset ever in my life, that was the first time. I thank gramps
for it, if it wasn't for him I'll be forever
ignorant of the beauty of the sun waving goodbye. It was breathtaking, the sun s
lowly going down as the red orange
color of the sky confirmed us that the day was already over.
"True beauties are just in front you, it's just a matter of raising your head an
d paying attention. If you bow down your
head to superficial things, you sure are missing out half of the world." grandpa
finished his sentence with a puff on his
cigarette.
There was nothing special that day on the porch with gramps but I don't know why
it never left my mind. It's a pigment of
my memory with gramps. Since then, watching the sunset became a hobby to me.
We went back home in the afternoon. Home means Grandma's house. Yes, I went here
on my own, I rode the train. I
decided to pay her a visit and also to ask her for her signature. The third sign
ature goes to her.
"So how's your mom?" she hands me my cup of tea as she sits beside me on that sa
me porch I sat with gramps that
summer. This old rustic oak bench is in dire need of replacing, the slabs creak
a bit when rested upon.The thin boards
have grown withered and splintered. It was white, now it's almost grey. Its colo
r faded as grandpa did and soon, I'll fade
too.
"Mom is fine, her tummy's growing big. Doesn't lack a lot," I meant her tummy, h
er tummy's ready for delivery. I forgot to
mention that she's pregnant, for almost 8months. Anytime, she might give birth.
That's why sometimes it worries me that
her depression about my illness may cause a problem with her pregnancy. I don't
want something bad to happen to my
mom neither to my baby sister, we're already sure that's its a baby girl and mom
grant me the privilege to name her. I
haven't told them yet what name I want for her but I already have something in m
ind.
"Oh, I see. I'm excited for it. And how about you?" she smiles bitterly to me. S
he knows about my deadline and she's also
sad about it.
"I'm physically ill but I'm emotionally fine," I said honestly.
"So what brings you here? I know you Risa, you are not the type of person to vis
it a far and boring place for nothing."
I run my fingers to my hair and watch my feet sway back and forth, "I'll be aski
ng for your signature, grandma."

"Signature?"
I explain to her my signature collecting to bargain with God. She actually find
my idea amazing and creepy at the same
time.
"Then tell me, why do you want to ask for my signature?"
"Because when I die and if I don't remember you and I happen to meet grandpa, ho
w can I say "hi" to him for
you?" grandma got surprised with what I said that she had to cover her mouth out
of astonishment and her tears came
down one by one, rapidly.
"It's really weird," she has a hard time speaking as her voice trembles from cry
ing, "In life, you don't really know who's
next in line. You absolutely can't judge the age, it's just... in an instance Go
d will blow your candle and whisper to you 'it's
time'. I never imagined that my grandaughter will go first, will leave before I
do."
She pulls me, hugs me tightly and never stopped crying, "You are too young to di
e. You are too young..."
"I wonder why God is taking you away already... It should've been me, atleast I'
m already ready to die but why you?
You're barely 20!"
I smile beneath her arms, "God has reasons, I don't know what reasons there are
but I don't question it anymore. I trust
Him and in the end, it's not how long you lived but its how short you regretted.
D'you remember what you told me,
grandma? You said that we all are God's children. I've been thinking about it th
ese past few weeks, we all are God's
children and the World is just our playground where God left us all to play and
have fun. We play with each other, have
fun, get hurt, help one another, eat when we get exhausted and play again. The w
orld is our playground, God left us here
to enjoy and in the end of the day, He'll come back to tell us, 'it's time to go
home' and we could'nt argue because God is
taking us away from the playground because He knows that we can't stay in the pl
ayground before it gets dark or else
we'll get into trouble and God doesn't want it. He knows when is the right time
to pick us from this playground and to take
us back home."
"Since when did you start reading the bible?"

I giggle, "I haven't grandma, I'm too lazy for that but I think I'm one of those
type of people who gets to know God when
on the verge of dying. I don't know why but I never felt His presence this close
to my heart, maybe because I need Him?"
I remove myself from grandma's hug to sip on my tea I placed on my side on the b
ench, "I'm not angry with God, I don't
wanna argue with Him, I don't want to ask Him why me of all people, why so sudde
n and such questions. Actually, He
might seem to be cruel for taking me on such a young age but truth is, I think H
e's been nice to me. He gave me the time
to live before dying unlike others who died without even a warning, those who di
ed on a car crash, unexpected robbery
and murder, falling from a high place, food poison, unpredictable natural disast
ers etc. Those who died in that way did
not have the chance to prepare themselves, to repent from their wrongdoings, to
say sorry to those they have hurt, to tell
the persons who are dear to them how much they love them, to do things they want
ed badly... they did not have the
chance but I have those chances, God is giving me the opportunity, He's giving m
e enough time that's why I can still call
myself much more fortunate than the others. I have no reasons to argue with God,
none at all. I actually owe Him for
this chances."
I felt grandma patting my head like a kid, she just kept on patting me without s
aying anything. We remain in silence as
the sun sets and the sky changes its color. The nostalgia with grandpa keeps on
playing as I watch the sun goes down,
how fast time flies... it's almost 5years grandpa since I last saw you and soon
enough, we'll meet again. I take another
sip on my already cold tea and place my head to grandma's shoulder as she still
continues to pat my head, sometimes
brushing my hair that makes me feel so sleepy.
Then she whispers, "When you meet your grandpa, tell him that I miss him so much
. Its so lonely when there's no one
you can scold for their vices."
I giggle, "Will do."
***
- 4th & 5th Signatures
"We're going to the zoo, aren't you excited?"
I put on her blouse as she jumps with full enthusiasm on my bed, she keeps on ch
anting 'Zoo! Zoo! Zoo!'. Even it's hard

to brush
ail with
Michelle
d little
illness.

her hair as she jumps nonstop, I still managed to give her a neat ponyt
a small red ribbon. Her name's
but we call her Chill since it sounds cuter that way. She\'s my 6yrs ol
sister, she's clueless about my
She's too young to understand it.

"Aren't you guys done yet?" impatient as always, my little brother whose not so
little anymore since he's already 18
appears on my room's door.
"Coming kuya Eros!" Chill jumps from the bed to run to his big brother and pulls
him by the hand but before going she
turns to me and orders me excitedly, "Ate Risa, let's goooo!"
(A/N: for non-Filipino readers, "kuya" is a term for "big brother" & "ate" is a
term for "big sister" <-- I just felt the need to
write it since I'm used to writing with respect with bigger siblings. Hope you u
nderstand the tradition. ^_^ )
I laugh at her incredible enthusiasm, "Yeah, let's go."
"I\'m going to buy drinks," Eros told me as we rest on one of the benches in the
zoo after a long & tiring walk just to see
different animals, I just nod to him and he went to buy our drinks at the neares
t stall.
"Ate Risa, balloons!"
"Wait Chill!" I got alarmed when Chill suddenly ran away to go to the balloon ve
ndor. I try to catch her up because I saw
her tripped and she starts crying on the floor.
"Hey, are you ok?" as soon as I reached her, I stood her up and check her knees
and elbows for bruises and found
none, "You shouldn't ran like that all of a sudden, you got me worried."
She keeps on crying with her knuckles on her eyes, she must've been hurt from th
at fall. I try removing her hands away
from her face and wipe her tears with my handkerchief, "Now, now, don't cry. Eve
rything's gonna be alright, the pain will
be gone if you stop crying. C'mon Chill, ate Risa's gonna buy you some cotton ca
ndy and a balloon too."
She stops from crying and her smile widens, "Really? I want the blue one!"

"I'll buy you the balloon you prefer, c'mon," I pull her by the hand as we head
to the balloon vendor.
The beauty of being a kid is when you fall to the ground and get yourself hurt,
there would always be someone to pull
you up and will tell you that everything\'s going to be alright and the pain wil
l fade. And when your a kid, simple things like
cotton candies and balloons can cheer you up already. Nothing's really better th
an being a simple minded kid.
Thing is, when I was little I never appreciated what beauty I was experiencing.
I was always in a hurry to grow up. And
now that I've grown up, how I wish to turn back. I've wasted my time reaching fo
r the future, I know I'm somewhat
regretting but I won't commit the same mistake again, I won\'t waste my remainin
g time looking back repenting for the
lost. In life no matter what we did in the past or whatever's in store for us in
the future in the end, what really counts is the
present time --- which will make the past better and will identify our future.
"Chill," I pull out the folded contract in my pocket and also a pen, "Can you wr
ite your name here?"
"What is this, ate Risa?" she asked as she examines the paper and I\'m pretty su
re that she doesn't understand it. She's
still not good in reading and as well with writing that's why when she signed th
e contract, she has a very crooked
handwriting but it really made me smile. Out of all the signatures I've collecte
d, hers is the cutest.
"Thank you Chill, remember when I told you that I\'m going to a far away land?"
she nods to tell me that she remembers,
"Well, ate Risa's about to go and I want some remembrance from you."
"You\'re going already? If you want a remembrance, I'll give you my teddy."
I pat her head, "In the place I\'m going, I can\'t bring anything with me and th
at means no teddies too."
"Well, you cant bring that paper too?" she meant the contract she just signed.
"Ssh, I'll sneak it in with me."
"What about the teddy? Cant you sneak it in, too?"
"The paper's small so its not that visible but the teddy\'s big so its gonna be
too obvious."
After some time, Eros went back with sodas in hand and a bucket of popcorns. We
ate and rested for awhile and after

that, we continue with this zoo tour.

We head back home at around 6pm and Chill is surely tired as she got knocked out
as soon as we got on the bus. Mom
prepared us dinner but I brought Chill first to my room and lay her to my bed. I
cover her with my blanket and watch her
sleeping face, "When I leave, my room will be yours so take good care of it okay
? Always make sure that you tidy up
your room, fold your blankets well every morning. And when you grow up, you can
use my clothes. I hope we have the
same fashion taste."
I remove my heart necklace that mom gave me when I was little, I've been wearing
this necklace for more than 15years
and now I'm giving it to Chill. I put it on her neck as she sleeps, I kiss her o
n the forehead and my tears start running
down & dropping to her chubby cheeks, "Ate Risa loves you, remember that always
Chill."
At dinner, we just told mom & dad how energetic Chill was and for exchange, they
also told us how we were when we
were kids everytime they brought as to the zoo. A dinner full of nostalgias and
soon, this dinner night will also be just a
nostalgia.
"Thank you, Eros." I smile at him as we sit on the hammock of our house\'s backy
ard. He gives me the 'what-for' look, "I
know going to a zoo with your sisters is not your thing."
Eros, as far as I know him, is a rebel kid. I don't really know much about him b
ecause the day he turned 13, he became
so distant. He used to be a cheerful person then he changed into someone who alw
ays wear a frown on his face, then
there will be times that he'll go back home with wounds on his face and there wa
s even a time wherein the police came
to our house to arrest him for almost killing someone but luckily he got bailed
out since he's still a minor. He also flunked
school for about 2 times. I don\'t know what got into him, we question if its be
cause of his peer or he's just undergoing
adolescenthood's rebel genes. Who knows, but Eros gonna be Eros he's still sweet
when it comes to us, his sisters.
"Yeah, the zoo was boring but that\'s the last time I\'ll be taking out my big s
ister out on a date, right?"
I cling to his arm and lay my head on his shoulder, "You're the sweetest brother
. Please take care of your sisters, don't let
them get hurt. When Chill grows up, I know she's going to be a beautiful girl an
d guys gonna go crazy over her and then
she'll fall inlove but make sure to break the face of the guy who will break her
heart."
Then I paused and laugh, "Nah, I'm just kidding. Don't break his face, I don\'t
want you to hurt anybody anymore. Can
you do this favor for me, Eros... stop fighting and stop being a rebel?"

I did not receive a response, he just watch the starry sky in silence like there
is something written on the sky then after a
moment he speaks to me, "Okay, I'll stop rebelling but I won't stop fighting. Yo
u know what sis, fighting is not bad as long
as you know that what you're fighting for is something that you know is worth it
and right. And you are the best fighter I've
ever known in my life, sis. You're stronger than me."
I saw a tear fell on his eyes but he wipes it in haste maybe because he doesn't
want me to see him crying, he's
embarrassed. He cough to clear his voice that seems to croak anytime, "You're th
e strongest person I've ever met, you're
fighting 'til the end. Since the day you knew about your sickness, I never saw y
ou giving up not even for a second. If I
were in your position, I might not be able to reach the point you\'ve already re
ached. Death did not scare you, it\'s already
in front of you but still you can smile. There's really nothing to do about it,
huh?"
"Death, death, death. What\'s the big deal about it?" I smile to him, "Death nor
any sickness can control your life, they
would enter in your life but you should never succumb yourself to them. Hey Eros
, I\'d like to ask you to sign
something..."
I show him the contract but did not explain it to him even if he was questioning
it. He did sign it even if he doesn't know
what it was for. Then I asked him to take out his phone and to take a picture of
us together, and once done he set the
picture as his phone's wallpaper.
"Our last picture together eh, Ate Risa?"
"Yeah, promise me not to change your phone\'s wallpaper until you found the girl
you're sure you'll love for the rest of
your life. And everytime you're thinking of hurting that girl, just look at that
picture because everytime you hurt a girl, you'll
be hurting your sister too."
"I'll surely miss you, ate Risa." he hugs me as he cries like he used to when we
we\'re little. People grow up but there
will always be a part of us that will remain.
5 Signatures to go and I'm almost through.
***
6th & 7th Signature
"Okay, enjoy your day. Bye Chill!"

"Bye mom, bye ate Risa!" my little sister waves her hand and turns immediately t
o go to her classroom to play with her
classmates.
After mom and I had accompanied Chill to her school, we went to the hospital to
have my check up. I don't really want to
go but mom's very insistent.
"I really recommend to confine her here in the hospital. It'll be much better, a
tleast we'll be able to control her conditions."
"I don't want to! I'll never lock myself in this building!" I detest it when the
y try pursuing me to jail me here. I don't want to
stay in the hospital no matter how sick I feel. I don't want to die helpless in
one of those white rooms, that's pathetic!
"Risa," I felt mom's hands cupped mine, "Can you give it a second thought?"
"Yeah, give it a second thought. Your condition has gotten worse than before and
if we don't get to control it regularly,
who knows what will happen?"
"Exactly," I retorted, "No one knows what will happen so you guys dont have the
slightest right to decide for me. And you
said it yourselves that I won't last long, that I have a near deadline already s
o tell me, what's the sense of a hospital? Are
you guys sure that you want to prolong my life or prolong your money?!"
I stood up and barged out of the room as I heard mom excusing herself to the doc
tor and follows me after.
"That was very rude of you, Risa." mom starts to scold me as soon as we get in t
he car, "Why did y---"
"Mom," I can't take it anymore, I lay my head on her shoulder and started crying
, "Why too early?"
I might be trying to act tough and kept on saying that dying is normal that I ha
ve nothing to freak out. Even if I'm trying to
act normal, even if I'm trying to boost myself up, even if I seem to have accept
ed everything... Deep inside me, there's a
part that's collapsing one by one.
"I hate myself right now, after all the efforts of showing you guys that I'm fin
e, that there's nothing to worry about here I
am crying like some stupid desperate person. I was full of hope but all of a sud
den, I felt a an unexplainable loneliness
and all my hopes seem to be out of reach now."

"Every strong person has their time of defeat and you Risa, you are a strong per
son who is in your time of defeat. Learn
to accept that not everytime you can feel so strong, there will always be those
times that you'll feel like giving up but hey,
everyone has their own moments of giving up so you shouldnt depress yourself lik
e that. I, myself, felt like giving up for a
lot of times. Since the day I knew your illness, I never stopped from crying and
you know that, you have witnessed how
many tears I have shed for you. But you know what's the reason why I can still m
ake it through the day? Do you know
who can still make me smile even after all those tears? It's the same person who
made me cry, its you. You are my
inspiration, you are the reason why I can still make it through the day no matte
r how much sadness I'm feeling. You know
why? It's because I never saw you cry for your condition, it was always me who c
ry for you and to be honest, I feel kind
of glad to see you finally cry because it was always you to comfort me and now i
t's my turn to comfort you. You can
always cry whenever you feel, Risa. I'm here for you, I'll try my best to be a g
reat mom."
"No one is strong alone, everyone has their moment of falling and there will alw
ays be someone to stand you up. Don't
be afraid to feel such emotions, you are not alone."
I listened to each and every word she said and I felt like crying harder than be
fore, "I don't feel like going yet. I'm not yet
ready."
"No one is, but you can always ask God to extend your time even for a little. Ju
st try asking, He'll listen."
I just closed my eyes and cried nonstop. No matter how I try to stop the tears f
rom falling, they just keep on flowing.
Oh God, please don't take me yet. Just a little more time, I beg you.
After that small talk with mom in the car, we decided not to waste time on drama
s and we head to the mall for some
shopping slash bonding time. It has been a long time since I last went shopping
with mom, I usually hang out with my
friends so I don't really have much of that so called family bonding.
We ate lunch at a fancy restaurant inside the mall, checked on the shoes and bag
s at some favorite boutique shops, did
some groceries and most of all, we bought some maternal stuff.
"Which crib do you think is the cutest?" she's asking me between identical cribs
that is only differentiated with their

colors, blue and red. I chose the blue one since it's my favorite color. We just
asked the shop to have the stuff we bought
delivered to our house.
We roam around the shop for a little bit more and as we walk around, a pair of s
ocks caught my attention. I pull my mom
to the part of the baby socks, "Mom, can I pick her first pair of socks?"
"Sure, go ahead."
I rummage at the pile of socks, I feel so giddy with all these tiny socks. They'
re tinier than my palm and that'll be the
length of my future baby sister's feet. How cute! After some time, I decided to
get the simpliest white socks for my future
baby sister, "Mom, I want that this pair of socks will be the first pair she'll
wear. It will be sort of a remembrance from me
to her so I hope she'll keep it even after she grows up. I want her to know that
she has a big sister besides Chill that gave
her these socks," I hand it to her and decided to pick out a piece of paper and
also a pen in my pocket, "And mom... can
you please sign this?"
"What is this?" she was about to unfold it but I stopped her.
"Mom, please just sign it without looking." I pleaded and with that, she agreed
to sign it without arguments.
After she signed it and gave it back to me, we are about to go to the cashier wh
en she suddenly grabbed me by the arm
as she held her tummy with her other hand, "Wait R-risa... A-aaah!!!"
"M-mom? What's going on?" I start to panic as I realise that maybe she's about t
o deliver the baby.
"Risa, b-bring me to the nearest hospital! Quick!"
I was right, it's time already. I hurriedly ask help to the staff of the store d
epartment and they kindly lend us a hand to
bring mom to the nearest hospital.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" my dad who's beside me asked as we watch my baby s
ister from the window glass. She's
just some hours old, she's so little and so fragile. She's like an angel on a he
avenly slumber.
"Yeah," I replied still enchanted with my sister's sleeping face.
I got distracted when I heard my father chuckled, "What is it dad?"
"Nothing, I just remembered the day you were born."
"I just got home from work when your mom felt that you're about to get out of he
r tummy so I had had to drive her in rush
to the hospital. It was crazy," dad narrates with full nostalgia, as if he has t
he past rolling in front of him. Dad has this
smile on his face that I don't usually see because my dad is a serious and a bus
y man who always has his face either
covered with a newspaper or some sort of documents, "Funny thing is, I was reall
y in need of the comfort room that time.
I have eaten something rotten I think, it was also an emergency case for my tumm
y that time. But it was a tragedy for me
because I badly needed to take it out from my tummy and so does your mom that ne
eded to take you out from hers. But
of course, I managed to bring her on the hospital safe and sound and have taken
care of my own tummy afterwards. But
the thing I have not managed is seeing you getting out of her and hearing your m
om screaming and when it was done
and I heard your cry, I actually felt a great relief and collapsed then and ther
e. The next thing I know, I was laying on the
bed next to your mom's and I had the most beautiful scene in front of me, your m
om holding you with so much care in
her arms with a smile on her face. It was the craziest and at the same time, hap
piest moment of my life. That was the
day I finally became a dad."
I don't really hug my dad and he doesn't as well, but sometimes embarrassment go
es second when the love you feel is
stronger. Who knows if this would be the last time but I would surely miss this
tall man who always work hard to buy us
our morning cereals.
And if mom owns the 6th signature, dad has the 7th.
"I could have named her Hope or Miracle since she's the life that would substitu
te mine."

"Then why did you decide to name her Happy?"

"Because I know my baby sister will bring happiness to everyone after the sorrow
I will bring to all of you after my
death."
As someone goes and leave, another comes. That's why there are two types of door
s in this world, the one for the
"entrance" and the other for the "exit".
***
- 8th Signature
I was woken up by someone knocking at the door. I open my eyes and wonder, "Why
am I in this white room?"
Then the person who knocked at the door came in. It was my boyfriend, he smiles
weakly at me as he waves his hand
and greets me in his way, "Hi, gorgeous. I see you're awake already."
"I was sleeping until you knocked and disturbed my slumber."
He walks to me and sits on the free space of my bed then he brushes loose strand
s of my hair in my face with his fingers
and puts it in place at the back of my ear, "I prefer disturbing your sleep rath
er than you, never waking up."
I can hear footsteps from the outside breaking the silence around, suddenly I he
ard a cry of a child as well. On second
thought there wasn't any silence in the first place, if I listen more carefully,
the outside is actually noisy. Aside from the
footsteps that go back and forth and the cry of a child, I can also hear some pe
ople coughing and uttering unintelligible
words and there are also phones beeping and ringing one after another.
"Why am I here?" I look at him straight in the eyes somewhat accusing. Funny, I
am in a place I said I would never stay
even if I die --- the hospital. Irritating as I've always thought, the drab whit
e colour of the hospital walls never fail to throw
a bucket of cold water over my spirit. Instead of feeling well, I feel like havi
ng nausea anytime due to that unpleasent
smell stereotype hospitals have --- is it from some kind of medication, or is it
from all that bleach?

"We didn't really want to take you here without your concern but 3days ago, you
just collapsed after vomiting blood and
after several trials of waking you up, but to no avail, we started to panic. I c
alled my dad to check on you and he said,
you need proper medication that could only be given in the hospital and that exp
lains why you're here. You were
unconscious for 3days, I thought you won't wake up anymore. I'm glad to see you
awake again, you scared the hell out
of me Risa."
"Really," I utter without confidence and look around me, four corners dictating
how trapped you are in life, a table beside
me with fruits untouched and fresh flowers that ought to die the next day and be
replaced with another that will repeat the
cycle. There's also a television at the upper left corner of the room, not so mo
dern in it's box shape, I bet it lacks good
channels. Beside the television, there is a wall clock that has the small hand p
ointing to ten and the longer hand to seven
or maybe eight?
I turn at my left side to see the open window few meters away from me, from the
outside the cold and piercing air blows
the pale turquoise curtains that is the same color with my bedsheet.
"Are you cold? Do you want me to close the window?" my boyfriend might have noti
ce my shivers so he stood up to
close the window as I nod to him. I shiver not because I'm really feeling cold b
ut I'm quite terrified that maybe one day
the wind will take me away as I just become a part of the unseen, untouchable an
d forgotten.
"How bad is it?" I asked him while he closes the window, he turns around not und
erstanding my question.
"How bad is what?"
"You know," I smile at him, encouraging him to tell me, "My condition."
"Oh," he turns his back to me this time maybe looking outside from the window, "
Fine. Yeah, you're fine."
I laugh weakly, sounding almost forced and stupid. I knew it, when he says fine.
.. it's not. That's the most comprehensible
lie when someone's sick, "You think I'm going to buy that? Tell me the truth."
"Truth?" he repeats the last word I said, turns to me and look at me straight in
the eyes. He paused for a while adding an
unpleasant tension in the room, I pleaded silently looking in his uncertain eyes
. After a while, glistening tears form in his
eyes and hover for a moment before they fell wetly upon his cheek. His tear expl
ained me everything even without

saying anything.
"I understand."
I understand, I understand, I understand.
Why are we even worrying for the worst, haven't we been there a lot of times? Fr
om the moment I got sick, there was
never any hope but only miracles to save me... But what does miracle really mean
s?
"Risa," his voice seemed caught in his throat as he struggles to form the words,
"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."
I call the name of this guy in front of me crying like a mere child lost in the
city, extend him my arms and asked him to
come to me. He obediently did and as my arms reached him, I gently placed my han
d on his back and the other hand
brushing his black hair. A big guy crying in my arms, crying for me not caring h
ow unmanly he might look in front of the
girl he loves. I whisper to his ears, "What are you sorry for? Its not as if the
entire world, and all of its beauty, had come
to an end."
As we sat and cry here on my hospital bed, a thought came into mind... how many
people used this bed and cried for
death? I wonder what the hospital staff thinks everytime they change bedsheets a
nd washes it, just how many tears
poured down on this bed... just how many tears have been washed away? If I die h
ere in this same bed, in this same
bedsheet, how painful could it be for the people that cares for me to see the be
dsheet being removed in this bed? Simple
changing of bedsheet can mean nothing to a lot but in this world, in this moment
, 1 out of 1billion might be crying
because as he says goodbye to a bedsheet he says goodbye to someone too.
When my boyfriend calmed down, I decided to ask him, "Did you bring my contract
with you?"
Because I did not expect that I would collapsed suddenly and be brought to the h
ospital afterwards, I left the paper of
signatures in my house, in my room to be specific. He shook his head, "Nope, why
? Is it my turn to sign?"

"Do me a favor. After your today's visit, before heading home can you please pas
s by my house and get the contract in
the drawer next to my bed and bring it tomorrow morning to me? You can sign it t
oo as soon as you get it on hand, you
may peek if you want but it will always be our secret ok?"
"Is this your last favor?"
"Not really," because my last favor to him would be to move on with life without
me when I leave this not circle world and
to love find another girl to love, to take care of, to marry someday and create
a healthy and happy family with her. I would
want to be that girl but I know I'll never be, the greatest feeling in this worl
d is to love and be loved back in return but that
could also be the most painful feeling when you are loving someone and that some
one loves you back but something
called "death" separates you from one another. The love for each other or the pe
rson fades, eitherways, its a sad ending.
My boyfriend is the owner of the 8th signature I want to bargain with God, I had
listed 10 names in that contract which
means 2 more signatures to go. Will this bargaining thing really work? I hope th
ese signatures will not go to
waste... God, can you hear me?
10 Signatures to Bargain with God
A story written by HaveYouSeenThisGirL
***
9th & 10th Signatures
(FINAL POST)
Feels like I'm about to detach myself from this world.
It's past midnight and lights must be turned off already. I should be sleeping a
t this moment of time but I just can't sleep,
there's too much silence that I can't concentrate on sleeping. And another thing
, once I close my eyes thoughts start to
cloud my head and it's very irritating for me. My thoughts won't just leave me a
lone.
I want to escape.
I want to find the 9th signature owner already so I'll be done with this contrac
t since the 10th signature owner is not very

hard for me to find.

"Before everything else," I reach my phone on my sidetable and I turn on the lig
hts of my room.
I comb my hair with my fingers as I turn on the camera of my phone and switch it
to video mode.
"Okay, it's ready," I say as I hold the phone to me and brush some loose strands
of hair away from my face and place it
to the back of my ear, "H-hi!"
I laugh afterwards for stuttering while saying a simple greeting, it's as if I'm
on the center of a stage with a big crowd
when reality is I'm just alone here talking with my phone and no one sees me. I
feel nervous nonetheless.
"Uhmm... My name is Risa Magdayo. My existence is caused by Rick & Maria Magdayo
, my beloved parents. I am
debtful to them because they have been good parents to me and they took good car
e of me from the very beginning,
since the day I was born. I never felt unloved in all of my years of existence b
ecause of them, they made me feel that no
matter how drastic life would be for me there will still be someone like them to
hug me and show me that I will never be
alone with every battle I'll make with life. Then I am blessed with two, I mean
three siblings, " I suddenly remember the
new born baby, "Eros is 2years younger than me, he's not actually my biological
brother but nevertheless I love him as if
we have the same blood running in us. I never and would never look at him as if
he's an outcast of the family just
because he's adopted so I wish he'd stop treating his self as if he's not a part
of the family. I wish he won't feel lonely
anymore, I know it's hard for him to have not met his real parents but I hope th
at someday he'll realise that we're here
always for him and we DO love him. So Eros if chances will lead you to this vide
o, listen to me... please don't be hard on
yourself? No one is pushing you away so stay with us, stay with the family and s
top rebelling."
"To my 6years old little sister Chill Magdayo, hi there Chill! I don't know what
age you'll have when you'll actually
understand this video but no matter what, please remember that Ate Risa loves yo
u more than your teddy bears can love
you okay? Ohyeah, I'm about to head to the far far away land Chill so please tak
e care of my clothes, my accessories,
my make ups, my shoes, my bags and all my things. I'll be leaving them to you an
d you can have them all so take good
care of them. And also, take good care of our baby sister Happy. You're now the
"Ate", the bigger sister. You're
responsible to teach her how to dress properly, to brush her hair and tie it up
like I always do to your hair and you must
teach her how to tie her shoelaces as well, okay? I wish I could be there to see
you both grow into lovely ladies and have
your handsome boyfriends escorting you to proms and such," I wipe a tear that es
caped from my eye and continue,
"Speaking of handsome boyfriend..."

I try to smile and force out an energetic tone, "Hey you boyfriend of mine! I'm
pretty right? No, I'm beautiful. I believe I am
because you said so yourself. No matter how pale, thin and frail looking I am no
w because of my illness still you continue
to tell me I've grown much more beautiful. Thank you, thank you for showing me t
hat I've loved and chosen the right
person. I really wish I can marry you and have kids but let's move on, that won'
t happen to me but that might happen to
you to another someone so search for the right girl. I love you."
With tears falling down from my eyes, I place the phone near my face and kissed
the camera then move it away again so
I'll be able to capture my now ugly crying face, "For those I love and for those
who love me and will continue to love me
even if I'm gone, thank you and take care of yourself guys. I might have lived s
hort but I am grateful I've not wasted a
second of it. I will miss you guys, I love you."
I stop the recording of the camera and save it to a specific video folder then l
eft it on my bed as I put my jacket and
slippers on. I've already planned to escape the hospital through my room's windo
w with my bedsheet and blanket tied up
together, I'm not really on a high floor actually I'm just on the second floor s
o my bedsheet and blanket are long enough
for me to the touch the ground safely.
Where am I going?
To where my feet drag me, to a place called somewhere.
Actually my plan is to find the 9th signature owner before my body betrays me, I
don't really feel strong enough to walk
properly anymore. I just ask for the help of the walls to support me from walkin
g or rather staggering.
I know it's hard for me to see people in a time like this, it's already dark and
people are already sleeping but a place
called 7eleven caught my eyes then a smile forms into my lips. A convenient stor
e open 24hours, just the right place for
me to find the 9th signature owner.
Must be wondering who the owner is of the 9th signature? Well, the space is actu
ally reserved for a "stranger", yes the
owner is a stranger... a someone or anyone. I don't know why but I guess I want
to meet someone I've never met before
dying and bargain my memory with him or her as well with God.
As I enter the convenient store the security guard looks at me in a weird doubtf
ul way, maybe he's wondering why I'm on
slippers. I just ignore him and continue to walk and went to the cashier girl to
buy my favorite chocolate hershey bar,
luckily I have some money with me in my jacket's pocket. I am not allowed to eat
chocolates but who cares, I badly want
to eat it even for the last time.

After buying my chocolate bar, I went to eat my chocolate on the same table wher
e a guy eats a burger at a time like this
and has a coke in can on the table. He looks at me as if questioning me why of a
ll the vacant tables there are in the store
am I sharing on the same table.

"Hi," I smile at him after taking a bite of my chocolate bar.

"Uhh... hello," he says awkwardly. He looks like the type who doesn't trust stra
ngers.
"Don't be afraid of me, I'm not someone who has an attention to steal something
from you or to do you bad things so
relax and talk with me. Look, I'm so frail looking because I'm sick and I just e
scaped from the hospital. I just badly want to
talk to someone so I hope you wouldn't mind..."
He observes me for a while and nods afterwards, "Okay, we can talk but that's al
l."
"Thank you," I smile at him and start a conversation. He told me his name is Jas
on, he's a college student. I asked him
why he's eating in a convenient store at a time like this and he replied that he
just finished from his part time job which
happens to be in a host club. I was a little bit taken aback when I heard that b
ut it didn't matter anyway for me because
so what if that is his job, right? He told me he needs money to continue his stu
dies because he has no parents anymore
to support him. He's really nice because he open up his self to me even at first
he was very doubtful of me. I learned a
lot of things about him and vice versa. We enjoyed chatting with each other and
he's sorry that I am dying but I told him
that there's nothing to be sorry about.
I ask him to sign the contract since I've already told him about it. He liked th
e idea and he told me that maybe when he's
about to die too he might do the same thing because maybe it might actually work
but then he took back what he said
and told me that it won't work for him because he knows heaven is not his destin
ation for heaven doesn't accept people
like him who works for club to entertain people with body.
I pat him on his shoulder and said, "For the first meeting, I have to tell you t
hat I don't see you as a bad person. You still
have a long life so chances for you are still big so don't lose hope."
"Yeah, maybe." he scratches the back of his head unconvinced with what I said, "
So who owns the last signature?"
Before I could even say it, I heard a shout and a random guy with the face cover
ed and a gun in hand barges in that
causes fear to all of us in the convenient store. The shout came from the cashie
r girl who saw how the random guy hit
the security guard that got him out of commission.
"Shut your mouths or you'll die!" he shouts and threatens us, there is only me,
Jason, the unconscious guard, and the
cashier girl there. The random guy looks at me and Jason and orders us, "Come cl
ose here or I'll shoot you both!"
We follow him and went near the cashier then he points the gun to us, "Give me a

ll your moneys! And you, take out all

whats there in the cashier! Quick or I'll blast your head!"

"Aren't you being too harsh with your words?"

"Risa, no..." Jason tries to stop me when I step forward to the random guy but I
ignore him.
"Step back, don't come near me or I'll shoot you."
"Shoot me," I said as I step near him, "Go ahead. I am not afraid to die, I'm go
nna die anyway from my illness so what
fear should I have if you shoot me?"
He got startled and to me, he seems to have more fear with him than with us, "Yo
u don't really want to do this, don't
you?"
"This, maybe, is your first time to hold up a store?" I smile at him, "You don't
seem to be a bad guy."
"What the f*** are you saying! Shut up! Shut up! I'll shoot you I swear!" he sai
d with hands trembling.
I reach him and hold the upper part of the gun, "Don't do this, you will only ru
in not only the lives of the people here but
also your life."
"How should you know! I'm not ruining my life here, I'm saving a life so give me
your money and I'll scram right away and
we're all good with that!" he shouts at me terrified and angry.
"What do you need the money for?"
"The heck you care!!! SHUT UP! Please shut up!" he looks like he wants to shoot
me but he doesn't have the guts
because surely he doesn't have any intention to kill anyone, he just needs the m
oney.
"Calm down, shhh." I want him to stop this, "Tell me why you need the money, I m
ight be able to help you..."
He then out of frustration tells me something, "My mom... my mom, she needs to h
ave her heart operated but... but the
f** king doctors are asking me an amount I don't know where to get! Do you get m
e?! So just give me the da mn money
and let's get this thing done before a cop comes!"
He looks desperate, I knew it he needs the money for a reason... it's for his mo
m.
"But you could not be as unfair as you can be, don't take away the money of othe

rs for your own reasons. What if the

cashier girl," I point to the girl in the cashier who is shivering in fear, "Wha
t if she also have financial problems and if you
take all the money in the cashier she might lose her job or she won't have enoug
h salary in the end of the month?"
"And you see this guy," I point to Jason, "He's here because he's eating
ner. Apparently he just finished his part
time job in a host club. He works at night and goes to school at day. He
or his tuition and here you go stealing
what he just earned for this night? Don't you think you're being unfair?
have financial problems but this is not the
solution for it, I assure you that this is not a solution so please give
gun and stop this."

his din
works f
We all
up the

"NO! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY! NO! I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN! SHUT UP PLEASE, SHUT
UP!"
"Your mom will not be happy to hear you robbing a store in order to get money,"
"SHUT UP!!! I'LL SHOOT YOU IF YOU DONT SHUT YOUR MOUTH! SHUT UP PLEASE SHUT UP!"
"Your mom will never be happy... she wouldn't want her son to end up as a crimin
al... don't do this..."
"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!!!"
And that's it, a loud bang echoed in the store and I felt something that hit aga
inst my tummy.
"No, no! What have I done!" the gun fell from his hands as I fell on the ground,
I can still hear him cry as he regrets
pulling the trigger, "I told you to shut up... you didn't listen. No, what have
I done... what have I done..."
He repeats those words with sobs accompanying it.
"Risa, Risa!" I hear Jason calling for me repeatedly but its seems like the volu
me is decreasing and I'm hearing his call
vaguely. I can feel blood in my hands as I hold my tummy, I should feel pain but
instead I feel nothing...
Before its too late, I take out the contract and as well as the pen from my pock
et and with shaking hands I try to sign it,
the contract is already smeared by my blood but I don't mind. I have to sign the
10th signature because my visions are

starting to blurr and I'm already vomiting blood.

Yes, I am the 10th signature owner of my own contract. I want to bargain myself
with God, I don't want to forget what I
have been in this world when I was still living. Practically, I am bargaining ev
erything to God and I don't even know if
He'll agree with this but they say there's no harm in trying.
I don't even know what awaits me after dying...
I don't even know if He's true... or He does exist...
I created a contract not knowing if there's really heaven or somewhere to go to
after a person die.
Or even if there is, I am not even sure if I'm going to heaven or to the other p
lace...
I am not sure what awaits me and funny thing is, I thought I'm gonna die because
of my illness but who could've thought
that I'll die this way? We all expected that my illness will be the one to take
me away from this world but it's not.
Nothing in this world is so sure so is that the same with the next world? Uncert
ain.
Not even done signing, my head spins and I fell on the contract as my vision tur
ns black. Is this the end? Goodbye.
- FIN
A/N: There
written in
ll support
and try to

is a story about Risa's adopted brother Eros Magdayo entitled SHE DIED
Taglish. That story will be posted January 2012 so I hope you guys wi
it
read it too. Lovelots. <3

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