Sorry for rant of the century ahead.

Hope this isn't like, a huge bunch to dump

on you, don't wanna burden you.
A lot of it comes from being talked over, I feel like if people talk over or int
errupt me when I'm trying to say something, they don't respect me or care about
what I have to say. I have had so many instances in my life where coming out of
my shell and saying something just ends up badly, and it's happening here, too.
It's why I'm so quiet and non-interactive in the first place, and the more I try
to interact the more it goes wrong and the more I feel like I should just take
some kinda vow of silence.
The other half of it comes from trying to show people care and respect, and not
getting it back.
In every group I've been in people have for the most part really liked me, but a
s soon as I start to actually talk and come out of my shell, they stop, because
I start to share opinions that differ from theirs. They didn't like me because o
f who I was, they liked me because I was quiet and cute, a centerpiece.
--Hiku: You were there for that, I apologized, but never got the same back. He's c
ool in a lot of aspects, like, tons, he's been so great to me in the past. But i
n many other aspects he has this bragging, better-than-everyone valley-girl pers
onality, he flaunts his power over others now that he owns a sim, you could pass
it off as joking, but he says it so often now I start to wonder.
--Ruka: I wish I had the same level of patience as you with him, I can't deal with
his self-centered attitude anymore, blaming others for things they can't help.
Putting responsibility for everything on others instead of carrying some of the
weight himself. Has a warped idea of ownership, basically that he has the rights
to everything, even if he's given it away as a gift or is being paid for someth
ing. Becomes offended when you talk bad about -objects- he owns. I know he has a
learning disability, and that's why I've given him as much slack as I have, but
my rope is at its end. I hate being mistaken for him, I feel like that means I'
m just as bad as he is, and indistinguishable.
I believe you remembered the time I tried to defend you from him when he was bei
ng way too demanding of you.
--Jory: You weren't there for that, basically what happened was Jory and Hiku were
in a call with Gak about creating his DnD character, but things were getting to
o heated and I felt like Hiku and Jory were sort of ganging up on him, and Gak i
s a very submissive personality like myself, so I stepped in and told Jory he wa
s going too far. He was being heavily picky about Gak's character and talking ov
er him. Even if I don't know the entire story of what was going on and I was inc
orrect about what was going on, it doesn't excuse what came next.
Jory's response was to fling this back at me in a passive-aggressive manner, I'v
e been talked over before, but this was the first time I could tell it was being
done on-purpose in a bullying manner. Even as I was trying to resolve the issue
and talk about my side of the story. When I gave up trying to talk, he later th
rew a sarcastic comment of "But maybe I'm being too picky." (Something to that e
ffect, may not be his exact words.)
We haven't talked since, I think at one point he said I'm an awesome person to s

omeone else while I was around, but I don't buy it after that, not without a sin
cere apology. I mean, hell, I tried to apologize, I ALWAYS apologize over everyt
hing. I would have, anyway, if he weren't talking over it.
Also another instance where me trying to defend someone and do the right thing b
lows up in my face, I don't think Gak even cares that I tried.
--Potato: He doesn't really hang around anymore, but this is a prime example of me
trying to show care for someone, and it falling on deaf ears. He told me this s
tory about a group of friends that treated him really shittily and unjustly. So
I made it sort of my mission to be a good friend to him. I did my best to defend
him when people poked fun at him a little too hard or went too far with their t
easing, I know of one instance where Kitty went way too far one time. Or another
where someone made a voiceclip of him he didn't like.
But I guess after awhile I just realized he... didn't care either way, didn't ca
re about what I was trying to do for him, so I just gave up. We haven't really t
alked since.
--Kitty: One good thing is that she apologized for that time I called her out for
getting after Ruka about a League game, I apologized as well, no one -ever- apol
ogizes to me, so that's really big of her. But I still get the impression of her
being someone who wants to control things her way. Some other pet peeves as wel
l that don't come to mind.
-Glych: I don't really get the impression he's here to be a friend, he's just her
e to have fun. Before he took that long hiatus, I told him that it would mean a
lot to me if he showed up for my birthday. He says he did, but as far as I remem
ber, he didn't. I had gotten over the fact that he's gone forever and now he's b
ack like he never left.
--Kane: I do not want to be in the same fucking room as him, my first impression o
f him was him linking a death video of a man killed by an escalator and exclaimi
ng that he deserved it. I am not religious or spiritual, but I still believe in
evil. And he is it. He used to just stay in Gamer Furs, now he's here.
--Koja: He apologized, I'm cool with him. Though wary.
Sathix: He's cool.
Spitfire: I still dunno yet, neutral. Some good things, some pet peeves.
Vegrull: SUPER cool, he actually stands up for doing the right thing, which I fe
el like I'm the only one that does sometimes. We had a nice talk recently about
some of this stuff I've been feeling.
--Soarin, you're like, really amazing, you show care for me like I show it for you
, you listen to me (and I hope I've listened to you, too. Let me know if you eve

r need to get anything off your chest.) And you've got a ton of patience for peo
ple that I don't anymore.
--All in all, people would advise me to talk all this over with the people in ques
tion. But the thing is, I try to go out of my way to private message people** to
say how much I appreciate them, or to make sure everything is alright, but I fe
el I don't get it back. Some of the people here don't know I have a problem with
them, but some do, and haven't sought me out about it.
(**Admittedly, I haven't done the "I care for you" type of message with a lot of
people, especially not everyone on this list, it's mostly Hiku I'm talking abou
t. Maybe Potato, in the past. Half the people on the list I don't even care to i
nteract with.)
I feel like, if they don't care to talk to me about it on their own initiative a
bout it like I have done for them, then do they really care to even resolve it?
If they talk over me, then do they really care what I have to say? Even with Koj
a I had to actually bring it up with him first. So for all I know it may have be
en an apology to save face because I called him out on it publicly.
I can't always be the only one to try and reach out, I need to be reached out to
, as well.