YOU MAY PRINT AND COPY AND USE THIS HANDOUT FOR YOUR PERSONAL OR PROFESSIONAL USE AS IS AS FREELY

LY AS YOU WISH

LOVE OR ADDICTION ? ? -- CHARACTERISTICS

some excerpts from material supplied by Tice Elkins, L.C.S.W., Roseville, CA

LOVE

(OPEN SYSTEM)

ADDICTION

(CLOSED SYSTEM)

Room to grow, expand; desire for the other to grow

Dependent, based on security and comfort; use

intensity of need and infatuation as proof of love (may
really be fear, insecurity, loneliness)

Separate interests; other friends;

keep other meaningful relationships

Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old

friends, and interests, isolate from all except
relationship

Encouragement of each others expanding;

secure in own self worth

Preocupation with others behavior; dependent on

others approval for own identity, self worth and self
esteem

Trust; openness

Jealousy, possessiveness, fears of competition,

protects supply

Mutual integrity preserved

One partners needs suspended for the others comfort

Willingness to risk and be authentic

Search
for perfect invulnerability -- eliminates
possible risks

Room for exploration of feelings

in and out of relationship

Reassurance through repeated and ritualized activities

and behavior

Ability to enjoy being alone and enjoy

doing things alone

Intolerance for enduring separations even in conflict;

hang-on even tighter. Undergo withdrawal, loss of
appetite, restless, leathargic, dissoriented agony

BREAKUPS
Accept break up without feeling a
loss of own adequacy and self worth

Feel inadequate, worthless, often one-sided dicision

Wants best for partner, though apart;

may become friends eventually

Violent ending - often hate the other; try to inflict pain;

manipulation to get the other back.

ONE- SIDED ADDICTION

Denial, fantasy; over-estimaation of others
commitment. Seeks solutions outside of self - drugs,
alcohol, new lover(s), change of job or situation

OPINIONS

AND FEELINGS ARE FREQUENTLY A

PERSONAL TRIUMPH

OVER

GOOD

THINKING

YOU DEFINE REALITY BY WHAT YOU KNOW, WHAT YOU BELIEVE, AND WHAT YOU DO ABOUT IT.

R&M SEMINARS

TA-TUTOR.COM R&M SEMINARS RELATIONSHIP & MANAGEMENT LEWIS QUINBY LCSW 1671 MYRTLE AVE EUREKA CA 95501 (707) 443-3637