Understanding Emotional Sobriety

Sobriety most commonly refers to refraining from using drugs or alcohol. However, it

can also be applied to a person’s emotional well-being. It involves being able to see

clearly and deal with difficult and negative emotions that a person previously used drugs

or alcohol to hide from. A person who lives a sober life must be prepared

psychologically to examine issues from the past that they are now viewing in the light of

sobriety. In addition, they must have the tools to face new situations and emotions that

come up after they begin their sober lives. 

What Is Codependency?
The concept of codependency received an official name in the 12-step group Alcoholics

Anonymous. The phrase was coined due to the prevalence of people who were

alcoholics who were engaged in codependent relationships. A codependent relationship

can exist between spouses, partners, a parent and child, other family members, and

friends. 

Codependency occurs when an individual becomes involved with someone else in an

unhealthy relationship that has its basis in the first person putting themselves in the role

of a rescuer. They take it upon themselves to devote their energies to trying to save

someone else in order to shore up their own self-esteem or feel useful. 

When the codependent person focuses on someone suffering from an addiction, they

will often make excuses for them and take responsibility for the other person’s actions.

They put that person’s needs ahead of their own, at the expense of their own lives and

responsibilities. While believing they are helping their loved ones, they are taking away

an incentive to take responsibility for themselves. 

An emotionally sober person more easily identifies codependent relationships and

behavior. This allows them to take the necessary steps to curtail them. This lesson

extends to other relationships. It provides the ability to recognize a toxic person or

situation. Once this happens, they can make the decision to step away from them.

The Important of Breaking the Cycle of

Codependency 
Addressing the connection between emotional sobriety and codependency proves

important both in the days after sober life begins and in the long haul. Someone with an

addiction, even if they are in recovery, may find the codependent person’s actions and

attitude to be triggering. If the individual returns home from treatment and picks up the

codependent relationship where they left off, this jeopardizes their recovery.

Once people begin breaking the codependent factor in their relationship, they must

make a consistent effort to keep at it. It takes a while to establish new patterns. This

makes it important for both people to be aware of their own actions. It’s also important

to grow awareness of the other person, in order to avoid backsliding into old habits.

Becoming emotionally sober is one of the most effective ways to stay sober and keep

from creating reasons to relapse. 

Experiencing Emotional Sobriety

A person new to the concept of emotional sobriety may wonder what it feels like. It’s

similar to the difference between experiencing an event or an emotional reaction while

sober as opposed to under the influence of drugs or alcohol. When sober, the situation

and emotions are crystal clear and the person will be able to remember them. Their

thinking isn’t clouded, allowing them to react in a manner rooted in reality. 

When a person is emotionally sober, as they experience emotions and events related to

them, they will be more adept at identifying and understanding them. They can process

their emotions and make healthy decisions about how to handle them. The haze of

alcohol and drugs offers a haven to hide from not only the painful parts of life but also

the joyful times. Emotional sobriety brings a person fully back into life and an ability to

live fully and in the moment. 

Therapy for Emotional Sobriety and

Codependency
People with substance use disorders who also need to make a break from a

codependent relationship account for a large number of the population in treatment.

Because of this, many programs offer therapy that addresses this situation. The person

in treatment can receive individual therapy. They may also access treatment together

with the person involved in the codependent relationship. 

The codependent person may be surprised to learn how they have enabled their loved

one’s addiction and be eager to learn how to break that cycle. They learn how to

separate their own identity from their loved one’s. They also let them take on

responsibility for their past and their recovery. If the two people are married or

partnered, they can also attend couples counseling after formal addiction treatment has

ended.