RED FLAGS IN DATING RELATIONSHIP

1. They rush a new relationship forward too quickly.

2. They describe all of their exes as “crazy.”
3. They’re rude to people in the service industry.
4. Their dating profile doesn’t match who they really are.
5. The way they express anger makes you feel unsafe.
6. They don’t listen to you.
7. They push your physical boundaries, even in “innocent” ways.
8. You’re hesitant to introduce them to your friends.
9. Your friends don’t want to spend time with them.
10. They put you down, even in a teasing way.
11. They gaslight you.
12. Overly controlling behavior
13. They’re prejudiced.
14. They respond poorly when you take time away from them.
15. Lack of trust
16. They’re at a very different life stage than you are.
17. They need constant reassurance.
18. Feeling low self-esteem
19. Physical, emotional, or mental abuse
20. Substance abuse
21. Narcissism
22. Anger management issues
23. Codependency
24. Inability to resolve conflict
25. Constant jealousy
26. Lack of emotional intelligence
27. Negatively affecting your relationship with family and friends
28. They rely on you as their sole support for serious mental health issues or past traumas.

Dating red flags

Isolation: They only want to be with you, and while that might sound flattering, they also encourage you
to cut ties with friends and family.

Smothering: They constantly put you or others down, even if they mistakenly believe they’re just
kidding.

All work all the time: Their job takes precedence over your time together, and they don’t hesitate to
cancel dates or leave you early to attend to what’s more important to them.

Affection-Taking: They withhold affection or punish you by withholding affection.

Selfish: The plans you make with them only involve what they want to do, and they always get their way.
Avoiding: There are important subjects that they refuse to discuss.

All-consuming: They say they love you right away, and even if you’re not there yet, it only matters that
you satisfy their needs.

Ever-changing: You’re never good enough, and they’re always trying to change you.

Rudeness: They are dismissive or mean to your closest friends and family.

Snooping: They check your private texts or emails or demand to do so.

Unimportant: They aren’t proud of your accomplishments and don’t share in your successes.

Next-level: They don’t know how to fight fair—they’re physically or emotionally dominating you.

Subservience: You stay silent and shoulder their lousy behavior because dealing with their outbursts is
too exhausting—you may even feel afraid to leave.

Controlling Behavior: It can be painfully difficult to break up with someone you like (or may even think
you love), but controlling behavior that’s left unchecked can escalate into verbal or physical abuse. Need
real help or feel like you’re a victim? Don’t be afraid to reach out! Visit The National Domestic Violence
Hotline to get the help you deserve.

Online Dating Red Flags

Online dating can be tough—the laggy video calls, lack of physical touch, and awkward random internet
outages can all make dating awkward. But it can go deeper than that. Can you really trust the person on
the other end of the line? Spot these online dating red flags to help you stay safe:

The money-grabber: No matter how sincere they seem to be, don’t ever give money to a person you’ve
met on a dating app when they compliment you on being nice and say they need your help. They may
have conned other people out of money like this before, and it can happen to anyone—both men and
women alike.

The self-hater: Some people will admit they’re trouble before they do anything wrong to you. If they
joke about their terrible temper, they may be warning you about a personality flaw. Proceed with
caution.

The “I love you” too quickly: Online dating can create a false sense of intimacy, and some people
mistake the newness and excitement for a real relationship. If someone expresses love before they
know you, it’s not a solid emotional response.

The lacking profile: Is their profile too vague, or are there very few pictures of them? Not everyone
enjoys getting their photo taken or talking about themselves, but that’s necessary on a dating app. Make
sure you are able to dig deeper in chats or do a video call to learn more.
Red Flags When Dating in Your 50s (and 60s, 70s, and 80s)

A great relationship is possible at this stage in life when you know yourself and what you want—but be
aware, there are red flags when dating in your 50s. 

The disappearing act: You meet someone and see them multiple times. You’re getting comfortable and
hope it becomes exclusive. Then they disappear for weeks or months. If they reconnect, there’s no
explanation. Your time is valuable. Don’t waste it on someone flaky.

The constant texting: Texting is quick, but it’s also impersonal, and you deserve genuine conversation
and connection. Whether it’s laziness or a fear of rejection, someone who always texts and never calls
isn’t sending you the right message.

The see-saw effect: Dating in midlife requires balance, with work commitments, kids, and grandkids all
pulling at someone’s time. If this is a serious relationship, you should respect their schedule, but you
shouldn’t feel like you’re in last place.

The Peter Pan: Emotional maturity doesn’t always correspond with a person’s physical age, and some
people remain stuck in bad habits from their youth. Someone might say they need you, but you’re not
their mother, nurse, or housekeeper.

Dating a Divorced Man Red Flags

The bad mouth: If someone is constantly trashing their ex, it’s doubtful that they’re emotionally ready
for a new relationship. Unresolved hurt and anger block the heart. It will be hard for them to love again
until they face their issues and heal.

The blameless: Are they adamant that they have no blame for the failure of their marriage? Taking
responsibility is one of life’s toughest choices to make, but it’s necessary to move forward. If they don’t,
they may start blaming you too.

The biting: Is their sarcasm growing? Some people have a dry sense of humor that takes getting used
to… but if they’re getting critical (or contemptuous) of you and life in general, that negativity can
paralyze a relationship and harm your mental health.

The disbelieving: They may still be hurting, and that’s understandable, but if their fear of being hurt or
left again is damaging their ability to trust, that insecurity acts like an impenetrable wall against intimacy
with you.

Dating a Widower Red Flags

Grief and mourning are heavy stages to go through when dating a widower. Red flags can include
shouldering some of their overwhelming grief. You can be compassionate, but make sure your
relationship can sustain it and thrive.
The reluctance to heal: Are they martyring themselves for the sake of a deceased love? While walking
through grief is a necessary pain for healing, some people get stuck and won’t move on.

The remembering: It may be a paradise island or a greasy spoon. If it reminds them of their past, they
may not want to tarnish their memories by including you. When it feels like you’re sidestepping your
way through a minefield, they can’t move forward with you.

The retiring type: It’s okay to be a homebody, but if they never leave the house, you may feel like
they’re trying to hide something. It’s acceptable to need time, but they can’t keep being afraid to be
seen with you.

The unwilling: This is a situation where three simple words really do mean everything. If they can’t get to
the point of admitting their love for you, it’s not going to help either of you to try and force it out of
them.

Dating a Narcissist Red Flags

The unfortunate truth is we’re all capable of narcissism as a form of self-preservation, but when you’re
dating a genuine narcissist, red flags get particularly intolerable.

The superiority: They may say they’re happy with you, as long as you constantly remind them that
they’re perfect and that you love them, and you must live with the fact that they’re likely never going to
change.

The story is about them: Every relationship has a story, and the stories with the happiest endings are
between two equal partners. You’ll never be the equal of a narcissist because their story selfishly
revolves around them.

The secret: Many narcissists share a deep secret—their insecurity and sense of envy are so crippling,
they overcompensate by creating a wildly inaccurate fantasy about themselves. They aren’t real, and
they aren’t worthy of you.

The contempt smirk: Psychologists call it the contempt smirk, a facial expression that narcissists display
when they’re assuming power and control over someone they feel is inferior. Don’t let that sly grin fool
you—it could be a big indicator that they are trouble.

Dating a Narcissist Red Flags:

Superiority. They truly believe they’re better than anyone, especially their partner.

Story of one. Their lives selfishly revolve around them.

Secrets. They create fantasies of who they are to hide big insecurities. They’re fakes.

The smirk. Beware of this facial expression—the physical trademark of a narcissist.

 Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for:

Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have
no desire for emotional intimacy.

Unrealistic sense of entitlement. They expect others to cater to their desires and may get angry when
corrected, put out, or treated as if they’re “common.”

Needs to be the center of attention. They may get unreasonably distressed if they feel ignored or if
someone else gets more attention than they do.

Displays arrogant behaviors and attitudes. They may constantly talk about their successes, romantic
conquests, or money. They might “complain” about how much they get hit on.

Exploits and takes advantage of others. They use others for their own gain. For instance, they might be
“friends” with someone just so they can use their pool or get rides to work.

Regularly talks about their fantasies of power, success, or beauty. Conversations often revolve around
material things and never get too deep.

Behaves as if they’re exceptionally “special.” They feel like they can only be understood by other
“special” people.

Envious of others or think that others are envious of them. They may gossip about people they’re
secretly envious of, or make up their own reasons for why that person is successful, attractive, well-
liked, etc. (“She only looks good because of all that plastic surgery.”)

How to spot a narcissist on the first date

You’re on a first date with someone who’s exciting and fun but you’re worried
they might be a little egotistical or shallow. Could your new date have
narcissistic traits?

While it’s difficult to identify a potential narcissist on the first date, you might
be able to spot a few red flags:

 Have they been love-bombing you? Has your date been

overwhelming you with affectionate texts from the get-go? Love-
 bombing — excessive and affectionate communication and gestures
(compliments, gifts, etc.) at the beginning of a romantic relationship — is
typically carried out by narcissists to obtain power and control over you.

In fact, research suggests that love-bombing may be a necessary strategy for

romantic relationships among people with high traits of narcissism and low
levels of self-esteem. Of course, people without narcissism can also love-
bomb, but it’s typically because they really like you and because they are
trying to control you.

 Pay attention to the conversations. Do their conversations tend to

revolve around their interests only? Do their eyes glaze over when you
start talking? Do they seem to focus most on material things like nice
cars or shoes?

 How do they treat others? Narcissists can be indifferent or even rude

to people they think are “below” them. Pay attention if your date
complains a lot or gets angry at the waiter for small things. Do they
enjoy making the waiter feel uncomfortable?

 Do they have an excessive need for attention and validation? Do

they seem excessively concerned with their appearance? Are they
constantly looking around to see who’s looking at them?

 Do they never get vulnerable? Does your date focus only on all of

their achievements and successes? Do they avoid personal questions?
Are they focused on getting you to be vulnerable instead?

 Have you caught them in a lie? Look out for lies, games, and any
manipulative tactics. Perhaps they told you they have no contact with
their ex-partner, but in the middle of your date, they get a call from their
ex.
  Do you like them less as the night goes on? ResearchTrusted
Source indicates that narcissists tend to make a great first impression
due to their perceived self-confidence, but this impression tends to
decline over time due to a lack of true connection and depth.
Cluster B red flags

Narcissistic personality disorder is categorized as a Cluster B personality disorder. Disorders in this

cluster are defined by dramatic and erratic emotions and behaviors.

Other Cluster B disorders include antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and
histrionic personality disorder. People with these disorders often have overlapping symptoms of the
other disorders.

Red flags for these Cluster B disorders might include the following:

unstable relationships

easily triggered/volatile emotions

obsessively focused on appearance

engages in inappropriate behaviors to get praise or attention

easily influenced by others

thinking relationships are closer or more intimate than they really are

unable to control anger

manipulates others

difficulty maintaining long-term relationships

acts irresponsibly

lacks guilt

feelings of emptiness

lack of self-reflection

What to do if you’re dating a narcissist

If you suspect you’re dating a narcissist, it might be hard to know exactly what to do next, especially if
you have feelings for them. Narcissism is a mental health condition, which means they are not choosing
to be this way.
Instead, people with narcissism tend to have low self-esteem and protect themselves by engaging in
grandiose behavior. If you’re dating a person with narcissistic traits, you may find their behavior quite
hurtful at times.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to end the relationship, but it does mean you will want to
reflect on whether this is a type of dynamic you are comfortable exploring.

Consider educating yourself on narcissism and on how to set clear boundaries in your relationship. You
may also want to consider therapy.

This Psych Central article gives more information on how to deal with a narcissistic partner.

Can you successfully date a narcissist?

Narcissism exists on a spectrum, which means how challenging a person with narcissism is to date can
vary significantly. This means that if you have strong feelings for someone with narcissism, there is hope
and you don’t necessarily need to end the relationship right away.

However, you may also want to prepare yourself for a potentially different type of relationship dynamic
than you may be used to. As a result, you will likely want to develop healthy coping strategies and
understand the limits of your relationship. Ensuring you have a good support system outside of your
relationship can also be incredibly helpful.

In short, you can sustain a relationship with a narcissist but it will likely require adjusting expectations
and realizing you may not get all you want and need from the relationship.