NOT SO SUPER

CHARACTERS
DR. (JOHN) MISERY: a villain dressed up in a dark pinstripe suit with a green buttondown and matching polka-dot bowtie. His hair is highly gelled and slicked back and his skin is
unsettlingly pale with a twinge of sickly green at the cheeks. His personality is volatile, he seems
like he can snap at any second, yet he appears to remain mostly in control of his actions. Any
time the subject of suffering comes up, he relishes in retelling of the pain he has caused.
CAPT. (RODGER) RED CAPE: the heroic foil to the evil Dr. Misery. He is dressed up in
a white spandex body-suit, red boots, red mask, and red cape. He tends to walk with his chest
puffed out, and usually talks in a television-ready voice, as if he thinks he is being recorded at
any moment. Where Dr. Misery slouches, he stands tall. Where the villain rubs his hands, he
claps his together. He is the complete opposite of Dr. Misery.

SETTING
The lair of Dr. Misery. The only important details are an oblong table that appears as if it were
meant for business meetings, and two chairs on either side of this long table. For ambiance there
could be electronic blinking noises, or the occasional gasket releasing steam. The idea is that this
is Dr. Miserys main lair where all of his doom gadgets and deadly gizmos have built up over the
years.

(DR. MISERY is sitting in one of the chairs closest to STAGE LEFT. On the table is an obscurelooking gun of sorts, clearly one of MISERYs inventions. Next to it, is an empty glass that
appears to have been filled with a dark reddish liquid. Perhaps wine? He is leaning forward, his
hands on his knees, and he is looking at his watch, counting down)

DR. MISERY
Four Three Two One.

(Right on cue, a slamming sound can be heard and CAPT. RED CAPE runs into the scene from
STAGE RIGHT. He is out of breath, but wears a triumphant smile.)

Right on time.

CAPT. RED CAPE

Hold it right there, Dr. Misery!

DR. MISERY
Took you long enough. You had me worried Id made my security system too difficult for you
this time.

CAPT. RED CAPE

Ha! As if! Ill always foil your inventions, Doctor. Nothing can beat the raw power of the human
will.

DR. MISERY
Uh huh. (Beat) So, before we get this final showdown started, do you want anything to drink?
Coffee? Water? Soda? Ive got Dr. Pepper.

CAPT. RED CAPE

Enough of your games and banter, I wont let you monologue away again! It ends now.

DR. MISERY
Does it, now? Well, this certainly calls for me to break out the sparkling grape juice, doesnt it?
(Reaches under the table and pulls out a tall glass bottle with the cork already gone. He tips it
over and refills his glass. CAPT. RED CAPE pauses, unsure of what to make of the situation)
Go on, sit, sit. Have a drink, wont you? I dont want to feel rude here. (DR. MISERY doesnt
look up from pouring as CAPT. RED CAPE sits. MISERY then reaches down and pulls out
another glass and fills it as well. He stands and approaches the skeptical CAPT. RED CAPE and
hands the new glass to him. The captain takes it carefully) Dont worry, its not going to explode.
I gave up that gag a while ago.

CAPT. RED CAPE

Whats the meaning of this, Doctor? (Deciding not to sip from the glass, he sets it down and
stands, confronting the Doctor) I have had enough of your foolish games! As I said before, it
ends now! This is the final straw.

DR. MISERY
(After an exasperated sigh) Very well. (Turns away to recover the brunt of his supervillain
voice) Yes! It is true. I derailed the 11:00 train this morning, killing hundreds of people as they
were taking their commute to lunch. Their families will moun, their friends will cry, and their
places of work will wait a polite week before replacing them. The cycle goes on, Cap. Here we
are as proof enough of that.

CAPT. RED CAPE

No! Im here to stop your plan here and now. Im here to take you down to the station! Its time
you did time for your crimes.

DR. MISERY
Oh please, you flatter me. There is no more to the plan.

CAPT. RED CAPE

Excuse me?

DR. MISERY
You heard me. That was it. Boom. 437 people dead. No more, no less.

CAPT. RED CAPE

Madness! When will you end your bloodlust?

DR. MISERY
Bloodlust? Is that what you think this is? Oh, please, I thought you knew me better than that. If I
had been doing this for bloodlust I would have gone for something more savage, like a hospital
or an orphanage. No, I did this for a far different reason.

CAPT. RED CAPE

What, then? For fun! Is that all this is to you, a game?

DR. MISERY
In a way, yes, but that's not why I did it. Contrary to the saying, its much more fun to watch a
building topple than to watch a train wreck. Plus, you can really rack up the numbers when the
smoke starts choking people in the street. If I wanted a fun time I well I wouldnt have done
what I did.

CAPT. RED CAPE

Then what? What logical reason could you have for derailing that train?

DR. MISERY
Ha! Logic? (Beat) Logic left my mind ages ago. No. It wasnt for anything more than I wanted
you here, Rodger.

CAPT. RED CAPE

(Stunned into silence for a moment, then) You wanted me here so you could try and end me once
and for all, didnt you? Ha-ha, well, nice try, Doctor, you know full well that my skin cannot be
penetrated by anything! Bullet or laser.

DR. MISERY
You wound me. To think that, after all these years, you still cant give me a little genuine credit
for my inventions. (Takes the odd-looking gun from the table and aims it at CAPT. RED CAPE)
Look at this, Cap. Its a weapon designed specifically to kill you.

CAPT. RED CAPE

What? How?

DR. MISERY
Oh, please dont make me explain it in length. You and I both know thats not going to be a very
interesting monologue. The short of it is: I found the secret crystal caves where you got your
powers. I loaded one of the source crystals in here like a dart. You and I both know that it alone
is strong enough to bring down that which it created.

CAPT. RED CAPE

(Taking a defensive stance) Impossible.

DR. MISERY
Oh, quite possible, I assure you. You may be strong, but you cant outrun a speeding dart,
Rodger.

CAPT. RED CAPE

So what now? You end me here and go on a rampage killing indiscriminately?

DR. MISERY
(Beat. There is a moment where it almost seems like the Doctor is ready to shoot. In the end, he
throws the gun on the table and shrugs his shoulders) If I had really wanted to kill you, I would
have done it when you first jumped in here. Or ages ago, even, when I first invented this thing.

CAPT. RED CAPE

What? Ages ago? What do you want, then?

DR. MISERY
To tell you that Im done.

CAPT. RED CAPE

Done?

DR. MISERY
Yes. Exactly.

CAPT. RED CAPE

You cant do that. You cant quit just like that. Youve done too much, killed too many, caused
too much too much misery! You cant quit as if youve never done any of that stuff, the
world wont let you.

DR. MISERY
(Exploding) Dont you think I know that!? (Beat. CAPT. RED CAPEs look softens) Dont you
think I know that that I cant just leave this life behind. But Im tired of it. Im so tired of all of
this. I want to be done. I want it to end. I want to escape.

CAPT. RED CAPE

(Takes a couple of steps toward DR. MISERY) John

DR. MISERY
(Suddenly lunging for the gun, pressing it to CAPT. RED CAPEs throat. When he speaks, he is
practically shouting with hysterical intensity) I KNOW. (Beat) Im done, Rodger. Im done,
DONE. Do you hear me? You either kill me, Rodger, or I put this shard through your throat. Ill
do it, Rodger. Dont doubt me! Either kill me, or die.

CAPT. RED CAPE

John, you wouldnt

DR. MISERY
Oh, wouldnt I? WOULDNT I? You dont know shit about me, Rodger, and I dont want you to.
Ill kill you now without even blinking an eye. (Beat, CAPT. RED CAPE does nothing) DONT
YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. Ill do it! I swear to Ill do it! (Another beat) ENOUGH.
Do something you useless SNAP MY NECK OR ILL SHOOT YOU IN THE THROAT!
(Beat) Kill me. Do it! Are you listening to me you stupid oaf? KILL ME!

CAPT. RED CAPE

I wont do it, John.

DR. MISERY
(Stares the Captain down, practically on the verge of tears. After a while, he lowers the gun and
steps away) You selfish son of a bitch.

CAPT. RED CAPE

Excuse me?

DR. MISERY
You heard me! Youre a selfish son of a bitch. What is it? Cant kill me because of some stupid
moral compass or something?

CAPT. RED CAPE

No, I

DR. MISERY
Or is it because you know some other waked up sob will take my place?

CAPT. RED CAPE

True, but still

DR. MISERY
(As if enlightened) I get it. Its because you know you need me. Without me your life would be
nothing! Meaningless!

CAPT. RED CAPE

Youre full of it.

DR. MISERY

No, youre full of it! You self-righteous prick! At least I have the guts to admit that I couldnt
pull the trigger.

CAPT. RED CAPE

What are you talking about?

DR. MISERY
(Holding up the weapon in his hand) I made this over a year ago, you idiot. I couldve ended you
any time I wanted.

CAPT. RED CAPE

But you didnt

DR. MISERY
Youre right, I didnt. Because I cant go on without you. (Beat) Our lives are cycles, now,
Rodger. We dont live on that straight line from birth to death that everyone else does. We chose
to leave that life a long time ago, didnt we? If I had known then, that there was no going back, I
would have never left. Now the only way out for either of us is for one of us to die. At least if
Im the one to go, you have some chance. (Beat) Youre a good guy, Rodger. And I dont mean
that in the do-gooder way, I mean youre a good man. You know how to function out there in
that world. I dont. I thought I thrived in the chaos, but I wouldnt last a day out there. You stare
chaos in the fact every day and come out on top, so I know youd be fine. You can live without
me.

CAPT. RED CAPE

I stop. Stop this.

DR. MISERY
There is no stop anymore. Ive been thinking about this for a while. Dont even try to talk me out
of it. Just let me go out with some dignity, please. At least I wont look so bad if you finally
took me out, right? Theyll say I went down swingin.

CAPT. RED CAPE

(After some time) No. No I wont do this. (Turns to walk away)

DR. MISERY
(Raising the gun again and aiming it at CAPT. RED CAPE) You forget, Rodger. I still have this.
Kill me, now, or Ill kill you. Im not joking this time.

CAPT. RED CAPE

You wont do it. I know you. (Begins to walk out)

DR. MISERY
No you dont! Get back here, you dont know me! (CAPT continues walking) I said turn around!
Turn around and kill me! I have never asked you for anything before, this is the least you can do,
you bastard! (CAPT pauses, it seems like he is about to turn around, but he begins walking
again, wordlessly) (DR. MISERYs anger has reached a boiling point now, he is screaming) NO!
YOU SELFISH SON OF A BITCH I (There is a loud BANG and CAPT. RED CAPE drops to

the floor in a heap. DR MISERY realizes that he pulled the trigger of the gun and stands stunned
for a moment before dropping the weapon and rushing to CAPTs side) No no. It cant work.
Not now, not after all these years. (Flips over CAPT. RED CAPE to see that he is struggling to
take his last few breaths) You cant die on me, Rodger. You cant die on everyone else. Youre
Captain Red Cape. People need you. I need you.

CAPT. RED CAPE

Its over, John. All I can do now is thank you.

DR. MISERY
What are you talking about?

CAPT. RED CAPE

I couldnt do it anymore, either. Thanks for pulling the trigger when I couldnt.

(With those last words, CAPT. RED CAPE dies, leaving DR. MISERY holding his body, sobbing.
Lights out. End of play.)