Dear Mrs.

Futhey,
As a growing writer, there is always a multitude of ways to increase your clarity, context
and prose of the pieces that you write. I Decided to revise #3 a profile on an Organization. While
the piece is arguably the best paper of my English 150 term, I thought it was lacking in both
clarity and at times lost focus, being overall focused on the writer and not the audience. During
the Revision I focused on restructuring the sentence structure, finding a new title for the paper,
creating a clearer thesis statement to make the paper easier for the reader to follow, as well as
cleaning up grammatical errors and stylistic mistakes.
In Order to Clarify the purpose of my writing I decided that I need to ditch my old title
and look for a new one. Previously My papers title read. Iowa State Energy Center and while
this title works great and directly states the main focus which is me talking about the center, I
thought the title should actually describe more of the purpose of this organization to give the
audience a clearer idea about my subject., rather than copying the name verbatim into the title of
the paper. So I renamed the paper The Energy of nature. I though this title actually captures
nuances of what the center focuses on and that is renewable and bio renewable resources which
come from nature such as wind and corn ethanol, which come from nature, and gives the reader a
clear idea about what I am going to talk about.
As well as Changing the title to be more clear I reworded the thesis statement to further
clarify my paper, beforehand I received comments such as the subject was clumsily
worded/introduced. Before the thesis statement read I realized how important the Iowa State

Energy Center through its education and economic development programs Brings Biodiesel and
renewable energy to the mainstream, as well as providing economic opportunities to Iowans
across the state. After the Revision it now reads I realized how important the Iowa State
Energy Centers education and economic development programs are to bringing biodiesel and
renewable energy to the mainstream, as well as providing economic opportunities to Iowans
across the state. During the revision I decided to split the thesis statement into two sentences,
because it became too long, clunky and overall just hard to understand and read, thus making it
hard for the reader to clearly understand the purpose of my paper. A Clearer thesis statement
allows the audience to be further engaged into your paper. Because of this revision I believe my
thesis statement is now more concise and easier to understand for the audience.
Furthermore, I Decided to Maintain the structure and did minimal revisions to paragraph
3 of my paper because I felt like it clearly describes to the audience the Structure and
organization of the center, as well as providing a little bit of history through an anecdote, to keep
the reader engaged through a part of the paper that can get a little technical at times, even after
receiving a couple of comments saying it wanders a little bit. I overall I felt like paragraph 3
was the highpoint of my paper, and though I should keep it as it was.
Lastly I Decided to do a simple revision to the second to last sentence in my conclusion
paragraph changing the word it to Iowa state energy center. Beforehand the audience was
confused as to what it meant, rather than be the state of Iowa, or the Iowa energy center, so I
wanted to clarify that the Iowa State Energy center was responsible for Iowa being the leader in

us as far as wind energy goes. Overall I though my conclusion required very little adjusting
because it clearly restated the purpose of the center as well, as left the audience with an open
ended question, which I wanted there to encourage the reader to do their own research on this
topic after reading my paper on this organization