War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

It's your god. They're your rules. You go to hell.

I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didnt work
that way... so I stole a bike and asked for his forgiveness
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack
sufficient imagination.
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus
stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like
expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
You know your god is man-made when he hates all the same people
you do.
Evolutionists have proof without any certainty. Creationists have
certainty without any proof.
It isn't homework unless it's due tomorrow.
In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone
should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's
beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from
drowning them at birth.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
Laws are like sausages. It is better not to see them being made.
Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied.
People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an
election.
Anyone who has ever looked into the glazed eyes of a soldier dying on
the battlefield will think hard before starting a war.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Those who drink to drown their sorrows should be told that sorrows
know how to swim
Unless you can question your own beliefs, you have no place
questioning the beliefs of others.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities
without your help.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
There is a light at the end of every tunnel. Just pray that it isnt a train.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, keep in mind that the Fire
Department usually uses water.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit
atrocities

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like
administering medicine to the dead.
The intelligence of a group is inversely proportionate to its size
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
I judge a religion as being good or bad based on whether its adherents
become better people as a result of practicing it.
There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their
products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to
advertise them.
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich
countries to rich people in poor countries.
Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from many.
There are many humorous things in the world: among them the white
man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages
No one is perfect, but some of us are closer than others.
It's not what you say in your argument, it's how loud you say it.
The worst part of having success is trying to find someone who is
happy for you.
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read, but nobody
wants to read
Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you recognize a
mistake when you make it again.
To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler- and
less trouble
The only way to get rid of corruption in high places is to get rid of high
places.
Build a better mouse trap... and you'll be sued by someone who
patented mouse trapping devices in 1993.
A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it
is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
Nothing brings people closer than a common enemy
Friends, people who borrow your books and set wet glasses on them.
People who know you well, but like you anyway.
In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others.
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the
difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster
than you is a maniac.
Friends may come and go, but your enemies accumulate. Thus, it is
imperative that you befriend as many of them as possible.
Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a
winning candidate.
Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much
trouble to put makeup on two faces.
An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.

Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to

be taken at his word.
A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from
the poor. All while promising to protect one from the other.
A lot of people become pessimists from financing optimists.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Problems that go away by themselves, come back by themselves.
To ensure perfect aim, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target
The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other
bastard die for his.
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..." - General John Sedgwick
(1813-1864), last words
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just
bombed.
If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
Politicians, like diapers, have to be changed frequently - and for the
very same reason.
Democracy: Where any two idiots outvote a genius.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
"What good fortune for those in power, people don't think!"
I'll take terrorism over totalitarianism
The best argument against democracy is a five minute chat with the
average voter
Men often believe -- or pretend -- that the "Law" is something sacred,
or at least a science -- an unfounded assumption very convenient to
governments.
If you have to become a police state to enforce your law, the law is
wrong.
I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind
of loophole.
The UN is the place where governments that suppress free speech
demand to be heard.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own
form of misery.
I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the
truth--even if it costs him his job.
One of the mysteries of human conduct is why adult men and women
are ready to sign documents they do not read, at the behest of
salesmen they do not know, binding them to pay for articles they do
not want, with money which they do not have.
Only a fool learns from his own mistakes. The wise man learns from the
mistakes of others

When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.

Politics is the art of the possible, the attainable the art of the next
best.
Preventive war is like committing suicide out of fear of death.
Politics are not a science based on logic; they are the capacity of
always choosing at each instant, in constantly changing situations, the
least harmful, and the most useful.
A conquering army on the border will not be stopped by eloquence.
Woe to the leader whose arguments at the end of a war are not as
plausible as they were at the beginning.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the
common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you
please.
The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who
cannot read.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to
pause and reflect.
God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be
their option.
Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite
you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.