Andrew Helsel

Kaitlyn Pierce
25 May 2016
AP English IV
Catherine Earnshaw: Audition
The room was well-lit. It was small, with fluorescent lighting embedded in the ceiling every few
feet. There was a small wooden table, probably oaken, with a kind of golden red trip, perhaps
rose gold. This is quite sophisticated for an audition. Thought the woman who was currently
walking in. She was dressed in an old-fashioned garb. She wore a bulky dress, multi-layered with
an excessive amount of lace and needlessly complicated patterns smothering the surface. A corset
wrapped tightly around her waist, giving her an almost unnaturally hourglass-shaped figure. She
looks like she belongs in a renaissance reenactment. Commented one of the audition team.
Of the three people seated at the fancy table, one wore blue, sporting a wispy blonde beard and a
strangely-patterned baldness seeming to pop up on his scalp, whilst the other two looked fairly
standard, with dark hair and brown eyes. They could be brothers, even. Name? Said the man
with the wispy beard.
Oh, why it is Catherine. Catherine Earnshaw. She said in an overly distinguished manner.Uhhuh. Replied brunette guy number one. She smiled and chuckled lowly, obviously thinking
her introduction had gone quite splendidly.
All right. Said the remaining brunette man. Lets just get this over with. Its almost time to go,
and youre the last thing standing between me, and a tall vodka martini.

The woman grimaced at that. How uncivilized. She thought. But, of course, kind sir. Catherine
settled into a slouched posture that seemed entirely unbefitting for one wearing her current attire,
and took a deep breath. I am ready. She spoke with a determined air of aloofness.
The men stared at her, slightly bewildered now. Well you can go right on ahead whenever
youre ready, renaissance. She indignantly opened her eyes, and opened her mouth to address
the derogatory comment about her attire. Ill have you know this is handsewn by the finest
seamstress in all of Wales!
Uh-huh, look, lady, are you going to get a move on or what? I have a life outside of this hellhole too yknow?
UGH! Fine! As you wish, you imbecilic gypsy man. Catherine retorted.
Catherine opened her eyes, a look of apparent anguish coming onto her face; it was as if the earth
itself had threatened to split open, taking her only shred of happiness with it, AND her puppy. JJack.theres a boat, Jack.T-Theres a - Jack?
The audition team sat in stunned silence at the womans acting skills. One could feel her anguish
in the very air. It was almost permeable. All right, miss, I think that will do for sad. We dont
need to cry just to know you got sadness down. Lets see something happy now.
Catherine looked confused. All right. Happy it is! She looked off into the distance, closing her
eyes and steadying her breath for a new scene. She smiled widely for a moment, before
something changed. Her face flipped back into one of terrifying anguish, and she opened her
mouth letting forth a guttural scream of grief, as if the very nations of the world had
collaboratively decided to kill ALL THE PUPPIES IN THE WORLD!
AHHHHHHHHH! She cried. ITS SO WONDERFUL!

The audition team gaped at the sight before them. It was almost painful to watch someone act
that horribly sad. It was literally difficult to watch. No, no lady we want happy now. Yknow,
like sunshine happy. Not: Im literally about to die happy....that isnt happy.
Ahh, but happiness is an ILLUSION! She screamed manically Dont you SEE?!?!
*BEGIN RANT WHERE SHE CONTINUES TO GO ON FOREVER BECAUSE SHE ONLY
KNOWS SADNESS BECAUSE HER LIFE SUCKED THE END*