The Eroding (Ok, Eroded) Masculinity of the American Male

By Luke Manley, MPH

When you reflect on what it means to be a Man, you probably think in

much the same way as generations of men have before you. The tough Western
cowboy, the dutiful soldier, or the heroic fireman. Chances are you don’t consider
Adam Sandler’s Billy Madison, Seth McFarlane’s Peter Griffin, or any of the
current crop of male TV sitcom characters to be pillars of Masculinity. Yet while
the stoic, focused, and responsible male archetype has persisted for generations,
it seems that at no other point in our history has the reality deviated so sharply
from the ideal.
In a fascinating new novel, cultural historian Gary Cross explores the
modern epidemic of man-boyhood that first infected parts of the WWII
generation, spread most noticeably in the Boomer generation, and has now
become a part of the cultural genome of the Gen X’ers and Millennials. Don’t
believe it? Just take a look at the way men are overwhelmingly portrayed in the
most popular TV shows and movies. Awkward, whiny characters stuck in a
perpetual state of immaturity that in most cases must be dragged, kicking and
screaming away from their toys and into adulthood. Toys that are
indistinguishable from those in which they indulged ad nauseum during their
teenage and college years. These man-boys view responsibility and formerly
respectable activities such as excelling in a career, marriage, and raising a family
as an albatross at best and at worst a curse to be avoided at all costs. Once
resigned to this domestic purgatory, we nurture our portrayal as bumbling, beer-
swilling, video-game-addicted, good-for-nothings. Consider the cultural icons of
the older generations, such as Cary Grant, Robert Redford, Humphrey Bogart,
and Paul Newman and compare it to today’s stars. Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen,
Hugh Grant, and Russel Brand. Men whose characters celebrate and revel in
their desire to avoid commitment and responsibility. Most frightening of all is that
the statistics bear out this shift. Surely exacerbated by the current financial
crisis, which has hit men especially hard, a staggering 55% of American men
between 18 and 24 years old and 13% between 25 and 34 are currently living
with their parents. This is compared to only 8% of women in the same situation.
The average age for marriage has been climbing steadily over the years and now
over 16 percent of men reach their early 40s without marrying, up from only 6%
in 1980. What do the statistics say men are doing with all this extra time? Sadly,
not working on their careers, but rather indulging in the same activities that they
were unable to leave behind in college. For example, the average video game
player was 18 years old a decade ago. Want to take a guess at the mean age
now? If you guessed 33 you would be, sadly, correct.
Most interesting is that Mr. Cross traces the roots of much of this change
back to the men of the Baby Boomer generation and their rejection of their
father’s passive involvement in their childhood. These men brought about what
in many ways was a sea change in the paternal-child relationship, making it
acceptable for fathers to no longer be merely the disciplinarian, but take on roles
that had always been traditionally reserved for women. They paved the way for
the modern emotionally available, stay-at-home, soccer dads. However, in
subsequent generations this laissez-faire approach to fatherhood appears to
have caused an unintended confusion about the role of manhood. In the quest
to dismantle the father-as-authoritarian and regain some of our boyhood to
connect more with our kids, we have failed to produce a proper alternative role-
model to which men can aspire. This ambiguousness has led to much of the
current culture of men as the loveable, useless, lounge-about; dad as the easy-
going playmate that flouts the rules as often as the kids.
Now don’t get me wrong, no one laughs harder at Forgetting Sarah
Marshall and Happy Gilmore than I and there is nothing I look forward to more
than playing a twilight game of hide-and-seek or having summer water-balloon
battles with my kids. Yet there has to exist a healthy mix of 1950’s responsible
disciplinarian and 2010’s lovable playmate (my vote is for Mike Brady or Cliff
Huxtable). There is a dignity and nobility in the balance of softness and strength,
a trait that our wives and girlfriends will surely appreciate and which our sons and
daughters will benefit from and remember far more than how to beat Level 5 of
Rock Band. I don’t need my kids to call me “Sir”, but I sure as heck don’t want
them calling me “Dude”.

References

“Men to Boys: The Making of Modern Immaturity”. Gary Cross. 2010. Book
Review: http://cup.columbia.edu/book/978-0-231-14430-8/men-to-boys

Excerpt from “Men to Boys: The Making of Modern Immaturity. History News
Network. George Mason University. 2008. http://hnn.us/articles/53417.html

The Basement Boys: The making of modern immaturity. Newsweek. George F.

Will. 2010. http://www.newsweek.com/2010/03/07/the-basement-boys.html