7KLVVWRU\ZDVÀUVWVHHQLQ

Kaleidoscope
Man and the
Stealth Nurse By  Laura  Novak

SHE  WAS  A  STEALTH  NURSE,  silent  and  so  short  she  could  slip  under  radar.  She  
ǁĂƐƚŚĞĞŶZEŽĨŶĞǁďŽƌŶŝŶƚĞŶƐŝǀĞĐĂƌĞ͕ƵŶŇĂƉƉĂďůĞĂŶĚƐĞƌĞŶĞŝŶĂǁŽƌůĚǁŚĞƌĞ
the  sights  and  sounds  assault  the  senses.
A  sigh  or  a  push  on  her  glasses  could  telegraph  anything  from  euphoria  to  compassion  
ĨĂƟŐƵĞ͘/ƚǁĂƐũƵƐƚƐŽŚĂƌĚƚŽƚĞůů͘dŚĞŶƵƌƐĞƉůĂLJĞĚŚĞƌĐĂƌĚƐĐůŽƐĞƚŽƚŚĞĐŚĞƐƚͶĂ
ĚĞĨĞŶƐĞŵĞĐŚĂŶŝƐŵ͕ƚŽďĞƐƵƌĞ͘KŶĞ/ŚĂĚŶŽƚLJĞƚŵĂƐƚĞƌĞĚ͘
^ŚĞŚĂĚďĞĞŶŽŶĞŽĨŵLJƐŽŶ͛ƐƉƌŝŵĂƌLJŶƵƌƐĞƐ͘^ŚĞƉĂƟĞŶƚůLJƚĂƵŐŚƚŵĞƚŽƚƵďĞĨĞĞĚ
ĂŶĚƐƵĐƟŽŶ͘/ůĞĂƌŶĞĚƚŽƐŶĂƉĂŝƌďƵďďůĞƐĨƌŽŵĂƐLJƌŝŶŐĞďLJŵŝŵŝĐŬŝŶŐŚĞƌŝŵƉŽƐƐŝďůLJ
ƉĞƟƚĞĮŶŐĞƌƐ͘^ŚĞůĂƚĞƌŵĞŶƚŽƌĞĚŵĞĂƐĂǀŽůƵŶƚĞĞƌŝŶƚŚĞƵŶŝƚ͕ƐƚĞĂĚŝůLJĞdžƉůĂŝŶŝŶŐ
ĐŽŵƉůĞdžĚŝĂŐŶŽƐĞƐĂŶĚĐĂƌĞ͘dŚŝƐŝŶĐůƵĚĞĚŝŵƉĂƌƟŶŐƉƐLJĐŚŽƐŽĐŝĂůĚĞƚĂŝůƐŽĨĨĂŵŝůŝĞƐ͕
ƚŽŚĞůƉŵĞďĞƩĞƌƵŶĚĞƌƐƚĂŶĚĂŶĚĂŶƟĐŝƉĂƚĞĂƉĂƟĞŶƚ͛ƐĨĂƚĞ͘hƐƵĂůůLJ͕ƚŚĂƚŝƐ͘

KŶĞŽĨŚĞƌĐŚĂƌŐĞƐǁĂƐĂƉƉƌŽĂĐŚŝŶŐŚŝƐĮƌƐƚďŝƌƚŚĚĂLJ͘,ĞǁĂƐďŽƌŶǁŝƚŚĂďĚŽŵŝŶĂů
wall  and  cardiac  defects.  He  was  trach  dependent,  high-­‐tone,  and  high-­‐strung,  a  baby  
on  perpetual  overload  from  the  cacophonous  cocoon  that  was  his  home.

,ŝƐŶĂŵĞƚŽƉƉĞĚƚŚĞǀŽůƵŶƚĞĞƌƐ͛ƌŽƐƚĞƌŽĨŶĞĞĚLJďĂďŝĞƐ͕ƐŽƚŚĞŶƵƌƐĞĂŶĚ/ƚĞĂŵĞĚƵƉ
for  the  long  term.  From  his  swing,  where  we  would  put  him  for  a  change  of  pace,  the  
ďŽLJĐĂůůĞĚƚŚĞƐŚŽƚƐ͕ĚŝĐƚĂƟŶŐŽƵƌĞLJĞĐŽŶƚĂĐƚĂŶĚƚŽƵĐŚ͘,ĞǁŽƵůĚƚŽƐƐŽīƟŵĞͲŽƵƚ
ƐŝŐŶĂůƐƐĞŵĂƉŚŽƌĞͲƐƚLJůĞ͕ŇĂƉƉŝŶŐŚŝƐĂƌŵƐƚŽŝŶĚŝĐĂƚĞŚŝƐůĞǀĞůŽĨŽǀĞƌůŽĂĚ͘

^ŽŵĞĚĂLJƐ/ƐƉĞŶƚĂŶĞŶƟƌĞƐŚŝŌƌĞǀŽůǀŝŶŐĂƌŽƵŶĚŚŝŵǁŝƚŚŽƵƚĂŶLJĐŽŶƚĂĐƚ͘dŽĚŽŽƚŚ-­‐
ĞƌǁŝƐĞǁĂƐƚŽǁĂƚĐŚŚŝŵĚĞǀŽůǀĞĞŵŽƟŽŶĂůůLJĂŶĚďĂĐŬƐůŝĚĞŵĞĚŝĐĂůůLJ͘

The  baby’s  mother,  reportedly  a  drug  addict,  was  AWOL,  so  his  father  became  the  only  
ƉĂƌĞŶƚŝŶƚŚŝƐďĂďLJ͛ƐůŝĨĞ͘ƵƚƚŚĞĚĂĚǁĂƐĂƐĐŚĂŽƟĐĂƐƚŚĞŶƵƌƐĞǁĂƐĐĞŶƚĞƌĞĚ͘tŚĞŶ
ŚĞƐĂŝĚŚĞ͛ĚƐŚŽǁƵƉ͕ŚĞǁĂƐƉƵŶĐƚƵĂů͕ƚŚĂƚŵƵĐŚ/ĐŽƵůĚƐĂLJ͘ƵƚŚŝƐĂƌƌŝǀĂůŝŶǀĂƌŝĂďůLJ
ratcheted  up  the  already  bristling  atmosphere.

/ĨƚŚĞƟŶLJŶƵƌƐĞ͛ƐĂƵƌĂǁĂƐĂƐŽŽƚŚŝŶŐĐŚŝŶĂďůŽƐƐŽŵƉŝŶŬ͕ƚŚŝƐŵĂŶ͛ƐǁĂƐƉƐLJĐŚĞĚĞůŝĐ
ĂŶĚũĂƌƌŝŶŐ͘,ŝƐĞLJĞƐǁĞƌĞŶĞŽŶLJĞůůŽǁ͘,ŝƐƐŬŝŶĂƉƉĞĂƌĞĚďĂƚŚĞĚŝŶĞƚĂĚŝŶĞ͘ůƵĞ
ũĞĂŶƐĂŶĚdͲƐŚŝƌƚƐŚƵŶŐŚĞůƚĞƌͲƐŬĞůƚĞƌŽŶŚŝƐƌĂŶŐLJĨƌĂŵĞ͘

ƐĂĨŽƌŵĞƌĐƌŝŵĞƌĞƉŽƌƚĞƌ͕/ĨĂŶĐŝĞĚ/ŬŶĞǁƚŚĞƐĐŽƌĞ͘/ǁŽƵůĚƐĐĂŶŚŝƐĂƌŵƐĨŽƌƚƌĂĐŬ
ŵĂƌŬƐ͘&ĂŝůŝŶŐƚŽĮŶĚĞǀŝĚĞŶĐĞ͕/ĮŐƵƌĞĚƚŚĞŇƵŽƌĞƐĐĞŶƚůŝŐŚƚƐǁĞƌĞƚŽďůĂŵĞ͘dŚĞ
ĚĂĚ͛ƐũĞƌŬLJŵŽǀĞŵĞŶƚƐƵƉƐĞƚƚŚĞĂůƌĞĂĚLJƚĞŶƵŽƵƐďŽLJ͘/ǁĂƐƌĞůŝĞǀĞĚǁŚĞŶ͕ŵŽƌĞ
ŽŌĞŶƚŚĂŶŶŽƚ͕ŚĞŶĞŐůĞĐƚĞĚƚŽƐŚŽǁ͘dŚĞŶƵƌƐĞǁŽƵůĚƐǁŝƚĐŚŚĞƌŐƵŵƚŽƚŚĞŽƚŚĞƌ
ĐŚĞĞŬ͕ĂŶĚƌĞŵĂŝŶƵŶĐŚĂƌĂĐƚĞƌŝƐƟĐĂůůLJŵƵŵŽŶƚŚĞƉƐLJĐŚŽƐŽĐŝĂůďĂĐŬŐƌŽƵŶĚƐŚĞŚĂĚ
on  the  kaleidoscopic  man.

One  day  the  nurse  said  she  needed  my  help.  Dad  had  come  for  discharge  teaching,  but  
ŚĞ͛ĚďƌŽƵŐŚƚƚŚĞŽůĚĞƌƐŝďůŝŶŐƐ͘dŚĞŶƵƌƐĞǁĂƐŇƵƐŚĞĚ͘,ĞƌĞŶĞƌŐLJǁĂƐĚŝƐƚŽƌƚĞĚ͘^ŚĞ
ƐĂŝĚŶŽƚŚŝŶŐĞůƐĞ͘/ĐŽŵƉůŝĞĚ͘

/ŶƚŚĞƐĐƌƵďƌŽŽŵ/ĨŽƵŶĚĂ^ĞƵƐƐŝĂŶŶŝŐŚƚŵĂƌĞ͘dŚŝŶŐKŶĞĂŶĚdŚŝŶŐdǁŽǁĞƌĞƚĞĂƌ-­‐
ŝŶŐŐŽǁŶƐŽīƌĂĐŬƐ͘dŚĞLJƐĐŽŽƚĞĚƵŶĚĞƌƐŝŶŬƐĂŶĚĐĂƌĞĞŶĞĚŝŶƚŽůŽĐŬĞƌƐ͘ĂĚŝŵƉůŽƌĞĚ
me  with  his  glowing  eyes.  He  stated  their  names,  and  said  they  were  almost  two  and  
nearly  three.  Then  he  tore  their  arms  from  around  his  legs.

͞WůĞĂƐĞũƵƐƚƚĂŬĞƚŚĞŵ͕͟ŚĞďĞŐŐĞĚ͕ƚŚƌƵƐƟŶŐĂďŽƩůĞŽĨũƵŝĐĞĂƚŵĞ͘

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This  is  an  urban  medical  center.  The  windowless  television  room  was  outside  the  unit,  
down  the  hall.  The  boy  began  slamming  his  head  alternately  between  the  steel  door  and  
ƚŚĞĐŝŶĚĞƌďůŽĐŬǁĂůůƐ͘DLJƉƐLJĐŚŽďĂďďůĞĞŶƚƌĞĂƟĞƐƚŽĐĂůŵŚŝŵǁĞƌĞƉĂƚŚĞƟĐ͘
The  girl  sat  rigidly  on  my  lap.  My  hands  rested  momentarily  on  her  knees,  when  she  
ĂďƌƵƉƚůLJĐůĂŵƉĞĚŚĞƌƚŚŝŐŚƐĐůŽƐĞĚ͘,ŽƌƌŝĮĞĚďLJŚĞƌƐŬŝůůĂƚŬĞĞƉŝŶŐĂĚƵůƚŚĂŶĚƐĨƌŽŵŚĞƌ
inner  thighs,  my  eyes  darted  nervously  across  the  shadowy  room.  A  television  droned  a  
^ƉĂŶŝƐŚƐŽĂƉŽƉĞƌĂ͘ĨĂŵŝůLJ͕ůĂŶŐƵŝƐŚŝŶŐŽŶǀŝŶLJůƐĞƩĞĞƐďŽůƚĞĚŝŶƚŽƚŚĞǁĂůůƐ͕ĐĂƐƚŵĞ
ĨƵƌƟǀĞŐůĂŶĐĞƐ͘

dŚĂƚƐŽŵĞŽŶĞĞůƐĞŵŝŐŚƚƋƵĞƐƟŽŶŵLJŝŶƚĞŶƟŽŶƐǁŝƚŚƚŚĞŐŝƌůǁĂƐďĞLJŽŶĚďĞůŝĞĨ͘

/ǁĂƐŝŶƚŚĞŵĞĚŝĐĂůǁŽƌůĚ͘Ƶƚ/ǁĂƐŶŽƚŽĨŝƚ͘/ĚŝĚŶŽƚŚĂǀĞLJĞĂƌƐŽĨƚƌĂŝŶŝŶŐŽƌĞdžƉĞƌŝ-­‐
ence  on  how  to  protect  my  personal  liability,  which  rapidly  became  of  paramount  concern.  
/ŶĮǀĞŵŝŶƵƚĞƐŝŶƚŚĂƚƚĞůĞǀŝƐŝŽŶůŽƵŶŐĞ͕/ƌĞĂůŝnjĞĚ/ǁŽƵůĚŚĂǀĞƚŽŵŽĚĞůŵLJƐĞůĨŽŶƚŚĞ
ƉƌŽĨĞƐƐŝŽŶĂůƐƐŽƐŬŝůůĞĚĂƚƉƌŽƚĞĐƟŶŐƚŚĞŝƌƌĞƉƵƚĂƟŽŶƐĂŶĚĐĂƌĞĞƌƐĨƌŽŵĂŶLJƚŚŝŶŐƌĞŵŽƚĞůLJ
ƌĞƐĞŵďůŝŶŐĂĨĂůƐĞĂůůĞŐĂƟŽŶ͘

ǀĞŶƚƵĂůůLJĂŶŽƚŚĞƌǀŽůƵŶƚĞĞƌŚĞĂƌĚƚŚĞƐĐƌĞĂŵƐƚŚĞĐŚŝůĚƌĞŶĞŵŝƩĞĚǁŚĞŶŝƚĚĂǁŶĞĚŽŶ
ƚŚĞŵƚŚĂƚƚŚĞŝƌĚĂĚŚĂĚůĞŌƚŚĞŵǁŝƚŚĂƐƚƌĂŶŐĞƌ͕ĂŶĚƐŚĞĐĂŵĞƚŽŵLJƌĞƐĐƵĞ͘LJƚŚĞŶ͕ŵLJ
favorite  stealth  nurse  had  become  the  target  of  my  newfound  wrath,  for  asking  me  to  take  
ĐĂƌĞŽĨƚŚĞŬŝĚƐǁŚĞŶƚŚĂƚǁĂƐďĞLJŽŶĚƚŚĞƐĐŽƉĞŽĨŵLJǀŽůƵŶƚĞĞƌĚƵƟĞƐ͘

/ŚŽŵĞĚŝŶŽŶŚĞƌƚŚĞĨŽůůŽǁŝŶŐǁĞĞŬŝŶŚĞƌƵƐƵĂůƐƉŽƚ͕ĨĂŝůŝŶŐĂƚĮƌƐƚƚŽŶŽƟĐĞĂŶĞǁďŽƌŶ
on  a  new  bed  beside  her.

͞ŽŶ͛ƚĞǀĞƌĚŽƚŚĂƚƚŽŵĞĂŐĂŝŶ͕͟/ůŝƚŝŶƚŽŚĞƌ͕ũĂďďŝŶŐŵLJĮŶŐĞƌŝŶƚŚĞĂŝƌ͘^ŚĞĞdžŚĂůĞĚ
heavier  than  usual,  and  pushed  up  her  glasses.

͞ĂĚĚŝĞĚůĂƐƚǁĞĞŬũƵƐƚĂŌĞƌLJŽƵƐĂǁŚŝŵ͕͟ƐŚĞƐĂŝĚ͘͞ŶĚƐƚĂŐĞůŝǀĞƌĚŝƐĞĂƐĞ͘tĞĚŝƐ-­‐
ĐŚĂƌŐĞĚƚŚĞďĂďLJƚŽĞdžƚĞŶĚĞĚĨĂŵŝůLJŽǀĞƌƚŚĞǁĞĞŬĞŶĚ͘͟

DLJŚĂŶĚŇĞǁƚŽŵLJŵŽƵƚŚ͘DLJĞLJĞƐĚĂƌƚĞĚƚŽĐĂůĐƵůĂƚĞƚŚĞůŽƐƐ͘dŚŝƐŵĂŶǁĂƐŶ͛ƚLJĞƚϯϬ͘
,ĞůĞŌďĞŚŝŶĚƚŚƌĞĞĨƌĂŐŝůĞ͕ŵŽƚŚĞƌůĞƐƐĐŚŝůĚƌĞŶŝŶĚŝĂƉĞƌƐ͘

dŚĞŶƵƌƐĞŐĞŶƚůLJƉĂƩĞĚŵLJĂƌŵĂŶĚƐƋƵĞĞnjĞĚƉĂƐƚŵĞƚŽƚĞŶĚƚŽŚĞƌŶĞǁƉĂƟĞŶƚ͘
ƐLJƌŝŶŐĞŝŶŚĞƌƌŝŐŚƚŚĂŶĚƉŽŝŶƚĞĚƐĂĨĞůLJƚŽǁĂƌĚŚĞĂǀĞŶ͘dŝŶLJďĞĂĚƐŽĨŶĂƌĐŽƟĐĚƌŝƉƉĞĚŽī
ƚŚĞƟƉ͘

^ŚĞŚĂĚŬŶŽǁŶĂůůĂůŽŶŐƚŚĂƚƚŚĞĨĂƚŚĞƌǁĂƐŐŽŝŶŐƚŽĚŝĞ͕ƐŚĞĂĚŵŝƩĞĚ͘tŚĞƌĞĂƐ/ǁĂƐƐŽ
ƋƵŝĐŬƚŽũƵĚŐĞƚŚĞĨĂƚŚĞƌ͕ŚŝƐĚƌƵŐƵƐĞ͕ĂŶĚůŝĨĞƐƚLJůĞ͕ŚĞƌƐŝůĞŶĐĞǁĂƐĂďŽƵƋƵĞƚŽĨĚŝŐŶŝƚLJ
for  a  young  family  awash  in  trouble.

͞yͲƌĂLJ͕͟ƐŽŵĞŽŶĞƐŚŽƵƚĞĚĨƌŽŵĂŶĞĂƌďLJďĞĚ͘/ƐƚĞƉƉĞĚƐŝĚĞǁĂLJƐ͘dŚĞƚĞĂŵŽĨĚŽĐƚŽƌƐ
ƌŽƵŶĚŝŶŐŶĞdžƚƚŽŵĞũŽƐƚůĞĚĨŽƌƐƉĂĐĞ͘WŚŽŶĞƐƌĂŶŐ͘ǀĞŶƟůĂƚŽƌƐŚƌŝĞŬĞĚ͘ŶŽĐĐůƵĚĞĚ
ĨĞĞĚŝŶŐƉƵŵƉďĞĞƉĞĚ͘^ŽŵĞŽŶĞůĂƵŐŚĞĚ͘dŚĞĐĂĐŽƉŚŽŶLJĐŽŶƟŶƵĞĚ͘

The  only  thing  missing  was  the  chaos.

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About  Laura  Novak
>ĂƵƌĂEŽǀĂŬŝƐĂĨŽƌŵĞƌƚĞůĞǀŝƐŝŽŶŶĞǁƐũŽƵƌŶĂůŝƐƚǁŚŽŚĂƐǁƌŝƩĞŶ
ĞdžƚĞŶƐŝǀĞůLJĨŽƌƚŚĞEĞǁzŽƌŬdŝŵĞƐŽŶŚĞĂůƚŚ͕ďƵƐŝŶĞƐƐ͕ĂŶĚƚŚĞĂƌƚƐ͘
^ŚĞŝƐĂƌĞŐƵůĂƌĐŽůƵŵŶŝƐƚĨŽƌdŚĞ'ŽŽĚDĞŶWƌŽũĞĐƚDĂŐĂnjŝŶĞ͘zŽƵ
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and  invite  commentary  on  a  whole  slew  of  topics  for  
men  and  about  men  in  today’s  world.  Real,  honest,  
complex,  and  thought-­‐provoking.  

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