Chapter 1 : Ashley

My heart sank as I saw him walk down the hallway towards me. "Ugh,"
I sighed under my breath. I didn't want him to know that it hurt like mess
every time I saw him, but I didn't want to see him. I averted my eyes away
from his path and kept walking. He looked up at me with sad eyes, and
walked past me. I scoffed quietly when he was gone. "God, could you be any
more heartless?" I said under my breath. My friend Madison walked around
the corner. "Well, I didn't know that's how you felt about me. I'll try to be a
better person," she chuckled. "Not you," I said, looking down. "Who then?"
She tilted her head slightly to the side. "It's nothing. I don't want to start
anything," I whispered quietly. "Girl, if someone's hurting you, I want to
know," she pressed on. "Just drop it, alright?" She flinched at my harsh words.
"Look, Madison, I'm sorry, it's just I really don't want him to know that I don't
like him. It's not like he did anything purposefully." I said walking towards her
to put my hand on her shoulder. "So it's a guy? Do I know this heartless jerk?"
I rolled my eyes and dropped my hand. "Yeah, okay, you know him," I said
looking back towards the open doors I had previously walked through. She
tossed short brown hair over her shoulder. "Ah. Nate?" She guessed dead on.
"What the crap, Maddy?" She stepped back. "What?" She asked, eyes wide.
"How did you know? Are you stalking me?" She shook her head. "No, I just
noticed the way you guys look at each other." I looked at my feet. My new
Converse squeaked on the white and grey speckled linoleum floors. "Is it that
obvious?" I asked a rhetorical question.

Nate was this guy who I'd fallen in love with, and then was idiotic
enough to tell him, which then resulted in his dismissal of me, and it making
everything awkward between us. I had hoped what he told me was true. The
whole thing about it not bothering him, and it being chill between us, but it
was just a sick joke. A single tear ran down my face as I thought of the feeling
that I got whenever I saw him. I felt like I wanted to crawl under a rock. I felt
like I needed to run and hide, because I didn't want to bother him. All of his
friends know I love him. Heck, the whole freaking church knows. Madison
poked her bottom lip out. "It's alright. Forget him," she tried to comfort me.
"Yeah like I can just forget my feelings for him. If I could, trust me, I would
have by now," I said quietly. She wrapped her arms around me and rubbed
the back of my head. She didn't even have to say anything. I knew what she
was trying to say. It's alright. It'll get easier. Although I wanted with
everything in me wanted to believe her, I still didn't think I would ever get
over Nate. He was so amazing. He was attractive, he was nice, he was funny,
he treated his elders with respect, he played the drums and the piano, his
parents were awesome, his brother was awesome, but even though all that
was good about him, he never showed any of it to me directly. Madison let
me go and then told me she had to get to band practice. I figured that's
where Nate was headed. There was a backway to the drum set that all the
drummers used. I shuddered when I pictured him back there, playing the
drums flawlessly, and then smiling as he tossed his short brown hair to the
side. Nate was a tall, blue eyed skater boy with short brown hair, always kept
in a skater style, falling just over his eyebrows, brushed forward at the crown
of his head. He had small, soft nose, and big, blue eyes. He had fair skin, and
a slim figure. He was about 5'8" and dazlingly smart. Mostly the only thing he
wore was a pair of dark skinny jeans, Converse, and v-necks. Once in a blue
moon he would wear jean shorts, or a t-shirt.

I walked around by myself for a while before I ran into my friend Jake.
"Hey!" Jake said with a giant smile on his face. He walked up to me and
wrapped his arms around me. I smiled weakly up at him when he let me go.
"What's wrong?" He said, rubbing my arm. I smiled and paused, debating if I
should tell him the truth. "Nothing, just a little tired," I lied. It was only a half
lie, because I was tired; tired of Nate's attitude. Jake poked his bottom lip out.
"Poor thing," he paused. "You should go lay down." "And do what?" I said,
sighing. "It's not like I'm gonna sleep in church," I said, tilting my head tiredly
to the side. "You want me to get you a Monster?" He asked, smiling. He knew
I loved Monsters. Monster was my favorite energy drink. "Well, if you insist," I
smiled. "Ah, there you go. Be happy," he smiled. I loved Jake. He was such a
sweetheart. He was also about 5'8", and he had short, curly blonde hair. He
had blue eyes, and fair skin. He was sixteen, and had a very muscular build.
He mostly wore blue jeans and tees. He always smelled really good too. Jake
was my best friend, who I could tell anything to. I just didn't want to start
anything with Nate. We went to his car so that we go get lunch, and my
Monster. I was 15 and he was 16. Nate was also 16. I didn't have my license
yet, so Jake said he would drive. Plus, it was his car. So we stopped by the
local KFC/Taco Bell and got lunch. We walked in and Jake said he would get
the food and I went to grab a table. I sat down after ordering and paying for
my food, and waited for Jake. I looked across the restaraunt and froze. Nate
and Mack were sitting across the restaraunt with some of their friends. Mack
was Nate's older brother.

Jake came over with our food and sat down. He saw my face. I was
sitting in a rigid position, staring at my hands that were sitting clasped on the
table. He put the food down and then sat across from me. "What's up?" He
asked with a sympathetic look in his eyes. I shook my head slightly. "It's
nothing. Just still a little tired," I said softly. "Let's say we get you that
Monster after we eat?" He said, smiling. I fake yawned. "Yeah," I smiled
weakly. We ate and then took off to the gas station across the street. I
grabbed a giant Monster and held it to my face. Jake laughed and grabbed a
smaller one for him. We paid for our drinks and headed back to the building
we were at before; our church. I wasn't really into the whole thing. I mean, I'd
gone when I was little, but I never really liked it. We had only just started
going to this church, but only because Jake was here. He was my best friend.
I knew him from my school; we'd gone to the same schools ever since
kindergarten. We went to the local high school, West Johnston. It was a really
nice school. I was in the dance team there, which was my passion. Jake was
completely supportive of my position in the dance team, though my mother
called it the devil's work, and told me that the stuff they had me doing and
wearing was provocotive and revealing. Jake told me that though it was a
little revealing, it was what I wanted and he would stand beside me the entire
way. I was beside my self in the friendship that I had with him. No one had
ever put up with my jacked up self as long as he did. I'd tried cutting, drugs,
and drinking before and he stood with me through it all. True, he had never
tried it himself, but he stayed with me and made sure I was okay.

We sat in the student worship center and talked, until I saw Nate come
in. I stopped mid sentence. Jake looked at me, and then at Nate, and then
back to me. "Ah. I see what this is about," he shook his head. I looked back at
Jake. "It's nothing," I whispered. "That's what you've been saying all day,
Ashley. Drop the act! What happened that has you so worked up?" I flinched
back at his accusations. "I'm sorry, Ashley, but I'm just saying the truth. I
don't want to see you hurt yourself again. What happened between you two?"
I looked at my hands. "It's really nothing," I paused. I looked up at Nate.
Jake's tone and volume had attracted his attention. "He probably doesn't
even know he did it," I said softly. "What... did... he... do?" He said,
emphisizing each word. A tear ran down my face. Jake reached up to wipe it
away, but I blocked his hand. He cringed at the rejection. "I care so much
about him," I paused. Jake nodded, telling me to go on. "Everything he does
is so important to me. But lately, everything he's said to me is either
saracasm, rude, or critiquing. How do you think that makes me feel? When
everything he does makes me feel like a useless, piece of crap?" He flinched
at that last part. This time when he reached up to wipe away my tears, I let
him. He pulled me against his chest and shushed me. I wrapped my arms
around him and buried my face in his shirt. His smell was so comforting. It
was so familiar. I sighed into his shirt. "What is it?" He asked, looking down at
me. "This feels so natural. I've done this so many times before," I chuckled.
Jake laughed and let me go. "No," I whispered as I pulled him closer. "Alright
then," he said softly as he wrapped his arms back around me. "This is nice," I
said, hugging him. He laughed and then squeezed me slightly.

Chapter 2 : Nate

Ashley left the restaraunt, and I sat in the booth alone as Mack went to
get his drink. Haley came back to the table with her food and smiled at me. I
smiled back to her. "Nate, why are you all alone?" I heard the hidden
meaning behind her words. "I'm not into dating right now," I said plainly. She
nodded, looking at her food. She sat across the table from me. I somewhat
figured Haley liked me; she was very obvious about it. She smiled weakly.
Mack came back and sat with me. I shot him a thankful look and he smiled,
trying to hold back laughter. I popped another chip into my mouth. "Alright,
I'm done, I think we should head back now," I said, standing up. Haley's eyes
got wide. "But I'm not done yet!" She pouted. "But you're not riding with us.
Cassidy will stay here with you," I said, pointing to our friend Cassidy, who
was also Mack's girlfriend. Haley sighed and sat back down. "Alright. I'll see
you at the church then," she sighed. I nodded to her and then headed out
with my drink to Mack's car; a white 1995 Jeep Cherokee. I sat in the car,
thankful that I had an escape from Haley. She would kind of get on my nerves
sometimes. Mack came out and jumped in the drivers seat. "You ready to go
now?" I said with an annoyed tone. "I was just saying goodbye to Cassidy," he
said, starting the car. "Oh I see how it is," I said, sarcastically. "What?" Mack
said, turning in his seat to look at me. "You'd rather say goodbye to your
girlfriend, than save your brother, you own blood, from a madwoman?" "God,
Nate, chill. She's not as crazy as Ashley," he said. "Don't talk about her like
that," I said, looking at my hands. "What was that?" "I said, don't talk about
her like that. She's not crazy. I would say she's better than Haley," I said. I
was surprised I was defending her. Mack raised his eyebrows. "Okay then."

We got to the church just in time for band practice. Mack hadn't said
anything since we left the restaraunt. "Alright, talk," I said as I stopped him in
the hallway. "You're scaring me." Mack just looked up at me. "I'm just
surprised that you acted that way. I was expecting you to agree or
something. Do you like her?" He said, tilting his head slightly to the side.
When he asked me if I liked her, something inside me jumped. "No," I blurted
out. Smooth, I thought to myself. Mack raised an eyebrow. I turned around
and walked towards the doors at the back of the student worship center that
all of us drummers used. I walked in and up to the drumset. My heart beat
faster when I saw it. Yes... I thought. I loved just sitting down infront of the
drums. They were my life. I picked up the drumsticks and couldn't help but
start to play. I started to play one of my favorite songs by Inhale Exhale. I
looked over out of the corner of my eye and saw Ashley. My hands fumbled
and I missed the cymbol I was supposed to hit and the drumstick went flying
from my hand and crashed into the drumshield. Ashley jumped and look over
at me, eyes wide. My face felt like it was on fire. Bryan, the worship leader,
jumped and turned around to look at me. "What happened?" He half yelled.
"I... I missed..." I said in a small voice. He rolled his eyes and put his face in
his free hand. "Sorry," I said softly. I saw Ashley laughing out of the corner of
my eye, making me smile for some reason. Mack laughed as he picked up his
guitar and placed the strap over his shoulder. He played off a very difficult
run with utmost perfection. I very much envied his guitar talent, but even
though he was good on the drums, everyone admitted he wasn't as good as
me. I also played piano, another thing he couldn't do; he could sing though.
Very well, I'd admit.

Band practice went slowly, but only because Ashley had left, and I
wanted to see her for some strange reason. When he finally let us out, I half-
ran out the door, and when I did get out, I immediately scanned the room for
her. I didn't see her. I jogged over to the computers and signed in, and then
got my wristband. I decided to walk casually around the church in hopes that
I would see her. I didn't like her. I didn't know why I had this sudden need to
see her. I walked down the hallways, scanning the rooms. She wasn't here.
Maybe she went to get lunch late? I nodded to myself. Yeah that's probably it.
I walked back to the church's cafe and sat down. No doubt she would come in
this door. I had to talk to her. Finally, a blue and tan 2002 Ford Windstar
pulled up, and Ashley and her sister hopped out. They came in laughing, Her
laughter caused a smile to take my features. She looked over at me and
froze. The laughter; the smile disapeared from her face. I stood up and
walked over to her. She looked around, probably wondering if it was her I was
going to. She motioned for her sister to go away. Her sister shot her a look
and then walked over to the cafe counter to talk to one of their friends. I
walked up to her, hands in my pockets. She looked around and then down at
her hands. "What?" She asked coldly. I flinched. "Ouch," I said quietly. "Ha,
you're one to talk," she accused. "Yeah, I know. That's what I want to talk to
you about," I said softly, looking down at my feet. She raised an eyebrow
when I looked up. "I'm sorry, Ashley." Her mouth fell open slightly, and she
stopped breathing for half a second. I looked down at her, my eyes boring
into hers. "Let's go over here and talk about this," she said softly.

We walked over to the couches and sat down. "So you say you're
sorry," she paused. "Do you even know what for?" I stuttered for a moment. I
really wasn't sure. I just knew I'd hurt her. "I'm not sure. I just know I hurt
you, and I'm sorry for that," I said, making eye contact. She looked down, and
her eyes watered. I reached over to her and put my hand on her arm. She
flinched and looked up at me. I pulled her up off of the couch and pulled her
into my arms. My heart raced. She wrapped her arms around me and put her
head against my chest. "Thanks, Nate. It means a lot," she said quietly. I
caught my breath. "No problem," I replied. She released her grip on me, but I
didn't want to stop hugging her yet. After a couple seconds, I released her.
She stepped back, and we both cleared our throats. Ashley looked at her feet,
and her face got somewhat pink. I smiled at her, and she nodded. "Um, yeah.
So I'll see you later? My sister's kind of waiting for me," she said quietly,
pointing her thumb at her sister. I nodded, and shoved my hands in my
pocket. "Yeah, I'll, um, see you later," I said quietly. She smiled and walked
away towards her sister. I stood there for a moment, but then decided that I
probably looked like a complete idiot just standing here, so I turned around
and headed for the door. Mack caught me as I was walking out. He grabbed
my arm and pulled me into the highway. "Okay, man, I saw that. I saw the
way you looked at each other. You like her," he said in a hushed voice. I stood
up straight. "No, I don't," I said in a defensive tone. Mack raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, you do," he said plainly. I took a deep breath, but held it in. Mack
continued to stare at me. Yeah, I do, I thought to myself. "Okay, I do," I
released the breath I was holding in. Mack smiled. He had won.

Now that I'd admitted it outloud I was consumed by it. I'd been
deniying it so far and that had kept my head above the water, but now I saw
the wave coming to crash down on me. I was actually happy now. I was
happy that I had admitted it. I was so caught up in deniying that I liked her,
and it had made me such a bitter person, and I wouldn't let anyone in. I was
so afraid of letting someone in because they just might figure out who I really
was. I started to walk away, but Mack put his hand on my shoulder. "Are you
going to tell her?" He asked softly. Oh crap. "Um, I don't know yet. I need to
get a little information first... And I know just who to talk to," I said in an evil
voice. I turned and headed down the hall. Ashley and her sister came out of
the cafe and down the hall. Ashley stopped and said something to her sister,
who then nodded and continued walking without Ashley. Ashley left and went
into the student worship center lobby. Perfect... I thought. I walked casually
down the hallway, and up to Grace, Ashley's sister. "Hey," I said casually.
Grace looked around nervously. Not much of a people person I guess. "Hi,"
she said cautiously. "God, calm down, I'm not going to kill you," I laughed.
She raised an eyebrow. Okay... I thought. "I've got a question for you," I
paused. She motioned for me to go on. "Does Ashley still like me?" I asked,
very straighforward. Grace took a step back. "Um okay," she said, quite
shocked. "Yeah, okay, she does." My heart jumped. Yes! I thought. "Alright,
that's all I wanted to know. Thank you," I said casually. I walked away, and
Grace stood there, shocked by this short convorsation. I walked away,
planning how I was going to tell Ashley.

Chapter 3 : Nate

I walked into the student worship lobby, and she was in there, doing
something behind the sign in desk. I shoved my hands into my pockets and
walked behind, only to discover she was drawing. Quite well, I might add.
"Hey," she said, smiling up at me. "That's pretty good," I said quietly.
"Thanks," she smiled again. I took a deep breath. How was I going to tell her?
"Ashley, I've got to tell you something," I paused. Just then, Mack ran into the
room with Peter, his best friend, who also happened to play bass guitar.
"Dude, seriously, there is a horse outside in the parking lot," Mack said with
utmost seriousness and excitment. Ashley gasped and jumped up. "You've
got to be kidding me," she said, excited. "I love horses!" She said turning to
run to it. "Um, hold that thought, Nate, I'll be right back!" After she was gone
I huffed and fell backwards into a chair. "Seriously?" I said, throwing my
hands into the air, staring at the ceiling. Mack and Peter had left. l got up out
of the chair and stalked off to the parking lot. True to their word, there was a
brown and white horse outside with one brown eye and one blue eye. A
cowboy stood next to the horse, decked out with the hat, giant belt buckle
and the cowboy boots with stirrups. He was a fairly good looking guy, short
black hair, deep blue eyes, and dimples. He looked about sixteen. Ashley
stood beside the horse, petting it softly, smiling as bright as the sun. "I love
paint horses," I heard her say as I made my way over to the horse. The
cowboy was standing there, smiling at Ashley as he talked to her. "Well, I've
got six of them if you ever want to come over. Maybe we could go for a ride?"
He said in a casual tone. My nose wrinkled as I pictured her and him riding
through a big open field. "Yeah," Ashley said, just as casual. "Maybe we
could. I'm Ashley," she held out her hand. "Sam," he said, taking off his hat,
and shaking her hand.

I huffed and walked back inside. Stupid cowboys... I thought. How does
he have the right to just waltz in and steal my girl? He doesn't. I'm better
looking than him... Right? I mean, I'm a better person. Does he play drums? I
doubt it. If he does he probably doesn't play as good as me. I tried to
convince myself that if I were to just tell her, that she would obviously choose
me over that cowboy, Sam. That was it. I had to go tell her. I walked back
outside, and walked straight up to Ashley. "I really have to tell you
something," I stressed my point. Ashley nodded. "Alright, what is it?" She
shifted her weight and put her hand on her hip. "Well..." I looked around.
Eveyone was looking at me. "Can I tell you like, inside or something?" I
shoved my hands in my pockets. Ashley's face got serious. "Okay," she said,
motioning for me to lead the way. I lead her inside, and once we were in, she
turned and looked at me. "So, what did you want to say?" I cleared my throat.
"Um, well," I paused. She raised an eyebrow. "I kind of... Well I... Alright, here
it is. I like you, Ashley," I said. Her other eyebrow shot up. My heart stopped.
Did Grace lie? A small, impish smile stole her features. "Alright then," she
said in a small voice. My heart restarted, thundering like a hundred horses
hooves. I released my pent up breath in a chuckle. "You'd pick me over that
Sam guy right?" I stressed. She started laughing. "Yeah, Nate, I pick you over
Sam," she laughed. "Well you'd better go tell him that," I pointed to Sam. She
laughed. "Don't worry, Nate, I'll tell him," she smiled. A few seconds of silence
went by. "Well, what now?" She said quietly. I looked up at her. "What do you
mean?" "Well, you've told me you like me, so what now?" The question
puzzled me. I really didn't know. "Hm..." I looked at my feet. "You told me
that your mom said you were too young to date right now," I said softly.
"Yeah, but that was before I fell in love with you," she said in a small voice.

Love?! I thought. That was a bit much. Despite that, my heart raced.
"So we're dating then?" I asked. She chuckled. "If you want," she said in a
casual voice. "Yeah, I'd like that," I said, smiling and looking at my feet. I
reached out and pulled her close to me, wrapping my arms around her
shoulders. I saw Mack peek through the doors with a smile on his face. I
smiled back at him. Ashley sighed as she wrapped her arms around my torso.
She laid her head on my shoulder, and I put my head on hers. I was the
happiest I'd been in a while. Just then, Haley walked in. I cringed inside when
she looked up at me and Ashley. I waved at her, pretending I didn't know that
she liked me. Her face fell, but then picked up again in a weak smile. "Hey!"
She said weakly. Ashley opened her eyes and looked up at Haley, then at me.
Apparently she knew Haley liked me too. I looked down at Ashley and kissed
her forehead. Madison walked in behind Haley. She stopped and smiled.
"Aw!" She exclaimed. Ashley laughed. "So you finally told her?" Madison
asked, looking at me. I nodded. "You knew?" Ashley half yelled at Madison.
Madison's eyes fell to her feet. "Yeah," she said softly. Ashley laughed. "And
you didn't tell me?" Ashley backed up. Madison shrugged. "I wanted to leave
it up to him," she said looking up to Ashley. "But, congratulations," she said
happily. Ashley laughed and walked over to Madison, giving her a hug. I
walked over to Ashley and put my arm over her shoulders. "Do you want to
go get seats?" I asked her. She nodded, smiling up at me.
 We walked into the student worship center, and the music was blaring;
the screens lit up with the youth group logo. It was dark in there, except for
the light coming from the screens. Ashley walked beside me, with her bible
under one of her arms, and her other arm just swaying slightly by her side as
she walked. I reached out and took her hand with my free hand. I saw her
look up at me from the corner of my eye, and I looked down at her with a
smile. My heart skipped a beat when she smiled back at me. We saved our
seats, right next to Madison and Peter. Those two were probably the best
matched couple of us all. I honestly would be shocked if they broke up. We
walked out, hand in hand, and went to the cafe to sit on the couches with
Madison, Peter, and Mack. I sat down and Ashley sat next to me. It was still
somewhat strange to be so close to her, but it also felt so natural. I put my
arm around her and pulled her closer, coaxing her to put her head on my
shoulder. She laid it softly on my shoulder and took my hand in hers. Haley
walked in, carefully avoiding me and Ashley with her eyes. I felt kind of bad,
because it was hurting her so bad to see me and Ashley. Yeah, she was kind
of clingy, but she was still my friend. I sighed, causing Ashley to look up at
me. "What's up?" She said, tilting her head slightly. I shook my head.
"Nothing." She nodded and put her head back on my shoulder. Haley looked
at me, and stuck her tongue out. I huffed and got up. Ashley creased her
eyebrows. "Now I know something's wrong," she said, standing up. "No, no,
sit down. It's nothing I just have to go talk to someone," I said, watching
Haley walk away. I motioned for Ashley to sit down. She sighed and sat down.
Madison looked at me with a warning in her eyes, and then glanced at
Ashley. Apparently she knew something I didn't.

I followed Haley down the hallway, trying to catch up with her. "Haley,
wait!" I called after her. I huffed and turned around. "What's wrong?" I asked,
slightly whining. She scoffed and put her hands on her hips. "What's wrong?"
She slightly yelled. I flinched back. "I've been trying to tell you I liked you
ever since I met you. Haven't you noticed at all?" I clasped my hands in front
of me and looked down. "Yeah," I said in a small voice. She shifted her weight
and took her hands off of her hips. "And I guess that means that you just
didn't like me back," she said quietly, looking down. I nodded. "Yeah." "But
you do now," she said, walking towards me. My heart jumped. "What now?" I
said, jerking my head up. "You like me, Nathan. You like me a lot," she said
stopping just in front of me. "I can tell from the way you look at me." I shook
my head. "I think you are mistaken. In case you haven't noticed, I have a
girlfriend," I said motioning back towards the cafe. She nodded. "But she's
only a distraction from your feelings for me. You are desperatly trying to
convince yourself that you don't like me," she said, caressing my face. I softly
pushed her hand away. "You're wrong," I said weakly. Did I really like her? I
was afraid to admit it if I did. My skin slightly tingled from where she touched
my face. "I don't think so," she said. She dropped her hand and walked away.
I was left standing there, dazed and confused. I blinked and looked around,
not knowing what to do next. I looked behind me, and watched Haley as she
walked away. I shook my head. This couldn't be happening to me. I liked
Ashley. Right? Great, now I was starting to question my feelings for Ashley. I
shook my head again.

Chapter 4 : Ashley

Nate walked into the cafe, with a strange look on his face. He looked
detached. He sat down, and I wrapped my arms around his sides. He felt stiff,
like he wasn't sure if he wanted me hugging him. I took my arms away from
him and sat up straight. He looked over at me, a slight look of panick in his
eyes. He looked down at his clasped hands. "What's up?" I asked, wanting to
know why he was acting strange. He shook his head slightly. "It's nothing." I
looked at him. "Seriously?" He looked at me, with an innocent look. "What?"
He asked. "There's been a lot of 'nothing' going on lately," I raised an
eyebrow as they words came out a little sharper than I'd meant them to. Nate
shifted nervously. "No really. It's nothing," he murmured. I rolled my eyes and
faced myself away from him, crossing my arms. I heard him huff nervously
beisde me. I pushed away from the couch, stalking off. He could be so
difficult sometimes. I walked out into the hall, shaking my head, trying to put
reason to his strange behaviour. Maybe he wasn't used to a girlfriend yet?
Possibility. Maybe he was trying to surprise me with something? Another
possibility. Maybe... Maybe he was cheating on me? I couldn't bear to think it,
but I had to run through all of the possibilities. The pain of the possibility
rushed through my chest as I wandered aimlessy down the hallway. I fell
back against a wall, and slid down. A tear crawled down my face. Was it
possible that the love of my life was cheating on me? I shuddered internally
at the idea. I comtemplated confronting him about it. But what if he said yes?
I shook my head. I had to know.

I sat in the hallway with my back to the wall, waiting for him to come
out. He had to eventually. As if on cue, he opened the door and stalked out,
skipping a beat in his steps when he saw me. I jumped up from the ground
and stepped in his way. "Hi," I spit out. Nate shifted and looked at his feet.
"Hey. I suppose you still want a real answer, huh?" I shook my head. My
eyebrow were pulled together in frustration and anger. I put my hands on my
hips and spread my feet slightly, showing that I wasn't going to move until he
answered me. He looked me in the eyes. I shook my head, chuckling
humorlessly. "I can't believe you. I thought you trusted me? God, Nate, if
something's bothering you, just tell me!" I dropped my arms, and then put
them back on my hips. Something seemed to be really bothering him. His
eyes looked pained. "Ash, this is the one thing I can't talk to you about." That
set me off. It basically confirmed my suspicions. He had feelings for someone
else, and he didn't want to. Well, at least that part was good. That meant at
least he cared about me and didn't want anything to get in between us. I
huffed, and dropped my arms again, but left them down. I could see how his
face reflected mine. First my face mimicked his, pain flodding through my
eyes, then switching to frustration, and then back to pain. "Okay," I said
plainly. I tried to be strong, my face going completely emotionless. Nate
opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. He finally found
the words to speak. "Ashley, I wish I didn't have to do this to you." I shook my
head. "You don't," I nearly whispered. My voice slightly broke on the last
word.

After that, I walked swiftly down the hallway, leaving him speachless
just outside the doors. My chin quivered as I rounded the corner, tears
threatening to spill over. I felt my nose tickle, telling me that in a few
moments it would be red, matching the rims of my eyes. I made sure I made
it a good distance away from him before feeling the waves start to crash over
my head and push me to the floor. I slid down the wall and collapsed to the
carpet below. I let out an exhasperated sigh, feeling the tears make tiny wet
lines from the corners of my eyes down to my chin where I felt the need to
wipe them away. I caught a small tear on the tip of my finger and held it up in
front of my face. It sparkled in the light coming from the bright sun outside
that filtered through the giant paned glass wall that looked out on the
courtyard, and the giant glass doors that led to the small gravel parking lot
behind the church. I sighed. There really was no point in crying. It's not like it
helped my situation any. It's not like I could just cry, and he would forget his
feelings for the other girl, and he would then apologize and everything would
be perfect again. I stood up, wiping the lines from my face, and walking to
the bathroom to erase any existing evidence that I had cried. I felt drained. It
had been a while since I'd cried. I shook my head and crossed my arms,
stalking off towards the main worship center. I let out a shuddering sigh,
trying to shake off the tears. I stopped short when Jake came around the
corner. I knew he could still see the tears when his face dropped, then turned
to anger. I walked over to him, and my chin quivered. I threw my arms
around him, and without words, he stroked my hair.

We stood like that for a good five minutes before I pulled myself
together. I put my head against his chest and sighed. He put his arms around
my shoulders and sighed. "Before, in the student worship center, I meant to
say something but I didn't, because I saw how much you cared about him. I
meant to say that he's no good for you. Now, I'm kicking myself for not telling
you earlier," he said quietly. I sniffed and buried my face in his shirt. I let go
of him after another minute and took a small step back. I looked timidly up at
his face, afraid of what it might tell me. His eyes were rigged with pain, and
the rest of his face stiff. I could tell that he was trying to hide something. I
wiped away the tears from my face again. I gave Jake a weak smile to tell him
that I was strong and I would get over it. He knew that. I know he knew that.
He's seen me at my best times, and my worst. He's seen me get over things
worse than this. He saw me get over my mom's death. He saw me get over
my biggest crush ever back in fourth grade. He saw me get over the time
when I was in the car with one of my other friends and we wrecked and she
died, and me kicking myself, telling myself it should have been me. "Jake, I
think that Nate is thinking about cheating on me." Jake furrowed his
eyebrows in anger and frustration. "What makes you think that?" He asked in
a sympathetic voice. "Well, he's been acting weird, and then he's been
reserved around me, and after he talked to Haley, he was all detached. And
then when I asked him what was going on, he said it was the one thing he
couldn't talk to me about," I said, putting a venom in my voice when Haley's
name rolled off my tongue. Jake nodded. "Let's talk somewhere else," he
mumbled.

So we walked down the hallway, talking about the possibilities but it

seemed to all fall on him cheating. Jake comforted me when I needed
comforting, and let me process when I needed to. I sighed and slid down the
wall, patting the ground next to me to let Jake know I wanted him there with
me. Jake sat down and I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my
chin in the dish in between them. Jake looked over at me with unsure eyes. I
gave him another weak smile to let him know I was holding up. "You don't
know that's what it is," he muttered. "All girls are insecure about their
boyfriends cheating. I think you're just paranoid." Normally I would get angry
and defensive about that statement, but I was grasping at anything other
than him cheating so I just nodded. "God, I hope he's not cheating." Jake
looked at me and nodded, agreeing. "Yeah," he muttered. But there was a
edge to his voice. Something that wasn't supposed to be noticed. Something
that told me he wasn't completely telling the truth when he agreed with me. I
flashed my eyes over to him, and he had rested his head on his knees like
me, and was staring mindlessly at the carpet. Did he want me and Nate to
break up? Maybe he was really serious when he said that he didn't think Nate
was good for me. I rubbed his back softly. "Why do bad things always happen
to you?" He mumbled, staring at his hands that were clasped in front of him. I
shook my head. "I don't know, but I'm glad you're always here to help me," I
said, glancing at him. He looked up at me and smiled. I sighed and pushed
away from the wall. "I guess I should get to tech practice," I muttered. Jake
nodded.

Chapter 5 : Nate

I'd gotten pretty good at wandering mindlessly. It came naturally.

Ashley's face kept replaying in my mind. What had I done? Did I really have
to screw up every relationship; be it friendship or something more? I kicked
myself mentally. I was such an idiot! I should have acted normal until I sorted
this out myself. But no. I had to let her know about it. And then the whole,
"The one thing I can't talk to you about," thing? Am I an idiot? Yeah. I am. I
shook my head and shoved my hands in my pockets, and kept walking. I
didn't know where I was going, or when I was going to stop, I just knew I had
to walk. Should I go and apologize to her? I felt like I should, but the look on
her face when she walked away told me that I should leave her alone for now.
I hated hurting her. I'd done it so much already. I fell against a wall and
sighed. Things were looking grim. I caught a glimpse of Ashley walking down
the hallway across the courtyard. The glass walls let me see her completely,
and thankfully she didn't see me. I sighed when I realized she was walking
away from me. I wanted desperatly to say something to fix it, but nothing
came to me. I shook my head and pushed away from the wall. I started
walking again, and found myself in the Cafe. Mack waved, and I nodded a
greeting to him. He scrunched his eyebrows together. I motioned for him to
follow me, and he did. I walked out in the hallway, stopping when I saw that
Jake kid sitting against the wall. "Jake, right?" I asked. "Yeah," he said. "So?"
Okay, attitude? He glared at me, and I shrugged. "What?" He pushed away
from the wall. "Jerk," I thought I heard him mumbled. I stared after him. What
was his problem?