This document is a satirical "application" for a man seeking permission to date the author's daughter. It includes many absurd and invasive questions about the applicant's background, finances, health, interests, and views on relationships. The applicant is warned that any inappropriate answers could result in harm. The author claims the application process will take years and the applicant will be notified of the decision in writing or by two men carrying violin cases, suggesting violent rejection. The tone is clearly joking and meant to parody overprotective fathers and their questioning of young men interested in their daughters.
This document is a satirical "application" for a man seeking permission to date the author's daughter. It includes many absurd and invasive questions about the applicant's background, finances, health, interests, and views on relationships. The applicant is warned that any inappropriate answers could result in harm. The author claims the application process will take years and the applicant will be notified of the decision in writing or by two men carrying violin cases, suggesting violent rejection. The tone is clearly joking and meant to parody overprotective fathers and their questioning of young men interested in their daughters.
Copyright:
Attribution Non-Commercial (BY-NC)
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This document is a satirical "application" for a man seeking permission to date the author's daughter. It includes many absurd and invasive questions about the applicant's background, finances, health, interests, and views on relationships. The applicant is warned that any inappropriate answers could result in harm. The author claims the application process will take years and the applicant will be notified of the decision in writing or by two men carrying violin cases, suggesting violent rejection. The tone is clearly joking and meant to parody overprotective fathers and their questioning of young men interested in their daughters.
Copyright:
Attribution Non-Commercial (BY-NC)
Available Formats
Download as DOC, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
An Application For Permission To Date My Daughter...
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a
complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________ SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________ HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______ Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No If No, explain: __________________________________________________ ___________ __________________________________________________ ___________________ Number of years they have been married ______________________________ If less than your age, explain __________________________________________________ __________________ __________________________________________________ __________________ ACCESSORIES SECTION: A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No C. A waterbed? __Yes __No D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No E. A tattoo? __Yes __No F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? (IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.) ESSAY SECTION: In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you? __________________________________________________ ____________ __________________________________________________ ____________ In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you? __________________________________________________ ____________ __________________________________________________ ____________ In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you? __________________________________________________ ____________ __________________________________________________ ____________ REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend __________________________________________________ _ How often you attend ________________________________________________ When would be the best time to interview your: father? _____________ mother? _____________ pastor? _____________ SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: __________________________________________________ ____________ B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: __________________________________________________ ____________ C: A woman's place is in the: __________________________________________________ ____________ D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: __________________________________________________ ____________ E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________ __________________________________________________ ____________ __________________________________________________ ____________ F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is: __________________________________________________ ____________ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, AND RED HOT POKERS. __________________________________________________ _______ Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!) _______________________________ ________________________________ Mother's Signature Father's Signature _______________________________ ________________________________ Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.