APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION

TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
Courtesy of The Freeman Institute

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless

accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent
FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical
report from your doctor.

1. NAME:_________________________________DATE OF
BIRTH:_____________________
2. HEIGHT:___________ WEIGHT:____________ I.Q.__________ GPA____
3. SOCIAL
SECURITY#________________________________________________________
DRIVERS
LICENSE#_________________________________________________________
BOY SCOUT
RANK:__________________________________________________________
4. HOME
ADDRESS:_________________________________________________________
CITY/STATE_________________________________________ ZIP_________
5. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _____yes _____no
6. Number of years parents
married:_________________________________________
7. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? __________
A waterbed? _________ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly
ring?_______________ Tatoo?_______________
(IF YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND
LEAVE THE PREMISES)
8. In 50 words or less, what does DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO
YOU?
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
9. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
10. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to
you? ___________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
11. Congregation you
attend:_______________________________________________
How often do you
attend?_________________________________________________

When would it the best time to interview your father, mother,

relatives, neighbors, minister/rabbi/priest, and past
girlfriends? (supply phone numbers)
_____________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
 12. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
__________________________________

ANSWER THESE SEMI-CONFIDENTIAL QUESTIONS

BY FILLING IN THE BLANKS.

A. "If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be

wounded is
_________________________________________________________________
B. "If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my
_________________________________________________________________
C. "A womans place is in the
______________________________________________
D. "The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is
_________________________________________________________________
E. "When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her is
_________________________________________________________________

(NOTE: If the answer to #E begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and it

is advised that you leave the premises right now keeping your head low
and running
in a serpentine fashion.)

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE, UNDER THE PENALTY
OF A SLOW DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, SOLDIER ANT TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS
DRIPPING WATER TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, AND THE JANET RENO KISS TORTURE.

____________________________________________
SIGNATURE (That means your name, moron!)

Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six
years for processing. Dont call us, well call you. You will be
contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not try to call or write
(since you probably cant, anyway). Any attempt to make contact might
cause you injury. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen with
violin cases and cement shoes will notify you one size fits all.