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Fear
“I have not ceased being fearful, but I have ceased to let fear control me.
I have accepted fear as a part of life - specifically, the fear of change,
the fear of the unknown; and I have gone ahead despite the pounding in my
heart that says: turn back, turn back, you'll die if you venture too far.
-Erica Jong
Bryan Kennedy
SID # 15855492
Psychology 107
GSI: Sandra Black
Fear is within us; consuming our thoughts and coloring our perceptions. A
horn blares to your right – do you contemplatively choose to ignore it, concluding
that the warning was not directed at you? No, you involuntarily orient your eyes and
mind to the sudden stimulus. Fear drives us, binding us to actions of which we
When I began my first walking meditation, my intent was not to study fear.
Rather, it was simply to cut down on the distraction of wandering thought patterns,
so that I could recognize the attentional states that lie beneath. To accomplish this, I
adopted a form of walking meditation from the Vipassana tradition, through which
one labels and thus becomes aware of the mind’s meandering path (Silananda,
1991). Those unfamiliar with walking meditation may find the sound of it a bit odd.
After all, it seemingly contradicts the more traditional sitting meditation technique,
which one performs in a quiet setting. By its very nature, a walking meditation is
done in a world filled with stimuli bidding for one’s attention. Instead of closing
one’s eyes and looking within, one is obligated to look upon the world with seeing
eyes. According to the Zen master Ta-hui, meditating “in the midst of activity is
challenges one to maintain his focus, while at the same time allowing for a more
overactive mind wandered too far from the present moment. When this happened, I
would simply tether it in by silently saying “thinking” (Silananda, 1991). Doing this
heard a bird chirping above me, I would label it “bird” to recognize where my
discouraging one’s dwelling on any particular attentional state, while at the same
time allowing the vessel of attention to float naturally in the tide. The purpose of
this mindfulness is to achieve a state of unity of the mind and body (Rosch, 1997).
when my mind is allowed to roam. I would have never guessed that the basis for
car turning the corner ahead – I label it: “car”. More walking. I begin to think of
how silly I must look to the person in the car, walking around zombie-like as I am.
Were they looking at me, making a face perhaps… Label: “thinking”… Returning to
the moment… I’m doing this right, aren’t I? Oops… “Thinking”… Returning... I
hear a wood-chipper in the distance, and move on. I walk past a man and a woman
extracting information that I don’t need but inexplicably want. My mind shouts out
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for more – it needs a proper view! What do they look like? Are they looking at me?
returns to the self-critical “what are they thinking of me?” This fear of rejection,
while deep set, is something that I recognize in myself. I often judge myself through
the eyes of others, as validation for my actions. When I complete a project, I don’t
feel satisfied with it until someone else accepts my work. I know I don’t need this
judgments. Becoming aware of this fear, however, is the first step in overcoming it.
the novel sound of speedy cars as they wiz past. I label them and move on. For the
first time since I began my meditation, I pass a person in the street, not allowing my
myself from adhering to the normalcy of eye contact, but I am also instinctually
surrendering control of the situation to this unknown individual. While I know that
they pose no danger to me, I feel a fear building up inside. “Look at them!” my
unwitting adversary. What’s their gender? Are they larger than me? Do they dress
well?
It feels so natural to “size someone up” in passing that I never realized the
reasons for my gaze, nor even was I aware that it took place. This initial profiling is
truly a means of feeling in control of a given situation. If you know your antagonist,
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you will be more prepared to act in the way required of you. Not antagonist in the
sense of fanciful duals or fights to the death, but rather, someone who you don’t
trust yet. Instinctually, I find my brain seeking to classify this person as fast as
rejection building up inside. On any other day, I would give in and allow my mind
to orient itself to this person, acting in a way that is more mechanical than fully
aware. Today, however, I will refuse my mind the pleasure of impulse and see where
that leads.
My mind doesn’t like this one bit. I don’t think of myself as a fearful person,
but I quickly find myself spiraling deeper into a state of mild panic. It seemed that
when I didn’t allow my mind to behave in the way it wanted to, I became
for instance, I started to get the sense that I was at its whim. How could I cross the
street confidently without having made eye contact with the driver of the stopped
car? I started to feel a dire sense of helplessness – was I sure that the person I just
passed didn’t turn around and follow me? Was that a trick of the ear, or did that
as fear can be compounded by meditative states: “…when you are making every
effort to control your thoughts, that is precisely when thoughts become most
leaping flame, those heavy wooden gates proved only to fuel the very fire I was
trying to quell. Even still, I can’t help but wonder where this flicker of fear hides
when I’m not meditating. When I encounter a person on the sidewalk and allow my
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eyes to examine them, I don’t explicitly recognize fear, but does that mean it doesn’t
exist? No, the only reason I orient myself to the stranger in the first place is because
of this fear of helplessness. Refusing myself the desire to observe didn’t create the
conflict and strife. With the constant reminder of terrorist attacks following
September 11th, it seems that our government is intentionally using fear to garner
support for their right-wing agenda. When controlled by fear, we don’t assess the
world around us, acting mechanically for survival. This lack of awareness leads us
to tolerate the slow whittling away of the human rights that we hold dear. It is our
prerogative as citizens to not give into this mindless fear, but rather to assess
In the movie “Defending Your Life” (1991), the protagonist finds himself in
the midway point between death and the afterlife. In this fictional land, the purpose
of each newly departed soul is to prove to the powers that be that their most recent
visit to earth was one not controlled by fear. Souls that demonstrate an ability to
overcome fear are sent upward, while those still dwelling in it are sent back to earth
for another go. While it is a cinematic farce, this message holds a lot of truth. For
when we aren’t aware of our fear, we can’t overcome it. And if we can’t overcome
our fear, we can never move past it, in this life or the next.
guided by a silent, unknown fear. By mindfully recognizing this fear, I found myself
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Works Cited
Defending Your Life. Dir. Albert Brooks. Perf. Albert Brooks, Meryl Streep, Rip
Torn, et al. Warner Studios,1991.
Hakuin. “Practice in the midst of activity.” Orategama I
Rosch, Eleanor. “Mindfulness meditation and the private(?) self.” The Conceptual
Self in Contex. ed. U. Neisser, and David A. Jopling. Cambridge: Cambridge
University Press, 1997.
Silananda, U. The four foundations of mindfulness. Somerville, MA: Wisdom
Publications. 1991.
Tulku, Tarthang. Openness Mind. Berkeley: Dharman Press, 1990.