NLP VlJiJNchffi'lge qur Uf-e. It llas~lready helped IuiUions of y people:o¥,eTo{)om.e feats, increase confidencesenrfch reff!tronships, .all~a'chiev,e. hJTeat~rsuccess. Now..

tbe NLP &mpoo .. heMiv.e Training Team, has'\'!;f]i,'itten the-book on'how to USeT this b.I~akthroug:h ~tocbnology to tfchiBVe: wMtevCl\You: want. Dartt just <h~am about signii1eanfiN improving your life when you ean-useihe specific techniques in thiS \?OoKtO tn, _ ~se'rnotivatiQnj cha~e_your .fed]~, ~ainllpp()tt~ and much morel And best of all, yeu'U :achieve results almost instantry; Drawing on, years of <~:soRal professjOhal! experience. this worJd ..class team, of" ';unseloTS" ooachei, and Gon~ultants has. cteate4. the most effective gUidebook e'\i:e~I; to learning and applying HLP. Shott for neuto~Jingulstie pr0gra.mming. N£p ~s.~ revoJutionazy approactrtQ !l,Uffia1} cO:1l1munica~joi~ a.,nade\!,hl~pUle.nLlt'is ba.$ed ill the ,astof)lishiing discovery that by dw..n,g;i.nghow.you think, you can transform what you think~ By: ~i.ui:ply, readingJhis \look, you can learn noww.,eliff1inat.e unwantedhabi1lsr tronsfQnn nega'tiv~ emotions into ~siltive feeljngs, improve semf-im,age·and self-esteem, and become -mDP{'i;~h.e' person yon want ttl! be. In N[.R: l1ie Netv Tecn#.fJlegy .of Achievement, you'll be guided step-by-step through specifie: program(j fot lea:rmng the characteristics :of top 'achieverS aud creating adhlueprint for unHmit~rl $'UCC~ss. B\I'~ chapter ·dses".tlta, win heIR,; ou master specific Nl,P . an aI};' Dew .twenty-one-day prqg:_rain fot thiS proVide~;s you w,ith thi! need to achieve peak performance in. business .

ana

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The NLP Comprehensive

ALso a;!.i'ailable !hun William Morrow ruJd NIglnimgll.le-Conanl
'The' New DYi1.amif~s"(}J WirmifJE' by .De:~.is Waia~y The Ctmjid:eriot Dedsl'lfJfI'Maker by Roger D,awf; I] Saie]£ Mugic by ~!!Y Johnson

".

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~.

p L
f; AU ,B'ORS

raining Team

THE NEW T.ECHNOL10GY OF' A,C'HIEVEMEN:T

Edited by Steve A11dreas and' Charles Faulkner
COh~TRUl,UT~

SW:,r'e Andeeas, :lI.-t, A,. C~~,a]"I,esP,;Itrlko:ler. B ,A" Ken,' Oe:r1ifig:. Ph. [) .• Tiilfl Hai~]'bnm" M.S, W." I:tgb~rt .M.cDomdd, M.S .. Ge:l11{'Sch:miidl. Ph.D. Siui S_tb, lVl.S-

'Y, INC.

Crlp,ri .!tt

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:[994 tty NLP COOlfRl:!~i"'c

00

Acknowledgments
MeS'

PLID1JJSSioll1>,!orulilll"ti!l,g ~, !;mt:H[lIl~tiu:~ Of tUe cOJlyrighl Pllge. !l'fJ?lllfr I

34:8-,349,

n ri81m, ~~gfv,OO •• ,u p<m (If Ihi~ ~:~ m~lI b!:l rcpL'!"J\iu!'Icd, nr mJll;,_e!:l iXi 34)' [!imIl jjf lIly an)" ~-IID. eleclJii me r lII«haru __1. iliGludin pboroeupJ;'lfl,g, recoroin,g, 00" by ~y in rwm-atlOlI ~Qll!S'C ~rr ~tri~Yal ~yM,ImIJ, wi(fil,ow'I permis!>iQII in '\¥firms fT()1T1. ~h-e ,P'l:ib~j !lel'. I:~,. ,q,uiril."s ~ltOOldlbe ad~s~c1 W fI~nui&5'i(l'lJs l)epLrI~[II. 'illiam Mmrow .md Compa_ftJ', lnc., 1350, li.\'~ll'"I,l~ Iil're AIm.Eic'as, New Y(I.I'k, 'N, ,'1001,. Df I't i (he PlJtL}'
~gnlz.]n!J;

~'Wilti:!!IT!Mom"".., 11m'! Oi:JmpM}'.

Ine..

'tb~. hlilllpll1"1'.il~ '0']' pres~mllg l;!i1hl!(h~~~[j, Wrill~ll. [J} PrlltL( 'Ule, publish 0..11 m: Id-f~e pape:r. [J!fld ;I!fe ,eKe, I 0011 b!!Sf 'e:i'f<»1~ ttl Ihg:t ~QI!I.

[illd II impril'l!!;, ,unl :i1flilli!ll~s, 1Yoot!s we

l.~braQ' 0.F' C~~[I!l'res!1 C1l!~login,g·i~"Pu'bl.i~ooml D~t~

, 1". Ii!i~ 'n!:1,\'

p'
em,

[t:~ruaallp),

'O'f ilel:tie">~l'1elIi

t The

. LP' CQ!u~rdl!:!lsi:r,;e TmEni,rng Team

]ru;tu~ 'bitlli"',gflj;phitii,1 ~re~i1::re'lllt\es, ,ISDNO~8.[:2009. I. Mcuggli_n!J,lJj~t.i(' ~~litim:i:lll!1;, ]. N!l:1?' Cl1lnprehr~n_;;.1~,¢ f!J~g;uiIZ,ali,a,', Ill, -

(l,Ri!7.N4.6l'lSi'
15'&'.1----4c:m

19914

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minds aG.k.nowl~ged or not, ,cmuribute [0 ,_omp,leHng a..nylhing. Th~ book beg n a.s an otfe to de a t!lpe set 'with the :ighitingal",Conant

r I,
J!ie:I

S'PO[)iliI'~

to k~g'ine the: be['()ii'~ author s~andi,ng '!,;\I'oFds. TQd<ly,we Imow dle truth ]s [hat

flllone l\tlallj!

wid1 b;i:sor
llaJ'ld5 [tnd

ICorponulon. I ,,'long the w.\I,y

if,; ~dd~d six, <lumf);rs <!lid

edifors ~11d<ill hoot of ,ut\h,e-r• There are many people It,o Wa;f1.ik:,n I particular; w~/d U:i;~ start. by aCkmO\lillooging NLP's On,gl:t:ial cedeto
veloper

(uatclI:s ~)<l\'tdGordon. 'Ihe NLP' Cornpl~eheHS[",e Training Team weuld aho like to, thlInk .',t - ve and "onnirae Andir -as, eofounders of NLP Com-

Riehal\dB~ndh,'ir and JOb:[l1 Grmd.ev ,.. d 'the]!:" eady CooH,Jibm Leslie Camerae-Bendler. Judith De:Lol:ief, Robert DUt .,antI

pfifihen lve who !;'\IoJ:kas ,eiJiitors ,1iUlftO, • rid teacher' led main), of'1.l!8toe'xp]Ol!e'I"Ifl'" new world iI:'!U:H:~i'tl place. bey have been 01111 f mentors and guides, We are honoredie be '~'CDUab'OI:atiOrs w:ifll O~em" Theile MI~ aJs,~membets of the" LP' Comprenensi,'V,e,Trai~~ng Teem \II,~ho'"wh:U not dit~c( (onlri,htltor lO this volume, h _\i'e, by dleir in tnlctifl;ll and example, ~ff'e.lie:d'U" mucoiD pirlltiQ'il and dire' tion. They are Lara Ewing G.ary P.ru:::i .. Tam Be t. lind • mara! And· is, W11el'lyou arc reading this. you can forget lila[ books. denot just
I.li.lftgiGaUji appear" We kJloW dillfe:renny.

whose Job il lsie get. things done and

\lJlCl;lids. 'orem.o'st among [hem.

,bere are the ;j!!ndjvid,lIlli]" eleur the way for Itille; author"
ttl

we 'd ljke

thaak .

iS8

Jack ',on.

no
g;em:end mftIDag~]j'fOr NlP Comp:rehems ive. lief efferts w:ere iffil~lrnmlen:lita] i.n 1J.1i~.gij]gmiswodt ~.Owllltn:e .~~is,wd~y, a.m! N~~hti.tl~~h~.· :COin<l:iI]fs ~i{f(1, we~d like to m!fu.ud:;:Mike W i~]fuGind, seniot viee pwsidern of pllb:~i.8M]1lgOILU amiir.! pmdlLJcer GeOfg~~e C~1!;'~CO, ruJ:~ .• O:W,[\Iu.deo' p'F®d~c:er M2I~'~Iie<yee .[Jjge~o for their d~rn18,On '00] l,aJi::I.oA rations with L:r O()nlp.[ieh~il1!$i '!i'€:" Whi Ice till;). W~liI;: a~~ltdy has listed tWQ' edi~or~. our: ~.halih :1l1Fe al ~~, dn~ '~. SiYe l'ellflgal;@:r. nUl[ •• hlside
editor" :at: Ni8Iml]mJJ~<I]e-C~nan[,lO Will $ChW.'l!mJCl. edlterlal d[['®cruot a~ Wilh!3!I'l1JMQI'ffi'w and Qermpany., :;!l.ldw Karen eWlp'er ~OFher 1:,U:e-njghE, laS!:-lni[!1Ute: p:ons~~,]:w,g.FlQO\iIUyand fruUy, we worukl.lile I~D "fJ!c~n.ow~.edge illnd th"ant ili:f.l[hOIJ5-f1mUJS of NU' prac~ia:io!];L'~f£' we ~aughlt as we !>o,!e:r·C' developlng this mal!0:J:iai.. rbey were OIU:~stro~gest s~ppone:!:St QU!l:~iougl'LeRl ~ci~lc;safJid Oiur .ffll]est guides. . It isa OQ:l:nmpraex:p~rlence for rnaflYpoop~e. M>1ne'[l. mrst ~l]t[c(;ndl1ced to NLP. tobe eoneemed allJ~J'~Th~ PQs:~ib]~:l~es~nd nli:'<;ill!SeS of U~~s I l ~~ciIll:]o~ogy. Wercf?qogn~ze Ilim:'" lfnlcre(1[bl,epowe:!' of Un;: 'i[lEQm~ia.tiori p:1\~seut~dlnil thisi book ;'t>[ldr:ecoam.efid yiO~ exddEe c:lIl1i[~Qnas, y~1,Il

Contents
~
I

]e~rn~ ,and .a.ppJ.:y

UIG,!1;~

l~chn]que;s. 'Chapt.e-r On~: Ch;aJlJg;lng

YOllllI:'

Mmd

15
21

'Chapt,er TW!Ill!.What lIls .NLP'l'

Exercis.e I; Movie .Mlisic

Ex,erc::ige: 2: The .P~clJletre f'li'<]~e E-xe[\:Ci~~e: Cin::le o.f Bxcellenee :3:

39
40

4.5
55
~I:i,

,Chaptllf Three: GeU:mg M'O'Uli'ated. EMR:i~~ .'k ~defit]:fy~~gWi'Hl!~ Make:s:

.(i);el'dse

Expe;rie;nce

Compe!IU'D1ig :5: ~.ncreaSl[i[g, M~Yl~va;~k:)in mel;d§e 6: Tile, New lB,eha:~k)[ Oe~e:r[t'reJf

t3
76

10

Charptiel' Four: [!IliBcoY!eJ"ing "'O'Uf .Missi~n Ex~reiJS~1: y.i]~ Are a ~Mll,e:i E.x(;re~s~ 8: fmdil'lg Y~I:ar Ufe's Pas:sii()~8g;
Ex;erc~8e 9': ReeiX::;!!i~[w.ngYour D:ee.~tVcaLUies aiiJJd illJ'ti]ilJC~p~es Ex:~re~se 1. O~D@'!,I\c,iop:iJlIga Gr~mj Vision

79 83

'90
I§!5

ON'

.1;

'O·IT.E"

13

Exe[Cm:s~ .~I: JfiJJJJd.il1g a Spedfic

Grand'
1 wn

DilreclIDO[l for YOl!!r 97

Chap,will' Teu.: 'Creatmg, S,el~Ap:,[\e(!iafi~nand ,setf';.Hst'@~~~ 226 230 ExeFd;·e 34: Develop~ftg Your S!!]f;..E.su~em E~eKi~e 35~ TIle AtUo'l:!iog[apt~y Exercise 36; The Swish PaR ill 234 243

Exer"j<~e ] 2~ liJignlng Y GlIll]I:"Seif with Your Missio[J

CbapifJ(!:r Nve:, Aebi:evmg: Your GOl}hi .ifu!(!ifiCill.t 13: U t iliZliI:l,g Y O~ii Favorife He,rolij,erQ]lllie' .Exen:;isc 14: fii cl(»V,eri.rl.g tl'Ie Ind:iv;idu:a:JIRoles for
EX.'f';liCfse

99

107
1~2

E.x!erci!l!e· 'R spending Comf(jl~taJb!y to Criticim 37:

252

YQur Mi.~.s,ioiD 15.~Diseovering the WO'.iik ROles for

sjQtl

1]7
119 :120 122

"('our],\ilJi

'Chapmr :Rlel'[eD: Seeuriug a POlSiLi'i't, 1\i'erntal A't'tih!l_de.57 Exercise 38,: Emera lng a Po~ti.\i'e Mema~ AUilude; no IEx'ea:] se .39: Finding Y.o1!l;rPersonal l'i:mtdi..ne 21'S Exercise 41):'T:l1ieDec' ion Desoo" r ..75
ICbapter Twe~ye: ,A'chievlng Peak :Perforrng:1ili0e Exerci 'e 4~: The Swish Pattern fo Se]f-mJKIweffllem lE~er,ciSJe: 42: Cma:tffig a P~ak.-~e'rf(lli'mill_I1()~ I!:i!l!i[l:!".im

Exe~,'Cfse .~ Oisco\ier:ing the .Pel'S)o:lJ)a;l .rniil f':Z1l.nUy R,oles [6·: for Your M~ ion Exercise ] 1: Oi,sooiVfi:t:ing~e, Cilil.elTh~oIes for Your Mi.ssion &!erdse, 1.8: Cre::uing' ,a C~ltrlpell'il!l.g F(utl!l:l:'e; .lExe[Cise ,~9: Be\!e~oping .11. pfan Exerc·se 20: Rapl:d .R:eheaxsal Exetcise .2 rn; THrun!!: Action ChQptel' Six: Cl'leatifig R_appot'~ and StF(Jng R,elatinltships:

279
28,6
~91

D2 1~34
135 :! 36 139'

IE ercl e 43: Liber. dng Your Pcrsp~dv~ for

UliiI.Um:ited A~hi!evemem . 297

The NLP .21-Day .. nlimUed NLP

OLOSSA[B:Y

Aichieverne';.Qt PIi'l!.~g~:a:D1

303

331
37

Exevcise' 2:2: Mak:ing P~op~e .Pan of Your Goa~s ExerdJe, 23: SCitti,rlg R~~al[(mhip Goa]' '8lettise 2A:De"e:h;jip]~g Vo~oe M~n,cb[Qg Lhalpter Sev.en: Poweriul ~r'suasiQn. Sh'l'II~gj~ EXiiJfci&e ~::5: iFindf n_g Y:~JlI:lir l~a.ls foeCengruence S
and .Wncongruence ~e:rlG:l se 26: Creating ][nue:r Ali&l'[i.men[

143 ~45
[52
],6(1

.. orES
BII!! L]OIJ.RP'H ~[ GiltAfHlIiS
Y

343

345
"48

P. RMl5$WN'S

] 7-

.mode'll

'501

~1& ] 83
] 89

Cha.pter Eigbt: EUmmaUng You.r· FearS31il1d [--hobias Ex:eri~,i s~ 21; A.sstic·j,aU,o:ImJ and Dissoc ia;ti'~lTIl IE :fcise ~8: RlJlnH~tn.ga Ba.cit\\'!lfdi Movie
Exero~~e 29: 'fhefasl. Phobia 1,ecb:n:Jii~l;Ie Exerc:iSi~ 30: Ta:Jd~.g,other Posilion

['91:

Exercise ~,l: The

e.utr-al' Oh'ellier

Chap'r'i!:r N°ne:: .B.ui.ldiDg SeJf~Cofdii:de'n(e Ex;eIt:ise . _; Rd~1!rrnl[lg an Jailer Voje

2m _os

194, 200

Exercise :3 3:

F'ftSlIiU]On

il:lto Flexi biIHy

210 :2 ] 1

Changing Your Mind

A,IIIlY g;~f/fid(j.ntty .a,d'll(J1;Jcerl .i'e<c:J~l'Iv.I().gJ .i:tu!isthtg,!iiskabir: ls

.frvm ni\(lg#:.,
-}\R'iHUR

nr.~ grew'eSj

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a}

.th~ ,1IscQI.lery
'''1.~i'Jd.,'•• CfJ'~

.rhsJ hU'm~JI

c.

CLAl,K'E

heings" b}, .,e:l.iflPlfi.rii!]' If~~ {;!';Im,r miiwd~~ the 9.I1.~er (11rpecfs oj (fleir H1'es ..

lhdr

d~t;lrlCe

-W~UI"'M JAMES •. eflJ:im!ll~ Ame!';'mlllJ'!iJCh~ti()g{~~'

-bis. b~ok 'I~.m~~Htl1g..~YO~rli.'fe:. W,e·k.Tlo.· , Wb~tt y.()[j'.re aboutto w has ~].re£l.dy d:l<u[n,ged (~'LUS. We aee ~he;trainers ead CQflSU~~ t~~l5, of NLP' Cm(J.rIf1'"f:Jiens,~.ve.[I]JJ urg.aieJ.iza:tl[)'D O'j In!;!h4d,1,,H!lh d~d[~ c·g~ed.to ~ldping peoJiP~:e.e<tch [h~i]' l!n~:in:tilOOl nne:i rsseurees, The : a.OCDn.a.!l~g '~fpe:fs,f,)n<ni~ chlll1ge;y~ujU I,eud ill these ehapters kar?puu~d to ~ct!.l,al i!ldi'll~(iu:arl'S.,~n m<]~.ll.y ~e:S. :rfle~ ~h~]'J:gestij~ pJace tn the c !im:n:e .ii!,J:~lI)lI,il.nt0;[ l~me~lt wl!:H take ycm W read ~f:llbd1i.u[befilhll. Th~e ' li.a:rJiS$O.!1Ua:liO\!lS, wh kb incl [I~e [:'haillilg;in.g :fe.tr in:t,o OOnfiMElce. de .. spair i!1'~Ode~frn ,and woru::y .over th~ p,,_sl h'iruogQal-©!rk.(J[~da:ettoJtli, aire ~h.e'r,e.;sl!]]t of spe.,!;i aad ~e~n<lb~,eIt.ectu:iJiqlles:. \Ve;' ve~;a.~gl'Ul fie m~m'~o o-©·~iIl:s~J@rs.C!O(f1Su~il;s!nls" Datc]J;e s, mrJi<ltl<lgers. erl,g~e6rs j~[jlC le1:.es, e:l1Jitrepreneu:r,s" exeeutl V'e~, fJ!l~dp~r<e[Jjts-~unlk.~Eld£ 01 people intceres[,0d ~ffecti1il'e ]Jer~QVl!~I. ,1!~ldprof'e~S]On"d d:]j~tn§e. CoHeeI~a,'!i'e]y. wehave 'eodJt~d. a!,'!ij~QI)ed:ahnQ$t i~ dozel:l of J:ihfr 'ke¥ books '0:1" onthis u.[[n'isflYI'l;(~aU·©<n<1i] reclH]i)iog~/, .a!1!dp!'.l;ld!;lced. more It~a[l.t~h[~ , ri.~tI:~s th.lll~,miil~YauJaoRllo videotape p!'1ogr&ll1s. OVer l]]e last b,,];'i JN~,ar$. U1flm,~gfu our bOQks, tapes, and 1iT<.I:inb.lg :sessiofi'lis, we've lil:[foouoed thls new PQss~bmty £:0]" .1 ng~o over .... ivi IIti:1 [io!] pe~pl~ in Sru~llliaJt1olroiS.~f1Igtng from CQ1l10!ll!!tebQlitl!dmdms [oa. f nne-teem sc1Rec]hollse., from packed iaudHo'riiUims '~oa ,cance.f~l1et~]'1ientuospi~il.lWQm. a f '~Ve d~dn'l~ here. We set. om, prob.ably "ery rrtl)J:ch~i~k!e staJrtl. y..ou"
_~Jtl

T-

witJll i~N le more than ()illl!" s.i]lCle:r:e d,~s ire and ~ope> thai delibemle. ch~!].gew<fS,po'sslbJe. 'We spe]lj( ye1l!:ffi searching across ilhie ile!.d,s 4)[ piSyd-10~Ogy and persoeal deve I(]JlJ~,1Len( f[ji[~\1L~\Sl~1 limrhimen~ change t~al w®r~, Flj(n:u;l'l !.In]versity eduC:~1J:uonS~:Gthe school @f~mftl knDc.ks.,m~t from '~xpeD~dv'e h'Ili~m,i.l]g seminass to s~]el'il.i se~Jexttmunmt]oil:1, wemeasured
'I[~::;S~li'lI[

BefBW we g!;l.ide y,oilLli]lJto cl:eiSi~ing !m:ewl)QssibiliUes of Ulink1ng. lee]ing, and. aeting for yQl.lrse.lra~Jd 'nho~e: YOil!.]O\,'~, W~ weuld like
[0 take

wh at we found by the results itcoukl

'ffiO;re tb~'F!ia de:c~d!B se~t£r.; l:iun:g[or (l'tc
i

prmlllJllC~.
A [!IlI~nlhe;r of

just if! Wll!OIH,elilt~6 i:r~tl'I'JdlLil!ce ol,!ll'.&ehr~s '''~4k~ bi~~Ibfli~:t wil<l[ we dto ilnd hoW' W'e W'(l:rt.
i

)i1~}l;lI know

a llnls

keys

~o fe:il!] i~md l.as:l]I1JJ!!,c::ll.mgebefore we fmi t:l1l:dthem. Om metives W,e;_re perSlQll'lal a~, weU' aJspl"6~~ssk~IDIa[ _W,e W:a~]~iedm<:ussi'Sl. ur die:!lUl in o ~U'a:Il5altnd~]J!~: ti],eir pi11JS,t. di ftku]Her;. ~'t1.d seW~.im'pos.-ed Jjrn]I[,a~k~!lrus,a s lh-ey get 'PmI the adye]]~'l,l:re: of t~]!e;ir~Iive •. 'We "i.'lI'il:llted,to affectU~e bottorn liaes .of bu slnesses and the peop~e who li,Vor)k fQ1! tlM!411, to im:l'I":ase 9t~ei[ p:ro(_h~~li it]' , profi1. and pl'tjifession:a~ s aflsv factien, A~Hj we w~illh'id &oITIotltmg fer Q~ll'sdves. N ,1l:g~ITlS (!If cila]1,ge" we wall'ted. ~k~]Is m.~Hcqt:! Id )l;lUlh~7f[ce those who were :.li~relilidy ach:ievh~g and increase witflJt. was ~keady C;Mellenl.foif Oili:l@wn sal]sf~ch@R,we wa.nted [0 be fJlble [Q move iJeycmd Imxil1g probJems IlG t:l".e:;nmg po~s~t1iHti.e,s, Wf;/v~ a!w,;]yfl, be][eyed we (loltld do. be,

Ste:weAlld!we~s, M. A. lLP' OOlup~ehe:nsl ve cofoaader, lfa:i.ner. o:!!uthow. ,!IIud NLffi'I im][}v:aJltnr', sits ~iSlemli1Jg a:lLen~i'Ve]:y ro <1 WiQffloan .~8 she desclwes, how a. s]l:i!iMe[lI,!] iI'Ic'~(k:fltfrom her past re~~rJafes OI[jJ
OD:!iI!SiQR. She deseribeshow

~~~i~ wi~

'~oo.sr,ecl.i!!.l:t'b~g wemory has .li.mlJ.i.t~d her feeh]]g,s, .:InC!Ure dlOice.s, St:ell'c gent!.y ]:l1Jlemlpts her s~©rn)~1'l1Ldacsts ~~ow shewould ]ike~lngs. LO be, She brriglllt~I'I:S;"UI.{[laJk;s ~boUI~ a ~ew caJre~_rldea and a diff~vc:nJL ki[l!e1of: Hf~. He asks some unusual ~l.Tes~jo'l1ls, ,[lJ~(r~tthe ffir.,m~x:pe:ri~ll.ceilililiCl (twn[M seeoad. At least s:he whiks they're: unnsnel. No one has ever asked h~li' ,]f her memories

were ~laCk ,and ,,~lhHec,or~lllJ ~o]o:r hsf6"e" He t~:m:e[j guideS. her tbr~ug~, wlia:~seemstebe a simple v~su.all.zatj!O];JJ, PI1Jy <'It Ihe e[!Jd,:~,e"IriI1.lIc;"~
f:i] ledher
m;e;I1I€1ry.

ey~s not ,~fS!I),rt.urw.

j

bl.l:t

of joy, S]J.e feels

t'6]eO'lsed

[wuIJfue:r

Iha\1't. ~n~

became lWileJ'(e. ~IIHl~htl~YOn:!ij..n ~o{:). t Now, moee lhm~ O'I.l [J[lY '0fh~r tlrfJ~ ]~ htiI"lJ'~mhistory, lili:li~j]yap~roa€lle.$,. old and new, ~liepO]fltmg Wlwa:!'-riI~fI1pro~li~lg hUutffm1Lpo~enHalal1i~ runc;n::a:si[JJg p~ss.ibin:[i~s, Spmt ofllhe:m <Ire lI'i~eUkrulfwn,.

past Less~b8in thi.rty minutes has pas£ecli. Sheren1orill:!'l tree or ~1[re

wi.rh aames ~]lIte ],os,it]Vemel1l,d :!Iu.:i:ll!clI~.v]gu@.I~;;!;~'l:iomli, .11f.lh~miilliGns,., inner child work, goal setting. ,1lnlJd personal power. Y 01] !JLillIy e lien have ~:rl,~done or roo1re Clrl~em ~tl. tine lilIlll:e O!i' ~~~o[)l;H\~;r, If your' expetie~ce was ]ik~ Ol!J!fS;< !)o1l1e!ti:n:n.es~h;,ey¥i'orhlJ1a.mjj t~e!jesul[lS wt!r,e~ ljwly marvelous. A,[ lother ti mes, HH1Ugh,they did,!1) A~d when dley 'L didn't. no mauer h@wm~,CLh we wm.deil:! or n~t\d~d themto work, dlCy

WEllIldt1l!'l, II was, these erl:~niClie1S!JJI]~s. ~h:a:l k:e:pt us: &ca1'ChlIFilg,even furIt.herfor the-real ~OClI,So~ d~(HIg:~. 'We Iniew we we ''l! a:lrea9ly pari: O[ ~:new.<Jy lb~lfC. WewMlcd [0 prodlLilce 1.·eS,ij.~~$' conl'Jistcn;tly. 'W<le, "'Il<ln~td :[10 kaow '[he difference: UKI( made 'the djt1en;~nce be'[wee:rn ~I] QG'C'Si.sioual .or ,temElQ.ro.try renaf and a d.e~p, las'lting cbaiilg~ - We \va[li~d to be able to de1:ibent~e~y[acUat;l!le t!fc~:rnsfhI1~'1alioll<d c~Thllnge' nd teach a otlfterSJ ~i() do it[Qi[ .themselve;, as weI i.

'C;ba:l'I;e-"S,!fillM~:kner, trai.net, .ilLi lh'of. aXld expel'tmodeler .filliisnes his m.~e:nrlew wilh~he 'Ci(]i.mP:.l:rlj<' s b~es[6nallci~.~ d!eci~i9~1 IrI~kier • Hefie;i s a mtflllw:m:o.se lil1Q;[~gbtsmiiJ.d ©ip.u[J!TCmg affect the ~]'iJ.~iV'fi)me"Nit~t ~1I1Jjn]i(m~. 10f doU<llrs a day. ;C.h<l!i~es pointJ; t~ !~bellot.es he ha~ !nade ,@~ the bmutL l[l a ]m:ii.g;l!J!<!:ge of piCl/lillies. wO!jds~ ?Ln~fe;eUng_s. he mescrlbe.s [1i~~Jle'[ai~sOlf this d'e.1C';isiO(!] !~~akefs s:~nue,gy in ea_$,¥-m~Yndler.sm~cI 'ru~rms,The members of the asse~'Il1 bled te~m begrnto re~Uze ~~'!a:[ t'l1Je:y C<l~1\ use these !lm'Pe ~lep~lodr,S!roa:tij.~aiUy impll"ove lhdr own dcdsiofl-

nl.i~g, ~biHUe~,"The ms(of {be: m,orn:mrg;is spem applyil'il.g their new st~il SlO ~ wide variety of problems and QP'pOrU;!];i~U~S.
.KeJ1y Get'] iug.Ph. D _, (;o:rpGf.;Jj[e lrnl~~r and ka,d!~r.s:h ,ca:lfl~ys,t. ip emers llhe ,eQ:l1!ference m'G:ID ~!ld tms in tile scene, He CaIIJ see [be h:=t']~~on and despair (i:l'] their faces, The ,oompl1il:l1lY''S~,i[lOC[ioliJiis iii

1&
slake
t,

19
en's eyes ~~ 'well as h) ~h~ couple before him. Ibek m~mage not only survliv,es" it I~llii.ve",.

.11 'ki[la

and tiwe,1Lioam has tleer.! d'e,adloCf~d for week s, He begin· 'by t~oreach e'e>Cutiv!';' pereeptioacf [he]n,~aUon. "tl,1; he acknowledges their cencerns, be ~sk!io~hel1lJli W ~31k ai:l[!<ilI~ thei:[ va]Q.D" rille feeling [[D th' room. begins 'I! shill, (lone has [ Iked with them this They can -'len 'e siOme change 1:$gti:rrirng. t\-vo da.ys later, they are designing 1J1l1;:[r ew ~tl" regie plan. A yemn

w~y.

]l:lter, 'I:he values expressed at th~]e mee'lil];~. ha,'Vcpread lhmugh· out the c,olftpany, ~rn[lIr()\'m," nl1!}taJe, and transferrnirrg Ihell:l back ~,IIi.Lt)r m,atK~l lead I: . TimHElUboR'l., M.S, W .• U'ai,!'l,elf" ;:;'UdU1£; and heailtirHI,ppli.c.altiqtls lieiie,~roher, had j IJ T,le~ni.ed [110m LP ]nn(lva'~or Robert DHt Hnu ,anergic rell,Ponse ai~ cQmpal:'<lIble'to a phobi<l ofthe tmmane system" While thera' ~Q' :rea] d~ngerf,fl?m:r[ the outside,. tbe body' immull~-systell1! reaction is, 01 strong, tb l .ir becomes. I[he danger. Tirn utentiJOt15, tJI:I to some sel:!tlftfiar pa.])Iicipat1rls, and on, ~ of'li:u;;m, announce-s ~be:'s aUergic [0. 'evel~yLhi.ng, It 'W ill' O:j;Jjt 1ieha somany ~ food ~~ile[gie's be' spemdillg (rver two hl~1ITld'red dfjU~rs .11, w,e>ek on It spedal diet. AppJying Robert 'o']]'ts,"S, rocedure fqr reducuw a].le:rgL p reSROJls'efO. T~lIlJ1 guides him to neutralize t!],~ food 'triggers. rOIL h] :aUerg;ie.. Fol~owiQg ,ex.1reme:liY e II.nioLl· .-md conservau e lest,ng the parnc~pa..n~ fh ds over ~:he 1ill.e.1\t fe d !t.ys tJl:ta:l all. his B!:Uergic responses ha¥ev"mished. Tbe~'never l1ehJro. Several ye;,uo, .f1d thous:altds ijf s;Q]coes.stili] eases ]ate!', l'in'll I.S '(J<!Irlicip.otUng ~!tI fOml!al e 1:[0ieal studies III a Vail, CulonIJd!o, medical facility '00 Socienti:fJc&J]y ( . ,I this newapproa h, Robert M D n~!ld,.M, S .• lmner, autl'brYr, 111]('1. heal er ,believe t:ll!<I:t the deep conneetions D, Otl live' are uut f'elillion'hjps. The esu:an,g d couple ilefon:hi mwh ij~S' 'I,b ~ did. '.00. iBe'gil1l11ing w[tl1l one and '!hen the omer, Robert dim w,!> rhem nt. He beJps [hem ,dhride '[:heir dj .lIppo1nltfl1elll~rmll 'lhe~!rdreams and relilldIe wbal:firt bmught ~hel,'!l"I h).g;et:I:!~r. He then as~i:s~s, them in!i'~elaUy :sep,~Uug tnemse]·· es rom old co-dep. nde'n~ p<tlt~ros, aad gainlHg a pew .ense

Grry Srd'nn~dl, Ph..D.. teacner ,Lrairref. and! fl'. ychOilhempIs1:. waJ]~ts f~]" the weiU-dl1l1::s,sed executive ta compose himself. h hats been it yeru-since be wa' blind ldedin ,an automoblle accidelU, .. he still ',',e;E :~ndSch.fu-nse~ :p~iJ].ickiIlg.a~y 'time <I ear comes a,t him fi'om. lha,l: ang~e. f He mows. ~t"s !10r rational, and he S Oill,' here 01'1 the J'1e.c;Qnunenda_.
."

a frie~d. Ge"rry asks him whel)e ~tb,app\:lned:, m1d how ]~:m.i.gt~t havlt !oote,d fmm aero the ",treet or lhe cab dow['I the idock.or from a 'Iraf:fic hel~cCJlpter., ~Uy £00:111fne '!:WO'are, ]fl!ugh~ng ,a:ltiPlJi~ . I h and without unde:rstandi.llg why! tbe executil."e finds hinlself maldng up' a jokeaibOil,liJt the ]lJiddelilt H~ ~biveshome frem d'le .5,i:l'ig[e~,]il;-e. hour e sion with. ease, Hi teers never rerura,
'~.~O[i,of

Suzi Smith" M.S .• trainee, amhor, and healtll'-a;ppliications researihet, has ,iTI(llJg~i of herself as a lot ofthmgs;. wife. mother. teacher, eerporate traiaer, So.me:bow,tbon.g;h .. the idea of hein.g ,am '~!l1te:m1J~iO!DalI l/.l!tl'!ori;(J in a new field had never come up. anti. ]'( a didn'l t\eelmltJl]_rn].~,5 :slte U~aJ,;,i'~d her~eeHng.·· back to theie Orig~H.; .;be found Oil ml.lldl earlier Iife expenence. She f,e:ruil,~d her feelings ,bel.onged more aJp'p'rnp:rn,atei~ w, ,a '5t!Jden~ in her teens 'Who was insecure in her knowledge. TJ:m; - as, dead}' not. who she is, new. Sin~e th]:sse]f~Umjti!lgbe~]e:f 'would onJ)' bold her iback from c;I,e1.iv= 'ering theimportanl di..coveriesLhatbe and bel' cQUea_gues have n"l~de she,~-edcle.s, to ,c:.h'<ll:lge it. Or,awing t(n minda memory ef wben , he felt coafidera and competent, she Jitel"aUy l~M~SIhose qy~li,tj.'es ItQ U"a:l'ldQr~1IJi her old chil,dhood wemo:ry ~[[10' !l resourceful one. She compl,e'[,es_the prece ill less than tea Oli!lute~. 'Ihese ,acoo.unts probably seem like overstated" and ufllik@ly iuddCrJiG; IOii barring 'malt; mtracles. Wllil.en w'ehrst heard slmllar acCODUl , [hey s.eem!Odlike 'I'IQr'thingles '[lum mirad,es [0 ~ ,'100. Now,

ot' vl'l:iJ.o]eness ill and for themsel 'lie s, Fin,aUy. he in ilJeS llhcm b) pallrtkipme ina healing riUIJI]in whichthey brilJlgLhe Jullne s Q:f e1!)~h other ItxJgJether in a. []'v~l:lg. lov~,~g reTaliof'!!>hip. Te~ucome· 1:,0 Rob-

after te:..nor mere years !JS " LP' practitioners, dtl'aine{s, ,c(jna~]~,iil!J!lts; a:tl;dcounselors, we kno from 'the ~Ilot!"'a!]ds of personal e'peri~
ence' U~e them that rapid, deep'.andc~" ting ,chan~e is a rooJ:j~)1- As

20

p Or perhaps; you 81:.'1 ceededbnlllamly, even ~c!rt:i.e'll'ing '()~f' ,••ated r gO<lli • Then yeu watched with 11h_'I,p]ess h~ITO II" thi~g _~d mexorably back ~,atbe w~y they were h ' pre YQ[Jbeg fl. "hen tt c{Hlles
[() l()iSingwlo:ig~lIter cfu~mg]ng Ufe-!:![yLe , manYp'!.:'\.1p~e ba.\I~ had tlins 'e1'tptlrience. A:l'!d <ISif :[0 ,add insult '~jO i[![ju:ry,. if y®,~.redo%]b!oo YQu~

th contribulmg authors to~]ti boot, we know tbat f' defies the lIS~t:I<I] xP'CIa:QI)1)S of what" possible. ltseems sO! grandiose and e
lIn~ikdy lh~l,f some p~o,pXcwtll use that as lim excuse 110 never examine tt dose!:)', . Y:'e't tf y.o~, _were 10 ~aok .back over ittis ctmtlilry of Ch<l1l',ge. Y(I'W1 m:lg;h~ 00 s!1rpri &00 to d!i cover Uuu tiltre aii''1'lane ,a:nd ~he ~utolmobi'Le ate botlli :Iess rnan [00 yeaIlS Did, 'he idea fir sending voiees Wid musk through space to dli8tal~,t :pl res without wire' W<I~ thought in:ljpQ ]b~e al\d I~here~ofe lm\!,',orthy of serious lin e'l~gatiofi. hen mdio wasinvented, Mod rn medici[le with :i~sS,lI gleery and wronde!: drugs, is le s Ibm 15 years old, 1 etevlslen, which has eCl:il.il:i.nhf tran fotrn~~ OUr <I~elis less, than 50, while personal CO:!iJ;}putersa~ not even. 20 y,rurril. o]d!_ \Vh<lit most peep le don't rearize ~. tII]:u.sig~

[U~Jl1]tdfte1i;J;ij, ItlJJe fa(he'f" ofegQ' ,. Ids and (iedipiil~ o®:mW'l~e!\es, Oe,g@fa ~,[I JPub!:i:'ibbis Ifneoi,i'e<s, in ] 900" Wlmde file m~~ wOlll:MI W~H1i~, drive '~b' <I car macle ill 19GB. Ill[ leas t not re~r~dady, :ij~a,l'ly peJople [mol pl$y~ chO~Dgyhals clllill'ng'e,dU~U,e lilli~e: Freurl ..The)"d be slI:rpr" ed, There have beel1. rnany psyc80i ogiC1;d revel mlons, which have revised !lUX ideas of the brain ,and increa ed QUI" poss.ibmties for chaJ1ge"

Change or Pain
Every ~YDeof us hflS, tdecl Ii[ ~JrJ:eKie Of ,afJ:o~:her [0 ,chtl[lg~ oer u :~u±r,a;d:s ..:WM;[jJ was me: last rJn-lt'1 Y'(]l,Iltrie~ to stop thillk.mg ,iI thil-uglU, er quit ", ha'bii!.,c;n:r d:n.anglean uncomfortable feeling?Wh the]' it wall a l~ .~ of m(Ui\1~tion, a short 'romper; a Ceding of ~:sol'lllion, or simp];' a de:lHr,efor mere . ucce ',at
\\'.c 'IJIlI

effort ~~d tried e veno,ilil'd'!i:'r. it seemed the mere eHort. you dov(l(ed to your tr.ail-fuooat~on fi1e more dtl~Ve .w:ld ~ru tl',~tingil b '~ame. Apsrt of u realizes Hi}~ is c.:ompftllhly <at odds \ u.b rhe.world".we live in. After all. d~angeis tilking place Rf(lund tI ;1.an sn redible rate .~"le wtlu.-:h a new product make eld on s nb ·olete 11:1 an eveli~illJreflllj.iJlIilgpace. Omr d~i1re'll phi' viden gemes we' barely 'IJl~~d- ru;i:J'Eld. We find we h.IN~ to take addiaOllll] trainina just (0 do the jQlb.· we ~.Iready have. W> hear th >t,t, c:h~t1I.ge ~lilJ,;.only ,(:~ns~ i.g, an,l i~], :I.ire", d~~l if~evofywhere. W C' Ile;e ;uII and we belie ve n. ~h~ll ~. U]ljl~] we tr'l!' [0 ciIJa:nge ourselves. '\I,e. wander wh.~!:t'S, ~m:ng O[![ hese, ~s 111: us. ~~ what we,w.rmt ~Q, ch.mg' reaUy MJ dUfitiUlh? U ou wer~ [0 psu e :for .1 IJlO1:1i;1en~nd look at Y -Uf life from a a slightly dlffererrl pe:rspech1o',e. ou would see yO~l';'.' always b '~[I changing. Afmer all, you, tmOO ut atS a bah ,w.elghlfig IODII)' a ~ew pOil!]l~d5.. You ;gllew ~filO a child, and tben a, t~~nagel:' ood 'I!l.OiW~Ijj'J, adult. Yow ])lly:!licaJa]~pea1f"l1l.ce.. in. obviou or slJiblt-, ",\~:ays ha_ .• been tli:ll.1!f.lg]'l1Ig ever)! year, with r withnut you1l' apprectanon. You used to lik~,~a:.l'!id.y or pea:mn bauer of.dolh or moto~c.yd" D.f ~onl..e~:!:i~'mlg mere th.a~ <Iil~y~.frIt]]g 'the w,orld. and t;'VC'I'I if YQ'l] stm U:.elt, i!'f.!
other thi~ngsyou ne!... li1cllI,Il:ht jrOU' (II 1ike nav~ become much mere er i.m.pol:ll~nt. Through Un: years. 'fmrn bicycles IW Frj,da~night bash~s
to

T~l:iiHs or boll. ~,ilM,·

ilI'iiIlU\e-'[

have chaaged.

E"'I:!t rieC_ntl •

time Or another. we. v all wished

were dirffere;m. W,e;'\!e all wanted to change, :V0U1ll<;lY even have made a! C'Oll!Sd.ous dec~i's~Q!l ehange, r ba ked tt upwith a u.:ritten ~ol'llti.oJ] ,.and ~11;i.Jd :I, few elo e friend ~ ,about .~t:y Pl..I pi,c:~~d lIpsom .. bta"d{ and Inapes,~'n' he subjecl~. III aybe even j'(l!.[a)oo a.club. A few mOjnhs ]~te[, ~!1he' boeks wew halfread, t~l~ tIllP,~5 w'~r.,e s;_©mew~,~.we~ 3:110 y'-~rtl,rvi,endis, ]f they w,e.I'ie rea.Uy f your (rlends '. werie, ~nd ,enough :til,cn [0 bl:iin,g ~~up . .IDf YOllU experten~e 'was anylning hke '1l]:I.H:S, I:kllp]l!e youii' good ~nteDlti,ollils d Ie~1de ~re. m to be dUf-e:rent, you i ound yourself still !iluck ~n YOUJi' JdI hllbil'."

~hel1e~JI'e thinas vou've hanged ~aily. u wa ne of nll!)'Se ti:me' you weren'! c~e.~ thinking :'Ill; HI: it. It was almost as if y u dil ered til;Ialyou il.v:e'l"e doing '!lings Cli fcn~'nt ly. Y 00 just .topped eaung a certain fad, or we,aring_ a certain lyle. Or m _ybe )'(11.11 dc·veloped a !m:t\1;' hn.erest or hobby. Y QU didn'! think 'i1F1;y~l1it'lig of it. 1tIDook YOllr I. ~!." _ '[I"'~ ff1eHdl~ [0 pelnt ,(liliJl~ the diJ!an:ge to you- .~~. ye~l!l" y{):t,a, sal!,
, O'

~?iV-

changed my m~!li!d_"

. '; Any weaUy effective method ,~fcha:ng;_ewiU ~~a~e to (~pA~lntrmlh wi y W~ ometiill~~ h.1\',e II inCH!dibly l~itllcuJlt Ume dl.al'lgu!lg 'l'~d iii' kc u e of 'the db - ·hne e se wi.rh wl-ricl! we ~OI'ne'II.Ill~ d rl.

22
I'

HA,
,j't,

cr s o

"1"0

It M,I.

.23

~ong hme. n nappe n

T I,

Because if you Uti]Jik about

.UlI
"

change i~n"~:, omething '~:h:at takesa

an

D.o:Dst!l.DL

Maybe you ~secl

[0

be nervous

ill f III gf!.;lUP. and then yol:.! gOot up 001'1 d Y ud ,found you weren 'to Y'" ILl sat mim, front 0 the TV for ye'l andthee decided to. 'take a wflUk or take up a 'pm,'iliFlstead. Y,f)'UIDadk:Ithe tim w'.~o bad '~O'schcol, or ptU exira efl1mi~ img, 'lhart ]'J,:\,V aresr move. YOM. may bave worried ver iL for weeks, ormomh o even re;u;". ,hell you n need it had cha]Jged. Whet} yo~~ know ,!:io'Wte· dn ;<;,C'l,methlng, it o1l.ligl:n, be easy. ARer 1[0' aU, y u don't, complain Ul~U yobtr ear ~rom ea ily when 'you hun the 'anhiQIl',e' or Ihal onrrelililiOl~e' comrol acCumt ly -elects the television channel Yo(lM want ~OI w~J;ch" In thls Ught, it's almost human perversity :[b~ltwe':r-e encouraged '~cn measure theimportanee elf a p . onal change by tlqn~ amourn QfHffic.uHy. "u:rfering. Q1' time it [00 us to get It If an exalllp]e f °'·1 pain, nn gain.' A. if eve:ry~bidig dial hasbeen painful in OUf Ji'io!es, b .en a. gain. ~f ore. has m pain were l:rn('!;re gllLi,j;i w,e,e d be sBeokimg it Olilit. il'lSl>e<.ui '00:[i1Ivoidin~h. If [~ngdt' sUuggl,1.';! and ..uff;eril'l~ were '[be rUYlllrQlln 'to sueees .• w"daU be wl!i]k~ngto' ~V(l"k ~nd,WJ 111 'in,g pel:lcil~ and pony express, Pain is a sign that :if's time '~ochange, If our bands feel a hot surface, 'We pull theme away _ Pain is 'a ign we"Te 'uls.goga poQr ppm h. It's telling us. it' time [ ,d!i) ofil.eLb~n,gdifferent. Lt:l'IIglhy ~lt1!.gglewithout SUl::Ge 50 j. a ign dlt wha.n we ~ doillgisn't working. It s [i~lJIlie do s\iJm.eth.ing leis ' .. anything else. ~rs time to reaU2Je 'ma, tha:l pain, ~nru,ggl~e. suffering.ll!lad 'wa]~it.ig are signs d~'a!tit's lhne· ~Dr aumher <IJlJpr1l<1ch. They a-re vpltona.li addiIgullls to the ~baJ~g process, and ,eajJlly droppe(t
>
c

[}O",]tive ch"a.nges,jn OUll' perfesmaace, V e'd get immed iate, impr,(jI 'cmeats in how we lbifik.ee,~. aet, ood live. The . mpa:risoB .. ith compu,c. s abo, ro:pbli,ml why d:liange t5 ;5Jomcthne se difilCtIlL NQ ma:U'£1r bow meeh we WI.lJm, 'wish, or hUFi~ won't ~]iPb"l'adeom sollware. Neid'n.t~r 'W~UgeUing angry. or e[uering ~be same o~d inslnu::tion ver and ver agaln, \Yhal we need (0 d, is add'~\:. in. uuction to 'our cUff,e-nt progmms. ]1], ]U t where [itt: . be;long. W iEIl a: co:m'fil.!IDer, 'tthewaJl '~ do!.his lslaid OlJil i:mt (be manual with U:'il.': j5;~:nW::lI:re.Wilh'Hll'l1:1lan emgs, :i'l S been more b of a chan age. As one LP' trainer 11utit. "HLn;nan being ee lIke \lilly ~~perOOjllpu.~ellis can be produced, or rather reproduced, ll:mt with unskilled labor, , " , i\!Jd tt~cy d:o]1l'1 oome '",.ri~hIDstl1Jic:l]on
c

ifJj~anl!J!:d n Th~t I'. ~mt:i1 now, So.

What. we're about to offe~' you 1 tbe soft:wai'e manual for your brn1ID1. You n'mi' haee il perSQIH.l.1 '(;lomputer at home (li. at wort. U" y'olll do, you proba;l)Xy h~.\Ie· r!1l:lwibe:rof djffbrenl. S'of~w:il.re packages en , it. indMl;!ill!:Y, 3J word pi.:oce so(:, a~tJ?f'eadshee~ aPraw,ingprogil,"aI~II a page~tayml~prognrm utiHtie , and rmlybe a few games, 1If a COIU~ purer . alesperson ~old you you needed to geta 'Sep.o.:!lrate:madj~ine for each progr~, you'd Um hiln." ,~wary, Yet this ] wh{ll~ mo t people inadverlenUy dOl to themselvea, Tiley ]e~filil [00 do some.il'hing weU-semH~'> m.aIlBg.!i]'l;g, ,moli' ating, problem 50Ivi[l,g. designing, dde:g.a:&ingi' wh"~~V'CI i,[i,~--liI1:iLd after il wfiile 'they '~.h.ifllk~"This Is wha£ I'm gooo <Ll." They de",~elop an area of ~l\pe'rlise. and dit'm tbey . imp!, d!oll;[ know how to ~'l'Ige fh ir fi1eDt'3.~1 programs to' d . elop another one. If yoor persoaal computer ,(hdIi'[ run award-processing pm'gram. and <I spn~adS;heet. you'd gel: 'i'~ cill!eoC~edout, BUl when people can [ l\\wl'tch ll!1ent1l1programs, [hey UStli\Uy begin Ito mak,e excuses. They m y even expl in 'I.e YOIU that [b(~)'havea lack of [;11'I1t or the wreng body type or ~lrsuxul1ity psofile or even astrnloglca'J s'igl] ~OliI[ha~l kiE:ld of ~fum.g. Yel, 1lQ, (,De tb:inkR, thmt the; h~llJe. cCi,ufigl.l mri.on, 0 d,a;te Oi ," mannfaeture of a ,computer .l'Iufm:nlIth;.a1J l~m[t. it 'p. rf ofmance ~ certain programs, Th' Umi~lltim;j are pliJmarllYlh Ithe: soffi:.wali'f!, not the bard:w,are.

Re€enUy ~he G'O.!I1pUF,Ct ha .t; aptured the <J,IttelllrtiOll ofcie:oii srs and psyeholo_ iSIS, alike <'Ii model of Our ;b.rni'l'n"f ollr bram afe~. I kind of compute ,then our Htoug'hrs aad actiOll:!S are Uke our so"fltware progrann - ~r e (lu]d change our mental prog ams, just a we w do when we c~laJl~~1ie upgrade SooftW<ll'e" we' d immed];[jJte~y get. Or

As, .Dr. Wi!!l!~JI:I Dusen, Ph.D.. ~m1 former chie ps· chol'ogist van

24

L
-"!",o' -

CHANGING

OUR

MIND

I~

at Mendo ina Slate lIIopitll] in aiimmi, pm it • '1 h::ive observed the psycheu.beil:'<liPY 5!ce:l'il;ein~e '[he days \ hen Preud 'was the main vn~ce _ Later bri: :I' psych.o!lllier<lipY took at mere si:x.mnnt]} _ Now we' have th~ 'thirt:y-mifiuLe aDd even fiv,6--mullne cures of NLP. Speed J net thereal 1 lie, 'We mas t be do&wn'g in on the acw.al d~s1gl1 of people." 1'0 cb1ing~whal we Waf,ll, w" eed so Icn nee (he wa
'~l,le"R cies,iglled to dl::liir.il,ge.

PuUing NLP' into Action

Th i bouom line is, tha NLPaUow" you to have thekinds of experienees you. want For ye~l', now. NUll trainer ,and practitienep;s ha ve been teachi ng pe~:p[c bow to rel ieve their (au !lJ<:L. Cl'tl'1ite mot po ,mve feel ings, change ,Iifeh'ul.g habits '. reset ve inner contlict~. ~ndbujld new hell. fs, often ~''!liess thaa an hour, ~Ilthis book. you will learn for YOllfSe.lfsam' IOf the P1OS1 popular metheds N:I._.;P professicaals US~ LO accomplish these and ether ch.filIil.§es. .irst, ou'Il learn the hllSit1 p inciple. 'Ol! peesuppo iliolls ofNLP. You U discover bow your 'brain works al:nitthow 00. c.an make change mt)lf'C easily. Then YQ"~':II team and practiee s ~~in'c'iLP' 'lecbn.lql:le ,. 0 you can create the chsnges you wru: 1 and need th~OM,.I:",hQlIl, )'o~:r Uf'e" Pr~.ctiJCing NLP w~n:
'OJ

the ~nsttudioli fi1I.ffllriUru, w~]] 1,e-aJ."D how to:

Co'J[lJli~derwbal you could acrompHsh if ~10U CO'I.dd ta hold OIf g fOIr your brain, In '!he chapters '110 eo-me ycu

Run ,out super(:!O'm:putew-yoiU

bram.-mll:

w;ay' it: was, de-

signed
CJh~lt,geyour tholl,giht:s. ~(l'ti(],":s,. and feeli ngs .when ead bow you want to • Ch~I1ge your habits, in ]e. s than an hour. even ,.1frer you' ve
" truggkd. for yean; Be the w~.y you've lith ~~"!i w(lnted to be: ;cOI~fid!efit in times af erisls If;lIMIi;:UOUS, and. ~nQtlvflted whelli'~, re:;)lJ~yc\(]un'~s, as well as sen ]Ilive and receptive '~g'~Qveici on s ,!l]l,d, 10 life" , gi.fts

Pus you in charge of your own :mm~val!ion ;;; He]p you 'create ill Itemp lUng futllJre lInd a personal

(;l'Sltt.hwOl.y

to
I

.111

YOI] did~eemJ;;d, '[0 work om right. 'Villi ,LIP' fUU "'I,'iU learn l be alb~.e [0 rturn those '., pieces not '11U:jng" ~nto •<'f.i,ow•• -on defiltllind. ¥ ou 've cenainly noticootltiereiU',€, ]:I eple in the world v 'I'lo accomplish I~hi[lgs whh ease, You]I ]e,arn hOc,. yOY C;:U1 t:l!iidy these e per! ac:lhnleveJi':' n order to rna e their succe sfu] meatal ptog aJms more i aaUabte to YUllb'l!df and others, Our . eareh for ihe essence of change bas ]ed u 5 from hopeful dream and good imennens '~<) a "peciI"k: and powerful trsn ',~miI'IIl<'lti,onaJ t hnol,ogl'. It' an ,approach lIA,I~t!'l ~ is@t of skill.s a' [precise <'IS aprogram and :<]5 ,~tl.Sy as ~I:n old f iend. It willallow vou to, channe whal VOIl want to hl.!1I1Cl' and keep d'ilal worth preserving. h is called Ne~.Hl~)c,.LinguisUc Pro,g,ra:rn~ fllmg OJ' ·lLP..
'" ,~,.L
i

You've undOllbted[y had timeswhen ytml1eilidly ,~Iic;ked, when eve,zythin,g you. did worked perfectly, when il just "Ho,wed." And other times, when Ithe pieces jtmt dh:Illell1t t'ogethe:r. \vhe1J4 lill;CJiI:lling

!Build closer rdatiol.mhups and '~nha:Qc~ [Ie[·su IIston skill s Clear up past negativeexperien e thill may hay held you hack 'I' E Tilh ance y.ol1'lI"lilelf-1!])-i"rec~atiof:ll alld rei f -esteern '. Create a solidpo itive, mel\1{<.1!l <lttllude: ,~ G~Hn mere ,;J,ClCe,S'. 'llO yoar pe.1.l.lt performance .'
, 'I. ~e- sasne time you'f! learn !llm'ly of the .en lfacteri.s'~n;,of lop achievess. tile meneal maps Hun make them se succe ul. ¥ou"U be guided Il'ep-by-~t.ep tlulnlgb pecHic pmgri!lITl for ]e~i.ng and 1I ,~ng the cb~j;rlld'C'ris,fie!! hi.g hacl'nic\i'ers. YCJ.~I wi,U dlscever hllw you em use NLP to accelerat yartiil:' a:b:iilHy~o Jearn anv in you warn. Tbis wicit:([ range of N:lP a:ppliciUimJis is sOH1e~imllie8 a difl'ic:uU ICOIil:~ c:epl or somepeople 'LCl ~mder$ti.tnd. They ask "How C-aD we applly the same methods [OUl.ge frighl •. neg,oti.ation. guiH:.?lf~es.teem. st.rategl€ p~.ani1l]ng, motivation, allergie r-esponses. and blu'nan ex-

of

.2:6
.tt

p CHAPTER

celleace .It \ or in the me way [hal. e.[e;c't!'icity pawer <I vatiiety 'Ihings]lk olli,j:u.u rs, n Jephones, a:l1Q' D player, E1ectricity i~ bas ie to <1:11 thern, V' 'lth any human aC'Compl ish rnent, vour bra:i~ i of basic t01 tII]1 them. NU? i a:llbeuuin,g of edze of hUl1;an, develeprnent loeca.llll'e ~It'~eache . lh:e fUJ:'i~ilmemai.s of how ycn:!!"" braill W'O:I'k:s. iR!egamiess of tlIe ~:i:[lIaljoH, NLP' ~QOW, you how :yoo CaJ1EI, db more, have more. t1i[l[d:Ile 11WiJIiI:!. 'fio, e:nh,all'lCieand deepen yom Je~i1a end ehange, iWII each ehapter "vou wi]] fi.l~.d mental le.u:rci es, wha~, Albert EjJl~te~'tll ItaUedl s "'thought experiments, • lha'~win he~p yau to, master spec~Ac;tech:~iques. -rhe.seexlercises, have wOifted for ]]'l,firr8iJ]y f11imon:s of people, TI~.,ey call Work fior you, 'UiClO,pfrO,vided you aa~aUy use lhe'!l.\Ve .knOiVI.1 beU,et 'lIUIJI~1 ,fl'UilY0rlie Itl1ial w'e: live to ru1. @ge of illlbrmanon 'i:]\I'efito.ad. Sollie ptmp;]e :11it<iy be i!:em!prsd~ol jU&t read through d\te exercise S [0 see ifrhey iU\~ :ifit~['l:s'li,n~. This ~ ,j;} e(locl st~rt, but you'll need 10 <tCu.w.uy de [n, m if you WfijU rhe re !.Ills. NLfl is a kind ,of e:xpe~ie.nc,e, how YOt}do wb,a!t, ou dOl thaJm~kles tl"le difierenoe. So when you dl;jl ~ne ~ e ~eid , S, be de:bbe'r.!l:le~ a-tu;nLl?l,i·e. ~m~~1rrtOiIlO'Ui~h. Sd,ect. atin:re ~H )lour d......wh n you kno _ youwiiJ be ~bl,e',1'0 devote the time you need and all . OUf' COllcC'ntr,ation. )\'('Ju-. ;;Illy imagine dJe spec.irfi ·ihJl.Uions; \.v~ sugge L nd [O]IDW U];edirections cOllJeftiHy, Moslt I)ft[je time, these "m.em::a] e.:~:er,cis~."" (;lilly i!:ailoJ:;e~ento twenty rmlJil.UI'e,,, You m.ay find it Itclpful~o bave a friend r~ad an exercise to ),(llilill urder to guide youmtough i[,~, y "'1;1 ~aH a~hievle.its rnaximnsn results, And 'D:emember, [ile..s'are nm QfiJ;:~'fime:-olij]y workolluS. '[ifle more you wanl [0 benefn ftorn thb. beJ'ok, U'lie more ~:mpOl1;a1llil il ;is to ·appl.y these techaiques im t!1J.e momems of Y0l.l!'t' daily l'ife,
Q

two

What IsNLP?
At jll'S!,. NLP ,r;!i~~l thor~gJjl t
PlOl'l1

.w'e-,rflfa lik~ til IJw~'erll"lg sJafle~; (Jf it, !U' n ~ m_>, ·r,t,r!o,~'l'. p'r(tjtJu1fd.rna .l'riI.1Pi:

NLP

lCJyiitl. Irw·I~I.v"1hy for jl,d. tiult J flail'/! ~o .i:ded h'ow J e~'!U ~ived wilbUl~r.

it i$ like

ry.

III

-U- '{ScHMIDr B'R

NiP C~{meh4:1i.nl;e

Tmi_PM'1"

W"tru.at Is NLP?
NLp·, the s,ttldy of humsn exeellence. ,-UPl::;, 'l[leabHi.ty t.OI 'b\! your best more ollen.
Nl-P ~stbe powerfu~iIIIfi.G! pm. tical apP:W'~Chl,CI'per {li]a~, hange. c NLP] the newE'~ehrlQ~ogy of ach ieveme lit NLP' is, theacronym for N~U[o~Ling,I!I1.~5tic Pf,ogl'aJIamrng, This, h:i,gJh,-teeh..,gouncl,~j]g 1i1I~.meis lJU!Ife]Y ,desC"ripliv,- like eross-eainer shoes, a ~cnld~,n;], I'etrje:ver. or ~ classic .con\:ertib Ie cO:L1I:l~. Neuro ~ . ~ :refl!r5 to nur nerveus sys.fen1J; the n100tal rathwa~' o~ our five senses by which we see. hear, fee.ll, UlsI,e, and smell. Ling-ui s'li' refers to @~r ahmty '[0 !J.[S!ean.guage iilnij bo!,1,' specific. \. oro, and phrases J miITo our menta~ wodds. Linguisli also rd'er', IIiQ '1jJir "Ucfulan,gaa,ge" of po 'WIles,. gl' snrre ',. and hab:i" lbatrevell~ our I:hmk~.\lg
,

n~-,

wm

sry[,e:s:.,bcli.efs, and more. IPmgnnnm:ing' hOlltUW'OO from. compu~e:r science, [0 su.ggest dmt (lUI; d:Ulll hts" fI'diflgS. and e'elion- rue inl,p]y hahitusl programs rbat can be ch:i:lffiged by upgr ding (IUf •• me:llital 8oft"~Me."

Learnlng to Model ExceUence:

Ttl !lI'et :t:! bc;tter UJll,de'lii~1ffidlng of how N!lLf:Jdps us mod~l bub maa exeellenc " le:fsi ]ook;at the beg~MniITgof modem ~,k.:iing. _ ntil

N
mos.t people dlOUght ski.in,g w<tsm.u$t]y 11 matter of ilJal~ I:md, tai,e:I'l~. You st.l"<f(ppee1i ~[jillf pail: Of s.lIds. and weir,e. told ]lOil t(O ~n ail']Qw th,em[o - c:ross ('Jver leadi!l other ,1Iud te foUow Lihemore ex '"pe,.. --_ - - ,,' de.:lThQedsk i~ d~:w:~ the ~~ope. d.GU~g W'h1l~e'Ve:r he or she did.rn f yot1] managed this w ith~~t too ~:W]lJy lumblesP'r broken honefi and happet]~d[O I~e the ex:per.iemJ;~. :yolJ woefe cOf!g~clie:red a goad ,c<lndjd,[J~'e :for skiing. pOSsibly even ~. ]1!l!:turru. Theil sQme[hiIlg~Ul!ppe['h~.ijlhat cnmp ]el!:dy cl'ia!'lged th] S 'W;;i!¥ of tili:I]lWg" Asprofessor Edw,aro 'f. Ha;~li.li!t.'l~ho:r Th.(f SUem L-anof t;:~a$'(!" I ~Oi~~:s,~6r-lmm bJa~k~a~d~'wh~(e~lfll~ were made: I~f severa~ skiUe;d, sklers ~IDIthe A~ps. ~ese~n:he:ro ~w,died the fi.llms fra!lW by frflffie: and di virded. the smoo,th illollofl8 of skiing i~~~'\1ilihal they t:heI950s,
-,

W.H.AI

'IS

NLJ??

.-

~a;v,emest lik:e~y~eamited 'IDg 'talkwo' l:iilmldf Ii!S~!]'~ s4101il.g 11!ell;,;l!tive la'l1ig:llJJ<lge. A ~lb(m.gl:i!moLiVllLtyid. rhe price ls ~m. rrhe bad feel i~~s lh~( U]ose ]le~lti.V'e w{Jirds sUm~.~ale:. Tbro1lgh NLf. he ]~wm_5, to ,c:l'lan~eM~S; internal be-bllN:i.or aad pll~in its place the ~:lIl1JF.lekll1d off posit.] ve mJ(}HvaJiions.<un:ad goo.jj~e~~ings' Ll\a:t ~mstandi!i[g ~tiW:etcs ,~i!I1I,d cre~ti.veiIllv~flro["~ USJfl;,

A bl~siJle5S e'K~cutiye,is, d®e:r1y djvude<d on aa ill~~odant de.e:islo.:lD!.

fee[]ng conOl~(ll.ld W;1)(i ull.Qerla.in of his s:~iH8. US! ng NLR to assls;[ hi:m ~FIcful~Milgillg the-way he fj}1:OOl::s. the :sm1.':lemClltta] ]]'I!6throd] ~SlM by ,e;ffec[ivie deeislon W1I1!U.effi"he :re:SPQimlsmWlocflmore pDSjUV,eJy .. Be~@.rehe migllu hillV~[bouJ!l~l. • 'Sb.ol1~.dm .dQUli:s? Frnnet sure, DQn'~ blow it; d.on"t mis.saJ]olilre'j .oprQI.r:l:llmlllity" NClw1've ~:sks him" ~e.[fusefm.i:[lIlor.matio[j.- ga(be.:rjng:!:l~esho[!j.s Ltra[ l~d ttl efft\Cl]~e dee i'si ®Ill .ll:Iillking ~~~I~]1I1p[{)ved per~i:ml1<1I:1i(:e. Q'l.!es~ioin1J!ISIJ.c~ a.s: "'Wh.iU do m need lO know in e~ef' to ~1IliI!<tk:e ti~ de~~s<iCl[l?" or • ~W~l;~Ea[\e'the ~jorOOfle~,tll. .fl]l:d ]]!QW 91ln I qu~W!!i·fy thelWl'r"

ro

ealted "isolates,"
s,kUIilg lh~~
WJ.1i.y,

orthe sm~]]est unlts of beh.a:vi®']:, Leok!l1g IU

Il.~'Y found U'ta:tt~v,e:f! tllou~h t~

lates ww:~ lal!glu~~) I:Iv.e:rage; ,(lTIdbegimwhlg St;i.e'fS, U'ley b'IDTledj,iI~dy lmr.r'(fved. Ev.;;ryoIl.e eould im,~~rolil'ctheir stiifJIg by J.iilug W~~U :good ~kteJS: didfl.3llW!lIUy. TMe key Wall ~~ide~EiffyUl~ e&seID.~'~ their QJ skiUs > '~he :i.so'~8i~e' m:(live:m.e:lIt:s't]'!at m.lde l'igre~t s~l~:i ,gr~a't. $'0 n':l~l urh""lrs ol,)'~lidIC.fA lh.~m,tQo. In NL!P>!;h:(l,tes8t:]l.~~ is. c~ned.~. .pd.~L m W.hen [~~S S3:n1:e pil'ln:ci],]e 1.5appUed wilb NbP. h is e'X~:endied(0 e.v~:l"y pan of a pe[.50]1l· S e:xperie!lC'c, You mi.::;:ln WlI:Fd 'to im'1wil)v~ y.cJ'lU: fel,alionsh~ps, or~~lm]l1ia:le: all !mXie:ly., ·i3f bll:ocrme more ,eGm[le!lhivei:n ~Jtem~~t.pl;w:)e. The k~y movemerus arc not fou:i1:d ]iil ru~~ . sI 'Ik.' " .~ 'Ih. ]"k. .~I· • :m~l eies, ulH ~til yOl'l],l1IJ1J~ t~1!Oug~]lS,1 e wcres, ,gr p~CW:r'M. or r:~e:~m~s, er e:ve;ii1ll[peht.1~s"illn evetry area, Nlf"ern {])nz: srudyillig nfft:l;~'s gl!elll aei:l:l.ev,ers to d.if>c(lv,~r tlb:e,i:r[{.1[l1u1J~as OJ[ success, provkJ[Il~ ~ f ulti&]~e W<lj' tn le11.c~ j'(J![i bow '~o do tbe same 1~.I:img~~~J. a(;,u.li~lAlly fbUow I[Jie -m.ode! uf ~:h€ls.ewho n<fl:'V'es~Cloeed,oo in S,p~l'e of the S,iilmeJ p.[\~IMews1J[ld ch:.i.I.len.gesl y.cm ;[~leee:Very day, The fuUowirn,ger.'!.:~m]., .. p~es wiU show you ho",v mode,~j:iJlg '!;'I,ii~h NLP ~atlmate a fm-ern,1e<ridQ:YS diffe,[eh.DtJ, IJf.JrI.gine p.are~l. who often: ye1h1 .U. hiS[l[[ her child, '~yi[lg to' B~ ~.fue,ti.I1'The llfu~\lcb]'~.d bet'omes :tll1,'lduh., he n:liI)1 l:l,llVIe: ;u~e:m,lIl.iZied this powerful aud negative fow1i @f ml[Dtiv.~tiof.il. .mdf will
,11.

Ii~.f~~[ent s~y ]tls ttIDey lJ.!',e:l\e: usj'l'llg tl']e< same iselates.

~kiers had. very

When OJ:es'e
iSQ~

A suc~es!ifll.la:[hlew

d~c;iJ,e8

to~om~1Ie,in.

<I

new sport. While

8~~

pi ~yedilal:i.u]tr as, ai. I~Q"I!t;ge sluden,t. she hasn'~ ~!l'a:ctiGeE! 'i'lllye.~:rs.; To l1ei!!tly he§"3e]f, sle:!lle:n:JJt<il:,]y f,e:ex~"ielli(l[e:s ~ft Mpm~'lWls of ~ p~fifOJ:fIj1:1II]OO ill ~1ier S!J!,cce:s.ftd S,l1ifL A~ sffil;e fee~s the fodlJlS and s e]])e:rg:y OF ;~bos:e rnomeuts" sl:a.e.imagwe3 '~i'r~l.y~:i:lg litem in ,ner new elJi:df<fiv.o,r. $ihepl1:ysicaUy ,p.r.K:wk:esme [lew spfl:l'fs reunnes .,),mll me:fllmU~ l'ehe<"lcSesall fhe fund ameatal s, At heir 11:r&[ev,~;mt, :SPOIil:c8 o(JOO]"lf3;I[(a!toI.Sllfeamaz.edi ~[ld 'lli.ll ;,tl]:oul ~e;r natural tal eat, S:llei s glad ij'fuiehas worked ~liij)d al1ld sm .• l" u EV'erylJl!lJi~g ~acb of these :W,di.v~H[I;tlsdjd 'WaE. the plIT)d~Cl ,of their me:ll'Jjh:l~ lllJlbitS. AI ~ 'n.he~hjug'S you' ve .llen!l1l,~d1 t{D me Ilbt) the pr'Oduc~;s of )1e1ur nlen:[\[i.I. h:ahi~:s, Fl10m how you. wake up, 10' ~GW yO!]. ~Q Ilu\l~'lQJi:k:,t%1 il'J,OiW you WQdt" 'w,J what kil:iid of 1ei'~lJll'e, you ~,ll.e.: YOll are a ereamre ('if h,;;(b']~. a person ~i,rilJh!p«U:ems. A]! !;;If ~:sare, Wl~;u 11';yom :~a'l\!'Qrlle, f0od.1V~'h['l:[ route ijQI you U:SHa:ny[a~e h(m];e~'Wh~ Y[)il] dl1ess inthe 'm{l!ming, do you pttl on the lOp haU <of yO~M~!C~©!I ire~ b~folle, It:n1ebaLtO]'@!half o:t:\ii~ versa? ~n fll.d,ULill.\1crcsh!i psych~:~Qgy

<~g

mO:li'l.l1'lt;e~]~~.

L
ride, B..cingunl:be

W[i.T]$

NLP?

31

tum '..have found II1Iat human beha'l.'tmis alm.osilcomp1"tely habits. The&e habits ICl1i patterns <Ire vCr}lusefllL [1'1 addltiQI1 [0 ,allo'wil'lg 'U-:S '1.0do 0 many things w~thOllt ha;ving to til ink about ill]' m, mey also form the tla j of ,c:reating new behavion and mcogliiring I!DY~II!a! si tuadons, The dra w'~a~k~bet:om ' a]?~a:wntwhen w~mt 'lo change them, he :man;wjfh a negati.ve veic for ,iI !llQhVali,[l>Ili st~ateg. [hollIgh~ it was ~amr<l~and appl1®ptf]ate because he,. was ba'bi'l.lllilled te U"lie didn't know anyElIiI!g else wa, ven possible. The eX!e. UtE,C

around, Is iii ing yourself

ride, feel.~ng it moving you very dHlerent ex.petiience 'from im2lgi.ning yVlJ're watcbamusement-par
'111

t1:1at.• true amusemeru-parl

ride iil ~he d,i:stam;e.

we

kl]e'w hils st(al'tleg3t wasn't ut',efll]] ill cenain 'iU}Oi!!tiol'D.s. P1U d~dDl':!, know how to go, .about ,changJJ]lg ~L The young athlete knew slle needed to elilg<lgeher pn!; iou& habi(s to he lp ~ler deve]op new emes, SheJrnew if she v]v]d~y ima:ged iHIVirug anew haDl't, hc'w brain W~)ll]d naluC!llly beg~l'lto [na~e the mental and physical :palbways. With NLP'" you can change yml'r tit!OUgl;it8,. [-eeBng·,.and beh~\r= Ic !ll" J;!!ud add new one ther ill become j us~:3J vstematic and regu[gr as the 'old l'lIies-and ,ij kat more: eIljQyabk~.

'Tbese two e difi6erenl perspe 1["\1'" ~\ve different mefi.ltlJl ri!Jlctt:wes,. Btlmg '~1J1 the amesement-park tid is, engag~~~g and ex:llilJ~ whal NLP alls • ass elated. " W.atcbing the ride at 1II dis•. '~;anC{:is iC~lming Md det~l:u~d, Whld. '" LP' CIIUS 'dissociated; You'Il di.~~ov'erthrough tlli . nok that every experience e have 11.11.5 thee ,and many other specifie expel~ielITlt!i~l[ srructnres, Discovering
j'

GeUwn.g Started: Some Quick and Simple Changes Using

these dUfel.',em;;eii'I'Idputting them to use U~fllndame'i'im] te . Lf. ~f . ):ou w,a:~t to get le-:ci'i!,ed .abOUiL ometi1'lng, ~'ou'n need '10 . et ln'!,l1"O],\,oo. bot1l ~)hysicarumy ~~ld mellJlian~. hy fiteppung ,~'nl(} (btl experienee, ass:o~j<1!ting inh:l ~t.. \:. lih NLP you can leam how [0 do tht pret:iseJy w;here and when you W3rlll ro. O:nThhe othe:r hand, all of Ill, t aJ~oll;al'i,~eexperiences in our live mhtlil some ob~~c'ui\!ily .me men'La[ :distaJlC'e, would be ca1ro.iro,g and '{elY belpfl.ll,.By tepping oul of U1ie~e experiences, a~d ou~ of~e lmense fed]ngs, i~he)' lJI' up, we' c. n c~Hy become tilo.re re oarceful find crealiv'eiu deal ifig' with Ul~HI, Bd~g ~bil.e to de~ibe:f,aM.;~1 use the Sf: mental ,. ~ y strue UJlN' . ef
experleuce" i one 0. the: goals of this bQ!;Ik. COBsiti'erl.his for . rncmenr. If you wereable to c'hoo'e 1:0 be associated ]n [de aj] the wOImie:rful,expe.r11ent!es YOILl"ite had ln li$e, and YOli were-also able to distance yourself to dil)oso and g'!::t ouwideof aU unph~a·.~nl e;xpelitm,~s ofyeur ~~]fe.yD'~' w~~d have the fee~irigr:; o.f~]] your po:sid' e eperi,em;es and .\ pe.rsp·' uve on your mistakes, , onsider 'willr:Ua dlfference th is,wo~dd mab in fliTe ijual ii)i' of ]Mtuf ]jJe. If y(l,~ realize ho. pm erful and pcsitiv '[hj, coutd be', you're bg:inuing 10 sense what LP bas to. offe!.:. "or t])is next tho1JlIgllt experimenr, start ~1y~:a.l;d~g mnin!L.Iteor two ,ill to cl arr y' mr mil1d ,@f your ,currenl ceacerns. Do th.is by , impl .. Sie:a1i[Uirigyour b~d)' for 're]<lxlIdofi. ohc~ aln)'fue'r1se ~rea:s. and either relax (hem 'i)II'fin,[~ense them even more. and then allow them to relax, Now ,think ofa verypleasaa! t:~r.h;m;oc pecmc ami, njoyable Hme ~n YOUE nfe sOI.u~'thilhlg !l'ou'd really en"'ny thinJdng about

LP'

NBIP' exercises are ]ike: rhouglu experiments, me~]tal ex,eTcises, or Il! glin'ne. Thel.aborat.()ry or pJ.a.yiiuqlJeld ]s ill your ]n1nd. Think of them a· a chance to l'fY OUIt s.ome;ti1iI1g ~!ejw.to do tbil1gs ;in !if ~ew ,!,',ay,!l_l'ldhsve some fun. Here are , OI~,!e• ,i:mp[e xereises 110gtve you an ]dea. 'ijf how this works,
Have you e\r,er :ridd"tl
011

w~t-

o~-

r~llIer

cnasser

or some

odteT

amucmeou-patlk lride? nlk a moment an~ remember a ' pedt1c ride. Then imagine that you 11_ sse ing ~h'i. ride fmsn a eooid.eia..bh~' .
distance, :perhaps . iUing on a perk 'bendl.\V:atchi[:lg from here, Y'QU can •.'C~ yourself CiI\1erhere on the rsde, N otiee how :tOll feel a y(~U t wstch • 'OUI: elf from 11:l:I~S disHunpoinl of 'View. Ned, step into. our eat OJill~he: ride" SQ thalt ;yOU can flee] you r ha~d,'i:'O:~ Ir:h~gll~cdraii in front of ,you, A ' you l.ook down dl!o: trac ee the scenery f:1 a ·Idil;g l:Jy! f~e:[ the n nling U101lon 01 lh~ ride" 3IJ:td hea~f the eund of 'the scream around you •. No~ice btl> Y,Ql!feel as you reexperien Ike
I., •

fright mow. Once you get a sredfu::: and enjQy8lbk merrfloryin

YOLrr

32

P'
ju~l
31.

. LP''?
()up]e pf the b L elern -fit. of P that
C II

m.i.tlJd', eve, notice ho~ you f l. Thea allow that X]) rienee te I !)ve'l.osJ;:lI to Y011., and b' Oilit larger and brighter and mnre richly

make a differ-

colo ful, Now notice your ree[~ngs. again, Have d1iey changed iii 8(OJIle W<lY, pe1i'hap,~ geUinL~ tronger'1'ow ~110\!.1 t~a:~.S01me experieJ1O~ (0 move [a:uther ;;!¥!IIiI:i([tlo'm ,.01:11±"~ your mi[l[j's ere. glllurifig smal I r, :slbejebie:r. and dimmer I.J nt iI it h. '.orne di stance awmy. ~boU'~ '~be.\! lze of <lL p{lsta,ge . ,t•• mp, Netice your feelings [lUW. When you' V" completed this. allow your experiencetn return (O it od~tnal characteristic ,

ence for you. Some people pause !aU [his p1,jl;'I'It. saying, "I dmli'tvi'ualize ~]U 'that weB. Will Ibe able to use '. U'T' TI1:ea.nswer is yes, Nt:P U$es an .of oUI6ve s.t;]"!$es:ight. ["eating. $eeHng .. tllsh:., and snteU. NLJ? '
cesell;icl~ .discQyered more than a de<;:21{],e ago that 000:;;1 Oip]e hllvt; p de-\'e~oped ORe of their Jive sens; s l:l!lCi:retll~ulthe owen. For 'ii xarnpIe.. maybe you;'\i'~ .th. ay ]o\i'edlO dra\\' or take p<iloioll ~r "~I!J;~ge bea:u'fi.fili things. If o, t~lef!'!1Ulking mental pictures ,and vlsll!Ung ~]'jj your im1ligl.lt<ltkl'ID! roil'libl:l" p cmes easil: to you. Or I:nayb" Y9U love books and W(l;rdis(t[ld Coon ar ation or mnsie, and ar mere W;[!s~~i\i'emwh<~t people say and '1110 (Ones off voice lll:ley use. If so, l1itl:::n hearrn.g with yop:. mind' ~ ear, instead of eye ..ijijp ob{l!blymore natural ~~()ii">,O,l1t.NallJJal l<litl~lel~s are u~wall,y ~i'JiO're[i:o:u:ly ,Elware of ,

Wbat happen 'g[ most pe'O]JI - i thal their pleasalu "lings become noticeably stronger .' thal -xpecience ceme: dOL hecorne me:as1iJimbJy weaker when it mo;ves. fartherawav .. How and whyuhis. wdrts, is, fundamental '~O' N P, and we' n ex.ph~]~ h, iiii defai!] in the c~,apLen to COme. Rigl1:t !'lOW ,we'd like ta, ~nake ,3 s-~d,~c piim.,Mos[ pe;[)ple have m!v~r [magifi~d tbey could cbange '!'he way t~eythiIlk and ~~l about thing easily., especially by ~such a s~lmple" process :as changing the chrU-aC'loe.rislic. Qfm~.kmefit.tI. picture . They can imazine cilillging thei.r ,clotbes, their Cal\ ell'elll, their J b nd tbe dti.es, the j.iy,e in.bUl mo.t l1al ;11 ver even considered line)' could deliberan [ change their m' nds, If ynn want it~ fed your positive memeric more inten.sdy ,.YQl.!cafl.jmply move them cleser to YOll ~ril YOlJ.r rrdnd' eye. If yOil:l want dil ,ltul [ rnemrntes w haveless ~nle;['!'ity, yo~, C;:<l11ljust ~lJ10Ve' ~ilIDem ~fartl:ne:rlit way frem yQu. "{,OOU Can do, me arne thing with e!i.fery ,aR:lJecl: of }',(nur lite. If you have It oligoing problem, you have the ,ability to lnea:l't.aUy move n farther a way frO'rrl you. From a diISlatl~ce.YOIl! 've gO( more meuta] '·bre tl:ii.ng room. ,., You' an. relax and think ,about it wi,th a dearer mind from this-new p rsJ)e rive. Almost all of us can think of ll10re and b ~Iter :oJution ' \. ;ith n utral feel itlg than we can when we feel ttapped and pres ured, On the positive ide, jf you see w1f]f]6rhjog you Want to gain in life, then yo'u can brmg the im..~~e closer to you to ma~beit a mp1ro v] vidand aompe I~ part or your! ife. Almo t liiU ~ng vfs'~ml~za.tiQnrec~niquerepea~f;d.]y S:Wf:s.sHie importanoe of lkl~phllg s ~o;u~tdrealm,s ruld! gOlflb in mind, With NlP. yuu will :hlllve dll;) . kills ~'O dOl this quickly and easily, And theSie' are .oldy tw cample.
~I

.rna

their n;tO{\'¢[;In:en,w ,arJrdthe f:ee1]ngs in tLIeirltlu$iC,les ,iI ilie:y move: Maybe you get smmg feeling about, .paop~el, when you enter ~ room.
.be e are :indicati,o!ll. that you;!:' emotional :feeHI'I."g:ense
1

.J,S

more

d 'Vdo:ped th,alJilYour Qther emes. .. ~ . As you e~d. thi bool!:~,you Illa1)o'notice IIll 1, d!fterent exetCISies emphadze different senses, Tht iis de:Uoo.wEe on Oli!IJ." pan. Fi:[s~j be eaus e difi.lererirt people wlth differel1Ely dlev:dQped sem 'eg, ar'elieading this

book" a;rlidwe want to offer

sQime.thingLbat

.,'feels natural'

far each :5'iy.le of ,tI:t1~g and. ~ndersuu\dh'ilg. Second, bec{liu~eif ' hnporWnit rhllu you k~MD to [tppre~iale; .md d,e'lm~J.[np ~~l~b of 110ur s,e~e , so tl1iat)Iou have acee s to all of your: ., ill ner eesources' ~ even more, - So , Let' zere in on ~.allguage corneratone ':[ NeJlwo~LUl~~~ttC' P:rogr mming and the one tha .•U e.l yeur seuse of beermg. In almo t any conversation, you will bear people ay things. U1i;;e,. "Don' t
j

You've lem-nedjust

HI'O

w,(zys your brain ",!;odes ~ yom e.pe:rim'lc 5.,

worr ,. or "0'01] "t think ~boU:1 ~t.' Stop and en ider thi , a mornent, If you wen: told, • Don't thinl!c .abm.u th~lt Dig M(~t:k bear," wh,a;uinun:e&au~~.y happensin )fOUr n')~1ITld?'IreU, de pi.tewltia:l yCl~ \ he!llld. Y{lUlind YO!.ll'self t11iMlking abijula big black bear .. 'he g~X1!le' kipd of tl~ing ha:p:lle~15 when :!I!0u areto:ld. "D(.In~'l thh'!~ ,~OUE ~t'ilrr~ pJloblem.'· OU!' brains S~liiilp:ty don'lt knaw how to put things urto negati.ve ~WI!!!Ufig·. Jj'l, urd~l to know what Il.Orlfl think 0[, our bmi:l1s hlilve 10 1]: t think ().f it.
l'

34

WHA. T

n of us know man ge and parentswtl(ll., ialrying: Ito be be]p~id, te]] us orothe whal, nG' '1:0 de, Wbal Ehey 811:'" 1J;!TII.k:n:luwillgJ,y dQii~g i.'!i "fll'lding our auemlon in exactly the direction :rhey didn't want us to gOo. Just fe\'" ~ ample include: "Don't \ au)' abeutthat
die-riC II temper ." "'Don' [ PHIt' ." "'m d(m' l 'thiru.:: you're dumb." and "Don't even tl'rlfik ,rrb,om b iHg lai,d eff'." sing negative IangU<I;g]eis a~IilO s!ollleU1j~.g most o.l~ us do (0 eurse lves, We llaJy. •• A won'~ [bink about ~It." ~ild We do. Other e amp,Jes most of us are faro.i.lim:- with include: "1 w~:m'l ~o dUll a:g:a]!tt,'" ··.Don't m,akie me mad," alnd "Don't ,eii:l'S,weetsbe~Qrebcd)tim e, ,.. justte name III ~~W. W,e lend to ~]l1ik o what we don ' ot wam '10 do, and t1Ih.en often
proceed
l

Jew Principles of Mind

po is based on. '~ri.ncip]~s that HIe very diffe~nl f.m~, ~diti~rla] ps)'cti(ll~g." W~lle .~~'!_ tional clinical piSyC'ho~o&y I~ pnmanft y concerned w~tl1_ deSiCnlnneg dUficuhi.es categori i'ng them, fld :seillr.cbID~for hislO. K~I .auses. - U?' is ~lIteres~e:cIn .i'iluw om t!1:ougMs. actions, and feelings 1I'I o:rlk; i wgetber right noW WI produre OUT, eApedet~'c~. FO~[Ii;kd on, VI1®de.l1~ sciences of bi{)~~gy.lin,l;uist~c$, andinfonnaucn, lP_ 00gnr .dill new principles of how the mi.ndtbrain work~., T~~P~
I

By n w.i r's p JbaMy clear Ijhial

m:

h:.I

do it,

The VrogJ-amnnng plm'l of Neuro-Ljflgllislit: ProgratiWlj~ " mean, ithat w.e can C'bamge OilJf' thooghts. ,0'.1"pwogrrl1riS f~o<n:lWll,a:tt liThey ~ to whar \0 watm them to be, In the case 0 n~gat:ive laTlgu,a~~.WI~ can take our neg.atJfv,e-thoughts and st.aoo ~bellil il:l.' the positi ve, IH tg:ad pC ~ay.ing \. h ! \~iedo~~·lwant. W can '<;Iywh<lt INe dQ want Try ]~. Think (If an sgative statement YQI"fv :b:-e;l:Ji rnaklng to you ~f.<and. ell,p~ritnen~ wi tb~lIlrn]]Th~it:~ ~ posl~i.vt: ene. r-1ght nO'w. 1m,wiul of !'!i(0 leHw,g your elf . 'not [0 'I,IIl'OI1Y," for intance, try tdling you -elf t,o ·<i1!eaJJc.:rl [0 OppGi1!l.ilJitie: _., Or "How G~I'I. t b,e.~~.pr'eJl@.N fm l(till,S J challenge?" Or "Muw would I ~~e 'I feel?" l'hi. not only feels better, l~ aotw<tUy reorients your brain and rre:paJiec<; Y0I.IIO achieve mere of Wh"ail ylO1J 'w:<m:t. byfoc:~ ~ng on tlii.epOiS'j[i thrngs ~rouwant v~
I

p:ti(lctpl~.s or a,s;SllU11pti:pn' ealled the ~p PF:s.a)p~osmo[lj~.~ we could stl~dze ~U me NlP Pres.uppos]tkm.s LIl one pIIra::e, ]t would be: .'eOlpie wor.kpededt. Our specific [hol:tlg,hts,!LhO~S, ,tn1I.d :[eeilingS cons is'~e.[J~1 pflomuce: s,:ped;~(; .f'GS~U;S. We [wlJay b~ y h~IPP' 'w unhliilppy \\r:ifI) these re rults, b'~Mt if we rep 01.[ uie s~~e lb~ughts.. adi~ln '. am! fGie.Ul1s we' U ~.~ ll1: 5arne resu ln Ihe g pliO, es works perredly. ~f we want to chang, oa results, Ithell.we need to' change the tl:lOlIgbts. actions and Ieeltnes lh<litgo mto producmg them. OlIce, w,~ und,er~tatl~ ~e"d:fi'~,'~]~Y ~l~ ereate ho~ and Jil."liaill:tainQUI:'mneI thought. and l~ehi1g " ~t 15 .a'LlJlp[,,; mauel[
+

fur us to change tl:t~~ulu more usefu! eue: or U' w~ uld bener enes, 'mOl teach IihCl'ili tlOI oihe '. The ..,l_P' Pr uP[J{)'ihoBS are the ~01il!]:daHQIIJifor doing jus'l. lhat.

happen. rnfYQI~jl! ~,.:Jlpp']yrI'l,~t~u,e-e4~kk i1tld simple LP'(:onceplS,~]lJJUI~ sectk n alon " )'QU win kno ,(IU can lI"1! NLP to hiring more pashive and uecessfu I. behaviors into your li ;e'.. f~rsl~.ma~,1i:l' I'Uityuu \ b awn to do and what you thin! !l.IilOlU into a Itos,ith~,e g,t.l mem. SecoD d, increas - the menial v i ~dl1 'lo; '0f wliurl YOl] "ant I do in ~wer to hIDc-n~ase 1["<IUractj\(ene' for you, Ami third, essociete huo 4 ll1eH:': Sill: .• -'fil~b :havi. !,S, nd ilbiUa])y rehearse them. so they feel natural. This ste~-by-4"'tef progr,am ,apptOi'l:l:Gh lilsa hlll.l1fn.Mik o[ -nu?'. A ,[Ira tical ,approach '~OI cbal1g,~ NLIJ i. III how-to l-cb1'1lology fOl' p.er.OIDJa:1lllr(m~mmati.o1lli.

Our mental maps oBltc 'i erld <lin:not the world. _ e rsspond [0' ,our mtlps; 1f~llJthet t,mlll1 d:~~[ec ~(} the wodd. MelIililal, maps, t1y ,e.spedaUy fc.eling mdinrelCpret uons, can be updaled more easily than dle world can bee hanged. • Experi.cnce bas :iiI strm:iul!''Cl.. .01.1 tl.loilt'!!,ht and m.emo ies have apanern to them. When we C~fn(g~' t~lI!t panem (11" trudu'[e. !(lUI' exper±eue;ew il~ ~J!.rl(]"

Thlllmf~p' is g6'~~b.e Wt'fUQ!Ii'Y·

'.

p
roadcaUy change "'h: can neurrallze unpleasant memories
and enrich memeries that will serve us. dOl sOfi1.eth.i.ng, a.nyone

WHAT

r s NLP?

37

posmv purpose inns orig~nru Silu;JLtOIDi- Y;eJli:lits in order ' 0' be acknowiedged. ~ itting T,ofend oW danser. Hiding '1:0 feel
safe. Rathel" than CQfldion:i:IJI.g Of coneemaing dle e actions, we can sep.3IOll,e.iliem f[lQmtJb.e pe:rMIDI' positive iruent, sa tIla:t new. upd<'lted.. 1100 OTI.~]\;pO~,iluv,e choi,ces e8lX1. b~ lLdde;t;i , 't"hart: meet the same intent. PeO'p.~ are ahHI:.Y': nUl.ldlig, Ithe be:.st ichoice(s) 3't',ajtabte to

.. I:f ~me ,ernon can

leall learn 1,0 d4~ U. We' esn ]eam,:.li[:l achiever' nleU'l~E~m_ap a~d make it '1l)IM QWI'L 'f,~o u'l!mny people thi~~.k certain til in~~ are im~:miSsjb~e 'W:U~hCli!J]~ ever going tlUl1lnd trying t~~n]. Pretend tru:lt eve~thing: is p ~. nile. 'v!'''hen there is, .3. physicaJ or environne n't~I:1limir, the orld 0:( experience will let YO'I;).now ,I bout it.
The Blind i,"d bod",' ~uiepa.r't~, of t!bf' same s)'tJem. Our thougbts inst<lmly .affe_1 our mu d tension, b[l:hiflg,
feelings.cand more,
BI!11.d

'ii'

lhoelP.

,j

these

in 1..'1111:[1 affe t our thoughts,

\\!hen we Jeflli"JIli to cb ange citiu\r one, We have Jeamedtc dMtngt: the ether. .Peo:p.le al:li'eady hav'll aU Ute re <'~m rees 'l'bey n .. d. ~ M.eotrrl hn<ill~e8•. inner voices, SCWiii'l'lions,i}:[Id fee].ungs are 111(;

E·.cry one of us has hts or her wn urni.qu- persoA.[ history. Within :~l,we learned v;,ib,:tn. 10 do and howm do mt"bOIl to want and bow ~O! "nun it. what ttl 'Value. and bow to value it, wi'lJ!u to ].eIWlil,and how t9 learn it, TbJ . QUI experience,

~ml:1l h, we

m1UFi<l

make aU of ourchaices;

dtaJtus. until :new

,j

basic buiMil:lg block

of all our iliLe1ilJta~ p~l~y:sica] reand

ourees, \Ve can use ~henl 'to build up an}1' '1IlOUglu, fleeting, or IciU we want, ;and I[}olenplace wem in our liver wh"fit! we ,,\'a,U Or need them me r. ., 'You Icrumot NOT {')oimrnU[ljcate.,
\V,

~md beU~r ones ar;e,[I,(hled:. If W'baf you aJr,ij d.uing, 'isn ~t 'YI'o'rk~pg,. dOl SioJnC!~hiu:g: '.s~., e Do anyth.liug ,e1-s~. ~fyou always de \v"h.ii1t you'~e llhvays done,. you'll. ,allways get whl'lt YO:Il'y,e aI,way gotten. m.l you "v,ant iiomellting fi!o'l\;,t, do

som.e:lhjng new 'especially when ~heJl~,!l:re 0 iman~1• [Lernati\l'e

I

al;e alway,.. comrnnnicating, ill. least nonverbally, lilIJ\'ld worus are often lhe Ilea, I: important pint. It sigh, i1i srnlle.and

a ]o~k <I11'eal ~'COm,i)'lw]'fl k:.a:!i,an~,',E\'<e:[1 emr t:li;lo1l]gb13 are ~UJCljjjmuni.c:atio];Js, W~U1Jo:ur··dv~~", 'i.]jJ~llhey are revealed LO O!.hl:ln;

our ,eye:~. voiee runes. postu res, and body movements. '. The Q1ltaning of your ,comm'l1nh;atiOPiS the r1f.$pousc >~)iI.!I get., (}lhers recei e wb t ,...~ say and do lhml,]~!]tl1~irm.e'Dw.d m~lp'
~hfOllgh

Il'ome:thil g different from w:I1!ILwe meant. ira c hance for us to, notice t]nd courrnuaication mea what is recei.ved.' eUdng h( nr our ~Dmm1Jln~.ca.th.H1 received allows U:!S~:O <Il{ftj ust it, 0 '[b~t ]i],e1ii.~ is timeit
o the world. Mrn'otneonelleilF,S,
CIUI

bede~. e,'erJ' behavior-is

a

[Jnde'rilJ'ing

-, very fiurlfu I, harmful,

:positiVie inl'!!nbon.
\I

Whell p~{lJ!lLe~ are 1,~a:m]lJl1g :omed!'liFlITlg_ ew, 1:h.ereis,a~ron~. n 'lemptallOlITl ~:o try tomake itmto ~Clnl;e:lbifi:g they all!eady know. If Lf' Wet[lej'~~nil! name fOI:" .s.oJill1elllin_g ebeUuiJlt you alread "f knew, ~[ W()U1]~ be' easy td' expl~in, and Uit!ii'lil would be [[t]t:h:i:[Ig,new '~C know. HClW<"'\ICf. NLr is somelMng :rile':W. ,::I new W a~' of lookin,g ~l:[ '(he human b:w:in and be:havior. NLP ,asks flew ,quc~,tion', which stimnlate [lew answers. NLPtrulh_- with ne_\"rassumptions, wbicb creaje lit""" pfis~b~]itie • ToO'eIIectiJvd.y sludy tlb:flpauem 0' !human exeel1 JiiOO, Ute: LP I?esupp",iholl' or principle are assumed to be U'Y not b~l!au ~ they have been proven! [lUU be.c<lIliSC when Ilhey are held m mind, Lhey ~]Cv,e' t'heir hQ1.deT<l mulCh O'I:eal,er degree of froedom @f .choi~e ~~dO'P[JOl1.'J;.1illit]t,l . rn u th.e ,chaptem tDoom , W~ wiU :~ook :aJi each .(1:( them WIiI oee d.e'~aU anGl,mom depth ,'ow. :~e(' m lcok ,~d'hQw ~pp~ym.,g.i1few of' them can lead to new and pl\ofmmd
way of creating d~aflge.

a nd. even tl:i€!u:gllUess beba

iur had

,il

"

.L

VilMA'

as N L P?

39

ma,1J! ls not Uil~'t~..d~O:FY,. 'fhis pllll'!.Re was c(I]]]ed, bry the PQ~lish~,a.themati lIT! Alt':red ci KQnyb<ski He ae vet" tired of ]loil'lling O:IJttth~Jta. road '!TI~p m resm:llfOOt rneauean heJ~p)fUll m~l:ild you.r way afd~lmd the~pwl'ilf or sete(t~ a, meal, H©lw1ever, tft!i:ey :~l'?i;notlJi fun~kJl:n:U'l(:mtllUy dHf,erem.rrom. the' :rlOm:!you ~,ll~e' or fllile ~EI!lr6e th.1l!t· S b:romligM it~YiOnr ~able:, y ~1iI (:~jl'.see: 'tnj,~p:rind!p1e im<l!cti.oi[JJ ev~wy da,y !i!:\\ people' d:r~'!Ie ro work. MO'flIiliJ:s er perhap~ e'!i'en nlalil,Y ye~:rs ago ea.QfuJ dri~e;r looked O'ii'~rh]s or Jhe:r iStree~r11Japr. tllFied:1l. few dif6e:re:r!Jl!)Cll.des,a:nd s:ett[t:Jd 1011':1 tlle beS,IW"i)! I~:O ge:~ fml~], hi<'!1.'!l1:e' W!iJl;t ~!'ld bS!J::k.. S:iu'OO tijrn.mosl Q:f~Ju~s.e, ~o d:ciV'e:rs,have been d:,.iving Ul!~l S~lneroute every day. 1:111 meanthe time, new 1(;i;)[iJ:Aecnn ia:l1~f~e:(:kF roads have b~ilIl'I(]ded. Unl~g a (];riiVierbas ~alice;llili:e time to up~ci'~eh[s or her ••mental' n],a~, there wi'I~"neo~s~,a.fily fue d~s~l<'e[)a:.~1,'~ie'8 be'[weien this mapand[h~ !e:mtory"
j

'fhe, irg'~. NLP Prlesuppmdtio'nills:'.Fne

[I.ll]:! j~ exerci

s;eYOilil.

,~mks.:mnnto,J

to ch.ange

0.1]'.

This. Wd!:!IIlqllewm;k~ rr:tediurn 1I1tefls~ty.

De$l WLt1l

a:~ IJjflIPI~llJs!1li1tm(Ji~,l~ ,evet1(day :pmblem:ll {)if low to

L, 'Jt;~~~ll:,~I'01I~fe 'f((),fj$'tm Srt!l>ah'~n. .~h:grn,Ibr tJ:a~llkill!goj[ mil eVG!;yd.fLY diftii~l;lhJ1. f'I:Y.1i ~~OIJ.n];]']e, reeall ~ tUil'ili~ tbat ynu W~re

,ff!

dis'appoiirlJl;tldi 9< ernh'll·T[:<l~s,Gd. a t'LOfewhc::n. y~u did[ii'lrl:'>el verry good ~lbQI:lilthi:[I)g6. Pick.<1 s[]edfic ~IfIJ Ileal ~em f~j}m YQ~r [}l'l:S;~. As, YO!!l.~hil'llkqjfthis ~~:cific ~\tt:~nl, r1mipe\vMI ~m:ag~ <l!l1Il~tm!ldlS eom.e to rni~df.lm!l! w·a~(;h:3, movie of!k~s: (;'Il'elllt 1m ~f~~clbe:fm;e l\I'~U:. ,\':Vb.'erl}lOU'IOO d!!][1e.fl(ltice how ytu;l're; fee~~ljig.

2'. Sel~~t Th'611~e JI4us'l,c• Now sc;l:G:t some "thr,;nile n~~ic" thfilt . I'j1lj~.lawhe~ thll~ee]ilJigsYf,)tlgmfmm thal;Mvj,e you j'u:J wfI!d\ecl .. Your :m~~rlJ)[y Is, p[~b\a~ly sericas iJlrndh~i1.'li'Y.81(1 .s.ekc[ somet.hi!'!:g, I]gh~ arid! bQ~li!!I;:Yt M~eqJin;~fs (':IF Carl!()l)fl ml!lJfl:fc. Some peeple
~re(e,r'u~bJ':;.i;~ dance :~mJ:iiic>\",A;'1UleOitftlers li~(~ ove.rly dlra!n.~,mi(\ cl <15-' sical' ot 'Gpem~i:c mll~ic, like th:eWUliatn 'l(tiJ O'~ct,~1tir~lbenlli' tl1!~W[l a'S, d~ thcTilu~ mlltslc f\]:r the old l.Oi!1'~Um"lger n!~io cll'lld te]evisiu~~~iies.

Tliis wn]~, maUer ro~ll1~Qb unU] the day \ O!tk'e>fS, begin road iCOIl~ '1 stwcritln@F) "a~ usu!'!1]m.nJ!~e:l®lwo~. Trl.lifffic win bad up '~'1S'the
d.rivers o[derIH;aIils ~!ie st,arUed (llliJi~ of I[lie~r me:nm] $.I.umb:ef~o dis!(::l©'!{e'flhey h~veonly S! ~~wro.!.u.cs~ and are w]t~fu~Ji~I~ dl:le11~[!()'U;ut a
tlliDie:

w~w

r~ge o:fav:aU~ble ~]{.e:i]J!a;Uv~s. Me..a]ijJwh.i.le. liwt's W.:l:t!:i a ;n.ewe"lC o a!ndmore ,oompl~t~ msp, with wallY J@!II.ues ail'Url a~.ternll,t'iVf$,.have

.~lrle4!dyl~1ken tile prCV]OllJS,eJdt am:d~e O~. the]:!' 'Wa!,Y, MGU'Ie.r way h)a.p:pj'I~ci51lil:;. m.porlt<JllmceGlif F:re:supP(lsiti®'rlI dliei .t~his bi to experience M dlr,iillCUy, Take .1, few minu!('l;s[GI do the next lyxereb:~.R\enl~mlber, :the m(}lie >Glomp~e:~e U;enliionyoi!,l. 'C~ndevote W a U. tb,t; mctJ)e Ul!QrQugh Me (leslJJ]~s. We 'Vie :all bad d];sappohltme:IlJ~.l'l in !ife[h<lt ]<Iter named OUlI net to he U]e "big deal" ¥I'e rheught t~e:ywere <It Ilhe time.. Pea pile ~.ftenl s(JY It:hey • 'c:bf1:]lJged 'I'd'll:! lhll"1:5," bq:lt it W~S~1:'tU':I;e ~engtJh Q'I'l~metl;j,aJ cha:t.tae(! ~'Fle:[n. ft was how tfue:yr~melrolJbered iliJe"Inemao' llli1aJ

3'011h,3.'I1'e sG~cc~ed mUSk:, ;.v@iJJr~~H~kl ,m y~~il:~~i 11], til w<'il~ch yen]fnm)'i,iie <Igll,l[l, H,<lve the mlJlS:~c cO:J:nin[lllJl~pJa¥ing <!!~ I Itfl~ wily 'lhlu~~otlh:e end,
nllv,e. ~.tplmyi:ll:g Ilh::g a:~MI]mxdJ
illl

3. Repe(;j~:Mo~lje !oJ?iih .v.u$i~.WiJ;etl

4. r:/~~'Ct Re~r~l"!¥. orw, rewiad d1L,'l~ [IflJOv!ebi&d ~:o~~(~Ioogi:l:m~[!g. N P~:«y ]twi.[~c!1JJihb:f1JiI;l;Sk and TIohoc ym1.' res~?oll~e~o it tn!'!) time. l Ha.ve Y01J[ i~i.i~.g:s dmffilged1 For lMillly, dt[) ~.l1ci,den:~ i1mas' become
h:Ld!k[~I.!-~uir i:nqfIliI1.ro~~"

_.or

1r1'h~lli,lh{t!f IJIllipl.eas!lIll: f~,6lillgSbllY~

Me:1i! tl:t1i~aJt~yorlll~d: Q~ a~ ~le<l~I~ r lH';Ultralimd, ~t: yOIlJ:li feelmg....l2lL'e ~ot yet sOlJjs.r!lC~~r'j for }'()i'J,l. 'tilY l~8i!;!,g di~f.!:ere1rtkiIiid~ of '~]n.e1TIe m.usic wi~ib ymn mQ!f;/ieII rtU] you r~a:lJl tlfl!f:!II~at WQ~ks Ior y(~~.

ctianged,

On completh;u,g (h'e; Movie'

M.IJ.siiC elii.er~i51e. the jneIT~al

code, your Wi'llPfor tnOll!t eKpeF'ie'U];ce,i:s dif~e;.e])it because ¥ol!:]Gha]1jg.~d it cle]ibefaJte]y. Know~u:[l;gho\.v ItiO d\l t~ljli me~al$ Y4?U dOf!'l have w, waj~ rot yom :wee.u,ngs Ito cbll:lJige, '¥ 01,.1. can do i~now"

W filA. 1

s N L P?
<L

This :k,]l:Ud f c:bll[lge ~1& proof (neal the ,.fJUI, ii.!!i .nill~:the l~J'rr~t(l'IJ'¥. o Y,ol;].'jus;t Gh;ll]],gecl O:mJ.t'l of ym!lJf m{le{[Im~~m~ps, ~pclatin~ il am:d. effie;ri~g jQu,rself l~~Ci!l)e l~e:m<lltive routes, This ch,<I.1J!ge isalso ,a_ dCilra.':l[l'[!s.lrlll.~ a t[l)nQ~~ ~he HLP P.estJIP'Po$H:ioT1l E:xp{'l'i£A.{:~f:i,as iilstIrl!JJclu:Fe.l3,efol'l: the exercise, the ,~trU~~~Lre pattern oJ j1()'~;r enl():~' included .a or m seriousseenew ith meOlvyfeel ings. Wh.en added U~e mi smatch.ill:@: mov:i!e ~,nu.sc, YDU d~angecl Ithe erizinal :strucw,reSQ i much 1iD"n )rem,]" f~el [~lg~ about ~t h;1!!d.U) ,ell;]!ll,ge.,l~q, ,.. .. .. ..

mOire of die scene 'Until .Y'CItI see YQUTsdf, "",!l,u you ''((j'~C at [~1[1~ time, S i;l(;it 1111 ss

yt~i;l~~er

~Q!lI,

wewiQ!1J

I!tmi ,o'b~rve F ]1')01; illil.g OIliJ,.

l, MA'a

.Pr'CU~,f'e .1~ J:/~'e'.Haldi,]:lg th!il image Ilfl riiLirnd, o[lffil~~id!ll' m whl.il bm:l 'of piolt!(~ fr:d,mtl .}'\o.l!,I1l:lghl'!,'>~o!'lH,t~)put ~tm1.ficll ttlts

you

8efOl!'e yoo:go en

b)

the ne;!i:~exle]"'ci5et do E)<el'c:i&e l with Jt least

!lflp~ea;S,1ml

dlreemO!1e

diffem[l~

kinds of

ej(.:p~rie:!Tce~, ,[Exptri msm

snapshot. DO)l'o!iJ1 W;:!iJlt 8 s'llljl.~re Of mlJ!ncl: fn:Il1:lH':, or perrba,pfi all ov.1I nl1Jc'!' How w.ide should! this frame 00., i11li1iil, WI1<1i1\ ool.o:r? P-er-· .~.<'(pf,:!ro!:l"d lu!lie a mX)d:~111 ~teel fr,ill'J.@. er ;m<!y~c 8Ul0ld-fashiolloo gol.d one w~t~ ~wirl.e0. ,clieo(1[<1tioalS ,<lndg:Qve<s en it MleJlii VQtI'\te pkkt~d QIJI a fl.;llime, add ;Jj 1l~!,!M;lilm H.ght
?

with gii,fi;e,re!J!t' kinds of Ule~e: mus ie lID, find olJt~vhjd1i oneswork bes~

For yp'~. with ditl'eremki:njj\'s; of I~xperie[!oes" N@w, U!ke ~ rnemeut to recall oae of those chaElged memerles, You' ll find th~,~H h1!!sa differe]1:l andmore r'f}5ol:!rcdul f'e~]jfig.
NO'Uce UfIa:twUlliiIUili new ~e:eU!1g you sponWincWJ sly begii! 10 t~]~IDk oi[li.cr thi 1lgS' you CQ~~ d SilY 011' dQ that ffijght b~ JItlGtre useful if that' k:~]1"I,Oir si,m3't:i:o:llJ happenedagain, A new feclhlLg 1$ of:teeI1l: apowerful wily to u nlock YOU]'c'l'~<1[jvi'~yina d:[~ff.mlll!It ·s[tU:rli[)liJI. Here' sanom.er

4. JtJ'tI'keJI .ir.!ltl' ,a P,-Qi~ting m' PJ~~u'og.t'allt. How ~m,!I1d! I'ou trans1 ~bmi th[l~ .~lcuntl im'Ol&omecn'i.al$ lR.ores;rtis,ti!;?Ym~ r.rlii:g~lteven want ~ ~ee illt, .;arlarustic pnorogl)m;ph tfY Ansel Adams,e( if! ,tIh~

&uyJe
['>it1IW

of

a '~frI]101l1'S1ail1t1!r, ",:0;. if i1 we~ l K.e~lOir or <i 'V@n Gogh" take YOl:l!rf£<!Jncd~1l]n~enl <InC!l"1<!ce i~1beJ[v;"e~f! ci.fheir pic· '~ures ][1 tfue rri VH~ g:al]ery of ),O!;!t IDLfict
()f
eEL

w~

tOo

ad'Ue'Ve more !Jf them,

:5. Che'Ck Be$r~i~~. .,ake a m{),!IT!l~.tru c1e.a:1:~Qlu min&,. "" 3I)e..th~. Now, .lhil'llk,ot th.<I!t iffil~jde:i]l Ul<llt used lo b"I.I:IMe "'QU. ¥"OUif feeUI].gs ~a';.i?pr(jbiabiy c~u,g~d. .u' ll@l.re,pe3.t '['h~ 'ei'\!e~i;s.e I;Ising. ,a dirkr~m :fffu]!Ie fWd: a ·dlMe~rl:t s[yie of ·p'rimiIlg. m' PJJ:Q.. wgl1iiJ!ph~ Ill.Hi I. yo.1.I find aile U'!i1!tchanges yOll!§reelll1g~ili! iii sarisf!'l~tm-y

way.

1. 'nlink 018 pINJi;~em $itl~witm:. 'fa,:illk off amnne!. oo.rn.ewhat 1:(00l!IIbilesom~ ur~ri¢n.oe, or lever:yd<!21djfficLdty" The' more Y'OIl!l se u S,1.tlIlIl.t.lQ:tl's [1~ feC:;l.il1gs, ~h8t FC£ur Oft~~i. ti:!t: fJ1QiIi:::. ql;licJtty ~hClN lLPI 8 chnge& wlUbegin to mdiatel:hml1~h YOll .• :I.i.fe iff yom llIe'ff;,u:ive .. f~~lmg~frlOm !he fir~~e;l:J€l['c~seh,awn~t c(lil'.l1p]etely t1iTI!riui8~ed or cha:r:a,gcd as rnseh ,['1;5 !r'~ILI1:]1ike. UJ,~Eh,8;l s~mali~'ll !!!-giil!lfI 11~. .

Some pwp~eim:m.e.di3:~dy

\~'$flt UJ~l.'J.QiW

bow I,ong f~e.:'Se,changts

See :f~lufse.fr1J:4 Sl~(jpshm. QlJlick!:y go t~mi±g~.yO~;f m~ItH;J!nl of this .Il1ICidem as ~f it 's i1l'1to<vi.e. btu (hi..,; rime pi.ck om OfL~ [[lo[JJ:I,cnl, I ike II. fV{unefmm .!l"~ lrn, tb1!1tbe.....t !iymJ]cd i;t;~ll tb~ whole le}:,p('iJJkm,ce~or you. Ail,j'f)u~t)@kat that pioU1re, Itolice if y~UJ a[~ !'ieein;!g y'ol!lr&e~ f, '~t yOl!!Ilge:r YOLI. cal ~hat time. <IS if y'IJ~ We'l\e ~ooki:mlg:fI!l a 6r13jp:s,&w t. (ifYOUInidf ~\t the C~'eIT!L ;Ifmliut. ~imrh' begin, im YOU!I' ~niind's leye.~o ptlll baok so you can see more .flud'
,2'.
1

will IM~. Cheek it ll.!:":aJ.iJnIlO\lJ. tCheck H in an hOI!li[". Make ~ riQte ill YOiIlr .ap:1i(J'imnur~t bOi.'.!k or calendar .~~check it next \~Iee and [leK~ [1l10nthi.Yoij '!i\.(iHfind U;n<1t YOllU l:l1iiilillg ~l~y:s changoo b~cal!l~e Y\lU usedthe way y,QU~' brain cedes ~mf~rnullti~;)Im,t~ m<11kcme ~ba1lig~"A,lJid }'O~] can de;dderuo clm.lmge ur~rtheli'a:I]Y H~."l'l:ey.gll w~~t Notice tlMIU YO!1 d~d.n'1 fo[c-e rhe ch!!i;n~e, VOll d,~dJiJJ't repeal .,n:li ~.mr.JU;ll~~i(]n for \ove;e};;s.Y QlI didm' t, ti)'~o use wir]po.wer. ]r~ S[c{!li, yQU ased Jieur brainthe way irs cle£ig]oloo ~@ be 'Ll~ed. YOll·fe.~eginniI1g l®1learn a ~ew ofthe mm;ntll~ cedes of NLP ,. .lhe bui]dk~g blGck~c 'ot thoug;~t8. fG.el"tngs.., a,~tu91'11i, and beliefs, It w~s oJillly 81 miaer disappointment yop ehanged, buta few [ni.lmte,~ <~;g'Dyou m:ig~u have tholJ!ghlof [ha,t, [ncident -~(ill]dy-m.!! WG1.I!~:d ~Hve feh bad, Now iC&ch<l!.I]ged-'permancJatly. ~n the, :rlmtro, e:lI1ery ..

N
[[nie y(m 'thi ok of i~, you'U
resourceful .
NOi\1!,l

L
ffiJ)lr~ ltili

43
her [h;:k. The ··Ie:;tpeU" (lfiten jolLti in! t.h'i!S" l~lH11lg: s~0ides of' tria~.s 8fldured ~I:ld slU,gge~r~':uIIg eourses of ilchol1 ,!}nds,mdy. W ith ~h~ first tViiD fU!]]:d,anle~HaJ f\;r;Lf' Plr;esruPPO!SI,[jl]inli8 in mill.~d~ Th:~lnap isml!lllt the ter~Uory <lindExpe'rj.cn«, bl.}s.~ stFlfictUirlIT--8:~eplP[ng LntiO 8QmOQne else's :sfuoel'l·I[;fl'kes 'nn anew. ~Ild p:f@<foun~ ~ne.:!:ru![[iiLg,~nste:MI Df jU$~ eor!]y iLl,g ,~I.@~h~sflX' u'JJi.m.kkJ!]g, ges,n'!ros, d1ese. dlbt:Uh eould be used 10 d1scq\.'e.: Ih~Jt achiever's iooeu me.'n!ul~ mfilp. lns~ead of S~IDJI~y 'Sh.l,dyl:l1lg wh,a~.the .a.eh.ile'~e:rfilTLldire~, i'~clofIJlJ;! be ~lPp'r~c.11!lted~~V the ~.cbiev,er a!pp~'eciated H- Sinoe eXI~ede]lce h®!s ~ .OJ. swm::ts~, ~twm be:~lt achf.f1] and s:pecHi'.c~ch]ever':s m~nb] ma", :S(lillu~t!niog tb$lt G!tD be diSioov'~.I'ed, >CGpieil. Pll:!Jt[0 work, ~®d p:~lgS~tJ!
l

ml!rt~Lrlll~ ]y~Jldautl)nul!UcaUy~ee,l ;:I

you have

rapid tecbfliqu~ fQf[at']rljg ~:l'Iy tiega[~'lie

with differeliiJ k iI1d~of h:~u'ltt;s "00 ~ru8~le perspeetives. ''"\Fe'veal wa_ys been able to iChan~e. our ~iTILt~m<1!1 i.WJI1!V~S "liJ:iH1 sourldis;. to emihd!ish litem aad c{!mbh:w~~hem with@I!.hermem;®ries1 bnl for mo~t of ~.S:it al W~y5, ~~ap:pe:n~dact::icler1l~!aUllltndiLU:i:Gmts~~o!J~!Y . U]i!l]1 NLP,lIJ:o one had discovered how .~. :s~s~:l!.'ID"~ttcaUyse tlW~~. u <!bm~y~Q improve QrLUr ;~~eU~~gs" thinking, <Il'iid,tbe qmt~ity ~f om: lives. The next tj~ne'aJlJ incident or oJdm~[[.[Ql!'Y bothe~)'lou, yon Cll~[J1 gi '!,III;! yo:u'r;se]fa -me:w Pti:S~cti ve, IJL~~ !by w~s.birig or tmf.l]~g.,biUl by cons.QJioQ;sly takiug a'qLilio[l tel cl:Ullil~e ~.I:le W,<IyyiCn:ij iU.IlcCln:scio~~l!Y .:~. '1.1. .." 1:1 l.i' .. 11'11,· .. , 'A '. 1!.!U~n![. ~.lI}OJ.ll ~L D'Y W8itcml.fig armemO'[y use 11 ruovte .. WU'l:U! .. ]JJpbea[ musk, pulling H: ina p1c[ure flifl:m~, Of ~11lking ~tUIDto'<I, F<]inluUlIg' or art pbotOgffl])~t. you Gar. castit in ,a, ~ffil~W :E1.ndI1Q're PQsU:ti.ve Hght~ K With NLP'" YG!iIcan do (~~ iSl!lme!Jl.lIlg with 0!lJ]] of YOLl)F d~Ffi,cuH~es,,, using ylDJ~r brain j n ereauveways to ~lIJIt;iCeed<l't Ii:ife;''S, d~a~l'el1_g;e!'l,.

it :sotb~[ h no rongcr b(l~h~I8 ro'u. As with the previoil[ls ell;~rdse~ a;pply it '~ a varieily of ftll.emolfles. fu.~edrL'Jien~.
memflo:ryand
C~]lngi.ng l

onto Gtn.ers.

If mIle ,~rsf~~ ean do !lOme· i1;~II1ie: (If Me ma\\t ~xci~i:[Ig I~g~~ ab~ul\:NLP1. rnt meaI15w:<lll .m:©th-~~il(]]iI,:fe:f.s!l!~si.OIIl,e eClnfi:deli1tce~ lSeU~eslte~m, ecisiolTIlml!lkt.mrg~ creaUvUy, .md more :aje a~,IsltJUs Y'"'u d f.:8i!lTh learn j u:s~~s Y0:M:'W 1~a~]1et1l~Odrive a ear, !.II se <I ,(;JQmpllIter. ski, @il" play teFlm[s.. Tfue:[ie is> :a/ sUcLiGm[e~~)ad~:i,el!t:em,enL\vhei YQU [eUfil I~kt(;l<. ie!~Il]Jel'lt~ off excellence tba~ d~;;Ifarc:t~~izetlle'Wiodd's ~Ji~EII[est .fldue;cvm"S. you C~Jn:~e<Lrnm©, crellte the: san~e kind of ':!Iwi~veIDe'f1t:s f~ll

(bWg,. :Ij!llr'y~"e CAn :Learo u~ I'f. This do

"binl of tile

h~r f're:,'ilclpposiuCII1;

·Me:mJto.rs nd Models of Bxoeffilence a

illt should come as no .511Jrtc.i~e lt~.•m mllffiU'Y people in hi Si~(]!yh,aive iiiIJre,ad'y li.!sed so.me of 'the NLP .Pres.utlpoiSj:!:irQ![Jjs.~al pIDpd We!n~e]v~~ ~~)gIlea[succes s, Acorudemy .Aw1trd--cw.ilm~l·AiHbCIIllyHopkj flstredit:s his C$,e.~ to f~1~Ql,lVWel:~h.mEl'l;[R[ch:<!wd Bm~Oir], whom he m@:l at tile ag~ of flftt.'it;:n. ·'.H.e had quite <]l~ influenee rill my life, ,. H['!:~klmi stlys. . '!lloc<m!i~ be ,gol <IW~~y and tJeC~nle an ,SI~t(l;r. And ~dlJOl.l!l~.l:J.[ 1 "Ood, I'd. Uk!e ~Ol drrthat ,3PiIr-er;3denl Bin C~intQll'~ soor) ,Clf mee!ia1,2 P1'eb,icie[lt J~~n;rJ.elC1y at suxteen i10a!nlQS\[ fhesame, [~P~fi! ness, the pmct~Qe .of paU'eming r!ne!'.~~f aft~r ,8. 1e~dI!e'r ff rnd~~Il)1 It IDf~JrIe o bas ru:ud mli8rt'ri.QijshU:"lt{)~r; it ~s lea] Ired ITI_.eInori.a~g. Many j [!fi]Or executi Vl::S go out and (rl!ll~'Cha.'IOetht: same brand of $.~]t ,tie ,ani] l;!1eyef~~e as tl'lefursw;:cessfl!:l]bossu[l ~n eft~n to gain somesense of wt~a:~ is it. ,~ike' lObe (haLl pen;cm. S,[lme go funher, wII lng the same jokes l'lrid even ,t::IQPying .geSft~ll~ ~flt:l speech panerns, 1'\11o[ l'~I2:S~Me efl"arls lei '·'gd l:j.nd~!·Ule eN'J}~['rsStill. "ro discover W~1U really mekes him

)!oo:l:'Self.

'Yi.o~ 1l1lay m.ln.~~Oi.mepeople O'\Iie s:marterrot n<1lL1.IlraUy hllPpier or mOil\e. tale]]ted. 1~~lail1 Ol~en~. film tile:y b~ye D1C1'1"e [iI,~ru~a[l)e,solm;es~iJJ G:ftl;w OR, or th~t :~heyhave a heads'8ru:~: m ,~1 ~~dla:p$. ~r:~e:fre:~S~9' fe, d.€IlI~~ fb~( so"nille.poop~.fl ha'l,~e, ]11lade ~l~¥'onde~~f1Ltt ~]]atellll etwe~11 t~ei r ~ ~lm;ner~SCl~;rr~e8 and llfue:i.r[),ppt':t~]l'!lit]es ]]1j tlre wQr~d ,Whet]1,el H' s RoS'"~ru:m;e:Anto:ld.'s aUitw:le .and! ~1:e:r ~e]e;1!{i iO!l c!I.l:anu:;rter. M].ellad lO~,II:lla;!ld b1•.8'~etban, OK Brie CI1i:,ton 3Jrtd a guitar; w~ see people le;ll:oe'U~]'llg wi:tihl lhe:h" re$o~w;:o~s, And ~f W~ wier(: 00 lm~k .t[ those (esrOc~rees in m1:O'-r~ de:~a!i[~j#,rf; would see d~al e e:ty Que IQf them is m.tde up of images, s(;IU:mJ:d pll.ys,k"tI. motor _s.kiJl]s"mod fee[t]1Jgs. s, R.efl~embe[ lime two exe.rcises Y()1Udid e..ar]ln;:'[f. 10 lil£l !irst OM:!!, ~U!l, h~d l[je sou~lds of Ih:etft'ieillc mesic s~Qted ~ll rUM mind. You jns;l
C

44

WH~

N.LP?

:hadjj'ltkuoW1)I [hat it ootddi be usefum ~DlhlU pr blem slmation, and you never tlh:cJilIgh'ft combir!ill>g II in llial way. Yet when you did of it became a po<werflil] esource for ebange, In thesecond exercise, r y~'m had im:.'lgel~ ef al ~ sort of pic'lJLlj\c[mme . aIiLJ arti sti sty l'es;of

iPlli:nl~n~: £iI:m:dh>CDtograpn)', AC!~i1i'i, )'QU jlUs'~ d:idln·'~r,e,lIJi:;r.;e bq,w I~hey p 'wem;::.p(lweifuJ T-esoun:;e' mat could be rltlicse.[l.Il]Jy dombinedwHh an unplellls2nt memory You had the resources already. N.LP S]1I1Dlply showed you how to make 111 of 'l'I1tlm. EY,el), image, '(lund" or feeling j,s ~ r.e-s.oun:::e SOQ1 ,wher~' for
+

Vilha1t cUi!ii.I{I, J'flILl aocomplish i" YOLI i;J aCl: more 'Or)!] Mence w.hlcl1, jrOH w!.ilfued I1(1 Which ~ ositive ft~r~ng" from YOtlrp;a:5l wou.ld yt'lY WaJIltloreex]J~~f:i,~flc~ if YUH conald ~ralf'lS;ferthternr ffom whi:l:.ft llae)' tlltppe:~~:!dl if~.yom :life lOM.\~e;re }Iou ['eaIly li!O\f~nl~be:rLl'!' Th~ Circle ' or Excellence wlil do j !Il.st'!hat.. I. R',eliIW-e Conjide,~cf!'.tal1d IUp asd let yourself go bile i }'(jl.lr mem :ry to iii ~time wilen you were '. confident, abullda.lltt)r }!lll fidC:ilL Rclik e (bat mom .111: s_ei n .."",lUll. yotl SJ'C . ana ,liIearing w,\lITI yon ~M-d.

,o!ffieUlmg.,. Our brain 'MOW IJIS wi.ththe: ability In see inner pictru:n!;.5, W'heJiliel: the b gin all,~ltzzy OJ! clear, we can build these luenl'ai1 mQ;V~~Slll1p moo gre:u: mmirVl1LIn.g \lillionll" E:Vie,rJone har.· ehe .a:omty to heer 1nn~r Bound. For ex,llmple:, We ea]] UsteiD ill o,1,II:r III ind' ear a[[_d fulero:OLl'1l" ()Wf~ ]]ljjne-r vP'~o;e,and the voices Of per,apk we"ve'loow~ [fjend., ateaeher, Of a pan:m:t W[1i:[e: ~!lfl!ilny people use: this, ,great skill to craieize lfieltlselv,e:s,,'_ pm;itive inner '\I'o]ce coo keep' us confident and on tJrarck.It ean become RIl eloquent pesker a~lldmQti\~ato.r [0 us, In tbe world ofNr.P,. tahll'i1 and ]:IliIU:::f reS{lpre,e,s are a_rud.!IIlly dUferenre .. Wh:u is caned • 'ta{enf'is~mply a set .of resouecesihar have been combined • .sequenced, <Ji.1IiJd practiced nanl

err

2. Carde oj E,tc'(jflcrln~. As )IOu fe_e!. dil.tl co:r.rMem::e hu][dIJllg ]11 yo,lI_l. ihi:aginJ;la, etdpr:ed eleele Olt} Ike !iJQm' li!ii~lU!l~ YDI.1lffiee(. Wbat ,Co~t)rwo~ld YCll'J.like y,OIi!jJ ¢i]jlch-~~Q btl'? ''li'fl1!!l:ht yo!.']; :Ilik!e ilt ai:so to

tm.ve

a seutrd like!!

son

hlJitfn tlluM.. im;li,¥at~~ :~O'WiP(~wm:tJ]~t is'~

Whelil that fc.eiilb,g, of IOOllfiide]J~e· i a:l it$ fil!Ll!c~a,step ml~of IlIat cifcie, l:ea\'mg rhQs!;; G'OITtide:l1~ 'ff;le:lingsinside the circle. Tni . i. a;1i uousual [~!iI!!!cst, alii:! you CRIl, do it.

tt:e:ybecome an i3:YIDQmatic skill, Each of us Wias the op:[)tntll.mt' JI: (J,e:ve'lop our inner resource li:UO tafelijS to e)H;~J at what we lov in
the world. NLf' CIiIH show us how .. An imler pic:ru:n~.or: s®ltlnd ean rru,~.ybe ~. reSOI!):lf'C'C, this next exercise, e:ilHIi~d~'Circle oLBxeeUell!lce.·· we're gning 1() ask you ~(I remember a '!irne when you had a s'IJI©llg mne 'sense ,of ~on:tlJdem; e , Pick a slmng. vibil1:llnl memnry, one that you ""iU enjo. reliving, Bey \'h,~d]yre.meDlbering 'that '[ilne (If confidence, Y' u on b draw:ing II:!poili3iJiliinnerre~o~l~e frol:J'ly'~Jlt!rpl!l<et experiences. : hen w ·1] 'DOW you how 110 cteate ~ special 11:1emory trigge • 'so Ilbat you all have d'iat fee~i]]~ whenever vou want 0'1' need it. A~ NLB' CDmpg:--ehe~1rive, Vio'eaile offtoo tiyin~ out :Ule, :I.ed:nnique:s and poss,ibti.l~tiJe;sformore comprehensi,'!.!£i d1Jill1g;e, :Be(!,[Ju-se we h~ve [IJ! "tel' done them l:nI~fon~:~ know the :lih:'.'llt ll~me :i ~go:ulIil!lto be aJot we Je!ls than perfect: We have a 'aying '~Q' remind ulltsei'v,e of (!<nus: Al]y~hi!lJg 'Worth doing. i wonh doifi,g b<ldly , .. .aIr.f:h Llf O!1were not successful or {1Jply partiaUy II:!cc,efll.d:ill this exercise tty doing

J. Sele·dilJgC.ues. . 'ow thiIlk IOf ~pecifi whi!iiiYOIil "v,mt to Ila'!.lelhat S;;UJlefeeling

hem'
Wool

0:'

tirn ~ ill, O~IlI:1'{ouue eenfidence. See ~nd

c

rn

feelcq)nfid¢nL The cue c~uJJ be. yO'Uf' bas' office door. your om ce phone, or hearirlg .)IlO1illm~:fbei:ngilll!u:c(Odl!!<:J!llu ~dore a spe-ec.h"
~Orli yO'll ._

will be Ime:re just b.e

ant

10

4.. .ti.fjking.

AS IDIJ1l 'ik~ Um.~e (IliC5 ave clear

'in ymu m:in~,

$U~P

'hack int:o the c-!]"CJe and :fed thnse corrfide-l'll feeb!'l.g~ otgain, Tm:a;gLlILethat $itJ'iul.'tmll 1J1lfo~dillg a;ro~lDd y~1J! il:! '~he futtue wi~1n 'Ihe' e ",.olllliiJIel'litfeelings fuJl::y ,~v,arilahle to you.
S. Che'fJkResulls.'ow i'lt{ljp mU ohhe eirele again, leavin eonfident fueiin~s there ill, the .drde. QlItsJOie- Lhedrele; momenr .and think i1gai[I 'Of til:~ll u[IC'~J:mingevent, '..n you'll aU[OMlat:iJcal]y ucall lho'e C(l[i'ld:en:l: feelings, Thi" ymi'",e Melirly pru:pm,gramrnoo, YOI!I,['st:1ffor I&!<!~ urpcomi.iI'Ig

thQse take a. n find

means event, '~'\~:U :r,b':e]~ng betci!eJr'.aOO1:.l't i-t l'Lnd jlt. haLS1'I"~ even ,hllP.p.e:ned )"et 'fC; Wbell. h arrives, you ']11 find you-rsdli' liatlJiraUy 'res:po11mngLtrmr>2
cQ)mfiJdeI'ltll), •

WHcA..T

rs N

P?

i.l over .~gai[lJ. payj.fi~ close (jjtlteJill,Uo.n to each :o/te:p. Tnt;": liming:is Ql:I!rntc ln1PQirrtlil:Elit o .is~iving yo,ur F!UUaUen(]oi:l m~'!tle exercise.' S It:i.Step 1" .irs· impcfla]jJt~(j, fullyreliv ~~fueX~e:ri:.en€e, so Ul.at ~ your feehn:ligs. Me strong, ['Teltet1d you .1m 'lJac.k ill the s!Ju.,;l:inn. Smnd or lSJt ~lhe \!r{lY yml did! then and r~,8e the .s<]nleg,e1'>t~ues~ In Srlep 2;, YOit] needto take t~H! rims (0 ereate <tl'l. jJlt[~ge o.f y~)ur aro~e rOf E.xo~~le[Jiae1:hilt 1:Slflg~;t :[or you, <I1'iH.I then ~llt1U;::h it lCi.th~l:t WIJi fi~ie;nlfue]ing ~n Step 1, S(j)!m~time:si[ ~;l'I;m) hellp.lD ;s:IDep and (DI,!U i[l. of ~0~r Cillell€: Exqe;Uel1lce .sev,eraJ times hl,lEluUd lip tbe flee IiIlg :al~d @i ~~) e !;1][8 ~.hei mll~e uf:'{GlJlr t:ifJ)'de has become H l[':ug;g~r fDr y'~JlL1r b pt:;:sHiv~ fe~h~R' rn.n EHep3. YlO,ll]W~l]t tl),be sure that Hte c[~esy~u dmoseotte giles, til;S!.t you will netice just J~effire you W~l'!I' ~:oba veyiQur resDurce. c(mfUd'~nt feeli Ilg a\i'i1Iila1tn.h~. the cues are 100 late. y~)1] wi.U ,1I.~~-eHdy If bee Q~ YOYi w<lymre~lillg biSJrn bce6ereyt_)J]jrc.ol)flA:;Ie~l[ feehng ~i1(!l hme '~obe k~ggered, Thi.~ ~s ea~'y t.o' remedy. S ~.mply find e~di~~ tiles ;l[n~.
tl!s,etttum.L

~ha'~t~l!eyare abo £I. b]~dty. ¥,pu don't need moreOO1TIlUdenpe ~blj:l!tyOU! OO1!!l~d add. pJa~dlJll~e:ll~ cr humor, ;(Tr lieeliness lIilId make yo%~rP[~ .• se;n~~uiolns even lsetter, Yeu caa use U1el C.urde olL &xcd 1e;[loe;~G' c~:eah! m(J!.fees,cenen9~ l!'!fthe ~rune:w.ay as :iiOU d.~dt;orellilm[rw:~lng p~'Db]e1'l1!S, .... IfyiOU'V!i! ever hiSid areseurce. lev~nuf it waS o;I:I1y fora Sietond, dl£)!( ~e.lJ.I;s yOIlJ! have i[ forevelL Us.ing .ijl'Cirl': le of Exce~lcffi;c:e.yml (;~.n ,~nroo:seWrlJ.!if>~tms l1e~CH~'()e f[jew8iY yG'~ want, at tbe 'liInelS w~;w:U'I yml wanl it ln <'!iJ[i[Y'ii,ulair[cm. ;yOil.! ean d'loose how yifJU want (.0 fee] "m.eeI . how you wari~ tOres]lpn~{j,. Youcan cm~l'ie to live 'you]' Ufe on purpose. YOi~.re~d doh ave ;1111 ibeinaer ;~:SO!J.ice~. Ypil1 CQJldd wal1t 'Of iy

need.

ffWl1m You Are Doing ls.nl'1~\V Q~.·Id.n.g .•

Do. S(Jr]]let~if]g B~~e
now could we o]~]]II lIt~"tp£~JII,tl bal\i'ieaJJlt~be f\emilll:lr~esU~ey :llJeed~ whe!'ll SD m.M)' 3;[1es,t:] :wI'Ii5e:rao.le? W~en th inga "dG[1J't w1l:u:k. m!JS[ peQlP].e,conthlue m ~Q' whatm.efv~ lje~1l doing thar hiliS]jlJJ'[ been
WIQOO!Wl_g-U~'5.·tllaUy harder and ·~oudleI. But reme,!"'l1lJell
t!],J!~

SID~P 4, ,)';ouwa~lW s;re:p ]]1J!U) YOlJlIf Glrde as soon as ),[Hill ~e.Qeme ;3IW<'I![t of:tfue cues, ~Q ~h1[t the pO$'i:[jve feehElt_ is u'i,g:g<e:red b'eFolie: ")i':!')U aClu<lUy lli..e.edi:tThis Willy ~IOiU ue connecri ~]g yQHW G~:de of &c:d~el1ic~eO' th,es~me cues t~<lt Ill seCl f;o indicate a pr'(lib~eli1ll ~
IDn
f

cur U~~~

situatien.

.hl Step 5~ YOtll. <lice: d]{::ckl.~~g~OI~eef jpl]~]1lv.e '1~a.dle <I so[uo i Clll'lneCluon.,. It YOI] h;!!!ve. tbe c~e.:., wiU <I!1,I~~~lmtkaHy lies,l!.dt in ilile. po.s.ituve E~eJi,J:!li~ oJ Y'0~r Cil1Cle of Ell;.Get1el]ce" If ~nOlt,hack up ;a;I]d find ~'heweakl iIlk so du[you can S;{'re[lg~fu.eni[ .. Wilen Y'l)'~. ~l)ipJy NLP. YQu'~eu!!'k'j,g. lihe ~I'!h~Hve,Y:9u' re de... !'I i c~d]~~gfOil: 1'(lilil!JS!eJ1[ you wa.m~o reaer u~,Ole 4Vefl![~·i.fl Y9'V!:r life, how tnthis ease, you l(lrlli;;lbe fceU]}g'r;of ~o~fideTI~e yw' ve expu~~ed in ~lle P~S( ead al[:ta~hedthem h) a fl!.l~](l:reuuanon 'Il'l3!l ffiighl ha.V1C s .pl!~ iQu~dybe~n :i]1!hmlg;S![i g, Til is isa pf()OeS~ yow, can do [(]f as n mmy d,Ufer,em: :futllll1"~ events as yQU wal11JL w~m as m!my dlffeI~rn. feeUngs as yo!.! Wflm. Vilhal'-s rnorer [he tircl(l of E'X:~neFlc~ Is ~:O~l jlll:8t~()fprob~t:m.s., Y'©'1IJjeM. take someihing ymJ rur-eady do wen ,M'J;d :im]':lIDVe iL Le~'5, <'lay yOIU! are 1:lJ]I:e<JJ~y a!JJe mmllke 1 &ys~e'mliL(ic a[ldweU~ or.~ru]]2)ed pteSemt<rI.lJOF.l:S. b!lll[ you MJ.metirnel) receive lthe; eemments

lations ~[re not in t~'l(!;~eITi[,G!y, huU.1:i our fl:Ul-iP&.f yml want ~Q ~ee I the ~a;me~c:eJ~:e:ry. cOlill:tml,le :~Q gu llQ1wn U'l.e Sf!!l1IJe road, Bur if you \vQ:i!iIt so~ne[hh~.gdif:fu~l •.~(} :lJQm!eiliil:l:gdlffero[!'l, !Bx.anllning \~:hy jHYU 're m:M g;e'ttiilllg wW:ieo.rc yml W ll[l[ :fo go, 0[' f10:i ~a~ mal1te.t ..e:)l.aITOCIlJi]]'Jig'wThlyyml ar,e: gerUng where )',etli W;iinill'lQ gO,WOrl ';l NQ mamtlv ~(JiW m;mJ[[[Y'whys <'li'lTItdeeauses .;:to'U, ceme up W]t~, ~O'!iiI'fie st ill b ~e~ded dOiwrl ~he same o]G1ro~d. ~!l£tea(LC'ijfi~Htrnle on how y~)iU are geujng or not gifUi~g Wh!He'Y'~)!U1. <IiI'I.d whatyou w mIt in life. WO¥rIit W ~U}NLP. you c 1.ll'limproveaWl~d e:[!JI:Ucbyour ~el1!t<l;1 ;n)~P); <im:d ~:isre(:l'!;"lerw~a~ !lUlke s the differenee between faih.!1ilcand SIJ~CfJ:S>!l,.

be.!,.

belw¢eml good ~m;d.~re;;H, between ,a.c.CQmp1UislruIu.emtand

fnh'iUme[l~•

The .i1ismo]"y NUr is Ul£: Sl~xy of iH!!]I].I.lliik.e1y parloelrnhiV thllt of c.req:tedl an ufll~x:rec:ted synergy lThl.l~ resuU.edina werld of c~)a~ge. In

48
the

P'
..I

\V HA T

NIP

....... NILIP eorounne ..... ad.', 197·'10: "f"""Hr'

Ri,clhlardandlcliwa

an

undergt dual'e mathematies ·tudent all the Universlr of California itlt anra Cruz. Initially, b spent In[l'S~of his time smdying cqmpLlter cience. Insp]red by a family friend who knew many of theinno'I,/,a,ui 'riherarpists Df the day '. he decided to pursue p,sycbo]ogy. !!,i'e. After careftl.1 ly !Ludying s-iOme of these well-known ti1er,api t ,Rici:l,kd dlsccvered tiIiL,:U by compl,etdy :l'epemillg (heir personaJ b~ha,'[ur p~Hl:~m.Sche: could get simihu po~ it'lv,e Nsul,/S with oTherp~()p1e. Ihis dis every became the ba. is ~m ~he.greundbreaking approach in NlP kaewn '. Mcde'lm.g Human ",'ceUencc- Theil h mel, i til' , otber .otounder Dr. John Grinder, 'ilflll:ocia:1C profe .sor of Iinauistics. John ~Jiinder'~ ,e~reel",p~dh\va. as. unlque as, R chard's. Hi~ ahi.lity to qiludd., a5S~m]]<I,te Ianguages, ill. ume accents •. iII1JdIlake em cnlmmJI be:h;a~~o:rs. h.~d heen I)efi~ wbiJ~ hli De ., S. AAllY Spec~~d ed Forces m EUrope !n lJl1:e19'60, and hl~r when be was a ~utember of' ilntetligel1c,e 5e:ryi.Gesw,orking in Eu rope, , John' 5 .in~erests.in psychology were in ~~ine'with the fUIldamental goal o~·l~nguh;ticS'--<tD eno,er the hidden grammar f thinking and action. Di .. tiover;ing theil' .'imlilla_r iin ·~·t '" 'I.bey de6d ed'~ combine their l:iesp..etiv.e{"k~ns, (;If computer· j. nee and Iinguisrics alom with their a\l)ility to ,copy nonerbal beha ..ior [0 develop a new "~'aJfI.O'Ua.~' of

ch.m~e. "
LEI file be"g:i!ln~,g.
lGID

ue dllY e'!.leJl:img,~ lR:.iich:m:dBomdHer wou.ld •.

.mode led himself afte r it Iccnc ]alltit::f'o!JI];ukr, the Ge'flMfi 'i'JI ychi~tri( t Frir P~ds. FUc:ha!l'd \ ell t so far .in ~opytm:g Dr, Perls as io grow a be .rd, cha:rn unoke, and lip ak Engli.h with a G nnan ac fit 01'11 ThUI' daJ. C ening '. Grinder would ~ead another group u jng the 'verib [ fie! nonverbal p. ttems f Of. Pel'b thathe Ita I b ard, and
I

lead a Gesta_U 1l1Cr8iPY group fur assembled ~ludellt:s and moca~', He

b.reiikillg phl1osophel"' and y,telu thinker, G gOl~' Bate 'on. Rlehard assemeted his lorigimll find,~la,.gs in his master' thesis pl~bli bed hue as, the fur.s't vohime of The Structure of Magic, Bandler and Grinder had beeomea team, and their .l'egeal'cllCtl:n.tl[ime.d 1~ ~m:ne . t What set tnen'l a:pmtfrom tbe.I'l:'la'lW)I's,ch(]{lis of aIternanve p:sy· Ci1r:t(')log~t:aA tbou.gh.t gruwing h:i Callfomia ,at that l[~e 'W~S tt'l1eiJ: earch for liIi\e essence uf ch!l._fIge" As Barrd1-er lind Gdnde~' began '.tlldy~ng pe.ople with various diflicGhies. they mJlli![)ed that every person wh had a phobia tbooght of whatever '!hey were afraid of a i .il were h .'ppening '[0 them at that _,ezy moment, \~rhen'they studied peopl ~lhol1ad gottelll 0'1.'.r their phOlb~~s,Ih~. , fpunt.! 'Illit ,ever on of these' pBopJe RiJ'W 'lbotls,ln of 'their phobia e'xpednce as if the" welle waW1ling:it happentn emeona ebe-s,imilar to .. atching an aItwsen1}.!f:lt.-P<J.iIi!k lid!: in ItII- .dltstElm1!ce~Wi~h this simp! a~d yet 'P[i()found discovery .1Ba1lid~.e:r and O,i,ll.cieT d~cided19 s)'s'wnmid.caUy te<J.chm.e -pe®,ple w~l[]l pbobias, 'lO experience their fe~r'S a' if they w,ere atthing them happen. to .omenne el ei 11 the distance. 'flldr phobkteeling. disapp. ued in It: ,nt[y. A fiu"l1ilamenl·1 diseo ery of .NLP bad been made, How people Uli['lk~tb·ut .. omedli!:1 make lhe : cru 'i ] difi:e~ence- in how dn:eiy~" ll expe.rie:nce it. i .s tbey 'Qiillight out I~.heeSSle1I'" of chang fromthe best m ,tel'. o change' they could ;~fid B,and] -rand Grinder que lOlled what to ch~tI'ige:fif'$~. ;'l.']}a;[ was [be rnm,tiI[]lpo.['tar-a:1 thing [0 cha:Ullge. 1'I1l.;:li where ~la.s the most :~mp[):l1afIJt ~'I'i.ce to b~gi[l. Their sWlts am! ,gr®m;viug ,FepUUltII;lI1LS

qllkkly eamed 'tbem jrnt.rodl!:lcticm.s tlOOllle of the: filtest e ampl'e,s ,®f human exoe1leil~~ h:~dxe world, including Dr. Milton HI, Eri,eksI}D. M" D,. the oUfidet 0, tn . AmeriCan Soci-e'[Yof Clinical H.. pno 1 . and w]d Iy recognized as ihe werld's foremn '[
medical hypnOlil!!lll.

seen ru hard use

wbarthey

01:1

ue
IJj

day. Utey . ys.lemali aU beg n to (jm~t

thought were .:iue.le\HI.nt pieces of behavior (the GeJrrnM

accent, the smoking) ntil they found the essence of Perl s' s tech'ID'[UGSo-lbe (m[ereno(t tb,Jlt difJelJenti,at:ed Perla lrom o~fu:~['"Ires,seffl:c(~\Ie lh.eJ;,1~p"i~l'lS.They ~aCl begun the discipline ,of M,pde'iing
Human ExceUe~!J!l::e. Encuw:aged by the.ir succ.es , rbey went on to smd)' (!ine of the gr <:I't ~o'LlIndern Family Them! >,. irginia !llir. and (he £'1' I..Ino.of

D'L Brickson wa ever 'i'l ,LI. much an original a Bandler aniil Grind.elf, A ,\il];<tpprn,g yOllng \Vi. '€on&in farm boy in th I '20s1 he '1,1' I:li stricleen wilillTh polio at the a.~e tlh~'igl'iteen. Unab1e Lu breatne, he lay in an iron ~iJn2 j~ his fl)Lt't1i.~)'·s kitehen CO'il fllme than III yC:Nr .• \~e this m~gh'l :~]~vebeen III prison ~~]1ft~ncc for :[imyone elsa; Erickson was fascinated by human b\;,jh~\{i,or.md pac sed .~ l~n1e fi 'tking how fa:m.iJy aod fri'~-mls· re ·ponded to ,each urh .• eon· sdou I.y <lnd u_nooI&;tuu,ly. He em, Inlcted remark. that w,Quld pro-

50 duce . double hike r d

];;I),'ed

p re. ponse in tho e around him,. and ~aJnguage skill '.

:\1]1

W ft'A T I &.

NLP .
the e'~f,~r.:t. a h~'pno~iiC '

51
COI1l:-

the

\\idltn thlargel

senten e tha!l hi

time hmdng, his, cbservatioa Recovering 'eltoug]lJ to leave the lron lrmg, he Itaught himself to walk by wa'!:chrnM,a how hi baby. i~1cr w,.t~LI,eaJ:1llI~[Il,g'I!o, do n, rn!ve]ilj thQQghhe '.lUiU neede.d cmtches, be ulok,~ Cf,[lS:H'~ ~m,try COlJl]'~elliup bdor,;;: hSO;t;diJill; off to coHege where ~te,ev~nmaUy received degrees in medlciae and then p:sydmllogy" His~ad~ experience' o~d perona] trials h,ad made him very en "tive moihe t'ubtl,e ]uHuence"of htnguag,e' ,and l1~ha,-igr. Whik! tJl.!ldyw~g medicine, he became very ilu'Cre ted in hypno. '., " carrying it far b~yond wakhing pellildu[ufilS swing ami meneteneus ug!l" ticns of sleepine s. He f1o,tkedEhat wt'j,i~:l'I I:bollgh~s end feeling P'~ 00 lilfOltllgh his pati~nlS' ~Wiind" dliey brieHy entered IlJallU"altrnncelik.· l.des :>lind 'I:h<lt IlneS!e couldbe ll,ls~d tn ~:ndm;:e bYFn]!Otj.C states In his elder years, he ,bec;;Jime known ,as li:ne,master (l,fim[~,I,©cl bYPil]josis" a mall whol ~Clli!dd irrdueea Jp:refoulld

m.nd.

Bti,udlc:r !Iud Glii rider arr~v,e,d at Or. Edc· sons oni.~ hom:e In Ph[)e~ ix, Artz.mll.lo i'lIpp,l.y the it n~w 1y developed model ifig skill s to t'he wlod. of tbetale:r!ted hypl1()ti~'I." The tmmbil'!atiml, of Dr. Britk8011' . ]eg,endary hypnotic tlUs mud B3ndiler and. ulfi]]fili.w' s ~n?rle:[~l!Ilg ski U , pr' :id~,d[he jb~s.~sfor altl e llpilos.ion o:~ new lh~r,ape1Htlc rechniqu s, Tb ir work w~th Dr. EricMlon COnnOJi:OO they had ~o"nd a \'Iay 'm 1I1lJicrRta:IIlU and l'e p'11 duce human excellence. _bani tb1 time, Orinde:r Ild Han nerj~ coUege c.II~'es and . eningomup were Il:EUllQ(]l'iIganincreasing rll.i!lliltbe~· f sU!dents eager o 'to I,eaPll this Hew ~e;dlno.l.og , ofbange. In the year' to ~ome, ~
i

."

number of them" i1lclu!i~ng ., eslie Camero'I1-B~!ldle.r,. IudithDeLottie]!", Robert Dilts, ~]i1dDavid OonJIo~, would [l;l<de considerable cunU"ib'~~tiollls ~t:Le:ko,,;,"'n. Byword of of nmu[h" [bi new ap:pr~~lch~~ ~ort:ILi1.1.unk~don and change began lO spread aC],(lSS tl':le CQlll[i[l:ry, Stevie Andreas, in the time < wen-~no\":omGel'iW1t 1hemp!h;t, set aside whar he wa ,doing '~o I, nul:y thei,( tech_ll~ques. He quickly decided 'Irun NLP Ii as :such fill import nt brledtbl'olligil (hat, with hi wife .nll pa.rtner CQrmirae Afltm-',; they would record the .!5IeIllin~u:s of Bundler Oilnd Oriuder udftr:~tn~cr]be thell1i in~oboQ,b. Their '!f,ery first one Frogs into P rinces, weuld b~com thefirst NU~ he t-seller. ~fl 1979 10m ,ex~~f!s]V,e: article on Nl;P .1Jppe~r:ed~,rn f sychology 10riay e:l:1tit]~i"[Joo.pk,Who Rl¥OO: flilople ,. Nl.PwOilS on :it~ w.ay· Tcday NLP ~~,"M I;l,eavl of m.[lDji'lIPJ.lroaches '~~'omnmUfl1c<1it]on 'lite fwd ctifLnge. P'opu1arized by Anthony RnU}Jirl!s, _IIo~n.BradsluINI, and Q'lfle- '.. bits 0:( ".LIlI' have found thei.r way into s:a1!c tta:intDgs, OQDli-

Q:Ytelling Sl(lfi<e;S. 1191'O:s..Dl'. :E;:ri~k ·on had becOm.e very' en kno n ~()ng medical plnf:es.sioDJI an I was -"rEm the subject of. everaiJ books, bm few of his, student. could repf.oduce his worl;:or~phcate hi resules.
lotItCe just By the

Dr, Ericksen was Qt1erJi called the "wounded heale!",'j:ncc fitan~ ef h~' cnileagues ~hooghl hi persoaal trials, W e,e]1e pOll~bl'(li formaking hi 01 'become ~ sldUed and werld-renowned therapist. \I' hen R:~ch~.rdB andler cal ~e:.d f 0:[ 11];1~ ppoi~'Hmel~(. ill)r"E:ri:ci:;sOmli a tn1lppetie'd tn answer d~e: phorn;e pet:son,J,lllf. Tt1l@Y;gJ] lia:lldhtJ' at.'i.d Go.1mLde]' had a.wJ!irnro[h~ rlan fil'om GregQry Bare on, "'dclkson replied tllN!1J he was: a very bu"y man, :Biiliullel.' re ponded aying, ," Smue peop1e! Dr. Ericksrm. know how (P' mal tim' •"" mpha.si.zing • Dr, Brktson.·' multbelru,.[ two woird'i more s!lron_gl.· . Erick.011', ans wer was, "Come over (lny tim ;'" also mpnfts.lzin6 the hr. Itt two words. TI'l.ough Bandler and Grinder' lad: ofps -eh Eogka~ certi fi eation W85 a strike ag<l!:in't them in D.. Erickstlfl' :lfJfJIiJnd he W'a!S ]ntrigued '[.bar 'fire . two young men rnigln be abl lQ discover
l

:muni.~tion" eminars,

]~, room ,.and 'OODvep.>atIons,\Vhen anyone

t

wha ~ lilO n']any others had .oDu.sSled. After

!;[jJ ,<

one: of ~lJ,em h.lJd ju st

spoJlkien[Qhim usiog OI~e of h:~l!O'W:ll!l~~~liPnotk i~j]~u~ge d:i:sco\.eries, Il0W known as ,fUIJ,emibedded ct'lmman~. By empliLasizing 'the w,~rd&. "Dr, El'idtion. mnke time." he had created a ep~mteel:lltel)ce:.

talks OOOU[ MCldd~ng HUJrllan E. eellence, getting ~(l 'S"ta!te"uil.ding rapport" creating a! cmnpe;U].1l'Ig [iiiilu.re. O'l[ hom "visual' the 'Ilre they are -.u,ifl,g concepts hum NlP .. We're delighted that LP' is An.dJy becoming' betterkaewn. 1'1're lilin~ i£;,. 'U 1iltl~k[lowk,dge may be til, ;d<l~ilgfl'il'O,tQS thing, orit m~y be na[iling at aU. K,nowlng: abo~jJ'M![ld,· el~ng Hum an ExceUen!loe' d~ffierent, aDd a ~olless. tb·1l,.n eing able b '~od~ it Knowmg;::I little ~h @f i.LP' is Jdifferenl fm,m ha \dng II. chal'lae to nlU'l~ h ylilUI' own. TMf wirily we w:l'otelh:i:s book,

52

p
!I '.

WJIAT'I

HLP?

53

ii'

.LP' is the hloc! J' of hll men excel ~ ence. It's <'L pm~s for ID.Cidding the m _oral patterns of lhoughts" acHoll'l,s,<Jilild feelings of real hillman achievers, like eurselves, The iCodev,eklpe~s ,of NlP learned howto l'Wa:!r.!IJl,!;einlti;:!Ii'If]:a.1 e. pc't.ielll:ce S~I easi I'i OUlde1eg,anUy beeause they I!;a:rmed 'I ith 'ome fu.ndament<ll. pFiu' wp~es [hal <ll~;eJt the heart of 3
,~I'Cl!-IL!;llJigu:lllitk;
.P.lrog'l",iUl1fil1]liI,g.· " ,

eutralize negative [:"eeiings.abeut past e\~entswi[h Movi.e M~si.c aDd the P:id:i;nre 1fr.a~lne [~cbl:1ii;q1!iu!'. Create mor R eurce . for yourself by u'!;ing yom Circle of Bscellence to pi ce fb m in ycmltf'utUlie when and whlere you win ~eed Of wall't ;lb,cnl

Somei,l,ihe:re w:3inl and clirealll

inside all ,~f US a:re dreamers. We can't he]p b!'l~ and de.lve. It cotne ' naturally ~.o as. It's 11 part of who we are, deep in ,~ur bones" nd .i~ha I~~,en Oil!' species from hvh~~ in cave aad butsto expJorilmilgthe moon. We dream iailid we want to :fiulllU ourdream . We W,~:!ilit tn Ilifl'kld< way to reali,zc our dreams. 'f. B .. Lawrence of kabia
dreasn, but
BOlan

~, • ,_ .' •' ~ ~
.'

Thel[lJ1p' ,(S lIn)t· ~he~er1l'it~ry.. Experience hps a sll"udure. If one per~n can do somef.hiing,an" one ,can learn tD do it,. l'ttU,~ iIld and bodJf ·au jpQdsill<f tb~ same system • m PoopEe ,alftady hallie ,aU, fhe reseurees tlitey need. You ca.nnot: ~'lOrr ,eomDilUinicale. Tl'Ie me:m.mg of' y<Ow:' t1Umm1!uricatJiU:n is (he ft\S.PDJiS.e y~g

Wllwte' in his memoin;s... AJI people

eq:ua'IJ·· . TliiL•se who dream by nigb~, m '(he d!llly recesses OE lbeir mi rid w ke in the day to ~]1Ld1w,1)S v amty; !but. 'tile: i d[leaLl.la';~of ~he day are dlin'iigetoUs. ~OIJ" they may act their deeams with opel:l eye 00 IUru::" dtemposs.ible." . YO'l! IlIiClay Hot have (liough'[ .of ~t.'b[J:~ yOur te]epbol1e televij

g~t.

U,nderi;J'.iTI\Q: vej"'y behav,i~~r is ,Il po.silh.1} inteoUDIH. ~

.. 1~~opEeare .always maik.in~ the' best du~.ce s ~a, a.ila.ble to t:he~n. ~ If' "",bal ~~[I'll.are do:"m;g:;Sh't w.oil:'iking'j do somethiing <else, l Once we tmdeifstailid ·pl:c]lically how we c~'e!l.teand malatain .our illli1erthoughts and. feeU:tJ:gs" i~,~ a simple matter fot ill '1.0 I:each ~hem
to otl~ers,. (Iii] 'we 'find IxHli.er ones. 'mo,-h<luge them '1,0 more useful o.i:les, I!JIt~~L chaprer, you've I:ea:med how to;

sion, CD p1ayeil. dishwasber, :lFeuige.i:~nor. microw~v,e " nor b)' ~l!~nI:ion V 'In ,toilet and shmiol'ei, ~!11 starwd !I:., someone' s dreams. 1hey h<lve.·W!i!l'n!$~m:Jli6d OJ]J world l 1"ll!1UI)' of them :UlmO~!r !~:fe(im,e. When you Wflittt ~o bring the stirnp]e t dream ill :t:eal.iati.'n. you 'flhangJ~ tl~~ng].. and you mat)' 'be chlilUenging 11:Ji~~ t'iWS quo' Ole s:~a'le of m~nd d~at s~,ys. "ThingS are wen. eneugh the way tl1ie:y are.
Whel] you 'l:ilill'lg'!O'rneth~ng ne
]~ltu Y0I,I.[' VI rld,

YOI)ll lIli:Iiay di:slupt:

f'OUrines and sb<ike 'expectation

Y'Olli

ask yoli$'SeIf and others to be ~o 'our dreems and Lumge is

diftieroeot .. On

to I:i'ip others, ,~~,adiu

'11

Dissociate

fi',OIU

'10111'negaLi

e " ~periem:es ;f

M1.1LSSOci

ame 00

yGi~ ,j)osir:ivee ones

to ~[I.\I'iH~:~h:eI:OC1I. a1ol1g.Lo:ved ones cO!~"0lJ'k:,e:rs" and faJll']J~~y wlll see what youare doing and probably want to be mclu ,00. Tllr y may 'be shy dIe rell]d;a!llt to k if the.y call join Y'(l\L [f'lh!;:y take mi.' jou~rney w ftll "ilo~I.tl1!ey' J;-e more h'kleJy 110 J;[ll uto conrinuc. When ,~v~:J'yOI!,e ViI

"' .W·1\. ns~ or deere. se the imponam::e ~m.a:ge

Di«~t

3iU

inner thoughl.
]1('1t

don

Y{l'l)]:rlhoughts wll;ten,: ,you wm;ntto ,go, ~ want ,(Ilem fO fitl

where

yo u

ha more cbo,i'ce in ~be~rli:~e". Lhe.: <lC cpt 111m cueieeaad IlexiMl.hy Iii others. LP is something to br~~ and practice wli'/~ ,orriler poo~]~e, IllLOU un tnem. NLP ,cr,cafes an 'nvimnmtllilll folf' gr .. efll,lp rsenal ch ..nge. It c

54

.f

works when you u e ~~.!1d it iII cha1l:l1geyou.r life. You can begin conquerillg ili ,probtems iliat brought. you to ",t.P. and then YOlJ~ll.n mm y ur artemiento creating new pos ~bmEies, and new adventures, F&rfi:omb.eOOI]Wlg !5,impily ~. me:a_n to a'ne-mi, NlILPa:Jl.ows VOUi h.J
[iv~ly~rpGsefuUy. to lX,lmcip~te warn,

CHAPT.R

THREE

Getting Motivated

m, cre~(jng the world yen'u,'" re~]ly

.

t JfO~ lie~:beYOM us { .•~ :what lhnr heIOf't! lIS (m~ tl'l,Y

{'orn]JtIff!,d

lJIdJUJrb: QW\Je'lj

to

'f'L'kat fi;es i~.irhiil

,lIS.

e ..~: in""pil:ahOn -and d~lJ!er.[liti('l!li.·· On the inspi.fOl.lion side: i Dr'. dwin Land; i,nveitmi)\l: of knstoU:'i't :plltt'Og:rllph}1 ~nd the founder of H1C P'otami.d Corpotadon. His; ]ilde dau,O'hte:r w,a~led ro see a. picture .of hersel fright aw<tJ, and asked her fatliJ.erwi 'f ~t: i[:C,ok &-0' long to develop p:hU'l:!!11e. This mSpllied s. Mdtopullbedeve]opmept proce

A'~
_ hill

.nlOtiv,adon~ consulranc ~lIld~es!t-selling a~tho;r 'n~l.on}l' Robput

u.There

:!ln~two

[[ling IDal mo,tlv:<It!:pwpl,e; ~o ' 1!11~.

right in Ul . film. In

simdar vein, Bill G~u~s and Paul Allen,

fou'liIdet:s if Mlcmso:fn CQtpom:;,tdon. SaWlIUlI ad ertisemenr for <I petonal lQOmputer ,kit ill POf)ula.t M'ecm.mi:c$ m.J!<gazine and "riw ~]]e. f~h.lfie of '~Ylp~ti.ng. Dm even, caUed up his mQi~her'~~teU her be mjgj~t not can her ft:u:six 'Inonllhos be>ca~$Je. e was w:li'hi.ng acomputm h progrll!m, ~:h~t .]nfi'~ wa gQi~,gto buy. 'We. aU know thalprogra:m now

On th'e other side. as proo r ,0 I' d ssperari m ~_ mot] vator, 'the li.sl could begin with Antmo:oYRobbins. A fnrmer v,aC!Jl!JIlIU cleaner salesroan andh ahh program "sefl'lhlat leacer, Tony had m5te;~ filUlJliQ.dlll successand had it 'Slip Oiifway nOn], him.Wnellili hI! found ht Life
flQur-h!1J:~1d.rtld-·qual)e,-I\oo[ apertmem in Veniee Beach, " al.~fomhlj wa:shhtg h~s dishes in h,1S batInub.,il wa n't the tal te or SI1CC!;;'ss lh~t puned bin1fon ard, but the di.sf,a' te ,f his, !ment c(}[IoitioD thalt drove him '(00' b~lIo;e them. tha~. drove him 'LO like c reduced to
H

a" MS-DOS',

56

57

LP' training and mrn his Ii'~ around. Anether example

or despe, There are a (.JOup:1 of different P" 'OflaJ] s{yEe' of fl1.m'ivation" . You can find YQ]ml'iS :h:i'J: your ~verryday wake-up romine, \Vl:!en 11,b,e al,ftmlgue' off hi, th morning do you mumble to YOl!llSe:Lf. " 01.. no, [e'l me sleepjust .a)iu[ nterc, ,. and. hiilthD007.A! button', \Vih,elli the al ann j;!oesoff a:ga.in does <ill!1l, ]IDn~t"Q~ce ay;' 'lfs lime ~o get upf ' v You ~.f,11in might begin to &1'10\ Y0il] pi rarcs of )'clus.elf ruS.h'.m.g~o
zet dlres-sed and ml;~'ljng breekfast. Blit 'the bed is, so warm. the

o':IItl\OJ'iI <I mOitiv,"'~:Q1isthe Ac,.tdemy Award-whl1i:~ as actress Cher. \Vhen she tumed forty" she surveyed her life o:m;p[d'i.mep(. a:nd, disturbed at the Jack of th m, set to changing h r future. \"'hetber they are 'ciel!J!~u:Sl:5l. ~ctPIS, athletes, or buslnes ,! eaders, fhe [lwtivati{H'l of pcsitive insp'ratioH and negative desperation makes a nemendous difference in Pt;;Opt 's lives. g,g, wby do omc people ha ¥t;: such a tough time mod'"" anng themselves? VO!] 'WOI.IUl. think that uceess, lI! hie\lem.em. aM the ful',llbnent of one', gf~;:rte,t dreams would b so attractive, so irreistihly wOlm.d.ed\.d; that people wo'uJ:d have :n.()'I1,o~]bk . ening mehvatfiid.Yd forman}' people, gett~;n going i. a major problem .. ". Higb achliever y ]1[ t*es mOiPva~ion to' [;each their. ~ ds Oll:l, how do ~hey defi)1e moti ation? T11il~act Is motivafien isn t some Ii: ret f fonl1uhl ~o]dI Oldy h) Mar ,athlete MIld moti''l,fMiQ'[!al sveakru:s. [1'1stead, iE', ,a]mp~ mental, stra.tegy . OU can le.lI!rIIll t9 11' e for )"'ll.i: elf' S ',.H'!othlli1fgyou (alii. h,lIve whenever }i'IJ L~. need. it, There are .peei tic limes when we W.flFlt to be moti vated. And these ere different fWI'!I$ the rt ~ '""'hen we don't \I;t . fit to be motivated. Till" m~gh:tnnt make ense lJ!tl.li] yU~1 remember I:h3J~ there are things yOl~ are very nlmi\l'1altedlCl'!f~!.ard thlIln1ig:ijt [It.O:L b~ such gn:<It ideas. How IlIbo'tllt whe:1:lyou. WlI1lJt to e,at. moee GI~ocolatJe or [hat ;Ihird piece of pizza, or '~o blU;Y . omething else you don 'II, r:eUy want or [need? TIlli!9f:!l V!I'~,en w h~t you rea!Uy Iiil,eed is a proc astinl.t[]O'g;i g'~r:at~ 'egy, Pul • nether war)", we 11-ed ,~lmO't~va~iol'! tr ~eo)!when we don't s feel like doing SJometbh,!; bm we wain i,t don _ We want the results, but ~fs. hard ~,O ~Ie[ exdmd about tiI:ile process, Fer example, if you tb:inJk:about doing yl~,.urlaul;ldt . Pll)'U!l!lg your t:ms; 'or laking out the ru:11~gl.:.you probabJy " n't ei1Jj:oy.doing them, butyou do want them dome. When YOUli bos wa:niI[sa repol'il.on his desk by noon. ~m:l the ubie.c~puts you to sll:e.po because :it 5 so d~~li-y,ou don't fed ta~e de .~j;'1. to d, it, Yfiu want itdone,Wh~u 1.:. kn'i' We hould exerelse, bu t cl'l,j n,g it is, we •er, p<l~~n.dJlludgery,and lime. we want U. clone. '\~.r.ed(llIlJ'~,ahva:ys ,,-Val'll 'IDobeil'l'i;~ol\i'ed ia theproce s of dome omething-we wmu \.vi1a1t w'~lget ",..hen it's filliisbed!. Thar" when We need amonvarlcn strategy, and lhar'~, wh..al, NLP' (:a,1:1, give us,

covers fed! just right" <I~d y~l,I d:JJi~k. .. - 10 big deal: 1 c a1I wear 'wba:t II wore yesten"'la;y. Who need:.. breaHast?'" So )fOU hil ~be S!!1,gQ7...e
buuon again,

Then a. few mIDlueS hiler the alarm .,g~e~uU again. And tb~ liWLe :tha'linner voice ays, "'You' Viol gotm GET UP or you're g.oilJlg to beLA I and have real p(ublem ! "Thi 'ti.lJi:e,your brabil sLa.rLS howing you pictlUl"eSof getting to work hue and llaYing to! explain ~t to your boss, B ut yl(f~ [11iok yOlI e<lFilclr1'Vle~ ~iUh~ f;;jster '[0 w(I[ik" So'
back

Bill: [hell thai !l,t. rm goe" (]lITagain, and now tile voice hnully says, ·'ITS llM~E TO G6T P. YOU Ml)$' GET ..f'!Tt't Y'our brain sean "bowing yQU picn:1I'es of your cIienl~~ impadently w,<l!iHllg fot" you, tilillrelJIDening to leave. In yaur mind. YOl1r bot sis, el.'1ing.and $Cftnl'li1'Ji~ng you. [mlea~~n to fire, yoo. A nd wh'ei~Uti·' pic'l:m:e in a:l irog 'Ii'our mind' e e has 'become big enough and bright :r.l!Jllgil and
~Ipse enough and loud enouah, ,then Oil ll)i.• ·'OK,

1;0 . leep ym:1I

gel.

OK.

up.

Yo~'re fW<ltly 'OOol]va:~,ed.You got yourself going by nmki.ng IIilp scenarios f who t you Win 100move 'Hl'i'l,Y 1m"", Then lilt 'Ie· s anethet r p e of mot:iv.(th:ifl,H.:l!!!,'e Yl1u eI alwakened 01.1 re (lIn, fuUy aware you were on 'v~ca!t:i!on? I! you opened a A
T'

ru gel.

your ,eye, ,O'I.I began to think of what jo'uu\voyld gel b) d,a d~l d,,,),, 1. he vivid I.l ~ne of the wonde IfUI and del ightfl.d tiP,lf,.(jlfmniti~ ~Il you 1l1i.rrlH..Ipulled )1Qli1r nul n' bed like [I, ~irlan'u Ji]~agilf.t be: q1J.e~uiolJ1J 1ilo1'a5 ,only '''Vilat . hall ~ do fir t?" The quest jon of getting up or not n ee even enu n d yom mind! Just like that, there have ,bably beentime when you waken
t •

w[

l..

59
'If)- \;v!:JreIl he's IlJlJCU'!II_f'Otilmbh~. Whetl he pick1:)hi!l .friends, he's Uk'ly re pkk ,eop~e wh~[!i(m' l boili1er 'hiITl_IJe p:robably w@"~ mike a career move ullit'i I. he can' ~:sm:r_d his j)resem jnh<lJlyITlo~e. He moves ti~'i.'lJJftl)~~ wha:l be doe:Sri' t 'W;flI!iU. The ~llkl:mlliat~ve.MotivallOIl Dk"9ctiOI! II!>- to move ImVnl'-d wha~ yO:UI want Pile lI£ltUe, re wards, and g.oalls _ for eXaJl!IDI;pie. ~e person w~~dlIYrll;ki~$ o,in ~'he' lJl1L@i.mmg[.almg to gOCstrl' t wal1J' ~iO' :get out of bed 'to :s:tan ~ch ieN~E1~ his (It her dreams. 'fhilSpensCIIIl miglu be ilsking, '.,Wb~l Ic~~rn(LQ ~.6da,y? ''i\'118i~OI,po~.~I].it]es, i1Im[ guin.g .~. ~ave ~d!lr]' to g,eit clcser iliO :ih.e l[h]]]jgt; n teall y wa~l <l!nd desIR- :UFi!r [i[l,Y ~[fe?" This pe~1>Qnalsouses 'the same kind nf [[~otiv<llti!Jm~iC~decide the OOsI,Ume 111' tate' 1l fuk:;":k_perh.~p$, sa U~al he C<il,] hdk wi~ a fti'end, or I3IS a rewiUrd ,~ftci.Ci~_Hli1Jpl(![~~g !;O&e'lhin'g.., Wlliii.enhe.cpkks his f[~t3'l1ds-, he's ]jk~~' l0pkkpeop]e t!lHU Sl~n1H\lI~J!te im, He poohh ab]y mXiI)8. th~t '~Jree[' mO'iSeIDO ~o On to a btgger ~plf)()ml[li~y. He:
ml!Oves 1,o$,l.iClrU \vitruOCl he W:ll]:lts. At i:l:':S[ g]ai!ll!ce. a s ide-by-side tO~piEll["e50W! of the ,~t.nmr'd and €l~iA(;I}' fi'@l1l mmivali~1'l st[Si~eg;~eS" mOilike the ~v~'lI1ard mi{:lli¥,;Uio:JJilQCi]jJ~ s;~(l;er~~ m©ro !!:I?pealil:l.,g, feop]e ly Ml1lTh a ~~lW-.@Fd mOli(vat~_®n £I.e

]n '[he tnO[IrilJig for wort,. thi[lk]]~'g abOUl[h~ grelu I~fu]~gs_YOILl]/e'i, Ito d,@llliaal day, You t~iJJ©~gb~: aiJQIIU how doing lhlJ~~- things ~:vould lake, youww~rdwhat ~~ouveaUy !'V8!l1it W]n~ mose el!i.jo'yrin~m1ta~d feelings DfoocompUshmenwt" c9r~~~~(~fiGe,Mel CQIlf:id6Ji!1ce. "r-O[l_ s.~w p~chm;:s; Oil YD1!!oolf do]:t~g,[biVlgsa:l'lldrnov!ng r:o~,!I,(ii111 rewards ['Or Ulen':l. tile YOl.! saw how this t1lay wOUJ]d colUL~JC:!, to the :fit:xt. h:~<id]ng ~'owtirdt~e thillgs youoca]]y w.mle-:d in li~e"

Il'''JLP has d]]MQ<vemd t]]m tt:~_e8e tw~ ~ype:s (If mo,tivatUo~l wQ.!'k ilm veijr cd if[Ie:reIJit. wa~ SI, '\Ii,! Uh ve[')' ~i:lIerenl d1rection~ (Iud iie:su!ts" these

two ke'ye~e~en~;;l iJ.f mutiv"tt]U[I ar,e,whalNLP'

1I)~_rect~gn.,

f.1)~h ~e, MQti"v<l~_io[:l.

Thi£ di]remiOl!i ~ail'ii,~e ,eithe~ toward wh<l!t wewamu[n!f a;__way .fi',(Jm'wfua~we dmJi't w~m'fi. M!ti1ltiv~rr:i!ol~; "'f-e~Uon ]1'> a ~IDellMd D prog~llm, Ih~:[ 'lil'£e.<:t,s (~'tUr ndJeli;'!i'~~. At d"l~ bio!ll!)gtca1Qf phY,sk.sJ] e i!fliVe]. everyarle has de'i,(ek~PJ)dboth (U1!ClYjh'Jrn ,3!I:fid~Oh'lJl:d rm1[i vati,on; <l!way' [IiElm pain. disa~lmf-mt, ands:fl1e,s"~; 8!~~d (o\J./:aro pJ,(l.E1SU:re,
CQLn~[:"jrt, lIj]jJ;J,~daJ::<~[;kJml. The$'e 1l!I'every d]tle<lJe;llil w!ili}'s, to ~el met~v,l'lled ..atld both lIre[~:seJJIj~.1 (Ji]Herel.u ~,in]a,ti'fl];JJ:S:" ,AJt~~'an, U1I;ere [I are d~tI'Igewll;s, p:~.lc,e_s" ,1tl:u~Jlf[lLI ""G~'!{m_s. and m~g-'lliye tl"l~l!Th~jflg' worth Il'!o""~.ngl1I!m)llr()f1~, jusl <ISIteh~I_-e are, i'iA"ondenl'ul places, supj}olf[i'l1e and eJ.~Do'!!ldg;ing pe,aple. a~d pOliit:i-V;e: thil'l~ iflg 'WlrPrl~ mj)v~~g

~mvnr,d" EveFj©i!'le ~1S~:s.ho,HI di'recilio]1ls m seme ~1eg_r'~> and 'it is f~scinalu;]1g tlm<l* ,evel)',o]]e [ends t'Q s:Pe{:iaJize in one dli.remo[l or1lI1otuvat]cm ,Wlvar;a

more U]!!t!l[;]i;te cu:Il~!er, We

beeome more molJrvl'l:~a-cl either use th1i:same FQ.r

~;nlfl?lg~sof s~c~ess,_ pl;e!Ul1U:r~. and galns, or ,aNlwu),t(Jc:!~~:~aH! ~w~,pain, a:~d llol.'ii:S.

nllemall

like~y~Q s,ay! "'fb~'sabeUe:r W.l~ w UV{;. Just i~a~inew:hi~l yOUi W<lJ'l'ill <l![l]dgo: ,~(ij'li'li'ai_m ~t"" But. consider t~]s. \¥hc1m tilllie f()on:JJ[;enr-lpeif:llltw~l:e u[J;comfombk, ~s yuu do so.m.e~1i:]'uJl'lig ci'iangeil- ,\VhtIJiJ.someIto o~~!ebe:girl8 te]] ing hillf~lrnths and m;<tlJ.xJ.g ~M~le!lid~iS ,you dOl lIome:tl1img <1Ib(m:[~t ti~se .M€ '~~rl].wpl.leso.fa[l away fl'(M~ mO:l;o 'if"uJt~d!] T ,s:trat~gy in ac~~~n. ;[f yo~'~a !'.l!!;:oe:s:sfldl:l'Ucs~lile;s..,p¢rs611,. perh,lI!Hs ®~;e: o,u the t~![j]gs U:tallgm you thClre W-<1s, Hie rru;;mo:ry of [h.e ,~ver.ty in wh~ch }"QiUlgrew liIp. illf miitte:m beTingW.ose .nrlll1'd rimes. m[he pa_s~ I~Gfiv a vt.5 Y'Ol] to ]II_~~p ddving- ~GI" ~ beU.er q[m~]J[y {)f; nrc 1t}!(}W,Ihe]1l )fOIU' vem<l!@!e, an w-ppropri:u.~a:ndp[\Qdl:lc'ti ve WSf o,f j' 01iJ;r.t! way fi'().~~
I

NLP J;~seru:'Ch found ~ha[ peeple wU! tendte has pFo,gmmc f©,l" mod V<liliOI1l in \v klu]y different

:1'lfl[li[lviili~~_(}Il,

sjUHI1~OliJJ&,

example, the pel'soll whowQu[dn' [ &E;:t: up in lh~m.Q.rn.ingl[JJntU ,~e sees ~.lnel)iI:.;!~bl1~geQf [lJful!; boss yel~mga;[ h lm l1nd~rutafeniiJIg .~(), ~re hru~1sMQtiva~ianD[ro~Uol'I wiU be!'(~, g_~l aW~IJ" p-t[)nitf~e pruu, disoon-rron.ill'Id the tlieg-a(]Ve consequeaces of his b()iSS'~ tme,trrs,rnt is very ILk-e!y he will move til thls same directian ~nmany t'l1~]J!ff1i:re<i:s: of h4s1 ~~~. POlr Ic:x~pl,e., ~1lepifobaMly det ides .~:mt('!HIDe bJW.l':.e 01J brl~1I$;

The belletils I(Jf~o1-'1/litr(Jn1l'~t ion ~I:~ ffllneob"V[ot:l$. The people i.vat w",,~a:rd g_oaIs!lJld ~w~udl' .UJe: greatly V~h;lOO h'lt ~y;r society. U you~(}pk in the "he~p W%I(!UW" <Ids of ymlf Iloca] sewspapeJi". y(m' -~ find ads se<~k:iE!g I seU~mQtiv.[}jted, <~if11Thb~.~iol~S, fO.:l"\iV11i!~d" [hiIl-'.li::fi11g ~~U-"'t~t8_____'~[] other 'words. peopl!e who are lill,'lQ~i 'Il<lted ! ,fo,well'd. 'hi,. den'l<lndfCl( l'Qwunt-mohvafe,d u.1I1di 'idl~ iIs hilils mJl~Y V job ~p:P']icamilt~p:[eleru:1iLlfig~~dJe; s.rune:thll!l,!;1; lbJf:)' at-,e nolo This
WihQU§lO\\'e

m.u

60

t,

0,

ING

MOl'IVA.

'ED

iJiI! "l af erviee [0 allY, .De. When we 'el!l'~lIIJimne. he advantages of both t diil;eCl]OnS,of mot']vatllon; well nd that :.I, ra.i!'~rd oriemation i's more geal-dire ted mid an a\ (J.-I "rom oriernation is more di~'eC:ll;!J~ ~OiW3ird ideIilr:ifyillg and slolv:i:ng pj\ab~ems.

The Effects of Motivation. Direction

'Bolb typej of rn.ol'ivailiofi have advantages and di ad vanta:ges. moderO'llion and ,e:;,;.tl!eme ., For e:xamp]e. orneume me peo[lile a:re Hom,~ti,\I"ilJred w~t\ard ![:biek,goals Ula;t they may [lJit even con ']der wh<l~problems they might run into, or what dim.cu]tie:; to prepare. £(If ,along the '._ay. Th~s ,. pedfJl,,:ocHile-'me'lal." kind ,of menlaljty i~ a ,oo:mmo:n lr,1li~ lJJi "o~llg en:u~'1"flleU!.\. As 11 '[,e£lruit> they ha ve ~,Ogo through Ihe' 'school [If hard knocks" andrnaneuvsr around several [pothoTes before d}ey realize Uileimpmtance 0, 1I,\'oldln' diffi,~u]ties end e~Jtl:!etdo i~,tl1ems-,e.ives or hill.': rnenne ru do it ~O'rthe:m. At the

'f.be~e are st!;ong incentives to ~u;:bon. Bll'~ U e far1lli:ter tIley get from their p:ro.b[eQl ~r souree o[ pain or d~'tcomfcrt, the les :S~,Oll. i'I eems. s. a .resuU of th~s.pe)oJ.!~e With n away fuml mouvaunn . trau:g~! win kise ,3 lot of their n'Loti.\i'Hti.on as 'the "llfiI\ea~" is expe'[i!e]llo~d,as r~I.·t!he:r and j'~mer aW;1!y-IIIltH me problem m: th1l;,~.t, arises again, A ayJrom mO'li,WI~ioi!li is, often cy~.lical; it \ ill. tend to run h·(Jllaf~d co[d-f'fOl'lJi high monvation ~.OflQ metiv lion and then back. agairr. Setond. b~aus' people with lIhis direcrion of motivation are moving. (lW(Q' from di.slfeS' .• discomfort, ' r pain me.y d'lIiI·t~!a.

much ·,~.ueB~i®'n0 where the:y·n: goiIi!ig to ~nd~p. O~n t~l~ .ft:~'Iilg [ of PAl:] aad into 'lJiwfille apl~y describes what SQ~etimes bappens when
'1.,(1 iI,1!Iluch .aHentiop ig 'pami to pl1oljjlem~. 'Th~u: aUelilll.OD 1S on ~vh,at 'they· ,aon't W!L1;lt. and not ~M: Wh<llt, Lhey ,d,f] -WOiln~.Or to plll~, ~t~l~t~,er wa, • they won' t see where tliw;y· re goi:n.1l' because t.hey keep I()~kiJ'lg where U:le}', e been~lhis i. sometimes caned "poverl~' " 011-"C'lOUS~

flilie'r oedteme" .orne ~l~©:pte ean become So a~vaJifrom mot! vru· d tlwt they liIfif: IlOO Iterri6ed toO try anytbing., They CiID ~~l .0 involved in :the prGolem they eI"e lJ!"yitl!i to sQ,lve that the} forger why the),

w.e:re do]ng it.

By thi- lim' rou've pifobabI_ begun to wonder v hLh type 01' mo:Uvauon yon use and h,ope W3l if-s, low,ewel. Remember, it is pO'S~ible to be. very successful w]t}'lIeitll]!e'r <Ipp!l'ollcll. W!wJe the Id'war;d' 1l1Ob.'Y<ati·n the more ommon]y appreciated fill) i· ,il!'tiol~1Oi . L h1g11ly saece 8.fll.d pttoph~. the I ss appfCdat.ed ,f,!way /J'Om morivanon can also m[lt~ lIoU very succc:s.s.fuJ. Martin Zweig. ibe 1f'3mo1ll!sarid highiI·. regarded, stoe'lt foree ster, anges over a tlimofl donar in as ·et . Hi ,,[od;: letlers and books ,ar'(,l: m'@'wn H~'in~es~)ors "~~d,dwide. Dr. Z~"'dg uses ,1In an.. y /ri'lm a motivation to lilIJiiln~m]ze: hi ..losses. Hie wili '[111' lake 0, much .. pli!!~n;' ill the: S~ [ arket and shen he ,HI ret out. H.e h s h] I imlts ~Xiljd:l:e8pe;c:~· hem, ~~1d'~h:ishas, made hi rn v'~ry ri.cb. t 0'1', Zweig' 1J ty efCe-cthre str,ilI.~;egypoints d'i'recdy at lh:u:ee[IMgs everyoae who uses 11,al'~', r,om Motil.' 0011 :lJil'et.li.on needs t be
I

aware of. Firs~" wheillJJ omeone moves a~~,,)'frt')m sonl.e~h:ilJJJg. rhey' r· s doing SCi bec!fusec'[hey're e;xpe-rient.]ng discom~o!1l, even i1earcr paifl ..

'fhird,pcopI~ whe llIse: <lin l\Iwa !rom mi)tiv~ti(lh. need lQ p1li~ anennon ~O tbeir level of anxiety (] tress. Pe;Q.plewbu are moti\ij',aued _awayfrom ~hing ~flen experience <'I. Jot of p<lin and won be:~ore they'.f,e motivatedte act. If lItey let tiNe sm s or <l.tiXje~y ~Le\l"e] ~r'ttoo b~.gh before-they react •. it ,could ~,ffiect tlll,e,jr he:al:lh Mid wellbe-in". IDn some bus.ineMi'l.'!s. J.t is, a bad,g.e ,af Lmnof to work well Ul'ldet pIl\'!S:1il!a: 'yet the s.ame dec ']o!1sc(luhi, be 11uuJ:e' W]ti'lt a .1 'less stress. oil High b[· Dill pres.:.'w'e and ren l'OiOlI'l head ~ches, art; only. fWO of. the re:suUs of storinf; up stress in (he body hi afore fin~Jly taking ,~CUOf). hlB'le-ad, tllle:se ~1:e ,eo'Ph~i (;(1[1 hi learn 1001 react cadier jpld O~ Ji' lu level ()f di omlorl wi'j}'mm :;u much stres , like .IJr. ZwciO' and maDY other e:fFe;tIDvede tsien matke'. .fl.er aIL. hO'i,\\11,ltlud doc", a telephone have to be to lId ,OU Irnow ~Il nee4s, to beanswered? H~,w m:tc;oilIi.foiiiwJ:)l~due" a 'Chail' ha ..· 00 he before you win move? ~l all d~pel]d on y,our s, nsiti \r~ty. Achievers det-'clop their: en. ;lt~Y.i'!y to peogp.~e <:linde~lvi:n}mnl,enU: ~O they 'can have [he .mo$~ ~e~llnl.D1Y .!(bf aerion, moving while they still have ,1]. hoice, before {l'B!1:!1 or dis'comfort foe; them Ito mnee. They know [hIlt ·the kind of rnoti ~ t]OI'a, they u e affe·ct:s, me' (:lu.tllli\l~ of tkeir Iives. The)' know how to pond. .~ d~s~(lmfort while they are still small <lilil,d, OOcO!lle more
> I

ne;ss.·..

N
mo[i!'lfa~edr0l1l'ard !ipe-ci{l~aJJly

p
planned d:i 'lre.e:~ or discomforts 0 Jl dull their re··ponses+just Uh the P or horse ina local caralval that have to walk around and awund and around. l11eIe s al iJ dl:c dangtlf of pu 'Iling 000' bawd, ;in wbich ca 'e U'l.epe['$ol,I,W,::iUjust gei! tU"L'a· fram the whole situatioll!ph)'Slc<Jmy ifrne, can. and me~:m.U" if they COln't A much m re usetul and pm{jlJictht. way Qj: thinling. about au\aJ! jrom. M,ati.'ilalion Dire·l,ion js.asa·ra ffJ1npmb~ems. Mi:lJliYor these people are el\cellent. pmlilem solver . If evenin their languan-,e. lih(;':y aJlt"eitle ones Ilhat oome up fo you and s:a4'. "Excuse me, \V,e' ve t g;u1.a pmb]e111 here.' Tli!iey see <I pmb~ ern" aftd they have tOSiQ~ it 'lie When they've solved a particular] dif oult prohlem. the .p rlesee arr e~~tniona[ relax,iltlion. ml inn- r' 'aha." fir "eureka." On the olther hand toWOl"tlmotival,OOpe')p]em:e going IliiJwa.:rd goa~s. rOta. can h.~at[" it ill. Unei:r ~<JjnguElgeas w~n as w'hoo. they, a)l thir~g lit.:e."My goal is w'ea,lft.h, Dr recognition 01' to 1til,<'l'k1!. dif~ a terence." .1\. they get meal'i'Ulimbl.y .loser totheir gO<l~s,. [hey ~IJerie:ncc .a.nen;uJltioifUUIpeak, o;!,ll inner "'yes."

hat they Wari.l i.liil life while be.~~g alert for pnjb]ems and ~jt!.ladon 1)_ avoid, FOI~tgn!uelJ with NI P, we can ~earn bow to US>f: both .Q: a~1rom and [award motivation.". e bow thal paitl1l, tress, and di'!>'[I1~s~ .are o,bll)nld. U Y011 cboose ,. you C~Iil Jg:e:[ t~!el'n_lIJO~t motivanen ~v~h fhe i least discom oft and witha great deal of pi easure ..

How ..~an.a~,ge-rs Implement Can Motivation Direction

Sine" bom aw,t:ll irmn and un ard motivation are important, we iJ "them born to' de:!iber,a~ely mod vate ourselves, We CM .i!!i.Q' use J;ftle;m. to niJJO~iV,l~e 'Q'UnlFs. This how~ed;e] e peciaUy rlti.'l'i·io!:f~1.1 ~d, manag r O:ll[jd sapervi ors, In ~11Ieirw{lrk, manage C~Htllll~ckiy aotice b 'wolids and reaction [l"ute l'l~ of others thaI. illffeoolill people are moti~ at cl mil d~:l1e~ellt ays. for ex mp]e son:t~· eople are more w p mDtiv.at'd by aw,illld. balln.ases. :mcemj¥es. and pn ise, hey'U. WQi~k hard ]f 'lhcykn:lOw thiey corn g<'tlf!.a ~ri.p to 11lCBahamas .. <I. new cae, or the a:ppfilJeval of a II:ru,~red -superio:i, They mJk about goal s and ta:r£et~. they tell youwaat tbey'd Uk to analn, gain. ·til ,i1dlie:v,e. With these ·people,. an effec'l~ve tlULR!l.g r would US' wward motivalion incentives: targets. peres, reward . FtiJ those WUl1C)I ~!!'vayJ,rom m~l[i.vatimJ!, ~'l:JeSa:rlrl.e peTk;. and use ~"",<trdl" mean very little. s a manager, you might thinkto yourse]f. "1 offer '[hem an these re ard: and they're .,tilll s.iu'iJlig on thelr duffs.' You mi bt g~t fru traeed and yen at them, "If you don't p.r,aduce. yeN!:!' re cut of hcr·e~" nr yeu In.i.ghtllrefer~'(l' express, m' a soft, '~riotlts voice concern wh~ tJruim:m.]lJ'len~ possih'Uty of 1a:~tQff:·. Suddelluly, [I~:ey It It working lik . crazy and producing iili ne '~r before, A!'i an obser ant mRflg_elt }I'm.!can 11511]ize, .,Ahl:ill. \l e hav . same people with away from motivaeon. The. e people are :moH'v:ared by aJv,oidi1llg ~11:~]CIiI!In:~'Ol[ ~:~g.tl~V.e. sihlOllti.on~, ,; ]0 GwdGf ]1!~i[ to be y'eU~d at, to rel ~e'i,letheir discern fm.l.. they wi U]:It duce, ]3: e fore (I1]S sounds li a "pseudo cienri hc j usti ficllI.t! on far' , spare I.heJ1od • .spo~] the hild," Or "No pain, no g in," Uo ..v LIS I!l qllJl.ic.ldy [add Unit CCill'lia:uuaUy p:HJdd,ing p.ellple 'Rl 'move, ,,,way from call
c

>.

If }fUll:! are a man:age:r. i.t'$}':OUf j,ob I~O anderstand both kind of m©lt~v.lIlion ~Ili;i to nril)[:iva~~ Y·OlU people according!)' . Here s a l[a~,egnc-p~mHl~F1g[tt;{lel you .c~·Iil:use w~llli gJOUps.and teams wh0re! r people witllt both 'tY'pe' 0 mati varion are pre ent, Remember. their MOlotlV· [~OI1 Directions an oppo: ue, ..•'l) tile:}' ·wiH tend ro arg\ie \",11['1] each tl'tmer if you don tprovidc gl.l id<lll1l~ce nd dire) lkl!fll. a Let' "I1.Y you w1mt yom group or team to fO:i1iluhltc. then r organil;ll1!:i.on 'Oil' gr,(ll~p ~$Zlal. Asyou beg~fJ1 ~I]' present w~ a'tt~0l!11 want, look Oif'ollllnd~h rom for team m -mt! r who are re pOrld,ing PQ~i,tivel.y to your ma ssage. The, e tOl Cl'ftl moLiv!!ted il!~div:w,lla] are PfQbabl.¥' the ones noddi uS in agl1e.emen [ Or who begi n .~~ea~'fI)l jain the du scus:iSi~m1, tiddiIlgl:'Qi Y0l,llf lead, ,envisioning pos;s,ibil[tue~. ,froba!i)[y OTil.~.:ii' a 6e!JI.'momen wUJ pas~. be:6oFl! an tI. W(.[, IrQ.~'1 motivared team nliiember will. break in saying a "That'll n ever work, or \1,,1.'£,¢1 tothat 'effec~ and begin. to I~ t <In the reason why. U is very ~mpoi:Ulnltl11l[ yDuli!iten respG:clfii;!L]Jy .and Urt.e:llpo~n[ @ut that pm~]e.m-I]I\i'i'lil.g
T

64

6'

. TWNG

MOT~VAl

65

skiUs <lire c['UGiaUy inlpOnanll('l: 'f in Lh process, but that ~hey ,Sire prernarare at tfuIj 1I}Orint R.en'lember, the NtP Presu]Tpo"H'iuOiS ,,~a'IDe haI pcop,h,'! are al~
,,'ays Qlakingtite best d'!iQioe ,:waUa.bl~ fo (hem, asd un,dIe.·.J' iililg ~'V'elJ"'ybeha''1m;' isa positIve inten'l:ioJl. Ai!. ybl)!l, look: at [il'iaJ wa~ member ''ltb rai ed lb,e,j;I:bje lion. yiou are seeing [he. e P~uPV sitions in ;action. This, p. rson' personal history and aanrral I\rlotivation Direenoe rnakie:U Wlp6t<'llriv;ethat he tell you the error of' :yOUI' ways 1)1" th~ \ Y of the rtl"f 'of Lhe team before Ulliiug get _ny more unccmfortable orpainful. Mile you rtlil:Jile':qleriellcc hi. remark a t'okl. water on the spOildkof an idea jll'lst.struting W bum. ilie; s~es <:I future b]az out of COn11'o]thaI is, best slopped ri,gl.nnow. Hi", intlentkJn is, pO'S i!Jive jut as, an the iil~e:nHgpl'> off a] I rQtl'lermensbers of YOU:u ~~am who alsc have obje~Jin]'lj~L They ah~ being l,e!lID prla.y~ ers, it's jY~I: thai l:he:ir timing, is a Oil early. It I your role as m,ana~T to 'lill1j!sest [0 th~group a better plaa, FitSI! let the d:rea.mers dre<!;u~fully. AUow the ·'sulll s uers" lor envision their Eiigges,[ 'ifisiolls ex.pJoring the limit of pos ibility, sa W[l;L[he "problem s~)lvers" have ~~Jm~thirlgfa l:i.olvrt;!.Yli.nJ could even 1.Ilt]g,gestti:mt tbev begin by eparating mlo two grlOUps aeeund Lfienr !ib'ofl:ger 'imerest:s elf ,kiU. : goal and dream' on the nnehaad. "l]l:d !l\lo:uding d.iffi,~dti!e.s and proMem 'o~,vin,g on [he oJin.e:r.With the re two reSOlltfoe teams in diill·rcm,pan of the room or around the r~ab]re, ave r.he tmwlilid motivated team begin [0 develop the geal, h dream, or target, Stress t the (Hva):' "rom metivared rearu th~t t1tey remain ,s.j[eut asthe ,em fuJly not delWn~ll~1 ne aijv~~ 0 no 'the ~I:l'Ii'Q;Mem ~ip through .. Wl~en the ('O...·\O'·d mO'livur.ed dreamers haveTOl"llr!:'lkted their goal ~eUm:g"lib,· k th m.for rill y, roo, have made the best chotec lh)' n 'ca~ "viU~,~ best of irn,[e:n'~ 'rbelTIl. add that ~f there ~!,Icroany ion. weakncsse ill ~hi g 1ft! orr pl<lifD" 'we cc uld \l\!.ait for the mru:ke:rpllac~ fl' our comIHi ioro~()show us. or we can have probkm-olvEng tearn [ell ~S, now and d6"ve]op <I liellUy olid plan tilHU isready ~(lr
I

the pOliellrtia[ problems and h Ip formlJl:latc 'O]Ul]91i .. By empJoying both Mou'\:':a'ti(),n Directions, yOU"lie: lJI.sing bolla upside p]alwlng <lind downside phmningin segll.ellCe, 'Once yourp ople: have ~eamed (his pattern" oommurncation between diI~ two gtroup· will be b cd qtl <lin

f1p']ln~d,ationu:f bothrypea uf rnoUv-at'io[i ,I:Eidlhin,ki,ngt.yle. Ihis will bring om ~be:t~ll.,en'ts :~fid resourees of all the people
t am. Good:ompa!lf~@.
am.. ~

'. and
011y~UI'

~iveJy, because both are rCtw::i;i'i[to SI;U::c;ess.Bq;l:IaUy t~l~,dalas the ·eq~Ulrenc~:: toward .first" aad awa' rom secoed.

glJod man~ge

balance thee

effec-

me

Utilizing Motivation Din~c~ion in Commun:icaHon

If you I1e ghlUn 0'. a sbort instruction, howev'el'" it work· betrel' to reverse th sequence. ' ery day, 'v<tCH of u i 'Galled!upon. to give i.nstmq;tkn:iJ.srto someene. [lfrlipt be as simple <IS how 00 unlock the ,garage. or how Jt.1rlew<I!nt .a report prepared, or as impuda_nt as die c'l.omg remark ofa cl:i!en(presen,tati.on. Years. of observin OUF~ selves ~f~.df}lhe[s have show[Q,r.h~lt ve:rY9n~n people will first Slate what they do want ,and then mre wh1l1 the,y don; t. For ,example. •'Turn lire g1l.1!~.ge- haadte an 'the l.vay to 'the righ~. bur don' t J~ gle it @F puU .0[1 lt." We' liteheard the same kind 'of lhing :i'll:l the office when a weU-intended. SUp ..rvisor says, . ',yet me aha! report by tomorrow,
g

and don't WQ'J!'ry about m~kingi[

perfect, This

'i~not

:iI

ctiem

'eUlal,io.ll. ~" Re~lembe:f t1'!!e[liitTpaC[ of negative , ~aWlr:lf:le[n.·[Itart we ' rdl~SCl1s,sedn the pre. lou ...chapte!. We tend. to ' ocu on" and even do, i what. is contajned in ihe Ilegati.veta~eme!1:t Vn~nthe neg.<ltive i~, lasr. we. w:nd to remember it more 'SU'··ll'gly. J CI.rI mg .our mi.nd n
what not to do, ratherthan what [0 do. If i.t seems like we"re mak'in~ a big deal out of little .I,anguage,. Lake a m_Oifi nr W Hlel] h) the l~oHowmg two slallern-ots, R,~ad them as ilf someone yO!l:J1 ll~llP C[.iJ sayi.l:ig them to you. otice any d]fterence ~illiI you.J reeling or auinrde b tween t'l1e[1l1 on e y~J!,]'Vreeompl,~ted. both.

'f)~

me

;aoydul1g. l'be goal di:r~c~edtoward motivated team' job ls to fi!!IJ:t{~,O'tU Vi.ihcre 10 gO.1Ulld 'the prroblenHiDI.vil1g. a ,~,,"')Ifrom motivated lellm'!i" job ;1;., to disc.uss whalll1.i,ght Slop !.I frorn genil]_g ~,h,e ~(J. identify

•'This time Iret.·sgeT this done on Umt::::and unde Ilmdg:el.SO no gmod umdil1O', rpet projects, or W,t minnie changes, OK?"

L
A majoll"ity gf th~ peoplie we hilve 'enC@il:l~lt~red use mr:a)f [f'om
Mp;ti lIl1J;l[On D]re~tiol'll Il.lQ1:e~h~n lowar,l:i. U'yQU Me o~e of th~s;e pe~}p]e. adding (bis fie,W ofd~r[Y(]< you:rse]f-CO,wmli.mlc!!.1ioI1JSo

•~l'rns 'lin~e, ~() g:ri[fJld,stajldj;~g. jX't p!1!:)je~t~.. Of last J]lU[llne ch2'o,§l'l's.. Let's gel litis done O~ Hille end under b[ld!gel. (]IK'?" U you ,are like m;DiS'~p0;o:ph~, [M second s;l!!.~m~lu is; more 2il)peO'l~]i[iiJJg<l[ld pO!llti.ve tthan thl:l f1]";st The crucial dif{e;retlCt ISU1.a.1 in [he first, s:h'ltement ,YQiIJ were h;ts.! directed tl(}war,rilbe go~ll and 'cben left witb t1l1,~ 1l?.r(lMt;mStJorav~~o:, (m.d i~, ['I'l;e;,,s~c'or~d.YQU W~Je ill:irst. Q:fi'e[!ed the p'[obk:ms 'M:li' ~~v(Dudi,and the[lpo]rlJt~cJ Un~l'ir{/ ~e goal .. 1'h 111 Clllcia] COn1JlnlUlJi.c'lt]O~. p<~n.em ~lt;t(S p,~<liyred c!l!~~:~: r~Y(;)ry level ~f our $odety. mnth!e]'~92 p.r({s~d.e[Uti,<;]W d~bfrres. ~e~n~P.l'£!Sid~ll~ rGeQ[ll,e:B;ll~h fiR~ ~t<l'led wh:lIl1:b.e h~~d C:iO;mke:'fG;[ tlliL:: Uni~ed Sta~e.s dut'~ng lib tenn in JlJffice, JLhenlldded wi],1iti he hll.dn·u done or wr~,a~ mistakes ltIebad ~:nfl!il!de.. Whi~e w,e~renot is,~,gffi~.';~i[lg 3i~QI1~ OQ:sr~ him reek.ttiOlI'l, c(msidd Wh.<I11 $eeli.mg:; ~h:i:sleft ia the minds, of mi UjQ]ThS ofte[evjjij.i,cnn Vie,",'el"S ~nfl V'Qi~e[£. Th~s bet:omes ~V~E1ri1Qre: significant when yol.] 'GrO]Thh'<l!st P~es,ideli'J!tIl1l8fu'~ ]ailln,gU1i;1!lt: wBh LhatQlf indepemiIent caiil.~did;ilte RHM, !!?end. As YGjd, mlliay recall, MLP~m~: h:srd !'[~, qU'all~lii~ aboul ~e]1 U~ how bad 'Ulings, were asd how b8i.d in.g U'lre1{(;Q~ld ~~t How could we; sJ<'L!ndl®; ~i:sreliil:Ito, :him.? me~<l:1l8e: he always ~;efl 11]1; with ~. posituve ac [[{J[l st!Ue'mfmL Helbliiri.d ways [0 s.ay ••. ~AI.l'ile;ri,Qa i!iin:!:I1()ub~.e, and we aeed 't.Oget d01wn :~]'JIl[lIe lrn;;mG:hes and uncler thJflhood and :5* I~~US' thuliil:g.," Wlhal 11 d[f~ef~mJl ]mpt,essi()'a]. he 1eH ~nU'We' il'ldI~ bf'Vutel,'s. m . Wh'i~~ YOlLlll.ay :[JJc¥lhe' ~1&~][Jj'~]jJJg pilJe:sid!ent'p'f lini!!: Uni.lied State~,~ fOi[

make a hu~ dlifl~ren.ce '~!O you. MatLlThg your ~s.U!3i~ negadve eommenr and men dtd~b'e:r.[{lie:1y f0]10Wlfig H wi~]la posUive: goal mre~fiS rille
jf YOU'I't ene of t:t1os:epoo,p~.ethiU

wm

you'H De e:IJJ~:i;ilg 1~,llC~[I]611.l:'lht \'lthb a direct:i.ol1 t.oward wh:at you w.a~{, Ibd[JJg;i.[I:g y,o'!jiI ml)l'e in!~ balanee. .
0[1
©dler hand.

nauiraUy

£mvitate~[o t~e {;owlrird er.idinf the MotlV1'It]U!ll. Ditei:<l~!il:n•. ~dldm,g this lc.o~1t~mkat]o[a pil[:te~:[JJ wi I~ gfieatly e,nh.lIN.Ce yti%lJr resul ts W:it~1 tiller ITWijorHy 'of I~Qple y~m m~e'~. 8,[~~{:eram,ajo1;'~~Y ~[peopre need '10 's,t'a:rrl.
b~ fiOtiC~I~g whllt they duu· ~ worn~ ~n OI'r<i.elrIDO, -g~t meti vOl!~ed. willell yUtI Q~Hl!l.rl!Jl!micaIDe with theW!, you U~l 'begin U'!!e~ arndlhe~, ilW$:~st

~ms

th~m Mad ~.o'ur[Sej1·by ,ol{fer]ng theml giO~~S00 go toTh't1rd

)lQII,!l

~J,ec!)ea~i[lg ;j mpresS[Clnll every day with

ql~a:ll<Ufn1.l!ll~ belli~fh

YP~ can gel ithe

El'f this .i.lliSigllt '~,[l:~GM~oirriv'I!t:i.ej],

eV1eu'0Qe

J'O~I~:u:Ji~l'!'~,

Directiol1l simpl.ly li;Iy r,eplruraS~!lg ),'QI)!W·~omnruent;i;in. [he ~OH~iWi[lg owd~r; firs,L rnl~g~tjjve~thrernt [IDs:~ti\l'e_ Finn Sl<He w1TImj"o:U drr.m.'1 W<Ij[I[ and I~:b~ Sm~1;l\vh.~Jt you do ~'laflL Som,e peopl e ~llli$,i they ~mfE w~nl sl ttl ever say OJ ~l~]:r!!ka neg!a,~lvle ~hQught This, is Illidmir<!i)~e',kl!lJ:~it is a~sij uJ1reaFist[~o:,lxca!use you'd ne:V~iI: be ~~Ireto !1lil,l'e Cl[llure<chve: Er:;oolbac:k.Vh~[lever youtlllk ~bO~l S~'[!lelhi'lg Ilolheil'lg what Y~1l \

wru:n:ed,. whether

hwas

a meal, a

m~e'[ing.

~ !l1Q1l!i'e. 011 ~'OO~u:s.k 01' CO°,

[ dale-y[)r~'re rOff~nng Qj)lrreetl¥€; negative teedhaek. Neg~tj·ve ~~dIOack .is valu.a.Me .~:uru dre:v~~OrpiJ]lg dear !ooI11l1nl!s;~ between w~'lliat .1'1. YOilt ({XmfiWOll~ll1fid wh~u y@,udQ wsm. Seq~e;flc~~g! 'rbern wmk~SI_d you to h,[l'VemH)re of Ul~e.xperkl.nc~ yOU\''li'.:1FH.

my [lOW yo~ have a good Idea 'of wtJ:a[ MOiliv,~lrlmi)i Direenon is aad ]how people use It (0 gel .m(Hiv,ated, There's ~.l'lotJher aernr ill arU f this [ha.~:ac~s, ~ii:e as.l!peT,~bo;ll_rga OJm, [)!CDple:'.s rn.otiv~tl:fm.!l!~d th~ll JS U)@]Ji ~]M;~S;, Va[u~ :a;w :S1:!!~(rem~y~mpC\1it.a]]jl. They are me rneasurV ifig ~~i~k:sof nEe. W~~al W~ vatue determines 'i;:l,Ilh,a.t Uf.emeans to us. what actions w,~ will take" w~nt 'w~ will mOiV,e lOMlrJ~'I1()il" u",~cD~ /mJtl. As we nm~d earliez; attfle r1ili1i¥,si.caJ level, Qnr[l.:.lo'[ivation Direct:lio]JJ me~liJ.sm.o~if.l2 lll'vay frf}n~ pt.lilill IUl'dm.Qv lug tmv:ar'tlplie,1!SYf!l:. .A:l !tne ~,eveJ:sGlf't~:lOtlg~ts arnl(::I. 'fe~l~E1\gs. ]l! m'1e:a]1lS mov.Wg t~1<\'\~J( IfrfJ~1i or ,toWrOO!'d valnes. A cf!!'te~a:~. plJint herr::: isthat 'Ii.';ih.efi eople become p d!tsccJn[J;.ec'~ed frow their Vtl:~r1:leH, lese tlilleiJll"Iotivation, All 0] us '~hey prol:l~lbty kilGW pe~p]ewho are ,exampleoS ,(Df this. They are so di~ connected fliom their values l~fa~ 'tbey sit f[(f ,&l!tmffionend in frcnt ·[jIf vbe ~e~ell'l!S]O[]l, Hippiill!lgtbe remonJe contw1 from gD.e cl:i.aliilnel to 00.(Uhe;r, [hoping 1[0 find :so;unetb.ing <I!!iI11Ju\~iru~; or ,Uistrncti~g. To'(:) u:ften We c:~~fi nd ou:rse:lve~ o.n aUrwn~atfuc pj,l'gtaJ:td wJOl:U:~er ane:niV.ud when;:: 111re lime went. So,rne of th,ere~] t!n.nh~]'i[ies, em the preciousness tOf ] ifle a:rud the imJoll~J1Ce[)<f ];asUng V~]Ue..5,a!re se~IOir citi~mlJs+ As.ks.oIUf::' of thes'e'.
>
a

68
'UIIU. [0

L
Sometime

G.

people who have H.... out most uf 'Iheir live. wh,afl) really imporred I~henl.,arid ~nl!'l,eof '~he~]~, will ~ay,•. 'I wish rd ~!'!a.'~c.hed.m!t}~ television:' or ., 1 really should ha\lti sp I1U more time worrying. " Inslte~d, they of( 1.'1 'f~fIeel on the :i.mp,orrl<lJ'l(;e of Iconnecjjing with rarni1:y aJi1~, friends, A_lli! (hiey reecunt wi'~.h['idj,sh rhe choa;l.l.enges. , dverrtures, and triumphs nf their Iives. If they expres any regrets, very few of them .y lb"y tn:l]y l:egreUed anYitbin,g ih 'hud done. W:!1.111[nMllIly of them regret W.1IS\Vbflt they banI'!" l done. ln a :nru~~hel], U'1e:y wiU tell jlun that the ofienl@t the tim ,of their hves slip through their fingers, he hadn't identified their 010,-"1. important val ue s and t!'len dOlillce.eve["yUti_ng file)' ,c~u~d to f~,~!fi the.m, Ins~:e8:d. II 'ttbey 'd wasted thei r time on p~ocy PlJrS!JIit~L Their w]sdom C1:!I[i,gJl" de

u ro make l!:'Ilthel: choiees.

a c:hoi.Ge" R.ec~~n NLP' dle. PreSUPPQSlllon: If on,epe.tson ,can do somethli Illig, ,Hnrylilfile c<l1ill.leam lo do! it" AIc'e'[here peap,le :in the \~'otJd lOiEaUy c;ommmtl;t:d t,Or fIJI dllng their 'values, Of oon·l"Se these are, 'l'fs itlIply <I. matter of dicuv.ering how thes ,e;){pe:rts fHie<l.lt1!"ady uswg tl!~:l'~r rains se tha~ w~ cal] b dl!p~katt: w[. The NlP '(echnique,o\l"re about to dO will g:et ' our Can
QU:!" conI!l{~{)tioJ.l ~~b '011i"V8lj~iH;:S be w

mestl mportenr va~ue..s, r~gnt [i[i) front of you ,h w 11[ ,1I1:soonnect your c 'If,MUeS w]$hynur act iOEl5. :sO you'l ~'Spend more or your time en wh<lre,
~on real] want to ;Hl:h]ev'~, y ou rnay f no it very lore' 1:1] UJ gel a pell Of pencil ~Ild' .'!lenGle, - xira paper to note d.oWXil the answers .0 these ~,l~eSiI1o!1$,
.. \~UJ.l

are my ~. @Is?
]mp~rUlilt Il.()

..

:w1I,1,atis

me'?

ouran wets c,uld e ar~elF acbivem"'fllt, II I rle of I:if~ YOMI want for yo!.!rs-e:if aad your fmnil y, a v 1.«:aliOI1, a ne\ I'0b. alI oppt:l[[1:.U!Iity. Oil a relation ship. WTh%'l~e'ver ~~is" t~1i of i~:now, get :it in [11;: mind; _ven g [ e . er [ goal s :i:llf'.mind..On~cyou •'lie dOID e th,~S',even ~homepart: onhem ,aren't dear, a k yoursel nile e three que tion. about each .~m~J:

.. Wh~t"!tl im;portwuout tltis, Qal'! " Wh.alt do .1 Vah]~ u,r b"eaScu:re ahour thi. goal. ~What meaning d,Q 'Ibis gi)lfI] J'dd fmr me'?

(me' 'WOrd wiU (:ome to mind, like: freedom. oh Jlenge, Sometin1e.s if. nl'igh'l t:t_l1-1 O1.e form of aphrase, g,!.Ici1as "achieving wh.d, people [hougl'lt was i.lllpossibl,~'" "pr'f" Illig myself " . 'creating something n~" ." or '··m<lilo;.i~1g the wpdd. a b~U~r plaee." Whate'l;'e]' h is, iuh.Me W'@ros .-;igl:lliJy YO'llr inner value, tf we' don't Jive tip ~O' our importem vrulJes" if \II don't {!,IUliU tbem .• we experience d]s<lppoin[me~l, ,em-p~iliil~s aad wor ,e--e yen wben w,e, <lwe rO'lJItw,u:dlysnccessfu ~. s," VallUles mea me the meanmg ~ife ho~~s, fer us .. All o[ out !liO~], dream.l'i. and desires are . impl)' ~he!vehicles for fIJI Il'itLingour values. If ,),ou are dseaming of a new home for yQi!.1rfruni[y, you pu,b~bly havesome valses in mind. You will W~"t the hou e to have so lIIilfiY ro{lm~, and be m Ii. ertsin ll-ighl101hoocl, find have a certain sl}i.le. The vaiti~s fulfilled b~t your erirena p!,Qba~ly ~:rnic:.llIcl'e:givililg comfortable space tQ everyone, lusury. peacef1il~e'Ss, even an inner en e: Q£ 5'1U!CcesS'..lid iic.hiee:rn-'nL Th~ .~, arne important va.hteswm arl. e again when yuu dl]Iillkof purcchaing a ,ca.r Of even changing, jobs .. They are what aJ1]of us ll' e to me'a:sum our wants, [lUJ ~&hi.tfV'(!menes, and success .. Ourvalues ini1ufl1oe: our motivanon. If we don t have stnnig[y held values, we'Il :hiave nulle m~)i[iv.at(.o]'J. o:ur\l'~~Ll:lt,~ S:lrdil];g:. U are OIJJ:.' mGt:iv~HOrl win b ,e~ILtaUy .mag. With NLP it is po, sihle to st. inUuence thisvery dir6ct]y. V' ben you U 'nk of iJ'_IlY experience, you ~e one or more of Ui];esenl!.sory modaliities: 'Viswd. ,~JlJ1dho:ry .ki:i'lesthetic • smell, <lindtaste ...For most people, thliiilking ofan exptl'iellDe u.i~g aU or most of these :moda:liH~s will be much more mOl!ivatillg lh. '1lllSil:lg ,,:r!i]J,ya'[I1 image, or o!l:lly~ werd ill sound, Whefl yeti!,]! think 'Ill n e perief!ce using m~y mo[ialil]es, ]~ seems morereel, and . your response vUl be 'In;mger. For instance, just think of the word lemon. or g.e'~a qu ick h'IT~ge: of a lemon ~mdnotice your respouse'" f Ow see ,II richly yellow 3~D llr13g 'Of lh arne ]en'!O!'!'. and iitmagine S,licing ,It in half w:i.h. haip knife. Lh'l:en to fu~ sound the ~rllMe III a:kles as :i l ~ lices Lhrorl!g~, ,a.mI. watch some of the ju]ce squ in out, and ssne U the lemon eent re~eased. Now l' Itch '1J!~[i) pick IIp O'1i:!;eof the lemon halve "and bring h s~.owly to you]' mQ\\Iiltil1 taste' h. Listen W, the 'Smuld Lhal: your tee'lb '~O'

a.c:oo;pmncc. t:ormecaklll. or securiry,

.-

make a.s, I.hey Dllie inw

~'W.

juicy pUlp.

iaJ]:d

fee~. the

SOi~]rjuice f'LJ ~

10

GETtING

M~11IVf.!.JED

inlt£! )l~tIlr'm.oj]:th..A~1l:in. rlflfuCe 'Y;OlU reSfh~~!~e. Are you :~;aJ,~ivalhq.,g ,11 bilit!lllfl:r~ th:<l!!]li¥oi] d I.d. whe]W you just. had a wor1:i ,or ,a. [Dli~fim;~g>~,I@r 0J.~:emo'!ll1More HI<I!J].likely. Andlnow wh:<i!( happens irf Y'©Ul im,agilne !!'i!.";b, Ired, fl,a.~"Q'!'f~.1tr~wbe~'rie:l!? s The w~y YOIl fb]Hkof ,~:IiI le::l!;pe,riie:t]ce wit] t:le:kVl1_lil]e whedier ypu ~sm:lO]1jd to it sU"Q~lgliy 01" weOlkly.Now let' 8 apply this reaH~l!!:tilYnto Iind out how y>ou l:h~[Jlk ef 1i'GiUJI! h1ghly val ued experiences,

i:JX<ll ns Oii~~ dt'si.@i~led,to [IoliGe ,C:i:i f[e~uices, ~:nnd ytm n~ed1lQI ecmrrn@:mlhi.il.gS il(j' <lp[n~~ 1!i~ ti!c di.f:fereNces, Ue:tie .<l!«:! M'timC', of (~~ llci:nils. o:W d]n~~!;iG~ Itb8ll U1UY people filml~ Th~ "'!Ie:!')' a~rrtm;;iti""e:'wO!iIi< 'br.ighter~ t~\e·'·dJ,o~'t care" w.\t~ darker. The "very <l!u[:;!;c:tive"was tl:l !co'~:nl';~ile(tonc'1! cm:~"'wa~ "

i11lf~dled Icolof1Y or biRC.k and w~ite. l1he ·"very anmcli:ve." "was bigger 1I1fl~ eleser: the ·'d!OI1'·t~!I'1"~·'
W!lS srn:al.lel
,<l'I1~

filil1~i!Wr

EXERC'[s,:E 4: lID'ENTWYING

WEIA,l' r"lAKES

AN EXPERIHNCECOMPELUNG
1'h~ ~;!;~!;'~lfje;~"i llhelp YOW! h~"d()'!1t how y01i!~limn ",1:..'odies· im~ges to inerease YOl]frn.ot.i.v8Jtl.ol1, fiJ,:ym~k:u[lg 't~CJ'l1 W;(l sU'Q~]~ YO[I're, :nl;anl!l'a1~ylcom,pe.U~ tG' tab tllle·s~ps to achleee th.em.. ]fs : imptn1l:atl't l'{)i ~~,y,~ )lout fun ,M[e:~~tiIOI1J[:1;) tni~G;:>;ie:tci~@T

The "'!,l~.ry :Ultlflilc:~,iv,e'"~1LS ]oc.tw·d rn{]i~ in. frotl~: ~he "'do[l:t c~re" waslocated aff tD th~:-;;~de. The '~ve.['y",t~,a(>!~'i,I'c" ~~at! SDUJlldll or WQ!;i_~;>;'.[J~d]Jups e:i'1dti.iilg oaes; Jt]]L'~ '~dol:l't :care" was liileBt M S!k!c .0, list of 01]1 [he difl~rt;!'lros you lfillJdt bet'-'i'~e'~t41!.~"(;', hlo'9 e::q::terieRiQies. l'w.es~ .~r,e~lt(l'e:le ~~lIelJltstb:m yo1.ri:l!flf~1'I llI:5.oC;S i~rljr[0 c<llle~li<lt !ii@rn.cti:tingis v.alu<iMe to yllll, ~Iltd wGirlh bei'ng. ~tiI.otll v'!i~eJl !:Ibn,l.H TheS'e are yo~[ byl~ b~inl 'Lnoli'va[ed. .. ~l)

away.

1;. Stnu:~gJ,v M!():tiw.!lea 1iJxpt!rie¥we, Thrnk, of <I task thal ~8 reaD}! !I,Ufact~.ve,aI'lJjl' (lom pel I iwg ~o ¥O'-i:l, TI~.it!ltof ~olJi1~thl!I1ig~~ffr\us'Ii:!' l fl.ll'l

w de imi. i~se~f. ~1!t wh!o.se rel,!,iMrls fire s(i)'greaJt '~1I:1all many W<l:nt you h _,\I;,lb~n mnn.k ()'fi~. }!(M,lfil'ld ~.~~Uf<l!Crri'Ve all.d OOD3!pe]1i!1!'ll.' yO'"LJi. Wh;;1t'S ~m.~N:alrlt is thrrJi! :ft(j,(l fum:1II ~tm-1l:cti ve l~u1d .fH~lUf:l~.lydo yOIJi :it. AI]~ wben }'Q,U' re ,e;>;;.perieoci.m;g.bern,tplitmcted, levobLJi the ]mage in Y,Ql!a'f min~ru:h~cw:;tYi1! m~vkdir.~I'Of~~i~ht Ngli~ '~~; ~in~l'I!ll)iLi:c IqJ~1r1l1~lit;s:~ht; !liel, rille ,~(ghli.rnI,gthe SCil~OO,. Se~ all ~his soc:re!lil:~Y :t,ha;t ,
~gdo

y'o~ clQiIlIJdulia.koea ulRJ.cI'V~eof it, one with rich. vivtd dela:ill.4Ja,\illlg

LcJlt:m~that, f.!i;mp()f!lril;y~ct ~icl~ 't~~S .;;IUm,c:~~'iI~ (;l>;'f~i.erlo~2,

SI,lf)flJ:Tlt'(1F

Now ~ool iJlga][1 ynur list .®if O!~fferences. So:me: ,~[ theitem 5 on at YffU[ list. m~y i!ldi~<1!te!Ilito(i:aUti~s~ ~age, <it seund, Oil: word. a lSi!l!ll r'lj:e~ing, smell. 'o.w taste, However, tilMly of [Ib:eite~'[[s <l!ifil probi!bJ~i ~!llIbm(!t1aJfi'[ies.• S!1!bmoi],jl ities 3rre file sraall er .ek,men[s; wi,ttuil1 ·iJI. WilOd~F]hy,

Sl!tl/f, T!lk~ iii. brcl1lh. I~~it [n:UT!linClJ,oo!; aj;9i!l~d.

3', Ne,ul;r-al li'xlwrie.lJee. Nuw I~ill!k ~f ~(m'i~U!iillg }'(JI,I ~on:'il: ~~<l[>e a.lmm, suehas a papef' OlllP. iii pencn. Qr a f![eCe 'of paper, When )'1o~'ve ,eh@8!;;flS@methmg" leek OiIJ h in y@urmi:ru}'s e~e. Experience [l're feeli Iilg of not (,:;l~ rug about k A gfl!n1 be like a ml)v~~ ,clii:ree<t.()]' anccl lHist,me c.LI!I,e:m.atic 'q,I!lJIities o.f will i.ueri.ma,ge.
i

4. S.e~l!dlf!'" St(Jt'l;.~fi:Le:n }'m~'we cQ!rn~~eTed tbllt, ,ere:n" j'E1l11,r miud ~ga_1!l!~'Y t"Ri~.f,'l: ". d!~er bre<!!'ll. 5. C()mfJ,rirrlt £~J;;''f:rii(!1I't'~. N()ti~~(l.lhe (Jif!er'(fru:~l'JtJc["V(;'~~ wh,n yOJ!!. :~OMWid, vli:ry a.t,tJl,'.acnv)fl a~d wilm you d:ido11 care ;rn:ku.'lut_ Ow Ca.r!lim~M

Fur if;l..s:~~l'm;~.in theviS:~:i!I] nitHhl1Hy. 8Jfi iID~ge cam be 3 ~lQi er nat. a 1;ilTI.®v:ue a s;tm picll!!'e ~ f!;OlI:medOIJ' p.i:l:llOra.lill(; I cl!~mr o,rf~Jzzy etc, or . ASi01lll[id er word! nthe afLldi~[jry m.odaLity be ~Jig:h- 01' lowpilch.eGI, I~Yl]J or sQit.and have d.uter!iln[ l;e-rnpo, rhy[llilllil~" ,~D~1i:rk~EiI, llIlI]d~D.n~dity timbre. Af-ed.i:lllg ,C,l]'l iilffe,c~pw of your body Or you.r al[ whol!e body, a:ru:! ean d.iffer wn iUIIJI(eMiW, ,~oCa.[i~)iH,mem;perali.lire, W"l{It[Jllfe. mioivei.m~ilIt. direetion, 'e~{;.SmeU;1 and ta:stes C<!~] abQ d,iffer

~~J'

wide.~y. lh~J!!Ig/h tl),cBng.]hh ~a:ngu.a:ge is

~G1 asricb!l:y <llh~.eto describe

thelm:. Fer WL()!s~peO[jle, the s;~]broodru~li~8 S<flmethi.ng v{~ry aJt.for ll'<[.e,t1,veaJre; bi.g. close, p~li1n;IL11mic" tb~erdl:rn.eruk~;.t:Jal,riGn ~,l:11 celor, : deW'. de. The iltb.;;!:gt ~f wl'OCaf!H]j,O:SI~ ~,mpo['la_fli or Ic:;nm~rli[lg is
'©i~efl le8iFl~ng om: towardthem.

The inner, s()!oods

flHl:

rich <liI]d har-

72

p
Iiewlmd
:{lUF

(iETTl"

G MOTIVA'rEIiJ

13

morriou • comLtl!lig from a]] aeound, l!-]"\WV!.!F,. people diRe!!' somewhat in which 8ul:i:muda!iries. Ola~be-~oliJ:'lL{;~hi[l~attractive; what's

impo:nt;:\ITI( is W u ~, what "very aU icrive" is 1ik.'e f'r _l'i,)U. [Revie 'our two expertences of' . 'very atlraetive" and' don',
j'rom.lhe pre,\l']QlU,S exerciser aJ_m:l o~)k fG)F ;ailty add~tj,01l:~d sub] modalit dlstiacuons between the two. Now that you l~l!ave ilem.Ized the; way, your h ain uses to make e perien eauractive YlOu have

eompIeting a projece, [\lei wonder the-y't'e' not motlvated. can make a .rich ,~d o~mpe.IHng piuut!'ie ot~~h<~t)'0\1. want aad what you value. The big~ ,.richer, morecotorfut, more three. ]O:W, yt'lU

Jim fl!~,i!o[lal, nd dear. the b .tte ,

caee'

Line' lkiey

to d'Lll.nge yo ur responses wih'efi YOllJl b'eba\l"ior doesn'

<.

"'1

I:nalcll your value Mo:;,;t of us IUlIIlC thues when weconscicusly believ that ill would be v(l[uaJ,fe to do,.ome~hin!, but we can't seem 16 gel mOl]va1e~ ~o do it Here" .lun][iJ,e. LP'!'ludem did. Sh&!
decided
~Ci' lock into

.1.. limItable l'as,k.. . blink of 'Hm~~'llmgtill at: }tIiJU know WORld be vrut!ab]- f ryou 10 do, bu.l • Oil, have a ~lllFCi time getting around '1'0
dfl~Ag it.

ihel' mind and find OU[ h!~w <In the differelU foods She W(1. esped,all:riil:lren:~~;,~ed those she feI~. ill elY al:lr.a.c:l,ed!(),. S ureenougb, checolste cake was ncb-Iji detailed .t1'rn:e..dime:nsiomd. and right in f:r,ont of her PlOIl1IU1. On [Lbe other band. ,a~parag'Us ,and me r other bealthy ve!!:f!I,ab[es and fruitslanguished ~D dfie~. blaek-and-whie photogmph. down h~ corner of a hoe]' 'vision, Since this woman w med to ~at better food and me-'l bet heald:l. and w,eightgQ~ds<,h.e sy terti:1ihcally cha.nged the submodiili.rues of bet inl'a,er~mag,e 'for foeti. She made 'the chOCG]~'t,e cake and other sweets less, auracti e her mind b~. changing 'we,ir images, ~]~he mind's eye to blackaud while,flat, and fanhcl ,awl),),. Then she increased (heaUracl~ veness <JI!>p3~r<lgus and olhe['ve~e'r.rltlles and :fm!ts. lualdng them coLm:ul, richly detailed. ,i:Ifid'lhree ..dimensloaal. I1h~shad an tmmediase and automatic etfeet un her eating habit" She just fOIl~.d be.]f :se.~edjng he;almte:.!' :M(jd~., By d;'l.a.ngmg_ ~:11~ s,uomodaliliE'.s of her images, she brought her b havier in line with her tro:l1!ger, tue-~Q' live a health 'Iife, ~ne atep1Pean~d.
t

2. Check Jor ()rbieG~'iflns. PHil se to ask aU pam of yo~n~M ir !lny p~ of YO'y, uas 2Ln~'obiection to }Iou!: actuany carr)'Dflg mit th~ iilliSk. B~ ~~D~iljve'to my (~hj~Cti(lfiS. if you c~mt cflsily s<I!t:isfy3IlY o'bjc~t::t:i.ons n1[~~i!) oOme up, d1i.III.k: 1' ml1'letobing el e tOOl no part P 0 : If ;, eu ob'ects IQ. 3 ... Re:srJi$ff;' a,nd
Ctmsequtill1lc~$. l"hlnk f1bQ![1 IDe ~Il:rl .re Mit of E;lenil'lg Ihl. task: dO]Jt~lfIot lh,e j;lf,ooes' of duin:g 'bhe work, bl;Dttl1~ p!J'liibive; 'bellefil to' YOl~' .How will y!':n;l g-<li]l. irr Iilany\.,rays :ITol'll g)enil)g~11 ,um)e'1 How d{! you thi Ilk ab~ll.Hl1tec b~ltefits IlOw? i c

or

4". Change 5~iJmf)(I{jJiiies, •. O~.. !lise '~be list of e1~m.crm; you daeovered ~ill1. Ex:erdse 4 t'o change nnw you tbink (!!I.mn the fesli~ts (~f gdli.Fig; imsjob dOM. Make theseimsges big:ge'f. do 'er more cOlarl1iLl. e'tiI;;, Add iIl. lin.e. pLe'UiltU ollmd, eil1COunlCg:i:D!I,f! vo~ce •. Q[
"",ih~kv,!,(ir else

motivating experiences

fCJ![ )II U. _ .

makes Dn 1_l\pC'r.ience .attfactive and compel:lilDgl.y eep doing 't.tIi·, tmlil you feel strong'l. at-

tr~c~edl~ thi~ task, jllst 1J/li you ~id with the ··'ii~nranmeti\'e"

in ExeJ(ICi~t

'*.

This [technique 'C1l.lJ] morivate us ro lilting into O'\:l:I~ live~~tile experiences ·,,,,,1' ,c.are abouLW,e den't have. to lind ourselve in oM
,age. regl:~uil'i.g that we di:d1:!I't. do the tb.iugs !that J'iea.ll.ymattered to !l1; • The: II:!lng we care ,afb()i~]~ become more focused ,,,,'is lble, and call
You'd h MII[-pl.·~i'edm: the j'lllflcfimt~ges IUlInYlJeop,le t [01 use.to motivate themselves. In their mind's eye, lhey . eetin:y. dw ·~1]des lof thelr Wotk being done. or i'l: fuzz},. b1.ack-a.l'ld-white picture of the

Create au Inner Life of Drama

NLP c(uj,e\'dtrp -,1" llkh .B,1llt~Ucj' 'is fow,d of dscdbi,H,g th~ av,e:,rn,gc.pe:r!!ilollli' inner v,~ ice, 'Or {ii, ~ gue as weak, ".rca.k.; weak. BlI[idlerays, •"FOI rnestpeople, there are no inner voiGt: , spurring

cmal now,

am

lhem on \\':rth ,ellCoUI,agcm:el'lt.

'fhere are 110 back[1ip slngers,

He

P'

75

~O~1J,f!ar pC:H,1l;'errlUUY !nQtivati~Tg i:rutel~IiJ;~~ nms:ic_ Hell;1!S U1~l1ll~e~r IiI r,ich~ dee'p. po'\!Vedl]~ hLUghwe'~ iIi!sh2ie; ~t signs of difil'c[~~Iy ~:r ,dlJ<!1:1lemge" LWhe!'l w'e d!~~Ulese tflinlg,5 ]l makes Qi~:r experience more vilii'id. and more alive, ~lIV~~l~ usa ~e!'!lie of elii:ct~erne'!'!lt !lJd ~ ~~t.ic'ipaljnn ~hell] ing~ we do _ for YoU. can l e:};:pe!):l ]ife:19 be a drammJ O~lU~ ,~ul~ildoe. ~firi sn 't is! ~1',aJml,{)IDI Ulf ]]'I,&u;d;e 11 yoy. ~e'!'e eboutto ta~ke Me s,lage ~Q g["vea _ speech or make a presemar ien, yeu [1l'[i~ ht w~~l to hear -a gre~lt roc,k-oo,d-f\~U b~_lldor 8Y!1ElllpJ~Qi[[y~J:I your mimi], pLayi!]g !MU:5'k th~Jt

~'}!Ir~ NLP trainees [ktmu~h exercises

)lOI~ find

ins]llrrng and -exalU~g, Iv,. you suide

IQ1W:S!ni

tlJ:eMd~um"

louder !!1''1d :[~,ter, reac.~':linlg3cro~Cetl~~) jus~ .DS you reach the ~podi1!:lm. The energy alld imler ~x;oHemte]1jt yQU feel wUl ~~nyov,ell~~te g~l)y!P ~lUtOJ1UJticl3!lily beGaug"e. (Jfthe h"J:'lill.g~S U and
B~U1JllI:!:5,

nlei rnuslebeeomes

you'v€:

ampH4'liea:

.~:Iit YOM]'

mind.

~.I'I YO~llir ]Ue Ullal you are auraeted I@WaT1fi sllfideFiLUy ItililJal YOU'1'e'; wiiH:l1Jg [JiY do [ne wmt"retiu]redw -re~.ch it" But \'",lhia:( .~. ~mu .MDd" allUili D~redi[)l[l is prumwr:1i]y '~~Wil}tfroml~' T~e S,U1:l~ ,eK~l;ses wi I~,WOd~j[q'Ji[ yo,1!lJ, ~rmply~'y dl!Mgicfig ,,' wh3Jt 'IQr~~[lre ~QmpeiHlTIlgJy al.JFoI.cl~ to'''' in~u •'whatyou areoompr!!lUFili!il.l.y mmiVi1lI;ecl to avoid .' , Rathel! U'l<1:1l n-ulk~ ],F1g the pofSi'[i.vt! eonsequences big 0'iJ[i).d b.rugmt and cJ~8e, etc .• you need [Or m~d;:e:the 1l1lplellsaf:J:t con£e~ uenees of 1~QI dp~[iJ.g j(),l] big (h.e Ifll~ bdght, and ~~os.e. M<lmi):' ptmp]e t~]iflk '-Ilbo:tu sucli:l tlnpleasll:lilt GJOinJJSt'iq,[lel1l€ess!(_) th'I!:~hey!illge:r days. .•wee:b; ,months. even }ffla!il's, sl:ow~y lrtc1iealSing W. intensi ty. CjlHsiing :J:i1'1nch'lnJJNje~y ,1IJ],d ~t:r-e!>5. 1\1,<1[1), J;1f;:op]e have to e}::peruenc:e tcmm[l~h irlt~erm~rP""]]]J betID't: Cll,1I'1i1gillg Qr tak~~gac:tioil1. "lily this; as an <ilche:m<l![~v.e. ·rb~lmk of wh~~ YUM want to ~VOUdi. Now nO'tve i~. 1l1sn mward ;riO'Ll, ,getting b]~~-el" and t ]]1;OCIDe 'c[jI!~'.rfLlJ<fill]d ~'illlOi[-e n~,da:s li.t lhI'1Olkel> demand s and :~[! ,ciminQ'!!:lls, .s~l!JJ~steriaJU.gll1r. If yo.u are(l'lc'~~' from motivated ~nd you expede~.l.te , ~u~his \:¥i:lJ)', yOl~'JllE!e n.~.otivated [0 lake actioilll i~"l'iImed,i:atdy.. sacving t yQtIlre~~O[rs menths or ,e<l~'S chmlTIl.ic stress. Thi S is w~~ NLP rof 8:~. cal~.5a. uti:Nz.C/;fion of <11':(, exist ing m.ot~v"-hon<J.~ stil'<uegy. S'omJe Df the he.s~-knJQwn moti\!.tl~0:n1j1 spe<lker:sand ,pomc:hes ha\H~ built wh6~~ 1,'iIl,olLi,v.a[iCHl<Ii~ 1i}1os1Jems <ll'mmmdu~.h is o!le,~hn:iCoe. ~lJid .N.l-Pll'lelileves [h.u d~ni.ce ]s be~1re:. ll.m «~!O ,c:::hoie.'e"imd m CD:I:'e' d cJhe,ices are hen.er thJlllt a

E2t~[;df>e~4 and 5assr~rrie~lrOill yO:1l!i ~i<tVll sQm~thing

rew.

M~li!ill,y NLP :s~.lllit!efit£want to' Ilti~:ae '~:h~k!: .f6ll<l'am and~autay f'rm~ tr11ot[va'~i()!n gua~eg]e!!: i:[U~b~sea ,~fexercise ,gd d]ehE'lg. Most ])WiP~ei a tlM~k Of Ilm.s ·aJJ.1e'!i!of their U'\!lesa~,losing, w~ig,l](. w;hicb makes it ,11:~'¥ dWt:r)l fi'O~rl m:~tivfltioi. rOl:w[OYs.~y, sr®me< ,pedpf(';; \?!,1i_U<1.cbi,e;veib.e:uer r-.esuUs by '[hinili! ~Il g ef i~1t8 moving .~o'W(m;lgalnili:Wljgffi~[f:es:iafi~ h~@!Uh. ~e-nlemlr!er, e~tMr .Mp;ti:VIWliou D~:rect]om will wo~k, p[()lVldoo~'{)1] have 'effectlv~ aiald 'C~!'I1Fmillii.g thQughts. in YQ'llif !]'1i'l'ld. The m'war.d mot~xai~()nof .Demi Moore g<eu~~g back in slLap~aJt¢]':~er pregMf!.~Y. ~illd Wi!lIlung a oJ:Jl:ion-dQ:llil1 movie !!el!e, tS obvious _ $()me mDtJ'lKlJ's ~im]J]Y MI!iI:11 to be fits9 J~~:~:lhey![I)f!, heai.(~yrok m.~dd.s ~~r Ulek ch'lildre~] .Hllv:i:l'iIg imp9~it;a]i1t .m.d cO:mpe.U~l1ig values ~~ Illi.l'ld V,'U]iliuiLke. a kuge dflJe['en.ce _ 'fL~ '!f<l'~tte5 y~)ll!ci1:~Be :a~reup 00 YO%I!. J\~IJ!Y busy (;~~l!ld\i'es pb.cm1o mske fume [orth.e-lii he<lMj];J,'bu1: It t ol'l:~ri d~Sij'l beeeme ~. pdorilLY !,!Jj!til the)! liu<"lve bemrl attack. Al a '~a[pohllt, U:i~]_[];miLcr iluca:ges ~il'ii:c1 voiGell ot ,Ci~rnJJCle-'_n]Qv~r di;;rtbiUty on Cl1.W,aJ,foumsIde. OIr ];m~tges, offlO$~ health -IlUre r.-n1!ard.skle, beeome b~g 'e:n.oll.ghallJil, elose enou g~ a:_udbr~g~~t fiOyg~ to d:ispLacc e oU8~ness g..e,m:1I~ds.Ofco~~rse,~he~rooukl vo~dtffilo-seMg, ~ \SeErY·<llld ex pe;o;!!i ve nip,~to tJm:ei.r ck_nctm!s, Qf:lJ!ceolr cD bd;fi[jtJy ]itj,mtise~:~ lc emergeMicy renm by dlaJi1j~ing th~ir S1iJ!~;H!lnd:al:iIiesfor HlOS~ inner itn:a~e-s: mow, i.llcreas~g. tiI1eilnjj:MJ'flMce of ht\ai~, Oll'f~Mlli~y O'r C~p~bUj'~ylD gml1tinJU.€'- to WOf~, l~eil:de:mI'l~Jw utUiz.e .1illiI away from rnoti,'Il~lItio!l'l ~n'if!rt:e'gy !~G'b~gt!l U1 [L'l"'~Ve;t01<Ii',wdwh~lt yO(lJ;! ViI ~nlt. Maill}/ people have -fiGI[ devdoped :l;uftictt;mlU:y ~tll:QlcHve imltage,s ;fm h.e3_]'[h.!lUil~ s, fmd well -bein.g to draw tifu;emfurw~d .~~meffi· ber, ~]1j e[feC:lilve lCIJlIiJI[waMonsb:-ale!!:y rGqui]"e~,a P~}Sit~~he nd~i.c~ a image ,~rf 1heUisk dane. Ma;oy pe_QP'!~have ,~iffi.cuhy ge[ili!lglh.em~ !'le~V'e5 It.O cliercicS.e,-------:lheya~ ~[nrl,(}~il a~wa:ys im(lgining (J_h:eIll$e~~e:s huffi~g. and puFli.mg ~[l I~JI~middle of: wil1!at seems mljC an _e'f1d~.e$~ ,e;x;erei:se rounae. There .Ii;, (ID:lly a ~e'!,\: minutes to' go, Inn iE seems ... llike the rest (~f me itsel r.. Their in~m<il~ dtalog[ue is JUSiUIiI]!Y'm1e of 6 ~:wo v.uiaillons: sdf-cd'!ical ,c"jotilligGl!f noggi~gt or ItJI~ flUljJirry Off eVie:n U'y:[mg (oge:[insb[~pe, No wonder Ithey hl'l!vedif:fLCu]ty ij1(J!t~~ v~ti'ng t!lemsdvell. C:OF:ltt-asr lhi~ willi 'the '~[lne{ WiCIf.ld 'of ~[IlLlJtivmed

me-

L
athlete.

p
I oklng ar dnlt image of Ih t<l8k. ajl Ilnillhed and f~1 good j,n, re .ponse ito s.eeiR,~ it all ()'I'.Ii'1pk~t'ed,- otice thaI the iute.tl:Ial oiee ofthe "l)Ith~[ J'OI)'" .iscif'ltidflg am.! 'e!flco:umging, ~emimdi[lg you {l'f ~~ .f:llIlru:el\e\!lal'dslI'tld of how much YP~ havl? ~lrot:l~,y~1~

77

~~"e' e~'(,e'Tcis,illg. &h~ e;,oncentrate!l on how good she s ~nd fed when she' ~ done. Each 'WOrk"QUl ma21nne or runn~ng treek lap brings, her ~!'Ie ,paJ!'pah)e step close r to 'th<lL ICO!;]lrpl~IOO iroag,e and gnod f~el~!l(T. ~]e:r ~!ue;m~lvoi"s hdp he.r f'DC~I~

\.~nlook

vcnas

and C!cmOWltla:re on get~iJ:lC![fue lexel:lii!lie done correetly, ()?tiUlin [,he most hetleilt for (11e:t]me: spent. '

50' ;11£to

Doe this seem ]it - the: impossible dream? Remern ber, with NL,P, if one pe!fSltm ~an dOlsomething" ag)~one'can h~'am~o' it. dO' The next NLP teehnique we are goil\~ EOr teach y oIIJI], a 'ay 'b have a ,gIe~uerwW(Jui modv ~im ,[m~egy.

p1ished oo'1;!;,'a,rdhe g'p"l, , Fi:ruaUy, set; ttl!!! "ather j!lill1i'" del igb~etl t willnh.[lvin,g 11~o.iiI.e' and renjoyiD11g~i1e re'W<I.nli when the tasll:. :uOlS been completed,
5. R'e"iewan'l1' A~jl~xlment~U whllt yOIj! 1i-eC: is.Il."f cempletel d lighlfuL .YOWIG,ull1;it <I mi.1 1.00\' ", your inner vislon wbiile til wlsdmn Oof, om lItl'llcol'lcio:u , m.i'lild ma.kes tlltl appI'op~iale ,adj u .t-

1. P'rep(lnluo" . Pi'l'Id

(d, re~aiil::erl and qql,et 'Place-to q:e gUIded thirough. thisW1;:];]lljqu~, ),:()ijl, d!~lill''1 I:i~ve~n (';l6~ey,()M:j ICylL:~ ~o do this prlep~S$.lIl11;it'make yourself com ortableand b:egin by I. king (Iff to' yg,lJI' tight. mil y,ou:r nliflli"s eye'" imagine eeing somenne who took::! ju~t[ik;i;l }fUUI at, S:lIul1disltarl!!;I;':':a\",,;;t~, 1~hi. ",I I.li(:'; von" \\Iil.1 do ,aU the ,teamin III this exercise 1lS yO'll eb erve, Only wben }'Ol! Me 'oompielely s:at~sliedwiUt tl1is.proce:s:s \!,"1!lthe IlIilw skilllS he ililteJta!wdi'l1W YOTI""0 e:lnsu:re lhi,~. yllili mig[!nt even '\VIUU to experienee YOl1rseLfas hei.ng ,ill a Plexiglas buhble. 1:1 thaI you are ~niUy separared and de:l:ached '£rO(mtheaC'tivihe~ goili[~ 01'1 with that . 'l['ji~iliU~~Y9~,1" out th,c:~.

menes or re!;l!l[lg;es.Whellf the mist disappears a,gaiii. you win e Ine adjustl11!C\llts that ha e b..:el'l I'l~.l'ld,ehI, a wo,l" that's :I:',leasing and good~Of yO!! Do YOLI want 100 be mat ·'·olbeit )",111.1 ' '~",l'io just hes used <I Ile'w nmtiv,a:tiJ(:)Il, ~'wall,egy'l J\~I;:: you. sads~e" [tl'latthat "ol~,e.rr )'~I.I '1!\aJl !fI~t~d this Jm.ew skiJ.I?H.a\~e lbim "other ),0:1:1" dO'the Whole' piiapess:agllin:wirJil aaether '!<t.skto deT!'Il,]I[I~tralci:~hl Y'Ol!l.1r ari f".ctjoll..
I

6~ If:1'te,gmaul1,,. Wh~1::l )~OUare rully s-alisf:if;<L I.el that ,Plex:l'las 1:1lIbbt~ fflU away and m.'fIfW ililto yOlllme1f mOll ··ollu;; .. yo!.!.' '\V~, ha aU these ne,\¥ learnililgS. Some pg, plelilJctlIlIlIy r(,a~h u~ their anns t1J1G, illlagim, ·[k:ill\· i.lf:Ig :tl1a !. other sel into I'l1iem tves, Som timcspellplti . tiel a li:lilg'!e Qr a, releae of energy when tiley d!o this.
r

Jme,xt'~im!ll Y\1fY

'1. ,P,I'tu~ni'IJg. :Now take aJ] exu;a lllomeRt te l;oJilside;f whcn~s, '~\rne. wi U have to pte(f'onm ~~.e ta",;k }let] jest :moli v,med,

2'., CkfW'ScfQ.si/;, Now. thilllk or ~J)mc~l'!i!'ig yeu walllltto bcablc 11'0

mOli\!me' ymtrl>elf ~(j do. Pick om.eth.mg ve ,imp!!e.. Por example, it co,Y~ be ,e:leaniog.thetitdu;ll sink, balalilcing. your cbe:k. bnok, of lli,,"Uing up in lh¢f.InI.oming. Something allloRt ou !:Ii n't y 'enjioy doing. Inn y !:t, at, ery nU!l::oirl, t ,l~aYedon· • becan e of d. b I)e:lits YQll'tl pJiIII II' II result. 3'. See g,en:lJjUs. Wa1::cll th:a:t '!'~}lhcf }'OUl.· .. !lnd sec 'wl-nnil wan 1o'ok:~ike when thb: task is compk:ted. imdudiflg tine posltlve OOIlsequenees. of h'IViTi\!!c it dOIl:le. both the di:rect ,ffi,i;ldlill!illedirate beah
ernts, and the il:ilur[ ~_'tmelil~!l, w'in~l!I!lt lh<lt

ycursel]' ,tfI"c'~lmpie~c,

Reviewing Wbat You've Learned

By IIl!nw you've gOI a better sense ,of ho,w you C 11 use LP tecbinh,!,ues t:o 'increase motivation ±:m j16ul':se]f and orh rs, In this
I

chapref, 'You.r:r,e h:~ne.(;I how to!:

II' II, i

.
'1

4. /}(Jing' t~e7:ai<*. 'ow Tlec'thOll! U~lt]if;r ;w'w" d.()ililg the las~ casi.ly. As. ther "ether you" does, I}~.e I:ask. that ••other you" keeps

Determ ine Y1fl lU'JV~oli atien .D.i reolioi!1--,fUM from. or ww,;",d' v Dctermlne jhe M hv.a:tiO!fl Directicn of eth rs and '~ , . thls info mation to improve their Iumdl1divi.ly

18,
yOiM ITIfidval~O~l .' r[IImse

CHAPTER
m'Iffi!Yjroma:l'l:d tow~nsl rnot]vali(lllli
few the he S"[results

F 0 U $!,

y,~& oU1Cilrn ,~ Use ..,mbfllOd~tli[ies ;of Y~l!l' m~nking~G

j!101J,fmOiE~.'!i'alrkIlin
• ~l

Discovering

YOU!'

Mission

Cill!!lgt:! and inetease

~Di\'NJai:ra~

how

[0

be '~n(~'re o:s]1ti ve]y mO'~i\r,are,d p

W,e could wrUe i<;lwhoTe bo~kQn N.lPaud l:r)otiv:8Jt:i'OlfL .Eaich ~h~!pte:.rweuld be nUedw:ith incredible dl<l[]eng~s and G1i[lt;SU1Mcdillg S!lcce$s ,slades, lfT~<td.i[1Jgab{)y~ 'lhe [il1!G~iN~I[j@~ "'!!;ld sueeess stories ~f g[!:UeU Has ~ficourage(!, )lett! (0 !;I se th is (:h:.1]]'ror 1[0 C~~&~e; yl(]~1: OWl l]lf)th"a(]o[!J success SJOFY. 'UIe" w~·'ve. "'!licceNl~i:.!.I:f YOil] ~ad tim nl;g!!tgdal withimeresr, exciremeat, or e1o'!en ~tslonllislllll,erut" <1!nd h8Jve flolij:'.ied O!lny of[!~e e~e:Ii(k.i.8~'s et, yOlJ!lmvtiJI' l evel1l he-glCmI©, Mlp tlliie y [ilOreilti~l] o:f NlP _Nl.P is; an ']],H::]'e;~~b~\;:: IOf ]cle,as set in!ii~ht8 ]]11(01 LUJ!m~[l ~ninlld[lg. ffeeliinlg, behavior, ia~d cl-fimmfge, ..aud in ~r:!ot[ly """ays wis is the;::. least ~t ~a:s~~' effer, Nl.P is <Iboflde:xperien.drlig In~[lJill;ll:l1i !l:x~e._Ue~m:::e=-srepp'ifig ~~lI1!td new rj,(ll~!']dsandnew .[rmKs~,h]lities, new mQtiv~ti.gms,. Th[s lcLlapte:r sets the st'a!ge for an .accekniti ng i,lc]i,fenturein i<l€hi,elilerm;inllliufl:~ w]].l lU11foh:l i~ (he Ch'l.plcrs .C:>Ol~rte. NLP' ~1fl]YWGrrk:s. when yml do. [).() ~h!t eXle:JJci·ses ]:11'1, thi s eh a;[iill~J 91I1BjNj'!I.i '~~I be l:'eadJ~oi[ ~:I)e~t ~tage uf U1!e:. adventtllfe; disco.V'e<l'ing 'yo[~r IRis,·
~ c-. •

.if

~vmm\i!~M '~~ilib a 1I'U(.'(\fSS U'''nrrn:p~CMc.!irl

(;I.rleo &r)!'Liii'I,~{:,gt

·i¥JfJJi.dl!l~rlJl j~i lh~ dirr(,!I'trfJfj:

of Ilh r.trei:lj""~ _ _ ,
M(}~~f;S"

hi;

llDnm10ii

-HE~R

'Ji

Eli'! Vim 'r:HOFif;UtJ

a~a

to

siou.

~my~~, _~ca~~~~ejl~g_U~e ~i~ Apeill~1 ffoIo~la-hm~i~]g?W'~~\le1l11. _ ~OOn ~TIe ~.m:lIg~ tht:!Y tQot Ii:1'1I 19619; Ned ADiElf)U'ong w.llI.kulIg~ on t~~mooroJ. W~!al a .~T~af,F['!LU]ce.[u: aOGo:mpihhnrem:! F[QW did we ol'ga-· ml.L.e~he reSOlllFeesqf .sn e[U,t~w[IfiJt~k~:nIDto do wli[i[ bad never been [toiI:ll;ebeR(lire~'We d:i!di'l w i.th Oil 2,ill:nJ.(J V~S]Oil of g~ame~s-a mission, Plreside!l:!i~ Eelill.oed:y pKOppsed to the umlnby :r(!:iatwe i~urS'll~ I:lm:e ream, d of fita.ltinglI pel'foGil!lJ,(l!I] tfue mtmmlJ by tt1e. end o:f fohe' 19,608. H.e said. "We 'c.nQQ~e·JQ to fhe m.;mn in I]:nill!'i dieJG<lGle: do We Olhe~ things, ~®' Wld not because they ~]ie '€(<l!Sy ~nt bec:.mse ~Ifuey jal:e ~.1mdl.BetallSE: t~ll~. gd~~,will l)erve ~:oO!rgHI~~~IZle ,1l.]1].d :meas [l!l'"e t~1!:e, be:s:tof QUi eJU.t:u:gies and skiUs. 'r I T~]le Il<I[i,cnn :eil'ui!ed m.ullnd that ~l~icSsiml!, and we lI'IH!ade ~l
®!~~r W!]., Q

O~~!(;~ ",,'Ie had nur ]l'Iij~~si~r!:l,. if1l<lgi.lm:rrrri9illJ ~~ ~]!lg<lged, !a!!Ld Wie our W hEld :Pil.:J~B~. T~~espace program was. orgal]tze_d iElt:ii .fucUJ:~ed. <Iud t~.e:r1 the ~]',e1ilm,'frhe v~s~on, the mission ~ mll:f:olded. . O!leof t~le ~m~&iste!ltd~!ara~leti:Sli~~ o,flivin;g ~. n~i.s.sion is! tfu~ u~eX;PYCll;::d. Y~'1!lI C~ll ~eV,~T pr.-edrC:1 ~]Itl]j~ belre-fl~ ,of pl:iJ:r~uing, }"OUT ~~'~SS~?I'!,Wn tlteG~$!e oifthe K.e~1'I~dy~ir1!itialed fipalCe p:l1lg~am: ~he I'IlO~lUln])c:'utalH dIIDlilJg V~leamed ~ wasn't stbom [~~,e mmFJ~~ wm;w~a~ ~i[

wee ,e,x;perienc~~ ~d]()!.:ul~WeWli '. We were !!!.w:a]ke:n~d b~

TV 'I]f WhaUOiIl!1l"eanh ~lJ(n~«Ii1ke fl'ofllspMe. voices of (00 ,a5,t:[lQIDIaU18, behind &~)se cameras,
andwe

i~~llagf$ 91]!

~]~l''d: U'J,e'

80

o,n hi :spate w,a1k, PQII, 9 astronaat ~ussen "Rtlstf' Schweickert saw CilUr JPl3!j]e~ as ;J! who le. He said ithat he d!e:\rdo:ped an exttaerdinanl personal knowledge ~ theinrerdependence of <!]J life--an ,elIil.l:lt~lcing of the planet dUll clmnged him fOl'ever. f1rom~lHlifldbound ries over which we .gtn~an~ II: n real f [he perspecli e of space, Illdividu.al responsjbility comes QUI,of thaI: direet e,.x'periCH(e' 'of see'illg the planet [IS <:I. whole. Jultdme
Undl!'f",ta:nd~ng th.t" ith the ~peed f comannacatlons rod ~.• and sp.u:e sxplorauon, travel, and, aldljte1i that [:he'lil!is 110 longer rocm on I~]epd,met for ,11C:Oill~ept Jt:h<1ts so' :flmU<lmcntaUy • ·I,hb]l] l arul us.' nd th t we ha:v'e te understand no' that [he - sal situation is we ~. ti fe-fonn fl Ute phl!u:t are all interconn .~d. end tba1 (::)t]rbehavier anti QI;I]' , 'items ,a'l'lI.dur .Iui.tude:ll hll,ve: 10. o eome to recognize and relteet that Ileali.ty , .2 He ,a~J,dthe cr~ln~rspace eXf,llenr ga.vc hum~I'[.ity II view .~.f the whole of life. the entire globe mIn· usrains u . And what O'l!.!l!:sp.c.e e ·plprerl'; did fO'Thunlalli'~y. yourimaginatjo[l cen do I~o]'you. U ·in,g i~ou;],lmJ:agl ~at~oIlcam help y[)~J: ~u cempre hend ffi:e' Whole ~,f your ~ life. iElLtvisi.omllgthe bi~ piChlrr:e "uf your lif will help you develop a plsn, mission, to live thaI life fully.

lh irli~epurpost.: and direction. Thi.s is LI:u:: ma~n dilferenee be:tv.f,eelill those who aehieve and those who d.an' r, oW :tha:1you've learned SiOme ~f the b!l8i· prloctpl of [P' and your rneti' tion ttateo-y •. it is nnpertant for you to discover yOU'f n~Ds.Sia-ri. PliIopl\,: VI"Hh 01 mt S~Oll focus 0]'1 cl,e'lleh)p~ng 'ilicir slkilJ .. They re1ei:~U'esf,ly P'klr, ueachi:ev]'!l!.'g their mi.sEiro.1Ii,''wilJh ev ~rynerve" using \ 'fierce desire ." linn create '·Sf) divint\ .~.power,' "intlte "Ql'd' of 1khehmgell~,4' They do it d",y after day" and th~)t thoroughly

enjoy k

"('!lU, C:'U:1i.

toe,

The Difference Between a Job and a. Missien

MoS'l.people lac k a sen s.e ofmissioa. Ra,th'er·.the), have a j db or career. They' 'attel:il,d,'o, schoo]. 'They ·'go" W 'W'Q[k. hi his ela ic shnay of Americans perception of their wof . Studs Ted{el sl:l.~d: for the many, th,ere is a hard Iy .Qolroe.i1led l!]sceJinten[, The blue-cellar blue is. nn 1il.1tHI't: b]'~''fly sung than the white-cellar mOM .. "T'm iii. Il::l30bine,' ays the spot elder. ··W.'1n caged," 8 ays '[h:ebaJn.kteUer and. echoes [b,~ ho~el clerk, • m" 01 ill mule." sa)r til' teel worker, ~.AlI]l:u);£Jike ' can do 'Ill41att ~. do,' say the .rec.e.p[jcn,· t. "I'm Iess thaaa faJl'iInimpl,emenl.. ., say. dile: mjgr~n!1 worker, •. ill' m :l!1l objec~ ." says the hi,glN~f!l,shion model, Blue (';0.1.l:ar and wl'Ji~r.e all ~pon the .idel!illi·alpllla£l :.: 'I'm a J1Qbot.'·~ c T:bi\l.dis.c.mde.I'I't 'i,li.!iLh thelr j'obs by so :many pe>pk leads to :a. split life. They divide their HIlle bet'l' een what th:ey haVl}~O do to,e,jl[1il,a living and w.nat the' w,l/d' l to have 'fun. [he ··p.Ut Uf, tansin gra,d,e SC:hoorlwith class and reces s. It cr.m.tinues tilroughc\D t w(uik Ufe and ends 1(I][I]'y w~~bretirem m. Yet glie:a.1 achieveI tI'MI..S end the wOI:klpbl)' dicnoliO.rny tntirely -'Ulle:y do what (bey l ve and rove '!!;"iLl ~ney do, ota'VaHiiO!1Iaid .i [ c]e~Jy to' Studs leikeJ:: .'I think mO<Sf~of us ar'f:i ~ooking~l)ra calling not a job .. , , Mo·r -f u ha e jQ;o~ thatare too, mall fer cur pint Jobs. are not big enough fOI: people." to Call it a q tl~S'~? 11 Ic.aJlrng.,a .1.!!:raJ11ld. 'ptUpu5e, Ora mj8,.::;ioJl-il give5 those Wi~i() dlsc'O'l,'ier

\\'hat
A mi ~'jOi:l1 is a "en e of pnrpoee thar luret YOIll. into your future: II unifies your b liefs. valu ,Ilcd, ns, and QUf' en e of who you are. It's <I fiilb.r:icwoven of tho varices thread ef yuminte[\eS~b. desire' and goals, .ametime it's big, C()m1~rehensive. and ".ven grandiose. Mo It ('), all, a [1.11·ion i fun. \\"ben, yn.uare H'v~n,gy ur 1~':I~$si(;lIl. you tend to behave Ii' e Sleven pie~berg. who ,says, .• ~ wake up su e-x(;ll:ed.rn C an 't eat bJ)C:M .' st.' 3i NtP'j tl:l:e' ·rudy of th lhinbfi~ and behavior of indiv~dual who
h.

d~l1lo~strale

h'ldividual

who achieve

greatl'le'ss in achievement. An o~viO'~s characteristic oii' g-reatlil(;SS, i <3i sense of rnlssion t1':i.•d. gives

82.
it fUJf&emt:le]v,esa

profortLmd.ly m.ovi.n_g[le,1I80n 6orMi:Jiil:g [[II Ithe world, You must find <I m is.~iC]i.[1 thkl[ pnUs, ),'Gl1]. with an 8i:U~c tion thM ,f.lr['(JUSJe,'lj{OI,l:~p<l5\SleIiDS and fIl>ll!lIces YOIJ ting~e. l[ ymlrEh. it will ~el you 11 up· Y'~1JJlwi I~.li;"\ll~e ~lP,e""d~ed~ wi.n s:tdve 10 make eVre:ry day red yO!] i21. m~steripie;ce .Th<l~ .i's w1Ir<rlchmJU'C ~e:Tn.~al ]iv)i:til.g~ perSfJI1@] m'If'lSmn" How do you k1l9W if you have nOi[ d:iJscoiv,e:redyou! nlission,?[I[ is a nl<llt~e:r flf <I1tl:illl,l!(:le <lind. l'ife-s1tyre. All].:: yOi[I~,;e~lfw~]ethel[ YOll h~ve ;a joh ~r w~lJether YO[l ~['Ii: C:lieaui~l,g }i'~il)1rdlieia~n? Whether y,o~ g(D TOwork amtd th)en ijave f[lm on your time off, o:r whe~·l,e. ,y.UI] ~o'v~ Y9:1ill.f WQ:U'k: SO~liIIu<:~lItH~a! e\'f:'1] 0111 v<g;:,;!rl.io'rli ,YBI;I!T Ihoughn\ tum te your wOI'f£ mJ~ld YOPf missig:[II? WhilJtJe.ve:r youa:nswe'r, "the ~;!;rQce:s,~es ideas ill ,t]ds a[l~ ~ft!a:pte,V'wiHhdp, Uynu ~.]J"eady lenjoy :J. ~'©!is:;;iGr~H)!~i'enredHf~1 Ul~s ~lThaptefwi ll m;ake~t e~n mOl1l': tirea:!', ex;diliililg. ~nd [[Ia!isjo]]L~Je..

R,emember h[lW.1~g a liny cJ)i]~~ yQ~ l.eafl1l,i:ng ac~oJI!lp]isihme[lll;? Nj;Dw, if }'{l'Upur y(m£~~]fimJt(UI[l i.llilitt,gilll<l§-Y ~im(l mm:hil1fl, ym.! q<)n ,g(~ back. nr t!lalt t,im!': 'Clf'eru',~y ,cbi"Mh[)l;ld" just rpooienill, :IlJomoot3!riIY~~<lt YlYJl!,lliW $~ thatfime lE!aduii'lc. ]:mlll',gjDe YQY ."re·g~]ing back t@a'l.~t bpp~li~le of aceelerared learning asa c'h~]~.Get a. gl ilTIll~Se 9f: wh;lt,t if $, No[ic.e thaI the pooprie ~uru vlery ~hi~y~1,:I l.fH'.'I:k>Up m them. There
1. rG·Qfj,aek rJ'J ']'rin]c.
(<l}l~"!iKtic'

ilchlevw

.~ib:.

.ill so m1.!~ g~i!]lgea. .2 .N,7Jlite tOlftl..t!a.Fl1i:"g 'Cap.Q,bi;fifii~s YO~II Mlf't ~~clivdl 3!tlJ pml.. :i<iorJi1<'t~I)' !e8!mHg. Y Q~ ~m' .Iefl!millg alet Qlf~hjilgs, espee:la1[y fuiZ( ~ .~a~ngl.!a:ger; dlJl ~e le[U'tli:ng ful'Ele!ll tt) tmfirty i1.el.",v,rQroli Ii d,f[l' , Y ~,!'Ulmut e.'¥~~ll[mt:i:rik!l1Ig ~lboot il" ydJU ,are ream~[Ig 11!I.:i.l1d.redsof rule's of grl:1lmt1l1m:, Amj~~~t ~lbiUt:y l~;:de;m:lrem~in,s i~ yo'tja. 3,. /n"fUl'Wt!Ji Your G~l~,. {[m h'a'l'e ill;5' llrmoJQ bnr~ll.7ell$ t~nu 1 ~Qgefbie:~<I~l"'vil1t~di[lgwithl!ffiie, ~ht: uilJry of fL ~110l.!~"'iici,~!:tu~lJ.. Y.oU[ ea.n:l, can heM 1 ,r~ diff~reT!t freGliu.rendes, ~~t1g;i:l1t;gfi'G\m 2:rl1 ~l) :2:0 ,000 cycles per second. 'i~l'Irey~fi' 'C!,!I:!Jete(:l a '~ingl~ phili.J!t(ll1 0;[ .~:~1'!tll.Andd\tb 8iOO ,{loor tl:ben:ull ~ch rQ:f yOl!l~@pticJ:!I{.':r-'ie~ tm'llsl'l);it l~tit'~ :iil:l~o:rtn1!l!tion frvm 11 :n:mmkll1J. rods .a1i!d ,-,,{)rne:!; to FilM bl'ain ~.]] the w@rJd'~I,~gt!sl optical ~OIl':!iPLltC:1i' ~y£liem. The moru~h:lim. 300 1!J.'I(~El:i!Cln, a;~r Sa-CiS i:.11 ynuf llll~.,g:s<provide O;{,J' ge:~ tQ d~e 100 :til'lJ" Wi]1~!ili1Jcei'ls ~ffitro\l!ghf:uil yGl1.I1' I:xJdy. Y'ol;ll1' 2.oel benes and 656 mmsc],e:; form Ii! more flllmc:~o:ml1iy ui~'~~ iSys~emrof ci!pllMli[ies tim" ,i;l:ff)l kMw.f:li creatn:llie. And ti:t!tS;e. ~nrl! dtller tremt?lItd(i!.\J!s.~biJ:i~ ti ~s~o fmmdimJl (lJ~dlea!1i! [J[fI he a:pl~i~~d:' mafi.lr' )i:H:II'eI;mt w a ys, ~!'1 "'If Q1:I can't ~Qu[U.,aU Y(UUf ca1'lI]lbJjli~iER,-~here a~ womar!;Y.

O:!l4M':!~ ther h~I:tt!. if ~

151'] it

¥r(]U

hav'e beell[~vtng

~!1~l].1!~~S[Oll;;J;te

nte,

between t!lTte dr!Jclg;ery of \~f!!~klng fo'l' mrO~ey and oec~Si~n~t times ~(lI p'~ay, lh~sd:w:pre!' can help you d~stov,er yO!1fmj.ficsio~, SOi!He people dJI~\l re;V~]i], Ulink ,a~oU:t a l'VI!~s.~H';Kn )~c~u,~ee,y ~ ~ don'[ eVre;n U~bd;;Ui]~y~a!'l get [~ere. To ,~~~e ~Jruy~!1ctJi onsense, n lefo;; reG~U wh;;J!ta ~me.,]dOU:fik'a['ner y"u are. To ~.dpyo.Uc c.[ieate an ilni.lge 'Q1f ydurse]fas ,a g~:eat~eaTner, '~~e the ~!e:1'I'( eX~;r('~e. Adij j'Oijl' (~wne:n:hlillll;e,]])e1iJ[stn lilliis rex.J~i"cise. A~d sp~rit~:ll!~ t mental, :a:",,~ Qthel"i!.l!~l[iq,ije c~l~\ahi']]t~es, YGU tnpw yQ~ PGsses:;s~YQi(I rn.igbt w~mt to do it d.".nytOlf a '~Ue. W~fhipra:ct~ce. the im!l!ge you dJevelo[) can W[m ~'!lIW a 1ru5!tainedil!!');d i.rui!!nedj;~:!Uc:i'Ya'V!l!i~able' heUe:5 sy~le±iliIDili U'ta:l win SUPPQtIl you ill! ~]] you'!" ,,~UvH1es.

Th e .~ , . f ¢:J,e~~e:..· ~ ~.m[.lorta:nGie (J,' Bell f .n

You wm find YOlI!:I!r unique misslcn if y'(]U usa;: the rel.~rQ'i~es ml, lWS chafoor t't-a:owugMy"'fh.~~,·s because you possess a Uli~i,!uerComb]na~
of Imit;l;rr~ts.,desire ~ and d~v~]oped ~k~Ug ,:'l;\j well es 8i VMl resetvlG·j:r or /UJldevelopoo talents, On,ce you d.iscClv~r YOlfrmi s S.lrQIilr ~I],d UV~ it, :il !ruii~f'Y ~m(trunt.eres[S;lJuj you]" i]1'~l~fr~1:'iIt 1,j},I.rtO.iliI'$ as.. t~1eteamer in YO[l ncrtlrksfu~iJ~ Youcan use UllJs abi,UI[~' [0' If:l[L![J] by krlliowli:lJg thai, ~l ,a:ll:LY po.int ~]U,
t~()jT]J

wm

4. Form rei S,rnt;le .l,mage, Now. wh.~f\ j'Pl!lpkrul'e YOIlITa1J(~]it1i' <to le!l.fl!, yQ!iJ san see these kindis. of ,catpac~t'ies .~ !lwho.le, oo'igl'lt im.ag'e,~f y'O.UiI: hum[:l:fI nervous, sys~e;rn-!l! ~~s:te.mJ.l Qj]' fiulIlctimla! rCap~bjliries tll!I1i1l.VfI~reGi i[l me b!@\ND uaiverse, :n ym,1 ~\!e'li" fmiJl d rm!l[ ,p'i;Vnrca~abi~[~yro~(;'hi~",e ,mu~llcS,5.io.na. this image can j)op ~PffS ,f) fu'tlJal aOOOI)!l.nl~ of ym:rr gifts. U1.imlllig,that cl.Qubti1!l~l} eenfidence,

yrC1:ttt

~]f'e.y,Qillli

can elioese a new direetio~,

a new

~Ci(nll.r8le

orr ilctiotu,

N
>

.L

85
gellLi n:g in tQl!dh' '!1M ith thelF .~]1iri&ion is '[hi!': Tll;e~ j:us,t don . t k[li~'W how W do it. Th~y don't J::~~n~' how tQ gp worn U"Ieir day~ro-day goiS;J,s.,. v.ahaes, aad i~lle.feS'~ s [0 t:t:I~t r.m:.e unified dilmc t ufm. of eXJCitemeat en CI

.~.new miss~dn. You can tlh;!l'Q'Ile[ aJnd ~h!,(:~ycru;r missicn, [f Y(lml believe you CfUI yo~. will. Why? Because ti:lat~eHejf <ilCl]VIHeS ]]11 Y{fU ~h~ same p~~efl@mc!<lliI] capifiJbnl~~e,sc118 those mtl@JIHkefiladilievern < YQU s(~·admW.B (liIlepeU~1iII !i:iii~1fil 40 some'tliImg,);!jIIJ}!!IlIn.e (1I!rl. hmF!Il to do!~t • In the m]s8ion~disco'Vel1'p[oceSs beloi'itv we wHI ~.~igh]]gh[
t

by-~t:e:pr~e:fieso~exercises

fll)li~n[1l~e:!l~-their~shJ'fl.

[,~ ispossible,
'~.®,.~SlS.iS;[

youW dClmrn:'!i,~;e passlon tn your

however, to use

111

step-

iSit;l"V(il8i]

[[la:ner of

pastand p(;j<s;ent aci~revte[~ of gre<ltllleJls, Y'!llW!wi U .Ieam w see tl~e. patterns tha;~ underlie lhe]]' [1l1l0tiVc1lt.io11. 'l'ihese p<ltteFuUi are a
ilH]~lU~~,

UM! V!ir\~:no. tmrudre@~ of years ,1I:g©1 w,as, ~sked, ·'\Vh~.t ~tre YQ'U ~]Ioiin~T" hemi.gh~ have said. ' 'rill hrying bricks ,hn ]Id:~g a. wall, j Y'SiI. do~g my j Lib..•• ~r1I<rl's OH,e .k~,l]d~f p'.elfS~;m~a perS~'H][ with a. paJ-:li-qu.la:1i gnatClr he m],gJ~J h:J.w,e; siI:itJ],"I'WI'I.bdldiwg one 9nhe wo~ld's grei)u, iG<~~hedn:",ls,building ~,fual y..'~U :a s~,lInd o~;l!u.uie&as a ~l.otu,ro~m: to for wh<l!t. hiiJ:n1,UlIhe~~8s !Z<II.n tehievle wH,h d't~ ~nspllia~i'~l:1Iiof God .' , 'fhO'JJt' s; < ''J.pers(nl with a !]1Jiisr.[rm. U'S:'IO\e kil10 off:eeii!:l,g YQU ean aim for, .~:lJI IGre,atirrg a miss;i.oi[IJ' lor Y@l!!L['Se:it. A mussiom is[J'[ SQITtelhillg yutl fOlloe 011yoarself, or sOlm~llW.l1g Y()IU make eut of GILlJ~il'el:1il con~el"l~S.I.t 'is '~m;b :llargli:Jl" and d:ecpe:rr limrul ~!il;3J[. liJi;£ s-~nnel~~,Il,g you ~]sco\l'er V!, ithin.ly dis.cQ,1!,!criflg YQ1H ~ls:~ ~]Gli1!, (lU G;U:1l Iwtah S~]1ll: the goa~s ylJ!up~rnue :l!'!:e yo.~s; ]lP!'! ean Y make K!,rre UliUyOU'U be g]ad yo,1,i!. achieved them when Y;©~ do: omd )'(Jilll can make s~J·e'ilia~ y~!M jeurney lM\]~glh: tifi;; uafoJcls w~t~ a p~~l'i,icQif] energizes lev~tJ fiber >of yO:l!fr b~ing" nl~t,
l

]f.:1I bl[j!l:k1aJ)fer hQ wasltlJl:i~d,i~~ Saj!ll~ P,~~ei':;;t~U1~d~a] w in

life, whaLynll were bern ~Q mc:b]eve in yo~r Hf;e[ilu~. When )lOUL tJhimI!kabout YO!,J[sdf 1ind your 'l~f~,~nl eun <ICknOW] ~ y edgeri g.h~..now l~h1J:~ h a;\~eUViOO y{r~ yoni' 'whok. life to this [Joint and! ,IQl! have }1l,1n'i'!;'~d, Antd :SiS\VIe aU kpGw. Lltere is'a IrjjjJge difference " bet'\veen mkere.ly SllfYivl:i:lg lInd fully living, BlMn,S:~]'Ifd~lf<l:~ed[:.0 survive is S'~melbing, you've always do~e, If 1 not, y,D<U w'@1ddl1~1~ be reading dl~:sbonk. rign[ now. When )f'®U I[nl:l'llik JlJad O~ Y©~'1 ~,~·e,bere poob"-bly iT<)'lf1f: been rimes when yml :had to t gel a very :;t!1l:l'JI'Ig :gellse of motfltabon for Y01!ne:lif hl! cQlneir to sur~i\\e, iN" ow you C<I:JJii! redirect the .~[!ergyY.f Y®:t1,[&urv]val ins~i.ne!t J.'lO lh~l~ you can I!,Ise~~.o[C ~®i[lgtHtyllj'md "sul:vi.ving liO llving~la li,yill~ f
' .

the

lif'e ma~.YQU J(;·[l!lo.se. VVe ,acWeve Ure!ivirlg

'Df ~uch

;:Ii

life by lre~e.f1rbernng

tJ.la~we

have m ,c,apacily to learn •. Ai'ld lfs~eariJm,ing~C:b,;j~giflg the w<ly wt t.lri[Uk, fl:l(;l \\lay w'e be:.hkl'V'@;, '~~wlay we o[)imml!l]]~:Xle-th,~l1lir?llillhelp
,U5

acwe'\lle: 01U I,Inftd~[[,[g mission,

1~&5'O'fi thatall l[hegtJe.at achievers 'le.•rch us Is [[lli.ls:Do wh.!ilJt ou love '~© d:~). l'h<fl~':5s~mpk! eJlJ.@'iJi.g]l •. HCl1We'!leE. y semenmes :pe©'p]ejust don't believe ~~e.y could pos.sj]jJMy be .p'.dd for d.Q!i~g wfull!:[ Liley love. Other l1me:s" :~ne)l have,; :fof~,one.l'!Il wfu3.l.il .i:s: Ul:ey love, hrbaps the m5S~imp©id:H:lj~:[~fu]ng ~oop:speople frum liw~

Th~ f1.!Lnda;IUeflm~

T D lfihd m c:x.qu~ eX,1i.ll1ple pa,.ssir1inl for !ife, we Imed [0'01 nO site of iunlum li1.'IEli Susan Bu~c:her. who raees an tile mLllo;l ~tl.Je:nl!!g<l]i!:d d]f~ ~euU.nice ~IDlJ t['iJ.~ WlO;li']d-Ule Idh2lrod ~.og~sredr"me, The .~dharod race S~U,fues eleven ~~lmrlre:d miles across the baJIrN·~n,. 001d 'wilde!,me:ss in AI.;;)sh ,~t litlrw ron d~)'s 01 mClI5e" '~[ld an arnazi ng <l.cc{Dmpl it's iS~lme~JI Ilo fi~lTIIilshit am aU. S'US{!iJl Butcher 'D~IS WO!f1t nee four rimes, lliis Hicnw did SUSJ!l1!1!B ytdhe::r decide tJlHt~she was gUlng to be an 'er}i!.,e~nen~ ,per!Co.~.merjn fi~~sfie]d'? [n BH5:. she! was nY~lng the U~ite>d SUliltes em the East Coast, She was ~Wel!lliLy y,e;a:I:'.Sa,.ld. and s~1:edidn't Jrn.ow 'whallCJi do witl':!ll@l" me. :S;~e" asked be'.se~f."How can ~ C~'eate ~I ife :[h~[ includes l~he~wQ l~.~illgs1.1:I3t ] 1·©'lJ1~: ilderness and an i.'IN ma[s?"!i{er,lI1J5Wer was ttl dls(xwet llr!:I' persona; pOUlSl!O[iJ. Sbe said; . .
_' -.,. _'·r' _... ,. ~

I j lJ!it always loved do~s· and ll ,ffilimlll s _And \ hen :my fir 1 dos d ied, I. just wanted ro replace him, And fended !,I p b~]yi,ng a hu k • and he was six wee'ksuld. And I tJ10l!gi:1t, "Wcmld1lill it be n,e.a~ teach him how to :pun a !lled? .: nd so [ did it. <Iii <I to' hobh)' Bu~ then four moarhs la~er. 1 bought 11JY 'fe(:ond husky, and theu two fllOiflltns after Irntlt" .I moved in with 1:\ woman who
+

'l.1"I~J:[k it's

Slle s~rysof her lif : "A ]ot of peopte would [ook· l n1. Hfc and OiL tal. of hl.'iN work. B ~,d fOil" rne, [Lt' <t labor of love, '" ~ hat' how youknew when you are livina your unfojding mlsslon-« ~ l~en pUI'~uing your goal is. a labor of leve. And it comes fro m

h d finy hn kii.e&, ;HId I~hen 1

·tmfled

muhing ill

eame L 7

ffnd:i~1JJg ,"our ~~fe' S: pas Sloins. AI'l(ilthelF perso!] of achie ement i 1'1,' found and follows his p>a:s,i.,ml in Ufe i, mevie wfeclur Sme en Spielber;, Jote p ple have
o

So he d@cided (1) doe-sled t<Ji' ling. She kept moving wet and iloI1.h.hc ended up in Alaska and buwhl log cebin [0 U em. 'She a didn 't hav~ a,ny SecUf]ty ~tUg9ing[here a.ndEuUowill'£; her drtftiIIT but $h~ did it ,::mjrway •. A.nJ.d.now she is the fOfiemosl achiever on tile pJ,an t lnI er sport-,a: sPOI;i: tilat, up ro nus tiJne. has been domln tted by men, In the cese off SUS:UI Butcher, it i .e"l1sy to 'IJ.l:lder landlhe ditIerenee b <1;\ een ,iij mis.s:oIT aad a goat Here' 11(l'wb~' describes k" We "rere ,~1m Fairbanks and talkingeo a friler:td ours. And he of ,id to us ·What do y~m see yo~rsel doing in five or ten years'?" \Vf! [sh~ amid husballid David I tried, ~o e 'p,1 ro him ain some of w[~a~it. was, AD'tdw!~e.n he k~]:u ~,:u:esholling us 0[1 our goat our goat didn't seem r:ighll.O him. Our goals weren't to !dnd f mak~ ~t somewheee lfinElnciaU~'~ and I!b l1 a'y. "Ab,
c

seen Steven Spielberg s movies than those of any other director, He s~anedln;l!ki ng movies when he W~& a chw]d, Ii. mere: ,e,i~hl yeaS old, H decjded t!batM~mission in Iife was to be '. tQrytdl:e.r ~brotlgh lb [Iauedium offihlll~. ~fe isc:onshll'llUy cre~rling. b'ecaufi:e to him, lr'F1ak:~1'i\,g 'l1l)()vie;s is like pila!fi[lg. 'rh]s .~. haw Spjt;Jberg descJ.~bes. his work:
["I] my I]]ms ,rn oe:.lehnlre l~l1~ :~ma~ lnetion a.8 atecl ,(]f g[l;111 ~ ereanons _ . . . 1 dream for ~I Uv~ng; Oneea mondr, the sky bU . on :in}; he d. [conle to. and I see anomermovie I want 'f' make .. Somerune r lhhdt I've gol '~RlU bearings for b~mins~Jftite$e idea are slipping and , liding across e. ell otll~r aJI the u me, t\·ty pf!~blcm is ilil;l( tn}'inuIgil1ul'Iion won't nrm 0[[ I wake lip '0 excised, ~ ca~' t eat bre:akfMt. I'v'c never ruiifi, et (lfene!:g;,v. IU o

l've made ~t, W dw;e' ~'il'h it." 'm ':Ild hat we: ~"wtil!!: difference was, and what we ~1Pl in·d Itohirn i the difJlieilenoe:, is thB.t we are 'Clonlen~. doing what '\,Ii." M

00"
0Ur

doing now. And so y.es,. we're w'orb~lIg extrreme~y hrud" and we're ve . c buy. ~!Id perhap )fO'111, know, on cfour g;o;Jill, [or the futurewould be to sle the pace down Oil little bit, bUI nOI Itoe hange il . ... norte reac:h ,8, (minI in cur eareer at doing dog bing and then sey nom going to drop tJhi dog mushing 'c<JIuse ['v.. m de fu· m .ncy off of do Hlushin., and go of and do

~oEl1el:bi[Jgels '. We love what we do, <l!l;lidwe m'l:l aLready Li.vin,g dream, So we: don't have to 'l1rlake elflClucol;imoney or reach a certain f-l inl i~1 our care .. W MADE IT .. 1 nn:ade it thirteen

years ,:!.Igo-bec;uJ. I've been llvlng Wlithe bu~llt wo,rkin.g whh my dogs [Dr all u~fthose years ,8,

So Sreven S:pielberg :ban b an e ample t us <Illof whal can har~pelil, wh,e']'J y'@u ,d~,~~hm}',17U low:~ 10' do. ,ed Turner i arlOthe;r example 10 f ap erson \\rhQ i passionan Iy UVlng a mi jon. Hie is 'I:he:lounder 0' the Goudwin Galne.'i mUDd,er of CNN" TNT. 03iiNldHe~dUnlJe ews, and 'i:::Ecator'of ,a_t:j ~'I!Il,c:red~.ble C'~b]t'Hllel'v~ionempire. In fact, he brought cabletetevislen news n 'I only 1110!:he: United 'We.' but lothe w, rkl, D clared by Time ma,g:<Izine~ ihe " MlilD ofth e Ye ar" in 199 I. 'cl ~ u:mer is a person who is bringing M3:f hall .McLu:1fJran'l'!l • 'global ",iUf.lge'" '~[im ,our dail.Y·liealh.1 tluough his Qrg.anizations. How did he, tarrt his mi ,.iclI1? Af~er he :fYllImd out '~h 't hjs father Ed bad .rn.itiat",(j,pll3lw; W sell aut hisblllsinelllll, T~d stood ~p tol'l'ii'ID ~It,<I e rwenty-four. In fills 'lor,. rbal battle •. he . 'threw ba k j;!]1 of Ed TUfl)er's own argllm nts ag:a.hlu l quiUi n ill life." Soon after thei r 1IJl'gu.l11ent hi· :[Eil!fuer ki lied hi M' elf w ith p~stol. From thatmomem
lf

8'9.
I:lb<liS~of (linr ijJ~.bllh~s case': !ttheruQl"'llm!J~~ piaimi IOf dealtn M©I~h'\',f1wd rh.inm to reexamine his cLe.e,pest values <I!1Ji.d principles •. !l.Jld ln fact l() develup :Sflm.e new ones. AnotJ]e:l:pers~n w.ho deep~y (eo:;aJ~ili!med his val ues ~nd p'.JrIMipJe s Wall, .<t coach, Jo];un W~QtI.e:I'1!.' UC LA ba$ll;:~lball It~Jl;tI1l amassed the s gn:l<1te~t will[ii,~.n,g Milli<l~ i( 88 games) in ."n.y rnaj @f S[)G.:i~.. ie is tll;a;e H ol'lly .pe:l'Son en shd ned .i FI l~ e B,;Jisket·b~ Hall of Fame M beth ,11 pl~y,e;[ and ~Q'.acb.. O[l!!.;r'lg his'!.l 1!N;ru'S It UCLA, 'Ms lea 1118 never

IHllitNr .lEl.,et~emem.. Ute' Stev~:n Spi.elbe;t:lJ: . SIU~;,j;1II • Bliilu:fu.er,a:n~ mheiIT g:re.rt achievers, kll'lPX\l Y(J'l,Irililti!I;r;:st:-;;. Or !is NLP~(fifQi!!J:ijde:[ Ji:itm GdnCL!::r once ;;t:l>k~df: • 'What de YOl1 JQrve~o do so FIllloh ~]il~ YI01J1"',j]l<ly W do iff'

l,. I¥Y,(JIfM'

.2.Kn~'w
~lIlgrw

r,(JII'I1' 1pas~o~!!l.l:o,w· .EJes,i:res"Y~ur Lo~,e.s. Dilly you W;hilil you~m~ylave, Hcooid belimtk~!;:dng.teachi~.i1:, IlfInm~ ~l!lg, (W hilndru(t~ ~)rh~r rd'c~.igllit~~~1.1 PQ~$,ihuU~ies,You might find Ih~l:t~s, iml. ,iI hob'by ')'\OIiJl. njoy, You N'Ii_ghl love ,peiO]jl']e Ieve CQm· e ~E pute:rs" or both. Aii>you UlJink ~r~Ih@!'ie ·i;r!h:;1'6~tS.. ~~Qs't: d.~s:ire~. 'tnOM; jgW;~, a~d [h~e ~~S\OflS, :f~e1, yEillif owrn i.nl:mier sigml:RLlsof ecxdrern,ei:ullnd ~merest ~elJlimlg UIJ frem tile deJilths Q:f you§'ps~l,che, Feel titlem. rue' <1111 mv,",:nto.r;,' rn~n~o~lfnfl even~;s iml. yOAlI' lime. off [J u()uha[i N:.n.millio:n. doHars, \.v~at w(dcl you pity 1'0 do?

(~r

h~d a !Qs~ng seasen. Andin his last n ye3;tS,mey W{ir!

m-

CAA

j, p{~i;J"«~Q.u "l~os{!, ¥j)Ut ih'Tm:i1!l!.

S'eeffildl bear your J"avlJrite

)'QI:! 1110S;~

be n.~~ ..~\10'1(!!m)'OU'V<ll elin~l'~t(';c1 i:f~11tf(~d .arid lhrQl1gbmlL~ yt~rurMfe. These .he:mesmay have s~1!lilaiultteref>lS". desires .. <lnd
WiIi_l'l:lto

lm~mpe,s8i[J;cI ,acl.mi:red[)eo!ple.~h.e

1'H~1l Plld\!i,~~!lI'IEfl.WI:10'

gows.Pa}' atJteml'tiOlJliiOd'l.en:l <Jl'ldeil'lJoy th~m _ s~nn~m~rI '~Im~ :i1C[~~T'I ·of ;,II'olJirrnurlJ's (ly~,il1 d'Jtl i~nne]' theamr. andfee]l:ne e1'l>c[ternerU YOlli"ve [a;pped into,

Qharnpio])shipili.i.nd~rllf.1g seven in ill mw. .0 team in eollege basketball ha'l'i even COMe: close (0 fi1:.pea[mglbe~e aehievemeras. Il His, lig:!emles.s, d~d1[ca,[ron isf~te]l;dRiY. He :stiU h~sl'!e~;o~d;'S9[ every rntm.lhtt:of ~v,e:ry plJ".aetioe of his ItweJjJ.ly-,'!jev,~JJlJy,e~:u:.s at UCLA. A~d. he,[!)e\~e:F~alked abom W~:tID:iIlg, "To HtC;" ·stl~e,s~is;I1J'~ outscnriug ~()iIn¢orre.It'sthe peace of~d ~ha~COm!l':S &tmrlse~.~f-8.dwsf.u;:t~o,n iII };:UQ)Wl!lg ytlt! did ){our '~~s.t. 1'Iud'~ sl(]ime:lhing ~otch im.11.~v:id!!Jla~ WU$t detennlne for ~'n,[m~lf.· ,II~ By com.biDllllg his ~th~edC'stills, fuil 1) fat,ne:r'~, .creed G'Ip.rn.ncu]'l.~es W live by,. u:d ,alove of pe'@,!e .. he beeame tl~e mes ~dmiwed coach il';l(h~ W[l'rl:d. Ho'w did be. [GmiJU 1ate, h:~:l]mi:s:KuOI:I? : 'filThis ~ht: c:rged, g~lii'elllto him. DJ! his f'It]]e~[,.~h<ltmade up <Ii. key is

paJhl: of Uvi~g. :~lJ,1'S m:l!sS]CMm,;

] . II e (me !O you:f.srelf:. 2. Mak:e eaeh day yiou:r mm~t.erplec<e ~ 3.. M~lp O!tlilJer5. :4. [lrI~llIkdee:!9.!y from g_"(Io::dbaeks, lesp5c'ia] I)' Ul~ B~hle, .3. Makef:rne:ndtsh.ip a fine art, 6. DlI.i~.d ,i;!. she-her, ot'gains~ <I ~~:u~y da'l. 7 .Pny f"O:IF g~lhJ<tnce, count and g]V'e thanks (or your bless::imlgs every day. .Besides Hving his creed, wi1'a[ mClD'va~~ Mm te cheese mission <\$ a coaeh '] 1111 i.:;;, (~W~ wOlros lThl!s:aid: h

4. PersiJil .. Keep ,(iklj.~.g d'J.j;s evet '<Iud Oi~1el' agai[j yl1til you h<!""ea ['iC~.l cwklct~on of imagesM'Wi'laJi: ~~. are p"!oi'S~(](!late !tbm,lt dining, on, Ted "sped forth eaa quest from whThk:h lte would never kmJ;, hack. " .. "I'~ His ~aU]_e]"'gdeath pnjimpteJd himte recxarnjne his de~~t v~lues. Up ,umi] (ben Turner "'3iY his, fadme( s idea of s!!I!l~ess Jle:nne= s, ated~n:i~ ltn.inkl.rn,g ~ ".Hewas the one". re:aUy.lil<'i!it 1 Iwd expected eo be 'the judg,e of whether I w as S!!jli.~"Oessful elf nOl.. . . .' 111i5 ree)tam~= nat~ol] ,of wh~lt WaS im:PQrtanl 'c::rU1:e~ some- majo;t"sh]ijit.s in Jh'JJtseriw,eda.$Qi[ Sl1coess, He ~aid, "I ""pent 11. H ~f IJm~-lryiqt:o.fi:g:u:rl!ou( b w;hml it was ~ha~' he did w[-om!!;. He pl1~ teo mud! empaasis on -! [ l'~ - •. , e ~- I" ""'1,1 .... ·r2: :fI'H]rel~ia! lSJ[J!QG:e:s:s... can [e~.u. YOll. rt 5uQO.~S. gu ,Iil, • .. . Oll:lr deep~1i.t nllRem~.e~ pIn become a .spt:in(gibo!8Jtrofor t:!:Ie next
j.

n~s

Asalll~tU::r[l,f fact, I 'm fl.'leqy,en[IY::ls~~d why :~dn.. se coaehe U;]llgfls, .l.c~n~je:f~!.~dthen stajlled with h. Amos A~,u'i}2')~) S~.1J!g. whQ

L
J. l.is-t l'oll!rVatuej" filnd :Pl\in~iJj)'ies. Now go through lite goat' ym~,"ve:, bocn holdi~g 'Idri m~nd and .a~k' the Cji.!)eshou: "'\Vhill do I wllll!1'e i1lll:mM~ lhilS g~ T' .Make YG<I;I.rseJ:fa ] lst ..

tmrchedlftlol~b'iIll]l at Ch]~::!guw~(:: rrI u:se;d l~ m_ate. My :all!n1!lia~ •'w<l~k tifj ,Cb:ici1I@lJi," be'S! SY!l1S up my fed.il[Ugs om I~m:e>su.bject. S<tagg, who wOirked VI ith youth 'and coached well] :~lfJJ(O bis nlueUe~.when a,s~eidwhy ~,ccoached (iI!nOEl ~ald,. 'It w,[~ beceuse of ~ PJionrise lmada [C)IIGw:l"" I f'ee] thiU my rQV~ for young p:eopllf.': is Imetmail1 reason I h:lllile ~I~:ayedn coaching and have !::e.f,u:sedpesitians [ha~, ould i w have be.e~·f(1Jr m,Ofe' h.!cll'!ui v'e. 1:S
a, "

4. n'Jd' lro~i" lJe.ftpt!sl :Vatf~e,tWhen Y{l!u'VL: ~.ni$itDd .• JtlU wi~1 hflll(:l :a ~ist ~fd\:;l(;l.p values ~;nd/~r prinCliples. N@w Mk ymlr.sd.f,
•• Wh3~ isump(l:rlJ!l"!I~

Ita me sb.. l.d aN I[.[]~~e, ¥lI~\l!!es"''' Th~ i)IlSWeii:' @ ~hal:comei5 tg n:ti.l1d \!,I,m. be a v~UJtrth2!l is ,eV~[J moa:'Ir:i.rn~~rt'lJiflI'L K~@wi~g YOli!lJ[.mp~tt"lJil. de~p~ndUle~ ~s a .crucl<l[ <l:$pe:!:l a:f sel.fi !Jntie:rnu.audi:Hg.. B:~a~ i'l-(: I'iClW }i'@llr 1;'~~ ~¢~ ha.'!.ig~n mQ~ivati[lp
y~ll, ¥(fYF

.~oJ.lorwhTg SOI~l!)~ijm;l ,els.e':!, v~[ue~. He ,~Q~Jl:(ed d..~~Iy t,}~O h~~JJ!se~ He :ma~!e [hl;: 'Ila'hues, ~1J:td p:r~.ncip~es was ~~Mglli1il!imd f. be Uwuse~!1l!efo:r.m~j<l~ed h1J[o ~~s o:wIl.Y~u can do Un~ :san!L~tbingMIl:[ Ted 'Tul'JJleT <;mitl J otm. W,()Odiefl did" Yom call ·diSico~e]" ~OIJJ:[ doop~y IW]d v!!ihles ~lillUdpdi;ld@iie.s ruJid 'end)rnce UielJ~. IH:er:eis how, lie
W,~[I.'~

.ij:chi~v,emenrs;.yOTIn' e:~·e:ryactios,

5~.R£rc.OFd lh!e lila'lIUJ @J ~1ourDeel!e&i t:ali\le OJ'" .Pr7.t1.ci[!l'fJ.WF!it6 dfJl\l,iIl the$(!C vat~l:~S~l'!d princlpffies r'OF 6utt!1r'C' meferellce.

1EK.li:,RclBB !i)': .R.EttXAW1lNINIlii: YOUR, IIEili:lJEST VAlilJE.S AND PiIUNC].J.lU .. 1) 1J '" 'f'1:ink (Jj' :'~(Ji~!,l fJJ f,~rlr lnt-erres,ts, ~e:'l,j'uj:d' fte!!iil'e~. tA1(~k ':tll ~b(; £l,u:als dIm YOLJ[, arepi:!"'5~j;lIi!g ]"!lJW. N (;:x:t.i~;mk in;le!t~lc (!,liHUe £i.~.d."Sf,'Ii: t~wse: goill:-: ibe.ir!.!il W~hicv~C1. Y mJl' ve dlolag;n.tllbm:)j them <l ]o,rbr;oore. Pick Itihe~lmQiS~ i.~J]po.rwnt: ~f1I.e$ ID.1l1COmgto !lqi~d-t1t\:u ml!lill' be tWQ. tlm.ree-e:VetIII five of them. 1~1e.~ g@als,!lee yom spedfic desl OOQI.futlllJ:re.. 2'. EJe/J.l'l":In.hM rart.i'"i/(i!i"!lit,~a,u,(l.'~cf:ple,s.h;I, vihatevel'w<l:Y yo~, fHild !:!i!.O~~ 1~I'Ij.o~',abl~hold t~.hem 'mlllI1r;l. "fllke e!lC'bpll[~.uCLl.~!.Ir' goall .•. .ilJ i.n:! It[lm; see ir, b:eaJ['~t. ~ltp-erie:UJ(;~1 ttl1a~ i.lts, a gOfl~. you '",WI'I:, When you've: dm]~ th:Ol!l. ask YOll:tfS.t:IL "What dio I v<l[rme .;i[);[J:ut fiilb gj(l1i.l?" mf t~]e g{D<I.i1 ls to tfiii1vel,tfue '3Ji]\Sw,er migliM .~ "le;rn:minrg'" or .•'fun" 01' SOliJl]oliriill'l@; el:s,g: ~r the gO!l~i~ a rle'W jeb, the answer to . whia!l vO~I\I~lu~ ~bo!l~ h OOIJl~~, be "exciremem" 11I;f «c1il<\i.1~3:l'Ige." ·rta~ .~sweI' m~y be one, ~iliue. t!ri~ may be ~everf]J. For 'fed ]\tmer, hies VIl]I.!~ Im,gImJtJc:;~s:nm:m~, .soJ.vhn:g; 'p:l\oblemm. and escite:l1t1eIl~. SiJ~a:r1 lIBu~cher seems w\\'W!.Ie' love. c<!!r11'!:fl:" nctp~'ffie. a V'~ta$l~~. (I SluaUy the ·1l[18we)"l. are s\~~:gr~ wottls Qr~~:~ses Hke ~he wDm,s. rni IDe f(j1ll1(JWii!]g~b;~(i,of va[ues· and ,p't] ndp]es,

<!l[Ve;n~ll~

j,""ll$~i>ce

~l!roilloml1 ooauty
~flalllei!~~ CU-IdI1l,gC
'C'fCIl~il,iitJ'

:ic;:Lim.in_g
love making~h~' w'(iil1d a a'lel;t~t~~nb(;
mru;II,lI)'

®'l1lur
~ts.ever[mce

~dtgllliity ,~~g~!I:t,e caccl1:en{;c eJ(cit.elif\.ernt fa;(!l'!~~) f:rn;d;oml rlJlli.~~menl

p\l()yJ"!JI~"m,
rclld!.ltiQ;1iI

~~.rcly

%fl-eurhy
~If-reli!lm~~

~rvic!.:
",impHci~)' wl"'~n!l lJl"l"~""jhh~I'flS ~!,imlJ'llltiJflg cbrui!!!e

fum graite ~~al'pi~>'ls

[ITar'ITI1(1[1Y

£.':;me:.q;y
truth
Uil~"Iue i'le$$

~~lping
~Wll~?~Y

YsJllg rlli}' dbllitic~

Itllrn:LWt
:Lrn:lo~'atioh

vital.ity wiooom
:;.':~t

Joy

L
Thereare three
'~j1S

[USC

lUNG.

'OUR

1'011,

1'0

'93

'Lh'lt people becemeaware

r th

ir

deep

of becoming aware of your' alue OCC'1!;l! when ihey ere vinlared, \VhemomethJflIg h f1.pp J:1IS 'Ih.t makes YlJin:lI1nmmfAltlable, 1i.!p8ieU. ri:m:,ulJ]g;ni.e~HifI an y way, II:here is a o Y~~m~ p~~ell~ in your experience. [fsoJimL~1te 'is d.i.s.lies:pe~ lruJ ,WILd you feel ang;ry. the m 'ger YO'I!]ed ~U"l1Ie~ [fron~ your 'I,/~lue ~fOOf spect-how yOllJ wan~to he treated eespectfully m a :relanon~hlp. lf you feel anxious ab· 1::1[ Sin IJp'c,:,:ming; eve:fi~ -eo ,1I. e you ;U'~I.i[[J:sm:~ bw en you ar- going 't perform, thea tb L Ie(If ex eUe:rnce.l at the foot 10 your anxier . Often the most painful ~i,aJ~UllllJ:S m h e determine what we '.alu the mo L 'he se~Qlld w.ay to unde rand yom values is t1lrOU h events _!IIl3it

values. The masl commonway

1 jlJf.t wanted to see i' w could do tt-.li.k.e Chri.,topiber C()lllJ1llbtl~.When you do om·.lh~ng thar's never been done beS.J.1.I. 0.]], uncharted waters and don't know wl« fie you' Ir-e going ,¥ou.'rie nOl sure WDIAl.yl:lu1re going te f nd when yen ~et tllile[',ebll:l.l 0!Il. .1E!t1l!it~ul~'re' gCiiiIlg Sio:l1lewhere •• , •
fOH~,

We h'~'lie 11 ~-es[Y(ullsibi[ity ,J]~ause 'neJevi.sio'II ewsi s sa' pown erful, nos 'ito make a ~ut of money but. m have all influence ~lIil our commanines. And our community ... is ant J~tst the local market Of even our country bu! ~be world. m which we lrve. .. .

flJimn them. If someone ~cxtreI11.el.y r~pecaful to you-t!il.ecy tn.elp you at ri.sk tID' themselves !;it ~, time ofgilreat need [o~ Y(llJ,l,-it. feels gffi.~t Those fedings are ~'Il~ ue of l·fHlpee:~.com~l ~'. j[l!rth fll'cm~ vaJ
"'i,tihh'll YiJI:I.Wlrite-ym] 'w,~tc'hyour faverire :spurt or art ne eV~f1t and geJt in'Spim:g b~! <Ill excellent pe[jor~n ance., the f:e~Iing you. feel are ]fidk,atiof} of your deep values, whether you call (b. em ·e: cellenee, masterv, :beaI!illLlf.or whahNcr. The feeiling is mu 'h more hnp: 1~1I11 ~bjjf[lthe name ~f 1::1:1 fe fing, These \voms. are nOI Ihi! aetua! v lues ffilll.)i morethen itern.- tin th to ~u at your fi:lllOfi~f'~Slaura_rna:reUhe ,a tual meals they represent. 'lta]IUJ::s are sets of te:e1mg that let you kmO!,1;'what j s impnrtant [0 you, The tltird way tp e~qn~r.ie[ljcc (U~r deep value$is tftu~}"I,Ig:11 CD[!sdoil..l· imler e:xpfou.liO'[L h:rougb medha~i,n,g deeply. ,anyone corll disco er and feeltheir deepe .~'values.
TIl~ next thing In d, 'who your values and priac iple~ j n, 1 th m t ' iii: ~r<lndvision of rh ~ wholeness of wh,at 'ou '
[0 COH-

Wby don't 'we aim, durIng the next len years jn have peace n earth.' And iin [he Year 200Ot~ rum the time back to zero? And Jiet.it be B..P. and A,pl,_:Befol'~ P'eM:e a~ld After Peace. Tfla"t ca~dd be the g~'eatest hO'I1IJ;f we could ijesloii,V' I(]P p mill" genel;a~ ticm,. So ifwe d.o uhat" then p~Q']ltew])U be heretwa tJlhl~1i,l:sal1d
yea;ns born now.
-.

..

U~

Typi.ca] cif tlte In issi on of ,11 great aeh ~ever, he h:~.iIl hu."e, m:m:ty unachievsble dream as !l'101iv:adn'''visiIlifl. A~ll~he \\'dlt it that way. He bell1eve:.. that 'pil:ople .holPlld S;E:[ go~[~ tbey c,!t!1ne er reach, .., "I'm not going 'to rest !!.InW J] the world"_ problems have been solved, Homelessnes .• AWD'~;l..1£1'11 ~t.'I greall shape. t mean the: prob~ 1'

lems \ ill ~urviv.e'me.-I1O q.~~stliollaJ),ut h."

is a very lar~e one. ilU also !':!!1iffoklif'ig. He hEl' gathered Ith~ regoorces h1lQ;rter 'ID helppuU Hoff. lie iPtU on rhe
Goodwm G~

\>V'bUt:l his mission

to create ~ , ense ' f CfimmU.llitcaU n and cameraJ}S

derl among mUU

between Iht~ • t d b'
II

ofvour life, L;l~S go b<l. k II T cd Turner, After he re 'x. mlned his a[~es tnd pl,indples, he began his n1l~Sl)i.oDill 'e"lIn"!)I. Hi~ ~ewly ] covered values andprinciples led tile WaI?" to abe grand vinon of

i]n make

.ou

of p.e,. pt.

'1;'1;',

u::b~ng100lsvlsion

mpics.

•ad h provides a worldwl ~

cion III twork. through cable ill vision.r;;;d

n-~lIt give

umer's mi kill' m'

dwiflg '(11 years ommuniea-

grand vi jQn of po ibUilies. That's

on of theihinga

hismiss

Ion .

him excnemeat 1f1lif . N accouat of achievement in the world today]

complete with-

.~ ..hy. for 'e:x.fl!mple. d~CJl, e create the GomJi\!,I.UI GI;I];[l'l.J.?,S·, h wbi~h tool eigl'ltY III il~' dUU<lIS i.il:l ] ~'86 and ~~ ion 990" "I, ~ id j'l 'I~ ge:~'~!re[W'~ caumrics 0']'1 the playi:rrg fields ag~. I eould jill' t i[~U 'lim So vlets were lO'(lki~g 'to be-' m' [rinds, ,. he :s~td. W:h~11a~ke!i.why he [~V'i.!S h:i !Iife·the-way he de. h 1-. pOillde ..d:

Ol.ll( a de -aripLi:on of !tl:t:lckmil:Jsrer f:l.l]]eil:. TJ1H~' DnVel!iltor of the geodesic dome, lM n<trnes:lk~ o'f the rem.Mk~hle. new~y dJ c(fve:red Famity of moJeciM~es bw::km:if.i~ocfuUerefi~s, (b,r,tckym..llr.s ~Oi JIMlh .• the ereater of i!.beDymt'lxiun. map. the D)I:ll.i~xionear, and IUlrmeJ'OI.DS ulher nll1ovabons, he i known nil over the world as OI'lC uf th plemie:r ~bi.nkers aml \f] ]omlf}, .iulien'" ,of !h·e ~wenHel.h cen~lH'Y.

L
~,e[Il[~[1Jg ~o .

Sl5 uUer's Step :l-he developed a gr~nd vision .of his pUX}1o,~e :u:lI'J, ~ rufe and his ,tdenrilt 3!S." per '011 ,

How did Buckmlnster Fulleraehleve SD mudll trn his~ife? It tarted willi bi,· mis· lon, wbich I~edi..covered un oec hmdy night" After the death from HIM of b,~sfoo:i-year~;o]ddiilu,gJ~teri Akjxtli.n~ dra, hi double e::qml.riou fwn) Harvard, ]o@.!'!g his, company., finan.c;:i'lj, ruin, and the birth of .'31 second child, he found him~elf ~.1m! a uicidal de,pre.'io[il. Buckmln terFuUer SJtoodat the edge of It dark

.B.y ·19~;8.the number of original p:u:lldishe;d i~'ems work had °rown ro over 2. Hl per year.

!~

Y'I;H.l m~ Wl'lJi,l W 'M! some' .here,

'tl'Ii'll< Cll;.en;:i:fre ,,]m,o,

()'lit

in

a r1iJJtUli,d

~cUi[i~

Litem:!I.)1 gazi Il§ :i ntlIJ 'the daik:ness of Lllk:e J/;,tic'h]gal1 on a kllle! ,. tti,ghl in I 927. ill::had CQEI'l: toacrisis .. Why am ~ an utter fa:itlll!!M t" h~ 1lI. ~kle,d'inlc]f.im~:ller be: would jl~tI.1lilp or {hit(k.n:l:ld he eho e tn h thlnk. He begnf,ilrmillg his mission in .IWe. After.ulI intensive n:as-o,ning proc.e s, he ceacluded (ha,E[~e nkute didn't h!ive 1h~ tigil'il '[0' de'[,eTllltin' h£ worth in 'til lIflierse and tha~ it was neces aI.'W'
SUirre:.l!ld~l;n.is fat:e ur the ~ h]n1t1te '!!IiI isdom aecounr •. he 'e:s..pl;;ttRs hi.s di~co'ltefy:
o[

future.

God.

~~ this; rl v~tmg

1'. See r(J/;Irl,uef'lrst,~{II·t~es. af1.(~·AbUiI'f,e. The: net step isto di .over haw yom hne~s ... ant! )'OYf deep val LU! cenaeet imo 'Iml form Y~)!.iIrmi:>sioB!i,. it C;i.t1 be aDcomp,1 i!ilmd !by s~~~iflgtl g;rnlFllI. whole. 'illel!l.lI:ingfl.l.l iUKt,g,e' of W'h,H .p~11Poseyou csuld dedicate l':Qtu:HCe 10·. l'hi!5.wW be fltmrned frorn ymu iot rests, valu _S" <lJlI\1. p~. el'ltJ;o('lLs, ltieglnr to pl.S!l' ""I.th [tat image:. tha~ '. au see, which repeesent Some k ~Ddof d]['ecti.oli)lI't,'1ij'iOU want to till:: e. A you get ,11 is_ns~ ·of wlJilt ymn mi,~sillnr can be •. se~ vf~ril]U1s Mlii;T'ls'lilnt1-l 'Of yourself doi 1I,g ~fhat )1011.1i!i!1Ive [0 do. napshots of yonrab.i lities. 2. .f'QCU'
tllIi

.IJef'Oes

{;Il~(i

If:el'(j,f~es.. Tak,e

.8J

lee . arl

wn m

wur

.1 ha)i. f' vh wn the i.l1tegrity of the .mtidpatm'y

inteUt'.cn~al

wisdam which we ~jn.ayc.~]] • ':000. " . . . .,'Do [IuwO'w best, er

does f:;od kno best whetber I may be of ,M:I}I v;;tlu,e to IIv imegti'try of the universe?" Theall wet was, "¥9Ui d!OTlJtkJi;ow ,a!ld no I)l.m knows. but Ute faith you have jtl t ·e.stab]ished Lnl~of ,experience lrnpes es recug;ni'Uon of fhe a p,'ion: ". ,i. d!011l1]of Itb~ , facE nt' your being,' App~llrtly ddre~siuJl£ :my'elf. I aid "Vou dn 'FIlm have tile rjght toelii:Il~[HI:te yoursetf, ~OU~O [lor! bcloJiilig Ito you. Y,u~j be[ong to the U:[i]'!,te'fse. The significance of you wiJt1
forever
.[~lllruli:n

iav,oril:e tI· ~!oe oJFFroiflf!.S d! • Se yow: .elf doiJm.gi1Ii g~IJiIat"li '!,'C jlQU tih~· saln~ fce;~i.o:'igyou get WhL~1'I you thin!;:. of them See snapshot of the pel1 on you want to become. An:r imas s )'U dOIl'~
U~e .e:!fI fade

aw~y.

,cure

til j'Q;l,I,

bet

YOI!],

may

,ii

ume lil!'latyon are

fullni,ug your significance ~:fyou. ap]:!ly y.outs '.If to your experience to tlli.ehighest ad ~Jl,ulge othe men <lll'e here for :the sake of {Jdle.'imen. '.17

or

convening all
YO~L

;,0.

andall

WhHe Jiving this mis iO:Jm, bi p]:'of~s&inl]1L~. i.denlit.y ,grew. Ue

called

plerer
11]1':

Illml~1 "a ,~i)impn:;hensive anUoipatol}' de ign-scienceex." , 1.8 A:'f!..ou can see UU1}'llcn, y thia account .. he w,en~,'lhroual~, the t dmte teps in Ul]' mi Scion-eli ·to ry p ce . And he. D'lfl.leted

J.j', Dir:ecl a 1Iodl".11eufl-Q~:rse1f~ See youre]f · llit. w· y )'g!,i Wall~ to ht:-UJoi [Ig :the thi ngs you Juve to do. Whate~';H!j: m] C!~Hl():&elO pm y 011 th~ C[\"Ie1'1, Y u're the Sl:'iel~el',g.• YOll' 'l'e time directce, "e 'time. iina£e.s th<!1 you '~t ~m,sj.Ol1lalleall;mwt.¥ 01:1 Cain p~ wl ~Im '(~~et1~t images in j;rolJll f you •. Prclf':ild I!l:Ia~. you're ill the m:ldclile' of an, :im.er, dlree,-diirnen~±(II]I31 nrovie 'IDlleat~'i. ]fs i1 place where~t'lu, coo see ,:tmlln~(!;r !urCll"ee;1 lvi.lh g:f<Cid" fid~Ejty, . ~C,otice ho\'lO'much you e@!lli see. ~.ret:Li:Glg w~sClotn f.roro w~d:ili~ the sui e th isual display thal yo!.! lie ·ill '([(un, f YOI.I. V ill ual ize it. f~,el u, ~D~QlJr' 'i~. he hnagcll ~.ru o;flel]j '~:pclfi'i {: a'fidl i.nn f'ld I !:.id. T !Co.] r. Se yoo etf ih'il g ut 11 e arlo thal iives YOIiI lillgle ilil }l'OIUlr spine, Y..otl csn zoom in (m~1.<lll glorious, hlll'lalilLeO;. ~,~dtjng flJ!liJ:iffi that YI,lIl see. It allows YOIl t do l.Vh,ai 'l!1I I. ve t d ,.m.d a~on.pl i h wha,t yaw Ibelieve in,
T

'OlJ1inu

tl

1IL ro1tliierthan
jU$[

4. BeCW,ll1'tJru" iJ'!!,ep 'V:tlli':tes" Li st YUMr d:eeiP v~j~~ ~s yoU! ;'¥!!Itch

yOlillfm.issiC!1]f :liO~mmlo. Notice how Fo:ur ,~Iu~s B:l1,dym.l'r i.mages Cl'Il'l ot tEl~eln;er wW'I a ~6n:laik.abl]e c~!1s;i&~e,i'llCy.

];k'~~g ;!>e1f~~e.mec.~d. ~'lhil'lJk;,,[ht; lm -1.1~:CU.IaIl ~e:ap

tI~~:[().

an the pad of h],s.Ut~UQns; tb~t umlders;ulil1d~ng 15 net to

S .. 11. 'Elf. Jot .t1're,tp IrroJv~ }riJtl;fc ,~'nlj;er Wi,~J:o~n. A8!;. ror )'01:.11' inner wbd~mm,~lhemri:she.r pClwem. or Clod to g~'idJi;;ym,'lr graad vlslon, Th~s vi sial1 ]~ ,~oi H1i~ ~Q be mum o.r ,11dific{]~~'ery'than Ole croe8illo;n."Let ~.~ -oOO11.e yml' ,.Ai~k!:!!~d i~twill ~()'!W1c. Take (h~ ~i'i:lIle ~o see <In~ to

B.~s]~ain}', (tu:tOI1£ of [h~l .k.i'nd. whQti]~ goveraments er inl'>ti OQ11IlQJ"al]OmS or wt]ate'vev, ~U!e: &ClJllC"!iVha[1 lmlted ~~teUeC!,llaUy .. ~.~~d We' o~:ly wa~ m~ysre going ~~) bSiIlil.1Jle for ind]vi(hli~S C is to ·express tliernsefves l1l;div]duJi!l~ly o.['C'olk~!C,tiw]y.:19

h~<llfdiose »specl:S 9f ,~.fe[h~~ U1[1'i[~ mto ;;J; w~rok[l!1i1l1ty~[U ,'ee.l Q, p(ll'.v,e:n'W p<l~si.f]mi or. 'Se~~ome li[ll)n:: .~mtlges. S:f;)(t! ~Ol:lil.etime. f ~ojlll.!.l1J5i. Se;e .... a['aoUIJI rlgl;n,r<illiOl!flt; up-elose, ~Q~b(jrfIllJLm<!i~~ of b wn<J!tit is tl1at )fOUl oo.~,hl [,e1,!~i;ffil ymu llift" They "Can"~gin .gQ!~J1S c i hll ,81 oertOlj1il.W"tt(ili~llil, oc;mU~s~jfl~rnl~ l~'P:reseIJcil'\~ma!llY of )"'OWl! c !.!lTelillt ~~)8!~,S. s.o'IITLl,e of tlle. [~,ilil'g1i tn r,ll YOIli. w<![!jlS~~~:M~'I1li1 '@i}yd·QP :mro[f·"d:J'lclafg(-an.~ 'I1.~s.io:m~;ITYeolleerion of imll'ges tha,t vepreSe]!lUi
~1Jl, :p~~qc1~@ and ~roW' miss;iol1.

S~hw~icOmgiS!ve, 1m; m]sswn direcnon tly~[p:modfi~ rij,e vis16rb,

p,f U1t~. wb!oJe,.ea;_ti!lliN V[~W from SPI~Oe! 1]1r'®lll:g,n cofii:H.llncl]E:I!g Ute A.s8~ d:ufono:f .s1]~OO BKplOlrl~.s. 'Ihls gl!G'I!lJp published d:lt:'l book 'fhe !Chmle Pl" .. ~t'lmd is Ie:ngaging in numerous [[i]:lClrl{llti'liie proj.eds. Th~ emOUO,f1Olli]1y iwspriring ,e.x[d'Crief:lioe M8ee~J:fJ.g a _grnl'id V"isioll. net;w;lP b~ c.baitmer~lill ~~tQ 11~pedfic Iffiretl]OIl, l'b:1iIfs wn<uJ RIIsl.s:J~+ Schwa-10k$! did. l( [S t]]e d]ffe;~e.:EiJ.oe etween be;in:ugan [d.l,e dre ... ~['l:e:r b u and being a pe-rson WhM.a m.I.8:s1oIDi.

@. no lfhat· I~ Takes. T:illkJew'h>m:tever ~hFle yQtJ! n~4~fhie milil~ utes, '<l:~b,I)~.r 'W~!)]~ ,a:fternoO!IDI. Th~isls yo~" life, yo~r flllrlill:re ,<I '~al yem <ll:~ cft,ali.~g.Whe!'J YIOu,fill'lislti,wrile it ~(nvl1i.Your im;a,ges are £0 .1liltracEivc. Y@ll have Mm.eg:JiI"'rsc:.~ nf"vMt y(ltlil' mis '1Q1il i,s. Now 1'(1)1 CJIIl d.eve]Q[i it more f~d]y" As."kl:b:e vb;io'W..'try t!)! you '~(i g~i!,[.e;,Oll the giWt IOf.[~1isr1'lI!il~ v~~,i.o:tl. .

iEXERCISE 1.1:;F.U~mN6 A SPEiCIlFlC [lUtIECl'IONIFOR YOUR IGRA~lD'VIS~ON

1!Iii :PRi1!0~al.r~gpo:~e W Y[!!IU raw.nl. in1'lel: wisdomrn.a;t $pcdi:~ci rn:a~!l., 6~ .aJSI:'IO~~ lIfid:~o vf im..J\~es deli.l'~]l)p lID! YOll!.r nrind's ,ey,e .['[} Y·Qlu Oi!iVI) i.llil.e.' thefl!lier, ex,p~[le:rnre lhi]se:im~ges ~h~l OOPl:..eSeJllt ;;I. d:M;'tI(;MCI[JJ yOU;!' miss]o:J'l r.::olIWitMe, E~jQ~1 itW,<l~J::h wiha:~.. 1li!'IJppe.l1s. mt eomes frl}m y~ufl!l[!e!' w:i$d{'lm,

1. Mdk#:

Now llitll )i@u ean ~'ee ~cr~rg:F~]);d'!I~Si.OD of V,llEltlit yeu W,OOiiJto oCDn:uuili)Mt~t~ you ean m~~e; tl'a.I'l,tViS~QiE'lilt~.Qa cause 1~0\"'IGIiik f'O:f'-il I speciljc dIrection to channe! y'Q.u~ ~fforls ro. A:Slt1CUUt Rusty s(::nwe:ld;:~ul fe~r [:h~ import<tficeJ of ~rela~i~)']lslii]) ];Jet¥;lee:fla gm[ld vj:siO[i ·CJif w]'i6l~tl.e8s, and a s,peci~.c di.BllCri(jt[jJ. Hies le'Xperiel1.coe of the v i~w :fru~ sp1J~e h.el;p~d b i m discover hifi mission. Here.' s how he deseeihes ~t:
j.

t:n~re are fumlame:i1iUill li,mil3!ri.on s in our ili]il8;t~~l;lho[!l So :serVing [hat prllq>o.se [the needsef tillerwbGl.ep]@J~~t] because 'me Inst~Wl~Q~:.s themselves OO:fV~ hes~ those tmlllgs be[QW them in seale ~~ld worst thOl)e things aJJQ\i'e ~h~ in $c~e. 'n~.eyoperate: melt of Bi_'l'ld upofifea.. u.l:lfm:r~U!IISi[e]y. f, 'fbe ].1i1teUe~h.ud:apabUD.ty :~h.t[ y0u~nd 1 have on 00(: asion is c to Ull1derstand, til ,d lOur SUfV ~va[tiS clepe[lden~ on .otber!? around us

1. Add' Spf!dal1!If~'l:t!i. A.Jud yo~:.gwJU kl!J.(j ,ef $wr~O\. 8!;1!rro~!1:d· S;Qi1iHld. ~1:il1lh...:fild.eUty m[lSic. YO~I can see:. a. pOIPl-t.lfl' m~:I1l:tl of cl.if· . ~erem k.:ind.ii.of flr1l1.!Slc w he]p Y0'l:Icil@ose yOlJ!f music. There are Cecl1il3][1:kiillds, of rR:\lo:r;i,~~ mtls:i'Ctha[ ItlOflV~1 ~o }'Oful. !l.~em:e ,of ilnpo:rifDl:\,:., 'armdZI sense of tliltep.rofQ~u1id .imp~.i.(,fl~jo~s embark· of ~I]g r!,.ip~Jl(hi~~ mi~sion'~1:1your Ide, 3'. F·Qm~ulrailj a S'!1me~~c(!;, QUi 1'1l<!Y y hear ~.l fiil:inUy 'llIl fi mt The:lil,., Wnl up t~fi VOI.l!Ull1i~. As YOM. se.etwis i.!]';Jageo.r im",g~~, 11§<i:1 the m~s:i:c; m;,JGl!I loolt at il,. [oil'ml!lllate; ,11, sen:[e~.c:@ two in Wor,Q;s-a er bfi~f m i~8i9~ tl!lt~mJ;:m flhil~ rd~~ri~ yoyr I!J1lMl i·oliU. s 'SIe;velliSp~je~berg:may :~_a\le s.aiid (hal, .as, be ~I{lidk~ atw~at he
Com.im~ed

9>

L
wanted to do in hisl'lfu. .,'llllfl <L pl!lm~lJi(}' sw~yrelte:r. m ill I II ,·tories~hali he1p people grow. ,.'Pretend t:o b him. and gel tlllc fehling. Sill sn fl.utdlerm.a;y have ..9iid, "1 <11m ,al)e:I'£o who li'!le~'ill til wiklemcs!'l •.Iive WiUl !l:I'1un:1:flisomd!;iel~ thetn pOl.ll.'. Am:1 m .. '!::Me~n~ gli atile . in what I d'o," .Preteml to be her for II '~ewmOrIll1l:il. Ted Thm _f may have i., oked at II p;illiOrMia of images before· hi m., l;nig:irHmd. i.n'~eresling.EIfI.d he ml( ibave :sllid .••. 1.8111. a peacem~k,~[·.mbridg~puupl!tno~eflt~ !IOachi'eve p~~.e, " Prel~lild you are
Co

'99
Iisied in tbi c'Ei,p,ter----5usim. BLUcher, B w::Ik.WJ,~ns:ter Fuller, J ohn W codel"l, Rust31 Sclriw,eickan, and S'le. en ·p.i.eJberg-aligned dn.~m.elves with their m]S8]QO" Any inner objec'uons to achieving lheiLJr arlrcwaT mis Ions were negotip nU:d into S~ppO'J;1:. The I1l,ex~. ~e;[ds,. i.sa uH:tlmd ~() ,spBci,ficaHycr-eate e All o1flhe notable aehieven

Ted Tnmsr,

in~emal. c.on,glFliH~'nce ;r the pn!!; 6

mt of

y,ur miss]ol1.

"red 1\I~ner. 'Wlhat do

yOLl

fe.eJ?

EXERC1SE

12:: AUGNJlNG

YOURSELF MlSS([ON

"':11.11 YOUR

4. Il~d{t,(l~ Italu~i ,(Ira ,Pri.rit.;ipli!.

d~,s~ribill,g
yOl,!if

oIDIl,llla~eyour own W('l:rds mti5S~ol1. Ai: )'\m.l loek and see '~heimJil<ges before yO.I!Il, ]'er:l'es~t]ng you/IJ oV<CI:0JU nliis~,io\]l and YO!JI M~.l'ise 0:1' purpose, you can see YQIiIJSe,U outthere livl:n th'lI.pilrpD e ilIl,.,. \.'ctbal pri nclple tb~t guides you. 5..F!f!.d t.J.«e .Ffurtin~* A~on;g w ith thoe i.r.t~ges. and 'l~e ffilJij ~~,c, ,acnd du.' principle .. arid the words. II \"err, \"efY j}mrmmdfuelliil._g 1'Il<ll,' he welling IIIp f1'€lm 1<"WM:iml you. ~i,is " ~e:.il e of the .impO:I'!3'llce (If thi-l-;mission to you. These fe.elillgs'l~.ow Irom within rou ~11(lU,ey guide i'ml.

1. Birgt1~'(J:mrs,timJill:g }'or.,~ elf.

yot! ask: It!he following

fie

(1'1' qu~liuoS;. 5{lmetinw~ ytFlJ will ge~ 're-.eUn,gs ~di1Hs"!ier,~ '[ib:at suppert your mi.ssion. Olher time" some 'p!irt of you ma objeci .• , :E\gllds! "fbi)' do YOI:I want to ,ch·mlgeYOM ll fearound :md do a rnis 'iu!i! likJe 'rb<Bf?" Bver)1 (nbjo~~li!OlIQ.C(ll1t<lins imr~~n':'lll't inf(D:m~lltlon abea; ;how to it a;nW. ~-espei;:l:it.

-c,ury om yeur rniss!

iIli,

a long

<ISyOU!

Ii !:en to

Here ,m, SmiJ,le qtIes~i(ms. ITI ask: yotl!rself:

'j'

,6. Step' ~Tlr.t1 Vi,t~io.ll' Di~rec~lQu;.Niil'Y,l; .iJJe

\I.-a'Pi~tl~ . s't.a_ge:sof

a~;~(ls.e ifl'la~es, this mi~i.O:ll dil.;e.otio!'!lin 'front of YOl:D,. teke the r'L~xt step; , ,tep into Il.l'iat mission. S~cp imo j,t righl. $lOW and ~r1j,Qy be~[Igifi
11' y!HJloo'~

Htlw
In)'

,d!:nes

~l:Ml'

rn.i&skllil, re laite'

IW !1Ii'lY res~OIl~lbi.ljties,ill

its 1iJI n:foldi:liIg. ~A"re ltiis glo!fiousITmj,re~1!Uag. i'liilJ~. U"'ilD.g. ~r'l;t,endlillgthO!t ~}'ou'[ie really ~hel1e ]1'1 the' n hness
and fu Ih'les.~ of tha;t
nmm(:liil

in tile

fl!!'~'I,Ite 21 InQygll:Jit

WeJl'e

new.

Elljo)i'it. By jumping imo the future, into the 1.!HVoh:liilntis JQ!I, you. can sense how wonde«~U),\ it ex pre" set>your prrlll@ e and your Inoermo 'r values. Y can keep doing thi . Y ~'Ji! e ereising 0lU' mhmrl in '<I, ~el.ighll'iu~ w<!y,_
Ij

a~'l.ivifi.t:!j. • How doe l[illS mi slon rdate to my family.' COIUcemplat> tho ethen in jnOi.nr t!imily aJild circle of friend . " How does ~h.i!i)!tiis~..in,[I relare t9 me <:I:roJ !t1Uthe n~l1icr acti\·i.£ie I do? Begil'1l:'lood'erill,g', l:h implicarj ns :f ~Ms m:i S5 io[! (¢.Dr you _ •. Her does this missiol] relate to 1tI:l-' own cornmu:llit and
my fulime; hew does i't relste to mj' loO Ul:(; ~ite :1 ;'i:m lii/illg't late, my
COUl1lIj'"

pr~se;m jQ'b? Think about tRO

~oel!p!Jl'Isib1[i'!ie ami

'I metlUlt p:mJ; ~ til,(!u see y Uf t\pc:i:fI difedonw.ithin '!i til' gl:,all!!l vi ion 100f ,'t:I'i;i.rliiDissiolli, TJi'lc feeting yo'!.l g'lill by stei~~iJi,g i.mo thism Il'>sioi), ~s n deep valllLC and reSOI,!:@:!l 'to help' you fullill ~Ili' rnri·ssion.. R-ellm:d
IJ

7. P.e'l'$rs~..Keep cyding ,tt...ough this kind of

tI1 8pecific dir~cti ill foil' our ti1i~~10.1'1 rue 'next )!lea'lrin yeur fur jOUimai so lh~l you 'can keep it. hand::t.

part n: )~o!Jllhtlll objects tn tllis ru:f sioal a [)lirI: to ll ten to, [1e5~e~t. and res(lol]~ t :re:-;pe--cl11Jl!Iy. Whell aft ,~bjCCl'ioll c~me, i:lp. li~t-ell and respmttl J-lIlowYrn,J: e~ w i~h these khtds of obje:Cliolls is, ct:Ilci9JII d [(:If cre-a:tilLlgco. £Il11 nee Ild alignment for YO'Llr mi 51 1'1. eeotiPUI1U ,(,if }'(}urs,e,fJ'1'h{J~ OlJj'fj·CI •. Any C('jm'mj~d

2', _ ce.gfJ-lil1:le 'Wi/til, t.he

]00
ak wi~'h ,my part

N
{;If woWd

.L
'fhe :lOOls:ic rn.e'!Dod of: £e]f-~]igJ!ilmefit otldined he~sking.f,ali and we.lc)()m_]:[I!:"l;in~:e:rl:la] (d]~'~i~j{D1i!LS., IU'id)l'C'speclifl1l1y negotjatinga sOI.1i.:Itimfl! that will be, S:11![1 g,fyil'lg t;o all parts oif yourseillf:-.;i.s one-lhM Cal111be extl"el]i]'e.l.y iUsdul,ElE ]O[(f_g as H- :ui'l mlrrioo OlJilt Wilb sin~rH:y, res:pec:l, antll h:ll]IKIEI~liJy, ~1. .isotl.e[l a p_mcess m"U basli:lo ~]ng~e saeisfaE:lOf)' col'll.:::i~1lion, R<I(~e~., ]f~ GIlle th~l you Cil;[l ilp~oef~]ly eijg~ge in
over Olm:JI lver <I~:1IJi n, e M~lkt: s~n;-e y~]U it;:~i!eale ftl]] <l]i\g:IiWm:e[fJ~. aUpm'f~of !(iiQiUbelf""fitb uf
3iOlii mi;ssilOn1i. 1'heh,lllt1l.JJn.<I~ !(;Oril.se(Jj_ nenee

justas
J.
Co.

YOl1l

YOUI ~;;([ @hject5 t® YOIii r misslen. INego(i:ale with <J,Jl,j'tlne YOi!L eare a~i;lp[1r' fov. The s;~e:pcs'Ilre~

L.]S'ti}lil ~o rhc Qbj.ectnon,

VC~iIiIlelltioi1

ii, Find th(tpOS~li d.

@fym!l,

and deep va~u;eal]

Cro~tte a~tenli!id.ve waysw achi~ve~liI1ll value, Ma~e au IIgreem~tllttl oruu gLI~matii\t,c ID?il W~~[lI:Jsf:or

W.utb llll' d'bj'ecti@1I'I Ukec, "1 a~n1 IHJ~,::Hjre whmmy 5pm~$C will LiJilUlk of U~i~,,. yO!!! t'ilJ,ghl ~sk: ;,'\¥hOlt is t~wpo:~Wve vi!J:l1e yel~ "'!;;Ck by [~J,i1t oontoeh1T'U rthe <l:1iI'liw(~ris, "~ WG,WQ ~ike hts of; her f[!M

p<l['tieipsti.Q,11 in 't~le'Ini~Mifl!1fI.·' ~lmCFII, ~:~~u~(1 you ~e:\idop ;l1~~~!i: b,'l.tcs'fm acl1lievi:l1!g [hat. ~t!c:tl as ho[u~st OOC.1:!8MO.lIS or ,de],1ld~·(! ne~o:I:i~lI~!~8" Thc~ YOl!law:! the' ;p~:rf" we!IJld agree on .<Icm~rge 00 <I"'ti~~r.I fl.1om !llrl'u:mgl!~&e rutem.:ulives, ~. r;.rlde~ti{jtld tiJl! J?re.a.l:itJ '~ifP1J'Ysit'~lfJleaih, 'Rcal]relJif!,ff~ there will be atinsewhen ilii~physk:a1 .00j.~wl~U!be no mOlt,!:":,. BelliAn: that time, you 'C311 'ITbSik;e YCU,lI,r- tU31k,Rcme.r[l.berBrmi~·m~fis~.e..r' FlIUe(Sl"'!]~[Ili~ '-It th~ ec:lge of Lab Mk:hi~a~. [:wca!leth1l!l ~.nIe'l1i:Slt.y of d~~it,el!CI,(lo whm JIG,\! lIre heee m do in t1\J i~.~ife. "~1~ ~W<llie[l~~S of de~th .~[jh.elp y~)UJ live a lifc Hrn~. as il1cfedilblcp"lJ C'[lO!'i~. h
#Ji~•. FisuNl.lt1 R:ea~Q'l~'" or :S.r~f},{)wJ. As: :rou~e l

mission uefo~dl[1g befoFe yen affildb~a:i the pilff.1C][D"ie $ta.lied, i~skY'O~.I'!icl r. "Ht'l'w is it gOQQ,UQ.f¥liil1; <How does it rcp~senIW:'h.o [m", \<\I'~l:I l CIDe <lbm.'l{. and w~ S1l is' ~fjjfli n~fL!~·~·· T~~~qjttes!ti(mii (',3.11 be ycruHI)C<).ehe[·s.;lnd )I1mu gUi~des. 'fhey oan bd~1 YOIiI It) me'lr<lIDinc !lnd ·~olidl:I'Ya.nd .>;trC:[I,gmel!l I!he ~e:i:l~ Gnj¥i:i'ig~ilf[i8mi:sSc~(m. 'fhLfik abQutOl~otheJr qur;stioll.: '~HIlj'w does [lfl:s'Siom~.ft~~yHvi.t:hgl~1~S. .wmjI'<illJif

r: ·

foh,:I~ mi.s~,i(l!1prp'\i'~d~ a !t\'J~' 'ior me to li \Ie the good I.i:~e~" fig While ~Clmpliet~l1Jg lhi.s s~t of questioss, FOUl'U lti'lOW you have;
a]~"llIm~fU . .::.

with

mI~5'-';{UJ.-<Il~~'lil1g '

your tll]~'S~o~n bjf an ii~~reasii.f1g fee]ing f!llJ; ~. ~ ,,"', that says:" '[ es, [n,I& '~'U~SIOJJl lSmM.le.
,

,-

YOUl

also .c;:;re.uiles n 'B[le.rg;:t' that. ~11'l.ak& ot~en a m:r.d he~p you. [n oro~li' (.0 O,1Jl~nll:ilJje ymn¥Qo:[rn.1.lIitmenl ~iO th.emiss,iQ[IJ ~h·lItliYiOU·t 01:1 ,aro.d the .~]Jec,i.mc,m;:tk)n;(rS ItJ'I.mt wi U ~.ell.d~Q'~lt1> Iiln~6kl~]JJg~ ~ay you!I" :iil:1i~s]nn Sll1ltl~mentffii.T"ll E:x:el1('jSJ(\j~: to ;:rm]I'seU; ". My mission ~F1 1 .Ii~t: :refiec(s ?iho ~ ~]1!]. .~ defines how ~ use llitly .iimner abi lihe5. AnlJd~£ l .. gulJides h~w I act .in ~he \v.odd, •• You m~y make IYPot~e;t M~l;en:le[lm to fu].1h,e:r your CQI~1Jm,~,t:memt~).YOll]' missioa. :~n0;1] iglWlll1iTtg ym!lil: H",,1J"<tny inner PiFIJi'1:S() C.reo.1ltea 1:iMli fied comrnif~ n1.ent.~f,l1)I, ~~t the :S~iiH'~e for 1l.C~jOIili"D~:ri~.g Ute U"1ll~s~.ti.o]]'~F1tQ ~Ol:!§ ~1e:W mt:sS'i'.o~], iI, i!l: impmi~~nt ~:(n·get SUpp"Liq [fonil H:ii:1se yD'~ c::we' abom. M.aJi;!es't~re Y9U preserve, yobr rd1fl[€H'lshi~iS W]fD ~hei.m. \iVnm knows,. t-ltlil'ybe sOl~mie'lOfIn,e.m. l;!,fant ~.€1 h.elp Jouw.ith your misston. Be;~f!.!.!:seweg~"eCOI1!le.t"tie~ to. i$Q :many other peiQP~e.. ~ufom,mijtmen~is 'fD.Gt nul y un ifiedlmiirnt~]l we ,can get the .S:[IppO~ nf o:l:1i:ters, (tis- imup<lttamu lei ~U(g~ ,others w~U~Y()1:ll.r ~1I11~S5~(J,n wJ\!:U. asWhen B11!ck_mirlswrFuUer rej,e.cte~lthe b:<lSlG pl'emi~ eareing ~ Iiv i~g lOPm:!U:Sye: his mission, he kltew lh is was not hi s (iflcj:sioffi(. alone, He h:;ild ,iI,\lI:I1f:e,,~d al:1:sJby ~a~gh're[. He !'Ieesded .ms wiv'e's, OOjn:ilnlrr9l!ell!~.o he went back to hi s wife J·t:!d[o~d hef of "'bi s s resol ve to dedka:l:e ~eiJlo serv ing hMl1l111.nllty withour roe,g.ud to
waHt~gl~1

:men[ is bQ;ld. e!]rh~lS]<Isti.o. And Ibis iinlier eon:m'litmenl'[

oif such <"I lI.llni:tlli:e,d o~}rom~~.and ,®f[en ~i~~~S!ge.ous.ly ,e:ffectiv·e i~ct]O[J.

~gn~ w~ith

ymll

wm

or

~.

""L"." . mOi!Ji..m~, III'.,' . .,.2i:I a ~~v]~g>a__

m]

h S·__f

agree" d

s. "eni~'l. !:.ee'p 'o~d ~fig &

rr:ri:r.slon In Ii fe.

thro,;J!gn these gjlit'<f;tiol1ls !.I!'lti.1yflll g~l thal :rreelJing, U comes :fn:H11 ag~.·,oernel:lt 'iAlltib .~U~lIE pru:J;s of YUH ~Ilo WGuM be 'Ji'l'Mted Itvy !irll)' d~allg(;l::±smOlj~j" as a new ur' l~V~~~

Sre ven S:plelberg .got ~mlfily suppon from ~1i5~a:mU:y fOr b i.s m[w]~Jm1king., and be S;()l!l!ghlOU.t heip fn;m:~others, He de\ve~oped such a urJiJlifi.ecl CO~tmielU lei makmg movie~ thal be "C)Qmm[u~d 111®J.d.o~,.nmg)Cous .ff'.cl:s;lnpuIs~~t. of blis mission,
At !i.§e ~j!.velUle(;]JJ h~took aJ~()urof 1.J'ruve~i!l~ StlYdiQ.s,Thew be

102 met Chuck S i~vers, head of the ediitorial,deparlmeDt. Spie&berg S:L)'S. "'b:liS1ie~"ld cf'lZaJling 1ft guards t.otlu-ow mcoff"the lot, he ~alked-wi.lh me for ;a11out au hOl.'lr. ;, , _ ~I,e~ said be'd Uke£Q 5e-e seme ,~fmy Ullde films, ~d(lll~e ga veme a passto ge101:1 lot lih\t ae d day. I snswed I~be him 1'lbowu fbur of m~f 8-mr"l:l fiblll~.He was \reryhnp:n!!ised.,· r:1 t A few ~a:ys after 'trlkingthltIDclllf ,Oir tilt'" 'lSI.lI S tud~Qs, he got h~ dad' , briefc~Sle and simply walked into lKI'il~tudl,o. He didn't esk ]lemlli~'ss]on.He' dttln"[ \,'al1 'OOli,]he~lI',<idu~l;edkQ!H ooUe;geruad 'gg( ,aD wDvitatioo .. He just walked il. He sajid!: Tbert:' was;nothing ''0 it ,(~.hebriefcase) but 11 sandwich and two clu]dyoars. So. every day Una:t I)ummer 1went [Ill, my , nit :~ndhung om ~~l!1i~ dir-ec~oirs and writers and editors and .JMbtrer:s. 1 ft1u;l1Jd. an offioe th:at '\,'Ita.111 being u ed, snd became a squaue:r. m VleRl to <I ~~mera. !l'tom. bougbt some piilS",uit na_m{ltitles [mdpu~ my name • <11>. t. "d'~ S . 1'1. 'l'''C tntne '!:.IUh' lUg di "treCwry:Aeven ·p~e_IJeI1g. ,v..oorn..s •2~
!3 -

103
-!V. 1" . '0 t A, ..·IS mon.. reatmg f or t '.h er
" _. " 1 _' . ~ 'C'". '1'1:' I ,. . _i>.

i -_ I.

'

--

Miche]ru'1ge!Q"the farnou .. Italian Renaissance il1litiH.La good example of someone whose mission left a legac for million.
Mirchelall'llge to \VIJi cOliWllui:sS~Oil!ed by- t.1i:Jeope to Cl'eille [tllep'<ll~rni~g p on the cemn~ '0f tM $lsdne Chapel, (I[jJe ef tbel grelloo stwork ,of an, He was, <.\I.lreadywei] establ i.shed in] his, 'mi:li:s]f)f1ef being a g;re&t antst aII,d someone whowould ]e'!'Irich people's lives ItMOIlJigll an. he S]sti ne Cbape~ w~'lidli s ~I'nside l:tLeVatican ''8 pepal palace in Rome,. lS part of.<1 building thst 11\1,::' oonstru'C1iedlltmdr~ds of ye.ar~, ago. It wi.n Jive un uno the futulle, 1\1id:iJ:e.i.3J'I@eio'liIw Jhimdf p,J:im~arily as <l sculptor, His miS8~!)Il [0 '(;fietl:l.e gf'e-al. ert unfolded early. A!i an e~gh<tl::eri.-ye'lr..oJd. htook tI~e beu.er p!ir~ [)if (j[ year d's$lecting ,mrpses; [0 learn. the' m:u:le'Ji]Y~Iilg structure of the hnmarrform. The tol']owil!l,g po In be wrote Cllpl!iM;fII~

~Jhees

en,(;8

of his ml sion:

Enlisting

S,upport for Your l\4ission

How call 'timt be, lady, w hich all men ream by ~Oll,g e:l;;~e[i~~ice? Shapes th!at seem "lJJI:]v,e:, Wl1·'iJJ!~t in hardl mOll,mt in marble,. will SlLiItjV1 tt~}cirmaker, wllom the ye<l!f~ tn dusJ telil .. mi! Thu 'l . effect cause yie]ds. Art hath. her {urn. Md U"j1l»i1pb O\lefNiati~l.w;~,, 'Who strive I with Sculpture, know this wen' herwonders []V~ in pite of '!imeami deJh tho ..e tyrants stern. gil . long both of !,IS loy color or -by stene, making LIl' semblance .i[lhy faceasd So I
Call

To enU "~suppm1601 yom mlsslon, you m:igtn make lit list of rLi:le ~e1 ~-op~e in }'lolJl.r~.~f.e who Wtm.uJldbe ,g1:ffe;.c'~edby Y0I.I_;r ew !iillllss,iY'IJi. n Make ~n appo]ntmentwi.lb each of thems:pedneaUytg, cl:i,scLlss the hnpli.,c~ition of Yo1.llr· ]s81oi:'b on thelll;a!'ld m OH your rela:tionslii.p" When talking to the intpad.nt people in y~;mlime, ~;k~cr:ibeyou]' mission and the process you went tnmugh to discoIt. Ten this ~~:~9[U how ru:il1P~J!ljan~ )liOiJIt :reJauo'rn;h ipo is 'with himrlier, Co,n",,'ey dlat you WJtilt to' do YO[1If mi ~8:ii0I1 aad you want to preserve til!'!' good parts ~f t~,e :[iil,a,uioIl~hipwi~h them, Ask; them foruppon for your li~e's new direction. ,jm:l, out about allY synergies betWle~1ityeur :lTIissi~~n !that pef~:n s plan snd g~m!:.,. and Now you. have set the stage fO{flC(imL Net only will you get hI enjoy pursuing your 1l1l11' ](111., Y u ge something Ise, 'lh atisfaction of he]pifig: oUl~rs, Tfue:l)e'is, s.o]ncthi~g hnJl\edl]b~.y [ulfimrlg in ereating a :lega>CJ' othef&-b the whi1e you live and afte )lOll are eor gene.

]]]1 'ei{JlleJw ay,

ure ~

mine.:il'I

of the e ~lin'!Ipk s of aeh ieversi fI this c:h<l~J'~e:r ha~e boon J w!lr:Fd-'famolJipeop,J ~ H is 'l1nllortlj;l)i!l!t to l:-eaI.iiZethat you dUfiI.'l hav 'to be world= r1ntlUUS~o live a gl',ea~ml s$,k~n.
MOIil'~

l04
v]~]on of

JHSco'VeJ:lNP

YOUR.

MISSION

10'5

nvrn,g ~

mag!!1~.l"k~!] liJe of serv ice lo oLh~r~~. l A~.d she

j

pk:k-.ed a :richiy detailed r,,tll~ry.laf!eSheppard (it~. O:n:J: Deeember

I~

spec:ufk di~"\;:t[Gn

or "c.mse·" ~orllte~ ef-

B.~I9.:9~. Sht.: w~s, not

f{Drt·~h~rE)O'llllmU

wnr]ciir-fanlO'l),l!S, 11101' 'did she tl1!Vent, any par~d~g!n-1Shi1tl:rl:g te·cb~(]io:gy or build any hl,l:sine~s ©<~g.aI1l~.Ziil~~O[lS. l-\.fllidyet, :s~aelived a mag]~i;ffi.. cent mission, "rh~~ ml sslen Mal)' J ane ShepP!Elm Ii'\fed was as rmpuU~mt as ally

be:r&eJ.f i~O,a.li_gn ~:)~[lIC les ttl ltlvmg ,l':Le:r i ss,Jon were set aside, jnmped overt or, ves;f m

nil)! of irlr~el~ds and fam i~y.. 'she deep.ly exa:mJll:IIJed cOl1Jpktely with her rnis&~.QIli.Wh~teye'. ini~erml~

li.¥ed by those

..!HQI;e foiITh.O~S<--!I'a:ij;s~l1Ig fLhelil]lhy

~Iav:i[It

f:alnilv. As wUeof husband. HaJ;ry Sj~:H::;PPMd ~Jl~ 'fIJ]o:[I:ierw Illliidr f'~lU ch:i~d:;e"rli:fl Sa.n M~]teo, Cl.1iillfo!t"l~iSl,she was (IJie UgM of love ~o U:teir

:g!'lYwin~ family m:1~d ni~[Ids. . . . . Y d MlaO Jane'!; fm'IDl;Uy Was nnt li.militedto [heh' .im.m.edllate. c~~ dre~, a:mld.· grandc]li I,d:re[l. She m~dle: it ?I.hailJ]t. to "'arn{]]U" llll;fC'l]:llfdren 's fri.elllds, and ·~tln;;'F.s he! 1C'I~COi[IIlter,ed. She ,'ad:i"l't!i>d ]oving s i~~~~ngs. Mer waJ:'HdhOfrld ]]'JJtef'e-'-st othet~atu~n:ld f[]e~lk like ~ tIll ~~f1et, Wlliie her fuu~fu~[!Jd ai:ry r'e'6~rI'~dto her :SiS a ~.i!lint,her SO!nI H Ch~di'fl desc:n.bes~w,' O'I:S, a.;grea,t: me:nh:lll' for ]~eJ.ph'!ghul!"l f[Ju~,eom.passiml in ]]is U~~, '. . ~n Ute l';:itd'len 'lherslHl ope.llly t:If]Sphl~' a series of 'C:0!1Is h,rl$llgmg along (lime wall, OnU~e ,Qoff.ds are: 11:~:nd.]"e~s();f p@w;tedfl,l~t~~!ms. &!!ch pin Ustsa person who swyed t:he~ic;gi1t there, .IilI?I]J~ :'\!]~[.h tI]~ date. M.JrJ J_)~Hle!'s e~t~m:led.fHLilly beG~t'"Ei.e a eommumty ot peop~e SBe bJi01i1gJ]lt~Gge:th.e~. JiIJ.Th CO]\jJ~.ow,a :me,nbt:r of Mary Jane's loo.n[~:!'lityj Wr,Gte a peem abour her. It's caned "Th~ M~kle~, • 'A &e.ot:jIQ'n o:f M describes
~"IDer \!lis.>W~)':

of <111.converneg to reSQUI"ces. -She developed ~'lu]]fiedf cOI1J.1.m.i[llleJiil, both withi Ill. hell'Sel:rr and wi lh others: d~.ln guided ~1E:[ e¥e:I'1 d~y. A.nd her .iega.cy" ~rnlllite form 9f&]eT vl!]la.w~ ~f Ifie~d ~af!d f·~!;lJ],~~.~y, unff:l[rned be:EG~e~~r. ] As cancer ,ended her life ~[ ag~. ~ixt}f~eigil[.through ~JI of the paiu, her love f©i.l"8l.hers s1l.~:ITI.e~:llrougb au@, g:l"goed ~1:11 [W~,m~~ ot· who hOJ]:o;red, bet presence in '~h.eilr lives, I~ the final n1I:dm~!1t.5 of her Iile, shetold i]~:1 ,S;!}:IilJ Cln:ar[te, . 'I've dafieevery~hl[ljg 1 ~aIlU: herete de." T1]]s is pef~a~:s[be ultimate re-wftfd for d]sc.Dv~rl[lg
YOIlf i:ilt[S8101l.

Clld$~~.. e

How do we IUHYW 'l;~iHeIlLwe are ]iv~EiJgO1llirmis:8lQru 1m life? No Olfe: €If U8 can (,ell us. lit i::i ~om~thiil,1l:eaeh ,one QF us ,e:~~DIl]Y

diseever and tHaw :fiCll'ourselves ..

IJeviewing Whal
Wn~:e yoor

YOU'!

ve Learned
going onto' Hl:e ~~Nt

pert(lIl~] mission d.O<W!C1. befere

A Maker is ihe gfleaJ!:estp[''SoroeroFs Qr'Sa.lnt's

U€e IGfk)iv.e magic ~!]d (;[II.Il[lec~i:OI1i M~ki ng baked bread and gan:lelThs Mmti.f!g ~hi:i~drle:1:I [td ehildren's ehildren a We!!!:ving ~ffiie M.1IP~Stry of.c:mflllp[lfiSion bi!.:Ol'if!.! . sitae fol.I!I]wed. ~]1 the ~l[~p5, of the .nnisskm.! discove$y pN),cess. She: kn.e:w her pl"ima:rYlfilS:8~.orIS~~Jl]1!l1tec;tU];lig erl]joUon~l]ywil'hp~QpJe. She discovered her d.eep v3'h,U:&---lo:ve,.1md. "()mJ!ass,[[!i~" She mCFg~d the-Sie passions aad "II',t.I:w~'s lmo a gr.u:id Ea:dyin

(.;h~pfef. '¥,oli1may ch.ll:u:lg:ei[ .til ~1T,!rytime, <IRe! )IOU proba1M,y"\I.I.m. It ~s ilJl1Lpm~~lt 11'0g~lnl:m<1lcize lile result~ ,of usi.[iill liDIL'! prccessinjbis chO'Lptte:r:'So lha:l you can make f~]] UM:~ oW tne ]];~t c:1:a"lpte:r. Be lS:U (,e~o include: reret:e!l'Ice ro you]"' ~Iife' p~ssiotls at:td ifH:e:Ke:stg ,. your deepest S" v <~.tLl:esa:r1d p;rin.c~ple$;,m£r<J]lIJ.d '\f~S]tll1f1[n:td ~I !;pet~~~.e'dh~~li(Jnl !l;clliprn _ Most i::JII]pplt,a:nl. m.1!.ke l({i.tiimo 't'he es~e,rlti<1.J~a.r[ldox. (Df
a :m;U:sslO:I1.: somet'fu,]:mJJg y(mClIII never

finish, but th.dyolJ

eun ]:!i ~

do

e¥e:l'y d:ay_

It

S:lI~~m<tl:y :r o

the :s[e[JS you need Ito reach your missien

• F.~ndiog YOllr Life' $ Passion ~ P;«~!l!mi!liflg YOllr De~I~eS[V>ah!:r~~am:dP~;in~ipl,es

~. OeverQJ~ ing
.1l! Orand

V~s'lQf!

~. f~ndi ng

:;!

Spec itJJcDi ~CtiO~l

N
'I'

L
"'(.emf

A~l,gfimJl"tfU1Self with

Mi,ss;ll.l'l:Ji

Getting .SupporlfWI;Jf.I Others

, 'ow it is dlu.e [1,) ,.CIt: pecifie go~.t to acbi~ve ymn mt ion and r,e,cvaiJ:~.!u!lt,e eurrem goals in ta:~at]onto lL Do YOI] w.m~ 'ID() be. the your bricklayer wlm is just M~]d:h]rga wall, who i jill t ]ayi:ng down .'1 brick aml~PliJittin~ some C ment o[ji',. Or do you wanl~U' be; buitldillg a ll'l.Qnum~lIfIl to what hum filly can achieve? G" ~. 'withOl!'L mi. s]on lack pas:lii:Ofi and deep meani ng, Hm~eRr. g(ia~ im.id.e a III i$' .ion [U1'1I1 v[$']oa;u}:1rY dJ.Jeallls. to re~~~ty.me:rgizing ~ve'lJlhing yo~ dOl with

Achieving Your Goals

m anln 0". emhusiesm, and fun.

Whl1le)l!er )fQ.M 1:'01'1 do aW' 61r€cm }"'tP~ call, . :gi'l J~. B'o'iilrJ"t!,s~; ~hf~':Jig, lJ:l~d.'i, JJ(J11in'. (HJ'lJ mllgi€' in it.

Two Approaches to Achieving OOa]S

heruarc. roaUy two d~ffer:ent ways to set and achieve goals, The lmdIUona] ~PfQach toa~hi..e\1em-ent e.mp~1_s.i~e. outet-to-ienes method' of geal sening. The :Jiil1le.s:sag>e "If Y'CiUachiie.ve- .:r great is: U],].];)Jg 01Jllt in Ule' "Vl~rld.~hen JClU will be <I. successful per$O~. !'IDd~ fe~: ' good." OO:i3J]sset t{lkiFl~ this appwac.h are often nor connected wi~:h 'lov:batyou reall '! lenjoy doi!1.g e very day. And if 'Ih~y 1U,e!'lO'tliktll. they 1Ife better Iteft undone, for (hey ;rr-e not Hkely ro l,(;l,fldto grea'E ach:ieve~ meEit. Le~.s examine the- four nD;lIjul.' pi.tfaUs €If (1':1]trndifion:a] ,appreach ,~(], o,al a:(:hm'lleme~l_ g

People setJl'in,giiO:ltttti. sion type ,©f go'al!l OifleTI pick some $.(JJIt af v.acation]i.lk:eexisten e: "I WOOl torerire wi:diIil.'l, five yearsand live 'OD ~nmHboait!'[ want to r,el., b tll.cl,e aad sl t!1l'''every da ..' until lake
noon," These: ki nds ofg!~Iti.~ ,Otll.~y:poill'[ to the ·p;;!J~~~fllJ. i"[jCOa:llgw.~u d-aym [a-day Bfe the peJti;()[j FIt.eI.1li aeed '~o le'Scape. U pain creates, a quest a f'or nonacaio», recognize that orne est and :relax<lli.on win help QUi!" aetu I missien cQnH:into focus, Wt':t-n the pain is bealed.!Ill que t of a miio" acru~Uy ]e:liJdsus [0 challenges, Coach lIdhn Wooden

p
We earn a ]jv]figb;y[t!e mcmey we Miil:kie, b'li,'!;( wf1:mak:ei:llll~e by the s~ndc~ we; 'p'J::ovide, POI mnnsyro ser¥le'yol~r mM;slon" a {ief"il1!.lti(ij:Jmj of Hmm::y is needed ,H~le 's agood One: "M'ooey is scuraetM~.!l! ~ W ehoose to tm.~;e our life- ,e<llergy fur."~ mec~u,se we 111ade ]:l.f(:,elITL~ cur ,eirgyMr money. ]I~i5 an im.polrhtntllilld neee ssm:')' laslflet'~ M)~D:ne:' of s miss:km::. Mon:teyig J[O ~ fiji s;s.i!~j'U:I w~~l J'IillriS (Q ycur b(]dy~ i[ Is not [:lJTII end in.il1jJeU h[lt'n :nJJe'lCeS1',l!ii1ry m.e'IIl.Slli@1 a.dlilt::vt:SI®memi.ng ]mpOIi[<iJ!f[I. fi'gUf.i ng 0I.l:[ bow :[0 make as. n:fuch.money as PG8s~bl.'e is ]ike s]~tin~ 'U"Ol.lHd h}'rJe]"vel1ti.l<l!(~[Ig-F~u .~~prolbahly get~ d~zz..¥~hd yOiU[p'e['C!l.':~~ lk~lli$ oJrea~ ~tywiU :ge~C~Oi[ldy te;s:pedaJ~y it }'Q~:su,t;cee(:l, The ot~~~'trroib]emw.ith l[e.fr~ng' IIilO[ii:~i' .IS an end in ils!f;;]f s l doing ~o.!I1i,dh:ing }~OI1 ote.[!·lul!(]II/,e" 'B~;sides Ute dai Iy ~[l.ckof C(~Il,gffl~ e'lll;ce. wfuUu1if/lhenh 1'JI,1I]iL~iO'l~ gO<l],fs, ~fit;en [neullimll<rb:: lillJnanrial ~~ \'~a:ds 'o~n]e n\liucfu]O]~e~~ thal1peo'ple wcMld lik:e UJ think. rhi~ isnet lei smgge5t~ th,Elt m'iHl:k:i.ng.~otsof UJlUIii!ey in pllJ1rsui.t 0:[ yOlll!" ~~~ss~on is b1ld. M<I!J]iyO'lc~ievel'iS of g:l1ell:1\[I¢S$ use;~ine p;trl of their Uv,e,<; lQlgetii.e~are ,nOl1iey and <lllot;fue;rp1Jrt U:D~~c!~p cause . ;Il Ewi~lg Ka~tt~an wasa great exam:p~e of .1 pe:.riSm:1l.¥>'~(;ml i[;[j~l ~[id k a:[ mission .. As,ootilm:le:r of Mmio!l]. Merrell Dtlw, ~ep!h'Ii{m,<lJ::iell!tic;:~1 CO!1]P,)]lj¥. !l!Elacc:unllJJl.~<JIrr.ecll:l¥er tl.~rnU.i(jil:1" doU<tf3' ~ID~Jt.lioi'mJ we-all:!]. H~ use4 nei!!t~)Iall' [ilf. this rliwmley h~ fum.1,'a fG~nd:a:(~on, l[cOhell1 ~l:!rlJm'\l;esOGierY'.a:mtd 'lo gi.\i'e ~fue JI<:.1I.11LSM Ci:I'yarea !t[jeKI[t;v:IJSltll Ci;~y [t;(]ya!~s profess~OI~a] b<)seball team, 'flu'1[!![Ilgh h~SOO'!lllr:1!11.ny and his ~[),~]NldZllJtioliil." Ewit]i].g .~lll1ilffltlru:l. n.:I]~' i1]edhis m~sstCln of hR''\i'.ing fum 1i;Iy.he~.pi:ngot·!m;eJiS, Fote:lt~ump:~e. The IBw]!Ilg Ma;!"io[!1l1 Kalllnma:nfound:a,liaon f~l1ds 'co]legg:: ed.lIca~i(1lns .~OI hundro~s, lOf y®u~g p~Q!~]e~,~fhe Kansas City area, He ::i<lid:"YOO~I c:re\f!~ca nfe by wh!!.l ,you give. .~ ha,ving fun s~ntiing my ~1[Jint:y TIl to 1111':]]) :ptJop]e mow, wlti ~e I']!I a~iv!e;.".J 1J.~,n,k:i~g <l!lo[ or mpneyw:a£ never his prilllg.ry goal. He wa~led wimpIClive society .1I,l1d hfu1!. teg<ilcy ~ on ]ID '~:heform of itl~c;l l.a:rgeN~a~dve: tku,Inda.ti'@![I in t!:aie U. S, ives

~']ic:k gJO!rusfor d'lernJS@hi£s tl;i$tt, are canned ,gQbtg W ~iiJ.I"o\ve a house wu~fu [elITl thou,sa[ld ~~l11,f1re feet th1i:l wiUtle !mycfl:s![~e <I blxllry~'h~;r;C.edeg, OU1:d. a ;~ai]bo!1)i" These t:[u]]]gs~~ be very eBjoy;<iIb~.e.You IlH.giht W3Jlt t(! . examine wh.o.se 91esjrus' tbe,yare bef6l1e you iiJedi.Cflte years 01[ YOijir Lile lo lld@~e:vijng them, After all, y,our housekeeper1l[l;ds.ili]n)o!~u <eapt<l]]iJ1 wHI ,enjoy y'U~rlh:b~gs e~e"llill if yOll1,.1 ~.mlJ' t .. RecaU A_n;:hie ]31llJl:'hi«:ry,~Uhlg~ItEd]~1'l tQgel h uu iSi. ~eJJ' w!:ieJil he 5fLW'1I beer ad e111 TV ,Jllis was, <'!iii] iJIlt~onl<l[ic k.[Let;-jerk lie'spol]se ~i() ~']le <I.d,!~$all~ U[lCQt]n~~ed W fufusrea~. gmll s ~1"iI ~]f~ Likewise; '~]ese .. d;-}{smOillliY of ~.Ill,[.gp~I .image:s come from ~(:Iv,enisw,g 'A~t~J:do,j!:g . .&1;) ~lei]]]JJe;r- ~ea:rcfu]]JJg. do YOiIl,.lIli'ld I[]ltli[ y®,m .i m~lges of1ihe good I ue ,GO me lroma 'cl~s "~y'S;wm thalt ~:lJJo~~.mge1>'~k~(il;p]]1j~"IJ~ wi[htllc; iQn~se~?" U so, yOl! m1~glu enjoy !.:)xpknr:ing: {he' na:u.!~ ,~fa~vei:tb,;l!tllg in tine Aniertc:,~ cl ass 8Yll,~e:!l1. Twogooo bGD.k:S on I~ 'are F'<IIU fU~$~ sel p!\ Cl.ll~iS. a,l1d D<lt1lielBou,rsti~]"s Tl~ft b'nage. you realize tl!ITt~~ m!lld.ia-i.!lduced consumpUoil:1, li!'~]uesare llS.1:il~ aJUy !~nttcnsfuaJJQwe;r t~an the, ~.eeper v~ij1!):e~ a'~S]lPPfltil ymj][f nnsl~l . sion, ),'O'l:i C3:Jlavoid Ltlit phf:1,I.11. @if s:edudiIOlil! by 8wJttll~-bifbSe>d
T

MaoypeQple,inidwly

d"&tU:il"€(M:iiS!ck~:tJl~ imll.~s;

• 'rll1i

j.

- _.Lf

.adverlltiS1Ilg,

·"ijrn ,(;1[[1 just :Ii~'i.!'eup ew:Gugl'lmnney d.oiU'!!gthis Jo~~.en't tii!:Je. d rtl!~n rUbe 1):ij]ero d(}~:hJal, I recalty ~~ve.·~ Peopl!!1 ~'" f).1,US ue l~o meney as an end in ~[se~fusually 1ack <I misf1!ioli1ISlmppOrl~d by ~~e~ valaes People-mffile r<lS[ moments of] ~,feerardy lam,e]1Ul .m)I~,~nakull1~ Jenoug~iI1 momey. The:y ;!!~ie usua lly oflIlce:me;d ~h{)1.II1 eeper valaes d

than f:l'lOIley ,pocwer" ~'ta.hl11>,. fam.e. Of

Let' 8 supposea salesperson sets agoal to rn.1ake: a 'cJel0(0Ji [I sales qru:m:a b.y a certain time.'\tylu~:[ sneans '[0 achieve this goal win t~'e

L
salesperson use. if tbi goa! become that per, on' wbol,e [ni.si(lij] di cdlIl'lecled fr mhis Oie her d 'pe. l values be or be mot}' tee) the. ~eedH)' use p:re ure.iacucs rather Hum honesty .md ime,grity when de;a)il'lgloviU" Oil "US(On1er. That salesper On rnigln be plrOt:lmptedi to malklef<.llse or doubtful . hltCl1lients, ,SiJboll:1t or her praduct If they his axe not uue, thel'lie-Spf!f. 011 has f~111eH~Rtofhe means- versus-end s

In
Each :rolle you p)atYllmvi.de, an identityror expre 'i:ng your interests a dpa ions, 'Vi:l,; OS, v:alues,. and prmetples. In this, way. ro.i'Ss,iOiElr~ onenled goals are Ule' rretlii':e e Qif the tl'aditi()~H11 curer-to-inner i1Pprmlch-t]}e. emerge from whMn_ The morS!dlfficultthlng to d,o for greaJJta:chiev,e:lls is anything bw
wbat l~llit;y lo e. Wodd-elM rmrsher Su ~n llu'~Jn;erdescribes it ~:Jnr~~ Wialy: .. m 'Wi:lin,~~d ~l1o\le~i) . p~a.c~w11et""e' cOi~lidlj'li'e in the w i~_ [0 a I [iem.ess ~1J.d wOlfk wi! h .3:11;J]1ll1n[s.And so if Si jU~:l a. matter of. iof jM)illil W:t!illl to ~h:l'(J~'inelh,illg. jf():l.Jj GOoil,":;
1

pirfall, While t}1te~e kind oftactles J~<lili'lJ heipmaJke -sales qLm:lt:ts, in the holt run, me r,ep,lua.tiou of both r!h~ salesiX" SOil and tbie' CloIllpany will suffer. Mo~t of all, whholH. klhlwing H:in~tia]]y the s,,1e5person WmSUne'L Wbe:n sorneone '~els ~<1 goal that is not cO'lltari]'l~d
\\'ilh~n t.he w:i'lolJtm.e $ !<I'. a miiloSllJl'I. pw.'s,lriilg 6ucb ~ j)'oal by aJJIY: means C~ti1 crnflte pnJhllemls of ~e]f~deoe:pt;iotLThe S'<'ll1~5pe on will cSepar.a~e fro-li1etMd fart11:e:l fror,n. whSJt is, impnrtam, as be l'tfeh. \i'ruw:es m'e dien ied ~nd di S!C<J/[1kd.•·Ou" ,G ll,padty~or self -decaption knows no bounds.':" S.liYS Thoma J. S:1w,a;g.e; ·80.,1. preS]i:f~Il!t of Roc~hun;t. GrnHftgelin Kansa Ci'ty, In CQIir~r,~t !;l;'itli '(('!.flit, 'willen we acl~, wtth ihe t;t'!:Iic tldi ned by OUI' deepest va.lull,e• our go.al:s fi,l w]~J}in <1. wGU-llhnl1gln-,olU. i:n:i!llsiofi, and we ,aUra 't success, wellbe~~~. and others,

A Mission. Creates Meaningful Action

achievements tkm~lgh a ]abor rOf love can 'be nlQc)e] 601" us. We can learn, 'l'UO, if wa Crt.lUlal£ ~bcn; who know how, Re.ca,lI. from Chapler TIne', Sr[e..en Spie]bl;r~f. rnis,_'ol1 ,to become a Hi1oviemaker. In his sJ} el Ie ro]e ,::I a movie director he had rlu :i.rnpwve hi' skms, ",t dir,~cHng tlu(lugb collaborating with Nlj~~o!rS. f you'U ,[lememOOil. when hewa 1Ut seventeen years (lrld. I

Gre~]t ;,I:chie,;,'trs". peJo:pt whose l'iv,~s,arcmark,ed by sigl1.ificanl.

h simply 'Walked. ~HtoUn~V1rsal Swdios ami,wjtho!.ltaskiEj~,oc-

Mission-Oriented Goals Are Worth Achieving

~Q \ly,rhaJ goalsare re01!U \ oli.h a/chiev~il\g:'1 Tho" goat lhaJt ate what we rCan 11t1:ssiQI'I='Cw£elit(~d goa.! , if you have completed 'uhe pre Ions c:ll~ple'r' ex~rcises,~ yom: miss,i_ol'iand tll1~ dlrection that represent!; it ' aCnieVie'l'nent 1h:i1.v~ emerged frem :¥(lur d;e~pest values Furthesmere, let 1> a ume ·au how> <!;V'oidsd Ube [ooUr pit'mHs of tradiUo!lil:lgoai. sefiling-tn.1 you .UOI\V the meaningful. fun" 1'!!11.d pOlS .ioname Qlrectioi'l your .Iife is taking ,yo'£iI:1' misslo~i., b' s. t ime to fOClt, 011 meaningful adiorugoah ,acn1!aUy worthachi;e\ri]'lig., Great misston are ~I ways U1¥'ed byac.hue'i/~lflg pecili C D"oals... 1I\.ti, sien-oriented g@'illlisare at,tained. 'by ac tiens )'OUUJ.k~ ill. [41e varieu roles YQI;I.r ~ssicm define' . \Vb:fl~, (r~ do to full§U the m! ~ m y sion emerges frol]~ iIJJsi~k <L!:Id shows lip ]'ta'!IJl<t1]in J{rour mi:ssioll.'!.

.cupiJe:d an

re<lIi.pty

rtJOO'lliud

put his nsm

{I:II

[he door- He Sljil1ed

movies and ,golthcir ~l1p'Ult help him, to impmve h.i~ dir,ecting skill , Now that's bo~d action for gOOl:1 achievement! f:l:,et:,i:'I!w],~e' had dj~eov~lic.d his mis ion, this botdl'lts,~,..ill-a~hon he pursuit of h:il:l specU,fic goa~ emerged 11'8in.lraUy from his, already'~~1,d)li£hed mental .idelfl.tilly as a moviemaker, And t!l'1e' urs'lJl;i,t of p
these s;pec~.!1aDa&S, backed b)f the deep. WllOlioml.i, mis~i.cln~bilsed g t.x.Hn~~~ilitnlel~,t ,1,'IDJ<'Ike gre<'1.l I,I'Ii~wi S. r"!JL tained b L efforts 'through 'W li:rne. MIen ,dedd'in,g Of] a goal, ~i:li' eSs,entf,a'! to make ure Ulat the goal YO'1iJ chieve ,is worth achievM.g. ~!,1eeds tobe I) i.tdsh)fl-ha~ed a [ goal,~'LbaJt ~Sj it'. a necess.a.ry acrion in a role defined by your mission, What does a mi sion-based goaT f'e ,I Uke, Here i an exercise to h~J:vbring out thar :feding.

howrn!g ~dj~iJjt'W 8-m

H2
EXERnSE

p
f AVOiU'iI'E
~"hy did 1 d.o' ti)i s .aJ,::l1.Q!l toachi .... ~h~ ~ ~nd r'B~uU-[lre How d~!;}s lhls,go.ru. Ilit tllW my .1 fLl'gCJ: mis:;i911~' l5IolIi!J does pll!riS.~rng tbisgpa>! jeet"!

113
go~:~

113:l]1r[UZING'ltOlHt iJJIl[,Rot"rnQ):N~-

1', 1:11£lIk of 0. Plero Qr Ii~'''if}~ne. ehioQse·OI m:l:n or W!ln:~iaun ",41Om yenl. gJieOlilly adrni:re. Pick SQ1TI~onr: \~'hCl e)lcj[es ad inspires ytlU whe]~ y6tl:re-'C<lU that per~g;n'-:i; acoomp! i~i:lrflenb" So:rne dU~l)se.. iii g.t~~tpoe:rnQJlI 'Irwin tli~~'QJy:m';:eWhwWll Ctlil;m.::hm, G<!Ll1d~i.,M<ITtID . .l.nthe[ ~V!"l!~l;" ~.usa:n e,. A[lthl}~. Cillf Ekllno.r RGQ$cvelt. Otliiers clI(m~J::;gj;eat MI:~i'g;Oll:S ~ea.d~[:.1iIQeJesIlS. Mo~~. er Moililammed. ¥(JUm ~ghill,¥ ..nt W c'l]tI(J,w somenae ~01J :k.:ul.Q1ll.! pe;rsu:ml1l),',~llCh 011;·

5. iJe.r,OII.l,(_! .l~@:!'u'seif.Agaitll. RefleC'~oM, w.ha~

yO:Ul'

bero/hetoi.lIl>e b.mgN' Qul ill1 you

resousces becQ:mi:fI,g for :!i:ehi,~vimlg ym.u goals

wi'tithil l'()!.iJf mi£~i~!:i. T~~ m1i1iUl. lesson of this exe .•else is to bri ng out Whfil yom ,m.isi5.i.oIlr-ba'5.edi ~oals 'W iU fee I 1ike when }Io~are p1Ula.!IIIgrnem.

afru.M:i]ymember,
fidiot!

p!)l;yori;:er.; ~Jolf .fr.ie:lld. YOUI

can e~'t:~ chb'C1~[roill]

$()elillg·$ or itlspirntimi' ,glJu~ey1[)u.

or ]ei!:(,;'U1d-Rob.1nl,-k'lol,x!.

o~ WOM.der WOtll!.aJil. LCM. rQIi.!~·

J... a ;P~:r#et~iaF ,G,@ai. ChoO$~ ~ 1fOI0l1tM[ '),ee

)rrllill.i ~leMi !ld.l~ev,~d [nmllgh ~ivh~Jil ~biir 1T:i.is:sio.lJl, It might be Anu:lr,elill Cam.f;gie 'Cf€;a:l~ ing a:U! i:nQJJ.:! and '~~.ew,cm:lowing dtep~l:llic .1ElbfF1ri~ Q~! rner· stry A uca. It Illjg:1M be Gandlili g;hfirlJ~·tJ! &:pe~tl. or pmti~ilp!l.lil't& ivu a ~H1J~;e~'L mu£hl he Eleano;r B\oo,sev~]t. »l.ego!tiaijllg il:l a nle6Jtl~rtgto It SCGI!l[-e~~lecrJ:sMl:ge ~.f dm UnL\I\er,sal DeJ:I:am.tLon. (If H1!I!m<itliR~ ~l:ltS. p hmi,ght 'be MMi~ M{]~ue:ss®ri rQ.Y~I.lg fu]:l fllleG;lt1on W I). chIld. ,Ut I[l]ghit 00 llli!,iU (J:aJI~S., ,crem:li'~g MSIDOS .Whm.eyc,1f yeu ~.~. see a specufic set of aetiens lh,ffl re]ln"1flf;~'!1~S, tlm.elj!,i'U[lg oftltlOlJ pe1;s{m' s ini.ss.~(m~ .goai . Make a shorr IhirtY"li1ec:tlfi[l IlIliOvie at lhat 1l/[).f1I, See 1;heitlllllge close up In fu.H, vib .. uU eelers .<lnd .mn thl.: movie illl :lo'ijUr mimid. 1JIlJrikei~; lliilcaililllgl'W11 iillnd .inspiring. Th.'eI'l,flui"I H back· Q'QI tnebe,gi'lfI:lli[lg :i:!nd pm .it ~,~ pause,

M:,JJmy ~rea:1 ad'],te~.J:'5;rej)jd p]e~i(Y 'ru'b.io,gmph]~s of their :fll.vodte achie'l,lefS, EW~Rg KauUmJaJl !rgJjdread the: b'logr.ilphk~$'of all tile U.S, presfcl,el'l~8,a:-rid filajorin'dlil!s~riali8LS,by th(.l[im:~he wa:.~ twe.~v,~,~i!lrsold. He "vent (tl'l~iC! rive ~fa~jaSltC lije mr~Ss]a!1
<'lll.I:e$m~t[Jj." [ii.trepiWllil(i;:llli. phMtll::l:acculic~l exerull.ve,. c{~mr!l!!!)i~ e nit)! actlrY~s[, baseball team owne,r. son, fat:h~r. husband. and phiran:~hl1QP~s~, ¥'Oi~~,. '~oO",carl do lite.,prreviDus exerelse wl:wi.ile readil1lg hiagrap.~;ue!l. llsl,rn;!): -lit! rQlI~i.ndy ~.~m, ~dp ym~lllJdtlig om yg~W inner rnSQUiI10eS' [ClI~ effec:t~'\[d.JI f[]l'iI.(J~:i.CJI[Jing you/' tife roles: in From ~.he:outsides it wO'I).dd ~oolt like y,ouwer-e shlJlpi.y ref,tdinlg about o;;lfiG! po~tderi[lgi'r, Fmlll)fU~iei nSiuo:e. thi~, power~\d [eC'bn,i(,llll~ ~mflkes,<I brig Ili~j)eremce in !low you feel about YQl;lr Oil;\l:l1l :l'"oles. lf y.ou do thu:'i! cOI:l:si:s~e;lI'lti)',lit I w1111 reenel.'g~7JeYO'L:U: cap!tllb~t ities to aibniev"e ~i'e'Hlles-s .~e~;p.ing you <Lt:~]eve YOij.f miss i(JIn-Of]e!Hed go:a1::;. as
<L

J. St:eD'h~tQ ti,l~ ~:Q.~e,.Bee-gmt that liermherm-nl1lof! in tbispru"ticlJJlar 'J:g~,~ tbls 010'" it, .BeC(;ILU.e aware lof your vnlues,purpo~~~. pr.io." i:U!I 'C'ip:le:s. a IIW yOUl" mission ~s thi s ]nQrulh'e[(lil'~~. Re~ea,"id 1I1L"aluse r
b~n"()lfI(~[ YOIlUnl.n~t<ll VClt!lntl run t!h~~!tirvie. with you. p!lICI'i.ilg th(Cm.~c of the h~['GlJ hemtlll:. CCi!unl[)l~U':M~ scene fmm tih~ inside. l Ge,l i[liJijut~ w~thitl'a.e~ee.HIi"I!)J:s YOI!!Ihave whikplJ'LSU ul"Ig d'nis sel t1W

aetioas,

-- .W hy Roles Ar-c lluponant

',",' :,_:-, .-;,. ,',I -~-, .-:-:,

(r-I

,.,

4. '~l~:e,!l:{:;'(~~ Fo:uir.51clf. Slaying q!.!e.s~imls,:

in, this rok.

as.k )'tl'!JJrsdr [h~slt

We 've been 'C<llking a 101]1~li.hoLit I:O~e.s ,\'I\fhy are 't:he;-yimpoil'"~ ant? The mere y~JU learn about bow to create your own [!ole::.,Iltl~ mere )'Q11 canlive tli:te] ife )'iOI.ll choose. RQile identilies, ,rre ,.I kljY aspect of Our b~lie r ~y£'l~me. Thi~y are struCl'IIlIJiOO in hli~cSof different way~. With

H4

1.15

every new fl_li~~'ioffil ~I1l Ufe. you Ita:k:e ,on ne rqle ~.d.enth[es., Your misian deleTmil1e::!! y,' ur r' ,~e;" and !V0ur r ]e. detenniifii> "f ur
go~] L~f8 ,ocm'ider £Qmeuf ~l1erole in your C'Q:mpl~ Ei~e.. bili this chapter, we've organized [~feroles into fO!.l.qn-im[u'y 'types: i[ld;vid-

ual roles, worA roles. personal ami fillnily roles, and citizen roles. While .some of '~he e roksJ)ve]"l<l.p and there are many Other. ay's to
categorize tli:tem,l,\Iihat'impOItIl'llt " thal you determin . lab~l'Io]·e·

that. maner the most for

Y'GUI,' ~~Ji.5!ii~i1i[i.

Your .i:llildividuw rok." create the found.~ti.on[oir all of you ,other roles. Ihe:reflye roali1LY~rndiv:idu,(.!.I. oles 6 Here i~a P11Jiiliili list wit!b a r fe1,¥elas Ie li.eaJi .Iif, ex emple ..: Classic ex.ampi
ARTI~T
ATI'! U[f':

For ex. mple, !'! person may ~.ad a [ L IHowe·'cr. if thar person does, riot h~we an idenl'i.ty <IS a wr]~:er.he or she isrtot 'likely m l~e;,r1'tl how to 'Wri~e. by reading. A pt::r n who hOIll,gly bell ~ es -:1am ,", wrizer" rea.ds; ~In a: ve!!y differel:ililway from someone ho dees ~O~ h:are Utiilt i;d!entHy. A per Oil with a writer mi. ' id~l'Itity notices diffe;r~nt things than ~ nonwriter, A writer reads not on~,y ro aet the· information, ,OJ writer reads 'to, le<IB how tiC refine Ute .\ikJJls,gfh~1,\ or

CR:EA]lg:j!:

ii:li~COVEJ!r:R. '

FOr.
FRIEND fill

ro

SLF

lIElRoJn' ROINiE TIER

~ [£,1\1)

her

'O'WIT

W1II'.i.trng,

t, ,,\~.N!Ulo

PiCIIS:!Q, Mi.chehmgclo Midl3ieIJol.'d!<llll, Ma.t1hta _ilt'I,Ic):'<ltiio'WI Thomas Jeilem:..,olll, Amory LoVi~ icul:Ht~ Cope):ok:Il!$.;If;IIill:: Newton Steve Nliartill,KiIlg Lear's' fOt!l HugJa Pratiher Mat1il:l~Luther K:ing, "S\lli!ifi D,_ Alhlh.oJilY Tom Bmwlll, Jr. MaJtal:JJl.;ll ~fidbl. Witll,o]l ChUrre;Iil.i:I~, G Aibcfl Ei'll lei:1l
>

If a man's rnisslon ~s to 0; the best auto lIre I:i!iili~.~ C!l:1IW be he while expressing lU1i. tlY in his Cl1lfl,,!I,nd Rove and k.indlless; IDO Ianrily ,I;ri!en.ds. and hi cus~mnen.., hi~ mission will require muUipile . r,oles,.hil this, • "I;: tile roles might bellc' urnant, lIJ'ui t; brother ,c,ompu.~er ~rQ~rnm~il.f~T father, ln~sinl'llld. :~lmve!il]giiW'r., p'f,ghl ern . olver, serviee pmvlder son. uncle, and ~.o!"kei .. Bach role h·s its. O\;~[!'1 of specificgoaJ:s. And, Itne w~)' Y01,l, tblilldJ;, about each rote set

Mll,GlaA'N 7o.U:Drr-, .J!

SA.G :'>,';"l'tIiT WAR~liJR

Medin

Pope jf IJhn P!llil §e M

Mother

TeroSca

Gen. Norman ScJm.w'O'lrtk~~pf

make. a cliffer;eril::e in how you live I.bal. role.

rl"t'tie;r5to a few cl Q1ii sic elMilHlInples [0 make the your mind. Bearrn mind that the ]]'Idi'i,..jliiluab

y. ur mi. s!o'E'lwiUreqluIr, many different roles, The I.JiNlt'l!bov~ ~d,e8i f roles ~]emle.r ~n o used as ,e anople also

N
li ed fo~ are still livlD,g) many otherreles in their m~-'-~on- in lire. just like you" Ro~es esn be realvartd thel' ClIIl b used met~rpbo:ric~Uy.orexamp.'e, i:!liou take on the mre oHhe 'age 0\.., PiElll1"o.fyour nli:ss.i'©n. 'lha~:doesn't iunean that 'you th1nk YOI] <J:r{l Jesus lOr that you ha 1j,I~ Ito rencnnce all w~dtJ,ty acti \']ty a[ld pfUy all da.y, R ather, Wlq;: , age T,o,le can be used ~~ III has]c ]denn l)l with ifI YO,1JLf f. sel You eaa say, "I am,ll Mig. As, ill sage, :fuOiW can [ live 'this role d mnnstrating love .• compas. 'ion.. and wisdamtoday?' Faking on 'Ihis idienti.ty as a <I~e may fille:a.Qenvi 'oning yourself tbinidng deep];; be:~Cllre<Lcl~lJ!golr 'reading spiritual texts (.lit a ri;gu(la ba'· i:s. The. e ,action!l,and Dd~e.rsbe. [lme you gQ.at for ~'IJI,U ~l'Idi"iduar role a. a sage. Remember ~he basic NLP Pr,es:l,Iip,psirton that H' one pe;nop can do Sil"ml!l~dil!i:ng" an,ynne I~anle!llr" I~ do~t-~j] other
51 ~uri\y You ..

HIEVING

YO'

,Oi"ILS

'Wards" ,as. you- Oel1j~'II'e..5 C}

1

yo:[U

become.
life for you md
yQUiif

To makethese

mdi vidual role eemete

m]s. loa, if is important to d~oQ"ewhich on pertain 1:0 your particulaf mission. If you arc not y~1 sare what your m', ion ls, g:o,back to Chllpk::r TI'm;;e ar:l1Id usethe p oc es e describedthere to is over ~rur mission. Remember: DLc'O' erln . your ITiL [on is finding the purpose of your lite, There i l]oUline, more 'W'Oiflb 'our time. Lees c~t~rt 'i,lvhh the mo. t b si in H, ]dl'laJ :wl-"_lx:ing great h·.ieu'n:dto yQu:r.~df. Eve!}' pc rSOI need th is role. V bat we me~n by this rnle rs how you OO['il'UI]Jlfik~:IDe if I [this fti~]ld;'5h~p Will:! youtSe~f.
'y.olU]r !,~lIysica]hcflI~11;, your emotional h.eaH:h, J~ut~r pitii~~a,i wellbei ng, aU depend upon hea[~b~ .,posi tive o(}rnmufii~a:1 i n whh yourself; Dn you treat ycursclf as wen as you do your best Ifti nd. On you talk with YOUfr.;U in BI friend) .., Ievlng, <Jlld curiaus manner in themirror on a [\egu~ r l asis? If our answers 'In the 'e questions are not .affirm:ui. e. "elU m want '10 O'(llfiSiuer be!::,on'ling mOI,!:: nf ~ friend to yoursej"L t'GIllJ can we ,cmnnu..mk;t'l . I,Vilh the: im1ige in !he mirror, we c~m.do more. Many people don"[ realize d](!I<t~fueyCu communicate m direcU y wi th Ute POI\\Vcr.fU] ilI]J;d wise ~:;pec rs of m'e ir mind, The emotional r:e.sIJJi.~U l~;f[l1is kind 'o:f co.mrn~l[ik,·U-iQ['fi is :.1, warm •. loving, cari g fee]jngifbuut your -tl]f. We'']1 elaborate more IOi this .in Ci][),fIter ' lne. 11m communk atjon with your many differ 111, inaer pam; is, an inter sting and fascinatlngpraeess. You.l:la.ve a part lb.;):! wants

have llpad ti'l I !,;l,f,a!lll: qualky rel .. llunshi.p.s. You have I, t of ditleren. parts tbin repre. ent diftereRt need • VI.' ms, and priodtie . You:!' :~!<Itio,n!ibip 'Wlfh ycurself,lIn innprove dmTlbIgh efr. 'clu'l/[;; 'internal COl1fu]uJIilli.icaliU'fi. Som~ peolde seem 'to !b,\' ood l,IlJ[a d~I'Shlllcllbems:d ves 'li'.'lId Otbem na,g, criticize • and <1irg.I!.II! ~. ili'nernaUy. If )'Pu do ~.he s'elCond, thirtk ~hollt choosing [0 make a dif erenc hi this area, When you take Jt'b~sml.e tbrough the Goa]-Achievement P'mce' , L1UUlrY pas fbmd.e;s. will. arise abeutperformlng e.ffectivel:y as a great [rlend '10 'Y !JIfSle1L You w_iIL' stabf h what value of Y'DU[ own rel.atiol:lsh'ip " ]d'l y'Durs~1.f wou1d be '[he m,Oi$t desirable, indl.U.bng change' you \ QuJd li,l:<ieo make. t alue '~rUC'" a re pect, Il\15l, love, inner harmony. inner coo,pennio!ll., and total eoneentratian are wid]~u ym:J,f crt. p. So 11is with ;a]1 of the 'Other ind]vidtla.~ l'o,les vital '~~)ii'om : mission. Now you CI;I1'1 go allwu.,-, h a selec lion process to choose: the mles youwill use for .acitle-villg )lour guals, using the next exerci e. nXERCISE 14: DISCO\~I';R.r·.G TIlE INUnlmUA..L ROr.J£S fOR YOUR I\U8810N L Leek ovee the I,is1 e'f ii:bdiv~dlJlnlroles anld ak '[he qlJe~t_iml: be ess,err~ia]Inli"'~ng :my mission?'

"wm beiag a gr'PiiJ

2. OLi 1M separateplece of paper. list roles yuu~consider essential lor the flltfillmem of yuur mission. J- If 0lJ. have £OJ!!S thai you con ider im~rtanl 10 our life hat ,ill" not really parr of)'our mi '(O!] ,as yo1Ui hllille writt fI It. ,'lII:en c.l:n:liftge 'Y \lr mis ion ta'tem III t<.J incimJI1 rne_e roles ill animponanr wm;y. ~m::lude these roles
II )'Ollf

Ii.<;t

'"''lor! role: s are ,changing dramaueelly, and it's lung overdue. V ok is hecoming rnor or] med E ' self-development aha ever

118 bef,IJ're, As y~nJJ laok

:;jJ(

.L

p
wO:lFk

U9
wmrl.l to rdi.ne and de:veTop l~le adicm.s, lha~ 1i'u'~I~Jn these m]es. If you don'l re;@l~y Iike .some o[ your C~IJ l wot'I;;ro,I,es; .U]em cll'auge theI:!LCI-'-mel]tlllty al.fiFf;s~.[ma~ine you!" w~rrk T'Oles ,as your li!!iIiision l!l1!];tie,lds. Whed~e;[ you caa ,1ISSl1me, these wOlrk roles ~.n:! yom GUf~]1il o[~anU:i:~][i~]1I in anew ollie" cresre your desured :ml'eidemWes for 01'
yOit]WItlISSU)![I.

life, aild yOijil," fi naad~.~resfllJ eces, Y(,)l.I may dc;siJ.'~ certain k~~lds of Ch<Ulges, Not,u,ce; :m~~e of the .uffi<]gesand wordsthat d(lViclap iIli ytmr mind; aad realize rrheuli inrpurtance, CGmlid~r 'W~UlU c~era.rud fillll:£1c;i :lI,ch~e.'Vctl]_~]lltS i1] willfu.w]fl'[ ~he ll.i:Jf~,:ddJlm:g your sp~ci;a~m]sstl:H'l. An(l~i:ke E\v[ng of

youreareer, yo~r

Ka:umn.m.
Oilen

fun Ul;a;1I: cO[llesf1(DJnl~,gi;,r]:ifJJg" Ollf pf1lJfeSsiol'lfl.!, p:r:Qduc~i wo~. !m~.ef> ve [)1!(:lm:JJ~~ny ft>qnire as m~ch bme~ effiot~,'il:rld ~e}uni:lJlgas .a:u:!y (If' ~Ul!' ol~]e:r l@les ]]U life.
ifeCOI!:'lWb;r:;ihe·

lbe,y ~'elq.llir'C mere. HavhlJJ.giIalagimed h!QW ~x.c~':i['ngrel'm:in ehanges l n yom WG]'k Hf:e c®rlil,M be. browse dowm the I.~,$t w~rk' s of .many roleshelow,
1iVin''k RoliN.
;\.U!.ST ASYOC~A.fl!
([h\CJ:a' ~ro'V$:11; AND ~HAKER

,El]:t:Rcrs~ tS:~ U(fS'(JCllVE.RfNG 'fflE WORRRO[.RS IDDR.\:'QUR r\,US'$]ON I. Le~k everthe ~~]ng, 1!!.gre.ll . lis;l cQif workroles and ask the q~e~tIofi: ••Willi be e8·semi<l1 ~n.liyilllig my mi'&stol'l?"

I'AWN S];RV ICE Prl.QV~rirl;;R

1. OJi!a ~r;rill'<lilie piece @r IP~pel'. ]£st tbe roles you cQ[l[ide;f essenli<lJ, for the ~ld:l'i~ Irn£;f11 oJ: ~tlftIr rl'li.ss~tHl.
3. IfYfll1 have work roles that yt)[J oonsJde:dm]3'or~i1rm'~. to Y'lYu,r lif~ that ..a¥e liIot j)m1: of .~ou missioa as ~l],U hil.'ii'1!: w~t~:ern.[~, then cha.1iIg)i!; YOi)Jl~ miSf;i~'[lIl"I,<!temt'~~ . iud u<de lhe~ n:l](;;'i, i,l'] Oi·~ i m~ pOrl:a~U w~y, lI'1e~l1~e '~~1e:&e :mles ,on. :YOi!,l[M·st.

CO[_U~,""!i'UE

snmEN,['
s;UIJ{)RBl~ ~ liE 8UPiB'Jt'V}so:r:
TEACH.1l:1t

c.oWG']illER
C]J,STO~1I!;g!ll:
D9CT'[:I'liI, 1);RJ)l>IE F:NTREPiRr:.N.Ill:!iJ R.

'it liSK)'N\~J:.'],
W,"liE SL!\ VIE WO~KE~

LAW~'t!.R l..EAlQ .~"

""~IRHE&:
}'t)l\W

f,~r-renh wor.k: [!lles. IJ YQI'U ,Sire81. ]~wye:t:t YUUI oOIJiMohoose from .~ vaJdety of po~~ib~e[Q]e8 includ ing; hi red ,gIJII, defeIil;cler ef (['let weak ,.ned!U<ll!.or,. edl1c~tnr, cl:e:fMd(;;f,@f j us~ice. 0]' aeeUmiJJlatllr of ITiL®MY.lE;v.e.iY O!;;cupatilOTiI, jill; an OPIlOTtunity for a w~ci~ v:wri.ely cfroles, "Wb at are J'm~j!''C:[1~R[H W{]rk: roles ';I AI;,c you. aW:lI:ge slave, moverand sh aJ!;:e;I" lea{k~,roUlowe:r, hired h3i~d (iQ1,IIJlSe~~']:, f~L~iUl~liO'],. lJJfif~chim:;otpeflatol'. '~<lS~.'il-'<Qowroi[klM.o.len[fe]JI'eneur? Li 8:1. ou]" ,C'l,lireli1lll w,o,,!:k l1oleso]1l ,110piece Olfpaper. y . [)!g ~'\}!,l 'l'i~e'
t
T

Think abo WIt

'li\\r~':l:u p]aJ.oe is there for grea;[ faJmilly and pessonal r,e:I.a~i(JIli~hip;1ln i your mi.s&ioifl?Re~.aU9nS]1J].])&"'vi.[h pe,CiI]a~i,: create 'the richness O~ll]])I' ~J!fe JftThat litviad. Ma]llY !ii[gb achleVet~ ~(!©lp~v::kon their livelli .ill:~d ls rea I ize t]lat meir eareer ,e«()r1l.~ &eF~Q ~5~,Ylnler~ertld \virh :[[Iti mac y i[I their persoaal .rceb:t]Dfii.§fu]p~. Recognizing this .. f~rtTiiet ID.l3M CbaJl1iman ThGIlITl<1lS Walsoifl •.Jr. said rhat <In ~XOC uti'yewhio dfJoe.S,[I' have j" t p]emlity Lli.f tiLme :[grpertiJ)rird t>eJ .. ~i:a.[isbipiS: is :a blld executi ve.

them? Are

they

ccnsistent with

yQ!!]lrffl].s\Si()j],~

~ernThelll~e:r[b~~ while

working in a given job. yOI1!n~y have marlY diff~:rem role :ide!.Hilles; 'lo~tiHm y©l.1Irmissloa. If Y'011iL[ ~lIImnl WQvk roles fU. ilia:to ye!lllr mission, you Il'ID~

sun

~ Thi.ilk :~libu'l:IIt'~ l:H~Ong:Mps. w.u~h iltn~im]lGiII,l.I:[JJt peop]e in yum I famil.yfio.1!.V!lJ:id eo come 1i'O!l1[ sprruse aad .childt;en. parents, 'bIlClifrh~ ers, ,and. &i s.t.err.. W.t.~o.!j]\t:'lt1Lei:rop~).rlant pflop;lt m; YOi[hf lillfe? Ollh~Jway [O' determine til is [s li1Ie ki,d:[J~eyne..sll. nf;H)t[[ Ufe depen.ded Oil ,1l lit.l'nl<lted.kidn:ey ,who would gi,ve )'l~[1one of theirs?'

120
AUNT ]!lROtl'G t.R Ill'lOHI F. !!~~M~~.".W roU;Sl~
j)IAtrOlI],!;!!

L
MGIHEI1:..ll'ii-UW
N.EJi'.HbW

12]

N]:e:C~
s:!S'FER W:tll STp.vr,.'\THER 3lIE:prl:l01r-l'iIiJi U- CL

~fder Ul~ pki:!iH~[as ''lJw:i1ol,e, There IH'aiy bea corrttn Uil it)! ~SSliC , umproli.l~me:tllt, 'G'l" change U]t~t)lOU\l!i'OU ~d ~ ke 10' m~kei;j;l, your role DIS· i

a citizen,

Do YOU1rralllO:fu!e bteme;s aJl]<Cj hel'QilJe5i live eitjzen

roles?

FA'fJiER l'tATHII!:llH,N-i:.AW

ml"~ND
MQTHE~

P~Ck & ro1e:·th<1!tts.il~[P6.rlM~ ,p(l'it~ap80ne nl~\~iSi~lifonnedk;8S i well dl. YOIilwo~,id~i1o:!~, T.M.Ilik abonthow ylUili!Ji "~i:afflt~hatre~a;hml~ :ship to be. How would yml know you had ~ g~;e;r~ relllt,i_,d~JiSl1ip-m~e 'CPllJ;Sistel:ill. W]W y(~t1I' mrllls-S]OIl. a.IiLdwllh 'who '[hal ether p~r,alo!;1i s::1

~xmtCJSE

16. :~ISCOVE;lUNGTHEPES;80NAI.

ANI)

Does, J~otff ~~i&sion incl ude ch:ire1J],l:oh:::s? ,I:.le,opl:e ]],t1;~d!(). lake responsiln I ity as ]mdi \I iclyals tel Jl]fIk~t!'le wmdd wp[k bener, for sotue, [his happe!~$ thu~U~Jl.(~eir w(jl.rk roles !lt1ld their reles 11-$ paJeli:lts. Ce:r~Ji[! ythe !1lelther and f.1!d'ce;[roles csn ~ be ~hou£mt o:f as citiaen reles. Ol~]·e]'~ssume dlizc!l roles ia addia ticn hJ lheir w!t:nl\;:1tlf!ld f~nli.I.:y'·'Qle!;. SU II ethersmake lhe]]f\\vm!. ro1.es citizen fulie S" Dr. M<ITrr~,I1[;u~her J{jr]Jg b]~l]cd~d his (<Cl]e as .!.l. miliil~;:sl~rwith hi.., ~il~~en role ;lIS <Ii secial a_,Qtivlst ~n [bis rcle, lh,e hl!o t:lgb~, r,-Kl'n:l¥ io.!eIclit ;<'I.Ct,I!t:Jn:I as .aT means Hl! cilaUcnge d10 ll1i~S:lic:e of racism and s;egpi'lga[~.Qn .UI1l lhe 1950s ,and ] 96['!s~,We all need s[Jime way to fed 11. c{mnect~on~e[wye ~ W~,!U happ~ll'lfi,()'lJj~~]de (~r oti:r&e;]lv,e~ <llm:d Wil!1tl frrappe!l'~ t0~S indjl~v~J~.h.l!~W]yisionary eultursl ~V ~iS,~OTian Mt1IT~s ~emfl"lI'1ihas cles;:c!I'~bed sheneed for this ~1ilJ a der.iglHfui way;
r

FA1IBL¥ f(OLESFO.R. VOUR.NllSS1QN

~. LI:,Jek ever the 11s;t of Fl-~:n'io:rlli~lIlldl fa.rnlJy roles- "nrJfi~1!: th.e

l[t!.esHon:

my In~ssiea?'

•• W i~b(;;l.!]!!; I

!:!

gl',ea!.l

he

es ~CIHj.al i.]l, Liv!l1!!;

2, Olil,'J !i~(l!1ta[:epie'ce li;Jj~ ~~.('rhe fu]:I!Hlmenl t

o:f

j)llper, ]i8't th6 ;~~~S, cd' }"6!iJ:r mi,;s;~(m.

)lGlII:Icensider

essen-

The Jle:s]~, nny body Is ~[s,~)i ih'enesn efihe le~j;l~h... of t ,,"["u knoiw ymm own :~esh. t"© knrnw l~rnthrnep.il!iroand j oj! it eontai ns, is,[i'O ~on'le~Q ,know ~o!H.ethjng Im.llel1 .~aJ~c]'~~;)I[Q~h]s. , ., ,. $ometmng oibvi!ol;1sl:ee])s ehn;:llng O<lI:rel!vii]zation. !'ltomelliing Hwt irt~o~,ves aJ1E;€iprocal,dI3lHo;l'lship' between fiiU.11W and psyGhe,. and ~ha[ w~ <I~~goh"l!g EO have tograsp i[ ""e. "are W ~iil"i.ve asa species, 7 If y@'u l,Lke I[~]~ICfI,udaors. i.f you rule <I n<l(Ure~~[JviIl,gper~on yo~, mugbl assumereles fldalimg ~!D the .en'!l~]unment Perh~ps you 1ii'iI'Zl!11 yo'!::!.r d[y h) have cleaner air, a mass-trarrsit ~ys~em, bicyr;;Je p~Uh:s" snd bcn.eI tCil1ffitt: now. y,o~ can evenpi-ck ~ ]~rget very ]Qng~(enll1ll iSS!lU! such as ihe rela:tioill!ship be;tw eeJ1JjNJl,il.f species, and lite ['f!$( of the planee, Thal,~.ype of ~CQpC'l~]l1ld!!';1I:';'IlliIldiem often !Jiart of ma fly lees IJCopl~'t\.miss]On--l:'enlem1her, )lou can m~k<: 11 ~hfl'efencc Ul].~1:]~ wOlrM, .~rl~J~vidll<:liX!Lil]}d small g~:nups.of peopie :I~avealw:a.ysb~e:n the ~~UI~ ufilroprovemilenl: ~,I~ U~.e ~o:rh:l As the gre{ll l!i:ntl]rupol.og]~~ M8i'l:g~Ujel Me<l{j, fUl!!:·· ever dlol:ilM tba~ it small g[1)ItlP of e®mmltLQidp-eople CirIi]Cn"ii].ge tl~e w,~~.·ldj.IL!~d(edifR, '[he [l:l1ily [hing that ever
j

l. If!i'\[}-I;IIHIV<fl ]!le:ffiCllllti1l11lI'u;l f;;!!lJ1d~iR~leS.lh,IH. sre irn].~Q:l1M1jlto y.O~L ,~ife that .tTlefl.m: :rea]1yp;art. of yonr miss,iQln 018 jiQU have wri:n:e:tl it. then ~ha~~ YOllrma.ssij):n S'l<i:t.~TI1~lJ!it t~~ il].!;:l~e these r-o;~ei5 imi an ll"!Ir~irt,anl way. hJdudes these l'ok;<;:~n YO[!l, list,

Cid-zefl R:QI,e!l,~R'etmi.().Hs.1iipli' N,(JJ~re'

Wilh the LcWgrr Gonun~~1Jiiy ,aud

Talkle; a mook at the h][g_tsl r.;;m1ite;K~ of your fife: <i.1[U.d ©iJk:, the w cClJtl:l:D.1!l!nhy.Icily. '©ifmrt]on in which yo~ ]ive,Y'ou. may even eon-

1...2

p ROLES
,.I;.Ji\Tl£l

j\CHr:BV.ING

YQU!R

011.

1:1.' .' , AHd chang,ing the world tan with I:mnging eur owrr comn:l.~n~[,y. bar happens person by person business by business, film~ T iJy by family.Jseue by issae, goal by zoal.
t

SUMMA!tY
PfJi'so/mllFtlJmify l;I;()r~:s
A.J:JN [lROOH ,Ii
E!~01FH·R-~~-.W

Individual R.ole.~
ATflL:El~1E (~'E;A1i"(Hl [lJ5 ffll:E OVERE:1it FOOL

Here are II: few ,eJl:anThp,les 'k' help you seleet th citizen roles you wi] I use in the ,Ooal.-Ac:ltitl,v~rnem Process,.

10. SEU'
1-·

AnHl:

l.OVER:

(: U ·IN Dil;;1.1(;:". !ill ITHF.1:l

,ATH -Ilj-I" .-~ \!,.v

HE.R()(tIlHI.OI:

E.:lGHFlOII, OFfICE:1!i.oWER ORG 11Z£R I"HI1.I'\,'I;.I ]ffl'Il!OP~ST 'REVljiLliTIOl'Il

HUNH~Jk LEAcI)'R L'ARN R

Mfi..mClfll.,
~,I) SI!,'('iif,;

IPRJF-ND
I\;l:OrfliEl{. MOTH _]'.- E

IHN -t.!\

NE!P:I'IEW .s~STER

!R

I\TQR

yaWN
""QT R

EE~

~AINT WJ.\IUU(lI.R

EXBR:CISE, 1"1: mSCOVERXN',G THE C1TlZEN FOIYO R. ~USSION

ROUE.'S

A.RTIS.y .ASSOCli'!.T>
CDj\ ,
ADVO'ATE -jilEAUTIHEI!! CHIA:I'lG: , OAH AGE T

1, lw.i~ otei' the list of cltili'..cn ml t:san[l @lsk Itlle qUe{;,~'iml:.•"'WiH being a, ~ealr 00 essential livj'lllg my mi sion?' ,

Ei')l.Ui~\(lll1E. GO'!.VOli!J>D.

J. Oo,.a :sepanJite pi~ce of p:apcr, Iis~ the roles yut) cens.ide!' essenrial II r '!be fl.ilmhncfiIl 01 y ur mission.
yo'm ~ioft: I'irla~arc' t.lot really parr of~''!}iJ.]I'mi'~loj;i{)n you have \\\'fittJ,::1'I ,ut. then <IS change your missioa "!:atC:lllem to illl~I'I.Ide tiL!>!:: :role.s il'l, 3111 imVOrta'nt w<ly,llil.ch:td:e these roles on. y~U:i:1' li$t.

em".", M R DOCTOR
DlON , N'fIlEP!lI:EN -IJR:
tAli-V)' ~I<

COMMUNITV,I'\,CnVISll , I.iNCIL MEMIU:I!!

, RIME f,IIJiHTE.R

3. If you il'ia'\1c C~~iz.efi .m;~es~:hal~1J

COli!.j,d.i;r.W[l'Ipo,rt:ant IQ

~LD~~ I..f!.rr' R WRITER. ;o.!!A(HJIl. LOVER

t.il:Af.)l::f!.

MOVE'R AND ~~H"KER I'AWN

, IWIO'
I'i!lOVID ~

STUIDEN1!"

Listing Your Role for Living Your i\JI:i

of roles peop]e 1L<~e Ofl, to fulfi~] th 1r mlssiens. As yOlJ look ave:rrthe list, mske no~e of those rh'.I'l·:lfC s entia] for yourmi siea. Add allY rolestha; Me; mi~'Sifl: from YOUlr Here is ,11 SUi!liln::IiM}' li
t

, " BORElINAr," Sli'P:ER'\~[SG:R' l~AJCHEli! _lS'1 IARY WA.GI! SlJ.\VE

WiOnlER.

j'JSJ

fillV 'l
VOLlJ'NTIE \'0: EJ;!

nON AR'li'
[l.

Ut~

W'-Ri' 5.R

125

Roles and Values ._--., ...

'. .

DEl[!P'ESl'

VALUES
ffjifjiMlf;!tl1

Ea'dflmh:; in you!!: 1i~~ isa re~jml£0;[ .aehkvu1TIIg parllculor. g®lfds. 'flm,e:segoals ~t'e the :1i;CUCIIlS, m, the W,[)llld ma:t mate <I. difference. l'.he'y ere the way you manifest yd.i!l!f values. TIl~ ~nm:~(l1dl]JF[~g YJoMrmiso,ff ,[),f tffiL~~~ t:l"lanyri():~es sio~~depends ll!llipfiHTh .fI,chkvi.nglho gl\1~l!'l i!l],e3.dl

F~m
.8 C

1~(}.'V,~

Cmoca,me

IlI.ROTHER Cj),W~II;K:I':'R ('Jill.!\. irOl~, ii'A.'mEI!

ttlemc.e U'lliaa~ 03!mag;l:e8i~ . ?" or eeurse, Y'O'tl,rflIJI8W t'l"r W i~h~~ q1ll,estio~wi~l,rejFe~t yonr vahle~. It ~s ilupi:.Hlafit to realize tbatYQlIl" m~8s]ol], ttl be flll~],ned~ch, d 11)',,:l1Ie>eods tQ emerge fWI]], YJ(]UJclee,Pe,s'l values; ]n laxerc iire 10. jrQU :m<1idea U 8i ~~~ )I(~urdeepe.st. va;wt.~, Use i,t Wflb the Sam:p"]e .H!@Ie A~s.e:Ssm;eD~,O]a~[ be sure Y{lUJ rollfl'S1lre to r.:iG'l'Igmdt wah YOll]r vahl!e:s,. Once you 'k.now )'G:Jll'r o:n:'iite]JiiltiCl!~ of values and ha\l~ names, c for U1:ellll.'~().tlclp you bm:IlJ:gtlThemm rni nd, you can use tJhJ~m as, a 001 Clf .5tlllldard:sCcl'v e'va[u;ll:tint yoclU,r'pe:rJ~Oflrlallee lliw eaeh of y~f~r
J

Cci'rls~dJe;rlhe foiles, iliLa:t your mission diefines,., ~[J)chns bmLhef",,~:u:s~ ter, d.Q~'tm" worleJ:, t;~vol~honat'Y .inu:UectuaL fd.emd. !e~J"ne:[,~tr.::, F'w e~cbl1bk. you'canas]!;: t:fuer::oUOW]!lig_, q:]M~.s;~iIQ'n: "Wll3!L]S [he ev-

in

y~ur IU}. .'.

c
B

.A

'.

'.'

.'

.•' .'

!'ItIrN.~
rru.f;;NI;I

A E

To £E.U' [.m::,II,~.AJlCl1:ivnnr
REVOLUTlOiN:'!

0
A A

c c
D
,tIj

I~

n
PI, IEl D
A

c
A.

B C

~
C A
B ;.\

~y

SUl'iERV!S@~.

e
Ii

c
B,

c
A-

WNCLE

roles.

flJN;

~~yth,<l[ you have ten main m]es for ~atlJ' m~S'skll1, b:ey T t~[her, bf(Jther,!tI~le. ftiend, ooworkelr. oU~t"'!l~!;o:r,l)evo~u:~i.[):I1iary.- Cfif:lll:i©:1 ,~4r.iend .lQ. self, ,1J]llidlocal <1lCl.livisL furtlID~mlojJe~ let's assume dlJa:tYOYT ~omrdee;pes[ values ,are 11Ji] ~ent. fU[I, ]:Oli,I~. <lml fil cournge• The ~h1U'IlJbe~ijw p~9\i' ides a w:ay '~()exam:jme ~©\l,i 'I,\I."eU Y0rtlr ro]es :addtlall~yre[Ject your values . Use 'til is chart I~'O G':[I!~.e Y!ZlU'l"fn~es ,according how you de:lllflI'Hllra:te.your values in leach one, Y:,),[[Ig an A-f' Jgrad:iiFg sy:M.em. [~ere '~;!i; ~[JI ex.a!~~ple:
I~

Lef's

Tifue r:h,MlI. is reaHY<l w~y 91' o,rga:[I]l'~ng a set of ~l\:se&$mem qU~8ti.oIDJs. M q~es[~vni.s, "".H~)w weU ~o,[ d:enaonS~l'alethe V:1l]~~ T ___ . in. my Fo.~e <l:5 'l" S~~iflg in lhelCllpper h:tt, tile; ~llle!itio;~sCiil~] li~ it$ke~, It'bi!i way;'lHooww,eU d~)1 [ d~!~iQ]I[straw. flJl.Uli liID1~nti,lW my lfCIie~ a br~~he:rr' As. y,~" lookat [ilile: S1!.m!p~e ole I~ R Asse;sSlneU1!t Chart, yo;!!] I(;;{I:U)J see ;paHems where the ~GtlV]tIe;s of a role do l!]Ol live up (0 th~ v:ahle~" Thl!! mJP5[ de[id~!ltro[~ in d1iissample ch~1'it [s ":friel'ld. to selL "Whe.l1I d~~s peISi®fDl asks, "ll£1w w,e;U diG r de:mO~lstrate(!.IJfi]hHenl, f1$I1.lo\l"I;. allJ!!! ~Qulllg>e; in my [\0Ie .as 11 :fdend~Q! myseiJf?" (lite answsr is nottoo well, Cory th,i:;! Malmk d]"I[lI

below for dojng ylGliill:' ownm](l assessment Mlen yo~. can give yoursdlf 3fi Agra.de in a given roM:,
fbc'lls onotherroles, If YQ;U! '€~,A's,'O'[l1 (iU of g
YOU!f MO~t:;S,

l~hei1 YOI;I [n~n1J!€kl

Of

morevalueser

more roles. The idea here is jo deve~op

never-

Clldilm,g prcesssef ~mprl)v~m'ilerlt. Al:ljrsuJch queS'l will have:pe<ik8 .1)mj plateaus. 'Ii' our mllLSlietry ,O'f each role il1i yGllJ!~ mi ssioCJ. iNUI clom:frikmte to an £v~r~imp.[\ovbil~mjS.5~(lirij. flIThd w,me.n you C:~ooge well, h} <1J fun, c hane;~.'!Ii[l~. <lind mearl.i[Jg',~1U life. i.

1.26

1:1 in V

YOUR

(lOI\LS

1.27

I I r
I , ,

[
I

I I
I

i
I
I

unique mission. Because 'on Ita" - ,~I de el.opingpa 'si,on for YOllr mission, it's time to <ICt. As you e li'nJ1lif mill sion more clearly, ifnJe 'wi es }lIOU will live become more ob\l:i ousll.nd n&l.llrnl By u.siug ll:!e~eU.owing Goal
1

SJid~ "Nothin,g ever happen it] genenlil, e\'eryLli:ing ,aJway& happenpedficalIy.·· This pn ees will, help yo'l1 oeCOID "p·lCifi and detaUed inpursuit of c .amining your life lIF1d milkifllg change in, b~w you live :it,-cbaDlges Ullat represern the f~I!.fiUmelJ~of yO'lit

Acl,i.ieltemeltl pr,oc¢ s, your w~es will take on new .Ii.t:e, . be roles

I I I

I
I

been living will i:m,pro,\re re:draordimlri,:ly, and-your new ro~es wn] MosSom eaeb day, . Ow Ullk:e i:lJI,11t sole you W<1n~ 'to ~.lTl'" prove ,iUid go. tbmn_ggbthe pf'QC'es~L Rule a~e npt just a]'-eac~orgoal f "etti~g-coU~ctively yo:t:lr roles and how you live them are wha ),I(U( {}r in your Me.

Y0l!ll hav

Focus, Your Efforts on a Specific Goal

hi. OOOJI!l]" Jive Y~illr 'milS jon. if's import~!:lt '~G pick pedlic t'O goais, \Vben you go to ,a new 'retaufan~, you usually look et the n'le:lll1witb j,_!I~e:re;s:LYll .1100. at esclrnem and think about it, in:rng]ne- it, taste it. You cal,~,'k!lse (I1ilt i~Je['u)rf: gorng thilfUllgh :iI. menu ~ar the ma]IDili roles ill JIUUr ~ife: ,Andth~n you can chao's,", from H p:articukll area of your ]!ife a particular nUe. and take '[hat role dYi)ijgh th -:;,t ur stell of the GOIi] Achje'!.'emerrtt PmoeSs. ~~.\ ol,llia f be lik:e browsine lhJ:io,ughi!l meau of deHQ],mleflbie~ and, ~§ter brow~~g:. dlloo$~:t;L'g .'it partkuhlil; HJJC in your life for gmt! developmen'{. "Now 'lake the time W pjc!k. one role, the rele where y,o,llli have theu onl1leSu feeH:Jmi~'sf w,i;!!!ilt~ngto create change • or wll'lflling to o (jehu/eve ne goal s: Ir 'the S[.I:mple R",1e A;llSeS&mcl'It" were yours, the 01;""1' '~s hie!;) would be "friend 'Icoe-If," b~catl.ls. Ilbi. role does not demonstrate your 'V~due, ,\-,leU, Chcose one roh:: in . ~orL.!lf' ]i~e er a 'lim.e in whk~ y.ou can v,'Gfk (a~, Yol,l:r p:aH'tkul!t[ go,als. _-,uib lime YOIl read tbis t~h.aph}'f, y,uII,;<In choose iii difft!ront role neededfot ful.'filHng yQ!lIf mis'ion .. be. reason for thi isthe
i

The. Goal Aebievemem Process

Knowing wh1l.!: ou w;mlJitis;rrunil'.mleldan y
It2/l:n:t ~:s beMrrlgsJ]re (nat wbat.
;rOt]

to NLP.

J'~il~t,aslmpo:l"~

""<1111 ~ns :re<lUy wGllltll havi ng, 80 Ih:~I

you win be ,S'.a,tlshed"",'nel1 you actually acbielJi'e :it, You will find it very useful to go (hrougb the series of Que~ tiol1,~, belj)w~o as, j t yo~:rSleH in clevdopjng your gOia:b SQ' that '~he'Yar~ wQ~1'I1, hal!lirrg ,a:nd 510'tj;n,at tlley win fit witb Ule per;SOJI yo~ w",n to become. T!1ese are known in NLl! <I' llhe We,lil-Formed:Go:a. Condition ...

Selecl,r.nga'pi!cifi·

Goal

n.lrt

Fl~'S~.wh,n do Y'0~w mill? iPic'ICene gn\liI~'fir des ire 1tnm all ,of the wO!ik )/-O,1JI, have d~Hle in thill ehapter, It yO~Ll. immedt (ely lhhlik of several goats, m-e they ;;tf'iike'in, o'me wa ? EOr esample, if Y' 'U WIlDt 1!00 eet your p'!!ojects done on time, fini 11, orne laJi;, and ,'c,gin exe:reisi~l~,ithe~e 81111 rekl'te ,to bemglIlot.i'ila~ed_ If you think of severn~ ge.als UUlit arCH' t al ike, pick one of them io b,eg:l n,

NLP' has d" covered mIl tl~e 'W IY u dUnk a 'out you. g. al makes a big diUere'l:lce. You can think of the is ame goo] in a way t1\'ial

)28
slble, The
neltl['

lIP
thaL

129 make it aim

t

make. it e:asy to chieee, or ill a way

irnpos-

own worth and :ability to act even when youI' boss eriueizes

you,

''1uestion s \ ill mak ~ ure you ~[li' thinlk: l'mIgof your goal in ways that will rnske achie: log ir easier. M,ake Sl1le }'Qilll: gmd is Si[!UI~tI ill terms O'f what 31m.!do want, not Wha:l you den' It W ant ~or ex,u:n.p]e,. ~f your g~!i!lt i "1 w,.U'],( my coworkers to q1..1iIt. whining." or •... , sru to stop feeling bad when ~ my propo,~all!l aren' ~ accepted," or "I don 't WilIi I W t~]k 0 fast dudng my presentarion ,,~' you <life "lhinki!.1 gof what you dOin't want

Pl\!rhap .you \! ruu 1[0 feel confident when yuu're criticized, and 1[0 be abJe to sort out wh~~ parts of the criti Jtsm yOIl agree with and what pOIns you d.i,8~lgn~ewilh, Thus put you ~[J a :much mere powerful
pos]l!iol1. because you can g~l Whilllyou. wlInl. and stay o~nifi(le[lt and resooreeful, even if J'Cf[Lr' boss eonrinues in his criricism.

You can easily mrn thi. intn what sld 11 .' ~ • [ want

j~I)Udo, want

'inst· a . • 'I waru

my coworker to take f'~p_ n·ibnity for tlleir OWI'1I tas . '" "I wanl tu' accep: fet-dback ill· .1'1 opporlllniity to improve my pfOpn~,ds .Ild

mv ecmmanlcarion

lQ

be

81\ jll'f. IOf

my v ',ice a~ 1

~p'eak and have the tl.exibiUty to adjMst ~~. when I WU[Hl." 'WheIl peeple thi.nk about '1",h<!l ti:le-)l don't want or what they wan:t\ to !iLvO](t iliey ,oil)eIlprodu~e th<.uru in I:treir lives, 'bec3llll'e. tltaJt is, where 4:beilt mtnds .are focused. 'fhe~e,~ additional e.xampl,e s of uhe effects ofphrnsmg thing' in negative .1.1l]!lguagG'.Chang~fi.g, ~~oU!r Ianguage from whf!!l y10u dun't want to do to 'j;;~ill you de W,[lJftl: I ' a t simple shift that can make tremendous diff renee. Make sure your goa] i,~lted in a way tbln yo~, ..n gel ]Il I YOUl:se[:f, ao maner wh<ll[ osh r peop.le do; U' your ,ll!'Ollt $, eeqnire tIler people to make changes, even if Ihose. changes wnuld be a good idea ~tpbces you in a more 'itUbleTaMe .ubd ~telp]e, position, U

c:t take .uiloffuer example, Say your ;l1inclihy ~s; ".My be$~. empioyee has qnit and I want her back," Srnc~ you don 't uWma~ely h ve any eontml over whethe he willeome back 0:1" [1(,1, you can ask oursel., "Wh'1H would b_· i!lg her bad dOl for me?" Perhap )'oufworking :relatiQn!'>bip wa the best you ' .... ever had. Mayl- he e wa e'ffk:i.ent a:mHet you tnt)w when your mJru6tiO[Ds were IjULleW'. Maybe yau fell eomtorteble !.1,.6-legatingto her, w b:ich aUO\ ed you to :feel ulis:fact.l01iil with V,rI'HU: ''l,'.!IS ~,C'c1()mpl.ish.erl.
Oc

Nolji,/ Y'CDU have a list ,~]lf:heg6:l~!i.~h~tt. ~nder your cpntIo], y~u I are can find o,ther w:a.ys ~iG'bring dfiti,ell~Y ]:l1ltO YQI[J.I]lie and imfuov,e your eemmuaicanon skills, You calli find Qtber ways of .feeUng: comfortable and leerning to de.l.eg<lte to other dficient people, You can do all of these t1b~lil.g whether that employee comes bae k or not. . w. do Uris arne kind of l'\e~lJ!imu]atioD with your goal, if nece ssaJiY. Make sure it \ :tndy sta~ed i1'1 mill posiuve and that i!: is som.elhi.tlg yuu can do somethi.l1g about.

meaa s' y~.m

WO.hll' l

be aJi}]e t,Q ge,t, wl:illa.lyO!U

W~UlJ[

unless

)'t():Lj,

can get

oilher peor~ello clLaElge.W hilewe aU want dfJ.1Jill froJH 8illd for other g peaph~ir.s, itmp~,"aIl( that we formulate nut goals ill it waythat we' ll b able tn ~re.ath tlliei:li1" no matter \ hat ether people

TM:s rna)" sound

Ull'PO!L ..ble i

or

If-centered

1I't fir t,

o let'

go

How will yot! knewwhen yQU heve achieved your goal? SOllil1.f'. peoplehav noway ofknlIliwingw:bethe.lbe bav reachedth irgoals

I!brougb se ..rernil es amples.

lt can make

.tremendous

we eperi.ente our 0: n ahilirie o:ood" uengtbs·'<lY ·\,V.Rntmy ho~s.W quit: I'iticlz,ing me." Since t.l:!.Dt; requires YO!lrboss (0 chaage, iil is nUllomdl':lin tJhlll hi wiihln yom ,.otnUoJ. This goal
puns you in ~ v~d[l[e;[,aMe position, dependent 0[1 y"J~Lrboss changing, . IT )101.l! reformulateit ~.,'Wh~l (:$11 I do, or experienee, Ith21l will allow me to remain resourceful ~QI maner 'Wbat n1i}'b .~ 'Ill1mb T' 'thiputs yem in charge of your goal, his gives }l'ou n ·''(!.l'IC 'of Y(}Jllir

dlJffer,(;noe when ur goal. is: "I

<ornot. Th~ll'· becae e rhi!,y hat... e

110

way~('!]
'f

easure whether their

ch]e\lin~ :somefbing.

dgj)'-ro~d.a. b havior ~staking them cL ser '

farfh r away from their

"oat". They never gel

'to ~el

the aU faction of

FO:f example, ·®!ne,ofyour goals mighr be ~o 00 m~re ~UCCJf:~' f1J!l,1!. you. il.! d!OJl'I~:have st:IDlSIury speci fiG: ,ev idence-wtta'[, you']I see . hear, ~nd fue[-fOli'w'h:i:'~t. "successful" fl:'[~~~lS ro yl()~, y®tl, may woik at being successful all yonvlife and ~Vell'l aehie .re a g_li'e.ttdeal, witlb:tO%Ll ever f'eUng •'successful .. ,. You C 'Il def Ill! success <Is. geRimg 'Ol:[1.eOne to

1,30

H I ,E

~ .. Gnu ~

'R G'

A,

LS t

131

smile, getting a certainjob, CWevillg at particalar s,a]a:ry, or an 'thing else specif • btllJt.VI you don't define it),Oli \!.1Q1I1i't ge~ ~t Recall the goal you selected jill the pre:violl echQin. Does l e cvidencel .. thar ~oal relate closely to the geal? ~'~ake sure yuur evior dence provides yO'~ w~th .good real istic n:edbaC-.k a bo.Ul whe I'll r y6lJ1 are reachiDJlg yOU! goaLI,clf not Sl.'IY your goal j to be ~f!eflh::H· e manager, Iln,d your: I~vidence :[o:r yop! ,e:tTec:ttvene S is 'lhal you ~ee] good ar the end flhe day .: ee~]ag_cod at the end of the dayis wonderful, but ,ll'oe&n'~neoe:s:S{lrHy have ~uythull]jg ro do wi~h being an e.f~ ~. tl\le I:uanflger .. Better ,el/icfelt l;,v!(ll,dd be thal yeu ob erved Y~lf emplo},'ees dtl]JJ:lg be:tJt;er ~t <L.'iI'[IJrilM:Y tasks, [han Ithey d~d when Wt;e2l ,~r started, Say you'r glJa.1is to be an ,effecUve ~Il:~er'il'i;sm, nd you fed that a you are a .gooduJlerviSlQlr wbe,n YOllfWOI'1'kers teU you I~hiiitYOli ar-e d:uioga good job. Agaifl. I[his. is far U1l!TI t!he' best evldenee. If you ""ti~t (l'IIU workers ~o ten you, "You're great," you arc like]~'o. be t ~iOO Ie:l1i~!1t and 1:11iS oppOtflu[I]Hes for improvil]g !:hek performance. Again, :better evidem .. would be UJ,' etch am:llHen for ]rl'c:re<l. ed cc psodn tivity, job perfnnnance and job'atisf,u:;tion, AnQr:her typic. diflk:k1lty with .fonnulating goal ~V~fr.e'lloe i~ to place it~onfM inthe future. roo moo.y would-be. ecutlves make lJIiei[ bapIJine s aad lII;ri5.factiol] c&loli['[gel1t on havillg the: dgb~ ho~ue, tile right 'pause. and the right ~,aJary. 'Ihese arewonderful, but are ~tney real ~y so jmpQrtant you have to hold off' ~liappil!l:eJl$ ntil u the mivf.''1 MO'~lap~o:p~~ find it much more motivating tohave some rewards ~kmg the way. Tl'l~:l> can take [lle ~QTm ,elf m;Uer-S:l~p' g'~<I:!S and by making 111- e idmee for .1 gu,~l ,f'lJlfi:l.lIme:nl II. bit ea, ier to C'Qn'W by. After all, ~E you have to C!~)imp1~le the report, H);rrl<l,te the P.r0IOS!d- to 010 'C;: 'lbe deal, tu gain Lb" new acceum, to break your uld fecn.rd. to qualify for the ~ri!l"se.you. m~,ih~ a:s. ~VI~U reward )'our~ self fer <Ct.l:mpl.e.l:ing report. ~b re wfll be alar :mOIj1. r~PQrEs, tban the faille's. and the be Iter Oil feel....he lU them. the J:ll~ore them you 'Il cf do nd the _ :oner am raise will appear, ,,;)W .chec;1.; your owngoal for ]!'u;nvm:m you get ~t(}be h!l!J)PY about Us cempletieo and make any "elJ u tmems ,'0' It..,n il'; motivatlng for Y0II], Coltsider the PQss~biJily of tiJkin_gil IS.mHlte·r- 'M~pgoal
j
r

S tecliflf{ Where. Wh'eR, tl'f.dwilll \-,VhomYou Want

AchielJe l'\Iur Goal

It"; 'ii'ery irnportant to th i11k about W~1:en YOll d<1l:if'ld \. hen you

d n '1 w:~~l your goaLF(n:r example ,. if your goal i '"Ito Ieel conndest," do you want to teelconttdeet an tile l~me?' Do you want to fed confident about tlying an airplaee wnen ou've bad [10 ~Ugh:~ Ilro~ni'lllg or 'wa'~ki['IC! aJ tiO'!llitrope a hun.dlred fee I. ab ve lin: ground? People 'onenw~ant a certain freeU'Ilg aU the 'timewben Uley dDQ it believe they can have it. ,at all, Fe;.Ung confidentwhel] vou have the skll is ,ood ~.g makes ~b:.u eonfidenee oj id and appropsiate, Then you can ~p[O!re ttl Dllnl~]e other feeling pcssibiliries in Iife, ~ncb.!ld[ltg: rCllrjo.S]'~.y.d:esi,fj,!. o~petHi velliess,. C'~J~c1jPlllS ]011 ~ns~!tl vuy, trust. lenacny •. ~OIV , .md'(} ml!ln}l mere. It's 810 lLliJi.UCII]etls,ier .60:r:li'iOU 10 achieve a zoal when youare careful ~bOlll.t here, when, andwith whom i'fs' appr 'priale-. if yuu w WlilIfll.t a. glQ~] tor Sp.r~lll, across the·fabrlfic tlf your lite-. cq:lUllsiger when: in yourlue it \\fIJlllld meke the. most difference ami. begin tiler·e, Whal will you see" he-M. Or ~eelthat. win let you b~'()L [(':\3 time to. achieve our ,goal? For ezample "When Lsee x oprpor{Quilty. [ WJlt to feel mo;[fv.a:med. • .
t

you

Now place your goa.! in your .1 where. when. jere want it m happen l'S4!) ~t rea]ly does.

and with \ hom

on the way to your ~ rger ,1lcili'eveullenlt·s.

Sometimes, in ·our rush to 3il!Eain (I'll goals.wecan [00 trac of the rest of (lW: lives. Thiscould be surnrnarized inlh~phra -, "whatever iE ·~ake::;.'·The e who 1':1 ve dQna ". whatever I.t Lak~s" have ,"' diffe",ern sIDory totelLTh i pa I is often trai,] of broken marriages, f:lil,ed friiel1orshipc~. and e U"BlJ'D'ged chlld:ic:imJ. W~\eD snece s (i11~~ny come to [hem they find dley have hEd abilitv o 'clljn' i'~.because i~he~!," h ave been so '1~~gular]ydt:di.ca'~ed to work, The m~s~ion ]ive exercises in Cllapte Three wer·!';de"Jigned liOr give Y u a mucli wider view of your tife and 1'01.II.r lace in 1:Jl1e: 'II?I!'odd.'50 jtOY em enjo)' the p journey.and the re\ anl. No," it' tim to cons], "r the ether in)' ur

B2

p
'fill
ilt,

II 1 E'

'to

OI'l.L
1'1 (
[I

133

:life as, well. How will the acid ~'. r el'lt of your goal ~ft~t them,
COfJ. ,jde:r Imdl the po Idve and the neg,alive. take 'lbn
)J..

3.Y

from other It!hings?Win it ehange LlC!'W yd1iJj,[,cl!l'~' h) owcrkers. colteagues, friends. or rrunily? Di s-cmfflF the d iflk Llh le lhalt are :~uoduaed by the flLlnUmexu of your dreasns riot tOI di s'suad~ y~'li from them,bn~ m .~.1ow)i<:iu,m ~dv~!ni?e,to prepare'~@iJ' fhQ:n1I+ How can ~ 01.1 enrich ,. re line. Or a.dju6,l your goal so thatwhat n1ig]u have
be n Mgative censeq •uenc bee mes a. positive Oippu'If~,m;dt . Very , fl,cn" it' as imple as in h~dil1lg othe ill yOlltr 'ue zess, MOl everyone w niSI to belong, eei,jif]ly with UCf;C;:,S,. Ma'k~ these goal -djuhm:;nt nQW so that when you gel there, you'll. b glad )10'1.1did, Th re are fOILlJ[ exercis . 'rh [ will talkie y()U through '!he Goal eh i~ vement Process, The l'irs,l one. E xercise ]8 . concems ~he goals, y'ou will make ~heresl of your Ufe.

You Wcml M do III ~ ,g J. II's III '"wanl," "shonld .' , ~IJU are tbe one: doing it. not ' omeone else. You tem do il-d'S1!I00t imp(l '~ible; The goal is srwdji , :not,~ ilie:ral
t_hegorui ftndim.ake sure Il¢j' 1Pt;.c~~J: by i~ achievement.

" 'J'J]e !S0~~ li ~ :eciJ'JingjC(lr:YO'U CfJIIJi ,nttkipme the

dfdC!

~re r,mljjri ve

~If
3.•

[QI;

those

4. ~l'ake' Ymll" Image C(m~~llil,jg.o~

use variou

v-j,sual s~d.!I effc~~

.as YUUI l(JIo~ lit y 1,11"' If having ,lI(;!bleved that ~(!i(i.1 OlI_T ~h ~ in the flJirure. You may ]!jC X· 'ilY visicn in orde re see ihe illner \'i,"iukings of YOI!lIr mind and
Jr

In y

iU11il,gery

1. Sat lh~ e t(lge .. Thl 11 0 r . 11 re you' n hI;: lOiT].O!I1'o!'!"-pi.ctUff; ~t. k -: once tun [[ ['ooks ]ik!e. notice Ute colors, pi lure it in fl!llld :[ai'L Thi im.tg~!!f the Illliire oc ttl'S in a particul'hr IU'<llioll iltl your
inner thester. otice the inner Ihrea-di
up-it
~la.~ ({OUlril:lS

,co;rning,

bod,y. YUI!! m!:lyl!i~~ ,cenain'obors. in ordier W il:l'l.lstra~ 0:rtlolnOillBI smtes: you're ellijay hl.;g ItihCJ:fi:. YOLI ean use moJ~'jple scree,®, 'lCl ee cl]'rf'~!l'C1ht th i.m!g..,happening, annd d:i:ffeml1~ ~iUiia~itMlff PI' ¢lii"lierf'fJt tirres that relate 10 U'iilt $pli.I~'4fic:g{l,d. See nle goal in 1'.irigln vivi[lne· s, Imd notiee h three dimensIons. J\!.i. YO!.!m;.lJ;'ethe acllie",e~ rncnr of }'QQ.:1f g{{al blgand clo e. viornut '!II1l,cl: ~ompcJll.in", l!Ibo sen e YOM:; briHy 8iiid ~our ceIiIil~·. T~ke,)'mI!T time and ->I~oy lI'l,i 'ri ion---4his mllste:rpi.ece that ,Ill ate .[e,tlril'lg, din~Citillg. ud be-

f!leli1l.siOlul~
YOl!i!.

!lndi

iina,ge:'S.

tiileai:e.r that }~Otl' 'C"!I'f evea ])lut y~J[lrnr.::~r

~1

er

Q'~e,f'

Ihtrc Oill lh~ ,;;m;~.

: .•• I!J(W }' mm;eJl in ~hf! ,PrJ~'u..,.c;i'n Y,a~'" CJ~~1,W.~ R_'lJ1i.e, low, tn thi s , .inner, mental the;uer.ilet. )rG)u;rxclfvi \,'idly III lile future. achieving thi goal, ];rt°:.lik.t the U!)UIJe. L r; 1h~ nve» dl~Te'-d{ 1;, bright, and eolorful. t . Over acres 11 gap of liliil.:' f time, yOlJ 'see y urself :tchieving thut p.articllllar goal. WRtC [JJnd hs't'fn I . an the dew.~1 as you see it Lillfol "ng in ;1 very plea ant wily.

5" Nlltiw;,e ~l1.le alhH~lzy. 'Pay attenaon to what is a hieved <knd hm..' P arLractive h is-dFllWi[lg ym.l to it. OoW notice that there is ;fi, p.a:thw>lY from [he pre. em r~l(';u.ltmt.to. ~hm r~nku~"fI!It'u're<]t'·$·a ' ki Dlld~lf r{!tlnv~y I]] rougl1 tjme.

ow you can see. hear nd ~e· rhi compelling· urure-c-ycer I goal fa a girven role. This ·nmLiv gna[ tts irlmoy'olJrmiiron, And
I[bere:i a path\\'ay to ~t.

J, M'a,l.Cre Y()u.r Gifiul W,e.U Fm'11f>ed. Ai y(l~ :;;~~ )'()I.Il"sd,fperJom1ing '~nthat role in !III eMr~oi'dimt:rJ 'wny. go dUGugb thb checklist of six goal cm:bd~lii,on lei n'lrure £111 re your good is wdl rmued. S

Knowin,o when },()I!.I are going lO perfonn well ;in apal'llkubrJ :w11e is not 'elllOlUI,gb.You need a way t~gel there. ~nd you need (0 knnw how to walk d-~a.t.!'~th. The develup:liJI:lerl'~,171.1. f,e;alis~[c, doa:ble pl~irI 0

• l'he'goll'J yuu ~Cis po ilh'e.~bt is wbii:t to lit), nnt

re a,voj;d doing,

1ii

hll'l

iusd!elnaj or di ffere~c;e between ]d~e {i:re<l11'te'fS,1lJJ:ldVU:!<liOrlll.Lry <lJcn~e'il'eTS" You can [aJk:ot~e step to be- 3i V~S]Ol'iiiry aCMrev'er by using ute next exercise.

L
JI:Jld

:hl![vi'f:lg6~el:'Ved the

mruny spcGuti,c

'jl);:[iQ:ll~and

d~~'" ,Glt.wl RelllID W the lim[l wi'lcn yo.1.I have j!i!~~ :acl:iiey,edi your gq'al in~uItPaJJlicm] M ruit ]l'iyour life. ];!e In tn al fm:m-e ,and! e:nji@y :UQ~~ acbie:!iemel:lt. N mic~ YO"li,IrreeUng:sas yo~. ~ook,i;lmu'i'I&l.Lisl.en to y>OLH'OWIl thm:i~ht~. u.bo. Because the .gi:)a~ ~s.achfil;'V£!t]T you're celebr,mil'l,t;:. S~flf;C; 1~ln: ate ru:ldtime, Rca~~z~ d how muc!ilI!ll()!iii e.njoy~aYimlgre@l:'h(5~ this ·stage ~f ~()iur Inu~l~ion. Tastemg; ~~V'I;.'letn:es:s l'a;avi'll'greJj,ch·~~[, of '[hisg)Qal , ViSirlf 2. Se~' tlJ.e Fr~j;u$"(!" NO'\... turn ~lid kmikfiinh~rinw youI:' ffl1!~me .frOm. this ,p{1i~[1_j~Jf~,8i\i inn,g.liJ.ohte'ved $Ile g:Old. look: and: see lilOw .J!~.mlr :~D.l1ssJ:Q.!J ~()!ilt±f1!lT,e~to unfold Qu~~n~g )'~~t fllu.urce.

:l:.

gm you.'the.re'~,.rnake note of (tic u uligl]l take to do those s~e:ps.

s.(:qj!i~nQ~ of

~~nt:s

abi~i~ie.'iithm11l1dt~u:[i rae

wi~

6,. 6l?! ,IliacI( ,ta ,tl!t .I'rescur. 'R(;t!JJn'I til tilepleM:l1lt lllOrn.etlI[in ~i;F!ne a ~ew Hppre.'C~ f1li.(jI~. er Ihe ~~plS en the j1alh to yeur goa".. I

7. "~W.l'leci~t'C d~e G'0:<11. As YOllil Loqk ahe:arl to your ~oal. 1'<1.)[ au'~I1!H;;:I!V~ ~'how w[i:ru:l~nful~y ~ ~tt1I:llc:tive tbm goaJ, is. II you wwnl If' ~,w;)pmm'~li[m:: ~o mak',e~ha~ !!iO<l~ even more 'eQ,i'IIlpe,lHimol'lin:.,~ ! ,S:[~'m~ti\,lC:. the~gO!lheiltl_ Thl!1fi rst tim.e you do t~1!,~Sp!l(]cesJ!, [hem may be, gaps., Us ttaUy <l gall' shows whe:..re ,Ytlun.eed to gfiJ~h:evm,ore~lTII$'[Ytm~ltioJ]]ffrom. SQ~ne '~)[LHside source----oltmob, friends,
COinSU~W[fftS-Ulefl~lb[e: yQi~~~)

~t the .1!ast. N [!\<\' tfut;n a!"l)lJJl1d and lcmk :umu YtDlut lPa."LN('I[ice ;S'oi!l\t!. itfiG; JIa!tbiW'ay th<1~ ,gpt }'U'Uf:t1,.':il!. See l ~Y;Ol!!' ]D'l!I,~~Ibm ., earlier you" re:adi:~:.gtllIi.s ~ll!O!1~eriil]~ack the¢. baJ:;1K ' then, See that pe:rsell aad nmke tile pi1!llli from baek ~~e:re~o w(lnne YCl'l:! are !'iClW.
4. mulkBtll~1l: A l()n:g the Sii4coJ ~'h.e,Pafhnij,\a)I.. Now ~1ll1ilmntn:eb·e ( W<!)1 }'()tl<'tch~leVJflcl jlo,'ll.[ g01!.L Sn!',' sillm~)Side the p1litbW:<1iy~rrrJ beg11] wa1kinglJ,tle~. i~ tim;e.I.~ml;ingal time pl'lthwflY. YQ1JJI' wis'e and IJl1lEon:5JCi.~IJ~ mind ~OlJflshow YOlii pmi':; of-what y~l.'i, did 21J011" tI:!~\\,,,~"_yoJlll ~:Ft!il S.6~ iilnd h;~<l'l' wli3Jt ~Icclup 10 the ac'hjevgm~!TIt [he gl]Ol.j_ Mp.}1'tle ce;mta~~peoplehel.~. C\;rtaiiii pruti.fm.I:a, leam.in;gs, .and .relllI]LOlt'io~~ tQ~k plaof;'" Wmc.ll:, lJeail:, 3ilia ellj:oyw:hat OJ.di,l)~,~ made ~[ [)osslQ'le to 'ldil UC~'Ii'C g®al. Therears H~h ~~~I,ain step!! aDd a.tt~'(,J~,~ you c<lI1!ied O!;l~- Njl.~yljE II. fe;w show 'up "'6[1' n1:rn;~ ck:~~ly. Ma;yooYCli!.t.Cilil'i ~ee almnstall of n;j~U!. ]f some of h 1s rl,l~, d~el1iyou m~;y :nec4 m orc ill,foUll atinn.

ac-

cOIFI~plis.h,d"I.Hp.ITt.lCl.il.hlrlKIDel}_ ~~so; go ~brougb ]~,3garun,l'hei:mpUJI'Mlllt: ~h'ingi.s(ha~ U'lCSCl; equ.~Ilce8 become y®ll!r: allrm']H,~l~C 8 m!enl!t<l&-sofhv;~!-e

programs t:l]rough Ie:petil~'[]IO.riJIe&efirl:>l f\7i{Q exercises need ,to he..Hke <I NAS.A P:m]:e;cu;"ll~a~~arg~11e!'![ S(5vtwfiJre frogtflm ~[I your brain .. Ttn!f:3' C~f! be perrQnm~d ,ev~ry murnin.g ot <I[iY otfuer time yr;lJ,I wantruQ u~e;
t1];~f[i[l.

Or

By trOllJe:U:rllig back '.'lI]o,Fnlglhe I~[,<)[ft1!w~i;ym~) !lJcme'll'ing t[j:3Jtgo1'l:l. :y~hl:r wiS'e ~nd uncOnJldOl:!5 ltd [ulli has reve.:Hed .impod~nt. ,1Isped:s of how you will a.cb:ie:ve: ;i[)I[lf gpa~. T9fw~.,iLl\te:r !If;ij]1.e ,}~CI!11 YndeJBI~a'[tdlng 0:[ m!eseql!:Jl~I]ICe ~ueps.~ttl~g your path'!;'i.I<iJ)' roacbleve your gOIi;l]! llQ]' l1u.1 of lin],e;., n: is ~mp©:mrll~ wo;dkJolwar1d (J[j~he p<lt~l ~:omeWlilai~yre'hearS'~ m these .'I~t:i.\I'.i.lies ffi.~seque.nce in whkJ:1 you in .perfooo '~he[rn,

wm

:5, J\!.o.(!(N! 8,p.e.c·iJic 51~~

Qll r~'!e .P(.I,'ll!lwall. As, }I'ott ],oQkm the p~tIlM!1!Y,y,m~.tU I:l~Hoe l1l;l<WY'Pa: inc ,~.teps.Ask yo~neU, ,. Hw.v ~ dj;cI ~ '~iF~lJig<!hlo~u n~y .<t~i lilies a:JJd set in th~ wuiJ~ 10 gt.tt.O the [place iJf this go<i!f,o; rU!1~. adlicvemeJ1lt:" . Sec tmd :~1Leartilile' ~DY:!CCS', 'the abi.~~ll,es,I:ffiieJc:tilO'Ul,~.almd the eoatac ~ WlI.n, ~opl:e. all those d i'if!;':[C1'II ¢It.ii:1Ie:nts that led. stepby-step. t~w<lj\d)'1[}i!i II~G~~. T like your time. D(;lli~h~in seeing w.hat. you. di.~ ~o aC:Iia]eve y,a~ir goal, Noticew.~lu h1l1ppen"d !lf~¢II&la:l one !!:~li9J:l, S-ee, lhe m.::my att,lon s, It~,le:rle::w resources, the [leW .iIbili:, ~ies,as ther h<lppen. A"" )''tnl ®ee those S'tep~, see ~lOIW is par! of .~t

J. A:I1sr~metJ~~'R~]l(!,.SllI.}!,·' ~I'l myro:leOiis ,I !1'.e:It . , :~ Wf1[nl 1'0 f1[J~,~.~i filJY"e~j;!~'~l. V:l!~Il~S ill ,~di(iJl." Look out i~ dine at: your ~OiId fur th.~s~ir))l,~,'~~ 'the !:o.::JJL 1. If'iIlilk ~l~(JP,ath, s~ [Jb.e pmh you'U tSi~e to make your gD.ai ha~iP:efl. Wll~ k i<I_h~a:d I~meat <I" I"d't.e9r s~eed j u;st fast el1m~gh.to ]!'l
tapi£Lly rehew..ll~!n~'S(;r.]U(l!1i~(i. of evenrs
whcl'li['s
'0'1:1

your POIII'b,_

J. h'Beafli!.'jYfJ'rM'MJf llitu::k. WhoI'! you re.a-ch

¥,O/lll,[

lmf-(hldmg[jl~sslon:.

U<Ivillg waM<:ed ,jmiig:side.

thal

pa:thwa:y.

YOlH gO<l1. notice, ~QmpletGr,L Th!';mI fe~um ,to YOl.!IlCUrrent t·krr6.-

136

i\ 1.1-1:

I:l.VI N G

" 10 U Il

Gil

ALS

137

At thi point, you na I; cIJeated ynur compelling ftlt'll . fo Ill! e'flti~i role, you have u:aveled in time to visit '!hat goal, veu've $eell ~bfil'Path YOll need to gel there, a:11 you' ve rehean eli thai p[. n d to Wa!ilu. "nte iniLag~:n:i!u:ionis en ailnal iIlg pow'~:r! - ow It's tim M ,ac[---'to "make it so,' ~s CaJp:tain J:e:;u'l~l:uc 'Pi.~'a]"d0:( Stail'" Trek Sll.~'s. Action needs hl bl'nrn.g from that ]magi rration of YOi]i1>. If you aft; l~ be '-I vis i!o'naF)i achievo' n the thal1. an idle dreamer, there is one more tep to take,
il:

between just havDng <I. dl1M:m <lncl 'ilcmg a dIIiscii::s 'Uris,: N ol 111.111 dreamers achieve. but aUachiev£!rs are o.lle'1:H.meli'.!i1. T.ney energize ~hej:rdreams wiU~ tJ(:·lior1" Happiness t.'O]';L,1!!;'!!, to thme w no dream dream s and do precisely what ittakes to ma1k:e'lheir dreams come nue. Someirnportant eonccptswe've explored and 'e'xpe,rie'nl;;ed. inthis ch ·pttcr Include:

The difference

pli ne.d achiever

M iSol:ion'-(lis,,"ur!/.e:ring the purpolse for yom hfe Ro/',f!S-Ule multiple ident:itie Y.I U ,... ~ ume mf;ullUl _YOI,U rn] ]011 Vab.i'es-w~at is impOFlant to you, .. d {;.11QYofJl by your emotional

t. A~'~'ign: .R_·le,ali:di:c Cl'nllpfc,ri~r~lJoI~, Boow~e W.n:mgl'l ym:r, d, cakndar ami 'l';wite I~)Q:Y.'"I] au esti mated. c~l~bt:lltinii1 ,a,ale on w.bicll the ~o81will be aiChiev.ed,
,2. S,d7.'eilu;le Y{}rU' S:tep.f. filld aline' really g:l"eal tlmss-i» :limn 'cbedwe 1,0 ,d!o uen (if the action steps on your pathway thatleads 1:0your good,Writt.: d.OIWl!I the ti.tIl.~S in • 0lW: c~llelild!ru:.
J..{(,fe-p' an ,Ey.e Qll' f~,Jtr'j''',i~ 'jun, . oti~e nolW 'Ihat yOW' mission is always in t.fr:ehackgrorkilld ,of )'i:ll,lItmrnl~ s eye, It ha . a ' I:ml'lg

reOllCl~]oll~o how

y,bU penlO!,1;I"I

)i'o.ur role

Gool ~-¢lI'J.e: is'Pelctfic N!~,lJ:l1u, Y~LlI w~r~t ~~ erder tQ Uv,c: yournJrles in £1.11:1 extfaoTdinil["j' '\,V'aI)',COl) is~nl w ith your mis 'ion and Olhr
values

R member ,that using the steps of the 00111 Acl:l'ievemem Fmc" I'lelpc you fl1]fiU yO~M], mission:
'I' 'I'
t,
II

ami "OIIl~Uill'lg feeli]ig ·of pUIr]XlSt: 'th:a:1 energizes you. dm~..'ilJg yau forward. EnJoy l:mWillg thjs 'I,'~isioiilof ymu 1'Or.1le iIl'Ldir YO,Ufgoal 8l1ild how )'10011 at'l! gO-lnlig to <L~hi~v~ I:n6:m. YO'l!l can appll~ci<J/1le your vision from m.mlll'[;mims gf \'i~w. You. can see tt From '~.h.e'pie flIt. aadthe fmllre.and. t.herep: ),01.!'r_ Iraking, You can ~CI W the future a.udllook backWll1l see. how YUl!I. got there, AUldyou coo also move alnrgside thai :~thway 1I d sec wl1~~ did from, an ·01>YQU server's poilu of view. 4. D.u It'. ~ 9W. when 'th.at moment arrlves on j'tllif I.~alclldar. do each step YOIill.'ve planned, k!l1owillg that you are on your p.~I.liw!'rY to your s:!:Jitu:ld fn:lltlil:e w.hile at the SLl,me rirne [In:l}(}~i1iDl;l a. 'ru~ i~g mIinSornd h:ll:! pfC;~t:ru, It' S ri.rn~e,to act. wiiliili,c :ft!i I 0rllI:rrnnl ~me:mJ'l of
~heresll~rct~ of themost i:nteil1.g.elll. resourceful creatotil'.! in [~e kaown Uirii.'I'~i'" l:-a. lIM al'l3n'abel ng; YOU.

Designililg aWell-Pormed 0.0>6.1] CreatiJjt_g a Compel~iR,g fnwre .O~'velopi ng a Plan ~:l apid Rehearsal
taking A.ctt01"l

.'

:>5 you use these {!roced1!llre 0 er nd over again, yortlr mission and p:i!lfti_uhrrgoal " Recti :1l_ry to a biev it ..viII dev lop in a hi.gh1}· OlcC'e:ienned mareAs '10 you are 'Ili:ilfolds ~n this set efeole [denl-i:t"i,es, your deep r-eeling 'of purpose wUJ int.eInsuJy, hltenIlIHy. ),ou can hear the sOYfid,& and know '~beprillil;C'i pies dUlt g~.udeyou. DO [hi~ ~uiss.iO!1. You can feel U1.~:J\$enner s~g[a als ef purposeand impmi;1I']f:!oe" YOU r deep i value • as they wen lip inside of you,
the

WI'] n your

gOO]:;;,

are illummaied by the greater

pUll'jlO

e of yo~r

L Ufe's mission, U~e:y lake ~~] s,pelci al meaning; YOJ!]Inave ,e:I'IIergyl:w

them because :they atiehoth 'l'i:Jna~dimrifJrtru]'~,. Mj~~8]On-~~&~{I~oals' eeme fram w~o youare. n~ey aN: [lot:,U USl of things to do, They emer:g;e n~nL~,~nyIS'you pursue ynuf ~'<J.]!>'Ies < and ~(]ln mi",8~6[1, U ke YOlI]' heroes and he.tCi1i.n!.':s",you {f.el ><I. sP!'lda] ((ild~l]\g off .cnI1Lgrui~'I'K:e wbern aeti vel:y pl:tflliuing the wdles,tom'ts en YOlHr missilJIll. ,Ul~ landrillllik-s on your jouf'rlJey U:lIDlI.!gilTh bf~"

CHAPTER

SIX

Creating Rapport and Strong Relationships

'e,1>\1iIg~enuion t'Os~y

-~· .~'~~luit:~v{~i Most. su~cessN~prof~KS~Q!~,&!,S: y

lh<J!JtgtiheJ[

kliWW

Hlf:impeir~[l.tLCe

peop~r@·pl,ay

r~al

~.fu:e[rives ~Ild t: aseers. It would ,b~ no l peOple~l[e the mast valuable resotl.roe '~fu!it
1111

we ,~\i'~ i]a,:i!te. S~l!ilcerehtN()llsh]p~ are sq cenjral <li~dstnce the-most suo(Ce,~sfUl] pll[Df~:ssuo~[J,1. inany fi.eld bui ld sH'ong .1J]];cl 11lst in~ retaS ~~nrlsh~~)s, U is i~11l!pm.1l<l]ilrl toknow haw tlline~' coomp]is.b a l[o'l':i~S. Ma~y !>e.]f-9!evel.~prJ'itenJ( :rrl'ain~ng ptogr.1ims .~Ue"lnp~ add [~sS' lO' [hi'll lS~~le b!Y' ijeS<C'I'ibing :S~Qc.d:du~u[U:!,i.V'.idl]lIls.,. S,OliJ]:e .of t~:e[)euer ol],esgo so t~.~ mte II Y'~'14whM to do. A[JI}"On'l!: w:~o h,ili£u:ie~1 to learn a [DeW ph!i!s:k<l]1 flcl~vhy-a sport ,for ex.amp]'fl----"k:1l0WS, the rwbLemw itil dl~$. His ~ne ti'l]J1g w bow wh'(u to d(:l~ it i,s qruhfl il!ll~rhelr 'to know hml'~O dQ it" Other... Veli yOI;l. \1!,i!~11.U ,~Of [ do, If you've tried~G hil a, ,g~~.fb:S!U, som~ollerI~ligh[.l1iav'einsU"~l:ded you b:) aveid p~srung· \!;rj t~,10l!!lr~@llow inrg h and, Th Ol.n·s what ~]ot to. do. [3ve!l"yon!ll who: has ever playe>d I!t0]f ean plffiba:b~y tell y~m that W~~U ~.9'($(i is more useful; "Lea.dwJth th~ fQ'I'w:a~ hand, ,,~However, Vle:l"y . t:ew p~cpr~ C,;)!ll reU you rw.'i' m -acUl,ally dothat S'oeemu[lgly simple im;U't!c'li~ln. U y,[lU: wftt'lltlorylly ~rn.tegro'3i(e ;aFlrY .set of ski.Uisinw yOiUJ~ Ufe, Y,(J.u ~d toknew b©rh wiJ'O"t [0 do and how h":ldo it,. YOl! alee abQln ~G' !e8![lliL80li!iiii~O.f the s.p~ci{!1J~s,tlre ~""how fos" th,u: ~~n m~~.e you the must successful persmn you carl be" .Rle;s~h has demons lra:~ed[l~al 8 31:pefC~l:1Il of 11.11 lea tire based sa

.L

l4.~

upon Jt]lC custemer Tilting l:he sa~.es,p~rson" St:l\'ld,i,e.l1how .~ pc()pl e s hll!:t 09Ire more airH to st:ayi!l jo.bs w~1erel!~ey feel .1i.ket!, and 3J!)preci.a:l'ed I~hf![l'in wOlk whe,~e~hey':rnigMbe p.ro~ mere. Fam.olls !iilchieven like Leelacoecaa I'ld M~U'y' Kay kJfIlOW d~'~~~JlJpof;!:<J!~;ce reh:rliqrusbip~_. o[ h~iOOCC~ onen d~:scl~~~ed a;s ,n!pen a.ndim:mtxlh~It~. Hie makes perIs,
'SOIHII cOInt:1!.(t ..and he is t~ed and trusted, PeO'~de fee'] good b~~.l"lg ~ro~f1d him. K.ay's Jt[-e:nnelldo~ 1i!la,CreMiis 'di.r.,ecdyai~;;l~ula[lle ~iO her primsry b~sj!less, wnce;!'f!-peop!e. Ask her a[;OJl]ll maLliag~mentand y(j~ j]1 hear ~b(lI]l he!' people, Sh~· s,aY5: • 'Ttet(l ethers tht:

M~ry

W~~l~O be [:rearred-Gl'D, and off the job. t.~te:n elosely ltD eeneerus .md 'sfuiow that yQ!,I '!i~~l]errhem,.··NlF[e~ea:r,en I-n (IS '~hown tl1J!J;l m~my h[~h ~C'hjevirK d:e'velup liMng and ~lppl-ec ialhJ;n ve[)' rapid I.y. Tta.ey nallUfal~.y!~:ta~e' ifef.lp!e~ed. ,~OlCl]~ed1i.b:~e an)[Jjl]:d U:remand deliiilonMj[;l'!m !!I co!]'e~m f~r g[hers' ·v;all;il'e's.,'['hase who are marg]]'lJa[]y Su!CDe.s:s:f~~ or u~s!;lct;JessfuF lypiio'~.]!y lack these {llbiHtiJeiS. Ml.1irlli)i 3J~lproaclli1;es ~Q> sates ~!!l.id N!J1!i!:!'I<lgemem ce,mmftU'liellitiou (ra~nkil;@[\~ogllj.ze:the [wpOWlirtCe of r,~~po:t1:, hey O~t:el] sug~;e$tl T 1t:n.1Ilti'u:e\1i,i<1y to esm:bHs~ rap:pofl ~s.milt:ch~!].g U're:e!ot"l1:es, er th~ life ,ex,pe1:lenee of jhe ,o.~j]er~~ngli11, [f th~ otWitJe:rpemon lite'S ·~<l:s.t~ S~. ball, y,~)lJl j!~iG Wke b~se.bS!]I.WE~. This appro,Jch win wcmk S'~Jl'l;l('! oJ U

"'l,~ia:y©u y
l

oth~rs

As a bllsi:l1!ess~n)r:essi®nl!iL~il' s t!·seffuI. 1[:0 H:8K'~.heqll,ilJfL'luio>!]: •• Wh.!lt ~;nl:s:i]lCs.$, m I in?" $(lme Pi(:0lih:: lOOl~, lilfiT i.f Itfue1i'!;iIeUth!l1gS,~ lhey a Wie~n tiTheb~W1sine·s.~ ~:~Uil;tg. hey aren' It" T.hey{}lrl! in 'rhe besiness ,pf T of bU!~Jdjf:lg re]<liti:olTIlship.s-. -becaase thal'~ how )'o~usell things. Those Uri!menagement are <1]1>0 :ul:1Iilie business, of buikl.i~g rlel!l:[i~nship8, bec;&-w;;e tffil,~d '5 1'll9\1\:! y,o~ g~t Uiti[l,§S ~Qli!i:e. The mqs[ ~,utoe~.sflll ~9rpo;r8lt:lQm ;(~S \!,~~U as.me i1il~iv]dll<l.ll!ii in them)1 kn:lJOWllieimpprtfln..ce pfma!kil1!!j t]]ilS. dislul](\l[k)I!l. McDo(I8i]d's sel'l:sf<t'S~ f(}o~., ~~@'l/liI'evel. iIlle;[r business i;1O cle'vel9p;ing reJa,t iJ!][f![ships lhn:ulIgb the value D'f~i~ir p~{lductand th.e enle;m.:jnU'1ent VIlIWe ptf e.tl:uIilga:rr ,theiT i:'e.5taI!:lJITlms. IBM s~iU~ ton\llp~u(?r~, b~t tb~k dQrn~~ai~ tion of nue; Ina:~.klelfOl.fdesades was due t~, HueIq~alHy of their sewi.~;e rdorte]m],~h ips willth eusecmers. ID:n blls:ine~s. JJlll:!lage:ftl~.l1t,maJl)1 pE1<p~ UlflI ~1I1i:l!!isdM~ bo,@'ks focus '(#'"U:i cus;tom~!:~~;s!lti;C\I!m';srup~. A,smi.s new fm::IIJl!\ has ,c~cl!lt:ed success .for o:rg",l'iLiZ<l:~iuflS, successful im:djv~dlJ~1l'!l have lear.fled.~h~ value of re:r.tti~l[i.shiiffilS inwhatevermey do.

There . f11'~ three steps in

do b~,buUd Ird3![iQl1!.liilips: 1,

'1i'!I'hl1l

the most successful

prl(].ws;sio!Eli;.1~.s

the time, H~t some pe:@ple(wlIi'lbuUd~t~'Qng·reJlI,til(m.S1h'ips even w:b;el1fl

t~e.reiSil'~,Ilnymum~] intewst S~I~~~ a~~I~s'€!)j1l] I. We use lfte wQm (fdalifmshipJ :'iIDJsteaflof' mp;PQl't fora 1'6'IEm1, R<:rp.po:n]~ only one :i,mpoftanl OiiSpect .of every !\elati@]:!~hip' . .Becatl~e es;mb.1 i.sh:ing aJldltl:a~]!JJt<'ll]nir1g r~ppo:l."~ is so valll",hl'f:. you need to. ream :seV(:Elij] '>va:5IS fOil' y()~~j]> do lb:at su.coes.sfJ):l]Jy. R ~.gh~ now if s

Oe;rennlfle nlil!tU.fll.ly .2S~t]sfy~,I:ii.g gCXI!:S. Es:tabl ish a:li1.~rnainta]]'J. [lo[Uvel'ibal l'a]Y~'()fil" :3 , Pr~dlU!ce.~osjU ve f~'.Ii.f:lg,siilTil. mhern,
:.2 ,

P<lpi.dar I~O,[each techniques ~Q1t'J.p':port-]n fad ,. iFJ:siafltrnp;lJi;)rf'is ooe: pWluise cf some. Bowever.mosr reM~tlo:n:sl1il~s t.QiS~ com"d~r.aM.y .~ol]ger[hanll thas. Un'lreMj yO[lplall~o ll1llarra:ge 0:1"sell 10 new a!1!d d~J[m1l':J'l[p6Clpie .tIn llfue time, unless your b'~s~li.essdm~.sl1l·1 wam and value te6emd 5~~hen y~1[I need t~ CDdsiider whal '~]anpeflS in your rda.bol1fShip'" {'Iver hn'le. SuclCeiilsfUJ people h2lili.l'e theabHUy l© deVlelo[p [~]aJ~.ioli1i:shipiS ·~.hm last,

,][he ~]rst ~tciP in bUi],d.i:ng s.m:;c~sfu~lf\f;:l~Jio;I:lsbip~ of .~rtliy kind; yom- gf@]: f~(1" Ilru~ reJati'~ft5bip. v!"ha[ J,;i IJd o:ffl:ela ti'®EJJship' (tQ y(~'1]. 'wm]l? Too often, people have [1(,) idea wh;il~tl1.ey want ardati.onship. Which ICiil.'\t~ il VU[lltll-aibk: ~iJ vital ndsu!ldr:fSj:afl:d~lillg:s~u¥d .s [J]~ssed Oppc)I'i[;l,m it]Ii;S. 1~~[[!k o:f )lnuil flis,l job ]]i]leirview. You wereprob~bly to!1JHy cencerned O'JibOi~.u [he job, Ycm '1~~o·l;)I.ght. ill'ta.~ only goal of Ihll,t (he .rneetiug was t~ get tb:e jo~., 'Yom: prim!u'Y goal in lI1;a:!f]ljoe~1I'lg W'1I1; 'a~*~aUy lOI gel. toe :i n!1f;[viewe[ ~Q like: jtl)t!. . .01 all:he very JCiJJst [for
1

L
hir~Of h~r!l0~de!]tw:fy off tlIenM,~gthe J9'b. how YOl!l.would he an asset ~~}]'~'h~t, Olnpany, ' C By a:ehi~vhllg~Jnu gGml., you wo~kl ]-mve had a! !]liliChbe;(~er cha[\{'e

!EXE"R!CIS:~ MAKING Y-EDOI~LEIP'A:Rl'Ofllf[)UR 22;

'GOA1LS

Qne ~lireessful c%lrmmer,Qial, real le..s't'l~.e de:vdoper Uf'i~e:rill'tand:s tills 'I~iiflo]p]e weH _ W;~eneY,~r sne meets wUilnJ\'l,O!,1l'n!elOne for the lIl!,~t . ~l'm~ to d.e~!eITn:ine if ~hey m'll~g;ht:w,o:r,k ~Iog.e~.her a project.s,he ha,~, e~'Dt a V\ery ¢'e:fi.nite g!yal inr :rll'indi. She gP~ ]:lThto 1~~1emeetilTg :p~a:.nrd]l,Lg to bll ild faJPpQ[fiI,It'l [~dp the perslon have 11. pos~[i ve expelie[Q,ce of' her
<i]iJ;d

I. "~hotrs,~ d ('li;;w,l.r~tk SOlllilli ~i lie goli[ Wl<l!t j"C¥11! want to a.c'NlIevec. 'II:' eu can pi.ek: Q.~e~l'Iat you aze a~ru:adi' 0am ili,a~wiith or 1 Ulike. ~e time. itG'['hiilllk ora new oae. ~me:.i~her case, remem::be:i to
use fht GGtal A.c~:ie\'-ern;f,;:lllP{!~ll~' :that Y(DI:!'ieOllJ'ned a~Olllt ~[I C~.a,P'" ter F.. mn.

80 aJg're.e Ii() a~Gtherme_e:[~~g. ,By.i~.diHg [i:I,a~io!Isbips tfua:!: CODlt!ribl,lle t.oyou~ ~lIlIoce:Sal' means b~e_Cimll1_g,aware pf ~Ollr gQ'<ill'l ~elr '~fue \!'~!l""(Uj~e[a.[~ofl:sfuips ]]iJJ y,ijtur r '~ife. ¥O~ lUIIY atr,eady fwve ~Jrg]l&y d,ev~!o<ped g~f!]~ h1'f jtOl]li ·]lrG. When yO!;! t'l'l]]!JJkQr those .go.ot~s"do yqu ~'~(:::ItlG;eh~pt@!p]ene(je,s\S,al}' t to <1:.c,lti.'eve ~he:g],'?rnfs g'reatruo IAiave certain (sBiles :C"!OIoa[s h~ "'"OUt mind. ~ .. .. ~ fOF !ex3iffiitlJlpk. HOW1ev~r. whe~ ;;rcfl1U,I'hrfl!k al'loililll ~hes.e goi1l;~~,i,f y~~see 01TIiJ~y M~ :i~ro(hlJ!cts se:;vkes you w.in seU, yi()~ .~lie!ifvirl:g out er
,~

2:. Ide"d/y

,~lJeGo(J~ Image'.

Nerice how
,Me

'YOIll

represem th~s g{)~.l1l ifl'

aware of as yOIJi

}'~lJ!rnm'im'!d: S e1Jte.Wfl'a at pic~lI[lies

YOY. bect:l.mirng

li1u:i:ktrf ~li~s!o~.I'1 WlhO'!l StYU!'l~S do yu~ he<:!ra!l~wh.d d,o YOIl!~ay 10 Y!i)I:I![se]f" ym,JI tb;ink about t~l1i:s gllial l' Whm f:tle~ii:ig£lt1(~ j"oo ,IS
hfl!.v,~ h~fll)ltiU lhid W oli' misgoiill,? ' .

~®met'Mng ~Ilcil] mO:~ il'r~:portant\.Wh~n some peop]e il'Jrnt Df J~Jreir ~O~I'~S. l!:Irey .arer:igln hiL'fm!ll~ {l~~h.e;m ~n tlleir mln:ld"s ¢~'e wbiJ]e the Voop~e who:s~ IThdp!!h~y need b1 <li~Ci~mp~~!;h '~.he]rg©~~!\'aee mllch fllr~Mr aw~y, as ~f!h~ydidn-'~ 1:n:Ii.1l~J~.er !IlllIJC~.. 'Tlh:af p. !lot~18efU!l very rn.rmasters offehl:~~orrJ!shi I~ke, L~t IaQmJC&1 ,or Mary K~y eeaif'S 's!c.i!o~s~YY'"m!lde;r'Stood lhfk own U\I~[iJ;kJng,they w01l ld ~enyQi] l~e if secret, l'h©YWCM,d:d tel I,~IQtI to 'HaM: peopl:e dose" and ITlQ[1e v~vid 1m yi~~llIir'ilThind"~ eye~ be>Cm:~&'e'Y0i~~'r:e~~t~Dr:I:sh~ps ith t:hepl~e l w in y~Ylllir worM .-ake· adh~ev~~g your gOl1l]s Ipo.s:srn:~e. Haf'!.~ey M.aday, Ol.'lJth@:r the best-sellieg book Swim with flit of !':"~'Pks WUJr,O!Ji\t .Be(~g Ear~~w Alive aad sc~g:(;e;$'u]i~e:rlde>r.~.fa 1:3!Fgje co~C!'r.ath)!n, knows the val~e of rehH~(msfui~p.s, I:!'n !ct:lSh:lmer'S .. He W
became lliege;~dll!llY the fie[d '(lif sales f©iI: his '~i011L%~nitliiiJm.i(l.[It, U)! inUlIUd,in u:~gre~3iHo;l'J,~hip8 ;pmendal blljters of his '<:OIiliLp~~ila.y' s office ptlodiwh~ uc ~s. He ~rai n:s~:Upf tub SJa~e8:p:eo,p]e find OU[ ab(un their 'C·I!]!\l.Ol1lli.ers 'lQ in deMI.U. TI~!ey ~reinsu1Jcted to lieanla:b'01iJJt!)~xlJh'5 i.~asp~t?l Qfthe~r c!~.sloltiLe:l':s· 1,:le'mQ[la.1 and proEesll.i.cIDI3J. I ive!!~ ·such lhi.[!gs ~swher16 ~h.ey v:a(l;.ltie~, wbat nu;}' dofm fun, wha~ !ll'E1mtie§~ Ultenl per~on~ w whlIU they vallie ingQod relami®iUils whh ©])!!:t~ude '5.i.1,Ie;sp~op~:e, etc:.. Th~y <lil!e lrn~~ecl to se;nid ";,~ms" ~~haJ~~.-you'DJO;tes, a:jjJdi nforJ.oq.a.ti![D]U1 I that m]:glu l!lite['est or edl:!C~le tilllliem. M~cl:;~y kndiW}l. [halt not. aU of

the people who Ha!Y'~ Vl~~ inw d~dtld! fhemlls part ~jj'll~.e pi.c~llves, and ~m:Ulds·311:1(1. fe~li~g~ "iUJYO:t.!f !W!tld>i]! l~Y.1UW n{l'~i!'!c]~d!ed hl Y0li!!f repre.&el'1t<aJIOH 01 tihe goa ~. [f p'1lI~ ,~~elYJ,l~e.re. ith WI'lO'~l'l do. YflrU, w,antan([ 1l(,)(,\G1[~!a~io]l1lib:ijJs~() W a~l:I~ev: tilil]Si gQil!i[? M.like .. I!I re ~hm YOIl ha.ve ~p:pl1opria~ei:f]f!~geiS S and! V;(M,oe~or thr:::~~p#'(lp!¢ in yG'!JJr [ep'reselJJtalimII. in1;J;s;~:Fatlllig §J.e ~ ~i'iI ~~.mthtlY will play i.nI I:t~~.p.iffil,g YOlill a~rnh:~~~ ymlF ,1~.tnllil4 .D,eji:f!t'! .1:1(;'1';.' .'P:e(jpl'eRl!$~Ii'(j to tlJ:e Gaat. Now ~(!~j~t;Ib1~; refhe illtiol'ls]u ip ~~twee~ the:re~,p:I.e ~Dd ~Ofl~ AaJi£~!he eople ill, tl~e .. p Foregrq:uii!d ofyp~.r iniagl\1o, ~r "j;~dliCy ~Iil the b~li"Quncl? A're~iu~ ~eoiple.m. cokwD:.:hl~k Srf:ldwhile'! Wl'laJtis ikiF siU Mmpl1md. ~~ wbaf ~~o1.l~(1 thelu2 'Y'QU [DT;~biHLbiy waiat the people 10 k d!ea[l~ a~d \i'~~d!I)''~11th~ f\lregl'Ol!i!~d as P'i1it0'f. ym~r:goalL, be'C;1U~~ it is [hi1Pi:jgl1yopliu" iL'el!1~;i.ofislhupto IJtesc Pr[}~lc t~w yu:1,I..md Uley win ~r.; ;1:b£e ~Q OiI£Jlie:ve}loIn 1.'t}$p~'C'tive.g(mis" Make a.djlJ!Stil1f:fiil:S i,n the way YO!.l, ~!e~!;~.~'f!t.{J'I,I~ gmd .so th~J yOWL~ Jiie]!Hi~.m$hirro.tlrLepeople is y @bvm~l sly mdts.f;1e n ~"bJ~ I~ . order f"CIr. YOI:IIto sill!ec~e,d Wl~~ y~)u:r gjo.al. '

J .. Il:rddc

(UJF lf~(r P~{Jpl'e, 1.r~'''''f'J$ved.. o""". trunk (lif N M.U P~,fl!Y II. nece;sslU'Y J!ifl:Fil.ill ,a(\hilY\li~,g t~~s.glJaL ,

me

;5• .Fr~l!.ure P,~~mJing,. hink T

of II lirn.e imi '[theflJ.~.l!lru"",hr;:n yO!]. willi be ou;'tl!J!:<'Ill1(; \1I.'OIlk:iilllJ£ o:natrn:s rm1ie ~]ai .l!:oal J!:..s, }'(Il!lre~lIJr~fl that

"ny,

SIUl!it~olll,i!i!~[cntim1i"lJythim!k ~h;e gl)l:!l ~he wa.)' yo!:!j:uM crea~ed i~:, emJilh~izi.ll,g time im,p<lt1:ooce oJ lhl'l pelJplc [iUlTd yO:iu:- llel(l!lij(]ji1l~ slltp§ w~th them. -

0"

]44
'his people
:g1~!~Jheri ~glc

L
t

14'"
abOut our go,als, for roladonsllip . "Is wllm I wa.1I1 as good for the milf.'rperson it L ~f m 1" If it isn'], then you need to change Y0,l,iJ" go 1 I!) in IJ:!d~ wh t will be beneficial to the other person, m[ld.hriiilua.lswho do not consider the lnterests of tfud:r f]'iend~,. a!SSIOCU-el'llIS, 0]" cusiome are less successful Ih all ihose who<do. !link of when and wher Ilhi \\'iU be u-··efUiI. II] what 'peci:lltc come 10.;, (I:!) ou W III the go~l? A very saece . ful residenl.i.al rea] estete salesman knew 'IV hat. he wamecll~or h i~customers and h imsel f.
l'

wUl d01lJi of ~hifs wi[h e.verj' prospece. However by of data, h1S sales force ha more op'ponuuities to budd .ign[ti,.~nl ~-:tationship". H!!!nIie)'Macka}" made hi. brdll,ess a sue(blltiOXlS:hips 0'1

cess b;.. lumlliing that

ke you ·ucc~s:sf[]JI.

date

Once y,oUJI've ~~aITIed an cffectw'I;',e waYlo <l!:.::hh;;V'i: oa•.~! Y01.l gI IldllJl:rrfbeeome oy,er[y fncused 01'1 ur goals .. We ,1111 know ho,\<\'i( feels to. h-[p,.ol]'l~one else g~l the.ir gual :atow' "·PCI1S.e. and we know it do sn "1 fee I good, .But 1:,)" the c6uu'iary, our re.'e~D'Chfound a very SI~.~~ b reOls(]ln~@cQI]~,ider'lhe: QliheJ person 'sgea Is:-it. mlllke

moee successful, Suocefu,l: lal:ge orcani~1l1i:l:li a.pply the Golden R.I.ii.I"[il'theircIlL· tomers file higl1ly respected S'l1a~egj~Plenn ~~!j)g ihl'~ 1m. ereated ~ng~ 8i.d~t.:! b:Ell:lecailed filMS" which d~U~lent~ the pj1l;r!]~.impaet. of:marksl
,'(;I£j;

tegy from ever three thousand bu il'IRI.e.'SS 'Unit ln all sectors o. lhioi 'C(~t'imu"", ll] w. ~ tremendous sourceofdatafe 1 husi[Je ~.managers, and is< referred to by ,P~lie'fS W ~~L'en'i'ian 'lhek books on eNceUel'H:1 and in business ]u-"dclkes" The P[MS dll'~atells us thaI ~t\o e oGimpantes nr[,ed in ~l1e~iOl'1!hirdif! pen;eived 'product qUfl;l~hy ,Iwhich mei:lf1S they ,think oflhejr c1J'$tom,ers"gO)<II'a their own) vernge a,returlll gil investment of 3,1) perce n~.,compacted to those: cm'1rlpanje .. ra~f!di 111[me. ~OiWC t t!'l;~~rl, w hlch had a 5 :p rcest return! The moral onR]e s'~ul}' i' [!hal In bl!!ines and in relntiulIl· hips .. SI.I(;"ess goes to those who th~!:Ik( their cus110m "uoals a if 'Ih~y '<Nrc: «heir own. huge arnou FI'[ of dala shows, [ite~mpgrt,rn:ce IOf Long-term ltl inki,[i),g hI by~ille:ss. The sllIl,esp(f on who ltl ink~ on Iy ,[);f tbe ~r:I.elC.t ~Ie will 00 milch less I:!cces'SftlJ in the :Iong run than the one \\I.bolook ifl~o his, Of her f~~ure, think4ng !lO( ubOl!~ Ilh~s Ojji)~ Ide, btu. of ['hfr Iype of re~al~on:\jihllpSthat \!,lUI lIIalmally k,a.d~IQ many olba~ I!l:f!Ies, r~l)elTals,ll,nd jjldd~~i,o!flalbusiness in the future. Wh nog' .<1:1'nv,olve other peop.le, you mu ueonsider the other i person's !p ,inT.of iew, '\V~'ve _Uleamed t~e OoJ!den Rule Ufmtd'Dl:n:~: the verslon heard in iii .rec~nn ' les meeting; I,~~e who hars I.n~ u rne ge.ld makes Un~rules" . and I~ope:'Ln at we will use i~ when we ddn_k;
flU:·

be '\!Wl'[ed '!,hel'!.']o be b1l.pPY with 'the~.r pu:ochliLse : bU'~he t 'the:~nIto 'think of him when Ihey happi1 ;hawed their friendstheirnew 'I:itln1!eJi.incase their friends were also irrterestedin buying Of ~eUing a home. He W<l1~ ':\ore:ry Iiherate i[I his GOmm:[lJi!I,i,~ de cationwith hi'S c!ientll to !ret ~1e.m ,!t;ll!~)\lI;,'that he w.al]tedrefenlll!>, One thing .he dwd was ltllre photogr1l!ph: of hi c:1.iems wj~h I!II~rge sncMile on their faces st<JrnCl:ing'GEl! fwnl nf tth~k !1~\ home , a. be handed them1, the keys, He sent them a coupl.e of !I!!.~ge,frnmed c9pies ,pf these p~holqg:ra~}h£ which: ofte:n at on [h~l: de ks in du:i1' homes f(H years 1'O eome.

Of course,

also

W.1.I11,e,(J

~i

EXERCISE !J; SEl''IING ltELATIDNSW.P

IGOALS

.1. " Deline .1"'o~/r el{U~;tJ~ISlup'. lrsr, [hD~.R:: II speei i]:c 1P'e~(l~. \-'lt~lh R of ",'hom you aire<!dly luI\' . it relaLio'l1 hip" or ["let oae you are jl.lt

gelLiwg to kn;9wWhl1~ lin y~l!:!.~'.ml in your r lati(}[ishiip with lms pe.rncm? Continue W focus. ,~~n PL::'fSOfil, because jlULll gOah. 'Wilh ~bi~ oilier pwple may be quifle different f110m y Uf goals \',;'ithY ll.rself.
IVofm.c'flIProc.cs • N~},'t,'lUI] 'this goal lhmlgh ~h~(lo!liJlA_ hi.e\'·cIDel1l Proce: 5 )'011] amed ,3'1 the end f Chapt r H)H!i" Notice :how tbls equenee repeat [the ili!ll[JOrt~j]t dlem.~nt~ that YOIl alr,end), leerned, ]f you "Yam sfieclfic success, \I'OUnee(lj 2 • .us Ihe OQaIA,c/loi
10,

meet '~he :1'1" c.ondi,rirms bdow Ior a w Il-tonned "o~1.

-' .. llt,t>/!l'miW! f,ow' C,{)'l,diiil~ri..~. A.

W,rm'. What 1I.ol'Ol,l WCMI1l fur lhi: rclalio(l:ship:' "Vhat isitl' goal'! !link JboDll t wbat Y6U want itn posl G.iveler.iiilS,. Remernber 10, make YQurg'~lIl a dr; YI...ant, "nher than II don': w,ant ·']\!;'iL]Jt a
I

IIJjlItol[;rd

Wi;ilree ,of

eeferrals'

er

'·1 ycu

'want a

&pl;lcia1 'fr.ie~ld"
[,(} he

(fl(J\[ • 'rn.diO:n'~:

\~m:n;l to 11Liil ~n,eol)~, 1;1111," or' 'I deu' ~ \II~;mt \<C

fj'.

aloae'

"

Action,~. 'w~m

.tim

,ao ~o make
ls

llilis gO!l~ happmf? If w!:IiI(

lhese five: IC!I)m;dholl s. l'hielilf, !1!~UU~ ~~aJt:iGl]'S~l~I~devlekn'js ~ remesnber i .~~k'eep Vl~ee gQ:!'Il~~]]U~e(orefn)'!lJ( of your mtmd h) http YQu and the s otller pe:rsolThge't \'II h~t bOilh 'Of Y'[)U want.

)'[)~' wamlt ~Jilla, r't')lalio~shi]l

som;etl1i'miM tnal :rcm caa't ~.Gf!'tJrol.

'then )'QlI '9~Ji!.~.a~i.ly beCQ;Lne"v~ry frustra.te~. :f'(Jw ex flOlple" niii OJ J.o:nffilj,~t, ~i~ce 'V~I] can't ~~llUmll [he mlle:r ~'~O(ifI, tlJt:l1e's. ,[10 rgi~! ho~i[lg Ih3il :~. Of ~,hJ!C: ill ~~IJ;)ve in .!I \Viii)' th a~: yo!:! lil':.e b~~ttr, !.v Instead, .aru5~Fu] gOlacl mi~n b~ rOlf you to stay l!C~tliUroer/Jj mtd[ cmim se ~~\m you canask g~)6K!. qruestiolllS., lht1ping,w ill.nd out wh~l ~rne m:her persea £",1I1:ty \\(flIIIl'S. This is !i,tH}M~~)Jng yOil,! b-;.lll comrol.

e. B d(leNcc. WI1~l {;\rid.eiil£e wi III~~ ~'t')u knew when y(~U, bav'e .re<lched~hi~ goa]? Whm will YO!ill.see. '~le"lif, JJ[Jildfed. ~h"lWiU~~t . ym.! !.;:!i'!ow thalt YP1.! a;~ ,1[ehk:vi.mli! ;,\"G!.!J[ gmil'" Be as ~'p~iliie asd [c~dis:ti,e as rlJsSlible.
.D. C.OIIWNt. Tl'iiruk of w~,el'f<;]jl];dI wtuei'Ji: tilrl,U$, 8[)~cdi~, Ct)r1lit:1U;S; do yoUi ~al1ll the g,OIlll?
~.

wm re

u~ehut ];n.~hi!.l

(."@l~$!i'qlii',t!'.i'iI:ceS'. [f y~!ll ~I,lcce;!>s[lli.ly llc~~~vc l~ is goa] iJ'I ~hi~ g;dtll;o11l.ship. w~;at ~ffect ~;rtl:npii!:c~ li.'ij'i.~~. ;[c[e1L.[e fuj;r you'! or at least equ~l~;[I:~;POrl:llifIGe. W~1<J1,t impac:t wll I it: Jcrliln~ ~~ovth,e ,(JiIDer ~e;rli>U'W! yOll concslcl'ef dIe effects of grg;Wva:g your gow I:"otthus '? As m~!ldm1sl!i.iI~.Wh;l;l;~ do yOIl expeet l'ilG iU[I:R:aGl W be it'illm~d~i\llie~ "I''! wtillElit ~e~~~UNwi~1 you CQ:I:I~]1'!1lC wam i:n S]x, 1Ti!(~:nthliora y'eaa:? !t~ Whllt 1i!:lm:ueven ~o!],ger 'thil1:l th~t? Make ,any 2tdjrnt luellts th~t
o

flHly

!be.

IlleCeStfa1iY.

Now ]e:f'.s o01hlsidel a SJJ],llplLe a,ncl!e:mectjve li"i,lOilyrCiir YOiU. to ([el;l\elaip re~;fI.l:i!@~~sW I)lsth:~~lt C<lI]. ro.a:jk'g you evenmore successful. Wl-itJJ:e\l'~:iyou lhtl1'k: ~h{llUlt. ~tlly re]~l[Rbnil~llipij"iJ:!!t C:{l~,r~ be imp[lIt~w'1 to yQ!1 .• ,[Ins:w,~r these Q'lm:es:ticlIl::;. Fi:rsr~What do .~.W3I11t in this .l1e'I.ll:[]o.llshi, lba[ ~s'p0s]Hve? S~co:nd: Wt~~u: esn [ ~:o Ito mak.:e U1is h<lnpe:[fJ?T~Th'~rd~ h<~[wiU I see :o~"htiar 0][ feel r,hal\!i~.U hl~,me b(lw W ~h21t[h~vead~i.e!'!,I'ed gCt&]?fp~h: When. where, wilhv.'ho.m, ~fI lhis wh«[ {:onLex~ do I W'<I!1;i,[ this gOlal? Fifth: W~.lllIS U1~exp6ctetl~mpial;t ClFgetting lm8 gO<l~I" ootbEl for meand rm: the other I:lJeQpl.'\l·i[liVGh~,oo.-s110rt-t.e"rm. 1.{!~g·-IDelln,lI[ld ,cve~lklngef~ Wt1eJiJevcJ y'~'1!l ttn.i[a:kalJo~n relaJi)Q~sb.ips. tJ)c,llte go"l:!i. (h:<l~ meet

try a vdd e"p~rilne[n LOdeIl10Iflsn'o'l![~he lmportanee ef mpPQrt t for YOUJ;sdf,. Th~l'IIk ora Icmnj'ni:~,J:~ka:ttio!] sJwailio!l tn your m~where yall were unsuccessful :at g~Umg wh:~uyou. w1l!:!!wd w~mfl]~J)therper~o~~-wh;elMrt wa$Cb~rnC'lerJiZied i by COIlm.C'[ orjum ffru:s;~:rn;~i@<l], Now ~.I1tfl of mo,tiher comOC1W.lnica:tion S'ltuar:iQ[lw~l~fey,@1.!I, didge[ ~ilI'l y(U:~ k w~tl!iteod-botk~ y©il!:liSI!m the othefpeFso~ were Slltl&fi~d...v~tl~rue result af Uw ~]l:lent;lipfl. Now 'CQmp$J'e:l~C: 'l\V:O~0lr tiliJ:epf'e5~~c:e [)jj' absence oha]]p .;n. Whe~ P~1l)!I]]~'nill a~e: ilil~ cornp\a_f]sonre:peat~cl]y • they find tll.al U1:~irc{~:l"I1ID~mea[joBis.l:l!QCCSSCSre '~h.\l1rnCIDeJiz~d byra;pp@fIl and a l~J!i~ fai[u_res[l}' a ~'8!ck f.1.rPPOH, J'1ppnn~s a [it[ndarn~'E'lita.[ prereq,@rf R ~~s]re t;~l";!.l!H ,e;tI~~uv,e'oomJnUmCallOIl. ~fyo\!. don' r halve Ii'iiilp[lOrlYD,1.!1 ~ sil.JtpLy wlU not be ,e;ff~cUve With r()d'ieJ'p~0,re. Rappru:il: ]8 Jl nannal hI.!man abiIi.ty. W ~ natural Iy I:r~ndrapport hI! ~ vara.ety of ways, \V1h~[j..('I, coup]e has been llJ~ellller for a l~J:flig tiwliec they o§k.(f] are dMerI~~¢ as bel ilga lot aLike, ,ruJ:dftl~Y actually ~gM1 hl Jook Il:U~e.,W]lOO YIOU oiJs,e:rve 5JQffi~(me who has iii mefl~t, ..~fe ~f she ma:y adopt the rr!l!e:nmor's ~;faH]'~d~:f C:~C1I~hjng<Ii~duse [lie Sflme' i p.rura~~sI1[]Jd~rOmeof voiee, BlJiSl:fie:SSpetOple;.,d[i~SSh) [DelOJ.lg~G·heir t oG~ota~e cnlmre. Fin:i[J.g in :19,0'1 ,(l,';v'etfl1J ]:uilll1'i<'~!rI ltee~.\V'e all h,[lve, m!lfiy ex;;]mp~les, f I[Jj.e~e behllv~.o[s, b~c<l!u:sewe dOl lh~ ru.ileJ.d::y., o Il1tiy all ~ITe :bas.oed 'C)i[fJ srOme60l",m of being s~mila:r .r~lnil]ili:l' ,Oi[ aili~e., :Fil:ld[ng1t'ii'<I~fS,~OI be alike reduteJ:i OUT cliff€![\eill!oe<ll .• and so, we f,U.Jm::l the mmlIl;UOi1 ~rollll;'d upon'\!vfukhlt'} Jitl~lS!e: 1 ld~~HiUrfiKlh~p. 1 Y (ill] !l<ljve been i]]n'E1:1?pa1il wi[fu~!JJlt thiR~d]ill&ab[m~ ]tb~111d~d:s I®f lillmese~'e'ry d<IY. And y,e:llherewe[~e "'~~Q ti mes whell)"olJl. w:e,"ed)~ll of [llpfwrt IfsimpCl:rhtllt to be able~.o ~'et!o'gni2'e W~~lell! y~o have Hi:ppon and when yO!1JI don '~., If yuu clon notk:e: li'.\~e~,uu'r~ nul ,()f [llPP[llr[, Y'D1!IWQlIli '[ be to d(l ~nytb ing ~bml[H. .HrOw do you know ~~e difference? Tn :fil.JlJd eut, try this experimel1lt the 'TIe.:x~~ime you get a ch ijlllae, Pick a ~~i~:I!lla:t]on nth a~,!".i.el1!.d w ot iI:'S:$}[)C~;sJJt.e where you aJre<t(iy h8ivlf: r'"'lPpon $lll(:i t~e £i~uJlJtiIO!~i~~

<I~*~

148 t;.as'llI<ll"'there isn't

l...

. _ ]Nfi

RA.PP'·

R_

.149

otuething n:'aUy imp rtaUI going '0' - yo!,), an~ jutvisH:jng. for e)!;mnpie:. Afl.er you are both taUdulJ aad the 0[1-\l(!- ~tin[l is lIIIo\1iug 1lljJlIg srnolhly.md you'r,e ualurallly In rappnrt .. , 'try the ~oUO:~'lling. Sil ii'! a poslm,e tl1ta'~ ]'5 \wet)t dit1f-eOOn!lt from t1:lml of lhe person y\OU ere with ,Y~l! could also ITy l1!l.dvmg in differcelJil
ways, or :speak~~g au a ve f}1 di:ffelielnt rate or V011il1~~M~ otice h()l'Jlt' th l-&, , olilUlJ'es 'the 1m.h"r1Jl!c:J!:iu:n. U will pw,bably become dlOiPPY· You.r

is justas true hll any bLl'·[tPs or per unat f~httioIlSb1 .. A all OFL who has been man-red fm- a whil f<I~.cob'nil's. I~ht rdati ship started wiIh--,ltnd, of course, hopefully still 11<1' lot· uf rappofL
Mma of tthe tir1'lflewe <.~~ preofer the COl:Rr{nrtl1!Jbl~. smooth :~ow of I cmlfll'!!1:u:n~cahon llmt os, based on rap;pmJ. JEveil :nn the best relll:~i:oIiL-

times when rOtppnlli~ I, [lind mtl t be: rlelJ1~:dl1,ed se rapport s, lUS Ito get: back that eammen ground t~o.ra ...
lIJe

"hip. however. there

frielitd Ina ' even ask you Whilt."S wrong. Notice wh~Jt happens to yOl.!f feelings. Tbat um Olli!ltOrtt"l:bl'e fe· ling is 3, igna[ IIh t ylYl.! are nO!: i,n rapport. The word ~mcum!orl'C1bte is the word a I.utof pe ,pie use
to describe b~w meybllow when they're HI _ f r8Ippo:rL Ju·t lake tbe 'l~nu,:In 1l0~e what you peri.,e'l:l~~ wben J~Q,uo!'!'{ hve. rappen. III d the fut~re, you e41~use that feeH»g as a stgn<ll 'molet ypu kl1uw when ytm ~eeij to do something te gl2'l IrsfIiP0rl. 111al.feeling 'C1I:m1he ymM "bi.of-Tappm'l, de:lecti!Cm t1bIM."l The gO<l)is. 'lei train ymu: elf te recog:l1li~ewben I[.h- alarm goes. off., and I~ben do ~QIl1~~n1,g II:ore:gai'n rappen. A uming ,th<~t you Sl1CC.essfIliU prnkGi rappmt w]d1 )'o~tr ..
I~

r 11I6ol1l>Mp-tlmt inundation ~ • YOll'!U do good business or to have . ll'oo~maITil!ge or to ;be good friends,

friend during tbe experiment. pleaset ke jhe time EOI rebulld it 'IIui,'ckly with nne of the techniqoe I:lbial foUQ\\'. Th;e:m aee rwe .differ sn W'ly~ 'to foink. about [apport, The: li~'st 'Wiav ~ to intelltionall:y bilild rapport whene .... you beg;in all htt,e;[er action w:i'tn . muoone· and yqIll V,f!l!'llt 'w cernmunicet llcce.ssfI;lUy. T~e second t'lJppIDacn 'is ~{I as-smYlie yoo :n~ve tap~M]n ,;!,Ilth someone 3,]md make sure tt;hialyou ha\i'e~'our )c:HJf-:rapP'[J:lit d.'e:IICC~iGn ,~<I'l"ln turned 'l!1!fP~o h~gh Ievel of sen'hitiv~ty Si~ that y()1Jl, 'Il notice if ra.pport. a i 10 !. :]1 can l~e helpful Ito use bOi[h .:Ji1ppfoa.d!ue . 'esIFciaHy'i:'li you first boom· dept ~l Il"aJpport • kiU . Wbichever ~pp:roach you fully master i!J st, b aware 'of thi . alue of the toss-of-rspporr at rm, For e tample, iJI, the' ale of ~'Iil, xpensive iT ~m Like a holUc til -rdatiun hip b~t\1,'\een the alespersou a!ll1d the bnver ottenlasis fOT lifillJ.'1Y weeks ~I even rnomhs, . Itln:wgh the :reiatiolflsbip m~y start ~'lilh b~gh levels of rnppOi'~, i~i' Ci!l~'l'IIUlHiI, for
l'apport to 'be lost before the clesing, paU'~ictdi1.l!l'1J1 whe['b, Ullexpit.lcted diJf~cuHiei!l Oblm.e tlJ'i. When tM happsas, 11 is crucial for t~],esalespel~on to be ,ab]e 'I! d teet t:hal nlpport is lost and knew how ~I(I 1'~buiJd It qukkl¥. If you OOI1I't. the CllISlmTIa Ofre£i goe ·om.ep]ace cLe.\l!,fbil~ ,m ex.ilJllp~efrom'atic s.o ub 'ous" the si:I'meC'O:l],CCflll

w]'~h semeone, yuu are at::ti.og dtffe:rent.ly tbJI~[hey are, ']~he 'way tjjfiega~1L:<Ipport ls [0 beco,oot:: mare imllar. The mnB't effectsve cnrmnunieat 1.011!pm fessionals g<l~J!1l I1!.PPQf[ by miitt;ch~ll:gnonverbal behavier, sometimescalled moil:C~mg mirroring,o'! pacin;;J' _I . or e}iiiLfIlpte" irf' you are in someone else's olfice and they ha e y u :iUina diJll~ctly opposite them. you an. till build, rappen. One 1,'\1<1)' l.o help hoth of YOll feel. more
mcrrl' r

\Vi!'hen y,pu

have

~,'appod

nmfcrtable is to mateh [he. ethe person's posture. As you sit w]th If • per~'n, notice how h or she is' iu:i:!i!!,g_and slow:ly Il'Je:gin t 'adjuS'l
YO[l!.tbo~ '/ to rna:tch his or her posture, Not;~oe the ,angle of U'Li. 11v~ry updgln? SUghHyj,e,a:l1ing tn ,a,nlt;'; i'j,i de [),r to [~M! front? Notice-if the: pc:rSQ:.IIli' ~~e:!I.d rilted to one side or:' v1en-y is u prigbl.. Ii! you lultb.len] il N~~, I<: lite ot.l:liorpe son, you rni "ll'u h- . [ib

l?'eIi 'Orll'S spille-ig

thougln to be mimic lng him or her, and

glOa~ is 110-·row!.}'

UUit

win bak

rapport. The

<IJ1d llUl.Obrru·iv) ... pm im tc tire" p lUl'ie, Till. i, [Ief a nell',' Technique. You Ita, . undnub[~dh' notleed 'thal 'hen I:ihcinl:! are g:O.L!:lgalong teal] 'w -11in ome Inu:~~cnon with at friend, that you are [~ke,lyto giL 'u.rland [ust like one another. Ma'lt:ning OCCurs l:n1fhrrally whea [Wopoopi~ ,[lJ:ready ~c in rappurl. However. rnarehi ng' ~,l!:l al S.u be u s~d Cull sc lousl y 10 estebl b;l] and increase .rOl.pp©.!n't Y ou can mlJ.~!!hI h:er''},Uy r,my belbJl[V JOY Yl')lU call ():b.erve. p[Jl'l~I!II];-e., f.w:ial expru ]011. rut of birealhirlg,. voice tone, U~I~~PCl" and pl,h;:lh~alJ Me pow~rful way- ~o matcb ~om,CO'f!edse- By lakm ~ these steps fuo'nHrtch Lh" orheD' perSfil1 you will ['lIlore neady

150

CR~"AT'INi(~

RAPPORT

enter '~heir world"~ because all these ~onverll~] bcluIVi(lI'S <Ire expres'iitll1S of their stat- Qif mind. M'lwhrnO'jsu'l • _gim!il'li k 'to ontrol other :, 'it [5, a .s:pedfic 'W<lY fUF you to adjus1u yom 'OWijI reQ;:wiQI:' in order urget 'ill nc" with ihar PCri'iOI'L It win hetp you feel and umde :~41ijd. wl:l.~d h ~s l ulk)~ to be, I hem at this m.cm1:ent. and 'that \vill not only gain rapport ]t will fa, munc aU 'Ollf communi 3)ti 1'1.

A v,er), dram ane e amp]e of the c[l~c:[ of 'Speech '['emp' occurred in ,a natrorral telephone company in Denver, Celcrado. A customer ~ndce empLo~. M~IJI'Yhadl·© l~r,a1J1sfe[service for a IlGW phune ~ customer from hi old roc.a~ion~. Ne\.\1OJde<lDS.1n hisnew loc tion in
IDenver. ln the pWces' of the transfer, Mary called another 0.11pJoye~ J ne. to diScILl' th.e re oro being '1:r<JlIlls,~e:l'reO!."Vhn~Mary ,!I;J!!I,d se !:tad)lifi,e er !~I ked be.for,e,,a.l:li~therefcre did ]lAJI, know each Ja v ether, '. !:he talked OJ] the phone, j[WII!S, orppa:re.rlll that 'lbel' w~:re ge~ti,n~ along coni iaUy andgtu ifig U]ejob du:ne. J[ was IJI ~ SJ;)' OlIpp'[fe.]1!l to ml~Y ne H~eIi:ing [0 both sid" of the cP[1\Sersalion m,at lbey Were s:pe~kj,~ ill Ij, v,e:ry 5.!iIITL'I~!E1r tone off voice Oil <lboul '[he same ["<lite0 .lipeec;h, whj h was miJderalel~ fa t At few :moments after t~[king 10 h.Tn:e.Mary pi aced .D'IlQ't.hel" call £() Nell Odeans '10,~el service I:'C,C Ids tr,ans:fel1ieiGI, L:!I.¢iJ1c.in' e:w Ode~s, spoke ina t~nS[de:Tab]y slower tel];iJ,po Willi lower and 0 fit:e]; tone l~l 11 ,M":r)" who W,II:!> sdU 'P aking rapidly, with a bj_ghe.. lone. Wlh:ll!e Mazy aElGLucil le didn 'l know e;tloh other ,~.jlhe. and were not diseu anything ,exeepJ bu Ine . there Will obvious ~!'J,~o(lnbetween them within fl f~w minutes "fter llhe'~nnvel'._ation b"'t!:illill. The ftustrnHon between them \. as, apparent. in [heir voice !:i,u.alh~;.and tlbre conversation ended with botl people ,d!eaJr.ly ups.d. The only pes'ib]~- elise was a hJII:g)edi.f[e_ronce in '\1,orce tern poand LOn . ' .. Anc th.e.rexample oi' the impacil of m,,~chint! vole esinvolved [ll@ Bd] System when k CO'[lsj ted 01 regiona! ope.r.a.rin.IJ ompenies. One c regloaal COIi11p.any had til lowest !"ating for u zom r salisfacti'n. Pea,]", in that :re,g]on r1p:rm:ilny :spoke in a higll·pitl;:hed. nasal 1'11.0IflO' lion . M~li:r 1iI con ultam taught them ~]:).e' PO\' r 'Of' voice nliatcl1hll!;! ;[['Ie}i trained ..U '[he operarers in thia company to m<:rU.:J:i ~ilii.eirIDemp.o aJil t.one to the cu tomet. Wi.lhin ll:'ill:l_.C I'll mils o the tJ"ainiiug tbis reg iOlflm1!com:p"l~y h;;)Jdi~m,p:mved ~t. 'roting hl eu 'tamer sat~:dac li Q;1li from ~owes,t toseeond best, he (In Iy m or d~:··· [!tRee was the voice

Doing (I]tll!g:sdeli:Mrn.te~yf[l'Jl' nlppoll h~lps yotl back to the eelatloahlp thm you would have naHlraUy if lleople weren't dlsiressed, precGcc!.!pjedby thinklng al~;HJ~lt OIJtl-e~g else, or simply 1l0[ p~lyil'ig S an.entlOD.

you. are not ,ab~e to fiU'l!wb postures MId facial exl, ~f ynu are on U~e ph-one. you pressions with someene. Cet"ta:i:ul can't do eitheref thes ,\7!I"betherin pe vn QJ:' Q,mIthe phone, eae {)if the most power: u lway to establish mpport is to IllatiJIll '~Ile t()~e:, Sometime
>
c

te,mpI'Jo.and I':I1}'thm 0:[ the other person's voice ..... ~ you respcnd to '~he o~h'er perNIO", ~impJy u.:e the sa ill!! W~'e 0 r "0100 and the same speed ortempo. When :0" 1,gl., 'n l;\ri.n btm;dcb]R~ Y d'ie pit'h and 1C;j:d!e:neeof the (·dhe[pemolli'. ~ho~lg;!'lls.ffyou b;ave ever belen really excite I bout ~{l:merhino _nd yOd W lie ro.ning 1I]00g the tracks of yd~ thoughts; <It <IbUlilU nille~.y ~,mi.1esIII hour and ~he other person l klOIdn'll"'VcfI sonen W' lh!;;, train, y,mlknoi\,l,,' thJ you didn't have mu."'C:B'i In common w~dl tbat pergJ(~nat th <J1l Ume. ODe of the ea ieiS:t ay t :re:memb.r EO bui(ldrapport l to netie w sn me aspect flf the other per orr' s rh:y~fum. NOtice ]f their langU<lge ~ generally preny fa.l and centiauous or ~t wand . ,.uhmOl.ls. S~roe people pause more often and then ,spea.kagain, Oti1ers gP on flQt1d on. w:ifhOl.u 'even ·e.eming lO pause ItO talke iI brea.th. A YOIl noticea pan sm, youcan <ldjut youfowlili sr~e.eiil to appsoximete the olh~r·. pattern. "'!!then someone say'. "Th~. technique doesn't w~fk,.' nine limes out (if ten lit i. because 'Lhey did not actuaHy change. their '0 .. 0 s.peBch panern to mateh th' other per Qn's,-lhey jus;lllwl4ghr Ithey did. ~'u'simportant w take the time to really notice rhe suhtleties ef speech <]l1Id practice rneiching them,

.mg

I'

I~ be &eII, itiv I[U tnt: nonverbal Ni,g,_nals, Ml~lt iudi<::J.tel!oss off rapport,. you can also as the ether pel'~m~ to report how they 'eU du:ril1g the djlferen!. 'lih~lJt$ of tMs e~er,cise, Usuall y they wIn be a:bJ'eto "lie 1i you "~hen [he conversan n 'li'lJoweJ e,ili~il:y and when h didn't-wilhOUl kn!)wi.og eX.El.ct~y wl~y,

J'[.tini~lg . Although we want you

l3

I., Cht;~rN!'{In Uflim:porJanrt 5itrH},tfo", Pick iI c file 1 whe e !l!c:re is, nnthi [I~ <i;l stake, likea casual meetifllg wiU, an a s~d;ue or 3 U'iII1"e::r in, (I flli1Mic plece, As !In aUe~n:2Ilive,. you couM get e friend 10 do this exerc iw ;.~ri[:It you by, ~ini II,!! b.!ck W hack, The
eflie!:l:of lhi e erci e iil miH Iwim.1 iftlie S ther pen: rH.lne n t

il1iti.dly know whl.l;t you ere goilllg to' d -

,J'.

'f,r,Ji h~ntpo

MQ,ttl:!i~" As YU1)lffilk ro tibe O'rue,Jl'1iJ~r$0I1, notice lI~e, ;and [one ofh~s Or her .... .rJjce, As }"Oftl talk to him. ubtly ildjUst your voi _" ~:i.lni.l tl)fle and tempo of your - olee Me aii 't!lIe

clase tafhe (lI11'he: persan "!> as pOis_bte. - otice I'll quality 0 'tile comtntifiilcation: Is ,th~ !tow ofii1oim:atkm ''lmooth Of difficult'} [. tltlere 1:1 [®I,i~ of rapportor l1ol1 3. 1)y Mism,{ltchh~g. Afrer a fe~!,I 'm.~mneIi (If HrlwO'~h"UowiJIIg c;onve;r;:;,atjon ... heir ~,Ol.ll voice lO be very diffe'rellt from the o(hcr pe:IfSOIl'S in 'l'liTi1 of ton .. lind temp. otice \.,'I:'Iru: impact 1:lrli ch8lfl.~e has 0,1:1, til· ''lJi!l8!!ily of the' ommt]nic.,UiO'D, 4. N,(}wGo Back ,~ai\ta.tc1i'(rJ,f. C.ha'llg~ back '~!lma~~hLf.lgthe 9l1m.c;. person's Yin!c,e quaLit. ,and notlc how you are able 'tore~:itl d'le rapport that euables It smoO'llil '11o!,!,' V c.omrrumicali 'IiL €I'

On' , tn> thing tbat people do when II.l'Ie-are' in rapport i. to align thi mselves with the other pe.ofl.impI experiment will demon straie thi s 'l.(), you. lirVhen ycu Sire i11 a gu:o~ of people [hat P begias to g<lt~~e.r, JJ~otice whOi!ul'Lappen in H1e 1l"-st few minute as people are beg.inni.~1:g r l"egai ning relati ns.Mps widl each t'!rter. o ' ou will. norice that as peeple g Jt mto r;jppo~l:wil.b, each Qlner,Lhc uahll'11Uy a!.i~gn with eachother' I. o ['IU ' and movemeat. Alignmem C<llI'U, oocur On !l:ever8!J ]ev,dt;, as when i!.WO peop:~e s,h~i!ce eommen interesse, they beeorne closer. H. for l!;.l.'IlillJ;(le. you a;1:l~ casuall 'La.lking insoUlie:t'I\I:!en ,vbill.e and di.c'tX)ve:r L{~althey are from tour 1!l:ii:lmt!towl:i., you mayh ve noughin emmon tokeep you tal.ki:n;g .[ lett [ part of Y01,ll,f'lllIigl1l.. A more ~l)QiWeff~1 ay in wltiiCfu pe.ople 'i'L[ign witb others is w1(h w their physical use f pace, 'Vheiil. YOll ale s.iUin , ~. nh 'om eone in your .Ii.vingl'Oon~.m'id wa_nl, 1[0 S,~Q\ (h.' In ~~p[10tn ,,,:11:11..11)1 rz h o , you. t1sual.ly :",it .ne t~1 tlJfflr, Tid .Ilt)"~liollilnarurall y leads to at sei e
I
I

00f togetheraess and sharing, Whe,n SOIU.,ebusiness peop~ C' meet at a table with a coi[e~~c, d1tzy con;sis~enUy 8.i.1 Oippll. ]t:e~heln. Ot:fuiers, .'lit ,<rt the ~'i.depf tile mb[.'" :l;u;:are~L of her persnn. You;n notice bQw the verbal expression rdle'~ the impact or these diffierent ello]. es,
\VoilUbdYOllt rather "square off' with someone; We ;;III.know wih~t h!l!ppened. ~n ~h.e Old West when yop. I~]d ~hal: Dr would )'em ~ fajltili:ler"share space"? By .uligni.l:Ig y01!Jlf !indy, '0 tfu 1 you are literaUy [ oimed in a similar dirr:ec.:.lion you acremos Uk Jy '[{j'ee things the' am .wa ',g:e~ in IUnJI with leach ether, and: ~!;;I, sync, Whether in you sit oFb'iliid in a]i,gl!1iIJi.lent.it's as if 10l! sh[lre.~.jp amebp!fJ.c,e.and are headed in llrre same di,reC'~,Qfl.You and theperscn you ilJe raUdng \ itfl wiU natura!:!y make hand gesmres toward lhi ' comrnon.'p:aoe. If yo!:! am in .lgree:melu and sliming c mmon ieteee ,ts. if easy to feel aligned.. When yOIl, have conftt r erare in the process of building common ]]lJil.eI'e$t. , your pl]y steal a]i,gnm~llll 'c.a:JJ1 he ]paA;..OeLeta:1.e
c.OQper,d~o[D. A ver~f effective 1'ln!I:I_m~g,cf -small service oompal)~ !U ed tll,~se of prillc.ip.lle well. She had h~ 'k "'l upin 'the tandard :~bjOfl w~tb her chai r beM'nld abe de, it and a COl.! ple 0: chai f. i11 Fronr of it. VVhi;;n

Youcan ~I&(), atch alnot];n,elpers:o:t'iI'~ rhythm m

OfI1M1'¥~me1lllt

Like

spf':ledi. ,iI person's phy lea] movements have a pattern. SftE!le people, move a [ r, mbec lin[~, Some move with la ge and smooth g smres and som \J;'tl1 mall and abrupt ones. By ,ubt1y ,adjll.l$ti,ng - OUf ~, ovemen ~ rllyU':Iln te ,apr,mximale (h!e person you're irnerac [io;g
with,. you wU:l 1J'reaUy e:nbanoe ~he b£il!;}S
h_ip.~fQU
:r{)i[

yOU!: ,growing [,eh!LliQn~

can use, 11 exercise similar 10 'tile one above ~ , become ~d~pl ,at matching the lib·.thm of emeone el " es mO\1en'l:ent pattern". , yml practice these skills, ,U will d elop )'iiJ'llili' .~bmty 11;0 build rapport q:uickl:y, ]fi me moment, a:D'I.d re~ai.n i.l~,~ickl.y_~nd [0.
ea nywhen

Y01.!llese it. The

liile}!;.lt

step

HI

~u [bu~k abo~t keeplIllg

rapp. rt ttl [iolJlg:11me. Crelltmg con i tent f~e.I irig of IE<lppOrl i~ 'Wh~IJ .i lD.tk ~ t1h.ediffe ence b- teen "in t.anf' Itctpp rt nd the h~ghes(

quality rei atiom1,:!ip

154

p
dbe'o'l!

ell:

A LI'NO

JRl\'PPOlt,

155

sbe wantedto keep ,sorneon."i1t a distance Of fI~eded to I,evel"" ilb someone by delivering dim'cu~t news iOlf feedimc.k.llt would h· "-Ie' tbern, j[ SiCfO'SS, the; de:!ik .from her ,Iioweve, • when he wanted '10 bUi,ld ~ppmt. or deepen an exisung ~d<ttk~lf!,ship. he w,mlld walk fro[ll behind he;[ desk and "trnJ1g:e' the seats ]~, fronlt of be1i Ue'sk so Iha:l they were ,1f~,about H. rigl.U aI~g[e. Th.I:[ w,~y. as "~e and 'the ,mlrer persoa talked, '~l1e;'were sharrJng the space be~"teenl:lt~],11 and ~e;h more, aligned, Another example of ihe po,-·rflll,eff\el. t 'malt ali,gmlil:nt ca:1l pm,. duce W· first I'eport~dh:y some Japanese ,comp!lnj,es. In mallY comI)@l!'l[e~, empLoiy,e~s g~ilier b fere the workday begin and do caHst,benics, air S!P11l~~Olim of e ercise ~u,unison, These companie
iJlI-.ave een P[~u:[udi.vi[y i'l'lCllease.itf1d worl~]",s'b,o, are lTIItlo;i;Cati.sfi~d s witl~1'[heur work. A ~nt. <JIndbnriguinglinding is tl:n:at their'e also m~y 'be afelducliol]in Dn-the-job 1Ilj1!1r1e.S. hese benefits camefrum T ~e nrp,or[ le.\i'elamcu~g.Jt'I':!ie: woiker oas they begin their work wid) such ~lfl .dlrglling .u'::li ~ty. Aligning YOliLfS U 'whh SOlfioonc is a great metapkor to help)·oi.l f,emember wb<rt lotio IUel:aUywH n you warn to build ttl OOHllilJlJUR grotllfl,diLli[pOfl wh~d:l,r,el lion . .hips, 11c'i.'elop. You can aliga ,,\ridill Gtlt'lllmon irnerests, bgdy orlentation. or emotio1:li.l1l1state.
c

mean yOl,lagree vith \i hal scmecne is SlIyillg. but tihal Yl:l, a knowl dge what they are unqussuonably eeling. S;, ad:{n~\i Iw edgi[1Jg '~h emotton, both erball :lIlJJUnOl1i'l!:erb1dly. you c n alig8 with it, even Wit11UI!iI)JJ~ kD'lqlwine ,lMl: thing £lbcm[ how (1i::J.C), gor into that fee]:i[JJg :StOlte •. So wlli:en som ~{]]le says, "[' m i1lii:1dashel! at you l " 0\1 might respond w i;th: "Y au' re really up e:1 w][b me. I'm realily con. ~rn •.J 'that.;· Of course, if'iLal to be sincere- about your con en]', sO ~hat you, voice 'to.D C rries th arne mes-sage !t- y ur words. By noti ~ing Bind re ~~nding tu their emotional state, hoth v"rtmU imd nonverbally, you're letting them !.I'lO(W that yol!.lare reo jvmg [11m. just as, they Jre'. This un rjlle-al acceptance is pefhap. LIl· g 'ale:!\l, ;gi:ft ~'Ol]'C<li~] give ~!1y,humalll, be±ng.
3~I:lOLl'!
c

lihe ~~e~1{t is. tOi dwck Ij'i<~tthe ot~eJ pel:ljorL reaU tl!eard youw !'j,te, ac.kxn,®lw.l,edgnl!enL US!.!I,aUy IJie ~11:her pe:mon wiU ,~.~onta.JJ!.CD1!! y re~01X. ~ a bit Wild become visibly les ul)seL Since most :pooph;c g_el il.lplie~ when lbe~ feel !.Inl card or uncured for. acku'OwledgmelH reduce;~

the i:r up.el: feeliflg _ Ate,. you are sure ~hat th oEhel' person is reo prmdiog to ~our having ,ack!,!owl~dg.edlJl m, you can.beum to movcmw rd pi11 )olem ·ol,lI;tiJlg.'" ould we Bil iOWlJ1 for ,I moment and talk ,ab Ul\i\.'flal
upset
}!,Ol)l,

since I'm

'urelflt':i'eWouyoll

want totalk

[0

me; is to

YQ~ can build :t:'appot~ with :peop]e wlu], Wl~ upset by ~IUgn]ng IOi,fid:l their emotional o'l,a'W of mind. Some pS' cboln~y tfail1il'lg tea h.• -list the ppo!l~re. cl J:IU.ing 'Lhat\ ben someone ;j,' ups -t nd - pecirul, angry. you should remain calm. S.o when Sofuoone is y~Ui[jg, "J'm mad ,~ hell at )'OU, and I d!On~lkJiil'_' \!,tby you did 'th(j~.. you mi,g.!nit respond c lO1I){anJ]m~y."So !: , \vllat seems to be the p]'Gb]~?" bll'lUsli.ke]y t(l CBltm the pen.m1!'! Would it n1<1!q: '!hem fed beuer if someone else W1e~re c<lbll wilen they \·e;,J1eangr]t? Nat uS"uk1.l~ " , . i[l fact • .it uS:llI.'1l"1y males them even angrier'. . When some;une ~ emoliot1~ny t>lte:ssed. it' s a hn morle effective re align with the emotion that is said or delllOru;ttaJe~. This

reselve thi$: ~ssue and to m~hualinounel:migR~hli,p. Isn't t1]l~t tn.Jp'" Tbat's gQ]FJig :to bf.dHird. to disagree wrU~, and likely to help lrhe orber pen;d~1 ~eeJtha~, you really '[teard ~md 11Ilmfe:rswodlhem. Thu, responsepresuppose dUll the person ydJing has a prn;il~ve il1'tlenJt:io.l1 behind the '.'eUillig-tbe real rea. OD Ihal p F OJiil wants ttl talk to' ou L resotve the isue nd romaim in your relariunh:ip. Addi!'! lhi to your re"pon/e ~help~~ou and [b~ otner pers nremembe til 1 e etyofie'$ intention is alw psltjvl.!, although it m"l!lY notseem iiiili~u way 111 times. A great deal of the NLP ~ed:inorogy is 'baflioo ~pl1lJJ tffiIDiside~1. Whether (I 111'Q'l, it i - uue 'lhHt pe'Qple's, [rtI~~enti:G)tfl sarealways positive. if yo u behave as ]f l~:'11 were tl:u:Je, h
will cert inly ]mpl'ove [be q~~aHlI.y f your eernmemearieu and },cmf o Hfe!!ClKl£ and speaking as ,i',· U were rrue call defuse evenn, intense eonlli r :Jimati(]lIl!s.

.1

"7

·1, - l~ird Ol'lfls.idera'lli.oll in building relatinnslrips h

i reo gllizi[lg

t[l~t each of us I'epres nts something to orne ill their lives, Thl.< que.~'~ionis, W!ha,l do you. want to :rept,e;S,eliill?y' au m~~~t ~ we¥

decide what you 'wau'( )fUn:l' presence to be as oc!ated wUh •• ~~lce I[ \\111 be associared wid~ omethin:Q:, You pm:babl_ want iople 'to have apo'iti eas oeiation to you, ~]thuogh the speci Ie response y(Hi.~ want may d..epe:nd illpl'ln th~, con~~t fot your relstionship. Wf~

:~s~ful to 'llC,S'[ how others respond to you pn,s~ndy. men yo~ W,!3I.1ll< into a morn or en~gunlIeIsome;one youk:IDio~ . e peoiaUy when Lt' unespected notice 'the pe1-~Oil'ls n:spO~H;e. WMn he or she seer YOI.l,
hos does that pe Of! liespond?, D@ you see eye li~hl up wilt! en-

tlr,IJI.I,siasm d~!jg!n? Doyo~ see a. quick :Sln~]l'l 0:1"~ now:n .and loot and, of . I~re.s,~or eeneern ~~T~is test ~s algood measure ofwh~u: Y10u repre ·en~ b) lhru pe on even before you tart C(!JlillIullliictni:n,g.

, One midleve]

Jf!IJL!n~,o,eJ·.,

Bob" \oven trained to. MBW A-or'

'til! .1lI-

acgeby wa,lk]lil~around' '-was transteered ~o lino[be.r d~vi.s.io[jof his Domp~ny, He un.d~f.l:.oo~ Ute value ~f beillg,a.vaiL ..bk 10 tlliliQ·e who
reported to bim and in [earning fOO.J1U ~heffiwballbey did _~,nd how he could he usefal, P\a[ltof his purp , in walking MO'tUld his flf;'ll day on 'the job was, lIiOI build nIppo.n.Whllt Bob didn't know was 11'1 at employees were not used to, <J:. mml!!.ll'el' walking around, aad .found .Bcob~';s pt-e!J.e.IlC~ mtifl1ida;l~El.g-E;'i,i'en tlrt!o1lligh hi m.an~eJ waS warm and fri'endiy. Ali, you call probi'libl.y gues.s" the m:JJll!Ige wbop:rece,ried Bob WaI' ,'il~'potent O!Jroe of inlimidat:in'. feelings. Bob r1lcogniwd what wa. fua,pp ning beJC:aulSe he had pa~d cles aueatien mthe respon e of ljfie~Qple. he supervi ed, The n xt day a~ tie w,dlk!ed M-ound . Bob of~efed warm dij,t]gJmut.S,; fresh f((~'rn thee. hater. A~· people \ ere ,e-aliag meir dougbmu ,be gn~ a cl:mlfi. e 00 l'iall to :rbem about 'lh~t they were dotll!,!!;, what 'lheir concerns weremlil.d·'o n, After walking MQlIl]d w~tb doughnut for a few day, he noticed '1:1 W<'IS geld Ilig a vefY dift:erent response '~ha:1I1 he had before. Bob ~ad ch;.:ll(ge-cl. thew<lY he was percejve d. he U:ti,e,g)i for bec,aming a "QlI'I'C of good f elings for u~h 1 ~sjmple. Ide.nliJy what feeling If motiona.l 'Late; y VI w<I!lill to h av - as soiaJted h) yourself. ben, 'b _. " gre'll e lCrunp]e ofthat tiillt

of mind and do things, tbal: ram::onrngelhat stat off mind in tilers, W1hen YOy do Uti . 'ill ritl' is rucial, bee-au, ,,~'b!m<l person i~ inseeure non erbal behavior tend: W slgnal th- PP;pos:ite of the verbal. behavior, A g·rem deal of recent research i[ldic~.~es,he irnt pottance ' ef hav lng your nonverbal be'~a \I' lor ~OI1S]'.'!i!tfinl wH:h your verbal belul' 101'. tnp[uyees- who, were surveyed press-ed confusion by the mlsmareh between the Vierbal: all Il:IlDVerbal. me!>. illD'e:.of 'thiefr managers, h yteported 1h8)[ whenthev were onfromed 1lb a rni smetch bel weenverbal andnonverbe] m ssages, ~.hey.;)]1]108!: ~lway$ r'e's',pond'ed to ~he 1lI.'~Ill verbal port ion of the Illiessa,g.e--d!c voice !.l:ml1ily and the facial expre.~o~r, ..the.r limn ute words, v,en ,3 small child can Jearn to Ue w]'Lb words. but since tb~' non erbal behavior is muchhard ~ for them ~·ont.l1Cllt it almost always g] es them IiIW1-l,Y. Thisi w~l~mLl;gI, of us te.nd ~iQ U1:q the nonverbal message 1iil1w;;:,h I:IlOR' than the ve[b<l:~. one w hell the ~wo don'tmarch, It you want re be powertul with }oron!: In~ssa(!e . hilt y0 ur faeeand veioe reflect 1I11i.dU.fJ:I:lil yom verbal me~t"!Jge!';, he easl SI: way to accompli hthis ill. ro be sincere, because thClil all yOill' be,'lyLviOif w'II~,lI<'1h.u'a[!y be ~O[1_gru~]]t_'lIUdelivering :the ~:aJT1e mes•age. To ensure that people Be so 'at good feel.i:l!l.gso ynu, ju t nn t more ·-~m,eIi'K is. requrred, l'ld that i your ,competence. Bytl:]ng ~l~r and well-formed goals, by OiIlifgl'iingOJ. Iu.<ltchin~ aJl,ot:Jilerp ·r~ sen's 1:J.It,][u~lovi.o1" ~espec.il!l,ny nonverbally), and~~r essocierlng llocd fe{!ring:do your presence, YOM will have the basis for hjgh quah~y -d strons cpnnecti.on ~,hh oth Ii' peopl.e.WHh the tooI of mplpurt

me

alone" you can create rcsponsivenes - in anothe per n in iii matter ef second s. IIowever, liO' have relarionsh i,ps th at r~Sl overtime, you need Ito Ire able to "·deliver 'I.h.e gO'Ocls'~~you need h) be eompetent. ·,_0 amOU1l'lt ,of dougJ:1I11.!1and coffee will m.akl~:up for in bilib 't, get
the j'ob done, A president of a sraal] hig.h-.rechco:mpil_j])1 iJ1itlr.iiJ~]y h adthe adm:i:r,uiufI of hjs staff becaus.e of his exceptional r,~lppO[1! .skms.. H~wever, when 11i 'PQ.Orf R1MaJgernem . kills becarne apparent. in the bottom lill!:: and tiJ. cmi:1p,any W<l. fO.1_eQinto bl.ui.k:t'ILi,p~~y,his " taff
: elt

equally
In buslne

SIJOJlrg

~fI}lings of anger

and betrayal.
the currency of I,DTlg-

relationsbips,

competency:i

N
tetm 13pport-and

1159

this is al 0 UiIJ'C,il'l personal relationship as .it enable )"01Lt to deliver Di[J whSitever ~gn~emem~, 01' promises Y[l'bL make. CUs,lo:meTh. p.eers, ~uperv,i..,or ,coUetlgll!C and friends come to' '11 wIth their goals; whether lhe.; are conseiou ofi; or not. 81m ~I:ILeg r, cap~bHi.t]-e , and skil] in plfovicl,iri,~ what theywMt w:in rit 1~,him,lIJt6Iydetermine Ole1rsati''fa,etion frO:l1J1 lib; . rot,ationshi:p. If your f'app It kills only m peop~ fed IN,d but you do nOI provide the \lS!]u,e'~h['Jt[]hey want, then '[hey will leave feehng oOJllfuselJ ,ahmnlhe inteT'O!dio:r'I. nd evernually about you. R'eilni.oll It p skiUs. af !Treat addliifioiJ1l 'I" being C0I11ptU:!lt, btu 'Ihey are no replacemem for lL
T

These [1i11.'6e technique can be ,I part. of yOLlr natural repe.rloite and calli help you have m~)ch grea'~e~ success. ad~ievemellt. freedam heppiness, and ~tis,faClkm ~n your life, Prac:tke ere li[l,g re~fltionshi.p\S tbat will 'enhance Y,OI,i and ,tlieli:\l'es ,of die' pCdph~ wah w.hom. you wHI be do~ng, bu '~IG.':J£,. .I!ivery day. thin'k of . omeene witb whom reititer you ar, unsure 'of the 'relati'~ns.hip or wj'lh\_ hon~r you wantto e tahli'tl a new re.l,alionship.lI,]iJd III e you new kill to e.st:ab:!ish mpport.

Reviewmg What Y:ow 've Learned

This ch~(pm dlsCll.s~e8 [~e fe~hniquf!s and value Qf e.st8Jb~j5hi:ITg Y,lIPPo"",in <If I your relation hip. Having persona! intrecli.on tbar make bmh parti fed aplPrr;,cia~edal!ld b,earQ'makes .. ery relationship move much smoether, The ilin:le aspects 0'] this are:
c

.• Learn 110 see «he .hl.teractionftdm the other pe rson's viewp im. D:ewrmriJi:i;e:mUJll:i'!iUy sartisfyjng g_qab. NoHo~ [he other pe[' on" feelmgs and' esponse 'and ~ck:m;lw[edgc: them, B sure you have been :lael1§d. And bute po ;1Hve intenuon .~~ their behavicr, Bearhi 10 meve toward problem €)I.viog. Use the. Goal. Achi:- emem Pro', ~.' from Chapl.C'f F 1LIr tu ciari~y your goals fOir '[his I1eI.otliOi:lsbip_ .' _srabHsh end maimain non erbal nlp:~on by mill: hblg tih_.[! positiens of ,ml'ler'S.Tht illnws you to lirerally see the world from jjh,eir pr::fs;pectj\'le. Matcb;1f~ anol'her' \'Q,i.ce tone and p. ICingcreates rapport, where lhe perceieed dist~nc!;.l elw,een b rwopeople is, diminished. M tching ltllothcr"!i emotional ,1alte does thi b as we IL I' P' du ..e pu, iliv'e fe-et.ng· in othe{s by being iii great example
of the state of mind YL)j,J'd like ethers to f~el ,f1Jl:mlltt Y,Q1JI, ,!I.llid efl(:aur1l,gin~ it with' on aotio!1,;,

POW

·1.1'U

PER',

A:!HON

SlRJ-\T:

GI

Hi]

Cl:lAP,ER

s·

C~I'
[l~.

Powerful Persuasion Strategies

pilrticruat peTS,(J]lJ. 'fhish; Ime 'irrfQrmal~DI1 thal le.11 11U~ whethe-r. they need or could wam 'wblillwe have to orter, When you know whaJ a person wants and needs. therear ["'IJQo :polSSibml:ies: Either 'QUI p'iQd{Jcr OJ: service fits thee needs, or i't doesn' t ~:f there is, a Ol, the ill you. have the hnffi~~m~t'loll to demoasl;[, t~ cOll1pemngl:y [00 thL pet, on lilat whm Y0I:I offer doe. • In fad. ~lr[hls _(IeqlJirement~. And it there isn't iii. illt, then ~you ciln imp[y l. [ it d:iJrecd}r ,. and gr~(;efuny mo c on [0 rJh.e next llliuspect. 5,av~g yeu boih a lot ftiustraJuprn :Ind wasted ti me. DEle' very ·llcceSrllJ.rea] e&t~te broker very otten says thie :roUo\~'in,~whe-flllie can't find a fit belween whar tbe ~u er wants artd what is ~v:a1]a_bl~on Ule marker

of

0ne

Yonhav - told me the kiind of hom e you're ]oo:kJng for, and ~'ve shown Y1O~.hree hou s,es I:O<lit<Ire-dite closest, fit to what yan wain l t at d:m.e.. 1'.~a!£ir-esimply ~!i~ 't alMything on Hie market :ri.gnt mJlI';'
litI.

th about gn;;!u persuaders is dun they ,<Ire bnm 'lh<dW~J'. lWeI!. think about It uuthfull' : None 0 us' "born t3l~killg .. , . much less. peri;tI_adlmg ,lrI1Y"IFte o~ aJlylb~g, II. is a .0:[ ,of S'kin.. we Ter.utl, Jlke aU l~e other d1~nSfl'we :~eO';i'[11, Eac~ of 1JJI has Ii!lprc[_h PO~ S]b'On to ,11 partie ular set of sk ills, but no one has them all rna uere 1 wilhut kain:ing. The top' cmmIlIiIRlcat(l'l:SwiU t.. ~outhat '!btl)' ll
<;omrgitmenu m, themselve ro seek saidy, and! learn b c :11:1&£'mey knew tltl1,', wbJt it ~1l_kie UJ become ;)l, master. Thell!:; s, 11 So madea

[doio l wantjo 1l.8. your time and mine 'I:r}dng to. sell j'IOU something th J won't san 'fy YUH, I'llkeep your card ill my active fi]e"iiI-.li1d 1']] let you know the moment ooy ~biflg comes on the f.i1i!ket dui:t rn]$ih~:sati.s.fy }H:J'J,].
th,llt me [ ,¥our needs,
j

tms

I,

Many

ales tra]Q!tng and ,clommunic

[ion prog:l'am talk-a,· if you

diree lrel~lit:;n~lh~p between lJf!f111ili.ng and profi1. ~be ~©!re }llcnU l'!!"}:IliI. the' more you. earn ... in '[em}:'>of PC-I" onal satisfacdou, as well as finanei U)". ._._ The .,. eeond myth b lit gI'eat persu ders if: U]"lt they are mooth talkers, Some ,!)-,r-e. MOtWevcf. <of much greater iJ;];lIport<:lIlce is the :fat,l that (hie an: gliellt li teners iii- secret th. [ many high-powered oonsultants an

.. .: :1& '1o'lt:JiUy Irn]_IDfIt;:ml ~, . t _ea. t, two .01'1., F'I-,t p'.r> Ide f el ",. . -- ~'O I . -, . mg .. ,.~._ ..... aond whea the~1 kno,w Ithey are trudy being heard. In m t, ales ;all' aetions andeven ~noux da.i~,y i:mleratc~i~ns. other people us.u!JI~~Y d~I;'[ [lean'll Ustel'! to us. MO:S:l01 us oilly £eel n::allyiisb~ned to in U'1e best pan: ~'f ur really'ped ] relatinoships, B~~n he-ard it - a,-pe .• I i e1l;pef'ienQe 'Ihat pe plelike nd w ntt~]ore ot. " .._ . Second, listening isa me wa.yw llfi.11id UI~lt what snm:pa'rl,ml ~o J
J -

:1rHouvatlonal

speakers b ve alre _dy dl.'co' ered. LUiIen-

doesn't actuallv fit for them. Second. if they don't fed In.ampuJan:d,; mey will uhim.ately he d~atisfi.ed. in e repeat busine s: and persaaal referrals are lilire major s;cr-ll!r~,e .mO"fiil sal~.s. ,iii Cia ss.a:ul. i~d of f Cilstcuher is f~r wors ' than (.i,cus'tJOmer who is, treated well, and who is :1'!i:Spect uUy to]d thai yom produ.c.I. is 118l ,app:ropriate~Cl!i' his er heneed ... By the Ii Il!}\"th· real estate broker melil:honed above get m st of tier referral fllmll peeple she tlirm' rse U !I hous e to. Thebenefil@f []]]s mpp:mach are b:eautifully illustrated by the
oi" _.

-hClU;ld want te rnfltivate others to do what you want them to do, when 'Ihey dOlTl't lle:a1ly want to do' lr, There are two glJea;ttdisadJvan:t~i!\l:eS' ir:! tty~rJIg tD maliit someone 40 1!'ifh~IL '~oe!>u'l fit; First.. it Wm. take ,1\ let of WOri'k, md limo W '11)' to, persuade someoae of' what

old movie Mlrad'~ on 34ih Str,fiuil. A de'pilITlment~",tore Sru;([t-aCI J.u . st!tgge.s'&s.III) moo)' eusterners tim:!: they go to IOthr S~(i]1 for cert~lillil.
purchase

Wh~n ~he SIiOii· manag, r fi:mlB

becau e :they can gel!better qu~] r or lower price 'there. QU:[ aaout lhi he is horrifted and is,
>

1(;2
~l1J

p
by I.eple thanking h~Jl'1I
Item'?" or ... What do n1otiv,ared t~dfmean
yO'1!JJ
f(ll.'

IE

11()3

l.IbO'~t 'W fire the Santa \\Ih n he: is deluged

hilL\'ing a
DOme: (0 ~ i

value in an employee?" or' 'Wha.t doe~ it

Santa. who i so helpful HEld hen est, ilnd pte 19i1l~O

tore ffirsT. 'C-or ;31]]
fYU1iI'e' pllln::lllRieo-,

.abihl.yto o~fferc:ompUifig value (.0 mhef;'. TIe ~eJ 'IJo, this deflniH.on is lh:.a:[ the v~J!~e;s,ave 1101 yr.nIHr,. bllil mdf.~~ Theil' value are what 'In-eo), arc _goin,. 10 respond tn .. Persa 1 e ]l~ciple are those whn ,e,i".I;1iiI 1'.!iO,~ hear nuW cHher1> expre '.~ lheitr see
vaJtl,elir---ood wl1.a C~fI ld;:, key q.ue,;tions lei diOIJ.ve:r v<i,]ue], Then they ean demmdral:e how w'hat t!hey 311e oEferit1;g .. ]]I ;J.j:umUy !'i'l'l-

Per

I:! S·011~· the

yOW' cornp.anyT' or "Think of YOIl~'b~Sl n'HI1lIager, \Vh.tt ,are r~]:echaracteri ties m,rt: mOlke her a grmd manager and et her apart from the ordinary mW1a~ets'~" AU these questions ~k fOli'/. lues, '!he'sUmda:rds of performance tb. [:hi'" person )19 1.1 want to Influ Ilc\.viH use to make ded ibn. The are the arne questions yOIJ tJskc t yom.'. el 1:0 find YOUr IUOti v~til]iJi]sb-<11egy and eet yQUlldf mOli !J,(;l.ted. •
1

Many successful

S"al~peop[- use the foHowing appl',o.t.I.h:

~sfy U\lid person's waliJIesanm provide benefrts ~o~]n~!:}ru. You I.: n al 0 tb ink of persll f! ion ~. rnoti v.\(]fig olhets. App1~ i.ng
rh.e same wl::iiys ofthinldng tlb'l11..nmotiv<1!t~()n for Y~;:I!;J:~etLf y~JiU ~lI;r;u, learned in Chapte Two )lDU cen :kioo,pin mind t]'ie buportant pOI.lllt lha~ you are motlQling others 'to do 'l.!\~bIU they want; what is ill tlulU .be. t interests; what win satisf thiir values. Many 'of the be t COIllllltu[icat:ofS baNe le .med thls 1essen, 1he Me ,eager ro find out w'h~t t:hek Ctl.'l~.(i'nwrs,oOUe,iilgl!eS, and fde[IDcl' want Tbey ~ 'moti~ted and ha,pp}, to serue tl\leircli:etlE!, if they ~:l!\l'e what the otl1en; want Rem.emberag tJllis principle luake h I01!!I€:hasier to quahfy ~!Qdthen persuade potential buyers IJO do whuf e is In theie best interest·" In order 'I,{) use rn'i's pril1cipie, you nee-d to beable to (lU~dd find outwhat euseomers. elients .. associotes. or fdends do want, Till '. mean learning hilt the)' \r<l~!..le.

1 b ilieve thae our produet (e:r. joe is e);ce.llent.liowtlv,e• I alao know 'that. it ILS ,only appropriate for those who want, j);i;eed, and value What ('h]. product ervlce) fuil . ttl I?'ffel'. Some people think oFI:IRi ;[f: a ~a]ep:~r.sQll btu m think of my~elf a a CQIfi "ult~un whose job ]111 ~s teflnd out wh "Lhelfthere is a zocd mate h b ~'~wee'D yOUl' needr <L1I'l.d pmduet OIJr { rvice), In orde ,~o d. .this, need 'to h9'!.il.i wh!1!t }Il.\)];(i, wan! in .1 _ Let yOW' prcspecttell he'll buy ]it yeu what she wants to bsy. If ou haveit,

wm

You'~~ also begin

to discover

[I'li t .1" Lites and VfI]Ue,..,. come in

Dis covering the Values of Others

Several ~~mph~m!o:'thl;lllscan hdp you 'to fiod out 'th~ values of o'l:hers. People give many cl pes in the it dee ; 'lne: things d]e:y ~wn, lh Ii' banns. ami, the W: . ' liney tre<lt poop! . ClHl[c3CI\erH]c~ uch as neatness, ,E!Ue:n1:~un deta]'!. sl.opp[[!lf!·. S. warm CO!K~em'Wo.r dwork.to c e "l:!ud needs ,fll( privm;;_ eXII1Fe' \' lues. w[ ,1::a:D11 be natural .fOit you :lfO'DOIioe the se. au mas want IDOl WCO er the values lh'Dl otilm,ers. nse to make deei ions if! [)ll.!lfCbasing,. wQrtr qu~t'it:y. lt1'Ulagcmef!t "tile. personal relationship ,[I']; aIIy other relevant situatiollil,. Fl~iling these values i'~ easv, Simp,I' ask .. "What's knportaur to yot! iibo.J!.lt ph nit a

i.t',.. irhpurli.l.nl tiP disti ngui h ~WQ types. aile might best be: called ••m11!:terial specif cations. ,> """ben .'OU alS'k~hafs inlpOrt;lrH in <II: produerora service. YO'I:!may gel 111. very speeific ·,[answer. The answer milgM be (h~~ it l'u~.liito persre ~U.a speeifi - tempera.Eure; h ve it certain output fie within a cenaln S;P:i1c<e, e <I ae.rl:al.nl color, etc. b Once th • product o.r serv ice meets ar exeeed '. the material , peel €~UjGllS ptU fprtll, you waat ~ amkie Lilt! :S~ cad [ype of alues, several varieties, Fc)!:"your
pU.'1l(JS;e!!1,

A C:ri(~fic::m isa way of ~peci ying <'i11l1.Q;e genend '. •Iue, For e.1um]pk\~1 Oil ,parl,t rnigln b~ve 110 be a certain lze to meet material sped A.(}'I'ti.ons . And becau se of itss ire, it wi UI ast ]Oflg,e:r (thal' . acriterion • need Ie repair (~h<ll's anotlnter crlte,r:iol'l). and called "criteria.'

N
reducein emeries

P' aad moc, impcrtant 'tb,ecriteli!O!1 you C<lJU :ide.nHfy :iElI someene else, the more options YOIU will have to artisfy it Alld the In,ore oP'riou you ba, e. I!he more hkdy youwiU be able to provide value lhroulJI'h ortering y,Qur prodUcer or s.el'vice, Rcm"m.ber:.h .highel' thevelue you s.I~]S'i , tnl:l mOore persu,II$.iv'e 'You win be, , In older 'to find wO!reoiml:1{lrrtaflIt v lues: you '[,Hlply ask. ~,Wllat' '
I1IlPQmuu to you about h<lvi.n,g T" 'LI] eTltthe last value he or Sb 'aid in the b.1.afIJ~,. Eaeh dm OIJ)Jjask [his qlue~ ti,07l'l; OU w:ill g~l amore llrllportaEl[ value. A.ninlraClilJ'Ji (se,lling n~,tiremei,]t investments, in this oexalmp[e') might look 'cunethililglik:e thls:

h· :1., i'I1CT{~,aSep'[(l'6'ilS. which is lI'li even more ~1,nporta.IU cri~edo[l, hi 1S similar~o, what yuu did earlier in n]~-rou!ali.ijg your: mi.~sion and fl'~I;s:sioj]j 'in Chaptel;"[ hree. The-more impO'n~lfl'tt the criterion yUW. ttppe~l tc, [he mere a:UI·encomp!L<;~iIlg and\,~11uable it] . If you have 'Ibc l"igihHized widg'eL. that's usuaUy!esimpQ:t1'JllIiIl than h. ving wic:lget:!;,~~halla~,II.tD~,ge.r. wltich ,is. les hnpottanl than h,aving w[dg IS
thai ~])c.n:m,tli.e ~'!S. ,1,]:1;;1), When you buy tires for your car, 1t:!1e)' have to he the cotrect size, whiQh is oil 11'11i!tH::r:il'l1 specification, -ou would also "l'l!IlH.!rnUy pre, er

'''lain

:mother cruerion L AU of thee ~r:i~etia win

tir.e UUtl last [ong'er and OS'I, jess, and here your crite[:j", lend '10 be: more general ,amI [C, s specific. liiov,.'e e:r.your personal .afely is probahly eVJeH g1011.' important,Most people willpay more for a 'lire
dlal d~sn'l! ht:L quile: a.' long if I:h Y 'kllow 'Lb!;ltit trlll!ly i safer. \\'h~n [he Michelin tire cmnpany says, "Beeuuse 0 mneh is l'iding 'on your !tire ,"[hey areappealmg to Il. ~IiU~liontlHuis very lrnporl<l!nito !many peop1e-the saLeet"o:f their families" \-'llhen you know pel' 'un,' 5, mesti mpo:rl:a:ril CI'ttetlO'lli, SJ)ch 11 saf ~'Y. It i usuaUy much eu ier to. make a sale, for t.Wl] very diJ-· ,ferem rea, 0'1'1 • First if YOliI "pfodu.d or ~vvi~;;ie trl'lJy :S~I[i2ae.~,their higher criterion tfu~pro. pect W MIlbe~le~'y m()JiWJ.t'e~t IDO,buy. And .e Dnd,.. hen JOtll!'\';: scJling smet~ • the:re are mm~y dfDtrent ways to provide it that the buyer hasa't (Ib:n,1illc~ht of. Fur 'in:stanc.e,le'fs sa.y a {::uS'!c.l'l1er ask for l!I 's.pecilii,c size and ry'pe of tire, ~f YQU know (hal his greatest ,ooncern ]s siilfel'y " yOIlJ (lfflbably :k!ln)w ~x'l1Icllj1 wbkb 'type of tire in that size L, the '. fe.· r, end Y'~,HI!sOI :knolljl.l U1<'L1his wiU 00 G'ompel,Ungly Ul!Jliv,ating ~G him, t l!owev'~r. YOou,coub:l <:Ibmgo ~ven farther in J'isfying his need . ~[ m...a:y be d'lnt u~ing a dif erent sit he,el w, utd pennit mounting a tire IiliaU is. even a er, and you nl3.)f be able to el! him \,,'Ileels ts wen as tires. - (loU Qlultl go even further Ito POilltt oo'E fuJ no.m lIef
t

Q~ "Wh~bW'Q you want in, a "retiIfIii;m,Gfl~ investlll:em1" A= <, I wam a. govem:rrme~,[ bm'i,d Or a tre<l'S!Jry
n.flle,'·'

Q; ., Wh;l!t~,{) L:lld h<lvrng II gOV6r:ll,1iTlcmhQE1d do fOoryaiJT' A. '''f!l1ey hav,e ,",t:rack record 3ml ,are in.
ured,;'
"'WiI1o\l!t's ilinlPO'l1<1Hd 1:0 YOill abour 'the track. reco.rd. and inD.~Ufal'l{.V." A; "So my retireJuem is et~·,;'

Track [[',ecord '& iMlue~

'Q:

',~cU!rity

Q';

So whaC s refill)' ulliportam '~Q'you. OIlbo,l.Il: '~;his11]y.e~'~meilus d'J'llt ill' seeuee.' i ; "\Ven. I d also like ,lI geod retlmll; but dial's not as iU1ponaol a '~~cil:ri~}'.I dO:ll', "",ailt I'D :take <I. chance and I e "niU 1
U

1I3ve,"

how good '[he Ii- is, an. nHInck braking vstem win d even mOire to emure the !;aety 0 h:i" ram!]y, new car wf,luld ' <li"fy hi' fie d fo, safe-I. Far bener than w'hat he I) ~gin~n; a ked ~,]",."Vb 0 you
have milD)' d:iftfere:fll OPPUIW!lit'ie:Sl.oruake a sale
}'O'Ll'U

make more

By Ja,1JO~ ~:hart ~his ,~uston1!et', mot irnportant cri teri Qi!'I is e[[\g curity, Ute fin<lillci~l ad'!,ra.so[ crm now bener help the- IcUent: get wbat he needs" He has ma:flfY mere OpdO]liS, aad SiO;me'of them may naUy ~sked
be ~d] bener for '~he customer [han 111c bond or note [~e' orlgl['(If,

'ale ..
'fhe point here i impl~ and incredibly irnportane, The higlhx:ir

With experience ill

YQUIi

pankcu:lmr!leld"

you win learn tht Eypes,

]6

!L

p,

\E

RF

PieR'

UA

I O·j

S Til: A-

I:.,'

I.

'

~61

of highly valued c Ueri.a thal cu tomers lypkally have, '''l'it:h that infoitlflUl:tiolll, vou can till ire easll tailor yOtUpreSienra[ion and . elee lion of ,p~;d:llIClS and servie 'II meet their needs,

Ev, n more infurmQ.tinn fl!tft be found by exp]orlng ho people ~hh~k about their fues. R member t:'llaptel' Two. di ~'U' ing " I'IYJ,r:dand w-;tay, from ~1floti",a:lion? Nnw we're going 10 find Qut ~'haJi thos Slf.af~giesa:rc ~i' tbose a (lund YOU,uhoSie whom you ant [0 ~iiilll1!U!!1Ce.-When >~Oll, a k someone; ··Wh..t will g_cu~n~ th~t d~, for' em?" h~ orshe HI ,e:ill:ie[ answerwith more valne worn, or ~i1i: w]s:wel' with words thOilundica.W the direcdon of his cr her
f .

IDQt!l;f<ltiol'ru strl1lt~g¥.

for ei'(~mple::nl<lny cllests knoking h:n ,0'1 bome wanl. tot" __ of' pace .When 'Olebroker 51:;; Whrr~\- HIbaying ~OiL of spa£: d , tOI" ..au?" one. cUc:nt 1l"lli.gh'l. ~::I : ' h will ail(}w m-e10 ,ltve tbe :F[e-edom io move aml.!m;l:~ wh:il' _,mthel- mi:=ihr answer, "The'pit 'will k£!p 111' fn:JiITI fee]ingd.uttered," __ These two clients are e mples of the two o'ppoit.e t2 P' 01 MotiW)ltio-n Direction. Peoplewho ar -- motivated w"lIIard' u e words Jlke: '·a,~I:lIi.ll;" 1"gaJ1illll, , "'achieve, ·rew~'d,s. ,. Those who go
t" ~

,,V toward: "9 .1can travel," 01: '·0 I can g l married n or "Then I can have a ranoh and raise ho ." .others will d.t~'c:ribwhlll theycan move alVa],'from; "So I can quit m.y job," or "S (j' [ can get out of debt or ,.. hen l CMl get divoL-oed .' ,. SimJi liltl.y, mcn:iley Can !'Ie used as elmer a toward or l!Wfi}l' fr,om value, As yon l,eaTi':rnl :i:~CI,rm.arLir;m, a:bD1J~ the Moti v:u~O[l Direction of otlb.ers makea menta! note 01" _clua'JlIy wrile it do\-'I{I'I. Knowing ~b:~s infotmali:oll will allew ym.l, m~djusl oureummenieation to be much ;more persuasive. Wh~n ll)'i:ll:lg [0 11~li ater per...uadc SGm one, be 'UF that you aT' ' using their preferred Motfr ali '01 Direct jon in ombiaation wHh their criteria word. If he 'l:C.!l~lIIDO' usc UW'l:.ll :i'om ~[1 II certain ·~tu.atien, then ~fyou W:1I,m 'F!!fl' ffH:.llti vine: her YO!ili would p(Junt out wb~:il.1 W01ll'$ happen if she h1!JIY1' Y01!lJ:p:r,ocl~CL "If yon buy U:iLi, car. you wiUavoid r(!ill'! ,aWlI}! jr,r;Jm 1;.V\oro,}[llrmer e~pell:ls>e ia repah:sa;nd maintenance" (her ,crnler]O[l word = elliopense " HOW(lNe.: i, tend 5 be to be more rnetivated by ~owa;;d' words in .<1: specific slruarien, dei"

them to m

scribe the posibve eM win earn QU

outcom . '(,. ~n rea b~ motivation. Bl.llying this the admlr lion <)lul re peel nf people !;vho apprehi, cdllelli.. = admiratioev respect,

ciate a hig_b-pmoli'm~i!'Lce car petfemtancel .

a~va)'J~m'fwU5-e wor~1.slike: ,. av,raidi. from, " Th]

..

ease:'

'f:l'e:lax:'

• get

.01w.ay

is OIn{: pf the I i~1;gui i pa~ts N euro- Li Ili~.!"~listk: ,of Programmjng, You can cty;aHy hear these d~ tinetions in a person __ 1~n'S
Some v,a1uc W~ rd.' ob k.lu,ly show you 'the.:~oU\i'~h IiI d M -- . OF ,eam __ ple, fun] __v,allllfl with atowur, ouva:U,O:11I o,i tion: cll:ilall nee is also wW~iI'd. Security' a vailu~w~tIaJ,al!ll, awa ' from d!il'mcrti.o,n. reedom c uldge either way, SD ,it s im . rtant IDuI fi';,Uow up this value w~,th t.il qlJ: snou: "\i hal does h<lvin,g u-eedqm, (1060'1' YO-lIT'" If slite' sa;y!; '.' to get aw,ay from censtrai rns, •., you know it;~~ 'iWCi)I' /rol'l'l' value. tf hca:ys "tn mID'\!\.1 me to experience sn IUOU)" • '. it is ,l ,~oi'vard va.1ae, Many :peop:!e say, '" want 'UCC~SS, .' When you ask. "'\:, h,a:twm euaec.
.0

Dir~clton,

,0

'Usmg a penon' ,Ihlnkil],g tll1iktegy 'il!i ~[Jlo~her- ~y m motiv to: \ and pe[l~u!ld'e.Ho ~_ '10 ou know which 'Eh-iol>: ng '-trau'lg .' t~ • ppeal i to'}' rhe-e.'i: movements ,,,nd tbe h~l'lgua,ge'l1fSierl ory tltinkJng modes are prob,alb] the mO~I[ widely known part.'> of N~ P. "~ uneers Riehard B lUI lerand J,. lrntl Grinder <l:liO!1g" Ub then-s lid em Robert DiU ,. dLcov-emU that the uncunscious movements of a person'

ba\linguoce:s5

do for }-'ou'?' some

ill !lay whon sueces

will Uow

eyes, reflected iO'l:em<illithi,l'iI.king stl',aJt.egi:es. A bask knowledge ot eye movement MLd body movement can gre::!tly incrcase pr,e(}l1h\Uu (j pef:SI.!~&iY~FlessJecOlusepe-op1.esometimes ~lajl in ,3, Icclrtain mode of l ~lli;i~nkjl1g a' wli1Ue. A$ you'H reeall from Chapter Wi,) , we have for five scnsofl~ sy 'tenus. but we 'pdmal'iJy u e ihre of fhem 1\01' thinkmg: ih visual. the auditory, and the :fec~]ng" u can teJl when
f

.f'

:::lClmeiClne-,s prooessing i[[~O'im.<lr.]On ,,~suaUy,~h.en ~hey are. uncorri s:ci.cla'&lyl.df;)t~rng m(l', That is. no[ loeking a[ a[jjy~hiflgonthe ,©m::;]d,e". blJit at sOI'lr;Le1thing obvi.G1:.!l.sly i!l!temllJ. AdditiQitl~l cues inelude: when [he;,)! am pm.fil.~g_ al ,11 ,]ae~ilii~,sp<Loe like 11 'Sg:m~:u + when tl1:e:y tall at ~,I.·ap'I,d mte~ ~D'metim.e~with (ihoughts a:pr'lO'ln:ndy disj'(}[l'Ied. Of when they US'.\! words referring w :seeing {Jiftm'~Jj'. {1:n:i\lge5, or movies, When ~hese bellaviiors !iJ~ conf'i nued fO'f se'\lde'fL:l1 se:ccl:1,ds. a[len;~:!{i] [fi> pri,ll1llltrl]Y pr®€ess~lil!ig his oX' he r 't:xperiJe-flce vj:su~1~y. . ..' Di stiaet fl'Gifil .poopte ~S;lliJi,g 'Visurd prO'€ess~m.g ewe those who Ij;eep h)'(ik.i[~g ~Qi~:ltTIlnld 'lO their kit, wfuefl they !isl pO[!TlS, poss iMy on tlse if fingers, whe:l'l(h~y Itrr:mmble tOI [lI-ew:selves, w~e:llJth,~y ta.lt 'Out IQIJ!d i[a a nlO[lOW'fIe. oFt.en tou.d.l.ing or stroj.:;illg (heir face ,~rw1;je:n Ole~'lise wQ'~c!g,roieujl1gt& wluu reopl!e taM,. i.rea,"{},. r re...J, When o l Uley w[a[fn:ye. to dD this :[O[ ~!i:ve[ai s~crm.dl'§. I[h.e:}i ~[-eprimm[-ily pl',ocessiIfJlg U~ek expe'!'i'e'ncewi:lh ~\Jl'tli1Thd:s ~n{[\:l,'ords~ n'l.u is, mldil;D~ the. l~ini ~<HeR6ry t~\!'I'hen ·~eople ltet.:'ll h:mking cl~lwrlJ~!~}lh(;]'r r:iglu.,. Ei:ig;~i1~g, tOi[l~htn.gH1te'i.r heart illjrea or &nl!()~lbillg their b,jlids GIlll ~ ,gj,f'fVI Oir ,[1. til1!lgh, SOJi':l':ledmes w.Qen they~al,k s!oiwly,.they 1~1.s,e words reftrrin'" M] baw t\]ey Jf!d or ..g~'asp f.IJ lOl,~r:;h[he world ~I~ canerete ways. the:ytllo~h!s[ur se:vern~ seconds, tl:u!ey are prin::IM'ily prooes-si.ng 'm~ir experieace lJ:siIDIgjfl,(:U~8s" . An peeple.can ;,~liltdotten d,(jJ use all ,of t]~e~'e d,i:Were]Th1en~()ry ~ modaliries forlhinli]lJJg_" U&uall~. we a_fIemilQvjbr~gqu.ickJy fl'\QITI O[l.e~G ~IlilYthefi!nQ bad ~s; aU]" eX[?erien'U~,e,eh(l!!lges. W:he:n~oUJ];I~[~CIe semeone is using one of these m'qdll.l.hies ~Qir a riCW U1,omerH, yOU! can ma:lr'h his OJ[ aer tl1i[lllking &ty~ceaIle! im::re<!Sler~JI[)!{}rt. With l~e visy.aJly :spocjal~7:em lhinti]l!g styh~'ioffe:r a [.liiClll~·e~r I.ThOV~e: HThe;\1i.ro1y[ see l~~:w YQU·fe~!iel1ling t[~i"spurchase , .. ." WHh tihe ;1ud]wrily ~pe.da]j7.ed lhinldTig ~ty~.~, oUer v¥urds.. lesPeCi~lill)' h'JJ:!I Jist: "F~o<~ what yClcl~'re h!Ub~a ms, ~ h.!2laJ' yo!!,!, saying U.l2il " , .' With ml,e feeling [,hink.i[lg ~tyle, offer ,~ol.ilThe~ll[]lgwi.Lh feeling." 'lf~. gr'lup whtll: j7DU'W::" gi'lf'eit me sofer, YOUlf sense of lfuJe &ihmuon is (h~t " .• •• W~CH YOY:fclieJ:1lll smiles wM1'l llecug,nr.M ii()n tJi:llilt !>on1t'!Ol'JU::: !L!lmZlersla~lds her, you . .can 00 sure l~.l[(l w~ al ~t(l,!J.I are p:r-esent]f1g i:s being ~!l!.si~;yUli1d.eT:S10OO <lind .responded tao
liiy.

Wb~lI

ln previous ..chll;p:Lers. you have learned hq;yw W makesomething more cO:fflpemng, ~~md ere nmti\l'~dll'lg to you b:y increasing 'ffie .... m iv~ idnes 01: the submndalities-ia your mind's eye .. ¥'Ou camIm,ake ~""h[(l you're 8J(:nrac[ed ~Qward or JCYJ.'11Jpe:~I~d avoid rL']!!,u::bmore intense by f:~' Il:iliilJ.l;:ifig t!,1:erm c,~fJf>e;r, o:igger .. Jm~Jr-e'c1cn!oduL and [~J)~Ol-~unu,~ns]uwd. Pro~es,si(Jilm] persuaders narural ]yadd tlid:s pewerful dimension IDQ rn~irpr(j'Ds,[lI.s ~tnd present<l.ti~l'l~ W Qilll,efS.,YQJlI CllU'J learn '~odo itt: ecnsciously, Fo[ exa.mple,. yOy wght. say (0 .:iprospeet V.i~Oj~ mnli va~da..~j~ljhJm, . 'There <l!1.',e ce~it~.~n diffieu ~lles Y0lJ:'ve '~~)kll'ne that }'ifOi CW;[I]JJt~o11void----do'!j,.'oi'I]dm~, ]Os.t prDduct! \il1y .an1:d Cost overm~ls.-~fUre !~he:y ~e~ too dose. r~J!l.e[:Q;ey':re bua:IJring down ¥'OiWl!;' . neok. Let m~e.W;IfI]tI~[!:how w!lJr.!'Xtm o,fl'er ~aili!L pfpV]dte relRef. ' , With 11 ~mspec[ w~~JJi:s m©l[ivated iorw.ard ,yOll m:igh~ sa)" "l ~,O]iU't klil,l1)iw how colr'Jrjid ,3J11d:(J(;ti(}f1~1d,~ed future y~li "i,~t~~]ilhi~, [l. oomp~mj' 10 tlii!l)'!,iif:'~Oiw;~u:dl. LeC S ullt aibQUiL Inrw big yom 'pl<llls!;lre and! ~QlWll:lTIlly CiQi]'Iu'i~l$t1Qn can make [116m. ev,e.Q b.t gg,er {mod ·arid. di. 1'n~uilm,~to them VI,aw." Wlii,en you use ''l.l~rdS, in ihis ~v.~y. add.~.llg ~ub~'l~dahty ,;jch ness a[ld viyidJle~s h:! the values and inll:lges [[fuJa~ y,ol;l!,r"prolff:pe'Cts. ,Cltems ~ IQli' em,p'I'G'Y~e:.s a!re!lke~dy :l:esponl:d,irig[o. Ifrrlus is. very ,e!,s,ua5~~e., 1:: :i&, 1 .11Wiay to make your product Or service more corn pe1lFing• altrnc[[ ve, and inn uenrlal. Tire easiest W<ll~ to do I~.~:i,ss '~o ~ua!';ie yQifiJ!f own mte"ffi!d jmages i ~rl oou~[j s :dU.n'e l.IlItcel]Se: aUld. oOiflil~le! ring by ~dj t:!sting y!.illlili D\1i.in irutet1lJa~ subm~d~t1iti.e:!i. ]_~~ big. eompelllng, al1([ dr~a:l'h:~ for yo~, ~'fs i:mI yow own nnliiLd. this wiH be expn,iss.ed n~ti!,J1raHyhi yOU1i' atc.ti.o~s., words, expre~s[ons. ge:.s~u:l;-e,o;;and voice tOilliC. Tn]nt. df<lltl~, think • bigger 'W<f!:fiI. f1e. Y ou're ~iik;ea swry~eJ ~~1'of old, bring in1:!;to I:We.your !i tde[i8 aad vi sien, Af~e".f <l.U,U1iJal·~. whatall H~e-eolor slides, comp~l~!ev~ generaied gnlphics. and Jfancy presentanons .sre fi';OilUy ..l.~Oll'l, ' 'fhey ! are to C.~plm:~ the <l'tu;]lUO!1 of '[l'le aUtJ:h.'JlltCe:, lilll.d h~lp' 'thenil ekper.ue]'ree 1in.[J.~ tfuE:if lti~gh.es.t '",.,:al w m he fi..lHiUed wiiHli W~lIa[ yO~l aile ~es presentillg wH.h m(lvi!e$.-. gmpill)]cs.. iaSlllr8',©'f mllliic., Now ~ou:Jj m.ii. (kn e
<

no

N !~ear ",~hal YOli re ,ja;yi~g," '-~PvegQta. [gf(I.Sp 0]]1 whm .:rou've laid ; '0111.][, •• wii[h me Irodi:mr~. erson. [J~:i:ng S:L!bGl~,o~.ai.~ty!aHglmge~ dep to scribe your pifodll{:ts· q~O'iHtie:s <lI:rud thebencl;Hs it 0:ffe3"8' w~II l/i]a1k,ei,l
H~.
j

Wal w~~h y!Ollrpl"Osp;ectsiu ~ way M8~ is lucre personal, In(Jn~,exact .. more 0n.-[~I1"~(5I: mal) a'Iil!Y c:or1lJ.puwr yct im.~g~.IDJ!'~. \'Vhe:n:t we hear slIJ:mejj].imD.g. even frem <LIIl.othe:r COI)ven1nhl'lJi! \V,e een't heljD bUl make im.age~ ;m.cl s0l11111ck of it in OlJlr head. The P:lofe:sslolllll p~frnJ!ada lkuGWs thlS~lliW.it:i vd.y, In NLr' we tnow it eX]lUcilly .Y,u cillln~~ffllor'(~i):utliIilll!!Hie:a~.~. arc CQl1IlIl1!'il:U[I.lCaU[u.g We ~IU'It'ln; t:ilme. The oldy questi:nIDl is: '.• How ,deg.arn:[~y'!' or" Hu'w tn!WIUQ~al ~y{t D:q Y.(l]):U,WMU. to justlet Y01]J PiOOiP,@\S",1e seen, er do' YOl] wan't b people 1(M~!J(relience IlOW h willlig,]jt up inlpO!]'t1l1Iilt goals arid: re.alu2;e ~OlJI[g~faIDi~ rlTho're ];mpactful benefits? ¥OMCfln <licW thls in~ueli:l,dIlg p,lUem iby plillctueifig:UiS'iflig s'l:JlbmOd~dHywnn~~. ~Idding S]]~l'~;le.m.ilJfl
>
T

you mean" wilit'fr1 (he vi 8U,fIJ] person,

W[~Eit~.'We<'II.ll!dH:orypenofi,11~d.

big. b[ig~t~

(:nliOt:f'l.~~. cOl1~FeUingJy al-nd

~ttr~ctlive

i~, ~he ;rI1J~m;l>Of~h.e

]):uy,e:r •

colortn YO!JI speech,

WUh a I ilUe Pli1C(](,~, you find it e2ls~ to cO[1J;Dl'Jine the!l!e :silup,le perslollasi.oirl r3im.e-fl1I~'into every qjll.a:I.i.fyi ng mlervk;w, eV'ery pew business (:Ol:illoo,t, ,e;\~eryfflll~:i.ne OClOaS]m~,This win [\lake 'emu:.. ml():JiJj~ .ICb:@,t'I~~ ~l]. your :pefSJQ]])~d ",t1ettivefles.--s;, St}Qn. ~he a,lt!]lit¥ [0 iIDIjjlh.-1encc oU1l:ers win become !jie<;Qnd ]lI~m.!.!;eI\)r yO!]. Re:membeL': lis~!enfulig ~atke5 the p.m,S])~c~~.ye cli.elit fed goncl ,(lmtl provtdes YGl,l, <III (:)IlPorh.lnJ]ty t~ h},1ill a~Qut the client's needs and values. 'Va[ues ]]],clu(le b.Qth',s~Jed:fic mtll-er!I~:I'spedfl~<lti0]11S·~:Sl:achs. a size: color, ~.Ild, mUptU) ;;iJJ~,GI ~~':lore !!]r.nend ~1t'il'eTi1i. {such as dllJirdbiJ~ My, PJ001~hmut.y. s.afely J. To cldermi fie v:alue,"~.<t$k. . . Wh!l[l ~Q YCflli valuei na . T" De[trml~~'[ewh]ch ©if these crireria are most importsmro the (:ili~n~. ,asllh.ese .~fettle rU{JS( 1Ci!:l:mpeUlng and mOl':iV<1Jt][I~ and \,viU pm\ii~e y~u wIDth l~hiegre3.IDe.st f~el1:olt1 to s:alj[.sfy the client's needs. Tofind moore ~I'lfIPQ~.1I::arrt Q]"i~eria-. a>s,k. "W~~li!!rsim.pumJt:1it to yO'l;]al~Cl.lIit. TOW hen y.ot! krt®iW the eUen!' S needs and 'ii\lll11eS ,. Y(11,!I. can e ll~Hy C1e~~!,mi!'le~~fhere k~ a m~]u.:h b~lw~ ~ [ t:fuem, :;md I[h~ productc¥t service yql!'l pf01JtW.e. KJn:OWUIl.g :~])Je km ' Ii el ~~ract](]n of mou~vation., IOWilJ'd 'Or a~1"i!'lJtm~l, lets Y[),L(jd¢scrthe f yomrpl)CidlJecli rr & way that ~s r:ili:lir'4Ue] w~t~ how t.lhe di{f[lt a1f'~.dy tbink-s. Ta""~if(:l: "This, product wi,Hp!-"Q,.d,/Je.l: b!i:ne,fiits. .Away from;' ·"Wilh mis pmdtu;::4:. yOii!iJ won't e'ver ~1.<lVe p:[icbh~'In:li. DeteiroMlling y hJ®w the client pl'lmJlr:Hy processes. bllff('m1L'-<l:~i.C1fi ~_Uows you (Q [:[uu.c:,h U'1e wOl~U:iey c:il:.peliente eV!C:i1!lS mOS;1 1}~wedlJlny, u.~<jng '., I se.e w1Ni:t
T?
11

wm

tllJere is oae more jnll.u;e]1J:l~~pl3lu~m ll:1a~yoriJ!must learn at lti~S 1'0.( 10!!.'lc;:' thar underlies allthe ©'rner plau:e~rm;;: we' ""~described, Litrti asoIWfill!:!:Idal~Qi[I H SUPPQfIlS [llem a[J, It is M:t It U::-;CillThi~,l!e;~a~.h"ef H s[I[perd:l:r80J;'ge..s. aU of til\te fJlho'Vc. n cC!mJ~'5 under atilall), names: exOI~tHl1LefltT ,eJlH'n~Sii:acSrill •. ell aslsma, personalpower. Ir3 NiP W~ Ca.UII: ])erso!'l~]cG~w:uencc" OG[l;JJgill!enCe means rno:1:t flll pMS OfY®ill! are~n
j

total ,;)I]ig'l'lJme:m: with Wh~l 'YelU']£' )jroil)~illt me memem. ~t means tQ ba'ile~~d~ r~t,pon wiili, ym!ll:seH m~[ wh!ii.Iy.ou say ,c~mes ~oW([d~ l;ly from ~Iitj)n and eaIDI anract andi 1:'1 nl]e~ceG'~beni: ~~fot\e <I wow is i

:spokelTh.
PIC.l'~laps: [h~ best way to ~11.llsu~m.e.C"'OF3;gfill:eflG~i s to' describe ,{iI(;lortgFl.:!I:e.ru::e. If you've e'HH ~m[:i.cl:ea pire~~iiiI.~ti.W[)in wili:lil.~epau otr)"'Pu was \voul']:I.lig about bilb, er the kids' i5d;wu:ll, yo~ .kr:H)iW wn<1Jties liketo have y.crur HUe:U[,loill:l divkled be;MNte]ll Wh11~.:you're tu::tt[<tUy dQ[I'{g now .lll'iJd Dt~H:;_rC6:rl.cems [h11~,need Ilo be l~lI.~enC;:'2lre h1.~ej':, You have <1Jtsop!Jfcb;ib:1y ]jJori.c~c1 I[chat yLmrpre~-efil1lti[!lJi. slitTers when yt:1%~li"IU'eiIl~:iOn:JJU:S diividedin t~hiUS way, COlmg:r~e[i]ceb; tetal aRe~f~Cln [o~h<l~ :!f~l!l' l:~ doing now. In Ilpb,. ert A. He~mM.~[fir'8, lQience~fl£:'1i!~H1J S Chl~.sic:, Stranger in a Slt,an$e[,Q~Tti, .1~ woman de~cribes IVfich<ld V <l]lenti.~le Sn~Hh. s~o,~a1.aU~nli;®lJ: ~!1, this way: "Whem; he's kissing yuu, he h;n:li't .doing>1iiluyth1'.ng else!"

or

1I,lo.iu~oll'le, etc. At best, these will only distract a!ld confuse your d~~e~l:L WorM, he er she will in!icrpret t]],ese sign;;)l, eo m~i:ni1!Eh,iil' A[

m~e

Whe~ we'Fe [nc(m.gJlllJen~, tiNe p~I'ilS ~f 'Ul.S[[~'U are nOll fffl,lriU;sed On t~e t<i1)1;:at b~~d mypk~l.Iye~pi~S$ In}teJ'[lI~e! ves.i 1'1 :I101nvle:rb;;l!~ :behIS!1I,liC]X' fOOllaF:lJ1~~. g~:;nildllg O":lt[Jl~ w]]1.d()w, a liig~1~P(i~ch~d.setr,aineolj

[72

t,

POW.ERF

L Pf:RSU.ASIO

It PI T

G rES

you are :iJi]OOfI]_pe~efit f d:is,honl: t Study aif~e:i ~tud}l indi,ca:mesthat, O approxinrlal-e]y {Or percent ~f cOj;JJ1_nlunlcil'[[On is 1"I00l.... rbal. "The e e ,~ll.!diie. I'o Hnd tint! when pM:p] are (a ed with a verbal messaee a !ha'r 1'1:11. an incongruern ncinve(:bhlloilHnpUi1l!en~I~ such as 'the 1;i,lords "I respect you." sp~)kern bi Ell s,l]ic.kerlnO' vloit,e [pine) they win usu~ny re ~p(md It.O the nonv"l.'baX message-s-even \ hen they don't e n,,, ]Ous,~yrel;o:gntzeil! Since peo,pl reo pond 'opmIJ(ITuiIIYIIJ' incon,grue-nce. i~, C"Ml' ut~genniue or d troy:yourclQ:mml.l:lTli{;~tiun ,. [even when eve:ry~.h:ing else you po is '\I.pp,re,'rhrme, In the' peevieus chapter, )iun lcaf'lleu men specifu w,"~!'J to build Trnng_ :reIanons hips whh 'J.the~ . Since vou've decided rhar thep eople ~]U:l wb,pim you do business a.nd' HIOS.' with whom you hJ1l.ve other kiads O'f reia:ho[1sl'ii.ps deserve ki~d 'of ,consideratiun." d)e~,~'s oae more person you hould consider des.e:rvlog of

113

IEXlERCL'iE 2:5::nNDING

YOI'UR SlGNAJ.£r Fo.R. CONG.RUEN~ij ANn ,IN ONGRUENCiE

1.I,t!ll()~n~emce,1 b~ctir.:;l S'J:ep hrU:[tlll:lg oo~k~f.lli.o Itciali.onsrnp \i ~~hYO\lt-selfi tOo lrno.w when lO'IJ're Hot. TIm p <I meluo1Y of
of r,illJpOillwhlll. )'ours~K VOl! \.\ITL"ru~ncof!gr!.ie'll~. !Pick a yotl: w~ sm;m.gly ,collilkled and were 110i ' •a~I .~yt1!tem$ ,glo ..." V\,1lhe~Y 1Il re,me.iiIiDiber wlmJ;lt illS like tOI be in that situatioi~ bCllllgul!n.

~iJl1le ~'he[l

Il,oti.cc wh!d you see: who!s there: whati, .g:nilllgon; whitt are :you;
cholees: what are YOM. l>!:lJ'lIJ!S ym.u"&e~f om loud aliul iiH~!d,g tn 'line.ad;,<rnd !,-"hat the ethel: persoll i}; s<lying and doln,g,
Y(JiU1T

,mi

:ii-y,m., in£1urnag aU the ditte-lienl part o.f you. A \Idse person once said: "You're I~l:ieamy pe:roorr you have to wake up witb eV1e:rymeming • . • and 51nee you' [It; gQi ng to d,o it the rest of your li:fe. it. mighI as wen beom~th:ing you feel gr~al .bout lind enjoy." 111me we uften push ourselve 1I.]ORg bccau ~ we need a shove to gdgoiflig. 'CerufuJily t!her:e are tiJ1TIH!~ W~e:i~ we do .!teed lo,ploll; thr,ough .our resi ·tlmoe 0'[ gup:prre~s·Oitl.' feefing .. But. you emlllJ,wckly tired or doine that. here <we prob\liibly times when you j II t w~n:l [0 ~~te:[Id ynl'!TSieU. Consider :~I':I pocl,;-sibi1 i.l)!, tnil,l: to you might Will1[ to pay auemlon 'l:H ~~(]ursen even more lhlln )'0111

ge~

do nuw. \~';lu~nh Qome' to ourselve .. some of us have more ._pe:ri~nc.:e at breaking :!"a.ppOifa Ilblll1 II:IlIihifung lt, TmJiJJk of just a tie w of ~e l~1;l'leS when YIO:U' ve r,rn'[ilo'red wh at you intl!1iti'l1d),knew W<lS 6ght 'for you-times you didn;l do something [J!1al you valued h:ighl. , Pel'ha~'}$ when )IOU'VC done that in ~hep'aslt. thing didn't tum Ol:lt well, Someti,iues )1\01)1 mi,g~lIteven have fel!t IOllit of rap;po:l'lwit'h :y'o'l;~,f"dfwhere @ue asp.eciI:of you warrD;l,ed one libiog alw auothespart of y~u wanted $.om. t! ing else, 'Offen ~ple only nodce thee reeliing' a UN' Qfitething go wrong" "You k:HOW. ~ had a farmy feellngaboa; 'll:iatituati!o,n ,t lbe[i~." TIL . Ii rsr . tep in dealing wi thin congru~]];CO is to notice i'~clc.a:rl.y a ~Il:' happeni.ng... fl1!l1t YO'll C<lI.n do oomlilthinga'bout it. before it' t,o ~ teo
I

.2" l.ru:;~ll:gru.en'C'I! SignaL 0"'''', 1t00ioc hgl;~' yo~ [eel. it.emUy scan YOL!l hody with YUU1: aw;u; uess md n:mjce tliai'lllcrc i.:.' '~mn~ WilYyoukl'J.ow dla~ YOIll ate not in ,enmplele. ageeement with yourelf. W1111e. o~ [IDlY mn be .. ble to pm ,ifUo WUfi:.d,<; 'Ci(.<!cUy how~'lQu y knowf,hell 00111re '~IJ ~~l;Inflj~t thi wa .11 is impof:!:tlLlllt 'Ihal you a in C3JIlI not]c· tille feellag o· sen sfldoll {Ita~alerts yo u to being iII engru.eI~.L O:fllf[J, ~~e 8igi:'laJ Eo, ineengrueaee is an IJilllpINI~I.rI!!t' ~'11:11~ pooye,1I OIIlioll. of "·\""[OIl.,glile~5'· fe]'~· mewhere ill 'tile ehest r ~lly .~. Sometime!; Jl"«Ip!1eUioticc 'tha'lillie ]'el1 half 0:1' ilii area has .one feel ibljg;,!lIfi~ t.herigbl 1n alf has B. very d:iffel.'1Cnl f~(ili'll!g, At the midUlle. wlle,re [these two diff~1! III f~el,ins teeet, dle[1e i a .J;:01;iiilinJil of misITlEllci1li'ig. w~l.icbis u:Snlally felt,all UH(;QJIDolitable. Wlh.e:re ,exiI{it.ly dQ ytH,IfQel )'(HIIl' fe~Hng of i.uoo.lIgruerlct> in i'(~l!!r 10 d)l. <lind '\Vb 'i. ]S '[he quality of (hi" [eel illig, ' Now re.mem rer [h is. i(jc]il'l!f. By rem.enilieril'lg 'Iillis,e.el.ili,!, jn[ d~l:a.il, YO-Plcan u eit ill
J>

the r,U1:u.re to s~gl1iall Y,Oll. whenever 'you beena Ie [cia.. a momem, x

j,I:I!COf:j,grue:nL'

()iW

,J. C~'I.'CtU(mcfi.The nex~ Step i to. piCk. 3 miCIUQJ1)' Of to,tal CQIlD~ grue:m::e ~l!Idre·crcah~ il ill. ),'Ol!lf mind. W,fI '!hi liil\!ll3tio:l:I, what d ynu see?W1rlzu do Y9i!1hear ~\:Vhalj.; happelling?
f

4. '"'Io.,~grum;eSig,uzl~ How do :you rel;':]" \¥hallsl.he Ji:ee1in!! tb.~l serves as a i.gDiiil~ ltJ)'ou thar j'i0'1J <we •'al II ~~5H:ms:go""! U.~u:al~y the si.gnal for 't'ongm.enc.e is :J pka:s.an'~ who]e-bo~y .feeling cxc~t[lmelit rreadiaess, Pel:)[,e have man}, wa}1~t •d 'cribel:b' , fe-e~.i.l:1.~.of oO'ngDl-l"C:.II1t::e,Some 'V;' in ' ay. ., J earn IdlJ,;'sci:'i~ ]i, W ~

of

C:amiffJl(!.~f

174

L
j ~~t ~h,<t~:I k!l1t)w. ~t' Rln i~rulli.oIil." ~Qime pBopl.e hear 01.Ml\OfLg 8 voice Sill', "0K, ktt:s go!" AJmO!S:[ vct)'{]II1l!; repnrrs seme [Jh)'s~ e k"lI~~lfiSmiQn'~b ,ac(;Qml7!~ii!:le& their'iierlise at of .'g{,l, for it. .• Ofwil ~t--~ere LS 0\ !,\£i'icS.eof o"i~ml1 symmeLTY ,ann ru:ilgrlJlnem ;,1'1 'U1~ tm&y, Ofn:el'! the:rre is (ilkl~ldng of Dpt::F.rtl'ess. frequently in the cnest. Anl1ther feeHnll i~ Qfooi~g dfftwn 'fOIWrurd, lIg<lin prin'ii:l!"Jdl:yi'l1 lile
U~f:st.

Morriru Wlleiie ]1] yGl,IU b(Ddi¥ yOilil feel YQurslgllOliI [oico~]g1'U:e:UfI~~. fi~4 so<me words for the (!jual.ity 0;[ 'l%i,s, fed in,g, and :rem.ernber b~l:b 't~le 1'ee~i ill.l~ th~ words, This Gm~serve ;)lOT).ll~e future '3!S tl,g. i eEL ~gn!l!~or powerl"ui cO:F.Ig_nu~ntt, whel~ all parr[s of you o:IT~ !li~glmerj, 5. CalPpff,~ ,f'~(riZ;'ng!l,. N~}w t<ornpa'lie the fadillg ~:~r ,cm'lisme_l'It~e Ul,ityM.11 j~$l ,c~pede:nC:(I;d. wit1] the previO:Lli'> fr;~]lnrgoJ in~@IlI~rucn4.1e, lI!1ldnn.o:th::en,uw H±IT~~e.n~ tlfley are, Cm:ri!p:fl:r~g Ute. '~.'("O wiU I'llLake ssch o,t:tl:!~m fJl.ear-er ro'tj'OU, Lftne~~ f~l,rll:g~ aJre i[ll diiEf:e(eJrnT pa~s: .®1' y~t!!r bOod.)',. :Wl;}l,Im~ be able tD ,crn'Ilpaft:them by 'l()cli.~~,

them

1I:i

the same '~irne"

HQiw~'\le[,

:UlimstiYiXlple

I!IsUlaHy

1'i.11c!1 il

easies to c.(Ii[L'I~)I!!J(~ tWQweelitlgs s~ql.m.n~1:JHy,by "SWi'lCb,!l1g the rn)m oae t(~'~~e; other f;'!urly qui,.;kly , By '"if:n'lilJ'I<ilf][lg these two fcx:I~,ng8, in d'~~lIi.tan,(l fCi:mlern!:Je;Ll ng me.«: di:lTf11'eil'!cc:.'l'.you C<l!!:tiI~ways, k.H()W un t1~.ef l:I:~lr~W~U':11 re you: iHOOUliW'YeLtU (Ji, cEmgI'u~mJl•. an.d U~(l. rhi Sail (lill!~l]ifllg~~e(]b~t:k1lii the U[lle. ]f Yl;)1Jlh<!~~aillY dilifiiCulry~eUili1!g ttifl dii ffmm::e. I:let"li~~~ cotlgm.em:e i.l~din:ro~wCl1!ce, yOl!ilpmhably di.dn 'l~ak!e.cm'l~~gj~, time to w<Jllyrefu're'!]rn:1)e.:. w1:i.mi[ was like w I'Jc in each experience. YQW! Iq(1cd 10 ~eally g'iCI!:Jack ttl the two e:l;1'lCFiell~es, lEi re.capwre aU IIJtC sensaricns ll.uu;1ed,! [J~, and '~hJ~:mJ f com.l!~m them,

RJegaining Your Own RapporM

Now tha[ you. G"I!~ tell lJ.(I.41e:f1 ate in :L~1IiPpOl'twith y(JIur~:elfmUJ.d y,~nt wiI:J:etlyoo.'re not, you J];~cl tole<lJr:l11 what to do abol;[t the Urnes when you "'&re :l:nCGi ngWe:l'1J(, Many ~m1Ll:ml]]1Iica~iOl!ltland selr~hdp pro:gr,a'ms talk abo:~t' 'bi[leaikInrug. t~,w:l[:Igh" ~nd ,,'(fV,e,'fit;OI'll)~.JI1Ig" YQUIl ()'WI1IITS~S~ ~iSi:lTIlI:::e, AU ,(if ij,S, ~ill'l'1e:hmes 19~[we Ol'SU[JipreS5 GJ1lC ()f more of their pacts h~m[:lot3!!!"I'Yso that we ~al'l ~ l 'somellbi Ilg dQm~, However,
i

when )lonny to b~$ tb!o~gJh ~t. it ]USl I.·es~.sn;even mO[~J. lr yuu're ill conHi.ct with a. frkml or bl.l.:S.~[LeiliS HS~loC]Hte<m:d UItf:!Y"break thro.O~gfu ". Y07J!.l.r[li~JCC,t10IDiS.\ you p.l'!jIb~Lbly d.o:lli· t fee:J good - ..hawu iA. Most ]]~op]e r~l tgruored. tr.a:mpled. ~I[ WCI![se .a:lIld. yo.lu'in:n.er fliMiLS w i~ roo. Y()'Y need a bent!:t ~pmad] lo atHJlwith inner conttiet. 11. PerlM!pS you 'vesat dQ~l,,'tiIto write arepert, b[J[ '!f0'UJ ~ij!'ld'Y(uJfseH staring atthe B1illfiShliW ~lre:lm:i:n,gin the ';'';iJilldow .. Your lHi;d keeps w~:mtd.eJ!ing ttl 'mougi'ilts of li:I~kJ.[!lginthe wm.H::is,. or gQlf1g 00 tfuo' lake, lf y~)i!!)l try~o stolP~hcse rhou,gillrs, they' re Hk~Iy to sl'!eak ~~ek 1m<TIS ~QOOlas YO\U.ru;,e dis~'[;Qcte.d :flt'.pm stlppressi;l]g them, This type of I:!][emai wmHic;l is unpletlSi.trll; ;)1[ldi deAwil)lenl~~~o }/0:u:r Sl.l!Q~~::;Sill a)[lY \'en~ure.Lu·s like nying!G1 ~dv,~ y[Jir~:L' in Olle ctil\ection w~~ a lOW car tl1:!ck puJmg imrne oppOs]re d:i:r~cHofi. ;$ocmepe~ple gel~he idea ~E]al ll3vlng coo m:elinJig parl~ means I~.1H I[:ney ~re d ish,l~l')e;d. ()i~ tme, Our N V!lrh:)II!li8,somelime;s cornfflittirlgp~1!ft~ ase 'piI'l]y e'V!~d~lKI(! oftl1_cep.oteitlJtka]]y w ~de ran;@e of :It!eh<lv[f:![s [!Iila! make us cern p]eJ;, unique, and sjJcdal .i.rl.div±duals!]li s also ~nte lha,] .!1edudng internal conflic~ i.¥]'lpN)VeSfiWrnla~, he~1]nl and, Over 'l&lelong reattrl, proiJ@bly physical hei)!~lh O'IS we~l \~f'J:1JUeeve]oping d]sdp~h'JJe~mr oerselves ~s ~t powetl'ful skill for d peesonal evolntien, i,gnoilling ~r uverridirlg parts; of ourselves is .siQ~netil1JJ~rn,g ffe~,[. W~.e[ly61!11' '!,f,e su;ppre(lseda part ()if ycnJrsdf. ,di (bat pari: f.req1l1eti'~ly re~JiJi'ijs.-pf:tem even stllo,[!lgell. There's ill; ]t'$( of e:l1~rgy b.ebind[ som.€1.spt'i~~ of yoms.e~fth.at w j U retum time· aHef time, no m.OlIU1!f bow m:i.I(.~ )i'OU :[ryrrp' :sup'~n::~~,it. Par1lJdu;;;ic',llUy. you (;.11],gain mete Cft]l[Wi ever ~IGur w~ndeooig 'thou!'!~ts loy tempur.utUlY<l.ot!lOW~eelg~rug[hem ;';InC! a.)1h]g~19j:(j !J!tp t;CrotiOII3, h:l them. By ,giving in te Ui();~]ght:sof Ithe woods orthe IfL.Ke,< ytlU ean .[\ea:liZifl [l~OilU:u:is expresses ~!l ]11l:i[lna]lJl need lha~ y~J):! h~ilN~ i<g~(Jredr:or~o.o !:OJfilg~ <lie part of yau !"(.~Uzeschat YOI)] badly need that the rest t1!dd .e.rij9YIl'!I~[It. d1.e ~phtlbt"de m_ocl xercise that the woods Of e
c

paJi'~. of you \V:ilI]li[S s()mdhingv'ery wQrtl:~llvhik foryeu, you can mak..ell.ilm1pmm~sc ~'hal :rOlli, wiU go, Tho~h~ wOQds orthe ];S!ik~ the next weekend, or pedThllp~ e,fen that 'e:ve,]il'lg.Whe~ Y0U ['Ula.k~ fi[jfJ[\' promise U~~lbi.s. typ~cally a
the d~:st!",ac[ing pllr:! wl U b~
CQ~~eIU to

[ht: ~ak"ecould .n.rt~e:J YOiU., Once }'Oii)1 ac.k~'Ii,owied~eUl~[ [his dislrnc:Mng

when tfue[:'C:i:S~. part of yOlollh:liit. f s resisti ng.

$I1iOS[

ptlOple report that

wait u ntil the' weekend.

se;cm'e

176
~tdn:lde

P'

POWERF

1. p.

'UA··ION

SJRATEG~

W77

in the .kno"vkdg~ '~hatyou wil ~ reep ~'ml1r prorni e, and not need to i1:n.o ~'!/~~~l you're dCiiing now. In l~h]:llW:a)l. an tIb,eenergy IlJm.a:l isinvolved ill such a part orf you becomes 1Ul1 all nher than an lldve~llary, .111 same way lh<t'l people are your greasest resource and the you will d,() wbat ~ttakes to ha lilt: [hem,~ <It,~ies•• ]1] aspects of YOflrseU' can be yu~.t a Ities; 'YL",cn;ki,n,[l togethe ~(I yll]j[ h ~1>1 in[~ ~st _The allies 01':1 the in side ate as, importau] ft those on the om Dide~ ~ven wbt;1 there is n!<l inner eonlllet, y,t}M'U w,ant to build tfue jt!;oTIgesl :1"1a:aioro . hip po, isiale wi th t[ 1'1Ml,st anportant persouin your life: ... , you. To streJl.glh I1I~herehnio!n hip wi~h your elf, you can Use the sante steJl.~you le"lJnlli;d 'IDIl sew ith Sl)lme.'n~ e~se:iIl lhe u PI',C'ViflU_' chapter. Ju t __ in buildiil,g strong relationsaips with oat.hs ." Ute first step is, Ito set <L. g!:lal ll~·1 is nunnally re p ectful and
'sa~isfyiHg'. What goals do ::r"(nt have [[WIDe lIe]alipa:lsh[p wUh )l'0U;[-

AHgni:ng with Your Inner Voice

[Ii ffl previous chapter; you ~!earned how to align w:iUl another person phys~.c<lJly 10 gain rapport. "{'OLal can usea S]:~nllr ]l1Iillew a:Egflment

PHl'CeS

t'D build

<I sirOl'lU

relationship

WJ.thyour elf. 'file com-

plete 'PIO ess ~!i called Aligilli.n P,en;eptu.al Po.itiollJl, developed bv C!:ll'lluine Amd:rem:;. YO!l1']J be learuing It)lJ,~' Imporl:~]l1[ step 1[1 tNs precess helle-ali nin \ it1.1l1 ynut inner voice. Many of U~ have critical "mer veices. Allcen.a]!l nmes, we

s if?
The aeststep i to l1~iflg Pllier parn of yom- el' ·mO(1 . into the

:~O:l'eflJQnt your goal planniag, to make them ~~llore of imporunt so ma:[ you "11 ac know ledge and uuli ze 'Ihem mONo IT you pay more
a p]ayruJ part, for 6x,.Lm.p[e, you call m~k~ all YOllllr .<:i.cllv,ities ruore phtyrut Then you zan set re]8i~it'}:u1is.hip' goai W hh lilis part of you ~U j u.st liS you did \ i,th SOilleo'lll.' else using lC:;o~l ~chieyem nt Process.
;ilu~'ncl(ln to'

In Jude these :r~<I!nningstep fo yeur :inntlr£ela,tions,hi,p-tlm.ifik abOJ11 wh,a~.yuu w~Hin P,QSil]V~ t,enmS1 ~magine what you can do to Wial:e I:hishappen, kf!:Ow what evi I 'nee " ::.11 "howyotl vou're 1[1, ceediog, plan when did where you !.\"OUU thi: to occur, be ,~ware of an the bend] is !ind consequenees of this. and make: wl':la'leve.r 1JlJcljlJi!)hl]~.:ts
are !IleCe . ru:)'.

nurselve • .' ~1'OfW • ~'L!!pid.~·· r. ..~. can "t believe you just (~]d d'llat o again!" cO:it-"l'OiI!ll s.hollid have done' beuer!" _' .~'l!J:aiJythese voice are I'oud and fas t or have harsh arid nee jog IOn lirity . Some ,of us have inner \illic~~, that ea~ e Uoi)ul:lJe for us, in {lrJulJ' ways. Pe:rhap a vQke fllOS,Uy judges. blame _, nd critici s others. "If t.l1~( irgy {!j1en'l such a jerk!" ome voi i: t", ':1" tan e between oerselves ruJid others by I'Inrd. zing everything, "Wi'lJal" L1eaHy goi[1Ol '011 bere' )C, ,I, and z." Sometime a voice rep'e:a!.et:Uy forecast negative f;UlW' '; 'TEJ m ver b· abl «. h am to succeed.' If we r,eaHy H~lell It! these voices, W'r.;1 ean disc()'"t:~'Ot1leLbifig very inoo:res~ing, These voices are almost never located w~ere our own per,,'onal vei .~:fu ere. ted when v. ~ 'pe~ik '1:1 OUr hest, 'lllilDat, and mouth, [0 ~ead, 'tbe, e vcices almost .~tnlY' seem 1'.0 be CQl[I'lillg .. frcmanother k):C'8Jtjum" nd the voicei s lh~l,'<i~.l:y d i:ro:ected i!'ow~ni IJ S, a ill' ·~eadof om from 'I.Jl:... 0 ten these voices feel as. i.' they <I1!t:' located our We olir body. perhaps abeve US br to the I:ight or left, Evenwl:len voices are !OGal:ed inside [Im::bgdy, ~he)' are 'typi.call y at one ear, ,Or
c

~en

!Wben we ,gail:! grea~er h<111'nU}' ~ iitbiurJ eurselve , we ]1.'11<1:1 b th il1:k:.i[lg; of parUcu[i!!.f pans. [b.lI, aNi IH,Osta.pp'wprb,;~ely e'1'i.pfl~.\i:sed ~~ parricularc antexrs, but often we re not talking aboue a. parti,cu,lm ituati@l.l, bUl,ab Ilt our enti- , lives, The wa)' ~.Obegin IJU'::ilt rela~jo~shi~, wHb yoursel f i~to be, e lear ,about wQal yot! are d,ningwi'th j"()1i!1.1: life ::liOdyCfl!l:1" mission. N otice wh~t WQ,tt1 you Y to you,' If 'Lba~!llake )',~~tfuel wh tTy' 'on pl!rpoe." Ask yourseJf wb.·[ it ."eels like you re here on earth to do, SClEl O!Jr~lf !is a person who jUSl Y tl::lu!!mily rnQve& ~!l the direct jon of fuJfi]ling thi~ [rnss.i 1l'1I.

~t the back 0 the bead or the forehead. or erne Q,lher location. If Ilh e voices were fulI~' Olll,igned witil us, (hey wOIl'lid soundjusa as our nwn v~~ce .'lOUlIl$!I ll';'hcllJ_ we spe<!k,with the breath movin up Old ijf our chests through ur l!lnI1U3ls,. and m]i1 lhrot,lgh eur mouth ~ and lips. In'temal, voi~e, are alrnos t Ib! er ,aligned in this wa • afldi if we ~a~e the rime tore,:a.!ign with thelXlt,many pOiSi~n'l,lechan Ie;S eccur

an~agflnisL The ne t exerci,e can g]Vle you all C!perience of tl':ii kind of hillle1i alignmell'l.

ant

!i.ponl<ln,eQu~l}l.The veices typ.icaUy become (line'!" and more pleasto listen to. fri,endl.y p,rrr of oue.1'ves. inste;:).rd of ~ criticZlI

N
Most people fl:e~n1,1J:ch :rncme:resoureefu! when lbeYl1e£I.lign with ~m in ner \r,C!ic:e:;, fBop]e often sa>, U:fi.Mth~y an-~ dear~l:ablJ'1.lit '!A,~ [(~ they think and IQ,eel, ;i[lcl thitl~ ,t[jU:5 d,ar'ity m;lI~e.llil ~:<1Isiet l~ t~e ~ppmpd<ite aetiou, Qt~e(S~e,eJ a sense of rehtxed 'Qpel1:[jJe~s1tnrd w lRIC1~~~]es:'il .i nstead confm,]on, ~'rustram:inill, 1IilldJtension. A few peoiP~e" hpwevel\finQ ~.h<l[do.ing thi s pl'oCe!\S,~Ba\'es Hie~;tli fee]ing u!lJc:onl6miah~e. Should fbJir!l happtfl tiii yuu, ilurudiC<ltestl:fi,d yO'Il need [.0 'li!l{[leTience U~e c('.!mp~~M.e p'j\mte;~,sof AHg;ni ng Pe[o~¥!lu1l1 POliido~]"~ wg~unfu ll and cmllt~ntilb~.e a!ignme[l!L L .Por[l!QW, YOll cm.l jost~l.Rt ltl'!~ v,oic~ ba£'k W~e.;l1~j;OUI lo~nd ~t

,1. 'l'wod~~5MJ:me Vm\,'6., Thii'lk. ~f a time '~",l-icn,a~, '~~:Ule:rveice cri~icitze>dYOWl. or trou_hled you in wn'fiC o~'~,e,. wa~', <tl'lt~ put yem,r~ self b~¢~ iti'ilO,Q~a:t :s~,t!iil1!:lig!!L WI:I~lrI YO!ll'ret;l'D,e~re, li~~(;nU)othe vniee IlItitlnltl,t.~~i:! wha[ it is lI~i~ng, whm it ~('Fl,!lrnds. like, w!i;le:re ~~ t~ cQming flrUniil> Imd w~,effe i~;jls d~f\'lct:cd.
.2," M'IO!!'\e Y;~icej'lllw filt'(J(;U. N~w ~L()w~y :allcrw tinatvtJ"ioe tn nlOl,lC inte U\\; ,a;refio( YOIU .body \vh~rc yO~Jr own 'i{[lif"l~ ,ee(fflIQS from

or

wht:tJ. you al:tt!a~y 5P~!I}l:_ Notice: how 'tJl,Ul v(li,otl Im~,llra.uy (;;1~alTI!g~.~ as ,it moves. d,p.~cr and elaser to C9]'!d!1lgol.lter yQtlf nwn 'J;;hC~~ arid ~:lniJ\~;iJt-M.o~u Li'k.cl.'f. me wbtds~l Mly~. 't~~e ~:OIUlabt)l. a,1],dthe vol,IJ~'Ql;e will cha:l1ige in IS~ITlJt way. J'. Nt"tteciJ,ifjerenrcs. i\1Vhel'l it has :f!iillly moved i~to yOlM' ttmJ~lt area. im:o the sf'ill~e (if ymJJ: ewn "i;)Wc ,1'Iotj,c;:e 1'10';" it i:::l!ilorw d:ifieli~W!t" U ~,[],H,I.IJ" nel;'Qlce W:LU hase beil:1Qme: sol'ttr, 3ndilile t t~nl1luty will have ha(,;~mt:; Ilmg're li1i<.e a frieJild~Y',n3pect .o1f~'ol!!r~elf, S'Ome,ttmes th~ ~1I\@n;!$ will hll\l~ ,chlll'l!~edl[]'o[tJ, ",TilliefJ!I'lI;;:¢Ul;a!(~!l;)utt~ ~f:;Lctu!l] dflEEl owheJpfld sl!i!gge.stio1:l s, The \""ord~ may i'i:<IIv,e eb!l!l1.:ged to 3 Gl~t~ M:i:Iwmet1i[ 0f h.lll;lll YOW!r~1 • what you. tJIl'~l1Jk,(lit
what you
Wc3.1'lt.

The Imp,m1'arilee of Deep- Personal Co.n:grlLte:l.llee: .

the mPfe: we
SUJ;~ly wl1ia.i

it t~Jkes~o he

S~~Cg,~'i;,5fIJl.~ef~echve"a_nd >

4~ CJllf!ok flU' J·Y·Qr~Sr;ruc~tJT.e Tlfl'\Iblr;..'>um.e voices, US,"* a Uyregitll .• w]th the word you, foUowed by a JlJld~,le!~.t. such ,Ui • '''(@I.! Clumlj, ___ .' , Wim 'ill1i'l\i, kil1idl of voice r'rn Mt!ng to myseJf as ,if rn were spe'1lkullg to another '~r&J!!il,-1 .sa}' "'you" hlas~ellclof "I." Wh{;r) Huc:sevoices move UI1i~Oyour lJ~dy. they often ~ha.nge S,p<llll~ 'mne.mJls]y to :asi:!Hplr.:: ~~tlUel1lei11 d~m begimh~ with •.,I.•'" :i'Ol.h')1.'>'16db;y '}fe~l,~' "'~~e," ":hear, "P~h;iUlI( T ." I dQ!'l'~ .l,~k!~",,'I:l!u; ba:rp~:ned. ", ;"1 w,an[ to g¢[ a dUTere:m lliespom~ from. you .." H

ym.u. voice ha~ [lu1 ~!reacly l;iha:n~d in Ithis \'i"'!I)!, ~ITV'iteII 'to g;() &0. jJJJJd1l0~lCChow that. diii'Jllljgesytlu.r c;:>;pcriellce. hi vite }'Nlr '\!'Qice~il,
~vitb "1":/ 'hlrin".
_
o~rilll~~'sil;u!liliQlihi

NlJi'ke:[tll:tementl!ooginlmi:ng
___ , '" ''''l~vami:l

..• "] f~

.5. FUfure P.r(fl'~.lirJg. 1:l~Iinik I]Qw :IDOllQl the tin91

r~4 1I'durselff [l!!lul t~n:c of Ules~ ~]W~tiofl,& 8i)'td,gtIicW Y go t~m",gh the alrie<~'e:fJOilU' steps again. I1lQliting hew d'iis '[eal1iIgflmen~i!"iak~S you roee.1mere whoLe and rC~Qm'Oerl)l!l, !I,ud Iti::!h;:;s Uli~ ~,itmltiollJ ~<Isrer t(l Jic:a.i WLlh,
where }to\.! lWa!H~61~a'Ve th_i5I\i~dl of i~~c[ a~igll,mem ..

feel fu U],]]ed. the de~_rrr~ubecrulle.s t:Jh~lour pers(Hl!~[ CQl'lgru.e;_n:ce,j s ofprlmary ID.lPQrl~Ce, 'Dfle!'! wha!t h~~d~ ~s. tlaGkis nnt Qtl.f .lack~lf ili.bUHy CU" still, b~~~o!JJs,e:lv.esc.U we Il'IIv'e d.reaJl15 of what .. ~ '~\I!!:m v Q~l1 HV~l9 be 'Inn fed l;:mw!C!ru~y, we wi]:] ~1]1~h,!!:j)l~y Qu]'selv!es SlOp from d.@li1Thg~(;\ ttn1[]g1l that are neeessaryts reach those dreaI11$. Mom of us occll&ioillally ibJl!. \~e cmotio:[l.8J11 re:~cdoMo:rf\eS'.~lo;f11iie-s [l:\ia[ get ~.~~ our way, W.e m:i.g"nt~u!1:'\/ii;: ears .rnil~ keep us Irorn tmillg .aJ!~l"OpriaIDe f ;l1ctlofi. fee]lngin~hiliuid{i,~oo, j~1illolll!S, ~13:~Jf-righ'[oou$. Of ~~$ec~re are "I i;eW (;If the, em~Qti®'[Is tll~~ Call il~llcri~fe w~tl'lm,e .dnrect]on or pZlJh we Jhacv'e<d.l[l'SeJTII ~()][ eursel V-e.S. S{lmerITries this is, easier ro sec kl1 orfue:rs. You may h<lill,e .-~ gll.essa]]ouE 'lvvhi&l S!IOpS. some o¥ ~OUf bU;llJ:r1e:SS asseciares from WUrK]lU1g well wim, you ~r .Qthers. \1(i"e Call ,a] [ne:ne:fi'il gre.tt]y fro[[1Jrloticing this in {Jwr~dyrt~,[[8 w'e~L MMt of U~ have ltri.e'd at some time in the past to j~S<t OViN'iride lbe\\>ep!<I'1;rrsf eurselves. We .tn.ll.ve .expifrieJiioed ·I1HU.lry iTlgm s~~Qv:e o fll'>:~(le our fe;Elil:.atig~r, JOt ~[iJ.s.ec!U:t.Hy ~s]JJ' t nekl]ly W(fi~ll:: W,e' I:i~ave'the d . greatest 0lPpmt~lmi.ty fur ,'mc;,cel!l\'!i and fu l.fi1lmeat when ,,~e seek to res'flic~ ancli we leome <I]JPW-Its of iOl!I:n.'Sei [(I ()Om~ togeili:(;f:inro yes 'l3•

,lLL~~i.fi~d whO'je.
The m:etbm:!l.S:.we ~EI!twod!llC!ed.~n 'rrh].s ch~,p~er ~"lill:q <uSS[sl you ~~ tiJeC£)ming mCI.!:'e :ulmw.~rdlY'ailg[lled._:h.8!v.inga more harmonionsrela~iorls~~~~,w your~eU·. If Y'O'!JLW'Q'~ld n~e~o gQfutlher in §ru.nin,g Uh

p
Urn.1! - bru-mQ.!lY., the recent breaklhwugh wor of N P Cemprehea] e co~ound!er Conniirae AlIu:iIe,1I- can be uf glieat as' istlUlce.2. Her Cur Transform arion PH]CeSS, has been caUed tne 1'.I0w"ring of NLP ~1[!~ can assist you in ~oming~o personal ,e'QIl}g;llle[bC in ~.pmfo~nd~y cem1.p<lsskrJta:me: w~y, Wlli:Iat y~u lhougfut were yOll], flaws :b~cornl:
valued friends. When Wealle man j, est our me; s dreams,
yO'1l1l[, W

PO\

R:F'U

P'ERS,

AS'IIIQN

sr

G(-

1-1

frequenUy,. iii: may be mol' lik,e regaining the nusr of friend afier H' s been eV~Te1 tested. h may I:ak l~nt~ and parlenee and lu:m'lil!y ity. ,and the rew:a1ws wjll make i,t ,,,,,,'(nll~wbile,

hole; .~]] of us

ru -

avall: ble

to

Developing Yeur Physical Congruence

Aligning with your (lli in in1em~~ voice oS a plLnwerfu~ way ro elThha[!ce Y01!JJ[:'p,ersollal congruence. 'si:m:tla1fly. a!igmin,g your bel:iw\l~ i~:r ~o lh,<J!t it is COm5JS1~TIt with yOIl!" l;1~~'eSr -wiU Ie.'Ll:! [®, ,gre;U,er li:elf-r~p'pOli•. inner hamTO~Y~ :and s'ell'-f~J~nHl'rae:nt. Peop~!e &ft,e'nsay 'til a,t Ithey want the .,'good nfe a:(ld w:i:Jls;acrifi(;e ta, get it If sacrifidI~S: means to )'o:1l!I ometime dorn,g "'11 ss Il1nll awe d'i:fficul.r mr th1l1. you •re unsure U df,)iUjg, that' , P oba:bl often neoe;. ,:111' ttl be SUG,C ' • fu] ~U. anything, H., vever, if Y·!J IWfI.k Y'flU.hfII e to iznore and den large p,aI'lS ,of your v uue ro ha ~ :QlOOes:&,' ou d be'Uet l:e'COlll~ idl!f, Some" peop]e Baed fie ~ th -' maffiag'~s or 'Ire].t iOl~ships wi.tli;l tl'nelr children or Jl:i:eir physical healrh in the name of uc~e. s. .11)('01,.1. tell.Uy dlon'~ value shose people ami ac~ivitle:s"tlle~ you ~"ig_ht tie: able ~:o ignore them .mel remain C'o!IJIgr-ucnt. ll~)we:'!.i"le-:l".i"vhen Y-Olll, 'I" .. due ornething, ~'~H~ w~n~t,o embrace ir a:Ild spend time with it. .fllU!'ind!J,ding it ~l~yo.1U:ife, l
n'

h lhird asp~t '[-(}I buildina strung 'Pt:I1f£lUI eongru nee ~ a'iatiflg good feelings w.ilh yourself. A1igrn[lg your inner \1 ice lind aligning' OI!! behavior with yOillll' values, 'will go a long t\i~ '~O'l.i\la«J doing thl , In "ddi'Eiol1, Of, a. uod _idea to h:eil -oui"'lfweU, re-al yourself 'lQl t~':I~n;g:s '(i!'Y:_ 'can do for yomse.lrc-nuw, '~{MlI!l·!. Good attuY letic sbo€ • cologne, or ehocclate cost little !.:ompan.::d to bow they let :you know, now, I[hat ;:r(l'~ a'P'pn~ciH~,ey'tl'~I:[5~f, A mum age" a w,e;e:k!eradeta WOiIiY, ,iii movje series, or se'a'slQ]Jjj '~kkel are other w,a,ys g
51

Demon ;ll'a~ehow y- u honor your own

1ucs b i£ligni.tlll' wit)b

thera, Spend, 'lime' pursuingthem. m:r ),(YI!I!'alIue _ (jCI,!iI 1 h ic_ [body. dOl som thing adequate to tale care of II. If you aluc ([!,l'I'h lime with Y'0ur'ltildren. find i:t. . f you wanL buim, cJ with ur spou e, creat i,e IOU have to kno,,~I. acknowledge, andrespect what ~ KeaUjt imporlMl 10 y'Cli~JI befcue you ean d~, ul1ytbing about it There isn 'I~some q:ulC'k tedlIlique Itollchiev'e this process of aJlg!lm~n~ \IV ultll'l YO'lUself, u's more H matter .0[11.1;\1 il1ielilesli-krr~J'w,i rig who:], youJr most valued geals or P11lll11ooe ail", 3ILd aC-11J]'i,g in a]igflm~li1it w~tfu them. Onoe yuu have son1.e! awar ne '. then jf!; a miill~rtJ.f buildlng Itru t in and witn ' ,ursel . If 1 IJI hav- broken rapport - :it~ your If 100

we cal:'l,.ShOiW lJbaL we apprec tate pl!ll:l'-t'>dve.5. U nderstaf.iQ Ihiltwh~lt is ilfilflporl.OIJ1tfor our personaltreats is not the spendilrM!, of money fo the sake of h. or howingeff, or bl!.lyi,ng SOllletbiilll;g h c~m'I;;) we're . upposedto, or beeau se -'\\'ery,oll_ else i. doing it. l'r if ," n l ometbi~:ilgU:n:tl ~ Ott really" am, it ..... n't be, f v;alue. TIl goal i ro find thi'lmgs to do fOiF YOli U,HU~-. " a rern inde:r,~ of how :mucb }lOti care for all of yow-se]f. By simply pay.lli~g.1luen'!lo]] to tlli~e:goa~s and VfI:1\!I,e!:\ you have far , ycm~e]f. ,d~g[j:illgwi[h your d~e'pestT!~®ds)l.l1id wants, t.Wlki[!J.g kilIl,dly h) YOUI:sd.f. as ~fy@u were >ro'~ own best friead, and do1ng 'things bi'o anrl mall t!;iJ:t mate yl.Hl1 f 'e~ god, you can develop incredible pel'8lon<l~ ,ongruenue LI:rro~lgh your eatire life, With personal con'TlIeIlce. you know thatev rything you d, will have the fiLtU nrpport of iilll)lurs, of yourself. This will h comruunleated to others be: me you eve!'! open your mouth. <lilul 11t vdli 'oonlril';ure: gJ1eady It.o your

:pel:sona] .ucc,ess. Reviewing What. You've Learned

Inthi chapter, you've learned som p w, r of P fsu<ls.irou, Learning 1:0 listen
Crull

of the secreu behind 'llie' provide you with the

.L
ot.fuers-

sffi?ecHllic infinr:m:a1lkH] you meed te oUer COMlJemflg\'a~.ue~u toe key to ~Ufiuc~e:,ssf'l!.l] communtc al~ofl.
Sre:dHcaUy, you've

('HAPTER

BIGHT

]carmed:

~
I~

Te:clW!ffiIrque.s of per&t!~iQn

m~l marl

YBJre

(~then. m d('l w'hat,

!II

.rhe:]i WjjJJ:mIt How pef$\;I'i1sicm al1ld v3Jl~e,sre hUilll~® one :a:liletber I~ow t:on[ld rhe valees of ®i[he~ byabiking. fiJ"e rigM questk~]l~ I~~k~wto WlO'rk~l]:~h s,l.'lbru:oclal[Ues allcl lWSC tbcm wi~h 11]J(bdva~ l~.o[]j sUategies.ClIf tiIinki'll!'g :!J[filt;e:gjes 00 [X:fsll.aade others The iU1pOlllllfiO~ of pe<[s{jnI rcomgrl.le:nee [rnllQ\l,'erful ~ers lUIa~ si on ~d how h:n regaill[;rlppotll, w ith yoursellf

Bliminating Your Fears and Phobias

Theile are no s'~ngte [11M,gi'c won!s nrphrsses t~1l:l em h,eJp YQiJl!I to become mG',f,e perSIci.a~i ve i[lJ YOtL1f lite .The simp]~ an of ~]~~'lit[fig is cQif~e;I.[b:e I:ffiiJOst imp@i,rhm~ aspectof' peers [1<lS]On, Renlember. by elie~ting the~;Il[\()lrma:tiQ!ly"ou need to MICCes,sfuUy fiEil[l;1iclJ @iliers' values w]'[hwk_a;t you have to ol1er,y:uu 1::.111], £;enef~te t~]e,g[ea~-e8~ a:m~~I:l[
of 1n.[\J::uence w~t:~ po(ernt~a~ (:~.st[lm~r: This ~~r01,;~' ~!i]ro ,[I: ~ di&cem for y(}m~e,lf if ';AlhiJIl you h ave to II,)ffie:r wHI be of be:[lelJ)ii[ to "lour -' .... eliem. Abov1e a.JI, thollgh" is you]' per~O[!,aICioElgr!ll:~nce. yOl.l!~ ;llHg. m.em WU~ YO'llJimdLTh]s ~G not oJil.~ythe most depeJ;U,d.j!JIb~;ef6u[ld[t[i:on
rOF'

e~,: .i~.1l~~~1. _Sfu~I'~'~'~]l1~e~tow eurrents 0['1 i~~a~hes. spooky . nl.,gihl~ ImemueLg~Jro.m,UOd8,>V'~e[Ous; dogs, gam;g gaH~~r~ngs ~ndijY~ cte:tr"valne:,;;ds can generate ap:t:ff,o:pr.i(ltci]y~e:f!rr\,11 f6"eH [)~!l wWM~laJI
T

inO ue.o.e.ing '@1:bel'S. H i~ [l]~ vefj' fDurHjhHi.or~.of

y®~tl[['

wlhoi:e nJe

and your mission in liKe-

off lIS. S~i.m.e P,itt of [liS, rec@'gJIillZ>eSt1]~k d:aIlgeirs. l'he:a[!xinlU~fe.rel:ings. U'I;1](we :expe.l'~~noe .~It: us' ~'O a:voi.dtak:lng ~H'l"ea>S!Qif!Jab,1e !:"rs~$ (JJnd m~hv<1!le us IfuO el'n~n~e things, SOlTlel'i'mes, ~(:I;we'\:ter, pel~rp].e[!~cQme. IlIfnl~ of sitl,la!f!o~s ?I'm]; rthlungs nl~lJ <treeI101[, in <lPl.d. 0,[: I~bem:;elve=s, Ln~}! dangreIQl!.s, l'he:fie ~re often termed phobias, ,p /l,Obia !,tfu~ Gl!eek word for fear, 'is 0;1 n~n:m;: fo.r an:lf s~l'l::mgavu~d!llIlcerolf ~~JIIelitu;[n~lJ[lp~~as~~I:in d1ie e]1!'i,iiro'!'l~ mel:l~. .EualiLples i.l'ldudie p![lib~ic~pe;aik~n.r; heights. Sc~i]f:ITl:S , rvtsHifig the docwr ,tlying en .a.irplalhlBS, d:v-iv:ingGli:Ifreew.lIYs, :1ili1;~iC~tng willth ~upelf'ii!.11f:S" salesceld ca,Uing, inFewrueW~J'il£ ~oirjobs, aad de~ri]')jgwith u!- ]a:ws. Thi n k 01: .an:uy si!~i:I<1tiQ~ ail{,l ~~i[jil1ltilin p[ob.a;b~y fmd semeone w~o is ,1Iff;lIid 'L]if it, 'fh~se ,rrJ:re~H mecess<II:rHy "nlitiOrlllJ'" '[cars,. n y~il!] n m.e!'lEaUy ex~.gwerate the 'da[lgeff of it} .s~bllat~on [n~com~llpprAllme~or sive all' situarieas Ulflt ethers <Iren"[[r]gh~efied(Jir" you fnay· have a iPhob~a: or ]n,a1!:i·DJ:l~lfe-~r. .P~yt~lo~ogi Qe.r.ddR\(l:$en shU:~ inMs st book Don'.~Be Ajraif}: A Progra.ndof' ,o1ll'fr,mming f'OiilP' Fe.ur$ and P'holJi~sl [:hal' 'researchers atlh~ U~.~.\i'el'.~ity VemlUm: di:scCJtv~rIW of Ithat 1 fut ~ 0 Americans s,uflferfmm'1 mi. serieus feae. If milder .~wxi,er.r pmb1ems we~ laij'I@]~ted, the pe[cent~ge igures \',!,Oll]d! H1l:!tdy be

14

, [I.,

f'.E

AIR,

185

hi .11~f. ' . ··ovord:ing to R1Q' n lh. V OCflI]Qnti nve "iigaoor ,uldlel a number of the iden'lified "p!h.. bhr;Of' e Jean '10 learn more about the u3JtiUf;ili CCilllfse of pl:iobi.'I:£. ih . ear¢u finding ldeatifiedthet most d'Jjldl~@od p~mbimi were short-lived and dis:J.ppellwd ~UhOUit My pl1l£aicu]a1r u-eaJt:mer1Ll. This mldinlgmay be shl.'li]ar ro YOllr own x.p. neEilite. if Y(lU'V'e f"o:liiIsed hildres. One year a chHd ,j sca_red of the dark: tile ne;;:,t year. ~tn.i!fi,gt:rs~ nd the nextyear, d,og; . 'UnHke 'Ehere~1I of ,childhu. d, dub phobias don't ju t go w,ay n .heif 0" .Dver half 'Ih· adult in Ithe Vermont s'l~u!l'had f!l_il~d ~O' impr w~ ; ee the five years, Un), (jJile ittrird of tli.e" illdi idual. b .g1l.l'i to cx;pe;:rience; WOII" se ~I:ar. 'Ithough only one: person jn~e1l, may surer from a. serious fear. al I of us have (~ars that kei P us [rom petfOt]][l.~lilIg at O-U1best. and hold us back i11 Iiff';" ~~Hh'r it' a f~M' of ptlb1ic speaking, ()!" of being .rejected when ;~!;ki.ng rGir~. daJl'e, fear of a m~~;lJlrn.gr ,~f maid ng Ico1d calls, 't'ii'~ryone" b<l&Cear[ lh,a~ ~e o out ofpropnn iO]1l 00 the actual: U<I'lJigif.:fI ill SQm'esiluatioXi~, Since . veryo!'!e has' uffered from fear IH some IIrn'l:ein hi or her life .. jtO!] probahly a:re well aC'l,li,ainl'd Wilh 'the feeling' uf ~1fiiety. panic of discamfert 'that, can at. omlxmlhL SUJu,e of luin '. v·. hat YO[l might not know is, that there are way' of replacing your fears If even lack ,o:f self ..oooodellce withthe i'lbiti~jlWI'ake action xnnforta:b]y. TtJ,~5~!:i an :rubiHt ([tat you alre-ad1' hsve, but haven't yet i!..I. ed appwpri,<i:te,ly. Re[uen]1iJ(;}[, i[l NLPwe say. The ma, lis no~ tbe tCif'll"itQll"Y·. Tnt; R'J;IlP'Df New Y®crkdoesn't 100k mach like whal you see when y(rWl'N~ in IWliddle of Manll ltm taring lip at ;~h!;lskyscrapers. Your fe Hngs come from haw you tI~ink about peopie,\fI;Un circumeanee • or things, nut the people, events, eireum aances, and tiling·
n' I

peared. She IIhen could . ee thar he audience .s,ju. t a norma] group ofpe·op1:e. She W,erall)l~ook:it dUCerem poilu, ofv;iew, and [hi changed her internal map. .he me ~hods ]]"]j [IIi s chapter wi ~lieaeh ~'l:I how to choose to take flew perspectives ICUIme:ll1illOr~e~and eltpCrie'l1lCle thar have caused you lq .reel. fearful, phobic. or IUlp'ti,ght A'fJare u~t. you'll he orne more self-confidern, n::sOL1iI~eful and effective

me:

th

onnlrae Andreas, f LP trainer ;I)JI1.d oauthor f the NLP book. c Heart' oJ rile' Mtnd/' once worked w~th a woman "",1:'10,;\1<1 p~llrHi.ed of public speaki~]~. 'Oo,m:lirflJe a ked her to DOlilsiI:kn:l.ly notice the internal p±dl!Jlll~hSJU:: was m,at.ilJlg wh en (i,he f'ett fearful, The Wo.HI<I!n
'm!lU:lioo tili!lJ ~~Jle ima.!:!ttied being sn rounded by p~GP1e wH['[ g~all't It;;i'it leal eyes as she g<]'i;'!.;; h r pre &enw:l1Q!!U;. When Coanirae had the

emsclves,

Peopl:e have been lfl~t!kj:tI.O'aho[lt "p.GIDl:S of view' $0'1'eensurie ~ bo>weve[, H'm~tt people h<!f'!,le 'ai'~Wf[ys ~:hought aboutthl e pres jon as metap,huncal: nlEh~r than h~e]':al, Y PlI can U~em.J!]y'lr:i~w ~~)mel,!1i.ilg f~;OOlany po.:i;:wrl in S:r'8ce, .~d1: differeflill pOiflll of view win give yu;~ "Onu,I:~'Ii:Ia'l differem h~,fOlmatirm aad fc,eoogs. Remember ti'iH.'! exercise Jn Cilapler One 'where Y(PU expcnmtim[cd \. iw eeing yUill:" 'elf on a Il"One:r-cQaster ride, C irnp!lxeJ with tll, "'11': rien ~ f a 'tuaUy being 01] the ride. burtling down 111-'!fade? Wheu you looked 01.11 of your eye from yeu {)\ fl point of Iew wecalle ithat 01 uiatiarl, When you sa y.oUll' elf on tti ride. we caned that dissecietion, Dt ociailon '!!-Ilable" you ItQ .ai. ~:1IJI1ioe YO'iWrse~,ffrom your6eelings as ym.l take I~;mli ~hc p~rs~~C~l 'lie ,of an obiSe,rvef. By using" xerclse 2. '. "The fa t r'Jir1ob~l.1i Teebniqae," .~C:U,. teo, caalearn how ~oi:m~Tc!edlateJy decrease Ithe' fears l~HI:l mightbe holding YOI!] bm~:[~in)'our hf"lucli'i as the fear of HlLying what you'd 1.i:1ketn' expro.s ~u H rn ··ling. um.k:ing" enid call •. :making apublic presentation, 01' ,any permi d fear iii-sue 'Ih.a~may hold you back. ""fIlen people ar afl',u,d, f some .'li[fLul!hm or 'thh]g_, l.ihc usnaUy imag:illl' ['he, frightening .itu rion and then .tep ~ll!to it and experience ]t <18 though it' act:ml!~ly h,appe,fI!l1g at tlutl moment" as 8,Oc]afed" Hewever, when~:he~' irnag ~J'I;e: the • am,e sily.atio:ulJ but \lj,lalcb lhH~m.'le]ve~.he~' wi U hlll'll'e 0111 the fueUrngs of the dbt y
I

erver.

ni~:soGD.~tton

woman detach andlll!(Jl'ch herself, aU her scared re:~il'i~ dis!;!p-

ph;nsant experience mud handle ~t ~vhhout feer a remain a detached observer,

ell:il:b1es YO'U,!(01 wateh yourself ha,re ,a.l~Y un]Ol'l,g ,8 you

186

P'

How to Access Your Montam States

Willen you '~Ise1JI dis.sodated Imege, your observer pe'~ [:nco e is the: O:l1iJ~.ypart IOf )!GU '! h~~ll be~p yo,u eonrrol y,~~~r CruJJ meatal states. Your p;o ~I;l!:eal S/{J, conlribu ~,e '1iO ~l'Iese di fferentmen t. I states of d1.pciatiol'! ~I1d s ,1,l:.IiUOfi. ryl.be fQlluwing quiet experiment. Rememoer, NLP ~:s abm,u exp,~ritW',. nQl j~J!il be:a,d .know ledg . Doing' rhe exercises is 'I.he b'(~,'ay 1:0use tJl~i!iinfCiifma,tkl]il)" Sit in ~~
QO'~

let"s do, aaother sho ~c. perimenr. Think {If two memories from YOUT P~S[, ene plea am a:nn:d Mottih:e:r lLmpka!\lnrt Tat a mimne to f,e:expenen"eeac.~ of these. 1\, ,juemori.e. in wha~ ver way thal you naturally do, ~~OIJCC how you recall those experiences, 'whether yOU

sl:tlti~t-b:acked
'Ch<ll~f. ean L

chair about

four or fiv ~ inches 'from the bac of the

r~li'l,l'ett~,Il],. ~~SOCi!l'ried" or whether yO:M ,,~ill1p]y observe yOUllJ' I:I~nCe, dis sociated, and see vourself in a fill).' i ,Of ',lid!eEiI. SQtW~
di'st.aI:ilCe. Qnesl1laturaUy, .

~;pe_

back conl~oN,ilb]J' ~Igailrt.th© back of tbe oCh<t~rand fe.eJ your sl~ou]de... move back even ,3, bit funhe!~. Ai~ you do, leel your s eye re Ia. and defocl,ils. Lei. your chln rise sl~ghtly arid ,let, your head move back" Fe,ely,aur bGd~1 :t}'ome stilt :r,iol'iQe how 'this posmre, th~:sphy j(l]ogy. h~gi.ns :~L'i'tJi:I ..aJI~~ theperspes t]ve tl:i,M YOl!Ml]:;e: om
the world, Notice tihe' .£t'Jeling of detacbment that ,goc' vl'ith t~lLi·-

" Wh.i.c;lJ,everw~y you l'e!(':"d,l'ed thCl;~~ple~siitnl and unpleasaa! nremgo bac lind reverse [hem. Wfyll'~were dissneiatedin ~be u~pl :ru~,ii!nl. , step into !tile"image and nOli how tltat cl1lluge: on y~ur keJ IIDIg!lo, If YClM were ,~s;SJ~n::uated th,:u meJfi1Q;lrY, i!.1~eph ..d;t out In (ljfyol!lf iJ{)dy, and 'ee yourself di ssoclated. arid notice how th,u
dl<1111l'e5 you f~e.nflgs. .

posture. This ls the pbY'SD.Clllogy of dr··· odaHI'lIl. N«w secor b~ct in .the chair, so thtl~ yo~iI' ~owe[ back is 'l:O'!i.l.dll~r~g the chair and lean forward sli.1:}od . wohoo !:lJ101JlIloi,lIl, bQl~hdiree'lions. un"'1gine what you wOldd need [0 do' with your bmiv in crder to caeh a 'baH, :if it were tossed 1[;0 yG~. TWs l~[h,y:s'lo~ogy. more [11 ~ the situation, Thjs i. an ~s,oci<lted ph siolo'rry, ~ Notice that when pthe.r people are ,adopting [his kind of pbyiolegy, tlh~y ,ar1'emOJie fully elJ:l~;J.ge.d ]]'1 w~a,reveris go:ii!l& on. Your p"}'sioiog can have a ]0'. to do with )lO'Uf aJbihty to ~iiher asseesne or di ssoeiate, Whel1 do]ng 'my pm er 'lei;lmiqu~ that uS:esassod.utioFi ,Of d.is,tl(~d~W:nn;1(J.u·U w.arilliLl to adopt the ~P'JlI'op]'iate pby, i_0

~ o~w. think ill huw you 'l:eciillk:d 'U'Ip1ean't memery. If )!~U :ve~e d~S~l;tCitll!~d ~he:·pl,e.ls~1: :mem():ry, step ,intu h :iltl]jd ,e;(.j]eri~m:e, ir~ It Ilk,e!t h p~nmg now. ~.' you were ,ii' ocia:l~d in the ple<lsant rnemory, step our for a memeut, <mil ee what it s like t,o wakh it When YOoU' as '0 iated ~njo ameme re .'you will tend to h ave all the feeling It J you had in thee 01 iginal 'wnt, whether pleasam ' ~nph:as~lliL W~ben you are dissocieted, you will USluaUy have only (he, festxu;g. ~ol: a detached ebserver. H'avwg geae thmlJlg'h this ex~
i

P nence, It'
,e~ Il~s.

clear

which ws

y.QU'lIWanl

to 1I e to' remember
ill

,:ll,'.111Wain In

remember :pOi il~ve experiences

~rl!?:S in a di:i.ssoc iated wiIl,y.

an as

0-

olqgy for each step of the ~echni"Jue, It's VI:} I:!!!:efult recognize tl~, . iaHon in comrasr ~o assoclation when you're CQ[lIl[ll1JunLcmt~ngwith~nl1et. Whe:trl, people are disscciated, they're apt to be an<lilyzi.tI,@; c: p~rience' ali:d t!~]TIlkiIl£i Hie abou:l.w1rnu i gOIDO' IJoFl rathee than being involved in It. When Lhey are <!!ssoctMed,. they win be' 'in" the, perience and feel~n,g ]~ £iLAUy.

CHI,t;ed w<~y ,and negaliv'~

. OIIA.1i

I[ to use these skills ~Ii. the tory of a who had a \ o.rrdurfulliffi,e at a party on New YCIl1, Eve. F~lIi ilThOl]I'S ~~!e;h!l!d~U~, she deaeed ... she even S<I:tlg for the group, nd was tfue unrues t person ttl ere .1. about two' o' cl .' in the mornillg', jus ( het:ore even boe y left, 'omeOI1<:l w [ked I:)' tlnd

One e~ampJ~e of 11m ~

~I: ~pill,e.d !lH~ tlow~ ~lhe"ront ofher white dress, S.hej~mped lip. horrified, and f said, "The whole e enlng ls :rlUJined,"'A.ew 1'111JlI!:rIlh" la r.• u '~he gmcery stt'!:re, she IT~C:'[. QmeOfl(:); whig was al t~lQparty then night. Wnelll, lre bega:~ to talkio.acr aboutit, she ili11lterrupLctl him saying
W;J~

b~lIJllJpeill~~e:r arm whj!c !'Ille

d!r:i~king ~.c:~.p off coffee.

N
in
.<1[1)

IMINATIN(] w~li:teI1'J"1:'I

.FRAIL'll

U3:9
50C;[al~n,!!l

~X~Sl.Je;r'lII~ed voioe, •• P']~<I1'>e(tellIi "~ talk tn me a.lt!out th~t piJFily~

Y'01,l.1' 1l1nlliki ng and (:[eathdly

need it nll~S[ .By dis

t],1l<l:[

wssa lerrib~em~.gll~.' ~

Ttl]::; WO'Ul!an fu.~dU:lf.:expel·~enQe of being the lift, of (he p<lnyt;Gr had t~~e; h~~e~Jri:!ligK~lht~d by one Hega,u ve ~;n!()ITIeut. \'\I ,h'lstead of ,enjQy~~]g aU lTIle pkas:aLTt me:morh;~s.J)f ihe '~vefling, i>he, ,iI$i$oei<1!teu ~~lO U"J;eex.perllieruc~ @f' the spU~ed ~.qlfee at the oo:bl Qf~he 11<!!Irty ~]j]dd~s~nci.atedl·fwl1'D' nue: hnmg of fun s:he.'t! bad, ~al's Hm ~. wer}j wise way ~g t'e~r'JiJiem,b~r. pS!ITy" a::ncl ftf:R·nlo~ a uwh,d w~y t€! a tg,tilr1ltD'M,gh liie, Cons.~deJ people W.no g~l depressed, l'illJeylre ,ofrenpeople wno' d~:\S:Ofiate fitlrnk their p'm~itlv{j experiences ~1]Id·~s$Olij.a:tt hnQ ~Ihe ~eg;dtille enes. Now ~Oj]slderpeople wiliJJ[Ji.m you InJ¥ know whe ~!L'e typiltL'ally Omlan l[:Il'Iotiumll,llJ['0] ler ,,",.(;I~~15.:fer.They' re~p oi:u;:mJilYre. ~~m.d dG'wn the- ~ex.~, Thes.,e ,1lIre me people who :liiss.@t]ate:!n~'oalmost all en! [~'le~~' ,~n::ped.e]lc.:e.s. ~l~:eas,a:iJlt ~~li'le<l!~otnt.:fl~dwho ,sddo.m rlissn{r~OI' aile. l~~re ruJeall:so pe£Dp~ewi:lo!end 10 expernieml;;elFLHlcih of fl;'QlrD, 3J1!o~l5e:[\f6( p.ct~H~~n. su.any tjle:yOliI'&':n:un:'aci:~J tn pr-,pfe-ssiolls~lhat U r'f!!q,u~l!"ea[l<1i~YSii:s,. jf!d~d.i.~g :!5Ci~IIlH;,eS as ,~[lgM~e!:U]1J!gm[ Ci(]]fII,pliX[~r ~llIc:h pJ1@grn~llCLrimI!' They <JJn!€' t)ftetnm~!!em.~e:n~.(;d 00 ICOTil!('ept~, IilIfoflll:<l!:~i:O:l'li,. (nings,lfuan they an; to other ;Pf!i®,pte:~~~CI lfY'[DU ~e-ia]Jy wil.n~hji e"ja,y YQfI!]!i life, you 'win Wll;n:ull{), sssociate iI:u@y~urlliiem.oli~s:,,:so tbllit you can ,e;njoy .1I]J lJmOlllep]eastli1lt IDef;;lin~ and u~~e Utero.es postt!ve resources ~fum:t suppOE1l: pGi5ili\iCe ~Uiuj.~~s for
fuOi~~fii:i1t.a.dthen

from lllnpl!e'I"~<J>nt~1I:1iemories} Y'QU canremain resaurceful and ereaUv,e. better ah]e to deal w:uth the d]fficuU:je:s~lUlt Ur:e presents,
Learnirrg ~.~.dHDoSie when youas:SQci!ll~~ a'r disseelate gives. you a ~rofoutld way~o ()h,a:!ll~e our life, Th~~ex~ s't:ep is 00 begin so te~€'h y YOI,IIJ I,IIm;:QI1f:ciolJl$ rr~~!]t;J. SjD '[hall you cen exercise this cbQi~el Il.lJItD" ro.atkaUy. U you ~be"dy experience this k:imd of !u.litorrila:ti.c c!.m®ice, tite next 'e,xero,]se I'OC'Hly be l!]1)I'!e;C\~!Htry[Qr yOll, However ~irr' S enjoyab~~!!1]d could stiUma!ke all im,pprLa;nil cltf,~ere]ll.>eiE'i}llOl)]t i~fe,.

am

J, AssocialiiolJ

J'. Ph!}.$iaio'f;zy.

nre

'NarU, ifliO:L;.f'rom s,ide to,

UtiliZe the ph}1siology 'oif lIssoda!ilQil., llkeali]~ci.~id~, feel what:e'!l'el' feel l!fIgs yO~1 a[~ e'x;pe'~C'fn.~:jng "'0"';', !I!ud fe~d a.re:lldUl1ie~.:; mOVd. hp ll,Gi! itrl~~S:ro~lIe W tOWha!t6v·e~ hapl'lflmiS lI1IID>.t.

2.

A.ssQciaife i",t~, P'$ea"S.a1!lt' ll1ifelll'u)l)" Now think Qf a. ple!!s8!lIt ~ ~i!'!(1U.I.:c ij'JJltlime to ils.s[lci<!lle~inw it[~lIy. SQ'dm[ }~o!l!are' there i1il~ideuta:gflJn. ~,(jQk.i:liIg '~iIIt of:t0u:t QWI1! Jle;.~,.i'ie~illg W~1!.~. ~ yOl.!. ~OI"V.JJ~ariIlgwhat Y'QIJJI heillM. atl.d e nnjo~fee1il~g S!~ ~hegClol:!d l I.

mllmory

f6cl:~f1g~ 'yroJiJijri:.g;ina.IJy had f

~11!;I]:flt sjt.lJ!at~(JI1"
l

ftnu:w

J'. I1tp:c(l1 Step ;.a', Use several otJiler;p~e'asru~l ernories ~,Ii1it' .st a m
ti I]Jk:.,W~ n~m.ajrnltf!ilfli'i!'!~m~ rl:l}!lii]~,~lQg¥ assoc ia.ti(IIli. Pick "p]eas" of am nn.em.a:nleii fronl widel.)' clii.ffe.re:f.lt cr.l.nlt::l:'~~---'WQrk, Sly, IWnri~~ pl s{~me <!t.hlefic. -some s'emlslllli., &e~f-foflti:5fflC[iCl!n<ll't(J ","ec;:ogruliC!:i'I from O[:ht:ffi. ere, A~~"()t;;:~<!lJei~tol>l!!J;;h t;;:omple'tely. S~ [hOlt y~~1 ol1e
'qalll ,elljoy f'¢eling these (Xlsit ~\I'e,i1.tUlfCSOI,1:ocefI:lJ f~1 Ingll fllJ~~J" .

'!Jes.~dfiS,

Tillie phy:si.ology ·of pleasant foo:llflg~ is <I!:SOffi1:!lch he<lJithicf for y,()~, l:lod.)r lb'I]]. tile stressful phys]ology o:fla,[lp]~a8a.~t]]!es~" 1'Y'J!]Cf,JjUy you]" bod~l reaers to unpleas ru1Jtn:eS$ with It •• ight 'OF n~ghe' p~}'sh)~ogy. Th~s is usefulin t'lSC'api]1g a U1;:lty d.flJ'llgermJl:5 situation, b~tU i,l Qrd,l!l lI:ry" ~mp~e"a:8~l!I]t1i:i.mf~tiQfu:s, ,(lilly 00:8 IJU~ iu tensian, n h:i.g:het b1t(lod pre8Syre~ iilnrl <leU the oLhe:r phys[o! og~c~ stress 0;:spoases. H 's baid ,elloug~~'fhall. you hadto e:x'J1€(ri~I1.o~ m:[1 UlmiS~bad :fee[]m1gs,fQrUn:lirsl 'llme~ w~~¥expe:ri~nc~ Hlenll Or~' ,;):!!:D.d! OV~[ aga~n? WbeIJJ you d:i.~s,o>;:]iIItc fJj(Hl1a:[I~Ifipleas'aru men]:w~1'. ),,01;11 Ca!r! stu11 'S'OO Y~lu:gelf un~<uF'py over [~'Le:[>e" sO yorL!1 ean still be: ~Iwareof wbll£. Jlou do.n'" w~t Uf:!experience IU:m1 thef:iJ..Hmc, "'{!(lIUIflOi[l'l lese ~!!l~ va~lIJllble< ~~mfoil1:tta'U:[lrfl..<t[)il Yo'J;J,can {')t111 remem,b~r im:ponant ~es....~,]Th!i fl)om WLo,se leXp,triences. AliI. ~'Ou~cse m,e the bad ffeeli~]g~'rhi3il tef!dlo U~'ill11t

4. Askl'!~~w /IiltJ,1,l1,~f:liA~'$,~.!:iQtetJ\r"iy F'odt:iiVd;y N~w ~Idme YOy]; eyes. and ask Y<O!I!Lf u:n.cQu~k(~s rni:llduJ it weuM b~ wi,~i:Ji1g W be I .a pnshi\ie reSQ:!;!I1~'e you by :~j~t:oa:!Llahcllf[ylh)wing y[m~:o asf()'L' a l'tec~gllize that ]1' near.ly all eases, thl.s w~m,be awise ehoiee ~h!llt w ~nl en able ymJl Itf~,uoj,tly li[~more 'OIlnd l@ be more 'feSCn.!1'Ceflhl in the faG!! of Iif'e·sinevitalb~e:cl.iffic~lh~'" 'fOlk:C the hme ~)I M ~iJ,!Ire
COl.rNmlf'ti

sooi.ate! inntocaU positive ~nr;:mof~~s. whrC~verY!lY

r~.{:~11Itl~m ..

IDill lIti~ inner message has been 11 ani li1'ldresp nded liVldy. Pause for a momeJil't and relax.

t.

posi-

,II,.

ens ,ol:iatw;"

1;'. ,P'hys,iol,'o,IIY oj lJis/i,o!J:,!'a'timl', Uti ~ii;~the physiokl'gy of di.s adanoa, Le!III b.=lJ;k I];J'II!)'I,I, chair, and fee I yoill' shou!Cl-ers move bac.k even ,'~'!Ji'l more. I~t y ur chin 1I1U\l I)IPa bit as yO!l:r head <lisp i:'I1iOIVe;S back, and let YOllf whol~Dood,y become still.

1. l'fj"pleasanl Memory!, Tlili:nk ofa rnodern:tel ... l.liilpli;lI...am memory. <ifl(i run a J1lOilIIie h. I1mh:\lcf ~'(ll.l r'tee"!! iI: i;I.OW. A' YOlJl, 0] 'W<l1<:h~mdHs'tCll ~ tbi~ mIlvie. iiI(II~i.cewli!lte~w uillplic~s~nifeeJ.'jogs y u :~Ulve,Run lt dear'tl:iro!)!,gh fr m begl !ling ro end, 2. R.~Jl' (;I' Movw B,('f,wwartl, Now step inoo. that movie at tilecnd; andnm '!he entire movi.e.l:lackwa",~, Ii nocohu> and v,ery fast, Iaki iilg I:lly about one end a haife-coRds to d r1~h. It wm b just as if ;'01:1: were !',l the experience am'] timeis rnnning backward ven' fast. ,[)l'I dij;l~twO' or i:hre.e lnl®OO rimes if }'~~ 'want 10.
lI~<lIillll1IMke YoOUiccJ]iH'ig.~ in respouset r

.2., lJ,fs~c,i{flelmm ,I'mlhJple'Qs~rd!,Mti,m'oIJi. N(I~ tM.nk IOf a mod,er'iI~el}runtple~!';.ml mcmr~,' iillii!l: take the time to f!.lHy diSK !,date from it. See YV!J,I-elf iII (hat mem 01)', as i ~"a.tt'hi:llg amo ie 0Jl1. a ~rvser; h c.ilIM h,elp to Im!Lk fjH~ !1l0~,je b~ack a;nd wti[l:e;. or[ClI move dun \i' set farther a,way, and I,elthe nlo~~lie ecomc diIi:iiner ~ and I(;;;."!'l'lear. Uyou have al1lY trouble o;IiS~Qcia~if'lg, LrIl8gillle" i:ew~flg ~[ through ,q pll1le f~f d'nilck Pie)! lglas, EfijOy tt'la[ fC'eliwg ~f lJeinga det~~ltrdl observ .f 'Ye'l imere ted and !;I.llinu~_
c

(l

3, 'I'e$~n. NQ""" fUll that same movie that

YOI1 nll)!

in 81 p 1. and.

it.

J. Repeal

S~'eP' 1', se several (ltilermoderab,lj' iIJ!lplea.<;iilfitmem(iirri,(:sfrom ill wide vililiel,y of Cf)]1t~,;!j,lt~'_'I;I;rnJ'!:leasam ~Kpe:r-.iell".esl)~ 'woilk. v,Jay .~ul};ile> wi tb mhers ami alone, dis<llPiPui m,m",flts and mi -t<lkes, etc. lDi.s ocial~mple!~ly f[{)lm each (Hie .tn tum. so a:l'nu you Call ,enjoy that fei]i ng {if D(:i ng II. detached observer, y0<t i.nterested ,andtlJ'Ii'o~~"

4,. A.s:kYQI!'If fltiil:ll to i\ssocil'1te O'nly Po iCh1dy, NIl'1,' close J~(lUit eye ~ and; as. yom tl,n.Doll~cim,~~ mi-nd if it \;,iou],di be wming! f~ be a pos.lhv'e resource fQr you I:n. lI]'lowiThg you!)c;l'iillulmnalteall di "sQciat· flOrn all IHlplea:sarrn memerie WhCflC er you reCllil L~em,.rec.og.llizing dlat in nearlijl all ~4 e..... that will be a wis.e a:~'mice aad eliL<lble yO\! to, c'iiijO:Y I i:~!.:l m~re and w 'be mere rr~a seureeful in ~hle :raoc 0:' be' i e""ital:lle dUfi(;·ulties. 1~ak~ the 'time to be sure uilal this inner messaae b~ beea heard a (I re'~pm:t~~ed p;os.it]vc]y. to

There is another useful way io pr ces unpl!easMilmemorie:, o tb:a~th'ey become pO:S]'~D~\ie, resources. end t.hat 115 :mn them backto \ ard. ' s~ the next e~·e"l.;i,c' liO fin!,] OUI 11m u· e-iul tb~" an be.. '

Fm most J!:!.eopl!e"he origi nal unpleasant feeUngs they had t ~l!we been :Ui:euf~I;<I.liz.ed.RelhdJl'~ the expeF.iemi,c~ ba,c:kward qrLlic,kJy changes Ute oiller of U:te'e perienee in, your brain ill such !.I W,[It thatihe I lit ill, efimiuared. YOl! j , t can't have the fear anyrnor .. Ir's a;s; ~fdoing t1i:uils prn-l\'}geS$ il y~ur mind p.td.is the fear our of dn.e' itu lion" Be]ng ~n a situatlQul'Ja kw~,rtl m~I1JlSthat you aetu U. jump irno l~he' ending and imagiae that you are dein ,e',el1f!hing backwMd,w <IUdng baek,li,Iard. taUti1.ag backward. IDo.vimlg baek .. 'ward. doiJlg the ent ire t1;l1Qcess bac ward---a... if YOll were tam[l,g ina video p]<lying .on your VCR. that. was progrsmm Ii ~n a fast "reverse" mode• sad you end l.Ip "d the be,ginning of ~Jtcexperie:i'fi.c-e before it eceurred, \t 'en 'thl~ pmce' doesn't W{lIf:k. ie, 'bec~u"c Ill; per en only made <I. movie [)If lilil.eols.clves g()i.ing backward, wE!Jtchingtr,l'iems.elve.8 do it, instead of aC:[ll.IaJ~y in,!; ~miii:d.e it. gdli !:I II' [he sensations of '[I mo ing backward. You need to i:l:ctuaUy l"e~]Veit b._KWa:rd, It migh~ h rp ima.g ine you re b - mg fl ipped -bac};: U~rolJllg;h the experience 'b'~' [I .gi.ant rubber b:Si:nd, fee Uug the Sw,s ad:o:ll of moving very .Cmd
0'

to

iloward i, begii1ntng.
Cmubirring dlssociatice w~th mnni1flg the rno i. baekv... rO, proa vides a meH'1ud thai is, even moOre Po.wcl'f:lll,l lh<ll1l e]:~ Her rnethed

192
alene-«

P'

193

DC that ~ powerful . nongh t neutral ize even the mest mlell~e pho;l:I]Si or traumatic memory. TI1~~ methcd was {k.ve~oped by Richard. Handler. s <ll:l irnpmvemsnt 011 an e"rl.ier In hod he de'\Ieloped wi~b J '11111 Griader. 4 .. Atil insuf:aocc' salesman h'ld a fear of e1evmtoir.s.. LUB client''S

office was, 3,bove the third or fourth floc • he IH](119' Lake tile ,~t3i:rs 01: avoidthe ] it aUoset1ler. This Ie If re.all;, timi~ed hi.' incoine-> ~hou,gh h did ghl\e11~:m plenty of exercise cHn:1bin,g stairs. WI1e:f! h,e was ~!Sked where he gonh,::d fear. be didrn.·l have a e lue, Be: cou~dl'l '~ recall tile fi . It 'lim • but said ,Ii :fm- a' h. kne be bad ben ilfr3:Jd (it cle:~ato~ hlli em,ti~ life, He recalled as ;;J child being afraid~o go tip ltu! dle elev <:Iwrw tir'1edenti st' 5 urf~o'" OlD the s-evenrh :r~O(1i1 of ~ buildin,g sad havtng ttl, tiltb;!' tbe -~l'ljr' in&lead. He .~I:in'hlild Iered ,,1:1en he fhrollgl.:U aboutit. To help him overcome itinfs fear" ~e; was asked to imagine rhl'l't he could ee b]:m eif on th,e' clev:a:tait~olL~gup, He watl:lmcl a blac -and-white movie of 'rll;at,even-yea[~o,Jd bo .. ~ol:ng u'[> in the ete",~a'OOf:> fiUedwiUtterr(ljj end panic '. as Ilhough.b\.l W'~l',e: ws.!lching th O~fl~ from a di!ih~~ . In a:dd':litu]:~to f>oorl1:g himself i.n the e.le'VaLo:r.. t wa very limportant lh rhe hesr thftl up et ~iu}e boyc:rying and sU'\!.gglling as, w U. H . jnttrn~] dia.lo~tJ.e wa OIPIPropriate for dis socistion, fot de[liI!c[j.men~from. h I~, (e~r, H~ ~u .~ sentence .I)dl as, "Ik:" s frightened Olver there; that 1·lllHe DO)I ] flightened, f\fl:eJ' he 'Watch&.! his little boy s;dl' go ltp ]n~he e]e'l,'a~cu and then g t ,oll atdl:e wp flaor kl:"l;O'W[llg he was s~fJe again: I'I,!::hen .Issociat" d t into tbe s,ituathm in ii, ~pr.; ial ~'Y; lite jumped mto the end of th""
h ~ '. ..'

The arne ltedmique an work U[I ,my 'frau 1 lk ITU:il1lory, even ~if it dldn t re. nit in <I phobia. One man had had a particularly dillicul't life experience. He' d g{lln~heme ,early from work one {l,a, to S!l:;ltt: wHb his wife the ex,citing It 'Ws that he had '1.1' t gJ nt!D <I prmu tlen th t he didhl expert, \1 hen he got home. he wal "'1.1 lnto hi s, back-

yam, where ~]Ie Jme\l;r hl;s wife would he s~elJJ:i[~g. l'n'lgicaUy, fO:l.ui.dher dead from a heart aUatc" ail the ag~ of tl1i.I,·ry-fi:\,e.
This scene had remained with ,him and powerfully

~l:e/

<lif1:if'icted him,
1"ll!3.rri

Whelll'ev~:i .I1e lhl(l'U!.~)lrt u:rr her, or &ei:r leI] years o!

ag.e. be

scene and rolled tJfun:mghthe' whck movie bllckw.a1rd, vet)' ftas:t, from

the end '1;0, I[he be ~~nlling. He did du. in full color. and be djd H. very quic ']y. ~akiBg 'on~yabolll, on" alfid 'one half seeonds from Ithe end back l'O dlie: beg]~lflil1g. . f.\:lit'[j end of IUDuing ltd movie bae kward, be popp .d O!;l't at the o. girimn:g b 'fo!:'lethe event ver occurred. Heis still doin~ fine afte]~ £01£ years, Right ~fter doing the ~e IilJlliql!le, he tesTed hi!'! fe:a:r b~' drling ,I glass e]ev.a:~o'lfto ~ [lairt~entl1~",eor restaur3r1'll.l, where he lenJ'o~',ed .1 (it S of wine in cdeb:r~Jt:i H.
~'" ei

would vlvndiy plctur his, wi'fe ~yin~ in th ~ bflckya[id. and he \''VQIl]d relive 'the shock ()if ihe experience ,,'II ,. 'i again, To help him dtllmge U1,e aiure of this traumatic expe1iien~,. he watched the s.amc:, e'xper1ence a ' Itbough he were \ al,ching [LEWIn a Intl:lidI"ed~ed up in the air, s ,in • 'i'iJnself walk into his 'I a ' ..ard rid fil!ldin17 his wW . dead. [~e ~:;lWhimself sit dOW!1 ~ put hrs faoe: inl:i.i,"S; hallds, and sit ~0r a few miames, ,lInd then .saw b]~&el,f cry i.ng <It the aniivaJ of the ameulance, . I: ~b- end of this movie, he jl.unped iute)! it and unagined he wa ueked back th!.ou_gh the ~fitkeexperience in one and one half seep:ndsl just as' if he were be~[1[g puned hack by a .g.ia!&[t vacuum d aner. This di~col'lnected [be huck and fea, frnm thls 1);le.m.Qry. and he began to be able (0 remember his Iife w:id) her more easily. On~~ tben was he :able 'mo'a;.:sod.1!It~inbJ dye rnaay pleesam memories be couldrecaU with hi. w~fe. file sam t'echNitqDe p.ls., , w rk exq uisitel Y on PQS.t-l:'iifili matic stres ai~©lrders "rSD'),which n:u~[~.y ietJ[1J.a:m vetersns flflld po]ice V

officers face. .' 'Ill' lime

at

'Pc en has <In intense and in rantaneou

j,t

feW'· r other ~I!],ple<l!ganuesponse. whether you'd "[hiM of r l;Lhobia,'Qif not, ~liID;s process can be vell' [i eful,

a a,

Wbat Phobias Re'a~ly Are

hese are two l\lnug,s
ie

eep

]lll.

mi nd ~.hen you b ve any ki nd

~r~ell:r.Fi rsl pf all. eme peop~e w~th phoblas tbiJ:rn:k [here' ~ $Iome-

1'94

P'
maiking !Ii presentation, r .:my . ther situation Ilull make', you afraid. Th,ink ::Ibm i.t ju 'I em ueh 'io get 01 little hit of the feeling
o fe~,f. y~u wlITlt lobe
)~(lIiJ, t~l3i1 '51l1'e

19'5

lhiflg wrong ,,~tb diem, tha,t th are crn.zy. 0 tl1al1f.s stupid' ba::ve the fear. ActuaUy, if ),'0,1.11 huv6aj_lhobic respon 'e to "ontethiftg. it means ymu brain call learn ver q'llk'kly. Phobias ore lypictilllJy the result cir a ene-thne learning e .perienee. Fore: amp1,e. one woman had a: sn'El:kiepl1obia b~~~u:se a 'nak~ h.ardbeen ~furown at her by some
ollli1l:er ~;jd ,,~'heIDI IDe W<t~ a liule girl. Sowel1iow. «l'lJlts~iie oif 1he:r comci'Ol!Xsness ,.'iII,f!!1efii:wer she :SU~ a S[D ak,e Or 1:li'10U~Jltshout o,I1e, she would hnargine mal l~t~~lse:r(}Us f ighlerling~fiake and ~li'ing at her till' ugh me air, Th I. single ,e:Kpe:rh~:nc' had c'[,eamd • Fear tlm,~,bad I' tedfer O'>i'e'ftwenty ye~~rs, A If aU, he: It, u lliorgo:[ UJ eet sea '"d when sb saw a snake, This was po, !.!erfuWproof 'Of her ;[lbm,!), [(r

thatyou

C<ilni gEt

a~cl;;i}~o tile pan t

(I

creates lite fcar,

.~htaij,g in

2'. M~,v,ile TkiMJe,r. Now. ill YOllr mind's ~)'e. irn:l'!,g;il:l@: you, ,~re <J. large- movie r.hca>ter. SCJC youn;;eJf up on '~he screen i'~i a srill picrure jU\\j~. br!tH:e you had the earflJill respolh'~ fo]" the lift time. If you cafli't think 0.1 !tlle first time you ;exper.iem;C'd thili' fear, ili:irik of the filOi [ lnren e time '~hait},'iJliI have had this k:illid fear ~ pO!1,,(i'.)
I.)

I!earn ery q\l.ic:kly. The second imp{lriU'.II;[ thing tu rentemeer isthar fear is, a ,cmn"m}:r,h;'u.i~Oj~fr.Qnl "'CD,1M: unoQ;[Isci(i;~smind. Ym:Jll:' uw~'O~~cious :I]]]m:Ld8 s ~
<Iuellllptmg '[0 f)C!'~uo1!llnicate W YO'lj ~1l:a4. clan~~r:i~ 'f.,~'s,el1lt and. th<'il ycm neoo 'to be: c<tre'fUil - to tile l1~xtexerd!!e. ''Tile Fa t Pbuql,a Tedlnique: i it is importruU ~(i.expli.dll ge tLllllUgh eacb of th~!>~ep6 c_ar~fun'y.Yuu·1l notiee tbe imi[Mliti.es between j.( and '!he two previous exercises. Afret y u have experienced the impact I)f those two ~. ercises, ytl'u are now ready toassimllat _'them iato one process, Using this technit~ue. you'll be able to ebange ;I ~e.• rful 'e)!.pe:;ielJ1l,ce a lmoa detached memory. I'ms rnethcd is .a,propritlle Jor .aiI)' sitlllOllt]OIl, memory, pt event where yO'Il "W,;j:]1I~,'10 eliminate; sfrol:'rg-l!fa;egmti1l,1e. feelings,;~t ,C,lEiI abo be jj~ea en 'les!;]~te:nBe un,[~a'Sllnt memcries. Y'DU may want to ha ve someone assist yo,u in goh~g througb this [.I1'01:e s wit/h a '!,I"ery • tr'Ong unpi,cas.anl lIi1lemm:y.

3' .• Le,/lve Pady. N cw Imagine :I'IOfll.i:lIg, out of },o!J,rbodr lIJMi go tip into t'he projectionl lJ.fl;(1!h,~. that [lOW yo,tiI, CEil],J 0 IOU'!and ~~e YOlif3eHf w<lIlchil1g - urself on the . creen, (For a heigJ!l pl:mbilli. iesread of guing 1)1]) in~Q lihLe projec1~m'l boeth, jU$l im.il.gme you fliI,Q'ved ~a.elt(ell rawsin u thea'te;['~) Stay i mI t~\i.is p;rojet}li.o.I1D. bC:"~lUi 1J.iiUil yo~ are instructed W letl.\"iOl .i!~. 4. iVQ/~b a M:avie,. As eu w3.tch ymlrselfwalcfiing yi]urse~' '" 'be ill to [,lUi ae1::il:ilct:-<l1Jd~"",,ihite rnm.'iie of W~UlLt .llC1llciUy (!c~IJHU~ 111 that feari'1l1 S]tl]<ltiOfl, ,find see YOllffiell going Ihfo 'gil, lhm ,exp~~rien e. O]1liil1l!JIe to watcl:r'lhat m te fWIlIl' the proj tioa bO\Jit11, until yon r:~8eh ~JI1{~ ol'li_l;]_:ilUl<llio\lll wben; the trauma \I' as ver, end amidYOUlClIIII tell :Iimtl your mo ie th~4 you're safe agaln, At th,j, poi nt. !ltofl the movie mid make ]t into II s4,;npict~rt of yourself ;iller the Ulll1:!:i.iI:l,t was, {l'ller with. .llnckwa$id, ow Ilea'\i'·ethe project~m:l beeth, the still ,pj!::~!J:re01'1~tt: •. resn, ,::tnd go t!b[iUll~1 du:, experience bi!l!:kw,1;I:rd, c lor, 'L1 l 11 iJ: time werereversed 1I_IlIJ ynu in w r b jllg sucked back UH'Htlghiii! by It ,gialH VaCllum c.le2l1lC!:r.n ~ 't:hi. vC.l¥ '(j'lllickly. ill bout one and one ,half, eecnds, 1)0 this step e e ,1 nlOrn times iI' you believe i~\t mild be he,lpflil. \' ben YQu'f'C".finlshed!. actually p,liIvsictlU}' ~e:t up and [UO\'e ur III tIamund. Sh ake your <lfIDS and Ie a deep breaill:l .
:d~p'il1~o

5. Nm,I'

~"f!'M',OM,U!

.~'ldiQl,]ghithis meth.m'l will work weH~vi th very imense fears or :pbo~~.i<.lli, l'nJgJ:dy fflCClmme:l'bd ~l:iat 'YO'lJl te(~T~]ll:ne ]l\roce s ti:!Qi!'we
O'lJIglidy ~ 'Usu [l~
mil. es
..

'Wl'I:Jt/e.r-1:!udy fear[uJ siru.atiol'l,

J. l"(tarj,tJl Sjtn.ar~rm,. T,aklll a 1I1imJlte and tlii!'!l'i. of a: iltl:llion 'that YOII moder3t l',,<lrfiuL This C<ul(l be ma 'ing ,a' ~d calli,

6..(!htckil,lg, Now, 't]miJDk o:fthe experitill~t: a~ilil, IUid WlotllieeYQtJlr respcnse, h:n your mi n~,.r<llJ:e:he: 'rear on 8! :s,caJ,c !:l,r 1 iill I~, wi ~·in t 110,bein~ the watst, U]t' more '!halil 2T repeat the .e.dl'W:e PJiooes'S, be~fig ~[:[I¥rut [0, dio each step 'tllOWugfuly,

196
~t is

p
,
~'

197 IF yrru were bJ use the pbobia P . ce e on pleas[Jnt ex:peri~[lce those, toe, would become neutralized. . nd this would !1!l.ot be help:f'q,gL.~fyou were -mn' se lhis, process, '!'l'n ,aU the gpod experiem::e..; in ,a e
rebuionship UJ.eaod Ce·)jog!!: would ' anish, and 'the rel:,;uirnli hip W,O ~~]dpto;bahl)', end, UL1: can 1I,SJe:full~ u e.the phobia tedrnjqu~ ona !>udden. lock or other traumatic responses to :I.hew~y ~hala, person di,ed, a W,il'm,e; example p~(ll\rtd,ed ,earHet. ~rbistraumati resj:loil:se 10 ~ event ef de,lIlt.hi-: quite' djj\rer,~rU:fiom tll,e 10.. of tht valued tdatioflSMp and all [il~ewonderful e'Kperiiences y()i~ had in rel ali.onS~1 whh th~~t lp pel··on. U yo~ were to use rim,e' :,pll.D'bi,a :pro~ .on ~1tJ,e:10 '5 experie [Iced by n gri.eving person itwouhl e~ther Iii:. \! no e:rr:e~t.Qf il would make il ,w,or.e. beeause U1t~ menta] structure of gr:ief j s. eitm:tliy the opp9Jii~"e' o:f ill phobia. ill aphol]ia.. ,a person Uf'i'sai[lU~1f. into a very uhpl(t'tn'aril

im:PQirtam to be CIlUlli(lu ~ you lcSI the cbarnge yo,!:! !to J~st created in the real wQrld. '01" e ilmllJe, if your fear was .-1 helgh '; you :might go ~o!lfairljr high 'I"l'}"dce.look w]t a w ilfldow. Oincli~O'll~~ how your I'~f be: ClIilliged. Te t y{)mself g ntlYllll1d 1.:~n::III1~. W.it~l[~'pee ~for Y(lur (YWI'll :peI:;ona.~ safety - U e appropriate ca:u~ Ii Ii in dangerous situatiol1s- il1e feM r.msp bllb~t 'ep_t you out f'l1ille.sesituafi. ns, BO','(llI don't h,l-e rnu hi, xpenence m b 1)1) copewi'~ them. 5(]imt: ~i[u'l&iQ~Sdo hav'ei1'l~~r,em ~ilII, e" so il'_~ imllurl.mn t I.'l;"~-Cl this mld learn, h \'II ro, d III w~[h them Cl!IlI
C'

~iousl.j'Il]ld

fe'sou,roefu II ''.

The Need Em Rapid Change

h.1lv~ 3 bard t]me hel~e\l"illg ~jhat ~n hnemtse[~a:f[!11 r unplea ,tliillt response can be changed '-0' qmdd.y,.and e~:ia~_ ' Ma~].y ~:op!le: mistakenly believe tha'l challge has to be: lo~.r:5:m,d HUGUS. Tlp 12mb reason d1id ehange 'IIs'lIilJl_ UlIb:s a Lo]~g urn!;;.~ :r1;,1,o'."l'~ people

thatth.e meth(!ds -used l1ve been primhive and inapprop I.ate. V·ith rappmplfi;ate unde['shifldirw aad meiliod:s. d'l ng~ can OOCUI! more ,qukl:Hy. .. .... ..._., '.'~ ,Ii_, If' in fi;lcr, you ean' ~ f:'itange .slow 1y l Your b.raIfi learns ver)_ ast, you watched one tT~tmt!of a mnvi ~ ,t;ry dA)f f~r five ~ears. 11 would
.U

memory; ~D griehpellori,.til sociat 'E from a_-veryp'h;w~'''u' memory, Since ~1:~.smwtulf' of 'file h"'OPfO'bh:~(m.s is '0pp:O!M~e,d"l~proe:.ess h:n remedy the two problem .. is a[ Or opposise. This, I'lnwid 'su :inkling of some 0 [he' otliler ~Jile;,. iOlf assoeiation a.]])rn isseei t~on in atl:ier d
l.P~eclID.ique:\i.

be hard to leH omeoae 'th~ plo~. .00.1: w.~)u]Gi be lli'il.[JQ., ]b[~ou can on[ let the meanIng of 'Lhemovie when y(l~ watch tII~lefair!l~S ~o.b _ very f~$t. As ~~cbartl Bandler s~ys, •'Trying r~ Cllange"!}m~~II.[1,~ s!lo -.] ]S like bI'J.ving a:. cOi1!,\lersaUOri! L U1l;t: ra~~of on~ Wol'~ a day. Peeple nften sk 'H!JW often du W. need tu pracuce lb~ proGess [Q ml:iJre' it we.?'" O'[lCl€ you've done process 'tht'lmughly. yeu • '.' n"'nt . should never ne dto d it agam, Th'h. c ~l,ge 't [ler:rrta.·· ,- You ' learned to havethis ~lnp]~i:l ant. memo]: Gil" hobia very, qure 11",a.tlIti p yOIl can learn b), ehange it jut as quic'~y. We have dell eribed and d,cmonstr1l:led wlniallhl.! .l Phobia T~ch!1iqu~ doe. how it work5, and what 'i't]" ~sefu I~tl,r, 11'11loP" alt l~~ N rechmques are ,clll'''fully escnbed in erms of wb ,t they a"., 'Ii! efl!lLI for and wh1'lt ~fuey do.. It i equa:U.y irnpertant to pOI fit ,OUl wh.l Ihey don't d. ,:;Ind"\o'h:Jithey bould not be used for. t

The Three. Perceptual Po; itions

So far you"ve e pkif'ed ItW'-Q thinking perspecnves: ass-ocia.~ lion and r,lissocia;tin-n. YOtl found tb£lil by utilizlng these two perg pee uves appI\(lpri.a!ely eu can cJ~<I!te .i mpr ' ~i ' ,ebalflge ill! YQU[
life, There La~so a third, perspe :riv~ t'ija:l ),,01.1 can useto QI:eat!y increase bDrh YO:UIi ib~tsb'I'I<~Teffectiveness and the wisdom with wbkl:i you live, fiIs:l, we want to relabel beiJ~"g~"~o:ciat'Cla or rdissDd~L[ed. Beli~~g as oci.tlled. canal 01 be fhougl:n 01 <l. being iIII .set pos,i'Holl. YOU.lre eXperiencing 'ahing tilro1l:l"g;b our QiWIl eye .•. eeli[!H y~)'~trliW'fl phy~y { io]og"y. thinkil1Q1 ibout things with your (I~~111 value and through )IIOur0\ n mental filt 'f. This se~fpDsiti ,n is. "1'1 !Je1'-'pe-CQve on the world. Dlis!lociall@ [pti)vides you with a1]ol:her pe[$pet::t~v,eif! which you are an of erv r, wat 'liiog yourself. U's a aentral, detached

au$'

N
pO~~d ,of

199 :fam,ou.
?ICE f'

view, This allows you to consider a suuation in an bjec-

aid thai. h

ctually Ih_'ame lh~ eharacu r in hi

,wn

-Tru:: thinl, ,rmd new perSpec.tiv,ewe want to (l'ff~r you' being in olherpmJtion. ln which yCl'~~lake '~n oome;OTLr;:. else' ~ ex.per~ences~ Tile ability to takll: !~'lhu FQsil~(Jlf1l, p<1ll"ti.clJ:l~ail']YllIill)OfUmt, and usetul ]S w hen YflUhave a dis.;!I,grec;,uen[ or dispute with! semeone el se, ~Cl that )'1:11.1 can literd!J:]y"see it his , <1)1,," Seemg, ~,lt1!J;ati,Di1 ,the wa~ sme"gFle: else does do - n ',t me an you haveto agree \ ~tbla, and ,It do sn'rmeaaihat YOLi, have to abandon bow yOIJ e ~t.h can give you the addit]onru "fibll ~nformati,oJil you, need 1'~ .find a omrnon g[uund to begin tD resohl''' the i -ues 'Ih~t ~'la~eI:hvlde.dyO~' Beil'lg ][1 orner pos~tlon 1<S like 'being: ~n~lde the e penense of some!O'De d.se)someHmes c:aUed ,e,ru:palhy . It; s the :pori.nt of view ~~o'!J ad.ap:t ~vlle[iJyo,u stei" in~o tlte s:.hoes of tillGlh~:r· per5{)]] WId ex~ erience SOn:l:e:lhillg ~.llrol1,g~i, their Ie,yes, their meIit~~.~hc:rs. tbt:l~r personal hi.sLriry • .a:JFH:i the]lf, physlo]ogy, Tfllki[lg ot~er po llimiil, , oom.e:lili.ng. most peopte do nafiili:aUy and nurom_atit:any w~tb(lm one tjhe~'love deeply, That wo~.dcrlul feeling f connection and being together come pal11y out of tbis ,ali.gnrnenl with tJhe lnv d. pe.rson" view ..

nve

W:lV,

w[l'ld"$ eye. 'He w ~M se the world ,Ufferen"tly. he would understand iL differemly. and he would even do iLllin.g,:s 'pontalu!ou Iy that

de. ire " ~l1Idper~pecd . es. Wben we ,ask someene mlodl\: at something LI1'roIJ,gh .our 'yes we' we feoqu.esling tb.eRil lo ~ake oHler pos~tknll. our pesition, on 11 p,fWt:k:ular ilssue: mad. uy 101:1 eur experience of 'it. ,\Ve,'re~. ill,~ l~em to le,mlm,m~ie deeply WJdl us, Veryl few peCilple I!~·iilnli10' dD tn] , U11, a thQl"OU,g~1 a:ni:l eO!lillJl.t}n! WOl,Y" yet!t'h a.b:ilit)' to t~ike, otner p os<i[j~~, gives yON" ~ powetful ai'lld.t~S ful new perspectrve 01;1, your behavior
or

Toget a clearer idea of mh r po jtiOllll,. th1ok:of being i a me ..1e Ilhe ter, \~.Jcbing a b.I,rorj,te :111m the scr,l!en----'j" . U nanually adopt all
and b'OJClle: bhl1 r her in your im'[tghmlioD. Fo' exampl@,.]f someone were being chased, you have ,all t~e "'e~~ '~aH(Jlllof 'being p'!1fsn~d; y~ U hand SW!;!~ltj'. Y(lil.ilf be.art ,f~CU'ilg. m s.pin~1of It;~ thai )leu .are sitting s,ardy iliil, 'lile theater, 1hat' so'~:nJl fact, ~y
ill.

011

.any stt'l.l.ado!l.,

a iUlal~ion,. Perhaps tiue 'be&twe to re ..liz - the importanoe of l1ther n IOn to think of Sit~l!jj[ti'OIU.il1 wtLicl:l ]( is absenrL ~n~il'l_k bout how ClOmlIlI:Ion it ~s--~d hu\· Umi'[i.nga[l~, dfl![1I1ag:ung i1 emil be-,to. n"~;lJ;ke dedsu~uil~ fI'(Hl1 ooly o~c. per peetive. For e.. )l~mpJ:~. Oa'l'ilp3n]~S tb~}t po~,h~lerivers or air, or Iha~ cut down rain fbres[s flJ)jj .. hort-gain profits, Olliemaki]l!g decisions strtctly fromthejr '(H.Oi] per 'pecliwe. hink of an abusive or aUloc.mf.iJc' boss tha;[ you l1ligllil h." e had.
in making deeisi ns fr' m onlv [h ir ewn your espe ienee'} .. You C',;!1fi1 pflobabt think of many nthe: IJnplen am . mptes in Y,O'l1[ I ife when someone d ida 't 'Lltempt to take orh Ii'" po hicm, ami undeJ's[and what it was like to be on 'the QUter sld:e of 'tile '.itm,uioll. IIow g1ud~ s[m~'le:f and i,Ume pleasm'[ ir weu ld have oe>en if bq'Jl~h parties had, really entered lt~e experience of ~.hc other, LJ eo the ful:Juw.in exercise to deepen YUlir <Ibihty to take ollter position .tnd e!nter iinlO[I'I!c c. periene: f .'>om:eon,e el e.
IIIlC,

w,eren<U !1eces£arUy's.(yiTle:[h~nghe'lnmself would J,t1, but 'Wol1!]d eel'lllliniy be spm..e~hing lJh!~[chm<L~~,er \,~(l'U~ddo, Gandhi wrete 'Iha'~,in prepidrathon ~OJl 'a negotiation he would eonside slruations through the 'eye~ of timeHindu. the MOl',l,em, and the B!:ith;h. He would think efactual people tbat he believed repre~ented these 'pilt'l:ktlkllf point! of Jew and adopt their bod posture to I:ll!:d, unde;fst.md their thj~ikjng on the issues, . One th·e'people who worked wlth Gandhi ',lIid r.11( bef6, t parneular negoliation, Gandhi UI1'!)Ul' d alJQlu his house ho~ding his hands Ute: [jhe Bti'rron h~ wa~ ,goirng 'IDO meet w:itb,. wh,j'!e thinking U]:I'{I,ugheaeh of his :~~mLh~I'e.~ts ,. TIil ]s a. de.1ti), re£el)e we to. Ollrcr position. Galldlhi .d~OIsaid tba.!. he cons..i[iered h~':i.negot[iation oet'CCU'l:Jie~ through [be eyes efthe wo.r~c1'_<l.]jj observer pe:rs''pecJ:i'!i'~ before prcpesingthern. Much 0 hb wisdom. resulted [rom hi kill at taking different perspeetl es Wl'ten you take .other ro~ itio]1" ou IJ: ,( n .."' 'and useful .i nf _ rmation bout how somenne el se e .peri on .

or

Wasn 'tthat peon

sell po. ili~n. W[(Jl'li)iU~

3. 'though I 10

character's

f~ling.

~ald~gother PQs),tiO:rl. , ,.. , .. . ffectl ve actresses and it lo~ areknown [(if then' ric h ability 00 ~o~pinto, Ille shoes of tbeir chMaete:r and. become' Lhat per 'il. Ofle