English 150

Jacob Nelson

3/14/2011

Essay Nr. 2

Times They Are aChanging

By Jacob Nelson

Times They Are a-Changing

How have gender roles changed in the last two generations? To find this out I looked at a very subjective example, namely myself and my grandfather. Its easy to condemn earlier generations for being narrow-minded, but it can be very hard to empathize with them as our view of the world has changed in immense ways over the past few centuries. I was shocked, for example, to find out how my grandpa looked at the earth as a much bigger place than I see it now and at his lack of worldliness at my age. These many changes can easily be seen when viewing my grandfather and I, both coming from similar places and families, but still we are very different individuals based on our values, our separate educations, our goals and also the expectations society had and still has for us. In Katha Pollitts essay Why Boys Dont Play With Dolls, she talks about the differences between boys and girls and whether their causes lie outside of society, in the way we raise our kids or if the reasons can be found in media influences. She points out the double standards even feminists have for their children, especially boys, and the fact that we like theories of innate differences between genders because they let parents off the hook for raising their children to fulfill gender stereotypes. She claims that determinist theory is already disappearing and asks whether this will continue in the future and how. She concludes by saying that we really have no choice in the matter of sending our children message about being male and female as they are bombarded with such messages all the time. My Grandfather grew up in the 1940s, when family meant something different than it

English 150

Jacob Nelson

3/14/2011

means to many people today. Our families, while quite similar, have a few meaningful differences mainly in our values. My grandpas family were farmers in Illinois, who valued honesty, hard work and believed strongly in Jesus. My parents are hardworking, honest and down to earth college graduates, who are religious in the sense that we belong to a synagogue because my mom enjoys going to services. Our roles as men in our respective families differ to an extent. Ive always been required to clean my room and the kitchen as my chore, as well make dinner on a night of my choosing every week. Such chores were the responsibilities of my grandpas sisters and mother. He was required to work in the fields and help out fixing things. I expect my chores would be more similar to his were we to live on a farm. However like Pollitt says in her essay Why Boys Dont Play With Dolls my parents would have been happy were my sisters to flout conventions and take over such farm chores. I seriously doubt my great grandparents would have felt the same. The expectations our families have for us have changed drastically as my grandpas parents always knew he would work in agriculture when he finished his schooling while I have little to no concrete job expectations I must fulfill, although it is expected that I at least get a bachelors degree. I attribute this to the ease with which one can now rise in class compared to back in the day and the decrease of location specific, inherited jobs. A main point of divergence in our thinking is our stance on relationships. My generation and I certainly look at marriage in a different light than my grandpas did. My grandpa married my grandmother when he was 21 and a year later my dad was born. Were I to follow in his footsteps my parents would be shocked and probably a tad bit angry. I myself am opposed to getting married before I am in a stable job or before Im 35.
3

Whichever comes last. Thinking on the matter has changed due to divorce becoming a more readily accepted option and childrearing getting more expensive. An interesting similarity in relationships can be found in dating. My grandfather told me he would usually take girls out to movies. This was because he had to talk to them less than if they went to dinner and he wasnt particularly smooth with the ladies. Movies are still a popular date today though I believe more for the fact that they can be used as 90 minute make-out sessions. On the other hand raising a family has changed in large and important ways and often bears little similarity to the olden days. My grandparents had three kids by the time they were both in their 30s and my grandmother stayed at home to raise them. My parents didnt have me, their oldest child, until they were both 30 and my mom only started staying at home when my first sister was born and she went back to work soon after my second sister was born. This is linked to it being more accepted for women to work in more and higher up positions and the widespread use of nannies. I assume it also has to do with children and living being more expensive than they used to be. I think the element of life that has perhaps changed the least in the last two generations is school, but many changes have nevertheless taken place. The main change is how girls are treated in relation to boys. High school for boys was a stepping stone to college or agricultural work for my grandpa and for girls it was a way to keep busy and meet a husband. For example my grandparents met in their senior year of high school. Pollitt tells us in her essay that the world of rigid and hierarchical sex roles evoked by determinist theories is already passing away and a great example to highlight this is that high school is as much an institution for boys as it is for girls and in Switzerland

English 150

Jacob Nelson

3/14/2011

where I went to high school more girls go to high school than boys. The feminist movement is responsible for this change in rights and behavior. As I mentioned before another difference is high school being viewed as fun something that probably few people today would agree with. School is still very structured for the most part, but much less than it was 50 years ago. My grandpa was required to show up to school for eight hours every day and he had no choice what classes he could take. I have always had a different schedule every day and never more than 35 hours a week. This change is definitely a good one as not everyone is wired the same so not everyone will excel within the same structure. Life after schooling is still largely the same. Society expected my grandpa to start a career once he finished college and start a family and I believe society expects much the same from me. The difference is that I can even think of not doing this as in my grandpas day societys expectations were not questioned, at least not in rural Illinois. Based on location, careers were assumed for people in my grandfathers generation and there was little creativity in these expected careers. My grandfather was expected to work at home as a young adult and do hard physical labor. Due to us not living on our farm, my parents cant really expect that of me. It was expected of my grandfather to do mainly physical labor over mental labor such as is expected of me. He worked in the fields as a youth and in college he had numerous physically demanding jobs such as making and putting up signs, carrying heavy bags in the grocery stores and helping build things around campus, jobs that wouldnt have been open to a woman in those times. The only jobs I have had so far havent been jobs that required much thinking, but they have all been relatively undemanding physically and furthermore none of them
5

were jobs limited to males as there are few if any of those these days. The hardest labor Ive had to do to earn money was haul trash cans around when I worked as a janitor. I think the differences are due to the areas where we both grew up and the increase of machines doing labor as opposed to humans. As Ive mentioned it was always assumed that my grandfather would work in agriculture. He studied agricultural economics and he ended up working in agriculture his whole life. I on the other hand am free to study whatever I want and afterwards I wont be bound to one area for the rest of my life because there is less family tradition in jobs nowadays. Values, be they political or family have changed drastically since my grandpa was a boy. Family values have changed in a big way. Men are no longer the leader of the household and women must no longer stay at home to cook and clean. My grandpa was and still is the leader of his household because thats just the way it was. If and when I get married I do not expect to be the sole leader of the family. It will be a responsibility I will share with my wife and we will probably share the chores as is done nowadays. The saddest change I see is the lack of trust between males and everyone else. Women seem to trust people and society more and many guys I know have a distrust of people and government that is based on nothing. My grandpa told me stories of leaving the keys in his car, when he went to town because he knew everybody and knew they wouldnt even think of taking something out of his car no less stealing it. I doubt anyone anywhere in America would even consider that now. I cant see any reason for this distrust, but even so I still wouldnt leave my keys in my car in town. The biggest difference I can see between my grandfather and I is his professed lack of goals and ambitions, when he was my age. Pollitt writes in her article people aspire to

English 150

Jacob Nelson

3/14/2011

what is possible, and conform to what is necessary, and this can easily be recognized in my grandfather. He had accepted that he would be a farmer for the rest of his life, whereas I can still be almost anything I want to be as I have nothing standing in my way as long as Im willing to work for it. This lack of career aspirations was due to his parents constant reinforcement of the notion that he would be a farmer. His one goal was to start a family, but at the same time that was a given anyways. He told me he only started to have goals when he had kids and his goals were for them and not for himself. But this drove him to look for better work so it was a family as well as a career goal. I cant really relate as I have yet to start a family, but it is interesting that he wanted a better life for his family through financial gains while his parents viewed their life as fulfilling like it was and expected him to continue their lifestyle. In terms of education he had little ambition. He only went to college because he was offered a scholarship for athletics. I have always aspired to go to college whether I get a scholarship or not. In conclusion gender roles have changed considerably in the last two generations. For example no longer is a woman expected to be a nurse instead of a doctor and a man is not necessarily expected to be the sole provider for a household. It will be interesting to see how close gender roles will coincide, as in my mind men will never be women and vice-versa so there is a limit, but I have no idea quite where that limit is to be found.

Works Cited: Pollitt, Katha. Why Boys Dont Play With Dolls. Seeing & Writing 4. Ed. Donald
7

Mcquade and Christine McQuade. Boston: Bedford/St. Martins, 2010. 381-383