'W

~

N \l
_J
-,

W\
-,-------~

Z-

ALWAYS Free

So I think I'm on Facebook. Not sure. I signed up and filled out paper work. Made up all the best lies I could to look cool. Pushed all the damn buttons and got finger spasm clicking the damn mouse four thousand times. When it was finally done andl was congratulated. I sat. Then I sat even more. I stared. Then stared some more. I kinda had a half smile. Kinda not. I was waiting for the big secret. The balloons and confetti. The flying 3D arrow that would make me dodge my head left and spill my popcorn while my girl shrieked and clung tightly to my arm. Nothing. I couldn't fucking believe it. Going from My5pace to Facebook is like switching from Bud Light to Coors Light. Not much difference in quality or volume. All I could think of was "Do all Lemmings die"? It's one of those life questions. If I was a Lemming I would have died. That's deep. Now a Cult has some salt behind it. That's the route I wanna take. Cults have humor and a fabulous fashion sense. My followers (known as Nielzine Zoonies) would wear flamingo pink shark skin suits and alabaster colored shoes with black socks. Some "must
dO'SIl

would be

staring at the Sun until eyes watered once a day and the always fun sex worship of koshered deli meats. I have a few others under my cape but I don't want to bore you. Last week was my official last day of work. Layed off. No jobski. Job to India. Simply grand. I have been keeping myself busy by updating my resume from carved stone tablets and bits of bamboo to something the young people call the Internet. I swept/dusted no under pants on.
J

the entire house with only drank five days

risked my life saving a worm from sure death in the very wet and

treacherous gutters out front of my house. I have cut back on my drinking.l

last week and spent the other two lying face down in bed with the shakes wishing I had a drink. Let's see....what else. Oh, I learned how to tie a thirteen knot noose. I worked out in the pool with some cinderblocks tied to my feet. Deep end .. Doing good. Thanks for asking . Recorded some Heavy Rescue songs that I am trying to keep on the down low. Not really trying to tell anyone. This is just between you and I. But yes, got "Snake Lung" and" Get the Whip" fully recorded on Saturn's Bring. Re-mastered them on Uranus. Again, not really wanting to let everyone know. So anyway enough of that. Didn't even really want to talk about Heavy Rescue. Just kinda popped into my head so I just threw it out there. Kinda like a one on one thing with you, the individual reader. So anyway. Thank you for your time. May your God please you and my Zoonies. Welcome to NIELZINE #80

/

www.re\.erbnati()f\ ..1:"()JriIHea\.~f{esetJ.e

HEYIBEAVETTE
ST.AND I NG ON T HE CORNER OF 5T HAND MA IN I WAS ST.ANDING THERE WAITING FOR THE LIGHT TO CHANGE SHE PULLED UP TO THE CORNER IN A RED ,~LG, SHE WASN'T CHECKIN' OUT THE STOP LIGHT SHE WAS CHECKIN'OUT SHE LOOKED SO GOOD SITTING THEREIN THE GUTTER FROl'1 MV L IPS THESE WORDS SHE HEARD f"lE MUTTER
HEl' BEAVETTE

11E

VOU'O BE THE BEST I BET HEV BEAVETTE I HAVEN'T TRIED 'IOU VET (LEAD) HEV BEAVETTE YOU'D BE THE BEST I BET HEV BEAVETTE I HA V.EN'T TR I ED 'IOU VET SITTIN' THERE LOOKIN' GOOD BEHIND THE WHEEL I WONDER I F SHE'S FELLIN' THE SAt1E THINGS I FEEL SHE ROLLED DOWN THE WINDOW CALLED ME OVER TO HER CAR SHE SAID CAN I DIRECT VOU TO THE NEAREST BAR I JUMPED IN HER CAR AND DIDN'T ASK NO QUEST IONS THE REST OF THE STORT' IS OPEN FOR SUGGESTIONS HEV BEAVETTE VOLI WERE THE eEST ONE VET HEV BEAVETTE 'iOU KNOW 'IOU MAKE ME WET

EI Camino By Nick Sex I'll pick you up In my EI Camino Take you downtown Take you dancing We'll knock them all dead We'll paint the town red I'I! be a Romeo You Juliet In My EI Camino The girls no say no They no say go slow They only say oohh EI Camino Then we go driving My EI Camino Somewhere real private And romantico Down by the Rio Park EI Camino I pull you real close Es muey frio EI Camino Fueled by mojo Girls no say no In my EI Camino We go to movie A drive in movie Fog up the window In myel camino Es no el Baja Es no Ranchero Esta Chevy Chevy EI Camino The fronts a car The back a truck A perfect place For we ca n fuck If I get tired Might let you drive her Pull off a dark road And I will whisper In My EI Camino The girls no say no They no say go slow They only say oohh El Camino Fueled by mojo Girls no say no In my EI Camino In My EI Camino The girls no say no They no say go slow They only say oohh EI Camino

David Madgalene
". just like people lost in the desert, you had to figure and when sooner or later
-~.... "' ............

11!!i~I.1ft ~ .... ¥t&3QJ §

~--

i'd meet up with the Egyptians. Egyptian y'know girls,

it came to those

I was helpless. that just vulture. that vulture be a be a be a can't

there be one specie of vulture that be the Egyptian

wait. yeah, and do y'know

that to those Egyptians

symbol of life? that is to say, also, that vulture symbol symbol of death. that is to say again, that vulture

of life. that Egyptians had many goddesses well, that be vultures.

y'know

as to which but y'know

is the prettiest,

a man can only guess. and her little sister

Isis had a little sister

some say be just as pretty

as Isis herself.

her name be Nephthys. she be one most beautiful sometimes sometimes a vulture 'cause, friend, goddess.

she be an angel. she be a vulture.

that just can't wait.

i'm here to tell you, i found out the a goddess'less you're ready like to

hard way. don't go courtin' give it all you got.

'cause them goddesses they get hungry.

be just

people.

DITCH By Alex Leibert

I was at my apartment making a big pot of pasta around six-thirty on Friday night. I was making a good one. Meatballs, olives, mushrooms, tomatoes and garlic were all in there. The phone rang and it was Chris. He was down at a bar a couple of blocks from my place. I told him I was cooking and he said he was hungry so I told him to come over. He asked if he could bring his friend Cal and I said sure and told them to come over around seven. I finished the pasta and then got into the shower. The hot water felt good. When Chris and Cal showed up, they were really drunk. They work construction and it had rained that day so they didn't work. They had been down at the bar since noon. Cal's wife worked at the bar as a bartender. I served them up some food and we ate. I had beer in the fridge and whiskey on the counter and we drank that, too. Cal's wife, Sherry, finished her shift at eight, so we had to go back to the bar to meet her. Right before we left my place, Chris pulled a little bag out of his coat pocket that had white powder in it. Cocaine. I gave him a CD case and he put three lines out. I only did half of mine, so Chris finished it off. I am really sensitive to that stuff and it kind of scares me, so I only do a little bit I felt really high as we walked back down to the bar. Sherry was still behind the bar when we got there and I ordered a beer. I gave her four dollars. At the end of the bar I saw a woman who used to date one of my friends. I went down and sat next to her. "So, how is the single life treating you?" I asked. "Not bad. I've been going out a lot and havin' fun. I'm meeting some girlfriends at another bar soon. Do you want to come?" "Thanks for the offer, but I'm hanging out with these clowns tonight/' I said as I pointed to Chris and Cal. "Okay," she said. "How is the single life treating you?" "Oh, fine. I miss having someone around to cook for. I also miss myoid girlfriend's dog. Other than that, things are all right," I said. I was lying. I was lonely, but I wasn't about to tell her that. "I know what you mean. I really miss having that warm body next to me at night," she said. "Yeah, me too." "Are you sure you don't want to come with me tonight?" "I'm sure."

"AU right." "Well, I'm gonna go shoot some pool with Chris and Cal. I'll see ya around," I said. "See ya later," she said as she ordered another drink.
I played a few games of pool while we waited for Sherry to get done. When she finished she walked over to us. She had a drink in her hand. Chris was outside smoking and Cal and I were drinking and talking.

"Let's go somewhere else. I've been here all day," Sherry said.
"All right. Let me go get Chris," Cal said.

"Can't we just leave hlm here? He's had like nine shots of tequila and five or six beers. I'm getting really tired of him. He's been in here all day:' Sherry said. "J've been in here all day, too," said Cal. "Yeah, but I'm madly in love with you," Sherry said. She kissed Cal and then they hugged and stared into each other's eyes. I felt jealous. I wanted someone to say that to me. "Okay., ilet's get out of here," Cal said. They started to leave .. "Can I come with you guys? I don't want to stay he.rewith Chris if he's really that drunk. He'll start acting creepy," f said. "Sure, honey. Let's go," said Sherry. We left and walked down to a pool hall a few blocks away. It was raining and the rain felt good on my face. (twas a bitter cold night and it .really made me feel alive. We got inside and ordered a pitcher of beer. The beer went down smooth and I liked hanging out with Cal and Sherry. The cocaine made me talk more than I usually do. I said things I wouldn't normally say. I was talking to strang.ers ..After about forty minutes, Chris walked in and saw us. "Why the fuck did you guys ditch me?" He asked. H~ looked drunk and wild eyed. "I told you we were coming down here. Don't you remember? You were outside smoking and you said you'd catch up to us," Cal said. Chris looked confused. He rolled his eyes up to the heavens as if he was struggling to remember something. "Oh, yeah. You're right. I forgot." A smile came across his drunken face and all was forgotten.

We played pool and drank for a couple of hours. Chrispa.ssed out on a bench next to our table. A woman kept coming up and hitting on me. I politely declined her advances, but she kept coming back. She was really drunk. Her friends apologized to me, but I told them it was no big deal. She was actually kind of cute, but I have a thing for one of Sherry's friends. Eventually., I had to be rude to this lady just so she would leave me alone. She said, "If you want me to go away, just say it. Just say it. Just say it." So, I said it. And she left. Cal wanted to do more coke so we decided to walk over to Cal and Sherry's apartment. "What about Chris?" Cal asked. Chris was still passed out on the bench. "Fuck him. I'm tired of his hijinks," Sherry said. We left and stopped at the liquor store and bought a twelve-pack of beer ..Then we went to their apartment. It was a nice apartment. A little cluttered, but it had a nice feel to it My apartment has an empty feeling to it. You could tell that life was happening here. Real life. Arguing, eating, paying bills, sleeping, drinking, smoking, television watching, drugs., dreaming. We did some more coke. I said things I don't normally tell anyone. We drank some m.ore. All o,f a sudden, there was a knock on the door and then the door opened. It was, you guessed it, Chris. "Hey, why the tuck did you guys leave me at the pool hall?" "We told you we were leaving and you said you would catch up to us. You were talking to that woman," Cal said. "I did?" "Yeah." Once again, Chris searched the far cavities of his brain trying to remember. "All right," he said. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat down. We sat around and talked. Sherry was on the computer. ,I felt really Jittery and I asked Sherry if I could type something. She said sure and set it up so I could type. The typing was just what I needed in my condition. The coke was stiHracing through me. I started to record everything that Cal, Sherry and Chris said. They were high and drunk and it made for some great writing ..When there was a pause in the conversation, I wrote song. lyrics from my fa.vorite songs. I typed for an hour straight without stopping once. The room was mesmerized by how fast I could type. I was a little surprised myself. As the coke started to wear off, I started to feel desperate and uncomfortable. getting really late. Chris had faHen asleep on the couch. I stood up. It was

"Thanks for everything. I think I'm gonna go home now." "Don't leave yet. There's still plenty of beer. Do you need another line?" Cal asked. "No. I'm fine. "II see you guys later," I said. "See ya," said Cal. "Bye, honey. We'll see you later," said Sherry. I opened the door, went out, and closed it behind me. The rain had slowed to a drizzle, but it was still freezing cold. Ididn't want to go home because I knew I would never sleep and I couldn't take another night staring at the ceiling. Iwalked around town for two hours. Iwondered about my life and how I ended up where Iwas, wandering the streets alone at four o'clock in the morning. A feeling of loneliness hit me like a sledgehammer. I saw a cop car and it made me paranoid, so I decided to go home. I felt terrible. I got into bed and tried to sleep. It was futile. I was too tired to do anything else, so I just stayed in bed with my thoughts. When the sun came up, Igot up with it and walked to the coffee shop.

Andy Coverts Top Five METAL/ROCK front

men of all TIME!!

METAL
5. Bruce Dickinson 4. Rob Halford
3. Ozzy Osbourne

2. Ronnie James Dio 1. Lemmy Kilmister

HARD ROCK
5. Freddie Mercury 4. Axl Rose 3. Bon Scott 2. David Lee Roth 1. Robert Plant

Andy Covert's

"World Famous " Quick Lists
50 RANDOM PEOPLE OR THINGS THAT ARE NOT COOL (AND NEVER WILL BE.)

1. Oprah Winfrey 2. Nickelback 3. The I.R.S. 4. Fanny packs 5. Winnebagos 6. American Idol 7. Boy bands 8. Politicians

20..Patchouli oil 21. Any cast member of "The Real World" or "Road Rules" 22. Glee 23. Beanie babies 24 ..Avril Lavigne 25. Miley Cyrus 26. Bi1ly Ray Cyrus 27. Prop comics 28. Dancing With The Stars 29. John Tesh 30. Sequels 44. Unicorns

45. Supennodels
46. Line dancing 47. Pajama jeans 48. Penis enlargement pills 49. Larry The Cable Guy 50. The Wayans Bothers

9. Socks with sandals
10. Lawyers

11. Paid Programming
12. "My other car is a..." bumper stickers 13. Anyone who still uses the phrase "off the hook" 14. Mark McGrath

31. Prequels
32. Anything directed by Michael Bay 33. Wall Street (Not the movie. The actual place.) 34. Rollerblades 35. Fabio

I S. Paris Hilton
16. The entire cast of "Friends" 17. Donald Trump 18. Jean shorts 19. Ashton Kutcher 36. Christian rock 37. Charlie Sheen

40. VHI 38. Vanilla Ice 41. Coldplay 39.MTV 42. Dane Cook 43. Mariah Carey

on, well.)

I,

;-..~
I'
,;.

..
,-,
;,

~-:

~. ~ ..
.,.'t

..... ...
:

..-..._

,

.............

.
~ ~

~...
'.,

» "-",J

.s'*'··.. /L-';:;~'~

_!

......

-...

.~ ..
,.
wi ",,,'"

... -~

,ii"'1 I· ~ .:. ...

.~

,

~

•..<

,l

To move at progressive speed or To travel at the pace of your own fucking life, cordially. When will it become stagnant? But, then again, when does time become over rushed? How to find pace, flowing pace, at the level of a contented river, not damned, nor flooding. Wasted time cannot be forewarned. But the time is either flashing, stro be-like, or not sailing, breezelessly. Find me the balance. But, then again, perfection is death to beauty, to definition, to making amends. Out of sync makes it all too damn interesting. We couldn't work the world, If it didn't work us first.

e;

._"
,~

.....

.

1 .......

'<, __

=

-e= ~'- - ..

~ ......
",
"

t,..

;--?'_.'

"

.J

'

~.,
:

_.'

~'

.....

'.

...

'.
",

."

.'.'
e,

.""",

_'

.

....~

c::'

:

..
..... ,..
.:....-,.r:

Daniefle Britt Pearl
.;,.

......... ,'

{'.~...

4-';: ;,;,

,,' ~4.... -> ", '

-~,
~:'-~

,-':. , .',~

~,;~"

.

-t:

-_

..........

.~ .

~-

-

........ :......

-

.......

\..~

·~~4·,-:-!.... ..

. ._ ...

David Madgalene

shels a ki11er •.. a murderer. they all are.

the trick is to find one worthy personal of your own execution.

but i heard a rumour: even dead men get the blues.

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful