H.I.S.

-tory
Ciotti

by Vince

Episode # 37:

XMAS at the Vendors

2011 H.I.S. Professionals, LLC

How Vendors Celebrated XMAS lets take a Since its the holiday season,

break from all this high tech & business stuff to look at the human side of HIS vendors. How various HIS vendors celebrate Xmas through Yes, despite the bottom-line profit ! motivation and 90-day earnings-per-share pressures, vendors are extremely oldfashioned when it comes to Xmas, and their parties reflect their culture. The vendor Xmas parties I remember most fondly were: McAuto an office open house where you took the kids. HIS Inc. families too, where my son

PARTIES

SMS First Xmas Bash year, the firm Way back in 1969, SMS first

was still pretty small (under 50 FTEs), and there was no Xmas tradition yet We were all based in King of Prussia (only 1 regional office in LA), so when a Xmas party was announced, it drew everyone! It was held at the Valley Forge Tavern (which later blew up when a boiler exploded!) Pictured on the left are two in KOP, our favorite watering hole for lunch, young IDs couples decked and in late Dec., SMS rented out the whole out in their finest: joint for the party. - Me & my unfortunate wife Judy - Virgil Scott & his lovely wife Carolyn

 VP and gave out Xmas presents/awards to our two founders: Jim Macaleer, our President, was given a gift for the Longest Hair Award a little odd as you can see by his distinctly non-hirsute appearance! He proceeded to Harvey Wilson, Sr. VP and sharp unwrap the package only gift for the dresser, next got a to find a comb inside. Silence pair of Loudest Tie Award a reigned in the hall scissors, which John removed from the box and then used to cut Harveys tie in half! Everyone roared

You had to be there John Marshall picked up the mike

My Turn Next!
One of the most popular TV shows back then was the Dean Martin Roast series, in which a bunch of stars & comics sat behind a long table and took turns giving mock tributes to one of their peers, who became the object of the insults & nasty jokes.

After being soundly roasted, the poor target was then given the mike, and he/she lashed back at the roasters, usually giving

XMAS Party Idea!?

So my warped brain dreamed up a theme for a later Xmas party in K of P, a few years later, after SMS had grown to over 100 FTEs. One day, I approached Big Jim with the idea of a group of us mimicking Deano, and roasting him at our upcoming Xmas party Knowing that Big Jim would probably (remember, thewas very young some even dumber be I recipient of and pretty at the time...) barbed wise-cracks (especially from his younger brother Terry who I had on the dais), I tried to salvage what might be left of how many by giving image I dont know my career of todays Jim a book I conscious had found chock full of insults. CEOs would have acquiesced to being I even of him list firm, Top roasted in front gavetheir aentire of the but Big 10 one to shy from a fight, and to Jim was never to use on us

The Big Night

So as the night of the Xmas party rolled around, I assembled a dais of fellow King-OfPrussians who also has sufficient chutzpah ( and lack of intelligence) to dare to insult the man our president (from lefty to right on the photo on the following page): Jack Gontarz Admin. Mgr., in charge of keeping the lights on John Marshall VP of Marketing and our Master of Ceremonies Yours Truly looking every bit the weird hippie freak I was Big Jim smiling in advance of his chance to play it for tat!

SMS XMAS Party HIS-tory

Big Jims Revenge

One after another, we ripped into Jim bigtime, assailing his: Consideration for calling meetings at 6PM on Fridays Wide variety of shirts (white), ties (blue) and shoes (wing-tip) Willingness to hear the other side (before saying Hell no!) Terry Macaleer was absolutely the nastiest, digging up stories from their childhood that would have made their mother cringe! Through it all, Jim joined in the laughter as we all shot our wads, and then he took the rostrum and proceeded to give even better than he got! Apparently, he got the names of our

Baddest of the Bad

No one else in the company knew the inside joke, as Jim hit me with the very Top 10 list of insults I had given him to use on everyone else. Some of the best (or is it worst?): A demitasse would fit your head like a sombrero. A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too! A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind. He saved this nastiest one for last. (By way of background, I was the Education