The I-message

There is a good way of giving feedback called the I-message It is so called because the person who opens the discussion departs from him or herself and his or her needs and gives feedback in the first person (using the I form).

The I-message means that the speaker is frank and honest when talking about: Behaviour What I see and hear. When you... Emotion What I feel when I see or hear this. Do I become .... angry, sad, happy, anxious, etc.? Consequence Why I react in this way. Because.., And why like this.. Volition What I wish would happen instead. I would like/wish ..... e.g. Your support for me and my proposals during the meeting, despite many peoples opposition, made me very happy. Together we will manage to find the best solution to the issue. e.g. When you push so hard to convince me how much better your proposal is, I feel dejected and afraid and I dont want to talk to you any more. I wish we could evaluate our arguments in peace and quiet so that I dont have to scream to make myself heard.