The World's Greatest Fan

An atmosphere of tension lingers in the air. The crowd is dead still as a man steps up to the plate. Just one obstacle stands between failure and a championship. The pressure of a cult of fans is resting on one man's shoulders. A whistle breaks the silence. The ball is blasted from the field...GOAL! Manchester United win the Champions League! I am a Manchester United fan of note. My dad has been the driving force in the greatest passion of my life since the day I was born. I am a Manchester United fan - born and quite clearly...bred. I come from a long line of Manchester United supporters that can be traced back through a number of generations before me. In fact, it seems that the "Manchester United" gene is mutating and each generation is becoming exponentially more fanatical. It all started off with my grandfather and his friends loudly cheering for the Man United team of his day, while sipping a gentlemanly beer at the local pub, listening to a radio broadcast of the match of the day. But now it seems to have taken on a life of its own. Our weekends, anniversaries, birthdays and even holidays are carefully planned around the Premier League Fixtures-and well-when it comes to the FA Cup, life in our household comes to a standstill. This is not a good time to get sick - believe me, you will have to fend for yourself and do so quietly. Other babies nodded off to sleep to childhood lullabies and peaceful music. I dozed off to sleep listening to the background cheering of United Fans, punctuated every now and again, with a loud "YES!!" and a victory walk around the lounge for every goal scored. Most other babies had Mom and Dad huddled around them, gently coaxing them to say their first word, "Mom or Dad?" Not so with me. I had Dad - not so gently, coaxing me to say Man-ches-ter. And guess what, I got it - my first word! So, I stand before you - the world's greatest fan. I am a living example of how genetic engineering and a daily dose of "Manu-ism" brainwashing can create a new generation of genetically superior Man United Fans.