May 2012

What To Do This Month Event Quick Reference Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Costambar Cable Channel Listing The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!

Sunday May 13 Canada & USA Sunday May 27 Dominican Republic

ONLY IN COSTAMBAR!

Yennys Market Loase Resort/Sams Bar Catamaran Beach Bar Pascuals Sharkys Bar & Grill MarLous Restaurant Syls Place Biekes Bar Supermercado Tropical Big Lees Beach Bar El Jardin y Algo Mas Restaurant Chino The Meeting Place Maximillians Beach Bar Chris & Madys Ocean World Marina Los Tres Cocos

How can you let the rain get you down when even the puddles in Costambar have big hearts! Gotta luv it!

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MarLous Restaurant has an all new cocktail selection! Cheers! Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food on the North Coast! Eat in or take out. Two locations - on the Malecon in Puerto Plata and calle Principal in Cabarete. Syls Place has Happy Hour every day from 47pm. Fridays is her popular Fish & Chips/Onion Rings. Mondays is Everything Chili Day! Bowls, fries and dogs! Every Thursday is a different Panini special! And Chicken Dumpling Stew on Saturdays! Open Tuesdays & Wednesdays by reservation only. Chris & Madys has all your favourite sports including NFL and NHL! Try their seafood and lobster specials! The Meeting Place has started their summer hours - Monday to Friday 2pm-5:30pm. Keep checking their website for new activities throughout the season. Why not visit Maximillians Beach Bar on the malecon in Puerto Plata! Biekes Bar - the first bar in & the last bar out of Costambar! Drop by Saturdays for Costambars Best Burger! Check out the blackboards for food specials during the week!
OPEN FROM 12 NOON CLOSED SUNDAYS SATURDAYS BIEKE BURGERS!! CHECK OUR BOARD FOR FOOD SPECIALS!

Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Fine dining at its best! Call 809-993-4503 for details. Sams at Loase Resort & Spa has new summer hours from May 1 to September 30 they will be open Tuesday to Saturday 12 noon to 6pm and closed Sunday & Monday. Let them cater your wedding or event. At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach youll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! Every day they have Power Hour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. They also hold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturday of every month beginning at 10am. No cost to vendors! Help Paul & Belgica celebrate their 3rd wedding anniversary on May 16th and theyll buy you a drink! Pascuals on Costambar Beach specializes in seafood from their live lobster tank. Every Thursday is Romantic Night with guitar music by the duo Los Reyes and Saturdays its Karaoke & a BBQ! Also available for parties and events! Big Lees Beach Bar is aiming to be the new hotspot on the Malecon in Puerto Plata. Try his steamed hot dogs with all the fixings! American music and free popcorn! Why not try El Jardin y Algo Mas for something different? A great place to hold your special events! Open by reservation of 6 people or more. Sharkys Bar & Grill in Costambar is bringing the fun times back to town! Darts on Tuesday nights! Wicked Wing Specials on Wednesdays RD$140/lb! Thirsty Thursdays with RD$45 rum drinks! Scary-oke with on Friday nights! Super Saturday Spaghetti Special for RD$95! They have a Foosball Table, Pool Table and Satellite TV for all sporting events. AND - Charo is in charge of the menu!

When tempted to fight fire with fire remember the fire department generally uses water!

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Power Hour 3X1 Cuba Libres at Catamaran 6-7pm Happy Hour at Syls Place 4-7pm Chili Extravaganza at Syls Place Darts at Sharkys Wicked Wing Special at Sharkys Romantic Night with live guitar music by Los Reyes at Pascuals Thirsty Thursday at Sharkys with RD$45 rum drinks Panini Specials at Syls Place Fish & Chips at Syls Place Scary-oke at Sharkys Karaoke at MarLous 9pm Karaoke & BBQ at Pascuals Bieke Burger Day at Biekes Bar Super Saturday Spaghetti Special at Sharkys RD$95 Chicken Dumpling Stew at Syls Place Flea Market at Catamaran Paul & Belgicas 3rd Wedding Anniversary Party at Catamaran

HAPPY HOUR!!! 4-7pm Cuba/Santo Libres 2X1 Bohemia peq RD$45 Presidente peq RD$50 Watch for Surprise Drink Specials!!!

MONDAYS! ALL THINGS CHILI! THURSDAYS! PANINI SPECIALS! FRIDAYS!!!! FISH & CHIPS/ONION RINGS!!! SATURDAYS! CHICKEN DUMPLING STEW!

COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH FREE TO VENDORS! Starting at 10am

FLEA MARKET!!!

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Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. Next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery, when a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde came walking straight towards them ..... They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled, looked both of them squarely in the eye, and said 'Good Morning, Father, ... Good Morning, Father,' Nodding and addressing each of them individually, Then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous tourist outfits. Once again, in their new attire, they settled down into their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous, topless blonde came walking toward them. Again, she nodded at each of them and said 'Good morning, Father, ... Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but, ... I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?' She replied, 'Father, ... it's me, ... Sister Kathleen.
N O W

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said ...... "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife !" That won him the " top prize " at the pub for the best toast of the night ! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said .... "Here's to spending the rest of me life, "sitting in church" beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the Pub, with a toast about you, Mary." She said, " Oh ya, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there "twice" in the last four years Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep ".

WHERE THE GOOD TIMES ARE!

GREAT FOOD! GREAT SPECIALS! ur !! SPORTS ON SATELLITE TV! O s Try Wing SOMETHING SPECIAL e Com zing EVERY NIGHT! a Am SUPER PLATE OF THE DAY!

O PE

N !!

OPEN Mon - Thurs 8am - 5pm Fri 8am - 12am

Plaza Turisol, Main Street, Puerto Plata to Sosua 829-861-4467

Why did the cowboy adopt the wiener dog? He wanted to get a long little doggy!

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REDNECK PANHANDLING!

Restaurant Chino
Best Chinese Food On the North Coast! Two Great Locations! Eat In or Takeout!
Xiang Wan Jia Plaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata 809-261-5609 Calle Principal, Cabarete 809-571-0385

GREAT PLACE FOR EVENTS!!

Open Only by Reservation of 6 or more people Calle Felix Nolasco #55, Urbanization Atlantica, Puerto Plata 809-320-8243/809-773-4059

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively. 'I would like it infrequently' she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?'

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas , but there are more catholic churches than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks!

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The Pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

INTERNATIONAL GOURMET CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea, one called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Kristian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.' A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted' Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal. 'Where's Kristian?' he asked. 'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply. Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Kristian's abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.' Kristian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.' Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.'........ 'I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian'

Woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraidthen I was petrified.

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BELIEVE IT OR NOT!
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand And "lollipop" is the longest word typed with your right hand. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." Typewriter is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. A snail can sleep for three years. Almonds are a member of the peach family. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite! Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

PASCUALS PLAYA COSTAMBAR

Specializing in Live Lobsters & Seafood
EVERY THURSDAY Romantic Night with Live Guitar Music by the duo Los Reyes EVERY SATURDAY Karaoke & BBQ Open Daily For Parties, Events & Reservations Call 829-434-9404/829-464-4071/829-637-6487

The cruise liner, QE 2 moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.. The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid. There are more chickens than people in the world. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. All the ants in Africa weigh more than ALL the elephants!!

CHRIS & MADYS

Playa Cofresi

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"IT'S A GUY THING" Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?" "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Translated: "I have no idea how it works." "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND." Translated: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra." "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." Translated: "Are you still talking?" "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." "I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES." Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe." "OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt." "I CAN'T FIND IT." Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Translated: "What did you catch me at?" "I HEARD YOU." Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me." "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE." Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse." "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." Translated: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving." "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

Oldies Music! Hot Dogs! Free Popcorn! English Conversation! Casetta #8 on the Malecon

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JUST ARRIVED!
CLEAR FIBERGLASS 7 GALLON PROPANE CYLINDER TANK 24 TALL & 12 DIAMETER
Always know how much gas you have! Lighter than steel & rustproof!

FOR SALE

ONLY RD$2500 CALL COLIN AT 809-449-1819

26' Ocean Reef Fishing Boat Good - Very Good condition Built in Florida 1982 Solid sea-vessel Economical 4 cyl. Isuzu Good for fishing or touring. US$42,000 Info 809-392-0077 sailinnn@yahoo.com

TRYING TO SELL YOUR BOAT? GET MORE EXPOSURE BY ADVERTISING IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY! Five surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on. The first surgeon says: I like to see accountants on my operating table because when I open them up, everything inside is numbered. The second responds: Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded. The third surgeon says: No, I really think librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order. The fourth surgeon chimes in: You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over. But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: You're all wrong ----- Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the butt are interchangeable!

L U P E R O N

My Husbands retired, so be careful he knows it all, and hes got plenty of time to tell you all about it.

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SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 13
SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

WEATHER
Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid. The remaining letters spell a hidden message

APERITIF APPETIZER BILL BUSBOY CASHIER CHAIRS CHEF COFFEE COOKS

CUPS CUSTOMER DESSERT DISHWASHERS DRINKS ENTREE FORK GLASSES KNIFE

MANAGER MEAL MENU NAPKINS ORDER PLATES SALAD SAUCERS SERVERS

SPOON TABLECLOTH TABLES TEA TIP WAITER WAITRESS WATER WINE

Across 1. Communication 5. Wrack 6. Stir up 7. Wander Down 1. Condiment 2. Frugal 3. Norm 4. Perpetual

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12 22 28 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 40 42 43 44 46 49

CNN FOX ABC NBC CBS KIDS TBS CNBC ESPN-1 WGN CDN TNT USA ESPN-2 DISCOVERY DISNEY HBO SPORT BOOMERANG

51 56 57 64 66

CINE SPEED

CANAL

ANIMAL PLANET SCI-FI FOOD 69 DISCOVERY

70 71 72 74 79 80 81 83 84 85

WEATHER CINEMAX SHOWTIME STARZ NASA JETIX CARTOON TNT LA HISTORY THE FILM ZONE

Police Office Police Car APC Office APC Gate Security Codetel Edenorte - emergency Edenorte - office Costambar Taxi Stand Canada Britain U.S.A. German Italian Clinica Bournigal Clinica Brugal Los Tropicos Pharmacy

809-320-8510 809-320-8840 809-970-7877 809-970-7015 809-220-1111 809-261-1844 809-586-9823 809-970-7318 809-586-5761 809-586-4244 809-586-4204 809-586-6995 809-320-7601 809-586-2342 809-586-2519 809-970-7607

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX) Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, 'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.' In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........ twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the motorway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.. 4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light. 7. The airbag system would ask, 'Are you sure?' before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off

Costambar Monthly page 12

SURPRISE GUESTS? DONT FEEL LIKE COOKING?

Why not order one of my 9 inch/1 kg Traditional Spanish Tortillas Freshly made to order Free delivery in Costambar Only RD$475

809-520-6846/809-546-1355

BEGINNER

INTERMEDIA TE

HIDDEN MESSAGE
Reservation

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RD$955 Includes Dental RD$1190 with Drugs

Big Lees Beach Bar, Puerto Plata 5pm Biekes Bar, Costambar 6:30pm Or call Petra & Marcel Bahr 1-809-885-2155
John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells. John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well!

Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology, Acupressure, & Hot Stone Physical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic Drainage Manicure & Pedicure: Regular & Intensive Braids & Hair Extensions & Mens Haircuts Facials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse Services Natural Health & Beauty Products
ASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS. Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointment Service to the home. Transportation available. #14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

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A while ago a new supermarket opened. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay. In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal-grilled steaks with onions. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh-baked bread and cookies. I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

Mundo Electronico
Repairs of LCD Plasma Toasters Blenders Fans Stoves
Calle San Felipe #30, Puerto Plata

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they didn't like each other. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down. And I know he won't ask for directions."

Costambar Monthly page 15

A elderly couple Lucy & John were recently attending church services at The Villages. About halfway through the service, Lucy took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to John . The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?" John scribbled back, " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

JOBS OFFERED
Wanted Salesman and Sales Ladies to sell many lines of health and beauty products, cosmetics in general, perfumes and more to retail stores and other vendors. Job includes travel. Compensation by commission. Ability to speak Spanish, and sales experience essential. Submit your resume to Attn. Magdalena, Administrative office, Sunix Plaza - near the overhead bridge and O Y M University. Phone 809-261-7595 OR 829-745 -1331.

DO YOU NEED A GOOD MECHANIC?

Call Ito
829-563-1878 or 829-540-6622 (for English 809-464-7898)
SERVICE DONE AT YOUR HOME! ALL GENERAL REPAIRS & MAINTENANCE!

An old married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the remote and was switching Back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said "For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"

SOUND RENTAL

Karaoke Tropical
For Any Event Of Your Choice With Animation in English, Spanish, German and French Lyrics in 7 Languages International Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172 Email dj.marilyne_karaoke_tropical@hotmail.com

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VIVERO!!!
Open to the Public
All ypes of T Palms, Flowering & Foliage Plants Landscaping & Garden Maintenance Services Available BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST
Open Monday-Friday 8:30am to 5pm And By Appointment

PLANT

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order. "What would you like, sir?" He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie." The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?" Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please." This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away. A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."

Call George (Lettuce) 809-543-8041

Km. 11 Carretera PP-Imbert (In front of PARADA DINAMICA) Just past the fish places
There was a 90-year-old nun whose worn-out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her. However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined. But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day. Eventually, the elderly pious one approached her final hour. As several sisters gathered around her at bedside, the mother superior asked if she wanted to leave them any words of wisdom. "Oh, yes," she replied. "Never sell that cow!"

Costambar Monthly page 17

When nothing goes right Go left!

Apartments for Rent Special Offers Available For Long Term Rentals! Just ask Max! Office 809-970-7312 Cell 809-251-8679 Visit our website www.villasfelipe.com

Maximilians
BEACH BAR
First Casetta at Long Beach Malecon, Puerto Plata, R.D. Cell: 809-251-8679 The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down for a couple of beers. A few minutes later, a lanky, bow-legged cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" "I do", the Lone Ranger replied. "Why?" The cowboy drawled, "You better take care of him. Hes almost dead from the heat." The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and found Silver leaning against the hitching post, panting. They got him some water and soon Silver was looking better, but he was still panting. The Lone Ranger said, "Tonto, run around Silver as fast as you can and see if the breeze makes him feel any better. Tonto replied, "Sure, Kemosabe," and began running around and around Silver. The Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his beer. A few minutes later, another cowboy came into the bar and drawled, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" "I do," the Lone Ranger said, "What's wrong with him this time?" "Nothin'," the cowboy said, "But you left your Injun runnin'."

THE TRAGEDY OF INBRED CATS!

In Plaza Turisol, main street Puerto Plata to Sosua Spaces from 269sq ft to 3300 sq ft Top location, plenty of parking Ideal for offices, stores, gyms or ? Reasonable prices
Royd Jantzen 809-970-7616 Jorge Fernandez 809-669-7660
FOR MORE INFORMATION

FOR SALE/RENT/TRADE

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Ricart Garcia & Assoc.
Lic. R. Margarita Ricart G.
Lawyer-Abogado
Specializing in contract law - cedulas, real estate, vehicles Court appearances for civil/legal suits Appointments at your residence or our office
Cubicle 7-A, Plaza Turisol, Puerto Plata, Rep. Dom. Office 809-244-4519 Cel. 809-757-0814 Email: ricartreal-estate@hotmail.com

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CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE 33foot sailboat, Glander Tavana class yawl, good condition/ minor work needed, less than 1500 hours on new 20 horse Kuboto engine and trans. A MUST SEE! Located in Luperon bay. Call Sean @ (809) 782-2534. FOR SALE Sewing machine FY 750 Bought 15.11.2011 for 7,000 RD Selling price 4,000 RD Puerto Plata phone 809-244-4019 cel 829-925-1860 WANTED gps, vhf, Hispaniola charts, sounder, fishing gear. Working and in good condition only please. Located Maimon, PP. Eric at 809-707-9036 or 2beasts@gmail.com. FOR SALE Alante Electric Wheelchair 24 volt Excellent condition with little use. Original price over US$5000 Will sell for US$1000 English 809-360-8552 Spanish 809-970-7522 or 809993-2944 FOR SALE Keyboard USB GN Multimedia black, Mouse GN USB black,Cable Power Supply/monitor, Speakers KLIPX KSS-310, Monitor LCD RFB 17 flatscreen, COM A P4 3.4/1GB with new office Chair VIS. 4010 Blue fabric with new Computer table desk/slide. 13,000RD negotiable contact: 809- 261 6816 or gregtawkwin@yahoo.com FOR SALE 2010 model BIC JUNGLE HYBRID 3 in 1 design Sailboard, Surfboard, SUP stand up paddleboard. 10ft 10inches, 28" width. Like New condition. Lots of extras!!! 6.0 Cruiser full batten sail. Mast, 2 sections for easy storage in bag with sail. Boom. Daggerboard. Adjustable skeg. SUP adjustable paddle. "DAKINE" harness. BIC harness lines. surfboard leash.Brand new "ON A MISSION"board bag ($250.00 USD value) $2200.00 USD. Located Luperon, 809-517-0949 WANTED "Karaoke business looking for an assistant with experiences as a DJ. Dominican welcome! for contacts call 809 988 1322 after 2.30 PM."

LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBARS NEW FLEA MARKET AT THE CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!!! Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be placed by emailing costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820 PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items. Commercial properties or enterprises (including real estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise notified.

OPEN DAILY (INCLUDING HOLIDAYS) Mon-Sat 8am-10pm Sundays 8am-8pm Everything you need from snacks to supper! Delivery Service Available! Calle Principal, Costambar (just inside the gate) 809-970-3028

FREE TO A GOOD HOME

Maity is a 6 year old female who has been fixed and has recent shots. Really sweet, well-behaved dog. Needs a home with lots of love but has lots of love to give! Call 809-988-1322 afternoons or evenings WANTED Exercise bike. call Mark on 829-712-8189 FOR SALE Car: Mitsubishi L200, diesel, year 2005, 76,000 km, incl. Full insurance till April 2012, very good conditions, German maintained, new rear brakes, trailer coupling, and much more Motorcycle YAMAHA SEROW 225ccm,TRIAL, German maintained, looks like new! Open fishing motorboat, 22 feet, year 2010, Tohatsu 40 horsepower and Tohatsu 9.8 horsepower, specialize for big game fishing! Call for prices: 849 886 1266 Located in Luperon

IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you to services every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are in Spanish. Children activities. Before Costambar Gate Security, turn on the right side toward the power plant, 100 meters on the right side.

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FOR SALE
Fully furnished, this home has two 700 sq. ft. apartments in a prime location close to Luperon. One mile from town and 100 yards up from Puerto Blanco Marina. The stunning walled and gated garden includes a swimming pool, shower\bath\comfort room and a 15x 25 tiled and covered common area. Comes complete with washer and dryer and a 3000 watt wind generator, inverter and batteries. Upstairs - Seven rooms, two of which could be small bedrooms, or office and storage. The large veranda of this apartment has beautiful views of the mountains and harbor. Downstairs - One bedroom apartment set in the beautiful garden. Just steps to the swimming pool. The living room of this 5 room apartment is virtually in the garden.

A great buy at $250,000 US Contact Doug/Lois at lllehn@yahoo.com for further information.

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When you are feeling nostalgic come to Play It Again

FROM MAY 1 TO SEPT 30

TUESDAY TO SATURDAY 12 NOON TO 6PM CLOSED SUNDAY & MONDAY Call for reservations if you want to eat later than 6pm

At Loase
Much of What You Loved About Sams In Costambar!
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GREAT MENU + SPECIALS! FISH & CHIPS RD$200 MEAT LOAF CURRIES & MORE!
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