Hearts on Barbed Wire

-Missive from solitary confinement

gfx: Z0mbie

Dear NVFB & FM; To the Community in total, God I miss you guys. I truly cannot convey it properly. The title of this letter couldnt be more apt. My heart feels like its on Barbed Wire without you. Over four years of my life has existed right her in the midst of this community and I ache to reach for a keyboard the way most people would ache to touch a lovers face. I miss you. Btw, the title of this piece came to me during my first hour outside in the rec area. By this time, Candee has told all of you that Im in the Hole for thirty days FightingSigh, And Im under 24 hr lockdown. Today is Day 8 of my segregation out of Gen Pop and Day 4 of Full Blown Solitary Confinement. For the first time since I was thrown in here, I was allowed outside for my 5 hrs a week rec time. Ill give you a little description of he rec area since its where most of this letter came to me, but Ill save the Full description of solitary for another day. I want this to be as light as it can possibly be, full of happy thoughts and what not. It is my first letter to the community in far too long, and for that, I am truly sorry. I let the anger and depression take hold just a bit too much this last month and tbh No Just No. The Raid didnt break me, the indictment and all its Hell didnt break me, and the BOP wont either. Oh, and neither will my fellow inmates with their gay for the stay lesbianism and their Prison High School Politics. ON To Rec! Its an enclosed area about 15 x 25 ft, with sheer concrete walls about 30 ft high. The sky is obscured by a metal gate and the concrete floor is littered with insect carcasses and all matter of detirihus ( sp?) (detritus? yes) fuck it. debris. At eye level,

theres nothing to see but concrete or a chain link fence. (The chainlink fence separates you from the guards while they cuff and uncuff you on your way in and out) Compared to my cell, its a lil bit of paradise. No grating can fully obscure the sun and nothing beats fresh air. And finally, when you look up towards the Barbed Wire, rimming the entire perimeter of the rec area, right underneath the sodered gate, you can see hearts in the loops the wire itself makes, as it goes round and round. Hence, Hearts on Barbed Wire. The thought made me smile as I meditated outside. Swear to God it brought out the Sunshine. I think the closest I ever feel to God is when that warmth caresses my face and the color behind my closed lids goes all Golden Amber. Perhaps its the Egyptian thing and years of reading on Ra, but my spirituality and the Sun have always been linked in my head. Thrown in some Wadjet key masonry and a whole lot of math and drugs and perhaps youll start to glimpse into the crazy that litters my skull. Oh. And lots of triangles. Lots of Equilateral Triangles. O_O Conversation for another day though. But you know what, those last few sentences are most revealing. I tend to keep things like that, rambles like the above in my head and in my head alone, but without a second thought, they blowed from this three inch pencil and out to all of you. I love you Ninja. Your impact and influence upon my life is Humbling. Truly. Ok, back. Paced my little shoebox for a moment. Felt a little bump in my throat. NO TEARS IN PRISON! Lol. Im freewriting by the way. Letting stream of consciousness try to hit upon all of the thoughts I had while I was outside as I purge it out on this page. Sharing and whatnot. Smiles wryly. Smiles wistfully\\ I miss our world. All of it. And this goes far beyond our common Love of all things media file Pure, unadulterated sharing encompasses everything this community believed and still believes. Our society is losing the villagehere, in our little world, we tried to bring it back. For, it takes a village, no? And we succeeded. Tens of thousands on the NV Forums and millions on NV Main. Things are quieter now. This is true. But the ethos of this community will not change. Sharing is what we are about. So in that vein, Id like to ask you guys to bring everything you have to the table. Or in this case, to the forum. As for me, if you know anything about writing books, self publishing, prison o_O, yoga, meditation, chanting, crocheting, knitting, (prison hobbies), law, what its like to fell the sun on your face, reading good books, blocking out sounds of banshees O_o anything and everything, write me, share with me. My biggest thrill here is getting mail, and I Love you guys so much, but I get nowhere near as much as I should. (Although, special love to Mary and Shoney, who write me every single week and everyone that has sent a thought or two my way) This prison should be flooded with mail. Dont let them use the ADD of our generation against us. Just when you start to think someone else got it, stop yourself, pick up a postcard, and just send me a quick sentence telling me you love and you Loved Ninja. Same with Wadswerth. Please I ask that one or two or all of you commit to sending him a quick word once every week or two. I know I have a monster rep, no problem, I cultivated it. But Josh is the sweetest person in the world and a best friend to me. If theres hate, reserve it for me, Never him. And then PM Jeremy! Hee hee! Thank the heavens one of us stayed out of prison. But seriously though it

takes seconds but it brings us so much joy. Also, look around, this is a big issue. They took down Mega Upload, Hollywood has officially bought itself a govt. ACTA brought Europeans to the streets in protest and SOPA and PIPA caused blackout of some of the biggest web sites in the world. Get involved my lovelies, even if its in the most simple of ways, a postcard here, introducing a friend to the topic there. The NV College Chapters and their logistics are still being worked out in my mind. Mail me about your ideas on that! You get the gist. Share. Just Share. Its Free! Also. To bring it back to us, the NV Blue, in prison and out, share b/c were lonely. And you are too. Because we were all Lost Citizens looking for that Tribe. Because thousands of us stumbled upon this place and found a home, and those of us in staff and Legend and Heart and Soul. We never looked back, never regretted, Dept. of Homeland Security Raids be damned. On that note, always remember, Ninja Dont Snitch, Real Ninja anyway, and community is Everything. Copy That. Bitches. For ol times sake. Much much love from Solitary, Phara // Hana Beshara !PS! ALERT! Any Ninjas in TX, that would be willing to come to Bryan, please write me, Ill put you on my visitation list! Id love to see some of you guys. And all mail goes to Bryan still. They are forwarding.